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After coming back to UA, Izuku would have hoped to feel a sense of relief or even security. But in actuality, he felt fear. Even with his friends’ reassuring words, even with the reminders of UA’s indestructible barrier, Izuku continued to be plagued by the overwhelming fear and worries of what could and might happen.
For the past few days at school, he couldn’t stop ruminating. But when he brought up his worries to his classmates, it was always the same.
“Don’t worry, Midoriya. Nobody can break through these walls.”
“We are safe here. There’s no need to worry.”
“It’s okay to rest, Deku! He won’t be able to get you from here!”
He tried to take his friends’ words into consideration, but it was harder than he expected.
Because of All for One’s words…his threats. They constantly repeated in Izuku’s mind. But it was worse when he slept — his dreams, they were horrific. They were always the same, always showing him the consequences of everything that he had done:
His friends, dead before him, the heroes desperately pleading for help, and worst of all, the words from All Might telling him that he was unworthy of such a power, telling him that he had done nothing but cause this destruction he saw before him.
It was an endless cycle that he could not escape, try as he might. More days than not, he would wake up in a pool of his own sweat, breathing heavily. He would try to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t. The memory of what he saw, even if it was not real, haunted his mind. Instead, he would sit in the darkness of his room, cuddling one of his All Might plushies, whimpering, wishing for the agony to end.
He was concerned, scared, absolutely terrified that his agreement to come back to UA would do more harm than good. But he tried not to show his internal struggles; instead, he kept them hidden (or as hidden as they could be). They had an upcoming war to worry about, and wallowing in his own sadness wouldn’t benefit him or his classmates. It would be a distraction at a time when he couldn’t afford to have them worrying about him.
So, it was best that Midoriya remained positive, or at least tried to. Present a facade of himself. And well, that was what he was going to do. As a new day emerged, he promised himself that he would keep this to himself, that he would not let anyone know about his worries or his internal battles.
He’s fine.
He’s okay.
That’s all they needed to know, and that’s all they would know if he put in the bare minimum effort to hide the fact that he’d been on edge all day for no apparent reason other than his own stupid anxiety and chronic tendency to overthink everything.
All he had to do was let off some steam when he finally got some alone time, release some pressure from the pot so it didn’t boil over. No problem at all.
That was the thought running through his head after dinner as his classmates raced to the common area, pulling out the usual board games. Kaminari hesitantly approached and asked him to join, but the moment Izuku took one look at the blond’s expectant face, his mind was already made up — he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through a single moment more of social interaction if he wanted to make it through the day.
“Sorry, Kaminari,” he apologized, forcing himself to not fixate on the blond’s expression of slight disappointment. Turning on his heel, he practically ran down the hallway, pretending to be heading for the elevators. But when he arrived, he took a quick look back to make sure nobody had seen him before pulling open the side door and slipping out into the crisp night air.
It was pleasantly chilly outside, and before all of this, Izuku would’ve loved to lie down and admire the peaceful stars. Yet now there was a restlessness humming under his skin, a kind of energy that had been building up, a need to feel the blood racing through his veins.
He took a left. Then a right. Straight for 200 steps, then another left. The path to Gym Gamma was almost second nature to him, although never before had he gone there at this hour.
There’s a first time for everything. Never before have you been this rebellious, either. Never before have you felt this unsettled within UA grounds. Never before have you really needed to hide something like this.
Never before have you needed to fight such dangerous demons that only existed in your mind.
Izuku silently walked the back of Gym Gamma, making sure his steps were quiet so as to not alarm any prying eyes. He knew that at this hour the building would be closed, but he knew of an entrance, one that was conveniently placed in the camera’s blind spot. Also, if he was quiet, he wouldn’t alert the surveillance robots roaming the campus. So, he should be fine.
Izuku clasped the doorknob and turned. Then, with one heavy sigh, he entered. His heart thumped, not from the dread and anxiety continuously roaming his mind but from the thought of doing something that went against his own morals. But he had to…he needed to stop this. He needed to release all this energy that just wouldn’t stop.
He scanned the gigantic gymnasium. The lights were off, the only thing illuminating the dark place was the strong glow of the full moon. But this was fine. The darkness was a comfort; it shielded his tears, which threatened to spill uncontrollably.
Without a moment to waste, Izuku powered up Full Cowling, letting the green electricity course through his body in a frenzied fashion. The place glowed in green, but it was bright, brighter than usual. This was a sign. He needed to let it out…he needed to let it all out.
Izuku ran, he ran the perimeter of the gym, faster and faster every lap. He kept going even when his lungs burned, even when his limbs yelled at him to stop. He needed to feel something other than the overwhelming panic and fear that had been haunting him non-stop. But, it wasn’t enough. Memories continued to flash.
Voices began to speak.
You’re not strong enough.
“Stop it…” He gritted between breaths.
They are hurt because of you.
“No…”
They will die because they know you…because you decided to come back.
“That’s not true!” He belted.
Izuku halted his frantic sprint, chest heaving with each panicked breath, his eyes wide with dread.
“That…it isn’t true…it isn’t…”
But the voices…the images, they wouldn’t stop. They were each so vivid and real in his mind, it was as if he were there, relieving those events. But they were worse, these were so much worse.
On shaky legs, he made his way to the edge of the gym, where he had dropped his things on his way in.
Just make it stop… please… I just want it to stop… I can’t take this anymore…
But that’s how you failed to save more people, right? You were too weak? You couldn’t take it, so you stopped, and the villains didn’t?
He released a guttural yell, then dropped to his knees, drawing in ragged breath after ragged breath. It felt like the world rested on his shoulders, and finally, his strength was giving way. It felt like everything was falling apart, collapsing, crumbling to rubble and ashes all around him as if Shigaraki had won.
Suddenly, Danger Sense pinged in his mind, having detected a presence a few feet away, and Izuku saw white.
He lashed out in that direction, pent-up tendrils of Blackwhip exploding from his limbs and snagging onto something. A threat, a threat, a threat, chanted his animalistic instincts. Keep it away. Make it go away.
Distantly, he heard his name being called. It sounded oddly familiar, almost calming, yet overcome with rage and fear he couldn’t place where he’d heard the voice before. Izuku registered some resistance to his quirk and responded with even more power, even more energy—
But something was wrong. Why was he fighting? Who was he fighting?
A voice cut through his haze, yanking him out of the depths of his mind.
“Izuku!!”
And- oh.
All at once, Blackwhip and One For All retreated back into his body as if they had never existed, and Izuku collapsed onto the ground in a heap, chest, and shoulders heaving as his body was racked with uncontrollable sobs.
“Shouto?” he whispered, horrified, the weight of what he had just done hitting him at full force.
Not only did you let all those civilians get hurt, but you hurt one of your best friends intentionally —
“Why didn’t- how could I-”
“Izuku? Izuku, it’s me, Shouto.”
Now that they were no longer fighting and Izuku’s mind had cleared somewhat, he could hear his friend's slow, purposeful footsteps drawing closer.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here to help.”
He’s here. He’s here for me. He came here to help me because he knew I needed help.
For just one day, I… I don’t have to be the one to say ‘I am here,’ it seems.
“Shouto,” Izuku choked out, his voice raw. “What did I do to you? Are you okay?”
“Don’t worry about me,” Shouto replied softly. “You didn’t really hurt me. I should be asking that to you.”
“I’m fine now,” Izuku answered, his voice growing steadier now. He tried to rise to his feet, but when his legs wobbled, he sat back down with a thud .
Closing the remaining distance in three large strides, Shouto lowered himself to the ground, plopping right in front of Izuku. “You obviously weren’t a moment ago,” he stated bluntly. “You can talk to me, you know. I’m here to listen.”
Izuku let out a halfhearted laugh. “When did you get so good at this ‘comforting other people’ stuff?” he jokingly asked.
Shouto smiled kindly. “When you taught me how,” he answered without hesitation. “You let me tell you about everything going on with my family. You helped me through that; you helped me get over all my reservations about using my fire. You helped me reconnect with my mother. Now it’s time for you to tell me what’s going on in your mind, and for me to help you.”
Izuku drew in a broken breath, steeling himself before letting it all spill out.
“Shouto —” He began but his voice quivered. He could feel the tears coming, begging to come out, but he swallowed them. Not right now, “I’m scared — I’m really really scared. I thought that coming back to UA would help with my recovery, but I just can’t escape them — these fears! These nightmares!”
Shouto listened intently, letting his friend speak.
“It’s always the same — all of you, dead before me, all because I failed. Because I failed to use One for All for its intended purpose,” Izuku could feel the dread in his heart getting stronger. He clutched his chest in emotional agony, needing relief from this phantom pain, “It’s not just that, but every day I fear that something terrible could happen the longer I am here. What if All for One or Shigaraki came and threatened the lives of all of you? What if he comes and I can’t do anything about it? It’ll be because I wasn’t strong enough!”
Izuku gazed at Shouto, his eyes pleading, “Because I didn’t stop them!” Izuku wailed, “I’m not worthy of this quirk! What kind of dam successor am I!?”
“Izuku,” Shouto began, maintaining a calm and gentle tone to avoid further agitating his already distraught friend, “I know you're scared and who wouldn’t be? Having One for All — it is a big responsibility, but remember, even with this power you are not fighting this battle alone. Just like we said back when we found you, we will fight this battle together. So don’t feel like you have to fight this by yourself, you are not alone in this.”
Izuku whimpered but listened to Shouto’s words. In his panic-riddled mind, it was hard to take his words into his truth.
They are not strong enough–
“And I know what you are thinking,” Izuku jumped at his comment, “You think we are not strong enough. Look, Izuku. This entire time while you were gone we have been training, We are strong enough to fight this battle alongside you, we will not fall that easily,” Shouto smiled, “Nobody will. Not me, not Bakugo, not All Might, and not our class.”
Shouto placed a comforting hand on his knee, “You are and will never be alone. I will always be there for you, just as you have been there for me.”
Izuku was still shaking, the adrenaline from his panic still heightened. But the anxiety that was ravaging him in endless bouts began to subside. But his worries and fears still gnawed at him. Shouto noticed.
“Hey, take some breaths with me. In…”
Izuku followed, his breathing hitching as he did.
“And out…again, in…”
He copied Shouto, taking in deep breaths and letting them fill his lungs.
“And out…”
Izuku exhaled.
“Better?” Shouto asked.
“Yeah,” Izuku nodded, feeling his heart gradually steady as One for All's intense power began to ebb away.
Shouto slowly stood up and lent a hand forward to Izuku, “We should probably go before we get caught.”
Izuku chuckled, “Right,” He accepted his hand and let Shouto pull him up to standing. His legs shook a bit, but Shotou kept a watchful eye on the green-haired teenager.
“You okay?” He asked, ready to catch if needed.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little shaken you know,” Izuku replied, taking a few steps to ensure he was capable of walking. Once he knew he was good, he made his way over to his belongings. Shouto followed closely beside him.
“Hey, Shouto, sorry for what happened.” Izuku apologized, “I guess I got a little overboard.”
“It’s okay, our quirks tend to be attuned to our emotions, I know mine are.” Shouto voiced.
“Yeah, I guess so…I’m glad you came, though,” Izuku said as he approached his backpack. He grabbed it and swung it behind his back, “I really appreciate it.”
“Of course,” Shouto grabbed the handle to the side door and opened it, “What are friends for.”
He let Izuku go out first. Shouto stepped out and softly closed the door, not wanting to make any noise that could allude to their whereabouts.
“Time to get some sleep,” Shouto commented, beginning their trek back to the dorms.
“Yeah,” He suspired, feeling a sense of tranquility settle within him.
Maybe tonight he would finally sleep, free from the grip of nightmares. All thanks to his friend, unwavering and steadfast, who had never left his side—no matter what.