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Charles Rowland had no reason to be pacing back and forth like he was.
Afterall, wasn’t he the one who told his best friend that the feelings he had for him just didn’t match up with his own? He himself stood on the steps down to Hell, holding the other boy, telling him that it was something they could figure out later. There was plenty of time in eternity and they weren’t going to lose each other again.
And yet, more and more recently, Edwin was slipping out in the evenings, disappearing for hours at a time without a word. Initially Charles wrote it off, choosing not to look too far into it. Just because they’d stuck by each other didn’t mean they were incapable of spending time apart. Initially the question of “do you want me to come with?” turned into “can I come with?” The answer, however, remained a no each time. It’s fine , he told himself. Edwin was his own person and was more than allowed to leave on his own. This didn’t mean he was losing him.
But how could he be so sure? After all, he really didn’t know where Edwin was running off to. It wasn’t as if he didn’t trust him, but if a man can be ripped away from you and dragged to hell right before your very eyes, it wouldn’t seem entirely impossible that something could happen to him alone in the middle of the night. The threat of being sent to hell once more may not have been looming over them anymore, but there were certainly other things to watch out for. Edwin was smart, that was undeniable, but he was still one person.
Charles pulled the desk chair out and sat in it, rubbing his hands across the tops of his thighs in an attempt to calm himself down. Tonight was the longest of Edwin’s disappearances and with each tick of the clock, Charles' nerves began to tighten. As the tension in his shoulders grew heavier and heavier, he kept telling himself it was fine. Everything was going to be alright. Crystal hadn’t seemed concerned when he brought it up. If no one else was as worried as he was, the fear must be irrational, right? He didn’t need to play the part of the crestfallen lover waiting for their partner to return home from war. It’s not like he was in love with him.
He had said he would figure it out later, and later needed to come soon or he was going to go properly insane…
~~~
Being dead leaves you with plenty of time to master new skills, and Charles learned this quickly after he passed over. Taking advantage of this, he refined his abilities in different areas, including growing to be an expert in making the best of every situation. Sure, life (and the afterlife for that matter) sucked sometimes, but there wasn’t much use sitting in the suffering. Intimately aware of this, Charles made sure he could find the light at the end of the tunnel, even if it was millions of miles away.
So why the hell couldn’t he find a single positive about Edwin sneaking off to meet with that bloody Cat King?
Maybe it was because he had caused them so many problems by trapping them back in Port Townsend. Maybe it was because he had frequently popped his head in at the most inopportune times, snatching Edwin away when they had much more important things to be focused on. Maybe it was because he thought they had seen the last of him back in America and to learn that the thorn in their sides was still stuck there was just a bit too frustrating.
What Charles knew for sure was that it had nothing to do with the fact that the Cat King looked at Edwin as if he were a prize to be won and he had earned it a long time ago. No, never that.
And what Crystal knew for sure was that Charles saying he didn’t feel the same way as Edwin did was total bullshit.
It wasn’t a secret. At least it wasn’t to anyone who wasn’t Charles and Edwin. But how exactly do you begin to unpack such a loaded topic like that? Where would she even begin? Though she was initially unsure on how to bring it all up, Charles’ rants were growing in frequency alongside Edwin’s solo trips out. And if a jealous rant about another man stealing your crush isn’t the perfect opportunity to point out said crush, when is?
Crystal was laying on the couch as Charles flipped through the books on their shelves, looking for nothing in particular as he vented. He pulled one out and flipped through the pages, not taking in a single word.
“But it’s the third time this week. What could they possibly be up to? It’s not like he’s in cat form lounging in the sun. He goes out after it sets.” Charles' irritation grew more apparent with each question. He had been going for about an hour and initially Crystal tried to be supportive, assuring him that it wasn’t anything to worry about. Her words fell on deaf ears and she had abandoned her efforts about fifteen minutes in.
“Have you ever stopped to consider the possibility that maybe you’re jealous?” Crystal asked, cutting Charles off before he could continue talking in circles.
“Jealous of the cat? No. I’m just worried for my best mate.” He insisted, quick to shut down that idea. Crystal on the other hand was having none of it and rolled her eyes at the use of “best mate.”
“Charles, I was worried for him too. You know what I did? I trusted that the same person who fought his way out of hell twice could hold his own against a cat man. And guess what? He comes home safely every time. So please, sit down and take a deep breath.” Crystal said, propping herself up on her elbows. Charles opened his mouth to argue but was cut off before he could. “I swear you’re like in love with him.”
He stiffened at the words, dropping the book in his hand.
“I’m not in love with him. It’s not-” he stuttered, bending down to pick the book back up. “It’s not like that.”
He looked at Crystal and nearly flinched at the unimpressed look on her face.
“Well, it’s not really like that. I don’t think so. It’s just… he talks about them like they’re dates. Like this Cat King is seducing him. That mangy feline doesn’t deserve him.”
“Oh, you’re so in love with him.” Crystal teased, flopping back onto the couch.
~~~
Charles tried his best not to focus on what Crystal had said, but it echoed around in his brain for the next few days. He had told himself it wasn’t true, but his own lingering glances had become more apparent and his drifting thoughts were growing more undeniable. Surely he hadn’t been thinking of Edwin this much all along, so when did it all start? Curse Crystal for dragging all of this up and causing him to overthink everything even more. Really, this was the last thing he needed.
Charles was in the process of pretending it all never happened when Edwin came into the room.
“Right, I’m going out for a stroll. I’ll be back soon.” He said, straightening his jacket. Charles looked up from the book that was cracked open in front of him.
“Again? This is the third night in a row. Where are you going?” Charles asked, closing the book and rising from his chair.
“If you must know, I was heading out to meet with someone again.”
“For a case, yeah?” Charles asked, dreading the answer he knew was coming.
“Well… not exactly.” Edwin said, a small smile creeping up on his face that he was quick to wipe away. Charles, however, saw it come and go.
“And what if I say no? You can’t go out tonight.” Charles asked, crossing his arms and trying his best to look a bit more intimidating. Edwin, being as Edwin as ever, was unwavering. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his own arms, mimicking the other boy’s posture.
“I don’t believe I was asking for permission.” Edwin said. His words were sharp and Charles felt the sting. “What does it matter to you, Charles? I’ll be back soon enough.”
“I just don’t like having to wait up for you-”
“Then don’t wait up. I’m not asking you to pace holes in the floor.” Edwin gestured to the worn down patch of carpet in front of their desk. “I truly do not understand why you’re so upset.”
“You really can’t see why I’d be so annoyed that you’re out with him all the time? All these little dates of yours? I don’t want you sneaking around-”
“We are not sneaking around -” The lack of denial about them being dates was not lost on Charles.
“I don’t want you being around someone else like that.” Charles said before throwing himself down onto the couch. Edwin’s demeanor changed, his shoulders stiffening and his posture growing impossibly straighter.
“Being around… someone else like that?” Edwin asked. Charles shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “But being around you like that… that would be alright?”
“Don’t make me say it, mate.” Charles said, trying to brush past it though he knew the hole had already been dug.
“No, no. I want to hear you say it. Go on then.”
“I… I don’t want you to see the Cat King. And I don’t want you to see Monty or anyone for that matter.” Charles said, his gaze unable to meet Edwin’s that was practically boring holes through him. Somehow, he mustered the strength to walk around the desk and stand across from him. “I don’t want you going out and playing boyfriends with someone else while I sit here, pace here, until you come back. I don’t want to spend my night thinking about you holding hands with someone who wouldn’t run to the ends of the Earth to save you like I would.”
“Like you would.” Edwin repeated. Charles finally looked up and saw that Edwin’s face had softened, and a hint of a smile played at his lips.
“Yes. Like I would. Because… I mean, I went to literal Hell for you, mate. You know… all that…”
“Well, you’d think thirty years would be enough time for you to finally say it, but the thought is there nonetheless.” Edwin said, leaning forward to adjust one of the buttons pinned on Charles’ jacket. “And I love you too. Even if it’ll take you another thirty to properly say it.”