Work Text:
Beomgyu never thought of himself as the paranoid parent, but the second he and Soobin stepped home with their newborn baby in his arms for the first time, he realized the word terrified wasn't enough to describe all the anxiety he felt. So much could happen and hurt their perfect baby outside of those clean and safe walls. Or even worse, something could happen inside the protection of his own home.
“We need to buy outlet protectors,” he said to his husband.
“She won't be crawling for at least a few months,” Soobin answered as he put the baby car seat away inside the nursery they prepared. Beomgyu stood still in the middle of their living room, his little bundle of joy engulfed in his arms.
“Still,” suddenly he worried if the temperature was too cool for her, or maybe it was too hot and she was sweating under all those layers of cute fluffy clothing she was wearing.
“It's okay,” Soobin reappeared in the room, calm and steady, “We will get her everything she needs.”
When Soobin said that he was talking about baby-proofing their house, but maybe he should've bought them a third person instead. Two people aren't enough to look out for a little one, not even close.
The first few weeks after the baby came home were the hardest ones by far. The constant crying and helpless baby needing their attention every time of the day was exhausting for the both of them. Whether it was feeding her, changing her, bathing her, or just rocking her around to stop the crying and sobbing coming from their little girl's mouth, the two were always quick to attend to her.
All the exhaustion they felt was almost crippling to their bodies, sometimes Beomgyu felt too tired to even eat properly and wash his hair, but none of those feelings came close to the love he felt for his babygirl. Soobin wasn't any different, at the same time he felt so extremely tired, he dreaded the day he would need to go back to work and leave his tiny bear for eight full hours.
It was part of their agreement when they decided to have a baby: one of them would have to drop out of work and stay at home for a while, at least until she was old enough to be enrolled in daycare. Soobin liked his job more, and also earned more than enough to provide for his family, so it was an obvious decision they were both fine with. But once his baby was laying in his arms for most of the day, he just wished he could stay with her a little longer.
"Do you think she will miss me?" he asked the night before his first day back at work.
"No, she can't even see your face properly yet," Beomgyu replied, sounding a bit annoyed by the question, "now go to sleep please, it's late."
"If it was you leaving you would be so dramatic right now, Beoms."
"Definitely," he rolled on the bed and turned on his side facing Soobin, "thank god it isn't me."
"For real, do you think she will miss me?” Soobin tried again, his heart already hurting with separation anxiety.
“I don’t think so,” Beomgyu reached the other’s face, his fingers softly laying on his cheek, “she won’t love you less just because I spend more time with her, you know that,” Soobin pouted, feeling so warm by his lover’s words, “she will love you less cause you’re lame and you won’t let her mom sleep.”
Beomgyu’s words came back to bite him in the ass quicker than he thought. Just a few days after his daughter turned two months old Beomgyu was distracted watching some show on Netflix, focused on enjoying some relaxing time while Soobin was busy bathing and dressing the little one for bed, when suddenly he heard his husband screaming from the other room.
“Holy shit! Beomgyu!” Soobin yelled, “Beomgyu come here!”
That was the worst possible way he could’ve announced it, because while Beomgyu felt the desperation and fear engulf him, he entered the nursery to find Soobin with the biggest smile he had ever seen, eyes teary and focused on the baby lying on the changing table.
“What? Oh my god, is she okay?” Beomgyu quickly pushed Soobin aside and started inspecting the little one, looking for somewhere she could be hurt or bleeding. When he finally gave up checking the back of her head and focused on her tiny face, he wanted to cry too. “Oh my god, she’s smiling?”
He meant it as an affirmative, but because she didn’t have any teeth yet her mouth didn’t look much like one. Still, judging by the soft look in her eyes and the cute way her cheeks were squeezing them, it was clear she was smiling. Beomgyu quickly realized she was smiling at Soobin.
“I can’t believe you made her happy before I did!” He quickly came back from the initial shock to slap Soobin’s arm playfully, “That should be me!”
“Sorry babe, I think I’m her favorite,” he came close to the table once again and finished dressing her up, “Who’s daddy’s best girl? There she is, dressed so pretty and ready for bed,” his voice immediately changing to a high pitch he only used to speak to babies or puppies, “Daddy loves you so much my perfect girl,” Soobin smiled and hovered over her, bumping their noses together, “I’m her favorite,” he eyed Beomgyu with a smirk on his face.
Beomgyu pouted sulking for not being the one to earn the first smile, but honestly there wasn’t a single ounce of envy in his body, the amount of love and happiness he felt from seeing his family together like this didn’t leave any room for other feelings. He didn’t think it was possible, but at that moment he fell even more in love with Soobin.
“She’s gonna learn my name first, you just wait.”
The two of them had quickly fallen into this comfortable routine as three, Beomgyu checks on the baby when he wakes up, changes her night diaper and lets her nap most of the time. When she is awake, he tries to hold her most of the time and stimulate her, always talking and trying to get her attention with the toys. Sometimes when he needed to shower, or cook, or do literally anything while Soobin wasn’t home, he would quickly leave her on the crib and do it. Their days went by smoothly, the two of them together most times.
And then Soobin came by after work, sometimes tired, but most of the days just grateful to spend time with his precious family again. They would eat dinner together, then Soobin would shower, put the baby to sleep and most nights just watch her sleep for as good as twenty minutes.
“I wish she wouldn’t sleep so early,” he sulked, Soobin was only able to get home at 6 P.M., only 2 hours before she started dozing off and feeling tired, “She’s gonna forget me and be traumatized cause she thinks her dad isn’t in the picture.”
“I know you’re joking when you say that,” Beomgyu answered, “but you’re the last thing she sees when she sleeps, and sometimes when it’s the two of us she keeps looking around the room. I think she’s looking for you.”
“She’s so smart,” Soobin held Beomgyu closer, his arms wrapping around the other’s waist until Beomgyu’s back touched his chest, “she got that from you.”
“Definitely.”
One afternoon the two were sitting on the couch, Beomgyu had a movie playing but he wasn’t really paying much attention anyway, and the little one laid on her back while busy trying to fit her whole foot inside her mouth. Beomgyu thought the sight was adorable and decided to take a picture of it, but as he patted his pocket he noticed he didn’t have his phone with him. Looking around the room, he found the device lying on the table under the television, so he quickly got up to get it.
As soon as he turned his back from her, for less than a second, he heard some shuffling and then a loud noise of something hitting the floor, followed by a cry, so loud and heard he never heard from his small girl before. When he looked back he noticed she wasn't on the couch anymore, but faced down on the floor.
“Oh no,” he ran to aid his baby and noticed a thin trail of blood leaving from her nose and staining her face, “Oh, Bunny, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, it’s okay.” He fetched her blanket from the couch and held it to her face, which seemed to even make her cry harder. It took Beomgyu a few seconds to notice he was crying as well.
After a few minutes holding her the bleeding still hadn’t stopped, Beomgyu started getting desperate, even more so as the area became purple, a bruise forming after the strong impact. Overcome by anguish he got the car keys, his phone and left with her, immediately driving to the nearest hospital.
Soobin had just finished a meeting when his phone started ringing loudly inside his pocket, he excused himself from his coworkers and went into his office to take the call. When he saw the caller was Beomgyu, his heart dropped. They texted a lot, but because Beomgyu knew he was at work, he avoided calling.
“Hi love,” Soobin answered the phone.
“I’m so sorry, I turned my back for one second and the next I noticed she was on the floor and I just panicked and I think I skipped at least three red lights as I drove to the hospital, she was crying so much and the doctors think I’m a terrible mother I can tell they’re all staring at me and-”
“Beomgyu, calm down,” there was so much information coming from the other side of the line Soobin didn’t even know where to begin, “What happened?”
“She fell and hit her nose,” Soobin finally noticed Beomgyu was crying cause his sobs were audible even over the phone, “we were sitting on the couch and I wanted to take a picture ‘cause she was acting so cute, but when I got up to get my phone she was just crying on the floor, I turned by back for less than a second Soobin, I promise.”
“Where are you?” Soobin asked, already looking for his keys and his coat, walking towards his boss’s room.
“We’re at the University Hospital,” Beomgyu said, “the doctors took her to get an X-Ray, they wouldn’t let me come with her.”
“All right, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”
He arrived in less than that. As he walked inside he found a very fragile Beomgyu in the waiting room. Soobin watched Beomgyu’s small body shaking, his shoulders moving every time another uncontrollable sob hit him.
“Hey, calm down, babe,” Soobin sat by his husband and hugged him, Beomgyu’s face on his chest, “did the doctors say anything?”
“They said her nose might be broken,” sob, “but I couldn’t stop crying while they were examining her,” another sob, “so they asked me to wait here until they were done with the scan,” and another, “I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad I promise I only looked away for a second, I didn’t even know she could do that.”
“Beomgyu,” Soobin held the other’s shoulders and propped him away from his chest, “look at me please,” Beomgyu tore his gaze from the floor and stared at Soobin with his red and puffy eyes, “of course I’m not mad at you, why would I be?”
“Because I’m a terrible mom and basically dropped our daughter on the floor?”
“You always take such good care of her, come on,” Soobin used his sleeve to clean some of the tears on the other’s face and noticed a small patch of blood on his shirt, “cut yourself some slack, this could’ve happen to anybody, okay?” Beomgyu nodded, his breath slowing down and the sobs turning into quiet sighs, “Let’s not worry until we have to.”
A few minutes later a nurse came by and showed them to the exam room they took the baby, and as if Beomgyu hadn’t already shed every single tear available in his body, he started crying again when he spotted her in the hospital’s crib.
“Hey Bunny,” Soobin watched as Beomgyu reached to have her in his arms again, holding her carefully as if she was made of glass.
“Hey, why don't you have a seat please?” The doctor asked and pointed to the chair in front of his desk, “I’m Doctor Huening, and I have good news! Her little nose isn’t broken. There is a lot of swelling but it should go down in a couple weeks, same as the bruise she got there. She might be a bit cranky because of the pain, so I will give you guys a prescription just in case okay?”
“Thank you so much doctor,” Soobin answered and got the prescription, “anything else?”
“She might have a fever over the next two days, if she does don't worry, it’s just too much stress for her,” the doctor said, getting up from his chair and walking the two away from the room, “she will be alright soon, no nose jobs for her.”
“Okay, thanks again. Have a good day.”
“You too,” he offered his hand for Soobin to shake it, “hope I don’t see you guys again so soon.”
“Me too,” is all Soobin said before he guides Beomgyu away to the parking lot.
The next few days after the little trip to the hospital are the same as before, except Beomgyu sticks next to little Bunny every single second, sometimes even watching her sleep – he’s so scared something might happen to her he can't even breathe. For Beomgyu, no words could describe the guilt and pain he felt knowing he was the cause of his daughter’s injury, even if Soobin kept repeating it wasn’t anybody’s fault, he just decided he would never make that mistake again.
So after that accident they were more careful, and instead of lying her on the bed or on the couch when they needed their hands free, just left her on the floor where she can roll over freely, no more scare calls. That was until she started crawling, so now not only they can’t let her on any high places but really she can’t be alone anywhere.
While cooking Beomgyu decided to leave her on the floor a few meters away from the stove, but only five seconds later and she was already on her way to the living room. Or when Soobin needed to change his clothes and sat her down by the closet, and when he went looking for her – for ten minutes – he only found her under the dinner table, entangled between the chairs.
It’s just a big, cute, loving mess. She is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. But she is more energetic, responsive and now her smiles have a few teeth! She’s also just recently started giggling when Soobin keeps acting like a clown around her. Beomgyu’s heart hurt when he realized how quickly she was growing.
“I feel like she might introduce a boyfriend to us at any minute now,” Beomgyu said while both he and Soobin watched her from the couch.
“Maybe she will bring a girl,” Soobin replied, staring at the kid playing on the floor, “but I think we have at least a decade until that happens.”
“I don’t think that's enough,” Beomgyu sulked, “my perfect Bunny, please promise you will never date.”
“Why do you call her that?” Soobin asked, “She is clearly a puppy person.”
“Oh my god, you're right,” Beomgyu laughed, “but she looks a lot like you, so she's a bunny.”
“Got all the good looks from dad, right babygirl?” Soobin said and started trying to get her attention with the toys.
She looked at Soobin, then looked at Beomgyu and back to her elephant plushie before she yelled, “Ba-ba!”
Beomgyu and Soobin widened their eyes and looked at each other the second they heard the two syllables come from the little girl’s lips.
“Oh my god are you trying to say Papa?” Soobin was smiling widely, a smug look on his face, “I know I’m your favorite, Pup.”
“She was saying Mama, come on,” Beomgyu argued, “this is clearly my win.”
None of them cared which one she meant.
Her first birthday wasn’t a big party like most parents do, they decided to just invite family and some friends over to spend the day together to eat some cake while they celebrated one year since their world changed. One year of barely sleeping, almost no free time and barely any sex, but the happiest year of their lives so far. They just wanted to celebrate their new reason to live with their extended family, and maybe next year they would throw a big party like she deserved.
After the first year, they could enroll her in daycare finally, except Beomgyu said he wanted to wait a bit more, now experiencing the separation anxiety Soobin had to face when she was only a few weeks old, but the two of them had grown so attached to each other Beomgyu couldn’t even spend a few hours without her, let along a whole day.
“This year passed so fast already,” he would argue, “I don’t want to miss a single thing!”
They settled on waiting a little more, mostly because Soobin loved receiving pictures of every single thing she did while he was at work, and this way he wouldn’t miss anything either. He also loved being greeted by his little girl when he came home from work.
Soobin was right when he asked if she would miss him, it turned out she did. Every single day, when it’s after her nap but before her bath she crawls to the front door and just sits there, patiently waiting until her dad opens the door. And every day Soobin is welcomed home with his favorite smile in the whole world.
Until one day he opened the door and she wasn't sitting in front of it like always, but Beomgyu was standing a few steps away from it, holding both her hands as she slowly took tiny unsteady steps towards Soobin, who barely stopped himself from hugging her so tight and ruining the whole moment.
“Hey Daddy! Look, I’m walking!” Beomgyu spoke in a soft voice he used when he wanted to sound like her.
“I can see that,” he replied.
Soobin kneeled in front of her and Beomgyu let go of her hands. She was able to get about three steps on her own before she lost balance, but she was already so close to Soobin she just crashed into his arms and he dedicated all his energy to kissing every spot on her face until her laugh was all they could hear.
“You are so cute,” he said, holding her tiny hand, “I’m so proud! She’s gonna be at the Olympics someday.”
They tried recreating the moment later so they could film it and send it to the rest of the family, but she was feeling shy and didn’t want to do it on tape. They eventually gave up and decided the family would have to settle on a picture of her sleeping peacefully. The couple went to bed, finding some privacy for the first time in a little while.
“You know,” Soobin began, “I don’t have work tomorrow.”
“Uhum,” Beomgyu replied, focusing on the video playing on his phone.
“Which means I can sleep in,” Soobin continued, realizing he didn’t have Beomgyu’s attention, “which also means, I can go to sleep late.”
Beomgyu finally averted his eyes from the screen in his hands, turning his gaze to the man lying next to him, and he finally understood where this was all going. He put the device away and climbed on top of Soobin, each of his legs on one side of his hips, his hands traveled over his chest and settled on Soobin’s neck.
“Maybe we should make another baby,” Beomgyu blurted out, face coming closer to Soobin.
“Please don't,” was all Soobin said before he pulled Beomgyu by the collar of his shirt and their lips met.
Maybe Beomgyu was right and they should make another baby, right here, right now.