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Hour 0- Seattle WA, April 29, 9:04am PDT
If Jay had to be stranded in any part of America, he was glad that part was his hometown that he had been refamiliarizing himself with the last few days. At least he sort of knew the layout, and there were a few people he could still vaguely remember the phone number of, thoroughly ingrained in his mind as a child and hidden away like sleeper agents until there was a need to recall them. And his English was still good enough that he could speak with locals and figure out a plan to make it to the concert a few states over.
So no, the problem was not where he was stranded, but rather who he was stranded with.
With a tendency to get intense motion sickness when it came to train travel, and all flights to Chicago being grounded the next two or so days due to a freak storm, Sunghoon’s brilliant idea was to buy the car off Jay’s cousin and drive to Chicago. A thirty hour trip one way, and only if they drove nonstop without a break, which wasn’t even physically possible, both because they would need to refuel and Sunghoon couldn’t stay awake for thirty hours straight.
So this is where the problem really took shape. Sunghoon could drive, but he couldn’t speak English, so he would have to rely on Jay to translate the directions. And Jay, who could speak English but couldn’t drive, would have to rely on Sunghoon actually following his directions instead of arguing with him every step of the way like he was prone to doing.
It would be a miracle if they arrived in one piece.
The plan was half baked at best and a pipe dream at worst- he wasn’t even sure how he had let himself be convinced by Sunghoon to do such a ridiculous, spontaneous road trip, or how it was the approved solution by the managers at all. Even more wild was the fact that his cousin, whom he hadn’t seen since she had visited his family in Korea several years ago, had actually agreed to sell him her car. It wasn’t a new car by any means- a 2013 Dodge Journey -but Sunghoon’s insane plan also included shipping the car back to her once they were done with it.
It was a crazy plan, and Jay wished desperately he had been more capable of stopping it. But Sunghoon somehow looked so excited at the prospect of this two day road trip that Jay couldn’t even put up a half decent argument. His apprehensions were useless in the face of Sunghoon’s unmasked joy.
He watched Seattle fade in the distance in the rearview mirror, straining in his seat until he couldn’t see it anymore. Then he turned around to watch it fully disappear out of view. He didn’t turn back to the front until he was sure he wouldn’t get another glance of it.
“We’ll be back,” Sunghoon told him after a moment. “It’s not like this is the last time you’ll see Seattle.”
Jay snorted. “Yeah, that’s what they told me last time, too.” He mumbled, crossing his arms and watching out the window.
It felt unfair that he got a taste of the cherry coke and clam chowder and salty air that he remembered being so closely tied to the feeling of home, before it was subsequently ripped away from him a few days later. He would miss it forever, he figured. A part of him would always live in Seattle, and mourn over the life he would never have.
Sunghoon stayed quiet. Jay appreciated the moment of silence.
Hour 1- Snoqualmie Pass WA, April 29, 10:12am PDT
It didn’t last.
“Just let me turn on some music, the radio at least.” Sunghoon whined. “It’s too quiet in here.”
“I need to be able to think,” He scowled. “It’s not easy translating the directions in real time like this, you know.”
“You speak English fine. Jake said your English is at its best when you’re not thinking about it, so just don’t think so hard. You need to relax.”
“No, you need to be less relaxed. You need to be anxious.” Jay protested. “This is serious Sunghoon, if we don’t make it to the show they’ll have to postpone it, and it’ll throw the whole tour off schedule.”
Sunghoon huffed, ignoring his concerns. “Hey! You know what relaxes you the most? Music,” He reached forward and turned on the station, stubbornly refusing to talk about the impending doom that would creep up on them if they couldn’t beat the thirty-hour clock.
Jay immediately reached over and shut it off. “I have to think hard because it’s difficult. And it’s not like my English is all that great, without getting to practise it I feel like I’m losing it anyway.”
“Your English is better than mine.” Sunghoon pointed out.
“It’s my first language, technically.” Jay reminded him, and Sunghoon huffed in annoyance.
“Do you want me to praise your English abilities or not? Because right now your proficiency in English is the only thing keeping us in the right direction. Otherwise we might accidentally drive to Canada.” Sunghoon shot him a look.
“Eyes on the road!” Jay yelped, pushing Sunghoon’s head lightly back to face the front. “If you don’t stop that, we might actually accidentally drive to Canada.”
“I’m sure the Canadian Engene’s would love a surprise visit.” Sunghoon muttered, but he dropped the music argument and his proposed Canadian detour, much to Jay’s relief.
Hour 4- Spokane WA, April 29, 1:41pm PDT
“Jay,” Sunghoon said after a moment, pulling Jay out of his own personal translating hell.
“What?” He blinked a few times and rubbed at his eyes, a very specific type of fatigue hitting him now that he wasn’t focused, like he didn’t even realise he was tired until he wasn’t constantly processing information.
“Am I crazy or did we just pass a sign that said Washington?” He asked, staring ahead.
Jay looked out the window curiously, looking for any kind of clue. It came in the form of a hardware store, promoting flower pots and soil. “Oh, we’re in Spokane. So yeah, still Washington.” He nodded and went back to his map.
“We’ve been driving for over four hours,” Sunghoon deadpanned.
“Yep,” Jay nodded in agreement, trying to get his eyes to refocus properly.
“We’ve been driving for over four hours and we’re still in Washington?” He repeated.
“I don’t know how many different ways I can tell you that yes, we’ve driven for over four hours and yes, we are still in Washington state.” Jay raised his eyebrow before really looking at Sunghoon, whose eyes were bouncing around wildly, like he genuinely couldn’t believe it. He softened a little- it must have felt like an odd concept for Sunghoon, and he could see him losing his cool a little more every second they were in the car. “Hey, you wanna stop and grab something to eat? There’s a diner near here that I used to go to with my uncle.”
“You’ve been here before?” Sunghoon asked, surprised.
“Sure, my dad was a big baseball fan, but somehow my uncle fell in love with hockey. We’d come out here for the minor league games sometimes.” He explained. “It should just be over there,” He pointed. “If it’s still here.” He added hesitantly.
Sure enough, luck was on their side, and Sunghoon pulled into the parking lot of a small family diner. They got out and Sunghoon made sure to lock the car before they headed inside.
They were greeted with the smell of fresh coffee and warm biscuits and bacon. Jay could feel his shoulders relax a touch at the familiar din of patrons chatting and laughing over their breakfasts.
“Hey sweetheart, how big's your party?” An older woman in a sky blue waitress uniform asked, already grabbing menus.
“Just two, please.” Jay nodded.
They followed the waitress into the diner. They passed a family that seemed to be celebrating a little boy's birthday with a stack of what Jay assumed to be pancakes underneath the copious amount of whip cream and strawberries, and an older couple quietly reading their own books while sharing a piece of pie. They arrived at a booth with vinyl seats and a vibrant yellow table. He thanked the waitress and slid in across from Sunghoon, who was looking at the menu set in front of him with uncertainty.
“Can I get you something to drink?” She asked them warmly.
Sunghoon looked at Jay, slightly alarmed at how fast the experience was going. Jay shot the waitress an easy smile in return. “Just two coffees, please. We’ll need a moment with the menu.”
“Of course sweetheart, I’ll be right back with those coffees.” She nodded and headed back towards the kitchen.
Jay looked over the menu curiously, only to feel a sharp kick under the table. “What was that for?” He asked, his head snapping to look up at Sunghoon.
“What am I supposed to order?” Sunghoon thrusted the menu at him. “I just want a normal, easy breakfast.”
Jay scanned the menu in Sunghoon’s hands, ignoring the one in his own for now. “Do you just want pancakes? I can order that with bacon if you'd like.” He offered.
“Okay,” Sunghoon nodded, pulling the menu back and watching out the window as Jay decided on his own breakfast.
Jay stole glances at the other member, who was less so watching out the window and more so zoned out in that general direction. He knew he was being a little unfair about the whole situation, Sunghoon was doing his best with what they had, and while Jay didn’t necessarily relish in the fact that he was relegated to nothing more than what Ni-ki would call a Passenger Princess, at least he knew where they were going. He could read all the signs and the directions and had a general sense of where they were. Sunghoon on the other hand was stuck hoping Jay knew how to read directions.
His heart ached a little for him.
“Sunghoon-ah, are you sure this is a good idea?” He asked hesitantly. “We could always turn around and take the train from Seattle if it’s too much.”
“The last time I took a train, it took me three days to recover.” Sunghoon shook his head. “I don’t want to risk having to miss the concert because of this.”
“Just… if you ever get tired, let me know. I’ll find us a spot you can pull over and rest, okay?” He told him, and Sunghoon nodded in agreement.
The waitress came back with their coffees and took their orders- the pancakes for Sunghoon and eggs benedict for Jay -before they lapsed into silence. Jay sent an update to the members group chat, who had similar reactions to Sunghoon upon realising that they were still in Washington. He assured them that they were right at the border and would cross into Idaho anytime now, that they were just stopped for food and fuel and would be back on the road shortly.
The food came quickly and went down even quicker. Jay hadn’t realised just how hungry he was until they started eating, and the diner food was a surprising comfort.
“We should pick up some snacks for the road,” Jay suggested. “Then we won’t have to stop again for long until we need to stop for the night.”
Sunghoon shrugged before nodding in agreement. They ate and paid quickly, taking a second cup of coffee each to go. Jay located a gas station not far from the diner, and let Sunghoon fuel up while he headed inside to grab snacks and pay for the gas. He grabbed a little bit of everything, unsure of what Sunghoon would be in the mood for considering their ‘international section’ was nothing more than a lone box of Pocky half hidden by a bag of saltwater taffy.
All together, the whole pitstop in Spokane took only an hour before they were back on the road.
Jay focused on translating, only breaking his concentration to smack Sunghoon’s sneaky hand away from the radio dial. He needed silence so he could keep focus on what he needed to do, which was to make sure they arrived in Chicago. It was Sunghoon’s job to ensure they did that in one piece.
An ache started forming in the back of his neck from where he was hunched over his phone and a notepad, and a pain threatened to start between his eyebrows from the pressure. He sighed and sat up straight, rolling his head back and forth to try to work the kink out of his neck. He caught sight of a large sign that had Sunghoon sighing with relief.
“That said something different, right? That means we’re out of Washington now?” He asked. “Id-something.”
“Yeah, we’re out of Washington,” Jay mumbled, watching the sign and the last remnants of his home state disappear in the rearview mirror the way he had with Seattle.
Sunghoon casted a glance at him and stayed silent. He put his relief aside that it felt like they were finally getting somewhere, and let Jay have his moment. Nothing was worse than a prolonged goodbye, and he understood that.
Hour 7- Somewhere Outside of Missoula MT, April 29, 6:33pm MDT
“That’s still so weird,” Sunghoon muttered.
“You’ve gone through time zones before,” Jay pointed out with a raised eyebrow. “In the states too.”
“Yeah, but we’re always flying when we do it, so it’s different. We don’t see the time change happen.” Sunghoon told him. “So we lost an hour of driving just by entering Montana?”
Jay nodded and furrowed his eyebrow. “Actually, that does change everything, because Chicago has another timezone too. We’re technically still an hour behind there.”
Sunghoon sat perfectly still for a moment before he shook his head. “Let’s just take it one time zone at a time, I don’t want to get stuck thinking about that.”
“Fine,” Jay sighed. “Just head Northeast for 2.5 miles, then you’re going to go Southeast for a while.”
Sunghoon exhaled sharply. “Okay, I’ve let you give me these weird directions because I thought you were still in panic mode but can you give me real directions now?”
“Those are real directions.” Jay said, dumbstruck.
“I have been pretending to know what a mile is and how much it is for the last seven hours. I just turn when you point,” Sunghoon confessed. “And what’s with this Northeast and Southeast stuff? It’s not like I have a compass on this thing.”
“Yes you do?” Jay gestured wildly to the radio screen, where a little NE was currently showing in the top left hand corner, which revealed which direction they were going. “It’s right there.”
“Can you please just give me normal, real directions with left and right and kilometre, not these weird, fake American ones?” Sunghoon whined in complaint.
“I’m giving you American directions because we’re in America.” Jay said incredulously. “All the signs are in miles.”
“Yeah, which makes sense for you, the American. But the reason you’re giving directions is because I can’t read them.” Sunghoon paused. “Well, and because you can’t drive, even in your old age.”
Jay stared at him, floored at the disrespect he was receiving. Here he was, feeding Sunghoon whenever he opened his mouth and leaned over without his eyes ever leaving the road, while also translating in real time, and the brat had nothing but complaints for him.
Sunghoon glanced at him and flashed a cheeky smile that had Jay groaning and slumping in his seat. He massaged his temples, trying to alleviate his second headache of the trip that had nothing to do with his constant focus on the small print. He was sure it wouldn’t be his last.
“You are so lucky you’re the only one who can drive, or I’d throw you out of the car.” He grumbled finally.
Sunghoon laughed, gripping the wheel carefully to make sure it didn’t accidentally jerk to the side in his humour. Jay tried not to stare too long because he was trying to be annoyed with the other member, but Sunghoon’s smile was always one that seemed infectious and threatened the corners of his lips. He took a deep breath and did some quick math.
“Turn right in 3.2 kilometres.” He said finally. “Is that better?”
“Thank you,” Sunghoon nodded, though his smile never faded.
Jay turned his head to watch the plains and mountains of Montana fly by so Sunghoon couldn’t see his own smile, because really, he never stood a chance. Despite his nerves that only grew with every mile they left behind, and his general anxiety surrounding the lack of actual plan they had, Sunghoon had an ease about him that always seemed to relax him. In such an odd situation in an unfamiliar state, having something as constant as Sunghoon’s ability to make any conversation with Jay an argument without ever having any sort of serious grievance they needed to work out was a relief.
Even though he had adjusted the directions, Jay still made sure to point for Sunghoon to turn.
Hour 11- Billings MT, April 29, 10:47pm MDT
“There’s a motel up here,” Jay stifled a yawn. “We should be able to get a room there.”
“Okay,” Sunghoon mumbled, trying to keep his eyes open as he pulled into the parking lot. The parking job left a lot to be desired, but neither of them were awake enough to care.
It was a brown building with exposed brick that made it look a little nicer than the other motels they had come across. It was the type of place without a lobby or amenities, instead, the building was lined with doors leading into what Jay hoped to be clean rooms. There was a little diner off to the side where they would be able to get breakfast before they hit the road again, which was a bonus.
They grabbed their bags from the trunk- the only luggage they had that didn’t end up on the plane without them -and headed inside to the small administrative area. Sunghoon was practically swaying on his feet, and opted to lean against Jay instead of supporting his own weight after tripping on the corner of a curled rug. Jay took the younger member’s suitcase from him, which left Sunghoon a free hand to hold onto him a little better.
“Hi, I was wondering if you have any rooms available?” He asked, paying no mind to the man practically asleep against him.
The guy couldn’t have been much older than them, and he eyed them a little confused before looking in the system.
“I only have one room ready for tonight, is that okay?” He asked, looking up at Jay.
“Yeah, we only need it for the night,” he nodded, handing over his credit card. “What time does that diner outside open?”
“6:00am. The food is pretty good too.” He said, getting the key card loaded and handed it over to Jay, along with his credit card. “Check out is 11:00am. You’ll be outside and up the stairs, three doors down in room 1120. If you have any questions, I’ll be here all night.”
“Thank you.” Jay shoved both in his pocket before picking up the suitcase. “You gotta walk with me a bit, okay? There’s some stairs.” He murmured to Sunghoon, switching back to Korean.
Sunghoon nodded and tried to be a little more helpful in moving towards the room, but only a little. Jay found their room quickly and got it open in record time. Only then did Sunghoon detach from him and flop forward onto the bed, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Finally, a bed.” He mumbled.
“Get changed,” Jay reminded him. “Don’t sleep in your outside clothes.”
Sunghoon groaned and rolled over onto his back. “I’m too tired.” He complained.
“Well pick a side then,” Jay grunted, opening his suitcase and grabbing his own pyjamas.
“No way, nu uh,” Sunghoon pointed in his general direction. “I’m not sharing with you.”
Jay scoffed. “I paid for it.”
“I drove.”
“I translated and navigated.”
“I. Drove.”
“I paid for your breakfast, your road snacks and your gas.”
“And. I. Drove.”
“Park Sunghoon,” Jay’s voice raised in frustration before he squeezed his eyes shut, another headache forming behind his eyes. He sighed and hung his head, peeling his shirt off as he tried to recollect himself. “Fine. I’ll take the couch.” He muttered.
Sunghoon was quiet for a moment. “We can share, it’s fine.” He said finally. “It’s not like you’re Jake, you don’t take up the whole bed.”
Jay looked at him, his frustration spiking. “But you just-!”
“I was joking around,” Sunghoon sat up, propping himself up with his elbows to watch Jay with a frown. “I didn’t expect you to take it so seriously.”
“I’m just… really tired, Sunghoon-ah. That’s all.” He sighed, pulling on his pyjama shirt and changing his bottoms before heading over to the other side. “My head hurts.”
Sunghoon got up and changed with a surprising speed for someone who was seconds away from falling asleep only a moment ago before settling back down on the bed. “Come here, I’ll give you a scalp massage,” he offered. “You do my shoulders all the time, it’ll help, I promise.”
Jay was too tired to argue. He set an alarm and plugged his phone in before slotting himself into Sunghoon’s arms. He relaxed the moment his fingers carded through his hair. Jay focused on his breathing, letting his own sync up as the stress of the day fell away.
“It’s been a long and hard day. We’re both tired. I shouldn’t have pushed it, I’m sorry.” Sunghoon mumbled.
“I know,” Jay mumbled back, and true to his promise, his headache retreated with every stroke of his hair. “I really do appreciate you driving, Hoon-ah, I hope you know that.”
“And I appreciate you navigating.” Sunghoon whispered. “I’m sorry for you, though. Without me, you could have taken the train.”
Jay shrugged and cuddled in closer to the warmth. “Maybe, yeah. But I would’ve been alone and that’s way less fun.”
“Are you even having fun?” Sunghoon teased him. “You’ve been stressed and tense this whole time.”
Jay weakly hit his back. “It’s less lonely,” He amended. “I’m sorry it hasn’t been very fun. I’m just so stressed about getting there on time, and I don’t want to send you in the wrong direction, so it’s just been a lot.”
“I think it’s been fun.” Sunghoon shrugged. “I like hanging out with you, this is just a really prolonged version of that.”
Jay chuckled before yawning. “Okay, get some rest. We have to leave early tomorrow.”
It was like with his permission, Sunghoon could finally drift off.
They stayed curled up like that the whole night.
Hour 16- Just Outside of Sturgis SD, April 30 12:00pm MDT
Jay might have overestimated Sunghoon’s ability to wake up before putting him on the road.
After a quick shower each using the hotel's amenities and an even quicker breakfast where he had assured Jay that he would be fine multiple times, Sunghoon looked about ready to fall asleep at the wheel.
“Do you need to stop?” Jay asked him. “I can find a shoulder to pull over on so you can take a nap. You’ve been driving for a few hours now.”
Sunghoon shook his head immediately. “If I take a nap now, it’ll be worse when I wake up. Let’s just get to the next place where we can actually stop. I’ll get out there and stretch my legs or something.”
Jay frowned at the answer but respected it nonetheless. He worked on getting his phone connected to the faulty bluetooth speaker. His comfort in translating meant nothing if Sunghoon was falling asleep behind the wheel.
Not to mention, something from their conversation last night had been bothering him for the last few hours. They had been driving for sixteen hours alone- that wasn’t including any breaks or refuels they had taken -and Jay had stayed resolute on not playing music, in case it caused a distraction. But it wasn’t very fun. And when Sunghoon had asked him if was having any fun, he had brushed it off. But unlike Jay who liked having a plan and sticking to it, Sunghoon was very go with the flow on tour, and often did things in the spur of the moment during their free time. So his ease in a sporadic, two day road trip didn’t surprise Jay, but he did allow it to stress him out even more than he already was.
Maybe Sunghoon’s approach was better in the long run. He knew the importance of getting to Chicago on time, but he wasn’t letting that stop him from enjoying the sights. More than once he had tried to get Jay to pay attention to the mountains or fields and Jay had pretty much ignored him every time. He was too busy throwing himself into his translating and mapping out a general route to escape the thoughts he was trying to leave back in Seattle.
He finally hit play on a random playlist he had pulled up, only for an electric guitar to blare through the speakers. Sunghoon jolted in his seat in surprise, and he shouted a long string of curses at Jay who scrambled to turn down the volume to something more appropriate. Sunghoon shot him a confused look, but at least he didn’t look bone-dead exhausted anymore.
“Jay, what-”
“Do you want a snack?” Jay asked, reaching to grab the bag from the back seat. “I have some pepperoni sticks that should be easy for you to eat while you’re driving.” He continued, digging through the plastic bag. “Or maybe we could turn into Sturgis, we could grab lunch and take it to go?”
“What are you-”
“Oh! A redbull!” He pulled it out. “Would that help? I know you’re not the biggest energy drink fan-”
“Jay,” Sunghoon said, a little louder as he reached over and turned the music down a little more. “What are you doing?”
Jay hesitated. “We’re on a long stretch right now. I have nothing I need to translate or anything. So I just wanted to… help?” He offered, a little unsure.
Sunghoon smiled softly and held his hand out. “I’ll take the redbull. Tell me how to get to Sturgis, we’ll find a drive through. I’m craving a burger.”
“Okay,” Jay cracked open the car for him and pulled his phone back out to figure out the best route. “Turn left up here,” he pointed.
Sunghoon hummed and turned, tapping along to Dionysus by BTS. “So what’s the change in heart about?” He asked. “Why can I suddenly have music?”
“I just remember what you were saying last night. You asked me if I was having fun.” He looked out the window, watching the world fly by. “I wasn’t. I didn’t want to.”
“And now?” Sunghoon prompted, splitting his attention between the road and Jay while he wasn’t looking.
“And now you’re falling asleep at the wheel, and I realised you would probably do that less if you were having a little more fun.” Jay cleared his throat before turning back to look at him. “And maybe I’d be less stressed if I tried having fun too.”
Sunghoon shot him that wild smile that always had Jay pinned under his thumb, and he couldn’t help but return it. It only lasted a moment, since Sunghoon had to turn his attention back to the road, but it left a lingering warmth in Jay’s chest.
“Now you’re talking,” He chuckled. “Alright, let’s find some burgers and get back on the road. We have a million more states to get through before we make it to Chicago.”
They were quick to find some take out, and after giving Sunghoon the directions that would keep them on a straight bit of road for a while, Jay split his efforts between playing DJ and feeding the driver his burger and fries.
“You know I could probably do this myself,” Sunghoon said through a bite of burger.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Jay scolded, reaching over to wipe away ketchup at the corner of his lips since his hands were otherwise occupied with the wheel. “And while you might be able to, it makes me feel better if you just let me do it.” He added, licking the astray ketchup off his thumb and taking a bite of his own burger.
Sunghoon kept glancing at him. “Alright, fine,” He sighed dramatically. “But I would like to request a song.”
“The DJ will take any song request into consideration.” Jay teased. “What’s the song?”
“What’s that song you sing at concerts again? When you do your own solo stage?” He asked.
Jay blinked at him, surprised. “You want to hear Say You Won’t Let Go? Really?”
Sunghoon nodded. “I want to hear you sing it.” He added. “I find singing in the car to be therapeutic, maybe you will too.”
Jay considered it for a moment before he shrugged and held the burger out to Sunghoon, who made brief eye contact with him before taking a bite and turning back to the road.
That odd warmth flooded his chest again, and Jay elected to ignore it. He instead adhered to Sunghoon’s song request, and sang along for good measure.
Hour 18- Outside of Presho SD, April 30 3:30pm CDT
“Oh, we lost another hour,” Sunghoon frowned at the clock and looked around. “Did we leave the state?”
“No, South Dakota’s just split in half by the time zone line.” Jay shrugged, foot tapping along to Crown by TomorrowXTogether as he got back to work translating. “It’ll be fine, we’re actually making really good time, all things considered.”
Jay at least looked a little more at ease. He had dug out his sunglasses, though they were pushed up and holding his hair back while he worked on the directions. Sunghoon was struggling a little bit, because if he spent too much time glancing at Jay, the older member would yell at him to keep his eyes on the road. But if Sunghoon kept all his attention on the road, that would mean missing Jay in his passenger seat, shirt unbuttoned three times to combat the surprisingly warm day, the sun kissing the exposed skin-
Sunghoon tried to push that thought out of his mind. Now was not the time for the silly little crush he had on Jay to rear its ugly head in his direction, years after he thought he had squashed it. Although, to be fair, it was never really the right time to bring it up, considering Sunghoon was pretty confident his feelings were unfounded and unreciprocated. And Jay was too nice about that sort of thing. If Sunghoon told him, Jay would have a hard time letting him down, and that would just cause more confusion for his heart. So he would rather continue to deflect his feelings and cover them with witty banter and sarcastic comments than ever let anyone see that piece of him.
And if he opted to rest his arm on the centre console in case there was a chance Jay did maybe have the tiniest bit of feelings for him, and maybe he was feeling a bit more brave than Sunghoon, he could reach out and hold his hand, that was between Sunghoon and the cupholders.
“Jay, check that out,” He said, and to his delight, Jay actually looked up this time.
It was a field of sunflowers, bright and tall, searching for the sun. It was a beautiful day out, and Sunghoon wished that they had more time to stop. Maybe Jay could break out his camera and take pictures of the field, or the brightly coloured buildings they passed if they had.
Although, he would venture to say that if they had more time, Jay would have asked to spend it in Seattle.
A welcoming distraction from the sudden inner turmoil he was facing, the question that had been nagging Sunghoon since the moment they found out their little predicament resurfaced. He found he couldn’t stop it from passing his lips this time.
“Hey, Jay-ah? How did you get left behind in Seattle anyway?”
That had been the wrong thing to ask.
He could see Jay tense out of the corner of his eye, and his humming ceased all together. He refocused on the map on his phone, yet brought the sunglasses down to hide his face.
“...Jay-ah?” He tried again, turning the radio down a little bit.
Jay sighed. “I snuck out early in the morning.” He mumbled. “Without staff, or anything. I forgot my phone, I thought I had time.”
“No, I knew that,” Sunghoon shook his head. “Where did you go?”
Jay stayed quiet for a long moment before he sighed. “There’s this little beach my parents used to take me to when I was young. It wasn’t too far from the hotel, so I wanted to go visit it before we left. I thought we had to leave at 8:00, not that our flight was at 8:00.”
“If you were going out, why didn’t you ask any of us to go with you?” He furrowed his eyebrow, and Jay just snorted in response. Sunghoon looked at him surprised. “What?”
Jay looked at him incredulously, a look Sunghoon was getting more and more familiar with as this road trip dragged on. “You’re kidding, right?”
“What? No, if you would’ve asked, any one of us would’ve gone with you.” Sunghoon frowned.
He glanced at Jay who was just staring at him like he couldn’t decide whether Sunghoon was messing with him or not. When he realised Sunghoon was serious, he huffed out a laugh and shook his head, looking back at his phone. “Take a right up here.” He said finally.
“Jay-ah,” Sunghoon said, taking the turn. “Why didn’t you ask?”
“Just drop it, Sunghoon.” He said sharply, turning up the music.
In an almost comical turn of events, it was Sunghoon reaching over and turning it back down. “No, tell me what’s wrong, and why you didn’t-“
“I did!” Jay nearly exploded before he took a deep breath and looked out the window. “I asked all of you the day we got there if anyone wanted to go sightseeing with me. Twice. No one answered. So I went by myself.”
Sunghoon had a vague memory of being pulled out of his post-flight nap by Sunoo and taken to a really good restaurant Jay remembered going to as a child the day they got to Tacoma. It was the type where they cooked right in front of you, and he remembered the joy on Jay’s face when he sipped the cherry coke. He also remembered someone recognising Jay, and how the older member greeted him happily and spoke to him in a wild, broken Konglish that usually stayed between Jay and Jake. He recalled that Jay had asked them to go sightseeing, but his interpretation of that was more of a tourist aspect, and less of the personal one Jay seemed to take it as.
“I didn’t know that’s what you meant by sightseeing,” Sunghoon said finally. “I thought you meant like, the gum wall and the really tall building-”
“I did go to the Space Needle,” Jay told him. “I filmed it for Engenes.”
“So how were we supposed to know the difference between the two types of sightseeing?” Sunghoon protested, though somewhere deep down he knew he should've known Jay's sentimental ass would consider revisiting his childhood as sightseeing. “ You don’t even usually like to go sightseeing.”
“It’s not about seeing the sights, it’s about seeing my home.” Jay wouldn’t look at him, which was almost worst because there was nothing Sunghoon could do about it while driving. “You’re my friends, my family. I was home for the first time in eight years and I had to do it alone. And I missed doing things like going into the city to the market because they didn’t have the staff to spare me going by myself. I didn’t want to miss the beach too.”
“I mean, we went to that restaurant, and Ni-ki and Heeseung hyung went to the game with you-”
“Which is great and I appreciate it but I’m talking about things like,” Jay struggled for a moment before sighing again. “I drove past my old house, my old elementary school, places my parents used to take me that I have nothing but good memories about and I had no one to tell.”
Sunghoon was quiet for a moment before he cleared his throat. “So tell me now.” He said.
“What?” Jay furrowed his eyebrows, but at least he was looking at him now so Sunghoon couldn’t complain.
“Tell me about it now. Seattle, what it was like to grow up there. Until recently, I haven’t really heard you talk about it very much.” He explained. “I think the most I ever heard you talk about when you lived in America was your episode of the Will and Ben Show.”
Jay sighed but looked back out the window. “It’s not the same now. We’re too far away.”
“And I’m sorry about that,” Sunghoon said honestly. “But tell me what to expect next time. I’ll go with you sightseeing all you want.” He promised.
Jay shook his head. “I can’t keep any of my thoughts straight right now.” He mumbled. “Maybe later.”
With that, he reached over and turned the music back up. Sunghoon let him.
Hour 21- Sioux Falls SD, April 30 6:30pm CDT
After three more excruciatingly awkward hours of relative silence, Jay was in a gas station paying for the fuel that would hopefully get them to at least Rochester. He was just hoping to get through this trip without losing his mind.
When he got back out to the car with a fresh supply of snacks, Sunghoon was zoned out in the driver's seat.
“Hey, wake up,” he set two more energy drinks in the cup holders. “We have to get going.”
“Sorry,” Sunghoon mumbled and rubbed his eyes. “It’s just been a lot to drive this much.”
“Is it really that hard?” Jay asked, though it wasn’t a cruel question as much as it was a genuinely curious one. “You make it look easy.”
Sunghoon shot him a grateful smile and opened the energy drink. “Thanks. It just takes a lot of concentration.” He paused. “I could show you, if you want.”
“What?” Jay blinked in surprise.
“I got the highest level of licence in Korea so I could teach my sister how to drive, I don’t see why I can’t teach you.” He offered. “It’s getting late, I’m sure there’s a parking lot somewhere we could try in.”
Jay stared at him. “You’re serious?”
Sunghoon nodded. “You’re a fast learner, I don’t think it would be too hard. Think we can spare half an hour?”
And that is how Jay ended up behind the wheel of the car in a Wendy’s parking lot in a tourist town, South Dakota.
“This is a bad idea.” Jay told him as Sunghoon got in the passenger's seat.
“Maybe.” Sunghoon shrugged. “But probably not.”
“What happens if I crash the car?” Jay retorted. “Our only hopes of making it to Chicago on time? Gone?”
“Just don’t crash it,” Sunghoon said, as if it’s that simple. “Now step on the break and press the start button.”
Jay did as he was told before gripping the wheel. There was a beat of silence where he didn’t move, and Sunghoon looked over to see him frozen in place.
“Okay, now step off the break.” Sunghoon said slowly.
“Yeah, of course.” Jay nodded, but he didn’t move a muscle.
Sunghoon’s gaze flickered down to his legs and back up at his face. “Jay-ah,” he said softly. “You can step off the break. It’s okay.”
“This is a bad idea.” Jay repeated, reaching for the button to turn the car back off.
Sunghoon intercepted him halfway, grabbing his hand. Jay’s eyes snapped over to look at Sunghoon. The younger member squeezed his hand gently, watching him carefully. “Hey, it’s okay to not do it if you’re scared.” He said quietly. “But don’t decide you’ve failed before you even start.”
Jay took a deep breath and nodded once, lacing their fingers together to squeeze back. “Alright. Tell me what to do.”
“Take your foot off the break.” Sunghoon repeated, only untangling their hands once it became necessary. “Then shift the car into drive.”
They spent only half an hour in the parking lot before Jay insisted that they really needed to hit the road.
“You did well,” Sunghoon told him with a grin, getting back into the driver's seat. “You should let me help you in Korea, maybe you can be the second member to get their licence.”
Jay chuckled as he buckled up. “Yeah, sure. Okay,” He leaned back against the seat. “Thanks, Sunghoon. I appreciate the lesson.”
“Any time.” He said honestly, before shooting him another smile. “Alright, let’s get this show on the road.”
“You're ridiculous,” Jay said, but there was fondness in his voice.
“Maybe,” Sunghoon nodded before heading off, out of town.
Hour 25- Rochester MN, April 30 11:30pm CDT
“We can leave early and get to Chicago before noon,” Jay huffed as he collapsed on the bed.
Sunghoon collapsed beside him and yawned. “Then soundcheck, then concert, then live, then nap.” He listed off.
“Might skip the live,” Jay pointed out, turning over to curl around Sunghoon almost automatically.
Sunghoon laughed and reached up just as instinctively, carding a hand through his hair. “Never beating the cat allegations, are you, Jongseong-ah?” He teased him.
Jay relaxed at the sensation. “If you tell anyone, I’ll kill you.” He mumbled.
Sunghoon hummed and kept up the motions, staring at the ceiling.
They stayed like that for so long, Jay had hoped to fall asleep. But something was nagging at him in the back of his mind, and frankly, had been since Seattle. He had spent so much time trying not to talk about how he was feeling about the whole thing, he had forgotten to ask about it. Guilt festered in his chest as he remembered how he had snapped at Sunghoon who had offered nothing but solutions to their problems. He sighed and pulled away, sitting up.
“It’s going to bother me until I ask.” He said bluntly, turning back to Sunghoon.
The younger member stayed where he was, one hand tucked under his head to prop him up enough to look at him, the other that had been running through Jay’s hair now ghosted over his arm back and forth, causing goosebumps to litter his skin. His eyelids were hooded with exhaustion, but his eyes were still somehow bright with attention, eyebrows raised to show he was listening. The words got lost somewhere between his brain and his mouth as Jay struggled with just how good Sunghoon looked.
Another thing he had been ignoring for the last two days. Sunghoon was incredibly attractive, even more so in the driver’s seat, looking perfectly at ease as they cruised down the highway. And despite how annoying he was on a regular basis, Jay understood that it was just his way of teasing him, of showing he cared. He hadn’t been lying when he said he preferred this to taking the train alone.
He would pick Sunghoon every time.
“Jay-ah?” Sunghoon interrupted his thoughts, and Jay was mildly horrified to realise he hadn’t actually heard Sunghoon call him, he had just been staring at his lips so intensely that he could see it.
He cleared his throat and looked away quickly, hoping his blush wasn’t visible in the dark of the room. “You asked me, and I never returned the favour,” He said, playing with a loose string on the bottom of his athletic shorts. “Why did you get left behind in Seattle?”
Sunghoon hummed again and turned his gaze back to the ceiling like he was trying to decide how to answer the question. Jay waited anxiously, studying him as his eyes fully adjusted to the dark. He took a deep breath before looking back at Jay.
“I went looking for you.” He said finally. “You weren’t answering your phone, no one knew where you were. So me, Heeseung hyung and Ni-ki went out in different directions to try and find you before Jungwon and Sunoo told the managers you were missing. Hyung and Ni-ki made it back in time, but I wanted to keep looking.”
“So it’s my fault?” Jay asked in a small voice.
“No,” Sunghoon said immediately, opening his eyes fully. “I could have gone with them to the airport. I chose to stay.”
“Why?” Jay frowned.
Sunghoon studied him curiously, still in the same infuriatingly attractive position. “Because you’re my best friend.” He offered. “Because you went missing and I was scared about where you went. Because I thought when I found you that you shouldn’t be alone.”
Jay thought about the moment Sunghoon had found him. He had been walking back from the little beach, lost in thought and so incredibly alone without his parents here to experience this with him. He remembered being relieved when Sunghoon ran to him, he remembered a weight lifting off his shoulders that he hadn’t told anyone had been there when he hugged him tightly. Sunghoon had been a little ray of sunshine on his cloudiest day, and a constant during the insane journey they had to embark on.
“How did you know that you were going to find me?” Jay snarked instead, finding purchase on sarcasm where his thankfulness failed.
“I’ll always find you.” Sunghoon murmured, and there was so much pure, unadulterated fondness in his tone that the rest of Jay’s comebacks died on his tongue. “I’d like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at it over the years. We’re a team, remember? A unit. That’s how we got through I-land, it’s how we’re getting through this trip. It’s just who we are.”
“My one and only unit.” Jay breathed out, and Sunghoon nodded in agreement, sitting up.
“I’m sorry I didn’t go sightseeing with you in Seattle,” He whispered. “I should have.”
“It’s okay,” Jay found it difficult to keep his focus on what Sunghoon was actually saying, because he kept inching closer, his own gaze continuously dropping down like he couldn’t stop himself. “I’m sorry you got left behind in Seattle.”
“I’m not,” Sunghoon mumbled before closing the distance, capturing his lips in a chaste kiss.
At least it would have been, had Jay not chased after him as he pulled away. Sunghoon reached up and cradled his face gently, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened until Jay was practically in his lap.
This is not where Jay had expected this night to go, though he wasn’t opposed to the turn of events, especially if it meant Sunghoon would keep kissing him. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever expect to be in his arms like this.
Heeseung used to tease him when they were trainees, because whenever he trained with Sunghoon, he couldn’t help but stare at him. He was- is -so pretty, it became a distraction that he welcomed often. Then he got to speak with him, got to know him, and he found out he was kind and sarcastic and funny and thoughtful and dedicated and insanely talented. He was still skating at the time, and Jay had dragged Heeseung out to the local competitions to support him when they could. Jay might have fallen for the way he moved on the ice, and how that translated into his dancing, just a little bit.
And then they got paired up for I-land, which turned out to be the best decision anyone could have made. They synced up effortlessly, and Jay stood by their entry performance to this day. He had decided then that he would debut with Sunghoon. While he had never outright told Sunghoon his desire to stay together, when that dream got threatened- first when he got sent to Ground, then when he landed in the bottom position where he could have been eliminated -Sunghoon was always there, quietly supporting him. He would sit with him, made sure he ate and wouldn’t have to clean up after dinner alone. He didn’t have to say it, his actions were loud enough that Jay understood he wanted to debut with him too.
There was always some part of Jay that wanted to be physically close to Sunghoon. Whenever they sat near each other during interviews or lives or filming, they inevitably drew together like magnets. Even if they bickered often, it was always teasing, a joke that never actually-
“Hey,” Sunghoon murmured against his jaw as his lips trailed down, interrupting his train of thoughts. “Stop thinking of other things while I’m kissing you.”
“I’m not thinking of other things, I’m thinking about you.” Jay shot back, but there was no heat in his words as he tilted his head back to give him more access.
Sunghoon snorted lightly. “I’m right here,” he mumbled, pulling away enough to realign Jay’s face with his. “I must not be doing it right if you’re still thinking at all.”
“Sunghoon-ah,” Jay started, only for his next words to be silenced by Sunghoon’s lips on his own.
It was like he had something to prove. He deepened the kiss and pulled Jay closer, slipping his hands under his shirt as he traced the muscles down his back. It was slow and drawn out as Sunghoon flipped them carefully so Jay was pinned beneath him.
His resolve worked. Jay couldn’t focus on anything except how good Sunghoon’s warmth felt under his fingertips, or the way Sunghoon’s lips slotted against his so perfectly, or how his hands felt on his chest. They kissed for what felt like hours, perfectly content to make up for all the years they stopped themselves from doing this very thing out of fear the other didn’t return their feelings.
Jay only pulled away when he couldn’t help the yawn that ripped from his throat. Sunghoon laughed and pressed a few kisses to his neck.
“Sleepy?” He teased him. “We should probably go to bed, then.”
“We’re in a bed,” Jay protested, bringing Sunghoon in for another kiss, which just made Sunghoon laugh more.
“Then we should go to sleep. We have a very long day tomorrow.” He reminded him, getting off of him carefully and collapsing beside him.
Jay sighed and turned towards him. “Is this a bad idea?” He mumbled, a little too late but the sentiment stayed the same.
“Maybe,” Sunghoon murmured back. “But probably not."
He thought about how Sunghoon had said the same thing about giving Jay a driving lesson. He also said Jay shouldn't decide he's failed before he even tried. He pulled him in for another soft kiss, which Sunghoon returned without a moment of hesitation.
"I'd like to try." He whispered.
Sunghoon grinned and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Okay." He agreed softly. "We'll try."
They fell asleep not long after, wrapped around each other comfortably.
Hour 30- Chicago IL, 11:48am CDT
Jay almost couldn’t believe it when they pulled into the venue parking lot.
They had gotten up at an ungodly hour, and Sunghoon had coaxed him awake with soft kisses and reminders that the sooner they could leave the sooner they could get to Chicago. It was sort of cheesy that Sunghoon had insisted on holding his hand the whole drive to their final destination, but when he went to pull it away, Jay made sure to hold on.
They could see the vans the staff usually rented to take them to and from the hotel, which meant the members were already there. They spent over thirty hours in this car, and yet now that it was over, he couldn’t bring himself to get out.
“C’mon,” Sunghoon said after a moment. “The faster we get through mic check, the faster we can take a nap.” He pointed out.
“I do like naps,” Jay nodded in agreement. “Alright, yeah, okay.” He sighed and got out of the car.
Sunghoon came around and took his hand again as they headed into the arena. Five hours in the car and they still hadn’t really talked about it in any sort of substantial way, but Jay didn’t mind. He was just enjoying the feeling of Sunghoon’s fingers slotted between his own.
They headed in the front door with very little other options. The staff saw them first and greeted them happily.
Very quickly they were surrounded by staff, checking in with them, going over details, asking if they were okay. Annoyance spiked in Jay’s chest- they’re the ones that left them behind in the first place, and now they’re concerned about their well being?
He pulled Sunghoon out of the throng of people and instead followed the signs to the back to where their green room was. When they opened the door, Jungwon was on them almost immediately, hugging them excitedly and talking a mile a minute about everything they had missed. Jay nodded along as Jungwon spoke and dragged him further into the green room, and further away from Sunghoon, who had Jake to keep him entertained.
And then it was business as usual. They did their mic checks and got familiar with the stage before putting their soundcheck outfits on and waiting for the moment the staff came to collect them. Jay sat on the couch, scrolling on his phone when Sunghoon collapsed beside him, resting his head on his shoulder and falling asleep almost immediately. Jay yawned in return and settled down, resting his own head against Sunghoon’s. He brought his arm up and around Sunghoon’s shoulders to be more comfortable, drifting off during the time between events.
“What’s with them?” Ni-ki asked, looking over surprised. “They’ve barely spoken since they got back.”
“It was a long drive,” Sunoo shrugged. “I doubt they’re up for much of anything.”
Heeseung glanced over curiously. “Maybe they finally did something about their feelings,” He suggested, to which Sunoo merely snorted.
“Please hyung, as if we would be lucky enough for them to finally get over themselves.” He rolled his eyes. “Jay hyung and Sunghoon hyung have been dancing around each other for years, I don’t think one road trip is going to solve that. They’re both too stubborn.”
“Do they think we can’t hear them?” Jay murmured to Sunghoon.
“Let them have their theories,” Sunghoon mumbled back, curling in closer. “It’ll make the reveal that much more fun.”
Jay chuckled and relaxed properly for the first time since he left Seattle.
He was sure there would always be a part of him that would live in Seattle. But he was comfortable where he was too, in some green room seven states and three time zones over with Sunghoon in his arms.