Chapter Text
Sometimes demonic cultivation is a little more odd than science, just like baking and brain surgery.
That might be the reason why, after his eighth or ninth attempt at the same resurrection ritual, Xue Yang finally made unexpected progress.
He died.
Well, not quite. Everything went dark for the young man, and in the black pitch he had fallen into, suddenly a voice started ringing in eerie celebration.
Congratulations on your passing! You have been selected for the Chén Qíng Lìng Favourite Character Imitation Initiative. Please enjoy this unique experience!
What the fuck…?
Xue Yang didn’t have time to speak – he wasn’t even sure he had lungs or vocal cords to speak with anymore. The voice kept talking in a faux excitement that remind him unpleasantly of the fake smiles of Jinlintai.
The character you have been matched to is:
-> Xue Yang <-
The system has detected an accuracy of 97% of similarities with this user’s personal appearance. The system will therefore grant this user the chance to access the Premium Service after a brief trial to test behaviour and personality accuracy.
What, what, what???
The system wishes you luck in the trial!
Wha…?
“…at?” he said out loud, finally sounding like fucking normal and not as if his brain was underwater.
He blinked, confused. The darkness around him morphed a bit into a dark courtyard, that he saw from a rooftop. He was fairly sure he had never been in such a place, but as details became clearer, he saw a few interesting details.
The place was littered with corpses, which… yeah, that did look more familiar.
And the plaque at the far end of the yard read Chang Manor.
Huh???
The Chang Manor he knew and hated (and had already slaughtered many years ago) looked nothing like that place.
He was about to get down there and investigate when the stupid voice talked again.
Opening Cutscene starting. Please refrain from taking action for the duration of the cutscene.
What does that mean, cutscene?, he said. Or rather, he thought. He couldn’t move his mouth, nor move any parts of him at all.
Hey! Hey, voice! What the fuck!!
He glared angrily, because it was the only thing he could do, apparently. Right then, came from under the gate he was sitting on three guys in fancy sect clothes. Xue Yang had spent long enough sneaking around Lanling to recognize two of those: purple Jiang, and white-blue Lan. In fact, that Lan prick looked very much like A-Yao’s precious “er-ge”…
“There you are!” he said. Except he didn’t say it, his voice came out uninvited.
He screamed internally a bit more while those three punks turned around -he didn’t recognize either of them, even if the fake Lan Xichen was really grating on his nerves- but his screaming went from angry cursing to intelligible pterodactyl screeching when he turned around and saw him.
Xiao Xingchen.
Gracefully falling from the sky, like a swan who had never heard about gravity. White robes fluttering, arms stretched, eyes cold still attached to a beautiful face whose smile Xue Yang had been missing for years now.
Well, he wasn’t smiling much now. And after the initial shock, he also looked slightly different than the Xiao Xingchen that Xue Yang kept on ice in Yi City. He was alive, for one.
“Xue Yang!” he said, voice stern and no-bullshit frown, sending shivers of exhilaration down the young man’s spine.
Daozhang! He wanted to shout. He wanted to run to his arms, although Shuanghua was now firmly pointed against him.
Eh, wouldn’t be the first time he got stabbed with it, and it would be one hundred percent worth it.
But once again, his body moved and talked on its own, starting an asinine banter with the daoshi. Missing cultivators this, atrocities that… Xue Yang had the feeling he had heard that speech before, although in very different circumstances.
For example, Xiao Xingchen had never caught him red-handed in the aftermath of his Chang clean-up operation. He had pursued him across a province before they even met, and the young delinquent realized his pursuer was that stupidly sexy daoshi he had seen in Lanling.
But here they were, chatting away on a roof with Xiao Xingchen’s righteous words and Xue Yang’s mouth on autopilot while Xue Yang himself all but drooled to have daozhang alive and kicking so close again.
Well, that was until the chirpy voice flashed in his mind again.
Attention! Trial testing will begin in 10… 9… 8…
Uh?, thought Xue Yang, and for some reason that he hadn’t paid attention to, he jumped backwards away from Xiao Xingchen…
…only to be yanked again into the courtyard and fall flat on his back.
5… 4… 3…
Aaaaargh!, screamed Xue Yang in his mind, seeing how Xiao Xingchen threw himself down the roof, cutting the air with Shuanghua, ready for the kill, and only managed to avoid him when on the last second he felt in control of his own limbs again.
1… Go!
The stupid voice rang out as Xue Yang avoided death by a ridiculously small margin.
Congratulations! You are now in the trial testing for the Chén Qíng Lìng Favourite Character Imitation Initiative! Please remember this trial tests the accuracy of your portrayal! Your progress will be marked live! This system encourages the user to try their best!
“What the fuck are you on about!??” shouted Xue Yang at the voices in his head. Except this time he was speaking out loud, making Xiao Xingchen look at him odd for a millisecond before keeping on attacking with his sword.
A big red -5 symbol flashed in front of Xue Yang, who had no idea what that meant, but he didn’t care to think about it when Shuanghua was about to get too intimate with his intestines. So, he gladly forgot about the voice and started parrying and attacking himself, letting muscle memory work on a body that he started to suspect wasn’t his own either… and having a great deal of fun.
He hadn’t fought with Xiao Xingchen for years, and even that was only sparring in Yi City with a blind man who didn’t want to hurt his “inexperienced” friend. It was a lot longer since the last time they actively tried to kill each other. Xue Yang had missed it, and so he fought with a huge smile on his face ready to enjoy the moment as much as possible.
Incidentally, more symbols he didn’t understand kept flashing in green before his eyes, not too distracting to cause him to make a fatal mistake, but certainly annoying. This time it was all +10 all around, and he had no idea what those meant, nor did he care.
He did care when, at one point, he felt a yank on his wrist that almost costed him his head. One of the three clowns he had forgotten about had put a binding spell on him, apparently. Xue Yang made a mental note about killing that meddlesome idiot, and kept fencing around Xiao Xingchen with the flashy elegance of a rooster performing a courting dance.
Don’t get killed, thought Xue Yang, but don’t kill him either… Careful now! Maybe… let’s try disarming him? Then I can keep Shuanghua and ask him for a kiss in return for his sword…
However, Xue Yang was once more yanked out of his evil plans when the spiritual binding threw him off balance mid-jump and made him end up at the other end of the courtyard, with Xiao Xingchen’s sword on his neck.
Xue Yang was about to make some witty remark, or a seductive smile now that daozhang could actually see it, but before that the bloody demonic voice chirped out again.
Congratulations! Congratulations! Congratulations! Good things ought to be said thrice! You have achieved the top position in the Insert Character Name personality and performance accuracy with an overall match of 95%! You are now granted an account to enjoy this immersive experience that…
Shut up, shut up, shut up!! Interrupted Xue Yang angrily. I can’t hear myself talk!
Indeed, his voice and body were once again moving on their own accord, and about to launch a hidden attack, if the very suspicious positioning of Jiangzai’s scabbard was any indication.
The voice didn’t care.
Cut-scene and performative restraints will be removed progressively as the system reboots. Please have some patience and enjoy your unique interactive experience with the world of Chén Qíng Lìng. This system offers a 24h service for its users, free of charge and advertisements.
By the time the voice finally shut up, all Xue Yang knew was Song Lan had butted in (it had to be him, he also looked similar enough and that look of righteous constipation could only belong to one man in the entire Jianghu anyways), and Xue Yang somehow had ended tied from the ceiling of the Chang’s main hall.
Daozhang was there, which was great, but so were unfortunately the three posh gongzi and Song fucking Lan. As soon as he stopped hearing voices and was sure to be in control of his movements, Xue Yang tilted his head adorably and even smiled slightly to let his cute canine tooth show.
“Xiao Xingchen! I want to talk to you alone!” he said.
Daozhang shot him a long, pensive stare, which was more hopeful and beautiful to look at than the look of utter disgust from Song Lan.
The bastard of the spiritual binding also felt the need to butt in, giving Xue Yang more reasons to dispose of him as soon as possible.
“Who would like to talk to you, little friend? You must be as boring as Jiang Cheng!” he said with an insincere smile.
“Wei Wuxian!” scolded him the angry purple grape from the Jiang sect.
Xue Yang’s mind reeled a bit. Wait… Wei Whowhat now???
The Yiling Patriarch was already dead by the time Xue Yang had gotten to the Changs! Xue Yang had only seen him once, in a conference in Lanling, and he looked quite different than the ‘Wei Wuxian’ in front of him! What a crappy place the voice had left him in, where things were out of order and people only vaguely resembled their original selves!
Never mind. If the Yiling Laozu was there, that meant Xue Yang was properly cooked unless he could find a way to escape. And escape with Xiao Xingchen, preferably.
This time, Xue Yang wasn’t letting him out of his side for a single moment.