Work Text:
Conversations June to July 2024
4th June 2024
S: Hey Hutch, did you read about this?
H: What 'this'?
S: This cheese rolling contest.
H: No, and what are you talking about?
S: Apparently, every year in May in Somerset in England, people rush down a hill after a cheese. People break legs and all sorts. It's classed as an extreme sport.
H: Why would they do that?
S: I don't know but I think it sounds great!
H: And that just proves that you are crazy!
S: An Aussie won the cheese this year. Wish I'd known about it sooner, I would have liked to take part just once.
H: I'm glad you didn't or we might not be having this conversation!
6th June 2024
Set March 2020
S: Hey Hutch, how are you this morning?
H: I'm well. How are you?
S: Great. I have a craving for a milkshake though.
H: We can go somewhere that does milkshakes today...if we must. Anywhere in mind?
S: Gibson's.
H: Have we been there before? It doesn't ring a bell.
S: No, I've only just heard of it. It's actually called Gibson's Gourmet Burgers and Ribs.
H: Ah, so you mean you want ribs and the milkshake is just an excuse!
S: Actually, I may not have room for ribs, I intend trying lots of different milkshakes. It's their speciality.
H: How many flavours?
S: Two hundred and seven.
H: What?!
S: Yeah, it was in the Guinness Book of World Records that you got me for my birthday.
H: I'm not surprised with that many flavours. So shall we head there this morning.
S: I think we might have to save up first.
H: What? Why? Milkshakes aren't that expensive.
S: No, but the flights are.
H: What flights? Where is this place?
S: Oh didn't I say? It's in Cape Town.
H: Cape Town as in...
S: Africa.
H: Starsky! I am not going to Africa for a milkshake!
S: Not even for two hundred and seven different flavours?
H: Not even for that!
(Apparently, the most varieties of milkshakes commercially available in a restaurant is 207, achieved by Gibson’s Gourmet Burgers and Ribs (South Africa) in Cape Town, South Africa, verified on 17 October 2019 by GWR.)
7th June 2024
H: Hello?
S: Oh good, you haven't been kidnapped.
H: Of course, I haven't been kidnapped! Whose phone are you using? I didn't recognise the number.
S: My next door neighbour's.
H: Why are you using your next door neighbour's phone?
S: Because you weren't responding to my messages so I figured you were either kidnapped or screening!
H: Well, I haven't been kidnapped.
S: So why are you trying to avoid me?
H: Because it's June 7th.
S: Yes, sirree bob, it sure is! And two of my favourite National Days: Donut Day and-
H: -Don't say it, I beg you!
S: Oh come on, Hutch, ya know ya love Oklahoma Day!
H: Every year, I tell you it's about the State not the musical!
S: And every year, I say what better way to celebrate than by singing the song of the same name!
H: No, Starsky.
S: But you've got such a beautiful voice and I'm looking forward to it, my wife's looking forward to it and this year so are my neighbours.
H: What?!
S: Well, since I had to borrow their phone, I had to explain why.
H: Starsky!
S: Come on, Blintz. Stop fighting. You know you're gonna give in and if you do, I'll buy you a donut.
H: Not interested, Gordo.
S: All right. I'll take you for a shake of butterfly bones and dessicated daisies. All right?
H: ...Oh all right then.
S: Great. Let me put you on speaker. Right, take it away!
H: The things I do...
OOOOOOOO-Klahoma! Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain...
12th June 2024
Hutch knocked on the door and then walked in, knowing that neither Starsky nor his wife would mind. He had 'family' status and had no hesitation in using it. He made straight for the kitchen, where he found his friend pouring out two mugs of coffee.
"Morning!"
"Morning," Hutch replied, as he set the cookie tin he was carrying down on the counter.
"Oh good!" Starsky said, with a grin, "You remembered!"
"How could I forget when someone, naming no names, left post-it notes all over my house saying: 'Twelfth of June, National Peanut Butter Cookie Day'?!"
Starsky shrugged and handed Hutch his coffee. Then he opened the tin and bit into a large, tasty looking cookie.
"Mmmm."
Hutch smiled.
They chatted for a while and then Hutch observed, "It's been a while since we had an evening listening to my old records. When are you free?"
"How about this Saturday evening?"
"Great."
Hutch reached into his pocket and pulled out a pad of post-it notes and a pen.
"Whatcha doing?" Starsky asked.
"Returning the favour," Hutch declared. He wrote a post-it out and stuck it on Starsky's fridge.
Starsky read it out loud: "Saturday: Coffee Cake...You know, I don't think Saturday is Coffee Cake Day."
"It is in my house and you're bringing one over," Hutch declared.
Starsky grinned as he said, "All right, Blintz. I'll make you a coffee cake. Hey, where are you going with those post-its? I won't forget!"
"Just putting them in the same places you did: study, bedroom, bathroom, shed, greenhouse..."
14th June 2024
For National Wear Something Blue Day
H: When are you going to get rid of those crummy old jeans? There are more holes than there is material!
S: Tell you what: I'll get rid of my jeans if you get rid of your crummy car.
Silence.
S: That's what I thought.
17th June 2024
H: Starsky? What's the matter?
S: Nutthin'.
H: Well, why are you playing with your food?
S: I'm just wondering what this is. You said you were going to cook me a nice dinner!
H: This is a nice dinner!
S: But where's the meat?
H: Humans don't need to eat meat every day.
S: Well, this human does!
H: Shut up and eat your vegetables or they'll be no dessert!
(Eat your vegetables Day)
18th June 2024
Starsky watched Hutch eating yet another raw carrot and couldn't help wondering if his friend was going to turn into Bugs Bunny.
"What's up, doc?" he muttered.
Hutch, who had been reading through a report, looked up and asked,"Did you say something, partner?"
"Nope. So now you're up to speed, what's next?"
"Interviewing the second witness again? Mr Anders. He lives near the marina."
"Perfect," Starsky said, as he got up and put on his jacket. "We can take our meal break at the Taco Bell and then head to talk to Mr Anders and see if he's remembered anything else."
As Hutch walked towards the door, he tripped over a waste paper basket.
"Those carrots aren't improving your eyesight," Starsky observed, with a grin. "Maybe you need to step up the amount you eat...' course then you'll turn into a rabbit!"
Hutch rolled his eyes. "You said that about salad last week!"
Starsky shrugged. "Everything you eat is something a rabbit would enjoy."
"Well, you don't see any rabbits around here wearing glasses, do you?" Hutch sounded pleased with his joke.
"I don't see any rabbits at all," Starsky pointed out. "You know, I think those carrots are making you hallucinate!"
21st June 2024
(Set before The Bait – for the purists who will know that Hutch knew what a philatelist was in that episode! I like to think Starsky told him and then promptly forgot.)
H: All right then, what's a campanologist?
S: Er, someone who loves camping?
H: Ah-ah, someone who loves bell ringing.
S: Don't be ridiculous! How'd they get the word bell out of campa?
H: I don't know. They just do.
S: Hmm. Your turn. What's a philatelist?
H: It's philanthropist, dummy, and it means-
S: -I know what a philanthropist is, dummy! I'm asking what's a philatelist?
H: Hmm. So it's got the same start ‘phil’ so it's got to mean love of something.
S: Correct, but love of what my friend, love of what?
H: You're very irritating, you know that?
S: What? Because I know I word you don't?
H: Hmm. Oh, I don't know. Love of lists?
S: Nah. Stamps. It's someone who collects postage stamps.
H: Really?
S: Yep.
Just then there was a knock at the door and two detectives arrived to relieve them from stakeout duty. They headed out gratefully.
H: Huggy's for a beer?
S: Definitely...What do you call people who love beer?
H: Us.
S: You got it in one!
23rd June 2024
S: You know, I've been thinking...
H: About what?
S: Well, about how when we went undercover, I was usually outside doing all the hefting and you were usually inside, nice and cosy in an office. Why was that?
H: I think we've had this conversation before, Gordo. We each did what we were best at and anyway most of the time it was Dobey's orders!
S: I think he always figured you were the brains and I was the brawn but he was wrong. I was just as brainy as you!
H: Yeah, yeah. Maybe he was thinking more along the lines of Beauty and the Beast.
S: Hey! Watch it!
Max, who had been chuckling along with his friend Ollie, suddenly piped up: Maybe Captain Dobey was thinking Pinky and the Brain?
Ollie echoing: brain, brain, brain.
H: Bit after his time but again I'm happy being the Brain!
S: Funny that. I'm perfectly happy being Pinky! He was more practical and always got them out of trouble, Blintz!
30th June 2024
They were on their way to the cabin, along with Ollie and Max, for a weekend of meteorite watching. Max, who took after his grandfather in more ways than one, looked up from his comic and asked, "What are we going to eat tonight, Gramps?"
"I don't know, Max. Tonight's meal is Hutch's job. Tomorrow we got pizzas."
Max and Ollie looked expectantly at Hutch, who said, "Knowing tomorrow's dinner would likely be pizza, I packed some healthy things."
Starsky groaned. "It better not be butterfly bones. I hate those."
Hutch rolled his eyes. "How about water melon?"
"I love water melon."
"Me too!" said both boys.
"But Blintz, water melon is all well and good but it's not an evening meal!"
Hutch shrugged.
"We've got bread and cheese and fruit too."
"Hmm."
All the talk of food was too much for Max. "I'm hungry now. Did you pack any snacks, Gramps?"
"Is the Pope a Catholic? Of course, I packed snacks. There's popcorn in that bag in between you."
"Yeah!"
Soon the boys and Starsky were munching popcorn. Up ahead, they saw a sign for a garage coming up in a few yards.
"Think I'll stop. Anyone need the toilet, you can go now."
Once they'd used the facilities, Starsky started towards the shop.
"I'll just see if they got anything we can eat for dinner."
"No, you don't need to..." Ollie trailed off and looked at his grandfather for confirmation. Once he received a nod, he added, "Grandpa and me packed rolls and frankfurters to have for dinner tonight."
"You did?"
"Yes, we did," Hutch affirmed. "I figured you'd want junk food this weekend, Gordo!"
Starsky rubbed his hands together. "Well, that's more like it! Let's get on the road again! The sooner we get there, the sooner we can start cooking."
3rd July 2024
Random conversation on a stakeout...
"Three down. Ten letters. Starts with a C. Overflowing, horn of plenty."
"Cornucopia."
"What?"
"Corn-u-copia."
"Hmm. So what language does that come from?"
"Greek, I think. Corn means horn. Copia means abundance."
"How do you remember things like that?"
"I don't know. I just do."
"So unicorn means one horn."
"Yes."
"Hmm...Why isn't a rhinoceros called a bicorneros?"
"I have no idea! Maybe they were struck by the size of its nose so that's why it got that name. The word rhino is linked to noses."
"Pity. I think the name bicorneros works better."
"Well, next time we see a rhinoceros in downtown Bay City, you can call it a bicorneros if it makes you happy."
"Thank you, I will."
8th July 2024
S: Hey pal, I just re-read this terrific story where I got attacked by a cougar. You know the one?
H: Oh yeah, that was a good story. I read an even better one where you got eaten by a bear.
S: Sounds painful. Did I survive?
H: Barely, but I'm sure you'll be okay next chapter.
S: I don't think we should go camping anymore. It's too dangerous!
H: I keep telling you don't muddle fiction with real life. We're going camping next weekend and you're not getting out of it.
S: Promise me there won't be any bears or cougars.
H: I promise. Only mosquitoes and poison ivy
S: You just love seeing me miserable!
9th July 2024
S: Morning pal.
H: Morning.
S: How did the gardening go yesterday?
H: Great, thanks. I got lots done.
S: Good. You got your holly staked?
H: My hollyhocks, yes.
S: And your loopies weeded?
H: Yes, my lupins are looking good.
S: What about your Daphne's?
H: My delphiniums are looking great. Why don't you come over and see them around coffee time?
S: I'll do that. See you later.
H: (under his breath) Sometimes I think it was easier when he took no interest!
11th July 2024
S: Sit. No Rusty, I said sit. Yes, good boy. Now stay. Perfect. (Takes a photo.) Right Rusty. Let's play ball. Fetch. Rusty, fetch!
H: That dog does not like fetching - unless it's food. Hmm. Kind of reminds me of someone.
S: Quiet you! Right, let's get all the dogs lined up.
H: Why?
S: Because I want a picture of all my pets.
H: But those two are my dogs!
S: (Sounding wounded.) I thought we shared everything.
H: Oh fine. Dizzy. Oscar. Sit. Stay. Good dogs.
S: Show off...Rusty. Sit. Stay. Good dog!
H: You too, Starsky.
S: Me too, what?
H: Get in line. I want a picture of all my pets!
S: Why you...
(For National Pet Photo Day.)
12th July 2024
S: Favourite thing to do on a summer's day?
H: Walk barefoot around my garden.
S: Favourite drink on a summer's day?
H: Iced water... occasionally an iced tea.
S: Favourite food on a summer's day?
H: Green salad with a lemon dressing followed by homemade lemon sorbet.
S: sometimes I wonder about you. Where's the flavour? The excitement?
H: I like to keep things simple. I'd ask you the same questions but I reckon I know the answers.
S: Go on then. Tell me my answers!
H: A beer, a burrito, ice cream and all eaten or drunk at the beach.
S: Hmm. What flavour ice cream?
H: This month? Chocolate.
S: Well, that's where you're wrong. Salted Caramel is flavour of the month.
H: Since when?
S: Er... five minutes ago!
(For National Simplicity Day. It's also paper bag, eat your jello and eye colour day, which I managed to cover last year! )
17th July 2024
S: I'm hungry.
H: You're always hungry.
S: But this time I'm really hungry. My stomach thinks like my throat's been cut.
H: That's a horrible expression! Where'd you get that from?
S: Dunno. Anyway, I'm hungry. Let's stop to eat before we head back to the squad room.
H: Okay, fine.
S: How about there?
H: Nope, no burritos.
S: There.
H: No, we don't have time for pizza.
S: How about here? I'll pay. Hot dogs on me.
H: Okay. Done. Gordo, just remember mine is without-
S:-anything remotely tasty. Don't worry, Blintz! I know what you order by now!
(National Hot Dog Day)
18th July 2024
National Caviar Day apparently. I couldn't help but think of that scene in Bust Amboy and a possible conversation a day or two afterwards.
S: How many times have you eaten Caviar in your life then, Blintz?
H: I don't know. Two or three.
S: Voluntarily?
H: Yes!
S: But it's disgusting!
H: It's not disgusting, Gordo. It's just that your palate hasn't been trained properly.
S: It's disgusting and my palate don't need no training. It knows what it likes!
H: You're a philistine when it comes to food. You know that, don't you?!
S: Better a philistine than a lunatic who eats fish eggs for pleasure... Let's go out and get some real food, eh?
H: And by real food you mean?
S: A meatball sandwich with everything you can think of.
H: (horrified face)
19th July 2024
Words With Friends Day - celebrating friendly word competitions.
H: Five minutes left, pal. How close are you to finishing?
S: That would be telling.
H: That means you're nowhere near. Clearly, I'm going to win this bet.
S: The fact that you're talking, Blintz, and trying to distract me tells me you're stuck.
H: I am not stuck. I've only got three clues left to go.
S: Me too. Ah! And now only two. Face it, pal, dinner's on you.
H: No, I'm down to two, Gordo. Sweating yet? I think I'll have lobster.
S: You don't even like lobster!
H: I do when you're paying!
S: Two minutes left. Down to the last clue.
H: Hmm.
S: And I am done. Huggy, I'll have a Starsky Special with all the trimmings and my pal here is paying.
Huggy: A fine choice and for you, compadre?
H: I'll have a burger but none of the stuff my friend likes to have.
Huggy: Also a fine choice...By the way, we don't serve lobster here. I hope you weren't planning on eating somewhere else if you won?
H: Of course not, Huggy...Starsky, give me your paper, I want to check the last word I couldn't get.
S: Look at it later.
H: Why not now? Give it here!
S: No.
A scuffle ensues and Hutch gets the paper.
H: Hey! Three of these answers are made up words!
S: They're not. They're just in a language you don't understand.
H: What would that be then? Starskish?
21st July 2024
H: Morning Starsk.
S: Morning.
H: I've got something rather special with me today for us to have with our coffee.
S: Donuts?
H: Nope.
S: Blondies?
H: No again. Actually I don't know what it is. The note said 'open it with Starsky'.
S: Now, I'm curious! What note?
H: Well, this package has come all the way from a friend in Australia and I'm promised there's something edible inside.
S: Okay, let's open it.
Hutch carefully opens the sealed package to reveal a wrapped box of Lamingtons.
S: What's a Lamington?
H: Oh I've heard about these: it's cake dipped in chocolate and then covered with sprinkles and bits of coconut.
S: Hmm. Not sure about coconut, but I'll try anything once. Shall we?
H: Yep.
Experimental then contented munching noises follow.
H: Delicious!
S: That was all right. Four left. Enough for two more coffee mornings. You free tomorrow and Tuesday?
H: Yes, I am.
S: Do I keep them in a tin or a fridge to keep them fresh?
H: Neither.
S: Oh? What then?
H: I keep them because left here they won't survive the night!
National Lamington Day in the US - the Lamington is an Australian treat. (No sprinkles on their version of it though! Apologies for throwing sprinkles into the mix! Must be a US sweet tooth thing )
26th July 2024
Writing prompt: the Seven Dwarves
SEVEN DWARFISH MOODS
"What now?"
Hutch could hide his irritation no longer. Starsky was a terrible patient and he was fed up with 'doctor'ing.
"Oh, sorry, Hutch. Can I have some more tissues, please?"
All of this was said in a thick nasal voice and followed by a very sneezy noise and a desperate bid to contain it in a last scrap of tissue.
Hutch instantly felt guilty. After all, Starsky had this cold because of him...sort of. His partner had jumped into the water because he thought Hutch was drowning.
"Guzundheit and yes."
He collected the new, large box of tissues he'd recently bought and took them in to Starsky.
"Here."
"Thanks, pal."
"Do you want some more pills?"
"Please..." As Hutch walked away, Starsky added in his little boy voice, almost bashfully, "And some OJ if it's not too much trouble?"
"Sure," Hutch said. Anything to make his partner happy.
Hutch collected both items and brought them back to the bedroom. He sat with Starsky for a while, talking about nothing, until his partner started to look sleepy.
"Get some rest, Starsky," Hutch suggested as he stood up.
Starsky wriggled down under the covers.
"Thanks for looking after me... You're a good second best to a dark haired buxom gal in a blue and white uniform."
"Didn't know you had fantasies about Snow White, Gordo."
"No, I meant a nurse, dummy!"
"Oh course you did, Dopey."
"If I'm Dopey, you're Grumpy!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
27th July 2024
S: Go USA, go, go, go!
H: Quieten down a bit, will you! It's not like they can hear you!
S: 'Course they can hear me! Go, go, go. Yessssss!
H: Is the whole evening going to be like this?
S: Of course! It's the Olympics. If you don't like the noise I'm making, why did you come around here to watch? Why didn't you stay home?
H: Because my wife's even noisier than you are!
S: (laughing face)
31st July 2024
S: How does Captain Hook put his clothes on?
H: Carefully.
S: No, I'm being serious. How does he get his jacket on over a hook?
H: Gordo. You do realise Hook is a fictional character?
S: But if he wasn't, then how?
H: (Deep sigh) I expect he unscrews it.
S: Really?
H: I guess if I was a pirate with a hook for a hand, I would unscrew it to get dressed and undressed.
S: Hmm. Do you think the Cat in the Hat sleeps with his hat on?
H: Good night, Gordo. I'll see you tomorrow...when you're sober!