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Kate stared at her boss, “so he’s a singer?”
Hastings nodded, “aye lass…some singer who has requested a few security officers for his press…”
“And why have I been chosen?” Kate folded her arms, “singers always want one thing”.
“The singer is nice lass, he’ll be good” Hastings stated, “and he’s paying you £2,000”.
“For the week!?”
“No lass, a day”.
Kate looked up at Steve Arnott, he didn’t look like a singer with a massive wealth. He was dressed in comfy clothes, had glasses on and was sipping a cup of tea as he read a book.
She smiled slightly, “Mr Arnott?”
Steve put his finger on the page and looked up, he grinned at Kate, “call me Steve. How can I help?”
“I’m part of your security team for the press weeks? Kate Fleming” she held out her hand to him.
“Nice to meet you Kate” Steve smiled and folded a corner of his page before shaking her hand, “cup of tea?”
“I’m fine, thanks. I just wanted to introduce myself to you before tomorrow. So you know what one of your security officers look like”.
“Aw, well, thanks…how long you been with the company?”
“Coming up 4 years now” Kate replied, “only company that would take me”.
“Oh?” Steve grinned and patted the sofa, “do tell?”
Kate hesitated, “not enough tea to tell my tales. I’ll see you tomorrow, 0600”.
“Press doesn’t start till 9AM”.
“No, but you need to be in hair and makeup, then the stylist to discuss your outfits for each bit of press, you’ll want breakfast before all of that and a drink. 0600 is perfect to ensure that by 0900, you will be fresh and ready for a day of interviews”.
“And will you do that wake up call personally?”
Kate frowned, “i-
“I don’t mean sexually. God no, I just meant, will you wake me? You put forward a good point about the whole getting ready. I always look washed out during press”.
“I shall be at your flat at 0600, with a coffee and a pastry if you want?”
Steve beamed, “croissant?”
“Of course”.
“And get yourself one too” Steve smiled, “send me the expenses”.
Kate nodded, “I shall let you get back to your book” she glanced at the cover and her breath caught in her throat.
“It’s fascinating” Steve gushed, “it’s about this woman in the army. Fiction, but she’s come from nothing, risen to the top and she’s saved 25 people in this bombing…I really hope she makes it out I’ve never read a book so quickly”.
Kate smiled tightly, “enjoy the read…”
“Thanks” Steve moved to the book, “it feels just like I’m there, in Kaybul”.
“Kuhbul” Kate corrected, “Kabul, it’s pronounced, Kuhbul”.
“Oh. Oh shit, thanks” Steve laughed.
“Anytime” Kate replied before moving to the door.
“Kate?”
Kate turned and looked at Steve, “yes Steve?”
“Thank you”.
Kate frowned, “for what?”
“Bothering to introduce yourself? Nobody’s ever done that before”.
Kate nodded, “introductions are important. It allows you to see the enemy and assess-
“Any exit routes or ways out should shit hit the fan” Steve finished and smiled, “you’ve read my book!”
Kate looked at the cover, at the barren landscape she’d spent years in, and at an old photo of herself in her military gear.
“Death in War” Steve said, “it’s so good isn’t it? Can’t believe it’s fiction. The author is so good-
“It’s not fiction” Kate said softly, “it’s an autobiography”.
“What? But it says-
“I did security for the author…” Kate stated, “she put it through as fiction because nobody wanted to buy a true story about the war over in Afghanistan if it was by a woman”.
“The author is a woman?!” Steve sat up, “right you are staying and telling me everything you know. Oh my god. The author is a woman!?”
Kate smiled at Steve’s enthusiasm for her book. It felt like a lifetime ago since she’d released it and now, a famous popstar was practically wetting himself with excitement that she had a connection to it.
Kate eyed the clock on the wall and smirked at Steve, “if you want to be up at 0600, you won’t want me chatting your ear off about her. Finish the chapter and if I can wake you at 0600, I’ll tell you something”.
“How about I don’t finish the chapter and you tell me a little thing now?”
Kate folded her arms, “I’m not giving you her name”.
“Whaaat. But C. P.T Donnelly is all I’ve got” Steve grumbled, “can’t even google it. I’ve tried but I just get some long dead bloke from a different war”.
Kate moved over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, “what drew you to picking the book up?”
Steve flushed, “I was in this little indie bookshop and the bookseller there said it was a great read. Just picked it up and started reading it in the car. Haven’t stopped really”.
“Yeah?”
“Mmm…I think I love it more now I know it’s true. Is the author nice? I-I mean, is she friendly?”
Kate squeezed his shoulder, “she’s friendly Steve…once she trusts someone…she’ll always have your back”.
Steve nodded, “I find that hard nowadays…nobody I can really trust that won’t be after me for something in the end”.
“Well, you can trust me. I’m here doing a job for you. I’ve not even listened to your stuff”.
Steve laughed, “none of it?”
“Nope. I-I tend to just listen to classical music. It calms me down…grounds me”.
Steve looked at Kate, “I can trust you?”
Kate nodded, “you can trust me Steve. I’ll have your back”.
Steve leaned into Kate, “thanks” before he yawned.
Kate smirked and rubbed his arm, “go sleep. 0600 will come early”.
Steve nodded, his eyes shutting, “why do you say time like that?”
Kate rubbed his arm slower as she looked at the book on Steve’s table, “it’s a hard habit to break”.
Steve rubbed his nose against Kate’s side, “mmm?”
Kate looked down at Steve and nodded, “yeah…” before she eased herself away from Steve and placed a blanket over his body before letting herself out. Unsure as to why this pop star liked her story, or if she should reveal that it was her story to him.
Steve groaned as he woke up to a mug of coffee being placed beside his head.
“Good morning”.
Steve opened his eyes and saw his new security officer, Kate, standing with a pastry and a smile.
“Time is it?”
“06- 6AM” Kate corrected, “I got you a croissant and a latte”.
Steve glanced at the mug and smiled, “you poured it into a mug for me?”
“I did. I didn’t know if you liked the takeaway cups and it made sense to put in a mug. You can hold it better that way”.
“Thank you” he grinned and sat up, taking a gulp of the coffee all at once, “did you get yourself anything?”
“I ate at 0500”.
Steve’s eyes widened, “jesus…”
Kate shrugged, “I spent over three years getting up at all hours, at least this way, I have routine”.
“You need a lie in. On your next day off, you are having a lie in”.
Kate smirked, “I’m sure I can handle my own days off Mr”.
Steve grinned at her, “least, sit down. Feels like you’re a Sergeant Major watching over me”.
Kate laughed, “Sergeant Majors wouldn’t waste their time watching over someone eating breakfast” but she sat down beside him, “I would’ve carried you to bed last night but you seemed quite comfy on the sofa”.
“Give over” Steve laughed, “you carrying me to bed?”
“Mmhmm”.
Steve stood, “alright, prove it”.
Kate looked at him, “what? Steve you need a shower, you need to-“
“Carry me to the shower then, I wanna see you try to carry me”.
Kate rolled her eyes and stood, “shower?”
“Mmhmm”.
Kate nodded and gripped Steve before lifting him over her shoulder and supporting his body. She felt him grip her in surprise as she carried him towards the bathroom, “there we go” she said and placed him near the shower.
Steve blinked before beaming, “wow…that- wow”.
Kate raised an eyebrow, “shower. Shave if you must. Then I will meet you and prep you for the first day’s security”.
Steve nodded, “yes ma’am”.
Kate blinked before recognising he was just teasing. She smiled and left the room, hearing the shower start before she’d gotten to the sofa.
Once Steve was dressed in casual clothes, his breakfast demolished, Kate sat him down to go over the security.
“You have three of us. One with you at all times, two at exit points. It’s your choice who you want as your main-
“You”.
Kate nodded, “I’ll be with you at all times. If things get too much and you need a break you let me know and I will have it arranged”.
Steve nodded, “can we have like a codeword? If it gets too much?” he glanced at his book, “she uses-
“Melons” Kate replied, “we can use melons”.
Steve smiled, “thanks…” he picked up his book, “it’s so cool you did security with her…you said she’s friendly…”
“She is. She went through a war. Three tours…”
“Fuck…fuck three?” he ran a hand through his hair, “I’m only on her first tour”.
Kate smirked, “you know she wrote two more books?”
“What?!”
Kate nodded and watched as Steve grabbed his phone, frantically searching for the next books.
“I c-can’t…Amazon doesn’t have…” Steve looked up at Kate, “where did you get yours?”
“I asked her for them…she didn’t publish them but she does have posts about them…if you know where to look”.
“Are you in contact with her? I-I’d really love to read them”.
Kate looked for the lie on Steve’s face and found herself nodding, “of course”.
Steve hugged Kate tightly, “thank you! You’re already my favourite security officer”.
Kate patted his back, “alright…now, we’ve got to get you to the car and down to the makeup. You wanna take your book with you?”
“I’ve got nowhere to store it. I’ll save it for tonight. I’ve got three magazines to do today” Steve groaned, “then the first of 14 TV interviews”.
Kate picked up his book, “I’ll bring it with me in case you need a break”.
Steve looked at Kate and smiled softly, “thank you”.
Steve stared at the back wall, to the other two security officers, Dot Cotton and Nigel Morton. Both looked like they’d rather be anywhere else. He looked back at Kate and she looked at him and offered up a reassuring grin.
He smiled and turned back to the interviewer as she finished her conversation to her manager.
“Steve Arnott. Face of pop and the singer of….”
Steve groaned as he sat on his sofa later that night, “I hate press weeks”.
Kate chuckled and moved to the kettle, “yours seem to be full of annoying and mundane questions…how do you survive it?”
“I don’t” Steve whined, “kill me now?”
“Not worth my career” Kate retorted, “tea?”
“Please. Did you manage to speak to Donnelly?”
Kate looked at Steve, “I did. She’s sent the books this morning. They should arrive tomorrow”.
Steve smiled, “thank you for arranging that. Let me know how much she wants-“
“No charge. Apparently she’s just glad someone likes her story. Not many men like reading her book”.
“Well tell her I love it. And I’d love to meet her and tell her in person if she wants to meet I mean…you now” he blushed.
“I’ll let her know” Kate handed him a mug of tea and sat beside him, “tomorrow, I’ll be here at 0600 again-“
“I’ll try to walk myself to bed tonight” Steve grinned.
Kate sipped her tea, “well I’m with you till you send me home. Security protocol”.
“And where do you live?”
“Kingsgate. It’s not far”.
Steve nodded, “nice area…”
“And what about you? You stay here when you’re doing press but after that?”
Steve shrugged, “just sort of…hotel rooms”.
“What? But how do you clean your clothes?”
“Suppose I just…I don’t know…here mainly. I’m not away much…”
Kate looked around his flat, “it’s got no sign you’re here…”
“I don’t like living alone. It fuels my work sure. But, I hate coming home alone. It’s so deflating”.
“I know the feeling” Kate murmured, “to go and do something big, only to then come back to your home and have nobody there…”
“I never asked but, do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?”
“No…like you I’m single. My job is my life and…I tend to piss most men off”.
“Well, you haven’t pissed me off” Steve smiled, “listen, I’m gonna order a takeaway. It’s my day one of press night treat, why don’t we share and eat together”.
“How about cooking?” Kate stated, “you’ve got a long week. You don’t want to be groggy on the second day”.
Steve looked at his kitchen, “I er…”
“You’ve got enough food in for something we can share” Kate stated, “haven’t you?”
“I sort of” Steve rubbed his neck, “I uh…”
Kate looked at him, “don’t cook?”
Steve nodded, “yeah I just…I got famous so quickly, I don’t know how…how to cook”.
Kate stood, “well, crash course 101. First lesson is easy. It’s beans on toast”.
“I don’t think I have that…”
“You do. I checked your cupboards for any bugs this morning. You have 4 tins of bins, 1 loaf of bread; you do food shops?”
“I pay someone too and then when it’s about to go out of date I donate it if I’ve not eaten it…mostly pay someone to cook for me”.
“Right well, arse over here”.
Steve beamed at Kate, “yes ma’am”.
Kate shot him a look and he beamed even more.
“Oh you like me calling you ma’am”.
“No” Kate flushed and grabbed two tins of beans, “no I don’t”.
“Oh you do” Steve countered, “ma’am. Shall I salute you?”
“Please don’t”.
“I’m going to salute you” Steve replied and placed his hand on his head.
“That’s not a salute” Kate replied and smirked, “hand goes the other way”.
“Like this?”
“Yep”.
“Yes ma’am” Steve winked and saluted her before grabbing the tins of beans, “so how do these work?”
“Saucepan in the bottom drawer. Stick both in there and add a knob of butter”.
“How bigs a knob?”
Kate looked at Steve and he laughed.
“As big as you want” Kate replied and winked, “now, add butter into it, then put it on the stove. Low heat. Then stick four slices of bread in the toaster”.
Steve obeyed Kate and once the bread was in the toaster, he turned to her, “now what?”
“Keep stirring the beans”.
“With what?”
Kate handed him a wooden spoon and smiled, “that. I’ll butter the toast when it pops up”.
Steve smiled at Kate as she finished her beans on toast, “that’s the first meal I’ve ever cooked”.
“Well, I’m not dead yet so I’d say you can cook” Kate teased.
“First girl I’ve cooked for too” Steve blushed.
“I’m honoured”.
Steve took her plate and smiled at her, “I should let you go home. You know, you need sleep as well as me”.
Kate nodded and stood, “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bright and early”.
The enemy, we were told, would be everywhere. It was a lesson that we had to learn the hard way. And a lesson I never forgot.
The nights are cold in Kabul, with no shelter, we sit against trees, taking watch. We are miles out from everywhere we know. Which, as a city born girl, is hard to imagine.
The noises I’m used to now are the sounds of aircraft, bombs, and crying. The smells threaten my senses.
You never forget your first burning body. The smell clings to you. It clings to your weapons. It clings to your soul.
I’m the only female left in our unit. One was taken from us early. A mistake that many make. They panic and flee only to be shot as they try to reach safety. If only Kaz had waited a second longer…
The second and third were sent home, their feet still live in Kabul’s market.
The dust has settled now, the noise I’ve grown to fear, rest comfortably in my heart. I know that crack is a fox, begging for scraps. I know that click, is an anxious soldier, checking he’s locked his gun.
I know that thud is wrong.
Immediately I stand to attention. I look around and nudge fellow cadet RT [name redacted]. RT grunts and continues to sleep.
Scanning the area, I spot nothing out of the ordinary. But that’s the thing about the ordinary out here. It’s never the same.
A month into my tour, I saved a group of 25 citizens from a bomb raid. Guiding them to safety when hell descended.
Now, I might die because of a mistake.
What was the abnormal?
RT grunted again and the thud matched his grunt.
I could snap at him and risk a cover, or I could risk it all and make a move. My gun rests comfortably beside me. My helmet, lodged so tightly on my head that I think I’ll be getting wrinkles early- if I’m ever lucky enough to get wrinkles.
I still my nerves in an unbelievable attempt at being calm. Out there, in the dark I could have a gun trained at my head and not know. There could be someone beside me, about to pull the trigger.
I grip the tree behind me, feel it’s dry bark against my bruised fingers and howl.
As a child, I’d mimic a dogs bark, thinking it could understand me. As an officer, a soldier, I howl for my friends. My found family.
RT nudges me, “what?” he manages.
“Melons” I reply.
And hell descends once more.
Steve put his book down and rubbed his neck, “fucking hell” he muttered, “how the hell did she know something was up?” before he looked at his watch, it was nearly midnight. Past the time he wanted to be asleep but Death in War was just too good to put down. He had one chapter left, barely 20 pages to go. He could get up early and have a coffee before Kate let herself in. That way he’d look refreshed for her.
Steve smiled at the thought of Kate being proud of him, he liked her. Liked her a lot. She was sexy, knew about Captain Donnelly, and was supportive.
Diving back into the book, he wondered if she liked perfume.
They say, the darkest hour is just before the dawn. When the dust settles, my Captain stares me down.
“Donnelly. The men here owe you their lives. Without your sharp obs last night on a watch you were not meant for. We would all have been sitting ducks for the enemy”.
I nod. Standing to attention as I accept the praise.
I’ve saved people tonight. Because of my actions, not a man was lost. On our side at least.
The media will claim this as a victory. But there are boys lying dead beside me who were just like us. Fighting for their country.
And now we’ve killed them.
The saving never feels the same if it at the cost of so many others.
“Donnelly, I’m putting you in for a promotion. You’ve more than earned the respect of the lads here. And I need a second in command with eyes as keen as yours”.
Saluting over, I sit against a lemon tree, my eyes shut and yet open to the world.
“Oioi we’ll be calling you Captain one day” a voice booms.
Matthew
I smirk at him, “prefer ma’am actually”.
“Course you do. Just like you prefer it when the radio gets stuck on that fancy boy singer”.
“Popstar and we all like the song”.
Matthew laughed, “well when we get back, maybe you can go find him. We could all do with a break…” his laugh dies as he looks at his commanding officer.
“We’ve still got 4 more months, Qarabagh is only getting worse an’ worse” I stated, “we had twice as many before…me being the second in command is only because of the losses we’ve had”.
“We lost none last night thanks to you” DC said and rubbed my side. The comfort a care home kid has with another is a link I cannot describe.
That shared loss or abandonment is strong. And you know that in a war, you can count on them to breathe for you when you forget how to.
My hand comes to grip mine as we look at our commanding officer explode before us. A long forgotten IED claiming yet another.
In the months to come, I will find myself facing more. Losing more. Wondering why I chose this life.
But in the end, I tried to make a difference. I tried to care in a place that had tried to take it from the world.
Kate walked into her flat and put her keys to one side before looking out at the city. She breathed in and her heart fluttered back to a time that she spent every second thinking, she’d never see it again.
Kabul was breaking day by day. Places once filled with buildings as tall as the eye could see, now lay crumbled under a mix of steel, blood, body parts.
Kate lifted her vizor and gripped her gun tightly, “this is a rescue op. We do not leave a building until we are sure it is clear. Is that understood?!”
“Yes ma’am”.
Kate stepped as lightly as she dared, conscious with every step that it could be her last. Conscious that her team surrounding her, could make her take her last.
Her city, her beloved home would never get her back. She’d be as broken as Kabul.
Sweat trickled down her brow and she fought the urge to rub it. Instead, she breathed in slowly, a trick she’d learned all those years ago in training and stepped closer to her first building.
She hummed to herself to keep her nerves at bay. Some stupid pop song by a new British singer, something Arnott. It had a nice melody. It was happy. Not her normal taste, but, it worked.
She clung to the happiness it brought her as she opened the door and the stench of death welcomed her.
Kate gripped her chair and looked at the city. Taking in deep breaths, she sank to the floor as panic threatened.
She was safe. She was in her city.
She wasn’t in Kabul anymore.
After a few minutes, Kate stood up and got herself a glass of water, gulping it down she spotted an old photo of her last unit. The unit she had as Captain Fleming.
She picked it up and smiled.
She looked so much younger then, less full of shrapnel. Now, she had to declare she had metal all up her leg and a steel plate in her shoulder.
Kate grimaced as she rubbed it.
She loathed doing security, the long hours of standing up when all she wanted was to sit down. Steve had been good though, twice, when he’d said their codeword, she had thought it was because she needed to sit down and Steve had picked up on it.
She smiled and put the photo down before going into her room to pick up the two books Steve wanted.
They sold well to fellow veterans, and the publishers were always pushing her for more but she couldn’t bare to bring up anymore memories.
She touched the two books and grabbed a pen. Steve was a sweet man, he was kind and he cared about her story, even if he didn’t know it was hers. She’d forgotten she’d listened to his song out there. That it gave her happiness. Now by chance she was here being his security for his press week. The world was a strange place. But now she had a chance to tell Steve how he helped her once upon a time.
Steve,
I remember when you started your career, your music gave me a slice of happiness in a world that was breaking day by day. In a world that had forgotten how to care.
Cpt Donnelly.
Steve, to her surprise, was already awake when she got to his flat the next day. He smiled at her, “iya. I’ve had a shower, I’ve brushed m’teeth aand I even put on new underwear”.
Kate laughed, “are you wanting a gold star?”
“Mmm, could do with one actually” Steve teased, “we’ll share that coffee by the way. You’re gonna need it if you’ve got to cope with me and 5 TV interviews”.
Kate handed him the coffee before placing the two books down on his table, “she sent them to my place”.
“They’re here?” Steve beamed and looked at them, he opened the first page, “I just finished the first book last night an- oh my god” he looked up at Kate.
“What?”
“i-I…she- she’s…” Steve trailed off and sniffed, “she said my music gave her happiness. She must’ve listened to me all the way out there. In Kabul an- ohhh C P T means Captain. Captain Donnelly! Wow” Steve beamed and looked at Kate, “please send her my thanks, please i-I I’ve got to give her something in return i-i-“
“Steve I don’t think she needs-“ Kate started but Steve raced around to his room.
“This! This is perfect! She said she listened to my music d-during one of her tours, this. This was my first ever single. It’s never been available to buy, only a handful were made but this” he held it out to Kate, his fingers shaking with excitement, “please, gift this to her”.
“Steve-
“Hang on” he grabbed a sharpie and scribbled a note on the casing he then handed it to Kate.
Cpt Donnelly,
-Happiness-
Steve Arnott X
Kate held the CD tightly and watched Steve pour his coffee into two mugs, she wiped the corners of her eyes and moved to Steve, “so 5 interviews today”.
“Not my worst day, but I want you sitting down for these. Can’t have my favourite security officer getting a bad back”.
“I’ve had worse” Kate muttered.
“Oh?” he handed her one of the mugs, “go on?”
“Not enough time” Kate smirked and sipped the coffee, “so, you going to start Captain Donnelly’s book tonight?”
“Oh in the car on the way to makeup” Steve replied, “I want to know what happens after Qarabagh”.
“Excellent pronunciation” Kate praised.
“I googled it” Steve grinned, “I can’t believe on her first tour she did so much. I’m desperate to know about her second tour”.
Kate rubbed her shoulder, “hopefully I can prise you away from it long enough that you can do your interviews?”
Steve grinned, “maybe”.
Kate shook her head, but she was smiling.
“Start a chapter in the car” she finally settled on, “I’m sure Captain Donnelly will be waiting for you to finish the rest later”.
Steve nodded and opened up the book to the first page.
“Ah ah Mr. Book gets read once you’re in the car. Not before. Now, have your breakfast, it’s in that little bag”.
All throughout his interviews, Steve kept to the same old script. Yes there’s new merch. No there’s no girlfriend. Yes I love my fans. No I have no tour dates yet. Whilst his mind was on Captain Donnelly. Kate said she had three tours, did that mean on the third something happened? What did she look like?
He’d tried to find pictures of her in between interviews but was only given links to her first book and nothing else. She kept off social media, out of the limelight.
On a whim, he’d googled Kate. Wondering if she had social media. Wondering if she’d be able to organise a meeting for him with Captain Donnelly. But again, he found nothing about her.
“So is there anything you like doing in your spare time Steve?”
Steve looked at the interviewer and cracked a big grin, “yeah actually. I’m currently reading these fascinating books by a Captain Donnelly. Oh they are brilliant. It’s about her time over in Afghanistan and it’s dubbed as fiction but it reads as non-fiction. She’s brilliant. So yeah uh sorry” he blushed, “not exactly a popstar answer but…yeah, reading, the books called Death in War”.
“Death in War? Sounds-
“Oh it’s brilliant” Steve cut in, “I had no knowledge of well, a limited knowledge of the Afghanistan war and what our troops did over there. What happened and Captain Donnelly, she creates such a vivid world, she doesn’t shy away from gore either. It’s like I’m with her”.
The interview smiled politely and nodded, “well, thank you for that. I’m sure our listeners will be running to the bookshop to grab a copy of Dying in War”.
“Death in-
“That wraps things up for us. Thanks again for doing this interview Steve”.
Steve watched in dismay as the woman stood and moved to the doors. His security let her out and he breathed out.
“Some people don’t understand mate”.
Steve looked up and saw Dot offering him up a grin.
“Honestly, Captain Donnelly is a true hero. Those interviewers, unless you tell ‘em you’re banging Barbie they don’t care”.
Kate shot Dot a look as Nigel left the room.
“Yeah…just…I want people to see me as someone with depth? Not just the pretty boy singer who got a lucky break”.
“You’re talented Steve, it wasn’t luck that got you your dream. Just like it wasn’t luck that got Captain Donnelly her promotions”.
Steve sat up, “you’ve read her book?”
Dot looked at Kate and rubbed his neck, “uh yeah…yeah”.
“It’s amazing. I got it this week thinking nobody’s heard of it and yet there’s two people I’ve met this week who’ve read it” Steve beamed, “Kate’s met her”.
Dot stifled a grin, “oh yeah? How was that Kate?”
“She spoke about a former friend Matthew being a right knobhead”.
Dot winked, “must be a different Matthew”.
Steve smiled, “I like Matthew. He obeys Captain Donnelly to the letter”.
Dot huffed, “she’s his commanding officer. He has to…and she had good instincts. Captain says tread carefully there’s mines, you tread carefully”.
“Mines? Oooo that might be in this book”.
Dot swore, “you’ve got the third book?”
“Yeah, but I’m only on the second” Steve gestured to Dot to sit down, “what did you think about her op in the centre of Kabul, her saving all those people? She was only a fresh solider then like…the bravery”.
Dot rubbed his jaw and looked at Kate, “I think she’s the bravest woman I’ve ever met. Stupid. But brave”.
“Yeah” Steve echoed and smiled, “I’d love to meet her- hang on. You’ve met her?!”
Dot swore, “uh uhm, yeah…back uh I did some work for the soldiers returning home. Think it must’ve been her third tour. Everyone else was gobby, y’know excited to be back on home turf. She was…sad. We got chatting and when I heard she had a book I bought it”.
“Why was she sad? Did she ever say?”
“It’s not my place” Dot replied, “she had it tough here and tough out there. I think-“
“I think Dot, maybe you should find out if Nigel has managed to get lost again or if he’s getting coffee”.
Dot nodded and stood, “ma’am” before he left the room.
“Are you going to stand all day again?” Steve teased, “come an’ sit” he patted the seat beside him and Kate reluctantly sat down.
“You reckon she’d want to meet me?” Steve asked, “I don’t even know her name but…I’d like to meet her…to thank her for her service”.
Kate patted Steve’s hand, “maybe”.
“I wonder if she’d like to go to dinner with me” Steve wondered.
Kate smiled softly, “get your press out the way before you think about if she wants to meet you Steve. She’s a soldier. She’s got PTSD. She might not like meeting new people”.
Steve nodded, “suppose…what does she look like?”
Kate sighed, “you don’t give up do you?”
Steve shrugged, “no?”
Kate rolled her eyes, “the person on the front cover of the book is her. You don’t get her face, civil liberties, but that’s her. She’s a bit shorter than you”.
“Perfect”.
“I’m sorry?’
“I like short women” Steve blushed, “can’t stand women taller than me- not in a knob way just I mean…I like being able to pull them into my arms and tuck their head under my chin”.
Kate smiled softly, “you’re really sweet you know Steve”.
“I hope she likes my CD”.
“I think she will. I’ll send it across to her once I’ve finished with you tonight okay?”
Steve grinned and nodded as Dot and Nigel came back into the room.
“Get lost or found coffee?” Steve asked.
“Both” Nigel winked, “last press are here”.
Steve nodded, “thanks” before he looked at Kate, “melon?”
Kate nodded and stood, “we’re taking five. Let them know Steve will be ready shortly”.
Dot and Nigel nodded and left the room again. Kate sat back down and looked at Steve.
“What’s up?”
Steve picked at a thread on his blazer, “I’m just a singer”.
“Meaning?”
“Captain Donnelly. She did something with her life. I’ve just sang…”
“Singing helps a lot of people you know…girls in love…boys in love…officers in Afghanistan who need some hope” Kate nudged him, “be proud of what you do Steve. It’s not saving civilians from a war but it’s saving them in another way. I bet if you checked your social media you’d see a lot of people saying your music saved their life”.
Steve shrugged, “maybe”.
Kate placed her hand on his, “didn’t Captain Donnelly say your music gave her happiness? Imagine, she’s in the middle of a war. Far away from everything she knows, every step she takes could be her last, every step her troop take, could be her last. And she hums your music. Over there, they have radios, they can listen to music…a radio station turns onto a new popstar, Steve Arnott. It’s not her normal music, it’s something different. But it’s from home. It’s home in her ears. So she hums it. She hums it when she’s scared. She hums it when she’s facing life or death. When she’s thrown into the air because of an IED going off, she hums the music. Believing that if she dies, she’s at least had happiness at the end. Your music matters Steve. So don’t for one second think it doesn’t”.
“Captain Donnelly gets blown up?” Steve sniffed.
Kate smirked and brushed the tears from his cheeks, “your music matters Steve”.
Steve nodded, “t-thanks” he sniffed and wiped his eyes, “i-I I never thought of it like that”.
“You feel up to doing your last interview today?”
Steve looked at the door and bit his lip, “five more minutes?”
Kate nodded and squeezed his hand, “of course”.
“You’re holding my hand”.
“Oh. Sorry-“
Steve squeezed her hand back, “no…I like it…don’t let go?”
Kate smiled, “alright”.
“You know a lot about Captain Donnelly don’t you” Steve mumbled, “i-I mean, obviously, cause you’ve worked with her but…why doesn’t anyone else know?”
Kate bit her lip, “if she’s a war hero she has a right to keep quiet”.
“Yeah but, she saved people”.
“She’s also killed people” Kate pointed out.
“Yeah but they were trying to kill innocents”.
“Can murder ever be justified?” Kate asked, “a lot of veterans have PTSD. Loud bangs, screams in the night, the eyes of the dead. It all adds up. Makes it hard to return to normal life”.
Steve nodded, “I can’t imagine what that’s like…suppose even the smallest of things can trigger someone”.
Kate nodded, “even just looking out at the city and remembering there was a time when you thought you’d never see it again. That the views you see today, shouldn’t be. When you shower and see the scars. The reminders that you are here, but friends aren’t”.
Steve looked at Kate, “you were a soldier…weren’t you?”
Kate removed her hand from Steve’s, “I think that’s five minutes. I’ll go inform-“
“Kate” Steve said and stood, “it’s okay. If you don’t want to talk about it, but, thank you. I guess”.
“What for?”
“You went out to fight. Fight for a country that’s not yours. You did that”.
Kate shrugged, “I didn’t have many options growing up…it was the first place that felt like I had a family”.
Steve smiled, “you ever work alongside Captain Donnelly?”
Kate smiled slightly, “all these questions…you’d be brilliant at interrogations”.
“I’d never-“
“No…but I think you’d annoy people into telling you what they know just to shut you up” Kate smirked, “no, I didn’t work alongside her. I never met her in battle”.
“Do you have PTSD?”
“Steve” Kate laughed, “you have your interviews. Not mine”.
“I’m just saying, if something is triggering to you, you can let me know and I’ll take time out again”.
Kate nodded and smiled, “thank you, now I really need to get Dot and Nige in, those pair would find trouble in a pair of tights if they’re left alone for too long”.
“Known them a long time?” Steve grinned as he sat back down.
“Years” Kate replied and let them in, “usual formation boys” before she took her place behind Steve’s sofa.
He smiled back at her, “does me calling you ma’am bother you?”
“No Steve” Kate replied, “if that’s what you wanna call me, you can call me ma’am”.
Steve nodded and looked at Dot and Nigel who were keeping straight faces.
“Right, last one today…bring it on”.
Kate left Steve’s earlier than normal, after making sure he was fed and had his schedule for tomorrow. She walked the long way home, going past clothes shops and cafes, she was tempted to treat herself to a new top. Steve’s pay for this week was more than she was used to and it was tempting to wear something other than her black turtlenecks. Instead, she found herself in a boutique beauty shop. Selling expensive shower gels and luxury bath creams.
Picking up a bottle at random, she sniffed it and was transported back to the lemon trees of Kabul.
She smiled, picking up two bottles she bought them before setting off for home. Instead of going home, however, she bumped into Steve as she left the shop.
“Steve?”
“Kate! Sorry” he flushed and looked at her bag, “sorry I uh I didn’t realise you were shopping i-“
“I thought you were going to have a quiet night in” Kate teased, “get back to Captain Donnelly”.
“I was…but well” Steve blushed, “I wanted to get you something for your back”.
“Oh” Kate blushed, “you don’t-“
“I want to. Just don’t know what scents you like so was gonna have a look to see if they had any products like loads of different ones…different scents I mean”.
Kate placed a hand on Steve’s arm, “I like citrus”.
Steve looked at her and slipped his hand into hers, “then let’s have a look at their citrus products”.
“I’ve already bought some shower gel”.
“Then lets get you some stuff to go with it” Steve stated, “and then maybe we could go to dinner?”
“Dinner? I thought I taught you how to cook?”
Steve grinned, “I am buying you dinner ma’am. Stop arguing”.
“I’m not arguing” Kate retorted and looked at the selection of body gels Steve had now dragged her to.
“Well ma’am, it’s settled. Dinner. And treats”.
Kate rolled her eyes but was smiling, “are you going to do this with Dot and Nige?”
“Nope”.
“Steve-“
“Look, I like you Kate. You talk to me like I’m normal. You’re funny. You know about Captain Donnelly, and you’ve looked after me without acting like I’m some popstar”.
“I don’t need this treatment though” Kate said and picked up a bottle of perfume, she sniffed it and smiled softly, closing her eyes.
Steve watched her and smiled, “yeah, you do” he squeezed her hand, “please?”
Kate opened her eyes and looked at Steve, “I have a past”.
“I know. But you’ve also never heard my music so you can’t judge me either”.
Kate went quiet, “i-I have”.
“What?”
“Your music. I’ve listened to it”.
Steve grinned, “but you prefer classical?”
“Classical settles me. Yours, makes me feel”.
Steve looked at Kate and stroked her face, “then let me make you feel in person”.
Kate held his hand in place, “I’ve killed people Steve” she whispered, “I’ve fought…”
“I’ve played Wembley”.
Kate sniffed and smiled at him, “you barely know me”.
“Then let me know you” he kissed her softly, placing his hand on her waist as he did.
Kate stroked his face after and found herself nodding, “okay…”
Steve smiled as Kate sipped her wine, their shopping beside her.
“So, tell me about your life?” Steve asked, “growing up…what did you do?”
“Was a bit of a troublemaker at school. Didn’t fit in…really”.
“No?”
“No…I mean I was awkward. Care home kid, liked classical music. Joined the army at 16”.
“Care home?”
Kate nodded, “parents died when I was 2. No other relatives so care home it was”.
Steve nodded, “and the army? How was that?”
“Tough. I was a short skinny scrap of a girl. But I was tough back. I fought back and proved myself. Did three tours of Afghanistan before I was sent home”.
“Sent home?”
Kate sipped her wine, “got caught up in an IED. Lucky to be alive but it was the end of my service. 8 months of physio just to walk again”.
“Wow” Steve breathed, “8?”
“Yep. That was 4 years ago. Then I went to the security company and now I’m here”.
Steve nodded, “what rank did you reach?”
Kate bit her lip, “can we not talk about it? I- I don’t like talking about…you know…”
“Of course” Steve smiled, “you decided on what food you’re going to order?”
Kate was walked back to her flat by Steve, after dinner, he’d insisted on walking her back despite her stating she was a security officer and former solider.
Steve stood at her flat block and smiled at her, “0600 tomorrow?”
Kate smiled and nodded, “0600”.
He looked at her and stroked her face, “or…”
“Or?”
“I mean” he murmured and stepped closer to her, “could be 0500”.
“0500 is when I…” Kate breathed, “it’s when I…” she looked at Steve’s lips, growing closer.
“I’m sure I could wake up at 0500” Steve stated, “if I had a beautiful officer in my arms”.
“I’m not” Kate said before crushing her lips to Steve’s.
Steve gripped her, kissing back as they moved into her flat block, “what floor are you?” he managed in between kisses.
“Top” Kate managed, “the top floor” as they backed into the lift.
Continuing to kiss throughout the floors, they made it to Kate’s flat. She fumbled to unlock it before pulling him towards her bedroom.
They collapsed onto the bed, pulling off clothes in a frantic scramble.
Steve rolled above Kate before she grinned and flipped them. Straddling him. He grinned up at her and kissed her, holding her and pulling her onto his waist.
Kate gripped his shoulders, “o-oh”.
Steve smiled and held her hips, he looked at her body, seeing the scars from her wars and smiled, “you’re beautiful”.
Kate flushed and kissed him before moving her hips, rocking back and forth. Steve watched her intently, enjoying the way lust took over her.
“Ma’am” he growled and stroked her hips, “let me?”
Kate looked at him and nodded. He turned them gently, repositioned himself making Kate moan. Her legs tightened around his waist.
“Oh Steve” she whimpered.
Steve smiled and began to thrust. It had been years since he’d had sex, finding it hard to find someone he had a genuine connection with since becoming famous.
He thrusted slower, building a pace before his hand stroked Kate’s body, teasing her nipples, lightly tracing scars, worshiping her until her body trembled.
He pushed on himself to reach his own peak and once finished he collapsed into a heap beside her. Panting.
“Wow” he breathed, “wow”.
Kate looked at him and stroked his face, “wow indeed…god…been a while since I did that”.
“Me too” Steve grinned and pulled her into his arms, he kissed her shoulder, kissing a long and red scar.
Kate held his arms, “I really wanted to use that new shower stuff you know”.
Steve grinned and slipped his hand between her legs, “I can be very useful in a shower”.
Kate shivered, “oh…oh I bet you-“
She cut off as Steve began to move his fingers.
“Very attentive” Steve murmured and moved down her body and settled his head between her legs.
Kate moaned, “oh jesus…jesus fuck Steve”.
Steve gripped her thighs, holding her legs open as she reached her peak. Whimpering under him as she came, Steve looked at her, he kissed her again and pressed against her, “shower” he growled and Kate nodded. Gripping him tightly as he lifted her into his arms before he carried her into her shower.
Kate hadn’t slept beside someone in so many years, she’d forgotten about the nightmares.
She was wired to wake at 0400 and when she did, she found Steve, wide awake.
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
Kate trembled, “i-I I’ll i-I”
“You’re safe here” he murmured and held her, “safe” he kissed her head, “you’re home”.
“I’m home?”
“Home” Steve echoed and turned on the light. He kissed her head again and sniffed her head, “you smell lovely”.
Kate sniffed, “yeah?”
“Yeah. Like citrus fruits and sex”.
Kate laughed, “new combination?”
“Maybe a bit of me too” Steve grinned and looked at her, “this happen every night?”
“Every night”.
Steve nodded and kissed her softly, “you wanna tea? Tea always helps me settle”.
Kate nodded and rubbed her nose, “please…”
Steve grabbed his boxers from the floor and pulled them on before walking into her kitchen. He busied himself with making the tea before he noticed a photo on her side.
Kate dressed in her army gear, with men surrounding her.
On the frame he saw an inscription that made his heart stop.
Cpt K. Donnelly. Unit 3745
“Mugs are in the-“ Kate started before she trailed off, “top cupboard” she finished as she saw him holding her photo.
“Never served with Captain Donnelly?” Steve spat, “did security for her?”
“Steve-“
“You fucking know her!” Steve snapped, “what the fuck Kate?!”
Kate moved towards him, taking her photo back, “I haven’t served with her”. She held her dressing gown tighter and looked at the photo, tears filled her eyes as she looked at the faces she’d lost.
“But you’ve got that! Tell me, if you didn’t serve with her then why do you have that?!”
“Because I am her!”
Steve looked at Kate, “w-what?”
“I am Captain Donnelly. Captain Kate Fleming- Donnelly, of the 3745s” Kate stated, looking at Steve, “I never served with her because I am her. Every adventure you read about. Every battle. Every bruise. Every fucking IED you read about is my story. My wins, my losses. My murders”.
Steve swallowed, “you…you’re the Captain”.
“I’m the Captain. And of this unit, only three of us made it out of the third tour alive. My second in command, Matthew ‘Dot’ Cottan and Private Nigel Morton. Your security team. It’s made of soldiers because we can’t do anything else. We protect. And we bloody well look after our own too”.
Kate placed her photo on the table, her hands shaking.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because!” Kate snapped before rubbing her head, “because I’m ashamed”.
“Ashamed?” Steve frowned, “but you’re a war hero you-
“Every second I live I’m reminded that I let my men die. I was their Captain. It was my job to get them home”.
Steve moved over to Kate, he rubbed her back, “that wasn’t your fault”.
Kate pulled away, “I was their Captain! It was my job to assess the dangers. To evaluate every single thing i-I should’ve been the one to go first” she cried, “it should’ve been me!”
Steve pulled Kate into his arms and sank to the floor with her, rubbing her back, “no sweetheart…no…” he kissed her head and held her, “what happened is not on you okay?” he kissed her head again and held her until her sobs subsided.
Kate gripped Steve and sniffed, “I lost my family”.
“You still have Dot…and Nigel” Steve said and stroked her hair, “and me?”
“You? You- we barely know each other”.
“I’d say we know a bit more of each other now” he teased, “I know you have freckles on your back. That you squirm when you come-“
“Okay okay. You know me that way…but you- you don’t know me…”
“Will you let me?”
Kate looked at Steve, “i-I”
“I bet you’ve spent years not letting anyone see you…just being security…writing the odd book…but…will you let me know you?” he stroked her face, brushing her hair back, “and I’ll let you know me?”
“You know where the clit is” Kate commented dryly, making Steve laugh.
“Yeah…but I know more than that” Steve winked, “I like baths more than showers…I like going on a run. I like to play football. Pop music wasn’t my first choice, I wanted to do soul but I haven’t got a soul voice so pop it was. I like going on beach holidays to relax…I can cook beans on toast”.
Kate smiled and nodded, “you hate TV interviews”.
“I loathe TV interviews” Steve grinned, he looked at her, “I know how you like your mug of tea, milk…”.
“And I like a bit of sugar” Kate said softly and looked at the city, “Realise was the first song of yours I listened to” she murmured.
“My first single…got to number one”.
“I hummed it the day I lost my unit…Dot says I kept humming it as we were being airlifted out”.
Steve nodded.
“I nearly lost my legs…the shrapnel is still in me somewhere, nightmare at airports”.
Steve smirked and rubbed her side.
“We were at a children’s hospital. Serving. Protecting…Mansell went outside for a cigarette. We were expecting a hit sometime soon and he…” Kate trailed off, “it was calm. After. I landed against a sign that said no smoking inside” she wiped her eyes, “Dot landed beside me…we both looked fine an’ then the blood seeped through. It went from calm to chaos very quickly. I saw bits of my men. Bits of the men who ten minutes before had teased me for saying when I got home I’d go to your concert”.
Steve grinned, “liked my song a lot then”.
“Everyone did. We all loved it. Realise gave us something. It bonded us. It untied us. Dot an’ I went into panic mode. We knew there could be another hit. The hospital it- there was no way there would be any survivors. It was only a small building but it was gone. We walked through the carnage, supporting each other, not sure if we were dying. We later learned it was the Taliban who had done the attack. Wanting to make it seem like we had done it. That our side had hit a hospital and we were just causalities of war. We found Nige in a tree. His leg broken, hanging off really. He had it amputated in the aircraft. With me and Dot holding him down…they landed us just south of Tehran. Got patched up as best they could before they flew us to Constanta, we stayed in the hospital for weeks before going home. Dot and I wouldn’t leave without Nigel. We didn’t leave each other for months. Got a house share together before Hastings found us”.
“Hastings?”
“He employed us an’ gave us the chance to live again. He said he wanted to help soldiers…give them jobs after the war. Nigel and Dot still live together but…I kept waking them with my nightmares so I got a place here. Friday nights they come over and we have curry”.
Steve smiled and tucked her head under his chin, “sounds like my Friday night. Curry. Beer. Film”.
“We’ve watched all of the Disney films now” Kate said, “Dot likes Tangled the best”.
Steve grinned, “and you?”
“I like Lady and the Tramp” Kate stated and smiled at him, “the meatball scene”.
“Does it help?”
Kate nodded, “it’s silly, but I just like seeing a talking dog”.
Steve chuckled and stroked her face, “maybe we could watch that together now? We’ve got time”.
“You should go back to bed…it’s nearly 05- 5AM”.
Steve helped Kate to her feet and moved her to the sofa, “stick it on” he smiled, “I’ve not seen it in years”.
Kate bit her lip and nodded, “thank you”.
Kate sipped her coffee as she watched Steve finish his last interview of the week. Dot leaned in, “take it you’ve told him?”
Kate nodded, “I did”.
“And?”
Kate rubbed her neck, “he’s joining us for curry night”.
Dot grinned, “yeah? Well I hope he likes Disney”.
“We watched Lady and the Tramp this morning”.
Dot nudged her, “you slept over ma’am?”
Kate smirked, “he slept over actually”.
“Good” Dot smiled and looked at Steve, discussing his old music and his hopes that he can help just one person through a difficult time.
“He helped us out there” Dot stated, “I’ll never get that song out of my head”.
“Mmm” Kate finished her coffee and placed it down as the interviewer left. She sat by Steve and hugged his side, “well done”.
“Thanks” Steve grinned at her, he kissed her cheek and hugged her before looking at Dot and Nigel, “thank you both. This week has been intense”.
“Wait till you see Nigel try to eat a curry” Dot commented, “utter disgrace to the bhuna”.
Steve grinned, “not sure I’m brave enough”.
Kate slipped her hand into Steve’s, “we need to debrief with Hastings but after that…my place?”
Steve kissed her and grinned as she blushed. Not used to being kissed in front of her men, “I might even sing Realise for you later”.
Kate grinned, “yeah?”
“Course” Steve beamed, “it brings happiness”.