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I’ve always wondered what would happen to Lee Hakhyun when we’d finally find Kim Dokja. Would he disappear? Would they merge together and become one? Would they possibly coexist because of the disconnected film theory? What would really happen to Lee Hakhyun once Kim Dokja is complete?
“Han Sooyoung?”
I snapped back into reality once he called my name. My head jerked upward and I looked at him, “Yeah?”
Lee Hakhyun froze for a moment before lending me a lemon flavored candy, he averted his gaze as he did so. I took it out of his hand and scanned it for a little bit. How’d he know that I liked this sort of thing?
My behavior seemed to be noticed by his eyes and he asked the following. “Something on your mind?”
“It’s nothing, let’s just go and find more of Kim Dokja’s fragments.”
I stood up abruptly, readying up before I sensed his reluctance. My head tilts and I stare at him, visibly confused.
Mustering up the courage to speak, he says, “Han Sooyoung, do you have any idea what would happen to me if we were to really bring back Kim Dokja? Would I disappear and everything I’ve achieved so far will be nothing but for naught?”
“I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to that.”
And my answer was nothing but the truth. I too, had questions that I wasn’t sure of what the answer would be.
“You’ve been helping me as to even go this far. But why are you even helping me? Is it even for my sake? Or is it just for Kim Dokja’s?”
My body stiffens and I didn’t really know what to say to that. Sure, Kim Dokja is my main priority for everything, but what of Lee Hakhyun? Will he just continue living and persevering while others think of him as Kim Dokja, and not of himself?
“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re also Kim Dokja.”
“A part of Kim Dokja, yes! You’re aware of that and I am too. But when will I stop hiding behind his shadow? When will I stop wearing his face as a mask? When will I finally be acknowledged as Lee Hakhyun and not Kim Dokja?”
“...”
“Can’t I survive with my own hands and be known as no one else but me?”
“You can stop venting your anger now, we need to move.”
All fell silent, I refused to look at Lee Hakhyun. I refused to look into his eyes, to feel my chest tighten, to feel my heart shatter at his misery. Perhaps amidst the struggles in his eyes, I see myself in the same misery as him.
“I’m not angry. I’m just... scared.”
“Scared?”
“Scared to be forgotten—scared to not be remembered for who I am.” He answers fully, and I could no longer bring myself to even say anything more.
I picked up my things before moving forward, and he still followed.