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tick tock. tick tock. tick–
ricky’s eye twitches at another sound of the clock in the corner of the dance practice room. he knows that realistically, he shouldn't be able to hear it over the laughter of his members and yet he still does. the members laugh about something having to do with how matthew mispronounced a word or something like that, ricky can barely even focus. his eyes feel blurry and the shirt he's wearing feels disgusting. he can feel the threads sticking to his skin. his mind feels like it's going 0.1 miles an hour, years behind his members as he tries to catch up with their conversation and yet he can't focus on anything except that god awful clock. his eyes stay on the clock for so long that he does not feel zhang hao’s eyes on him.
ricky was always an easy person to read but hao doesn't have a clue what ricky is thinking as he stares at the clock in the practice room, not even bothering to join the conversation between members. he can see his eyes twitch as he looks far in the distance, not even seeming to be in the same room as the others. zhang hao steps near ricky, allowing him to look in the same direction as him. his round eyes look at the same corner of the room, his eyes landing on the round clock.
zhang hao looks at ricky once more. his soft eyes are furrowed as he stares at the clock, his eyes only being focused on that horrible object.
“ricky,” zhang hao whispers, it's loud enough to interrupt his thoughts but not enough to shake the others out of their laughter-filled air. ricky does not respond to his question or even make an indication that he heard the elder.
hao nudges ricky’s shoulder and he quickly looks to him. ricky doesn't seem fully present– like he's somewhere else but he knows ricky doesn't want him to worry. he never does.
“are you okay?” hao asks, his voice trying not to falter or pitch up when he speaks.
it doesn't even feel like ricky processes the question because the words are barely out of zhang hao’s mouth and almost immediately ricky is responding to him.
“ye.. yeah.” ricky stutters through the short word, nodding anyway. his eyes seemed hazy, barely even being able to focus on hao right in front of him. zhang hao wants to ask him more–if he was sure, or maybe even if he was just lying to hao but hanbin claps loudly, signaling to everyone that their break is over.
hao thinks about telling hanbin about it but ricky isn't a child. he already said he was fine, hao has to remind himself but he can't help that feeling digging at him that is full of concern for ricky. he has no time though, because very quickly does the music play and they are starting now, with no space to tell hanbin what he thought was going on. zhang hao can't help but focus on ricky from the corner of his eye, his eyes always following his cherry-colored hair. his movement is slow and almost sloppy from the lack of focus.
“ricky,” hao hears hanbin reprimand, “you're offbeat.”
ricky apologizes, his soft voice cutting into the loud silence of the room. they continue on with a few mistakes being made by others, but mostly ricky. ricky knows they can notice his lack of attention and his inability to get the movement right, so it is no shock to him when hanbin suggests ending their practice early.
their dorm is loud when they settle in, it almost always is– there's nine people living there, it's no shock. it's too loud, though. his brain can't stop feeling like it was being fried as he walks through the dorm hurriedly, rushing to the bathroom.
the bathroom door slams shut and hanbin can't help but almost jump from the sudden sound. hao’s brows furrow as he listens to hanbins uncomfortable laughter to hide his shock. the other boys could care less as they move around the dorm, playing with another member or calming down from practice.
there's no words being said between the two of them as they walk to their shared room together. the room is quiet as they scroll through their phones separately but still, something is off.
zhang hao can't shake the feeling of concern towards ricky as they sit quietly. he doesn't know if hanbin can feel it too but he's sure the other man would understand if he spoke up about it.
“i think ricky wasn't feeling good today,” hao breaks the silence, “it's… he was off today.”
“ah.” hanbin purses his lips, “do you think he’s getting sick?”
“no, no,” hao shakes his head as he turns his phone off, “like, emotionally. he couldn't focus at all.”
“i noticed that too,” hanbin says, “it was odd but he didn't want to say anything, or concern us. but i still want to know…”
hanbins sentence fades off but hao still knows the last few words, “if he's okay?” hanbin nods, affirming the other.
“you should check on him,” hao says softly, his voice nearly whispering, “i don't want to overwhelm him.”
“you won't.” hanbin assures him, but hao still shakes his head, “please. i just don't want to make him feel worse or uncomfortable.”
“okay.” hanbin nods, he gets out of the bed and leans over to press a kiss to hao’s cheek softly, “i’ll call you if i need help.”
hao nods, “alright.”
hanbin knocks at the door, “ricky?”
he waits for what feels like a minute before he creaks the door open. he could hear shuffling around the room previously but he did not question it– he thought maybe ricky was sat and going to get the door.
he's greeted to the sight of ricky pacing back and forth in the room, he has no clue how long the boy has been doing but by the sight of his wet hair that’s almost dry, hanbin has to guess that he's been doing it for quite awhile now. it's not a concerning action, ricky always does it occasionally and it's always just something to let his energy out.
what is concerning is the mix of humming and muttering whilst he's pacing. ricky always likes to brush it off and say that it's practically the same thing as his pacing and it's nothing to really be concerned about. it is though, hanbin knows, especially when with his humming he’s wringing his hands with seemingly no end in sight.
hanbin closes the door shut quietly with a click, “ricky?” hanbin asks once more, his voice softer than earlier.
hanbin isn't exactly skilled in calming ricky down from what looks like a soon to be meltdown, most of the time they were handled by zhang hao or gyuvin and hardly himself. ricky doesn't stop his humming or wringing his hands for a few minutes. neither he or hanbin know exactly how long, just that hanbin stays there for every second until he does.
ricky can feel his presence and it's so embarrassing. he wants to stop this stupid humming and pacing that he's doing but he can't– he's stuck and he has no clue for how long. hanbin's eyes drill into ricky's back as he paces and he knows hanbin is trying to be nice by subtly averting his gaze but sometimes he wishes hanbin would maybe get upset with him sometimes so he could snap out of this stupid act. hanbin wouldn't though, not in a million years and not ever.
ricky whimpers as he tries to make himself stop humming and pacing but it doesn't work. it never does– he doesn't know how many times he's tried to snap out of it with the attempt being futile.
“take your time, ricky,” hanbin whispers gently, “i’ll be here.”
tears well up in his eyes from the kind and gentle words. he stops pacing very suddenly but still continues to wring his hands about nervously. he slumps against his bed, sitting on the floor quietly as he watches hanbin follow his actions silently.
“i’m sorry,” ricky sniffles as he rubs at one of his wet eyes. he can't believe hanbin waited for him for so long to say or do something and the first words out of his mouth is a pointless apology. hanbin doesn't want an apology, he just wants his time that was wasted back.
“i’m really sorry,” ricky cries as he covers his face with the sleeves of his sweater, he's so stupid. he can feel hanbin’s gaze resting on him before he feels the man rub his shoulder gently, his thumb brushing his shoulder quietly.
“what are you sorry for?” hanbin asks, “you didn't do anything wrong.”
“practice,” ricky hiccups as he rubs his eyes again, “kept messing up and slowing us down.”
hanbin nods, “it wasn't just you, though. others were messing up and even i was too.”
“oh.” ricky says quietly, his voice barely louder than a whisper, “i didn’t realize that.”
“it's okay.” hanbin affirms, “what was wrong though? hao had told me that you seemed off during practice and i couldn't figure out why.”
“it was loud.” ricky says sheepishly, he was so embarrassed to even admit it. he didn't think he could look hanbin in the eyes after this.
“oh?” hanbin says, pursing his lips, “if that's the case then i can ask the members to keep it down sometimes–”
“no, not the members,” ricky cuts him off, “the… the clock. it was too loud.”
“oh,” hanbin nods, “that’s alright then. we can remove it then.”
“really?” ricky turns to look at him, almost in shock that hanbin would even suggest that.
“yeah,” hanbin nods, ruffling ricky’s hair with a laugh, “nobody even looks at it anyway.”
hanbin is so nice, ricky knows that but he still can't ever really understand it until hanbin shows him it without any question. ricky sniffles as he nods and almost immediately hanbin cooes as he's wrapping his arms around ricky without another word.
“sorry,” ricky apologizes again, mumbling into hanbins shoulder as he rests his head in the crook of the older man’s neck, “didn't expect you to understand so quickly.”
hanbin sighs, “i don’t.” he continues as he ruffles ricky’s hair with one hand as he speaks, “but i want to try. plus, i can't stand to see you so upset.”
ricky chuckles as hanbin presses a kiss to his cheek, “thank you.”