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Charles's legs were failing him, he ended up kneeling down. "I- I'm sorry..." he almost whispered, tears were breaking free from his eyes. "I didn't mean to do that..." his voice breaking.
Edwin knelt down in front of him and cupped his face with his hands. "Charles, it's okay. It's not your fault." His eyes were filled with worry, but also with love. Charles couldn't understand. How could Edwin love him even after this? He was a monster. He didn't deserve the other boy's love, not at all.
Charles was having a breakdown. He was sobbing. He didn't want to, not in front of the Edwardian boy, but he couldn't stop. Edwin embraced him, held him thight. He reciprocated the hug without hesitation. They didn't let go of each other for minutes.
Finally, when they let go, Charles could see that Edwin had also been crying, because his eyes were filled with tears. "How can you still love me, after everything?" he asked without thinking. He was still crying.
"What?... Why would you even ask such question?" Edwin's voice sounded heartbroken and a little frustrated.
"I mean... You just saw what happened. I'm a monster. I- I don't deserve your love, Edwin."
"Stop that! You are not a monster, Charles. You're anything, but that. I've already told you, it wasn't your fault. Stop taking the blame for everything... You didn't deserve a life like that."
"But didn't you see, what I just did, mate? I killed my father! My own father!" he was sobbing violently, again.
"You were only protecting your mother, he almost beat her to death! He had to be stopped... I'm really sorry it had to be this way, but you had no other choice, I'm afraid. I wish I could've helped or- or I could've do it myself- I-"
"No, mate, don't say that! You didn't have to do anything, I'm glad you didn't... I couldn't leave with the thought of you getting blood on your hands for my sake. It's not fair."
"But I would do it nevertheless, if it meant protecting you, Charles. I'd do anything to keep you safe." said Edwin with a meaningful face.
Charles looked into the other boy's teary eyes. It was filled with so much love. Of course he believed Edwin was telling the truth, how could he not? Now it was him pulling in the boy for a hug. "But seriously though, you just saw me... murdering someone, how do you not hate me, I- how can you still love me?" his voice was shaking, almost a whisper.
Edwin pulled away, and Charles grieved the loss of the pleasant embrace. Edwin looked him in the eyes, taking on a serious expression. "I would never hate you, Charles. And I- I love you, because... I can't help it. No matter what happens, I'll never stop loving you, even if you don't love me the same way. Because loving you is easy for me. It's like... breathing, it comes natural. Because you're the most loveable person... if you really didn't know..." said Edwin, giving him a faint smile as a tear ran down his face.
Charles was unable to speak, he still couldn't stop crying. He was looking at the other boy. "You really mean that?" he managed, because he needed reassurance, though he already knew the answer.
"Of course. I'd never lie to you, Charles, believe me."
Charles smiled with wet eyes. He needed Edwin to be as close to him as possible, so he pulled him in for another hug. The Edwardian boy hugged him back. They held each other tightly, once again. "Thank you." he said at last.
Suddenly, his mind wandered back to Hell, to Edwin's confession. He felt a familiar ache in his chest. He didn't really understand what it was, since he was dead and couldn't feel pain or anything... But in the arms of the most important person in the world to him, he could finally begin to understand. He loved Edwin. He knew that since the day they met, it wasn't anything new. But he realized, he didn't just love him. He was in love with him.
Charles pulled away and Edwin gave him a worrying glance. "Charles... Are you going to be alright?" asked Edwin softly.
Was he? He didn't know. But as long as his best mate was by his side, he didn't care. "Honestly, I don't know..." he chuckled awkwardly.
"Promise me, you'll be okay. That's all I ask for..." begged the other boy. His face expression was very serious and sorrowful.
Charles was heartbroken by hearing that. He looked deeply into Edwin's beautiful eyes. "I will. I will, if you're by my side." he vowed. He finally knew it was the truth.
"Thank you..." the boy swallowed. "And of course I wouldn't leave you for anything, Charles, don't be silly." the Edwardian boy tried to lighten up the mournful mood.
Charles smiled, a tear rolled down his cheek.
Two weeks had passed. Charles and Edwin were solving cases with Crystal's help. She was now officially a member of the Dead Boy Detective Agency, and Charles was glad that she was around. But he still wasn't the same. He was really distracted on cases and Edwin could notice, too.
As night came, Charles asked the other boy "D'you wanna get some air, mate?". Edwin smiled at him and nodded. So they went up to the roof and sat down.
The night sky was clear, and they were both admiring the stars. "Charles... Would you tell me what's on your mind? You don't have to, of course, but I'm here to listen." Edwin asked hesitantly.
Charles looked at him, taking a second to consider it. Edwin looked really pretty in the night light, he noted. "It's just about my dad, you know... I mean, he was a real asshole, but I- I shouldn't have done... that..." a knot was growing in his throat. That night felt... surreal, like a dream. He still couldn't believe what'd happened.
"Once again, do not blame yourself. You are not to blame, at all. And... I know it's difficult to believe, but it is the truth. I do not blame you, if that matters to you. If I were in your shoes, I probably would've done the same thing..." stated Edwin.
"I know, it's just... you know..." he smiled faintly at the Edwardian boy and he felt the tears forming in his eyes.
Edwin smiled back at him with an understanding gaze. "I know." was all the boy said, and he took Charles's hands in his. Charles squeezed the other boy's hands.
They sat there silently, hands in hands, enjoying the view. He could almost feel as the slight night breeze was blowing. In this exact moment, he was beginning to feel that he was on the long way of healing.
He was really grateful for Edwin just being next to him. He knew, for more than thirty years, that all he needed was Edwin. Sometimes, he wished he knew the boy back when he was alive, that they were from the same time. But he knew that this is exactly how everything should've happened, and he wouldn't change a thing.
Now Charles was admiring Edwin, who was lost in thought. He really wanted to kiss him right now. "And do you wanna tell me what's on your mind, Edwin?" Charles asked, breaking the peaceful silence.
"Hmm?... Oh, I- I was just thinking about you..." the boy seemed to be blushing, though Charles knew ghosts couldn't blush. He felt the heat slightly reaching his own face, too. "And I was thinking about Niko, too... I really miss her." the Edwardian boy gave him a sad smile, and Charles noticed tears slowly rolling down the boy's face.
"I know... I miss her, too... I wish I could've saved her or- or help her I-"
"There was nothing we could do. Esther Finch is the one to blame, not any of us." Edwin interrupted. "I just wish she was here, is all. She was... a ray of sunshine." the boy smiled.
"She really was." Charles smiled, too. He stood up and went closer to Edwin. The other boy also stood up. A moment later, they were clinging onto each other. Both of them held each other so tightly, as if their bare existence relied on it. Ever since Hell, all of their embraces were like this, they were so scared of losing one another.
When they let go, they stared deeply into each other's eyes. Charles couldn't resist anymore. He broke the distance between them, and gave the Edwardian boy a gentle kiss. He pulled away, hoping he didn't do the wrong thing.
Edwin looked at him, confused. "Ch- Charles?"
"I'm sorry, I just- my mind kept wandering back and wandering back to Hell, to what you've said, all the time, and since then, I had quite a lot of time to figure out what I truly feel about you..." he confessed.
The boy seemed... a little afraid, maybe. Charles could see that he wanted to say something, but the words didn't leave his mouth. So instead, he was the one that spoke again. "I started to realize, about two weeks ago, when... that happened, that I- I'm in love with you."
"But- you said in Hell, that-"
"I know what I've said. I've also said that we've got forever to figure it out, and I did. I wouldn't lie to you, especially not about this. I'm in love with you, Edwin Payne." he placed his hands on the other boy's shoulders and held eye contact with him.
Edwin smiled with teary eyes. "You already know, but... I'm in love with you, too."
Charles chuckled cheerfully, tears were still forming in his eyes . "So... does that mean I can kiss you again?" Maybe he was just imagining it, but Edwin's cheeks flushed once again. A moment later, Edwin leaned in and put his lips on his. Charles cupped the boy's face and kissed him back. It was the best feeling he'd ever felt. This kiss was so much better than his kiss with Crsytal, because he could actually feel it physically, and not just in his mind, but also in his heart. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest, which was just stupid (Edwin would certainly tell him: 'Charles, you're dead, which means your heart cannot beat.' ).
The first kisses were gentle. Then suddenly, it started to become filled with desire, hunger, with all their undiscovered pining for one another.
After a few minutes, they finally managed to let go. They looked at each other. Edwin's hair was a little messy and his lips were red. Charles figured he must look the same. They giggled. Edwin took his hand and pulled him down with him so that they could lay down on the floor. "Oi! I don't really sleep with anyone after the first kiss!" he laughed.
"Charles!" the boy gave him a warning glance.
"I'm just kidding!" he said with an apologetic look. Edwin smiled at him, then looked up at the sky. Charles couldn't pull his eyes away from the boy, though.
They were holding hands and this was how Charles wanted to spend their afterlife, all of eternity. He wanted Edwin by his side, to hold his hand, to put his lips on his. He wanted Edwin.
He often wondered when he was going to find true love, the one that everyone was talking or reading about, even back when he was alive. After he met Edwin, he slowly understood that he'd found it, just not necessarily in a romantic way. But these last couple weeks proved him wrong, in a positive way. He could see that he was really going to be alright, at last.
But deep in his soul, he knew he would never forget the guilt, he would never forgive himself for the sin he'd committed. He would never be the same.