Work Text:
I know you know, I'm not too discreet
Walking around, heart on my sleeve
So, you say you love me, but not the way I need
Things are so close to what I want to be
-
Over the years things have changed. Alec Hardy has realized many things. (In no particular order.)
..The sun that used to beat him into an early death doesn't burn so bad anymore. The cliffs that used to taunt him on his walk to work don't quite bother him so much. The bluebells and water that used to haunt his dreams seem to have dissipated slightly *He still gets nightmares on occasion but it seems the girls who have haunted him for years have finally been laid to rest properly.*
He has perhaps had no luck dating since he only talks about his job. More specifically the DS he sees daily. He has also realized that he has no interest in dating if it is not that specific DS. But pay no mind to those specifics.
These emotions he had thought he held at bay seemed to be coming forward more. Unfortunately for him. From staring at her when she was working at her desk to walking her home after some completely harrowing nights, needing to get her home safe. He could confidently say he was losing his grouchy exterior, only to her.
Although he hadn't noticed.
She had.
“You know you don't have to plodge after me like some dog.” she stops at an intersection as he walks her home a little after 2am.
“S’cuse me, thought you were scared of the people in this town.” He stops next to her. Trying to gage where this conversation will go next.
It's true. Everyone in the town had been a little bit wound up after their pervious sexual assault case. Even Ellie Miller was a bit shaken after the whole thing was settled.
“It's been months since then.” She looks him up and down as she stays opposite him at the corner before she gets to her house. “You don't need to follow me anymore.”
He looks away from her analyzing him. “if you want me to stop, I'll stop. Don't see the big deal…” he trails off staring in the opposite direction and rubbing his neck absentmindedly. A tick he's sure he's picked up from somewhere.
She still eyes him suspiciously before he is sure he's heard a light bulb ding above her head. Even without looking at her he can feel the gears in her head turning.
“Could it be? The “Worst cop in Britain,” Chief DI shitface, Alec Hardy wants to protect me?” She gasps into the air laughing as she continues to walk to her door. Completely taking the piss out of his friendly *albeit* terrible effort at whatever type of affection he's trying to work at.
He huffs next to her, clearly annoyed at the whole conversation. “what if I am trying to.. I dunno.. protect you.”
She halts at her front door. Looking down at him from the top of the steps. “That would make you a right fool. I'm far more fit than you. You'd better chance scaring them with that mean mug of yours than chasing them down and beating them.”
She opens her door and leaves him out in the cold before waving him off.
He sighs as he rubs his face in his hands. When had this all gotten so complicated?
–
I've known you so long, and maybe too well
All of the boys, you kiss and tell
Though I'll never be them, see I'm just a good friend
Though it's not quite bliss, I don't want this to end
–
He watches her as she goes on date after date. Pines after her from afar. The blokes she goes after are all rather fit much to Alec’s displeasure. They're all tall (which he's got in the bag.) But most are clean shaven, look well healthy and like they actually sleep. It's got him on edge.
He over analyzes them anytime he sees one. His blood boils as the newest one kisses her cheek in front of the police station. He whizzes past them in a huff acting like he had any right to her in the first place. Acting like a right piece of shit for the rest of the day.
The rest of his colleagues shrug him off. Leaving Ellie to pick up the pieces of what remains of Alec Hardy as he shrieks about whatever he can to release some of his frustration. Throwing the pounds of paperwork against his desk before smashing his head against said desk just as hard. Pure rage emanating off of his bones.
She watches him self-destruct and hasn't the faintest idea of what's got his pants in such a twist. Leaning against the doorframe of his office with one of the strongest tea’s she's ever made in her life to try and bring him back down to earth.
She sets it down in front of his head resting on the paperwork and goes back to work in her own office. Not wanting to deal with the roaring beast that is her boss.
He lifts his head 20 minutes later and feels like a right arse when he gets up to microwave it.
-
Oh-oh, she wants me to be loved
Oh-oh, she really, really does
-
“How's it going with Daisy?” She asks him as they sit in his office late at night.
“Probably should be gettin’ back to ‘er.” He sighs checking his watch.
“Not what I asked.” She looks at him pointedly.
“S’ fine. Good. Finally settled. Got her room all set up the way she wants. Even got her proper furniture now.” He rubs the sleep out of his eyes as he talks about his daughter. A little light flickering behind his eyes that wasn't there before.
She thinks he looks nice like this. Talking about his daughter. She hopes Daisy sticks around for his sake.
-
Oh, I can't stop feelin', I want her love
But all my dreamin' is not enough
So in the mornin', the sun will rise
And I'll wake up and she won't be-
-
He dreams of her often these days. Sure they sometimes aren't PG-13 but dreams like that are bound to happen.
He dreams of her all the time. Dreams of her next to him is his stupid blue house. Dreams about her in pretty dresses then out of pretty dresses. Dreams that one day that she'll ask him to pub and in his dreams he's strong and not afraid to accept her invitation.
He is always awakened by the harsh sunlight in between his blinds. No later than 7am. Wishing she was next to him when he rolls over.
-
Oh-oh, she wants me to be loved
Oh-oh, she really, really does
Let's take a walk down by the beach
It's warm on the sand, we'll save space for Jesus
I'll pick you flowers while you count the hours
'Til you can go home and watch drama TV
-
This is one of his more romantic dreams. He knows it's a dream because he wouldn't be caught dead out here. Not like this.
His eyes roam the coast as the waves roll in. He assesses the situation. He's in his button down and slacks but his tie is mysteriously gone. His pants rolled up to his knees and his shoes have been ditched somewhere up the beach. He feels the hot air be pushed by the ocean fawning in. The salt in the air bites at his tongue as he feels the wind pick up.
But then he sees her. And he knows this is most certainly a dream.
Ellie Miller. His Ellie Miller. His ideal Ellie Miller* he corrects. Is standing up at the edge of the water. Her back towards him. Hair up and out of her face due to the wind he's sure. She's in some flowy thing he's quite fond of. A mix between a loose dress and cover up. Her shoes most likely next to his. She's swinging around her toddler. Letting his feet spash in the cool water.
As she turns toward him, toddler still in hand, she waves.
He's never felt so in love with someone.
He wakes up in a cold sweat. The winter air has a harsher bite and he wraps himself tighter in his blanket.
-
I'll say it now, there's no turnin' back
Time after time, my odds are stacked
So, I'll say no kiddin' while you wish I didn't
Maybe this time will be different for me
-
He wishes he wasn't such an ass. Wishes he could be something more just to give her what she needs. He'd never admit these things to her. He knows his odds are stacked against him. If he were to ever admit the feelings that had built up over years, he's sure she would reject him in a heartbeat.
-
Oh-oh, she wants me to be loved
Oh-oh, she really, really does
One day you'll love me before we grow old
All of your wishes to have and to hold
I'll do your dishes and ask for no kisses
So, I'll tell you what I want if
You tell me what you want is
Quit movin'
Quit dancin'
Why can't you love me here tonight?
-
He doesn't know how they got here. She dragged him along with her and he’s hard pressed to refuse. Its some sort of gala. Some fundraiser for the police force. One he would never even consider going to if not for her.
She picked him up from his shabby little hut at half past seven, the dress she's wearing already rendering him speechless even though it's all bunched in her van. He's got on some tailored thing from when he was younger, his fitted jacket a bit more tight then he'd like but not enough to be noticeable.
They walk to the community center, disguised as a fancy venue together. When she links their arms he's sure he's about to faint. But as soon as they enter the building she pulls away. Drifting toward the tables of snacks and plastic cups of wine.
He lets her go. Watching as she mingles with anything with a pulse. Gossiping about everything and anything she's willing to say. He thinks his life would be a lot easier if she just stuck with him. He'd let her do all the talking.
She finds her way back to him after he’s nursed his third cup of whatever shitty Merlot the Police budget could allow. She's buzzed and she can see in his face he is too.
She grabs him and picks up the dance with ease. The music playing is that fake regency, soft swaying type. He lets her. She wraps herself around him like she's trying to shield him. His movements are stiff and his limbs don't seem like they're wired correctly as he tries to follow her lead.
He lets her lead him anywhere she pleases. Happy she's holding his hand as she pulls him around instead of staring mindlessly at the wall until it's time to go. She yanks him outside to catch some fresh air. The ballroom is stuffy and full of drunk people.
He looks at her. Flush and full of life in a beautiful gown he'd never expected to wear.
“Hardy?” She looks at him as he continues to watch her.
“I think I- I'm in love with you.” He gasps and is sure her face is just as surprised as his. So he does the only logical thing. And he runs.
-
Oh-oh, she wants me to be loved
Oh-oh, she really, really does
Oh-oh, she wants me to be loved
Oh-oh, she really, really does
-