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“Hrgg….” Phillip had been turning around in bed all night long, trying to set himself into a comfortable position on the mattress so he could actually get some shuteye. He had been sharing a bed with his boyfriend, the legendary P.T Barnum, for a few months now, and usually Phillip was the first of the two to drop like a board and close his eyes. In fact, Phillip was usually the sleepier of the pair in general, falling asleep at his desk often while working all-nighters and fueling his body with an appetite for the dark caffeinated liquid that operated his body.
And yet, tonight was an oddity. Phillip’s day had gone surprisingly well with no major mishaps with the circus to set them back. Everyone had been on their A-game with the choreography, all the animals were well-behaved, and their performance had gone as smoothly as it had always done. Even the paperwork seemed to be manageable, and yet, the Carlyle boy couldn’t shake the feeling that something had gone under the radar. It always did for the Carlyle, and Phillip had gotten used to the reality that he had to do everything to keep up, to make sure everyone else was having a good time and doing their best.
Even at parties and celebrations where Phillip was supposed to be the one having fun and unwinding, it usually ended up devolving into him constantly asking if everyone else was having fun or if anyone needed something, and offering his help in any way he could, including setting up for his OWN birthday party.
So naturally, Phillip was often seen napping on his desk, something that Phineas knew was horrible for his posture and constantly reminded him he at least had a couch and some spare blankets in the corner of their shared office. And yet, Phillip was someone who slept anywhere they could, or at least that’s what Phillip would say. The truth was that Phillip mainly slept in three key positions outside of the office: on Barnum’s shoulder, in Barnum’s bed, or with Barnum. It was a well-documented joke that permeated the work culture around the two co-owners of the circus that Phillip, as tired as he was, would only sleep at either his desk or wherever Phineas was.
But tonight, reality had flipped the entire situation around, and Phillip was the one who was staying awake all night long. Barnum was well asleep, and Phillip tried his best not to disrupt his boyfriend, but it seemed like whenever Phillip was finally about to fall asleep, his body told him otherwise.
This side of the pillow is too warm. My back hurts. It’s too warm with the blanket. It’s too cold without the blanket. I can’t breathe in this position.
“‘Flip, will you stop moving around in the bed and finally go to sleep?” Phineas asked almost irritated but also concerned after a few hours of this nonsense, his REM consistently disrupted by his boyfriend’s antics. “You’re not usually like this.”
“Can’t,” whined Phillip as he sat up on the bed, pulling off the covers as he rubbed his eyes, trying to tire them out in the hopes it would finally signal to the rest of his body that the right time to sleep was now, disregarding its evolutionary instincts to pump adrenaline into his veins to keep him awake.
“Is there something wrong?” P.T Barnum asked, turning the light on so that the circusman could see his boyfriend’s face for the first time since the sun stopped emitting its light into the Earth. “Anything that’s on your mind?”
“I just can’t sleep,” was all Phillip answered with, a vague answer at best as Phillip finally let himself drop back into the bed, spreading his arms and legs out as far as they were given space to go given the presence of an older gentleman. Attempting to better distribute the heat of his body into a more comfortable state, he attempted to close his eyes right there and then, only to open them and be met with fully functional brain activity.
“Phillip,” P.T Barnum called out to his beloved as he finally shifted himself to sit next to the love of his life, reluctantly pulling himself under the covers and laying on his side to come face to face with the man’s facial features. Phineas himself had adopted a calmer and understanding demeanor in the meantime, trying to drive some sort of explanation out of Phillip. “Please tell me what’s going on. Do you need to talk about something with me?”
“I-I,” Phillip breathed as he stuttered, directing his gaze away from his boyfriend then back again at the beauty of his caricature as he quickly explained just how he had gotten into this situation. “I just can’t fall asleep when I know that something has to have gone wrong or behind my back.”
“Hm?”
“I’m supposed to be there for everyone, I’m supposed to be the person who helps everyone out. I can never take a break if I’m supposed to keep everything in order. I can’t sleep tonight because I must have let something happen without my knowledge.”
“Oh, Phillip,” Phineas responded with an expression of sympathy and understanding, bringing the man closer as he held him in his arms, arms that Phillip would describe as well-built and muscular. As soon as Phillip tried to escape his boyfriend, Phineas simply held him tighter like one of those Chinese finger traps, leaving Phillip to only blush and release a weight’s worth of pressure on his chest from one outward breath.
“What?”
“You do know it’s called co-owners for a reason, right?” Phillip sighed as he tried to object, only to be shushed as his boyfriend explained just how impractical his line of reasoning, as real as it was to him, was in reality.
“We are co-owners Phillip. You know that co means cooperation right? I thought you took English classes when you were still with your parents.”
“Way to turn my higher class of upbringing against me.”
“The point is, if you can’t do something, you know you always have me to turn to, to rely on, remember? Remember when you managed the circus all by yourself when I was out sick?”
Phillip did remember that incident quite well. Phineas insisted he would be fine walking out in the cold with nothing less than a hat and a scarf, despite his coworker’s objections. Standing out in a city filled with residents wearing overcoats and winter attire, Phillip came back from managing their finances to a shivering chatterbox that insisted that everything would be fine and that the legendary P.T Barnum was in fact, not sick, and that in fact, he would not spread the cold to his audience members or his entourage.
“I’m not going to spread it to the audience, Phillip!” Phineas whined as Phillip grabbed his hand and tried to coerce him up the flight of stairs that led into their office.
“What if you spread it to Charles, or Anne, or W.D?” Phillip responded with genuine concern and a little bit of amusement in his voice, the overly confident intonation in his partner’s voice being knocked down a few notches with regret.
“They’re strong, they can handle it!”
“Phineas Taylor Barnum, I will carry you up these steps if you do not walk up them yourself.”
“LET ME GO!” Phineas nearly screamed as Phillip wrapped his arms around the founder of the circus and used all of his effort and muscle to, one by one, meticulously carry the man up each succeeding step. The entire circus watched in amusement at the sight of a 50-year-old elder throwing a temper tantrum while his 35-year-old friend dragged him up the stairs.
“I’M NOT SICK!”
Phillip snorted at the memory, resulting in a few laughs between the two of them. It was one of Phillip’s core memories of their relationship, remembering the time he had to carry a screaming P.T Barnum throwing a temper tantrum when things weren’t going his way.
“The point is that you do not need to feel like you have to do everything yourself, Phillip.” Barnum’s words of encouragement kicked Phillip out of his thoughts and back into reality, staring at the other man dreaming with his eyes open. “If you feel like you need to take a step back, I am still leading the show. I can still open shows for you if you need me to.”
“T-that,” Phillip started his response with. “That does make me feel a little bit better.”
“It better. Now, can you finally sleep so I can get some shuteye?” Phineas warned as he yawned a little bit, hoping to keep his eyes open as difficult as it was so Phillip could also finally start dreaming with his eyes closed for once. But as much as Phillip found his body a little bit more prepared to enter sleep again, especially considering he was being held hostage by a fireplace posing as a man, it was still very difficult for the younger man to finally fall asleep.
“Still can’t,” Phillip responded in embarrassment to a sighing Phineas Taylor. He sighed in resentment before coming up with an idea that would certainly comfort Phillip and send him back into the peaceful state of drowsiness that so characterized his presence in their relationship.
He began to rub his boyfriend’s back, comforting him with scratches and tickles as he ruffled his hair, singing one of the songs the two often performed as part of the circus’s choreography as a lullaby.
“Right here, right now, I put the offer out,” Phineas whispered as he sang a slower and calmer rendition of the partners’ favorite songs they had written, a song inspired by the first time they met that fateful day in that fateful bar.
“I don't wanna chase you down but I know you see it,” Phillip whispered in response as he sighed and smiled lightly, remembering the lyrics to their song as he closed his eyes again, hoping that his boyfriend’s voice would be the key to unlocking his way back into sleep again.
You run with me and I can cut you free
Out of the drudgery and walls you keep in
So trade that typical for somethin' colorful
And if it's crazy, live a little crazy
Phillip finally began to stir slightly, his movements becoming more controlled and rarer as he was finally entering sleep. Phineas continued, as tired as he was and as drowsy as his eyes were, hopefully ensuring that Phillip would finally go to sleep.
You can play it sensible, a king of conventional
Or you can risk it all and see
Don’t you wanna get away
From the same old part you gotta play?
Cause I got what you need so come with me and take the ride
“It’ll take you to the other side,” Phineas ended with as Phillip had finally fallen asleep, after hours of restless turning and disruptive movement that had characterized the night. Phineas himself followed suit, turning off the light as he let the pair of eyes that gave him his sight finally come to rest along the rest of his body.
“Good night, ‘Flip,” he said as he gave a light kiss to his boyfriend’s chin, wrapping himself around his boyfriend’s embrace.