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“Johnny. It’s fucking late…what.” Dallas mumbled rubbing his eyes a hand planted on the door beside him. Johnny stood looking at him with a cigarette in his mouth, and a hand cupped around it so it wouldn’t go out.
“Sorry. I didn’t know where to go… and you were the closest.” His voice was low as he blew smoke and tucked the cigarette under his jacket (which was drenched and dripping.) “Fine… get inside.” He put a hand on Johnny shoulder and led him inside and closed the door behind the two, yawning.
“Why the fuck you out in the rain man…” Dallas asked as Johnny took off his jacket, and put the cigarette back into his mouth. Before shaking off some of the water still trapped in his jacket. “Parents kicked me out.” Jonny’s sated, like it was an everyday thing… which it was.
Dallas sighed and grabbed Johnnys jacket as he said. “Fuck your folks man, Jesus.” He paused as he ran his calloused thumb over Johnny arms. Feeling the cold damp surface of his skin. “You’re freezing... Come on. You can take a shower and borrow some of my shit or somthing.”
Johnny nodded pushing the cigarette butt out on the sole of his chucks. “Thanks dal…” Dallas nodded and led Johnny upstairs. As he tossed his jacket over a chair in his room to let it dry. Then turned and dug through his unorganized dressers for somthing that would fit the boy.
While Dallas hunted Johnny shook his hair, with his hand. Trying to get the water out. Sort of like a wet dog would. Soon enough Dallas shoved something into Johnnys hands, as he moved on into the shitty closest like bathroom. He took him a minute to fix the handle which had been broken for months.
Every time he would have to struggle slightly to get water that wouldn’t freeze you to death. “Fucking shit man…” He hit his hand on the knob which caused it to start up finally. Water began to pour out of the shower head. Slowly it elevated as it reached an acceptable temperate.
“Johnnycakes. Got the shower running man.” Dallas stated, as he walked off of the creaky slightly stained tile floor of the bathroom. “Alright give me a second.” Johnny said in almost a mumble, He was blowing on a copy of Moby dick Ponyboy had lent him. It got a little wet around the edges from the rain and he was trying to dry it off.
“Here I got it. Just… go shower.” Dallas offered as he took the book from Johnny hands and pushed the hair from his eyes. “Come on man, don’t want ya turning into a fucking ice cub in my room.” Dallas stated as he held the drenched book in his hand.
Johnny nodded, as his eyes darted to a different point in the room. “Alright. Thanks Dal.” As Johnny left, he continued to wipe the water that still dripped from his hair. Dallas plopped down on his creaky old bed and starred up at the ceiling. “Fuck…” He mumble, holding the book up staring at the cover. Before he moved his body up into a sitting position.
He pushed the pages open, as he flicked his lighter on a brought it closer to the wet corners of paper trying to have them dried flat as if the book was new. Along with desperately trying to not also set them on fire. These moments of nothingness always stuck with him for some reason. The rain hitting the window like a soft song more than bullets, and the sounds of the flame as he used the heat to dry the paper.
Pushing them down and running his finger along them gently trying to make them go flat. To fit perfectly back like before. Hoping if he got it close enough he could see Johnny smile. It was rare, I mean shit he knew what the kid had delt with. So when he did make him smile it made him dizzy almost. Slightly euphoric. It was weird hell crazy. But god it made his stomach turn and flip.
He could hear the sounds of the shower, fizzing slightly. Before it turned off. Johnny came out dressed with a cigarette, like usual. “I ain’t trying to intrude or some shit. But what’s up with you being so quiet. I mean more than you usual. Ya know. I don’t know man. What’s going on, I don’t get worried but ya worrying me.” Dallas said trying to sound light hearted, with a small smile on his face and his voice almost teasing.
Johnny looked up at him. Than at the book. He had dried it. Almost perfectly. “I don’t know Dal… this fight was just different. I’ve… I’ve never seen my dad that mad.” Johnny plopped down next to him, staring up at the ceiling his voice quiet and almost scared. “I’m sorry man. I get it. My old man was the biggest fuck up on planet.” Dallas said, handing the book back to Johnny. “I don’t know. It was just weird. Ya dig.”
“I dig.”
The two of them sat on Dallas bed, looking up the ceiling. Johnny smoking a cigarette and Dallas staring to drift off. “Do you remember… that night… when you… you brought me up that hill.” Johnny asked looking over at Dallas who had his eyes shut. “Yeah. I remember.” He said, half sleep. “Don’t get me wrong or nothin. But did it mean anything?” Johnny asked quietly staring at Dallas who now had his eyes open. “What?” Dallas responded. “The kiss?”
“Yeah.”
Dallas exhaled at Johnnys Response, feeling the younger boys eyes burning a hole through him. “Shoot Johnny. Ya know I ain’t good at this shit. Man I don’t know. I mean, sometimes even when I sleep with a girl it don’t mean a damn thing!” He stated. “It’s late Johnny why ya got me thinking bout shit.” Dallas grumbled as he as he crossed his arms over his chest. Looking up at the ceiling still.
“Dal, I- I know you don’t like talking but- I gotta know.” Johnny said as he sat up. Tapping his finger on his knee. Starring down at Dallas. “Know what?! Johnny it’s late- I-, I don’t wanna talk about this.” Dallas mumbled back, looking off out the window. His eyes softened as he sat up, next to Johnny. As he reach over for his cigarettes. “Just let me think man. Okay you’re a fucking boy. I can’t go running out holding your hand and skipping or nothing.” Johnny sighed Hugging his knees to his chest.
“I know. Sorry Dal.” Johnny sighed blowing smoke, picking at the skin of his bottom lip. Dallas chuckled lowly, rubbing Johnny shoulder with his hand. “It ain’t you kid. Shit happens. Trust me if I could I’d be skipping through fields and having a Picnic. But my life ain’t like that. I gotta stay tuff ya know.”
Johnny leaned against the other boy fiddling with the switch blade that’s lived in the back pocket of his jeans, his eyes narrowed. “Stop that, you keep thinking like that you’ll pop a fucking blood vessel or something.” Dallas smiled at the younger boy shoving his head away playfully, as he picked up Johnny’s copy of Moby dick.
“Jerk.” Johnny stated rolling his eyes as he put the switch blade on Dallas nightstand, keeping it away from the wet clothes so it didn’t rust. “There now is your insular city of the Manhattoes, belted round by wharves as Indian isles by coral-.” Dally read mockingly from the book. Before Johnny took the book from him, Dallas playfully protested. Keeping a grip of the book. As Johnny finally ripped it from his fingers sliding it back onto the bedside table. Next to his switch.
“You can be a real ass Dal. Ya know.” Johnny protested, leaning back down against the head bored. While Dally laughed, looking over at him. “Jesus Johnnycakes whats got your panties in a twist?” Johnny laughed under his breath, leaning his head back over to look up at the blonde boy.
“You can switch so fast, all serious right back to this.” Johnny said going back to hitting his nails. Dallas cocked an eyebrow at that statement. “Look at you Mr shrink. You evaluating me or some shit? Gonna poke some rods in my brain?” Johnny held his breath for a minute. Leaving the two in silence again. His finger moving through his damp hair. “Johnnycakes… what’s… what’s happening?” Dallas whispered, looking at Johnny wide eyes and dilated pupils.
Leaning forward to rub the boys back. “My dad said he didn’t love me…” Johnny said. His breath caught his throat, as he dug his finger into his thighs, still sat knees to chest. Both arms crossed around him like hug. “So what? My old man never gave a rats ass he’s sated to my face I’d be better off dead!” Dallas seemed to be trying to comfort him… in his own way. Which didn’t help Johnny.
“Ain’t nobody love me Dal. What’s the point of livin’ if nobody loved you.” Dallas face went pale as he looked at Johnny. “What. What you mean by that? Johnny… Johnny don’t go killing yourself. It gonna do nothing!” Dallas volume slightly raised, his voice almost breaking. As Johnny stood up tapping his fingers on his arms.
“Dallas I ain’t nothing! I cant do nothing. You saw me that night!? bleeding everywhere… ain’t nobody wanna put up with me. I’m basically a fucking toddler! And I’m almost 17?! But the point! Nobody loves me even my fucking old man-!” Johnny was shut up by Dallas cutting him off, grabbing his hands looking down at the boy. A bruise under his jaw. Large. More visible in moonlight, or any light really.
“Don’t go saying nobody loves you when you got the fucking gang man! They don’t go complaining! Your family man! I mean Jesus. Johnny… Johnny I…” Dallas looked down. His eyes shut, his breathing unsteady. “I love you.” Johnny stared at him, his gaze softening. His furrowed brows partings. Those same puppy dog eyes. Starring into Dallas’s soul.
“I love you. Johnny cade. We all do. So don’t go saying some dumb shit about killing your self… please. For me at least… I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t be able to handle… going on. With out you.” Dallas finally lifting his head up looking at Johnny, who was still staring. “Look at you… Dallas Winston talking about feelings.” Johnny stated just blow a whisper. Dallas began running his thumb over the same cut on Johnny cheek.
“Shut up.” Dallas hummed. Looking at the boy. “God I’m gonna sound like a pussy… but can we just go pretending everything ain’t shit man…?” He said sighing as his eyes hit the ground then looked back up Johnny. Meeting his gaze once more. “Yeah. We can do that.” Johnny returned, titling his head to the side slightly. His shaggy less greasy hair still a little wet from the shower. Small water droplets dripped down his cheek.
Dallas starred at him for a beat. The sound of crickets and an odd buzzing from downstairs sitting in the air. How would you describe a boy. That you liked… pretty? Handsome… perfect? Dallas didn’t know. He didn’t even know how to comprehend feeling with a broad. Let alone a boy. Let alone Johnny… so his action leading up still kinda confused him.
He’s kiss Johnny before. Once before. But he was doing it again. Lips pressed against one another. Dallas dry and Johnnys peeling lightly. From when he would pick at them. Another nervous habit. But Dallas didn’t care. He wouldn’t care if both of them were covered head to toe in mud.
Like he would always be in rodeo. Dallas would kissed Johnny when ever where ever if he could. The middle of a storm, with pouring rain and thunder. The middle of no where stranded, a gun to his head- “Dal.” Dallas stopped and. Blinked his eyes open at the boy who mumbled his name.
“I love you to.”