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His hands were cold. But then again I don’t think Dally has ever had warm hands. His hands matched his rough outer shell. Calloused and cold.
“You alright, Johnny?” Dally mumbled a cigarette pressed between his lips. That stood dangling half burnt and still smoldering.
“I’m good.” I told him, I didn’t like worrying him. Didn’t like worrying anyone really.
“You lying?” He took the cigarette out of his mouth with two fingers offering it to me. The smoke dangled in the air between us as I took it with my own shaky fingers. “Yeah.”
Another thing I didn’t like was lying to Dal and I know sure as hell he didn’t like when I lied to him, or even when he had to lie to me.
“Wanna talk about it.” He asked starring at the floor one leg slightly bouncing up and down. Along with the hand that was not set carefully over my own, was tapping on his knee. The beat of some song he heard on the radio most likely.
“No.” I told him, taking a drag from the cigarette he offered me, before I handed it back to him. “Alright.” We went silent for a while. Long enough for the cigarette we had been passing back and forth to turn to a butt, and for the sun to began to set. I knew pony dug sunsets, but I don’t know if Dally as ever had a chance to look up and see one. He’s not the kind of guy to look up at the sky. Let alone a sunset.
“I’m Sorry.” Dally mumbled under his breath. For a second I didn’t even think he said it. I thought I was imagining it. Dallas Winston. Apologized to me, even though he didn’t do nothing. He had said sorry to me. I didn’t even think he knew how to say the word sorry. Let alone ‘I’m sorry.’
“For what…?” My voice came out more surprised than I would have liked it to be, but I think my facial expression all ready revealed that. “Not being there.”
“How could you have know that was gonna happen?”
“I… I don’t know. I just… I can’t handle seeing you like this, man.” His voice sounded so sincere. It almost made me sick. This was a side of Dally I don’t think even think Dally had ever seen.
“All cut up. Bruised. Makes me wanna punch something, man.” His eyes were soft and his voice was vulnerable. Along with the feeling of his hand lifting up. Running his thumb over the cut on my cheek. His fingers were rough along with still freezing. It made me feel safe almost. But I wouldn’t ever say that. Ever.
His eyes darted to the marks and bandaids on my face. That Darry had put on to help patch me up. But before long his fingers slowly dripped off of my face. He got quiet for minute, but so did I. Finally he stood up shoving his fists into his pockets. “Wanna go for a drive.” For some reason I felt a weight lifted off my chest as I nodded.
His hands helping me to my feet. The door creaked open as I followed behind Dallas, like a shadow. He hopped over the car door whilst I opened it and slide into the passenger seat. My fingers grabbing the handle and shutting it quickly. This wasn’t even dally’s car. I don’t think he had one. He most likely swiped the keys from buck a few days back.
As I slumped into my seat, Dally punched the keys into the exhaust. The sound of the car turning over buzzed into my ears as he pulled out of the drive way. It was silent. But I don’t think either of us minded. We sat silent like this. Like we usually did. The wind strong, but I was to blinded by the sky, to notice it blowing my hair around. I get why Pony digs sunsets. They almost don’t feel real.
My day dreaming was cut off with Dallas handing me a cigarette, the smoke shot back with the wind. I took the cigarette from him taking a long drag from it. My mind was caught up with the sky, I wondered if I should tell Dally to look. Pull over. Live a little. But I know I can’t just say something like that to Dallas.
Finally I realized, we were pulling over to the side of the road. My eye catching on a small dirt path. I think Dally could see the confusion on my face as he took off his sunglasses. “Just come on. It ain’t that bad.” I quickly followed after him, sense by the time I had gotten out of the car he had started on the trail.
“So. See any tuff car recently.” When the space between us got to silent, Dally would ask me about cars. I think after a while he realized I liked talking about cars. But i’m way to nervous to get my hands on one. Fix them like Steve dose. But I like talking bout them. So I told him about this corvette I saw a few weeks back.
He nodded along as I spoke. Then I moved onto school, and what Ponyboy and I have been learning about and what not. He’d ask questions and Id laugh if He made any kind of joke about something I had said.
Then he stop and climbed up over a rock -helping me over it.- It was only a minute longer of a walk before we stop at some small clearing. He must have took me up a small mountain of sorts. But it was pretty. Real pretty. I didn’t understand why he even took me here. I don’t think Dallas Winston got some secret place to look up at be sky. “Don’t go looking all surprised. I take girls up here.” He smiled and leaned against a real old railing, made outta wood that stood deep in the earth.
“Oh boy, I get to go to Dallas secret make out spot. How did you know I always wanted to go here.” I said, my voice reeked of sarcasm, I was also slightly worried he’d get upset by the comment. But he just laugh, giving me a smile. “I made your day didn’t I.” I know he’s a guy an all. But every time I make Dally laugh. I got an odd feeling inside. It’s warm and it’s probably what I should feel about some girl. But I don’t get the feeling even around the prettiest girls in school. Even if none of them know I exist. But when I can make the cold, rough, and tuff Dallas Winston laugh. I feel my face get hot, and my finger tingle. It’s weird yeah. But after a while, I liked the feeling.
“It’s pretty, hell. How’d you fine this place?” I asked leaning up on the railing next to him. “Was running from some cops man and stumbled upon it. Made a note or something bout it when I got sent to the cooler.” He told me his eyes looking down at the drop from the mountain.
Sometimes I didn’t know if I wanted to be Dally or be with Dally. He was pretty. Got good eyes and hair. Along with the fact of he doesn’t get all quiet, and clammy when a pretty girl talks to him. He’s almost perfect to be fair. I was just looking at him, leaned my head down onto my arms that were resting on the fence. I knew I shouldn’t see him like this. But sometimes I just like to pretend that it’s okay. “What ya looking at Johnnycakes?” He asked me, leaning downwards a little to look at me. The same cheeky smile he wears greeting my eyes that’s practically glued to his face. “Nothing.” I looked away from him, lifting myself up a bit. As my eyes traveled up to the sky, the sun was almost gone. But the shades and hues from it setting, we’re still hanging in the air. As he leaned against me.
“Ya know why I like this place?” He asked me finally, his own hand close to mine. “Why?” I responded taking a cigarette from my pocket, before grabbing the small match box I had, lighting it. “Ain’t no one around. No one can hear ya scream.” He said chuckling. “Dealing with who you bring up here, I don’t know if that’s supposed to be ominous or sexual.” I respond looking back at him, he was close. Real close. If I were a girl you would think he was about to kiss me. But that wouldn’t happen. Right?
“Ever liked anyone Johnny?” His question, almost set me off balance. That wasn’t what I had thought he was gonna ask. “I don’t… I don’t know.” My voice got quiet like before. Can’t help it. It happens when I get nervous. “Thought you’d say something like that.” His voice seemed humored. “Ever kissed someone?” He leaned closer to me one eyebrow raised. “Don’t rub it in.” I said rubbing my eyes with my fingers. But then I slowly put the puzzle pieces together. Did he want to kiss me? No. That’s crazy. Crazy.
“You ain’t gonna punch me for this next question right. I swear I didn’t take you up here to do nothing weird alright. Just. You gotta promise this question won’t change nothing tween us. Alright?” He seemed nervous. That was weird.
“Alright. Promise.” I was skeptical. Clearly. “Can I… fuck man. Forget it.” He leaned off me, standing up straight running his fingers through his hair. “Kiss me?”
I said the worlds before I even knew the meaning. I looked up at him. His face grew surprised. God even flustered. “Yeah. That.” His gaze had softened, his finger stoped trembling. He stoped leaning from foot to foot. Back and forth. “Yeah.” I looked at him my hands shoved deep in my pockets fiddling with the box of matched that lived in one of them. His same look came back as he leaned forward. “Yeah sure. I don’t wanna go pressuring you to do shit for me johnnycakes…” I nodded.
“I want ya to kiss me.” My words left my mouth once again. Not even letting myself register them. God when I’m around Dal my brain gets all jumbled like scrambled eggs. “Ya dig?” I said as I leaned back against the fence blowing smoke, from the cigarette that I had stuck in between my fingers. Dal laughed leaned on the fence next to me. “You’re interesting.”
I smiled at him as he leaned closer to me. Kissing me In the silence and empty ness of the woods. Dal and I, and nothing else. Together. I’d give anything for that again.