Work Text:
Conversations April to May 2024
1st April – April Fool’s Day
S: Morning pal!
H: No.
S: What d'ya mean 'no'? All I said was good morning!
H: Good morning but I am not getting into a conversation with you, coming over to see you or going anywhere with you. I'll see you tomorrow.
S: (sounding confused) Hutch, what's gotten into you?
H: What don't you understand about no conversation?
S: (genuinely bewildered) But... But...what did I do? Have I upset you somehow?
H: (uncertain) No, it's just...You do know what today is, don't you?
S: Monday.
H: And?
S: What?
H: Oh. I figured you knew it was April Fool’s Day and had some trick planned for me.
S: Oh! Completely forgot! Oh well, there's always next year.
H: (sounding relieved) Oh well, in that case, shall I come over and we can go take the dogs out somewhere?
S: Sounds great. See you shortly.
Starsky puts the phone down and turns to grandson, Max.
S: He's on his way!
Max: (chuckling) You're terrible, Gramps. You even had me thinking you'd forgotten April Fools Day!
S: As if!
Later the same day.
Well, here's what Starsky and Max did (for those who care and with thanks to Carol for the idea of what Starsky might have planned).
Hutch drove the short distance to Starsky's house and parked up. Behind him, Dizzy and Oscar wagged their tails in anticipation of seeing their friends Rusty and Starsky.
"Good dogs. Stay," Hutch said, then added through the open window, "Won't be long."
It was only as he climbed out of his car that he saw the end of a ladder peeking out from the side of Starsky's house. It was on its side and looked as if it had fallen rather than been placed there. Hutch went to investigate.
As he rounded the corner, his breath caught in his throat. Starsky's grandson, Max, was on the ground next to the ladder, lying with his limbs all at odd angles.
As Hutch hurried forward, he heard Starsky calling from the back yard.
"Hey Max! Where are ya? Hutch will be here any minute. I gotta get ready to go out."
As Hutch reached Max, Starsky came around the back of the house. Hutch heard him draw in a sharp breath.
"Max." Starsky hurried forwards and, just as Hutch was kneeling down to check on Max, asked, "Is he okay?"
As soon as Hutch put his fingers gently on Max's neck, Max's eyes shot open and he grinned.
"Got ya!"
Hutch blinked rapidly and then shook his head in disgust. He looked up to see his friend doubled up with laughter. He got up and dusted off his knees.
"So help me, Starsky! It's bad enough when you do it but getting your grandson involved? Below the belt! What if the shock of Max being hurt had given me a heart attack? What then?!"
Still chuckling, Starsky only looked slightly sorry as he replied, "Your heart is as strong as an ox. And besides, you played a trick on me last year involving Ollie, your grandson! I'd say we're even!"
"Hmmf."
Hutch turned and headed back towards his car. Starsky and Max looked at each other and then followed quickly.
"Hey pal, it was just a joke. We're still going to walk the dogs, aren't we?"
Hutch stopped by the car and looked back at the two tricksters, but said nothing until they were quite close.
"Now!"
Something came flying through the open window of the car and hit Starsky squarely in the chest. A second later, another projectile hit Max. As they looked down at their egg-covered chests, they could hear Ollie and Hutch laughing.
2nd April
(For National DIY and Peanut Butter and Jelly Day)
S: Morning pal. What are you up to today?
H: Morning. I'm just about to start repainting the shelves in my den. They need sprucing up.
S: Want some help?
H: Well, only if you're not busy. It would be quicker with the two of us.
S: Say no more. I'll put on some old clothes, make some PB and J sandwiches and then I'll be right over.
H: I do have peanut butter and jelly here, you know! You don't have to bring your own!
S: Yeah, but you've got bread with bits in and I prefer my sandwiches on white.
H: (Rolling his eyes) See you soon, Gordo, and thanks.
S: My pleasure. See ya shortly and Blintz?
H: Yeah.
S: Don't think I couldn't hear you rolling your eyes!
4th April
Younger guys' conversation today on a day off.
H: Starsky? Why are you being so weird, even for you?
S: I don't know what you mean, pal.
H: Well, what's with the suddenly swerving off the sidewalk for starters? And why did you jump over that sleeping dog? You gave the poor thing a start!
S: Well, I was reading my zodiac prediction this morning-
H: -I keep telling you that's all junk!
S: Anyway, it said something green would cause me trouble today and to take action to avoid it.
H: How ridiculous! So the swerving?
S: Avoiding a bush and a tree.
H: And the dog?
S: Only realised at the last second that it was wearing a green collar so I had to take drastic action.
H: (slapping his own head)
S: Where are we headed anyway?
H: The park.
S: But...but it's full of-
H: Green grass, green bushes and green trees.
S: Oh.
H: See you later when you come to your senses!
S: Hutch, you're my pal, my best friend, you ought to be a bit more supportive!
H: Of what?! Your being held hostage to superstition? I don't think so.
S: Huutch!
H: If you care to join me, I'll buy you an ice cream. Otherwise I'll see you later.
S: What flavour?
H: How about mint choc chip?
S: You're cruel, you know that don't ya!
H: (Grinning)
(National Walk Around Things Day and because I was talking to someone yesterday about my teenage addiction to mint choc chip ice-cream!)
5th April 2024
Journey part 1
S: Got everything?
H: Yes. What about you? The trunk looks pretty full. Packed the kitchen sink, did you?
S: Ha ha. I just like to be prepared for every weather condition and every eventuality.
H: I think the anti-bear spray might be unnecessary.
S: Anti-bug spray, pal, and if we see a bear, I'm outta there!
H: I'll protect you from bears, I promise. Let's get going.
S: Got the directions?
H: Yep and my map at the ready.
S: Don't get us lost like that trip last year!
H: Hey, you did the map reading last year!
S: No, you map read, I always drive, Blintz.
H: Not last year, Gordo. You'd hurt your shoulder. Remember?
S: Oh yeah... Well, don't get us lost.
H: Never have, never will.
S: Don't say that! That's inviting trouble!
H: It's all under control...Although rather annoyingly the place we're going is right on the map fold.
S: Isn't it always!
Journey part 2
S: So?
H: We're not lost.
S: What are we then?
H: Taking a diversion?
S: Hmm...About how long till you admit we're lost?
H:...another hour at least!
Both: (Grinning)
Journey part 3
S: At last! Six hours when it's supposed to take three!
H: Stop moaning. I got us here, didn't I?
S: Eventually.
H: Not my fault that road was closed.
S: I guess...How about I navigate on the way back?
H: I am not driving your tomato so no! Anyway, heading back will be easy.
S: With our luck? Really?
8th April 2024
Novel part 1
S: (The long legged jogger made his way around the park in gently galloping strides...)
H: Starsky! Where did you come from? You frightened the life out of me! What are you doing here?
S: I'm writing.
H: (Thinking face)
S: In my head.
H: Well, go home and write down whatever it is you've thought of and quit following me!
S: But you're my inspiration for my novel. It's called The Lone Runner and-
H:-Don't tell me the plot of yet another novel that is never going to exist except in your head!
S: When I publish my best selling novel, you'll be sorry that you were so dismissive.
H: When you publish, I will be first in line for your autograph and I will read it multiple times but till then...GO AWAY!
Novel part 2
H: I've been thinking about your novel title.
S: Oh yes?
H: The Lone Runner sounds awfully familiar.
S: Does it?
H: Yeah. Does he have a sidekick called Tonto?
S: No, his sidekick is called Torino.
Novel part 3 - just about to head into work in Starsky's car.
H: The curly haired ragamuffin, known as Torino, wandered along the desert road looking for treasure in the form of burritos.
S: Hey, you can't hijack my idea and my character! And I am not a ragamuffin! What is a ragamuffin?
H: I have no idea, but I'm sure you are one. I noticed you didn't object to Torino searching for burritos.
S: Speaking of...I'm hungry. Can we go get burritos?
H: We haven't even started our shift yet!
S: So?
11th April 2024
S: How's it going, Max?
Max: I don't know what to write, Gramps.
S: Well, what was the title again?
Max: The teacher said write about anything but use the word yellow or include something yellow.
S: Yellow? Hmm. Well, let's make a list of what is yellow or has yellow on it.
Max: Lemons...butter...banana milkshake.
S: You are a boy after my own heart, thinking of food first!...What about sand...the beach...sunshine.
Max: Hmm. Hornets have yellow on them. I could write a story about killer hornets.
S: You could. Where are you setting it?
Max: At the beach.
S: Who are the characters going to be?
Max: You and me.
S: I'm not sure I want to be attacked by killer hornets! Will there be a happy ending?
Max: You'll have to wait and see.
S: Atta boy! Let me know when you finish and I'll be your first reader.
Max: Great. Thanks Gramps.
(A bit late for encourage a young writer day.)
18th April 2024
For Poem in Your Pocket Day
S: You go first.
H: No, you. It was your idea to celebrate poem in your pocket day.
S: Oh all right then. Here goes:
Useful but neglected
Very unappreciated
Where would you be without me?
Do you ever thank me?
Take time to remember me
Your pocket
H: Very interesting...I don't think they meant actually write about pockets!
S: Well, why not? If Neruda can write about clothes, why not pockets?
H: True.
S: Come on then. Let's hear yours.
H: Okay... (nervously)
I take you with me everywhere
When life gets heavy, full of care
I have your voice inside my head
My brother and my dearest friend
And if I need you by my side
One call and you will just arrive
I'm thankful for you every day
It's me and thee all the way
S: Beautiful, just beautiful, pal.
H: Thank you.
S: Want to hear my other poem?
H: You wrote two?
S: I got two pockets, don't I? Here it is. Hope you like it:
Sometimes I might neglect to say
The words that would clearly convey
I'm glad I have you as my friend
Your love and loyalty has no end
So it's me and thee, pal, every day
Thee and me all the way
H: Aw, thanks.
S: You're welcome, you big lug. You got time for a coffee?
H: Always.
20th April 2024
"Oh. They've got the Fats Domino I was looking for," Starsky said flatly.
"Isn't that a good thing?" Hutch asked, as he looked up from flicking through the sea of vinyl in front of him.
"Yeah, it is, but they also got the Buddy Holly, the Chuck Berry and the collection of Rock 'n' Roll Greats I've had my eyes on."
Hutch rolled his eyes. It was always the same. Starsky could make split second decisions every minute of every day but stick him in a record store and he would take hours to decide which record to buy.
"Why don't you buy one a month for the next four months and buy them in alphabetical order?" Hutch suggested.
It was an eminently sensible suggestion but Starsky looked at him like he'd taken leave of his senses.
"What? That means starting with Buddy Holly!"
"So?"
"I can't do that!"
"Why not?"
"Well, for various complicated reasons too deep for your philistine soul, I can't."
Hutch rolled his eyes again, selected an LP called Groovy Nights that would be good for the Saturday night party they had planned (some of their air hostess friends were in town and wanted to dance, amongst other things) and then went to the counter to pay. He looked back to see his partner still debating his choices. He shook his head and went outside.
By the time Starsky came out, Hutch had walked down the street and bought lunch for them both and was settled back in Starsky's car.
"So? What did you buy?"
"Rock 'n' Roll Greats 'cause it'll be good for our party and I asked the manager to put the Fats Domino aside for me. What did you get?"
"Groovy Nights."
Starsky raised his eyebrows suggestively, saying, "Oh yeah, definitely hoping for a groovy night this weekend."
Hutch tried to hide a small grin and pretend he wasn't thinking the same thing but Starsky knew better and just nodded at him knowingly. In response, Hutch punched his arm.
"Come on, put this thing in gear so we can go eat. I'm hungry. I had to wait ages for you to make up your mind. As usual."
"All right, all right. Your place or the park to eat?"
"It's a beautiful day, let's go to the park."
As they drove to the park, they both relaxed back in their seats, smiling at the beautiful day and the anticipation of listening to their new records and sharing a fun weekend with their lady friends.
(National Record Store Day)
21st April 2024
S: Hutch, do you prefer chocolate covered raisins or chocolate covered almonds?
H: I wouldn't eat either if they're covered with chocolate.
S: You're weird. I only eat them because they're covered with chocolate.
H: That does not surprise me!
S: So you'd eat almonds plain?
H: Yeah. They're not my favourite but I'd eat them in a mix of nuts and dried fruits.
S: Eww. What's your favourite kind of nut?
H: Cashews.
S: Oh! Here you go! Have these!
H: What are these supposed to be?
S: Chocolate covered cashews. I bought them by mistake. Thought I could pass them onto you.
H: Well...I guess I could eat them.
S: Great!...How are they?
H: Okay.
S: Glad you like them. That will be fifty cents.
H: What?! Why do I have to pay for something you don't want?!
S: Well, because I got no money left and I want a candy bar.
H: Sometimes, Starsky, sometimes...
S: Thanks you're a pal!
H: I am...but you owe me fifty cents and don't forget it!
(National Chocolate Covered Cashews Day)
22nd June 2024
1980
H: What the heck is that?
S: It's a jelly bean.
H: But it's blue!
S: I know! The Candy Company have brought them out. They did red, white and blue ones for Reagan's inauguration and now they've added them into the general selection.
H: Bet they're full of chemicals. Blue just isn't a natural colour.
S: What about the sky? That's blue.
H: You don't eat the sky!
S: For your information, they are blueberry flavoured.
H: Oh. What do they taste like?
Starsky pops one in his mouth and snacks his lips.
S: Delicious! Try one.
H: All right. I will.
S: Well.
H: Not bad.
S: High praise indeed from you! Have another.
H: Well...okay...We'd better get on with these reports.
S: Yeah, I guess. I'll run down and get that info from Detective Services. Back in five.
Half an hour later.
H: Where have you been? I've nearly finished these reports all by myself. Or was that the idea?
S: Sorry, got talking to Minnie.
H: Flirting more like it!
S: Well, she-Hey! Where did all my jellybeans go?
H: Ah...well, I may have eaten them.
S: What? All of them?!
H: Consider it payment for writing your reports!
(National Jellybean Day)
23rd April 2024
S: Good morrow, fine sir!
H: Oh no, please no! Please tell me it's not that time of year already!
S: Indeed, it be speaketh like yon Master Shakespeare day. Forsooth, how goeth it with you, Master Hutchinson?
H: I'm fine.
S: My heart is filled with a cornucopia of emotion upon hearing such news. What plans haveth ye today?
H: My plan is not to see you till the novelty has worn off! Say around 11?
S: That soundeth sound to me, good Master Hutchinson. Until we meet again, faireth thee well.
H: Faireth thee well too... (rolling his eyes) every single year!
30th April 2024
Starsky walked into Hutch's kitchen and placed the plate of oatmeal cookies onto the counter before they could be sniffed at by wet noses. He petted the dogs that were all pawing at him and wagging their tails then did a double take.
As Hutch came into the kitchen, Starsky said, "Er Hutch? Am I seeing things?"
"I don't know. Are you?"
"What I mean is. When I was here on Sunday you had two dogs: Dizzy and Oscar. Now you appear to have three! Where did the golden retriever come from?"
"Oh. Well, that's a funny story..."
"I'm all ears."
"Well, you know I regularly visit the shelter Dizzy came from..."
"Yes."
"Well, Hamish here came into the shelter a few weeks ago because his owner had passed away. No one wants him because he's getting on a bit and the shelter is getting a bit full so I thought I'd take him home with me and let him spend his last few years in a nice place."
Starsky picked up a cookie and started munching to cover up the fact that yet again he was bowled over by how soft-hearted his friend was and always had been.
Through a mouthful of crumbs, he said, "That's a great thing to do...have a cookie to celebrate the new addition to the Hutchinson household."
"Thanks. These look good."
"Hello, Hamish, I'm Starsky. Do you want a bit of cookie?"
"Starsky!"
"What? Oh, you don't want me to give him a treat? Is he on a diet?"
"No, but he will be if he spends too much time with you!"
(Prompt: National Oatmeal Cookie Day and Adopt a Pet Day)
4th May 2024
4th May 1980
"Please, Hutch."
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's a beautiful day and I don't want to be stuck inside the movie theatre for hours."
"Please."
Starsky's tone had moved from wheedling to pleading and Hutch was fighting the urge to cave. He came up with another reason: "I don't like Sci-Fi movies."
"You've never tried one and you'll love it. I guarantee it!"
Starsky's face was filled with enthusiasm.
Hutch tried a compromise: "I'll go with you to see the new one you keep going on about. What's it called? Emperor Strikes?"
"The Empire Strikes Back," Starsky gently corrected then pointed out, "It won't make no sense if you ain't seen the first one."
"Any sense not no sense," Hutch mumbled under his breath, unable to completely forgo correcting his friend's terrible grammar. He sighed. "Does it have to be today? When's the new movie coming out?"
"The premiere is on the twentieth but it's only this weekend that the theatre is reshowing Star Wars...Please?"
As if he could sense Hutch weakening, Starsky's voice had grown hopeful.
And Hutch, who could refuse his miracle partner nothing, knew he was doomed to a visit to the movie theatre. Miracle partner was the description he applied in his head because who else could have survived last year's Gunther attack and be back by his side? Even if it had taken until only a few months ago. Only Starsky. Only his best friend. And he was so grateful for more time that he now made it a priority to use that time wisely...even if it meant being indoors on a beautiful May Sunday.
"Oh all right then. What time?"
"Three. Thanks pal!"
"Fine. Will you come back for me later?"
"Nah, I'll stay, help you water your plants."
The offer was made because Starsky too knew the value of the gift of time.
Hutch handed his partner his small blue watering can with the words, "Just don't drown them!"
(Happy May the Fourth Be With You Day! Empire premiered 20th May 1980)
9th May 2024
Hutch looked at Starsky's washing line and did a double take.
"Er Gordo. Why have you washed your socks and only your socks?"
"Well, I've got so many socks without a matching partner now, I figured if I washed every single sock I could find I'd be bound to find some of the missing ones!"
Hutch looked at the line again.
"And?"
"Well, how many pairs can you see?" Starsky demanded.
"Looks like about five."
"Yes, five! Where are the other seven, Hutch, where? Where do socks go?"
"I don't know, buddy, I just don't know."
(National Sock Memorial Day apparently!)
11th May 2024
It's US National Mini Golf Day - you know what that means!
H: The stakes?
S: Dinner at Huggy's.
H: No, we haven't paid our tab this month. We'll have to go somewhere else.
S: Good point! How about that new Mexican place near the harbour?
H: How about if you win, we go there. If I win, we go to the Herb Garden.
S: That's raising the stakes.
H: Scared? Want to call it off?
S: No chance! I love mini golf and I never lose!
H: What about the time-
S: -I knew you'd bring that up! That seagull put me off my stroke! That contest is invalid.
H: Yeah, yeah.
12th May 2024
They had just settled down to the boring job of watching the house when Starsky suddenly said,
"There once was a bright red Torino
With a white stripe that was just so fino!
My car is the best.
It'll pass any test.
But my partner is just a big meano!"
Hutch looked at his partner in horror and then, with a sickly look on his face, said, "Please tell me it's not Limerick Day today!"
"I could tell you that but I'd be lying," Starsky responded, a grin lighting up his face.
Hutch groaned and closed his eyes. He pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Hey? Have you got a headache?" Starsky asked with concern.
"No, but I think I will have by the end of this shift!"
Also 12th May
After being on the stakeout for four hours, Hutch had got so bored he was trying to write a Limerick on the back of his sandwich wrapper. He scribbled out a word and replaced it with another then said, " Okay, how about this one:
There once was a captain called Dobey
Who tried to eat healthy twice weekly
But the stress from his men
Made him give up again
And we soon saw him snacking on candy."
Starsky rubbed his hands together with glee."Excellent! I've trained you well, apprentice."
Hutch rolled his eyes. "Who's next?"
"Minnie?"
"All right but you better not let her ever see it or you'll be in trouble!"
Later same day…
The stakeout was nearly over when they both said, "Done!"
"Read mine first," Starsky said.
Hutch read and spluttered, "You can't say that!"
"Why not?"
"You just can't. Anyway, mine's much better!"
"Give it here!" Starsky grabbed the piece of paper and read aloud, "There once was a gal with a grin
Who went by the name of Min
She put up with a lot
From Starsky - that clot
With her he never would win."
Starsky turned to see his partner cracking up.
"Not funny and not true. I'm wearing her down!"
"Sure you are. You keep telling yourself that. Anyway, the shift is over. Let's get out of here!"
"Huggy's?"
"Of course."
22nd May 2024
Sitting in the Torino on a stakeout.
S: I had the weirdest dream last night.
H: About what?
S: Well, we were in your car-
H: -that is weird. You never let me drive!
S: Ha ha. Anyway, we got this call out to go see a snitch at some dodgy warehouse.
H: And?
S: When we got there, we parked and then headed down an alleyway. Next thing, boom! We run back to find your car is a ball of fire.
H: What! My poor car!
S: So in the dream I said, 'Never mind, Blintz, we still got the Torino,' and you said-
H:-that's not much consolation!
S: Hey, that's exactly what you said! Dream you and real you are both mean!
H: I'm not the one who hates his partner's car so much he wants to see it blown up! You've always hated my car, Gordo, and your subconscious has proven it!
26th May 2024
"Yes!"
Starsky yelled in triumph as his paper plane flew the length of the squad room and landed on the filing cabinet. Hutch grimaced and handed over a fiver dollar bill.
The door to the Captain's office flew open and they both pretended to look busy.
"Where's your report?" Dobey growled, not bothering with any pleasantries.
"Just coming, Cap."
"Hmm."
Dobey went back into his office while both detectives gathered up papers and filed them. Then they took them in and dropped them on his desk.
"Hmm."
As soon as he was back at his desk, Starsky put his jacket on.
"Time to go," he said to Hutch.
Hutch picked up on the urgency in his partner's voice and slipped his own jacket on.
As they headed to the door, they heard the shout go up.
"Starsky!!! Why do these papers have creases in them?"
(Prompt: Paper plane day)
27th May 2024
Starsky looked up from checking where he was carefully placing his feet to see Hutch was doing the exact same thing as they climbed up the hillside.
"Hutch? Are you finding this hill a bit steep?"
"Are you?" was the inevitable response.
Neither of them could ever admit weakness in case it meant losing a bet.
Starsky decided to be honest: "Well, my right knee isn't liking this hill...And do you feel like you're moving slower than you used to? I do."
Starsky stopped to take in the view and draw breath. Hutch did the same.
"We're still fit. How come this hill is so difficult?" Hutch wondered.
"It's because we've hit 55," Starsky said, shaking his head. "My mother always said she started falling apart at 55, now it's our turn!"
"Well, buddy boy, you're six months older than me so you'll fall apart first!"
Starsky punched his friend on the arm. "Keep that six months older jibe up and I'll push you down the hill!"
Grinning, Hutch said, "So onwards and upwards to the view? Or downwards and straight back to the cabin for a beer?"
Starsky pretended to think about it before saying firmly, "Beer! Last one back pays for the next pack of Coors."
Laughing, they both headed downhill at a steady pace. Not as fast as they used to but still pretty speedily. After all, a bet was a bet.
31st May 2024
S: Hutch? Do you ever think about...?
H: No, not really. Do you?
S: Well, sometimes when something like this...
H: Yeah. Things like this can make you...
S: Exactly. And it's makes me feel very grateful that...you know.
H: Yep. Me too, pal.
(National Finish Your Sentences Day...Or in this case, don't, because with our boys complete sentences are unnecessary.)