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Catra does not like Adora, she absolutely does not. She's favored by all of their bunkmates, and the lieutenants overseeing them. Even just her name really says it all. No matter how much effort Catra puts into her drills and keeping her bunk clean, Adora is always praised where Catra is glanced over if not yelled at for her boots not being to their Sergeant's standards. And the worst thing about it, Adora was friends with Catra growing up, they did everything together. Adora protected her from bullies and her horrible foster mother. She was there for her so many times. They even applied to be in the military together. They did this together, like they did everything. Catra doesn't like Adora, she can't anymore. They're competing now, and it's all Adora's fault for being so annoyingly perfect.
Every day they do drills, Catra tries, very hard. She pushes herself beyond what she's sure the others do, and what does she get for it? A sore back and sprained tail. Every time her tail tries to move itself in her annoyance as Adora is praised with hardly a scratch, she flinches and digs her claws into her bunks sheets. She's literally bled for this and Adora is standing there surrounded by her fanatic friends, as if she did anything special. The more the days go by, the more Catra begins to resent her for even protecting her when they were kids. Because, looking back at it, did Adora think she couldn’t handle it? Did she think she was weak? That she needed her help? The idea of that only pisses Catra off even more.
She pushes herself farther next time, and it feels like she's doing it out of spite. Inevitably, she slips up and sprains her ankle this time, her commanding officers standing by and whispering to each other as Adora, of all people, offers to help her back to the bunks. Catra throws a hiss her way and forces herself to her feet and she takes a step forward before she groans in pain, dropping to her knees. Catra bets Adora sees this and all of her thoughts of Catra being weak and needing her protection are confirmed. Especially because she complains about Catra being 'stubborn' as she grabs her underarms and hauls her to her feet singlehandedly. Catra would've admired the muscle that takes to pull off if she wasn't so busy reminding herself that she doesn't like Adora. It almost played in her head like a mantra these days.
The next time they all do drills, Catra simply doesn't do more than the bare minimum. She takes the lazy way out and doesn't try, just simply goes with the motions. She's had enough of pushing herself so hard only to be given scraps or outright resentment. If they want to hate her anyway, she's going to give them a damn good reason to. Adora, apparently, can't have that, because Catra not doing things her way must make her so angry. Well, they're not kids anymore, and Catra's not going to follow Adora around like she's her shadow. She wants to carve out her own space, and, yeah, being lazy in her drills while trying to join the military isn't going to accomplish that. But what it does accomplish is much more satisfying. Showing Adora she doesn't control her, and, by extension, showing the commanding officers they don’t control her either. Catra will do whatever she damn well pleases.
Several days go by like this and Catra tries to make it known to Adora more and more that she doesn't want to see her. She wants to be left alone. Adora has plenty of other friends now, surely they can make room for her at their mess hall tables. In fact, Catra's certain they'd be delighted to have the princess on their team. But that of course doesn't stop Adora from dropping her tray in front of Catra and taking the seat directly in front of her. She would hiss at her or roll her eyes if she had the energy to do so anymore. If Adora's trying to ware her down until she agrees to follow her around again, she's doing an amazing job of it. Too bad for her, Catra isn't one of her easily influenced friends who thinks she walks on water and can do no wrong. So, to save herself the agony of sitting in front of the beloved Adora, she grabs her tray and wordlessly leaves the table, her tail swishing behind her betraying her irritation.
One of Adora's admirers, Glitter or Sparkles or whatever, tries to talk to her and get her to talk to Adora again. Catra finds herself exhausted by Adora's constant tries to get her to run back into her arms. So she indulges whatever-her-name is by pretending to let herself go, messing with her a bit. She pretends that she actually likes Adora and goes on and on about how perfect she is because she's sure that's what both Adora and this Glitter girl want. She regales her with stories of their sleepovers growing up and how Adora would join her in her dumb schemes. The more she talked about Adora, the less it made her feel like she actually dislikes her. That scares her. So she kicks Sparkles out of her bunk with an excuse about needing to clean her bed, but she says it with more bite than needed. She can't stop herself there. The idea of not liking Adora is what keeps her going forward. It's become a familiar and almost therapeutic feeling. She doesn't like Adora. No matter how nice and worried about Catra she is.
Their next time together is on a group training exercise, which included pairing off to run drills with a partner. Catra's tail raises itself in alarm as she senses what Adora is going to do, which she of course goes on to do. Being on a team with her, having to run drills side by side, when it was always Adora ahead of her, feels insulting. She has to smooth down her tail and her neck several times as her fur raises itself in anger. Adora knows she's been distant, but she can't know she's this upset by being around her. She can't let her know she feels this much about her. She has to be completely apathetic. Which is always hard as a person who is also a cat. Her tail and ears love to give her away, showing off her emotions to everyone. It's always been the thing she's hated the most about herself.
Adora only chuckles at Catra's tail flicking in annoyance when she gives her an order to stop. Catra's ear flicks in discomfort as Adora snorts even more. She says something about it being cute and Catra's tail starts swishing back and forth. They had paused in the middle of the course for Adora to laugh at her. To laugh at her involuntary responses to her. This is not what Catra thought this would be like. Why is Adora not pushing her to go forward? Why isn't she giving her actual orders? As Adora settles down from her little laugh break, Catra can’t stop staring into her bright eyes, brought out more by the tears that gathered there from her snorting episode. Her eyes were so kind, so warm. Her smile scrunches them up in the corners. Her ponytail and work out top also are a really good look on her. She's beautiful. She's so beautiful that for a brief moment, Catra forgets that she doesn’t like her.
After that day, Catra spends almost all of her days laying in her bunk, staring at the underside of the top bunk. She sees Adora in the back of her head, her smile, her arms and legs. She grabs her pillow and wraps it around her head as if it'll keep the images from her mind. She doesn't like Adora. She definitely doesn't like her like that. That kind of stuff was always something other kids would insult her and Adora about. And something her foster mom would yell at her about after she would talk almost all day about how much fun she had that day with Adora. She can't like Adora period. It was her fault her mom didn't accept her. It was her fault for being so perfect. None of this would be happening if she wasn't always lifting weights all over, her ponytail messy and sweaty. No. No more of that. Catra can't like her.
It doesn't help when for the next couple days, Adora also includes her in her group of friends, introducing her to all of them one after another. It makes her feel uncomfortable, to meet all the people Adora left her for. It feels even worse when none of them insult her or berate her for thinking she could be friends with them or Adora. No, they open their arms wide and invite her to hang out with all of them in the bunks sometimes. They all say they love her ears and tail, but they don’t call it cute, like Adora did. She's grateful for that. That's something just between her and Adora. Who she can't like. No matter how much her feelings got in the way of that fact.
Catra feels herself falling back into the role of Adora's sidekick quickly and hates herself for it. But it also feels so good to be praised, especially by someone who is as beautiful as Adora is. And Adora offers her a lot of praise. She catches herself purring in response once or twice and she has to clear her throat to try and play it off. Adora notices anyway and tells her not to worry because it's 'cute'. During all this, Catra has to keep thinking about all the times that Adora stepped into fights for her. She doesn’t respect you, that's why she offers you so much praise. She thinks you're incompetent. She thinks you're weak. Is what she wants to be thinking, but all she can think of is how protective of Catra in particular Adora is. All the times they'd hold hands while going to school. How they'd pretend to be a married couple, with a fake ceremony in Adora's back yard and everything. She thinks about all that and can't bring herself to hate her anymore. She didn’t deserve it and Catra didn’t deserve her.
It was a couple weeks later, a week of bonding with Adora again, of recognizing her romantic feelings towards her, that Adora woke Catra up and pulled her from her bunk. Catra complains the whole time but follows her regardless. Adora surprises Catra by grabbing her underarms, just like she did months ago, and lifting her up until her back is flat against a wall on the outside of the building. Catra feels her heat beat wildly as she swallows and her breathing intensifies. She pulls her knees to her chest on instinct, prepared to kick her attacker away or claw them. Adora gently lowers Catra until she's closer to the ground. Catra laughs awkwardly at the situation and goes to tease Adora before the woman is leading Catra's head down to her's. resting their foreheads together. There goes the heartrate again.
"Can I kiss you?" Adora breathes out, sounding as wrecked as Catra feels. Catra freaks out but nods her head wildly, her ears perking up in shock as Adora actually follows through with it. Catra's eyes stay open for a beat before she closes them slowly. Her mouth stays open, her head leaning forward after Adora as she pulls away. "One thing I don't love is the sandpaper tongue." Catra laughs in response, letting all her stress and conflicted emotions smooth over with that one action.
The next few weeks, the two sneak around behind everyone's back, and just the thrill of that makes it even more fun. They might get careless a time or two with getting caught, and get reprimanded a time or two, to Adora's utter disgust. It was funny because they always call Catra in for those talks, never Adora. And Adora was still trying to protect her. She can't believe how that went from annoying her to the most romantic and beautiful thing about Adora. No one's looked after her like she has. She'd follow her anywhere. Somewhere in the back of her head she hears her mom, pressuring her to stay away from Adora, even though the woman seemed to prefer Adora when she brought her over. She tries desperately to keep her words out. It's easier said than done, especially when she had a superior officer saying much the same.
It's not too long after that that Adora and her friends all wake her up in the middle of the night, all clad in civilian clothes, dog tags gone, no green or camo in sight. Catra forgot how much she missed seeing normal people in normal clothes. Adora in particular looks amazing in her muscle shirt and white jean vest. She almost is distracted fully by that before thinking to ask what the hell everyone was doing standing over her bunk. She doesn’t get the chance because Adora's grabbing her hand and hauling her out of her bed again. Though Catra seriously doubts this will end in the same way. Everyone follows behind her and Adora. Catra grabs ahold of Adora's ponytail and tugs. The other woman complains in a hushed tone, raising her eyebrows back at her. Patient to a fault.
"What's going on?" Catra asks, being shushed by those behind her. She hisses quietly back to them as she waits for Adora's answer.
"We're leaving." Catra's eyes grow round. Now that she thinks of it, Adora had been increasingly upset with the way their military did things, of the predatory advertising. She remembers the phrase 'this isn't what I signed up for' being said. She thought it was just venting. Catra clutches onto Adora's wrist, and feels worry burrow itself in her chest.
"I can't." She whispers. "You may have a choice in doing this, Adora, but I don't."
"You do, Catra." She pleads back, bringing Catra's clawed hand up to place a kiss on it. "Leave with me. We're not free here. We never were."
"I was never free anyway."
Adora shakes her head and leans down, suddenly Catra is off her feet and her view is upside down. Adora threw her over her ridiculously strong shoulder. She kicks at Adora's chest, whining, feeling like a child all over again. Again Adora was forcing her to do things her way, this time under the guise of, what? Protecting her from a system she knew was unfair the whole time? Protecting her from her mom and what she made clear was Catra's only means forward, the military? Protecting her from herself? It felt demeaning no matter what. She hisses and yowls the whole time, mindful to be quiet because despite how annoyed she was with Adora, she didn't want her in trouble with any military official.
Adora stuffs her in a big van and takes a spot beside her. The whole thing seems sketchy as hell but it wasn't really up to her anymore, was it? Adora made the choice for her. She curls in on herself and sticks her head between her legs, feeling her tail subconsciously wrap itself traitorously around Adora's hand, seeking comfort from the situation she created. Adora brought a hand to pet through Catra's hair, which her body also purrs at.
She can't like Adora. But she does. And despite what she's feeling, that will never stop being the case. Stupid Adora and her stupid perfect everything.
She doesn't like Adora. She loves her.
Which really sucks.