Work Text:
There is a different kind of grief in losing
A future when you knew
The end was coming.
You counted down the days.
And you joked.
And then when it finally comes
Your past
And the lack of a future
Hits you like a train.
And everyones eyes are tearing up
But they get to come back.
They have more time.
A year
Two years
Three.
But your clock has struck midnight.
And the light that’s been burning for the past ten-plus years
Has finally had the cap
Lowered.
And so the tears waterfall and do not
Stop.
Because it can’t be over, right?
But it’s not my choice, it’s Time’s
And Time is one that all must obey
No matter how they plead.
And as I strip everything from me
That used to be my identity
But now is my past
I don’t know what to do.
I cry until my knees buckle
And my makeup runs
(It’s been running for hours)
And there are stripes in my blush and
Foundation and
The eyeliner advertised as waterproof
Lied.
Everything that took up
All of my time
So many memories
Has simply
Stopped.
Everything has a memory, and memories
Are all I have left now.
A new chapter has to begin
Because this one got slammed shut
Even though I saw it falling
I still feel surprised when it did.
I didn’t want to go to sleep.
It still took me an extra two hours
To get off my laptop
And get ready for bed
Because then the day and all its emotions
Would be over.
The world does not end when mine does
And tomorrow I would have to get up
And act as though I am whole
When the biggest sticker that I wore
With pride and joy
Has been ripped from my pages.
Or maybe it hasn’t.
But it sure feels like it.
It took me ten minutes to take my tap costume off so I could get in the shower.
I was crying too hard.