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Once upon a time there was a tree so tall that no one could reach the boughs. It sat alone in the middle of a field, ever-basking in the sun, so people called it the Sun Tree. Once it had blossomed with a vibrant glow, but that was long ago. The leaves had all withered away and its branches were gnarled and cracking; it seemed to personify death itself. Even so, it was the only home Laudna had ever known.
Laudna had lived up amongst the highest branches of the Sun Tree for as long as she could remember. She had made quite a comfy home for herself there. She had her crafting table, her trusty scissors, and the friends she’d created to keep her company: her dolls Sashimi and Caviar, Ropey and Boatey, and of course Paté de Rolo, part rat and part bird skull, and her oldest, dearest friend. She could talk to Paté about anything and he always knew how to make her laugh.
And there was also Delilah.
Delilah Briarwood, the woman who had raised her here in the boughs of this tall dying tree, and who kept her here, safe from all the evils of the world. Delilah was Laudna’s shield from all the people who would call her a monster, who would try to destroy her.
Delilah Briarwood, her mother.
Every night before bed, Delilah would come back home and call out “Laudna, let down your hair to me.” Laudna would oblige, tossing down her rope-like hair for Delilah to climb up into their home. She would embrace Laudna, always cupping the back of her head. Then, Delilah would say “Laudna. Mother’s feeling a little run down. Would you sing for me, dear?” and Laudna would sit in front of Delilah as she brushed Laudna’s long black hair. All the while Laudna would sing the words to the song, their song.
Flower gleam and glow, let your power shine. Make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine, what once was mine.
Laudna liked Delilah the most when she was brushing her hair because Delialh was always so kind and gentle during their little ritual. Sometimes in the mirror Laudna would glimpse a golden glow coming from her and moving into Delilah's hands, shifting to a purple hue as it entered Delilah’s body. It always seemed like Delilah had more energy after and she was usually more agreeable as well. Paté thought it made Laudna more “lifeless” but Laudna didn’t mind. It made Laudna feel good to be helpful, even if it might leave her a bit more tired and cranky. She was young and wasn’t it a daughter’s duty to help her mother whatever she asked for?
Laudna loved her mother. Delilah had protected her all her life, made her into something “more”, someone who could endure. Yet, at the same time, Laudna couldn’t help but feel like Delilah had also taken something from her as well.
If only she could remember what it was.
Laudna would try to figure it out but she couldn’t find the words. The times when she felt closest to understanding was on her birthday each year. At night, as she looked out her window, in the distance a field of lights would float up into the sky. They captivated her like nothing else did. It was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.
Delilah said they were just shooting stars, that they were nothing special, that Laudna was silly for getting so worked up about them. Delilah was probably right. After all, she knew best. And yet, Laudna could not let the notion go.
Maybe it was because they came on her birthday each year, but she couldn’t help but feel like the floating lights were something special just for her. And that thought filled her with a longing that would almost overwhelm her.
And every year, just as fast as they came, they would be gone for another year, only to be seen again in her dreams.
---
It happened in the weeks before her 18th birthday. Laudna was home alone after a failed attempt to convince Delilah to let her go see the lights. She’d prepared her speech for weeks with her many reasons why she wanted to go, why she was ready. Delilah had laughed at her “Look at you, as fragile as a flower, still a little sapling, just a sprout,” she’d replied. “You know why we stay up in this tree, to keep you safe and sound, dear. On your own you won’t survive.”
And when Laudna had attempted to protest, Delilah had gotten scary, her eyes dark and flashing purple-green sparks and she told her to never mention leaving the tower again. So Laudna stopped. And then Delilah had left. Laudna was alone.
She was talking to Paté, trying to make the time pass when suddenly, Laudna heard a noise coming from outside. Laudna knew it wasn’t Delilah: she had memorized the sounds of Delilah approaching the tree, the familiar cadence of her call “Laudna, let down your hair to me”, the routine of tossing down her rope-like hair to be a ladder for Delilah to climb.
This person was climbing up the tree. All on their own.
Laudna began to panic, nightmares barely remembered surged back into her mind, dark dreams of someone coming to snatch her in the middle of the night.
“Who do you think it is, Paté?” Laudna whispered.
“I dunno” Paté responded. “But we better be ready.”
Paté was right. Delilah wasn’t here to keep them safe, so she would have to do it. And maybe she would prove to her mother that she was ready to face the dangers of the world after all. Laudna grabbed her frying pan and pulled it back just as a girl with disheveled purple hair tumbled in. The girl instinctively put her arm up and the pan stopped mid-swing, as if held back by some magical force.
The purple-haired girl stared at her, panting eyes wide.
Delilah had always told Laudna that other people were dangerous, “The outside world is a dangerous place.” she’d said. “Filled with horrible, selfish people. You must stay here, where you're safe. Do you understand, flower?”
Delilah had warned her that other people would try to kill her, that everyone would be scared of her.
This girl did look scared but not of Laudna. Her eyes were filled with curiosity and wonder. “Your mind,” she said, “it sounds like music.”
---
After that, Imogen came to visit often when Delilah was away, always bringing little gifts from the outside world: flowers, needle and thread, ginger snap cookies. Imogen told Laudna about the noises in her head, how she often was alone because the thoughts of others could be too much, and how their fear and mistrust of her pushed her to the outskirts of the kingdom. Laudna thought all this was foolish. Who could fear someone as caring and capable as Imogen?
Imogen also told her about her dreams of red storms, nightmares that felt like they would swallow her whole. On the nights when Delilah was traveling and Laudna was home alone, she let Imogen stay, sharing her bed. When Imogen woke up screaming, Laudna would be there to get her a glass of water and hold her hand until her breathing eased.
Laudna would scribble notes in her dream journal, feverishly trying to understand the source of these dreams. The worst part seemed to be that Imogen was always by herself. That didn’t seem fair to Laudna. “You should never have to run into the storm alone.” Laudna said after one particularly unsettling night. Imogen smiled at that, in between her panicked breaths, “Maybe if you hold my hand you can come into the dream with me, too? That’d be something huh?” Imogen tried to play it off as a joke, but Laudna saw the desperation behind the words, the fervent desire that it could be true.
And in that moment Laudna knew she would do anything for this girl.
“We can certainly try.” she said.
--
On Laudna’s 18th birthday It was Imogen who helped her sneak down the tree for the first time so she could see the floating lights. When Laudna’s feet touched the ground, she was both giddy and terrified, alternating one moment to the next. “This is the best day everrrr,” she would squeal as Imogen laughed and smiled. And then the next moment Laudna would be sitting with her head in her hands crying “I’m a horrible daughter! This will kill her!” as Imogen held her until she calmed.
“I can’t help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself,” Imogen said tentatively.
“Mhmm” Laudna nodded between sobs.
“Whatever you decide is fine, this is your choice. But I think you’ll like the outside world-it’s quite lovely out here.”
“But isn’t it scary and dangerous, too?” Laudna asked.
“It can be,” Imogen admitted. “But, sometimes things that look scary can be so beautiful if you give them a chance.”
Laudna took a deep breath in. “Okay, maybe I’d like to see it, just a- just a little?” Imogen smiled the biggest smile Laudna had ever seen and took her hand as she led her onward.
---
As they traveled, Imogen told Laudna that the floating lanterns were sent by the people of Whitestone. Led by the Lord and Lady de Rolo of Whitesone, they launched the floating lights every year on the birthday of their lost daughter Matilda.
Imogen explained that when Lady Vex’halia de Rolo had been pregnant, she had been very sick, but the magic of a golden flower that glowed with the power of the sun had healed her and she had given birth to the Princess Matilda. To celebrate her birth, the Lord and Lady launched a flying lantern into the sky. But that very night someone had broken into the castle and stolen the child. They searched and searched, and they could never find her. But the Lord and Lady had never given up hope. Each year on her birthday, Lord Percival and Lady Vex’halia released thousands of lanterns into the sky in hope that, one day, their lost princess would return.
The story felt strangely familiar to Laudna, as if she had heard it before although she was sure she never had.
---
When they got to Whitestone, Laudna was immediately overwhelmed by the bright colors of the banners and garlands. It was so loud and there were so many people! Some of them looked at her oddly, like they could tell that she was out of place. “Who is that? That girl looks like the walking dead!” Laudna heard two women comment loudly. Imogen gripped Laudna’s hand tightly and glared at the gossipers. Delilah’s words whispered in Laudna’s ears: the outside world is not to be trusted, they’ll think you’re a monster, you’re not safe. Not everyone is looking out for your well-being like I am. Stay with me, my flower.
But Laudna liked the children. She especially liked the sound of their laughter, suddenly realizing that she had never heard anyone but herself laugh before.
One of the smallest girls in a yellow dress and pigtail braids came up to her, eyes wide.
“You’re scary” she said. Laudna bent down so that she was at eye level with the girl.
“it’s alright,” Laudna said smiling nervously, “I’m fun scary.”
“Yeah!” the child smiled back.
“Yeah?” Laudna choked back tears. And she showed her Paté and let the girl feed him a crust of bread.
Some other children crowded around after that to say hi to Paté as well. Others busied themselves with braiding Laudna’s hair, and adding flowers to it. Laudna liked the feeling of someone who wasn’t Delilah touching her hair - they weren’t possessive about it the same way she was.
When they were done, Laudna’s head felt so much lighter. Someone brought her a mirror and she could hardly recognize herself. “How do I look?” She asked Imogen nervously. “Do I look like a lady of Whitestone?”
Imogen kept staring at Laudna (which was odd) and started to lean in towards her face before suddenly pulling back.
“Yes,” she affirmed. “You’re beautiful, Laudna.”
Laudna felt red rushing to her cheeks.
---
It was a day of celebration, there were stands selling all sorts of food and there was music in every corner of the city. Impromptu dancing filled the streets. There were signs on every corner, advertising shops and entertainment. Laudna noticed Imogen hastily pull down a sign that said “WANTED BY THE RUBY VANGUARD” with a sketch of a girl with purple hair. Laudna wondered if this had to do with Imogen’s powers or her nightmares but she decided not to ask her about it.
They passed a shrine for the lost princess, Matilda. Laudna felt badly for the Lord and Lady of Whitestone. She imagined, even being royalty, the loss of one’s family was a heartbreak that would never heal. She wished she could let them know that from their pain had come one of the greatest comforts of her life.
Laudna pulled one of the flowers out of her hair to leave at the shrine. The wall included a mural of the infant princess. Laudna approached it, cocking her head as she stared at the painting of the child. She felt an odd twinge, there was something familiar about it, but she couldn’t quite place it.
“Laudna! Come dance with me!”
Laudna shook her head to clear it and went to join Imogen.
---
Imogen rented a boat for them to take out onto the water to watch the lanterns. As the darkness descended, Laudna began to twitch with nervousness.
“I've been looking out the window for eighteen years. Dreaming about what it would feel like when those lights rise in the sky,” Laudna confided to Imogen. “What if it's not everything that I dreamed it would be?”
Imogen stared at her with an intensity that almost crackled with electricity. “It will be,” she said, reaching out her hand for reassurance. Laudna gripped it. With Imogen there, she almost believed that anything was possible.
“And what if it is?” Laudna whispered, “What then?”
“Well that's the good part, I guess.” Imogen said, “You get to go find a new dream.”
--
The lanterns weren’t at all like Laudna thought they would be.
They were better.
The lights came slowly at first. They drifted to her, as if attracted to her very presence. They floated around her like fireflies. First one, then a few, then many more. Shades of yellows and oranges, pinks and purples, the light seemed to emanate from around her, but also within her.
They took her breath away.
… All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be
Laudna felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. Imogen. She’d brought two lanterns for them. Gently, Imogen’s fingers brushed Laudna’s as she passed the lantern to her, and it was as if electricity was running between them. Laudna had never felt so… alive.
… All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in a blur
All that time, never truly seeing
Things the way they were
Now she's here, shining in the starlight
Now she's here, suddenly I know
If she's here, it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go
Together, Imogen and Laudna lifted their lanterns into the sky. As they floated away it was as if Laudna was sending all her hopes and wishes out into the world as well. Her mind was full of things that she had never quite dared to dream before. She had been content to live her life alone, to watch the world from afar, but now…
… At last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you
“You know, Laudna,” Imogen said. “You have the biggest spark I’ve ever seen.”
Laudna beamed, shyly. “It pales in comparison to yours,” she said.
Imogen laughed and shook her head, then wrapped her arms around Laudna as they stared up at the sky in silence.
--
“I really did try, Laudna. I tried to warn you, what was out there.”
Laudna was back in the boughs of the tree. The place that had been her home for so long, but that now felt oppressive, cage-like.
She felt trapped.
Delilah had found her – because of course she had - and had brought her home. Of course it had all gone wrong. How could Laudna have been so foolish to believe that the life out there was one she could wish for?
And she hadn’t even gotten to tell Imogen goodbye.
When their boat had reached shore there had been people waiting for them, soldiers.
It’s the Ruby Vanguard, Imogen had said in Laudna’s mind They’re here for me. Imogen’s hands crackled with electricity, preparing to fight. Laudna, run!
Laudna didn’t know what to do. She stood there, frozen. Go Laudna! Imogen insisted. I’ll find you, I promise. So Laudna had run.
And she’d run straight into the arms of Delilah.
"I was so worried about you, so I followed and I saw them attack you!" She'd said. "Let’s go, you’re not safe here!" And Laudna had gone with her, because she didn’t know what else to do.
“The world is dark, and selfish, and cruel.” Delilah continued, “If it finds even the slightest ray of sunshine, It destroys it.”
Laudna was only half listening. She was staring up at the boughs of the tree. For the first time, she felt as dead inside as she looked on the outside. Laudna’s memories kept playing back the past few days - where had it all gone wrong?
Imogen, Whitestone, the lanterns, the lost princess.
The memories looped again and again until they started to overlap with each other, and suddenly it all came together, like a flash.
“I am the lost princess!” Laudna said. “Aren't I?”
Delilah just stared at her blankly, momentarily lost for words. Delilah was never at a loss for words - she always knew exactly what to say to get Laudna to do her bidding.
“Did I mumble, Mother?” Laudna felt an anger growing in her. “Or should I even call you that?”
Delilah scoffed, “Laudna, do you even hear yourself? Why would you ask such a ridiculous question?”
The nightmares of being taken in the night, the way she always felt each evening that there was more of Delilah but less of her. The way Delilah kept her here, weaving lies and guilt and shame to hold her in place.
Laudna shoved her. “It was you! It was all you!”
Delilah looked at her, shocked, before frowning. “Everything I did was to protect you.”
“I spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power. I should have been hiding from you!”
Laudna pushed past her, turning to leave.
“Where will you go, Laudna?” Delilah called after her. “She won't be there for you.”
Laudna stopped in her tracks, fear gripping her like a vise.
“What do you mean?”
“That girl with purple hair will soon be killed.”
Laudna gasped. “No!” She was shaking, dropping her head into her hands.
“Now, now. It's all right.” Delilah was embracing her once more. To have her arms wrapped around her again, holding her, was so familiar it was almost a comfort. “Listen to me. All of this is as it should be.” Delilah lifted her hand to place it over Laudna’s head.
Laudna gripped Delilah’s hand, squeezed her eyes tight, and then pushed herself out from between Delilah’s arms.
“No! You were wrong about the world! And you were wrong about me! And I will never let you use my power again!” She let go of Delilah’s hand so suddenly that Delilah fell back into the mirror which shattered on the floor. Delilah’s face darkened and her eyes began to spark green.
“You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. Now I'm the bad guy.”
--
“Laudna, I thought I'd never see you again.” Imogen pulled herself up Laudna’s hair into the treehouse.
So Imogen had gotten away and she had come to find her like she’d promised she would. But it was too late. As Imogen stepped forward, she suddenly gasped in pain as she was hit with the full blast of a spell that Delilah called the Finger of Death.
Laudna was trapped within the branches of the tree, now truly a cage. Delilah had left Laudna’s hair dangling over the side of the tree to lure Imogen here.
“Now look what you've done, Laudna.”
Imogen had escaped the Ruby Vanguard but not Delilah.
Imogen was dying and Laudna had been the bait.
Laudna? Imogen called to her in her mind
…Imogen. Laudna’s response came, weak and shaky, she felt broken. But the sound of Laudna’s thoughts fueled Imogen with a fire
Can you get out? Can you get out of the tree? Imogen asked. I need you to fight her.
Laudna responded, I haven’t been able to fight her for all these years.
Laudna wanted to - she dreamed of being free. But how could she fight someone who’d made her, who raised her to be a part of her. Delilah needed Laudna to survive - maybe Laudna needed Delilah, too.
I’m here now, I’ll help
And Imogen didn’t take her eyes of Laudna, didn’t stop staring at her, willing for it to be enough for Laudna to fight back.
“Oh don't worry dear.” Delilah’s voice cut through their thoughts. “Our secret will die with her. And as for us? We are going where no one will ever find you again.” Delilah began to drag Laudna out of the cage, away from Imogen.
“No!” Something in Laudna snapped. Her body convulsed as branches began to sprout from her, like the limbs of the Sun Tree, and her pupils dilated until her eyes were fully black. he lunged at Delilah, scratching her, tearing at her. Sashimi, Caviar, Ropey and Boatey and Paté all animated to life and attacked her, too.
For a moment it seemed like it was working but Delilah’s power surged and suddenly Sashimi, Caviar, Ropey, Boatey and even Paté turned on Laudna, pushing her back into the cage, the branches entangling her once more.
“Laudna, really! Enough already! Stop. Fighting. Me.”
Laudna would not be able to overpower Delilah, not when so much of her power came from Delilah. They had a connection between them, a bond through Laudna that fed Delilah.
But that didn’t mean she had to give in.
“No!” She screamed, “I won't stop. For every minute of the rest of my life I will fight. I will never stop trying to get away from you.” She was panting heavily, “But, if you let me save Imogen... I will go with you.”
“No. No, Laudna…” Imogen cried out.
“I'll never run, I'll never try to escape,” Laudna continued. “Just let me heal her. And you and I will be together. Forever, just like you want. I promise. Just like you want. Just let me heal her,” Laudna pleaded, praying.
Delilah examined her with a cold fury and perhaps a glimpse of understanding. Finally, she nodded wordlessly, releasing Laudna. “You have five minutes,” she said.
Laudna raced to Imogen, she dropped her form of dread as she fell to her knees grabbing Imogen’s hands in hers.
“No, don’t do this!” Imogen sobbed.
“I’m so sorry Imogen,” Laudna said, tears in her eyes.
“Laudna,” Imogen cried, “You deserve to be free.”
“So do you,” Laudna said. “I’m a dead end. And without me holding you down, think how high you can fly.”
Imogen shook her head. “I don’t believe that you’re a dead end. But ultimately that choice is up to you.”
Imogen moved Laudna’s hands away from her to the pair of scissors hanging from Laudna’s skirt. Trusty, solid shears that had served her well in crafting. Laudna felt most at peace when she was creating. To have a vision for something, and then to find the tools to form it into being.
There was a kind of magic to that, a magic that was all her own.
Like a flash of lightning, Laudna knew what she had to do.
Laudna took the scissors in her hands, raised them to her hair and cut.
The shriek that emanated from Delilah was unearthly and sent a wave of terror straight through Laudna’s bones. Laudna turned just in time to see Delilah rapidly wither away into a tower of ash, then collapsing into a pile of dust on the ground.
“Imogen?” Laudna turned her attention back to Imogen who was struggling to stay conscious. But she was smiling.
“I’m so proud,” she said.
“Imogen.” Laudna whispered.
“Laudna...” Imogen gasped out. “You were my new dream…”
Laudna was fighting back tears. “And you were mine,” she replied.
Laudna put her hands to Imogen’s heart, and something inside her compelled her to sing. Singing had been used to take from her for so long, but this song came from her and she could use its power how she chose.
Heal what has been hurt... Change the fates' design… Save what has been lost... Bring back what once was mine...
A silhouette of a flower burned gold in front of Laudna as her power surged out from her, feeding into Imogen from all sides, breathing life back into her body.
“Laudna?” Imogen said.
“Imogen!” Laudna said, laughing through her tears.
--
The Lord and Lady de Rolo were older than Laudna expected them to be the day that she and Imogen came to the castle to present themselves.
When Laudna saw them from across the plaza, she suddenly got cold feet, her twitchy nervousness returning. She tried to run her fingers through her hair before remembering that she had reduced it to an uneven bob that barely came to her ears. She put her hands behind her neck instead as she turned to Imogen.
“It doesn’t feel real.” She whispered. “Like I’m in a dream, this one’s just not a nightmare.”
“This gets to be real now,” Imogen said.
“Are you sure?” Laudna breathed. “This isn’t one of her tricks?”
“I’m sure,” Imogen said, reaching out her pinky to promise. Laudna linked hers in Imogen’s and it felt right. It felt safe. She was beginning to learn what that feeling was like, beginning to trust it. She took a breath and stepped forward.
Lady Vex’halia approached her first. There was a weariness and a sadness behind her eyes. Delilah had taken so much from her. And from me, Laudna had to remind herself. These were her parents. She could have grown up here, raised by these people. She would have been Matilda.
She wouldn’t have been alone.
You’re not alone anymore. Laudna told herself, and steeled herself to approach. Vex’halia put her hand to Laudna’s face, caressing it gently as she stared into Laudna’s eyes, and then suddenly pulled her into an embrace, which was soon joined by Lord Percy and Imogen, too.
For so long, being held had meant being possessed. Being protected had meant being kept away. Laudna had always told herself it wasn’t so bad that she could make do with watching the world from a window.
But now she had a family, a home, and people to love who loved her in return.
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you