Chapter Text
When they say to love is to preserve, this isn't what Sakura had in mind.
He thought of long-distance love. He thought of waking up to Umemiya's good night. He thought of trying to talk when they have completely different sets of schedules and making it work. He thought it was trying to understand each other when their bodies are exhausted and their minds are weary from the day's trouble. When love and affection aren't enough to smooth things out, when they barely work as an anchor, a reminder of what they have and why they stay.
Certainly... not this.
"Oh, good morning Sakura!" Umemiya greets with a huge smile, when he walks into their kitchen. "You're finally awake. I was wondering if I need to wake you up since you usually get up early."
(It should've been Haruka.)
He just grunts in response and walks towards their fridge, taking out a small pouch of yogurt and ripping it open with his teeth.
"Eh, you aren't going to have breakfast?" Umemiya inquires kindly. The older man is staring at him while his left hand is still securely holding the frying pan's handle, while his right is holding a pair of chopsticks. A half-made egg is currently being fried on the black pan and the rest of his appetite disappears at the sight.
"No. I'm running late." He excuses, sucking the rest of the sour treat in one try.
"I see." Umemiya hums. "Alright then. I'll just bring the leftovers with me."
(Hajime would've nagged him to death for skipping breakfast with him.)
"Are you going to the office today?" He curiously asks, realizing that the white-haired male is donning a shirt and proper pants underneath the apron.
"Yes. I might not remember anything but I've learned most of the important things, enough to handle stuff like usual." Umemiya answers with a shrug. "I can't just stay here all the time too."
"Right." He nods, feeling a little more lost at the revelation. "Well, I'll get ready too then." He says, turning around to walk back towards their separate bedroom.
If to love is to preserve...
It clearly isn't staring at your supposed-to-be fiance and seeing none of the affection he used to have in his eyes. It isn't feeling like your heart is sinking with every passing day, gradually believing that they should annul their upcoming marriage, because what's the point ? Isn't the foundation of marriage to unite two souls who love each other enough to spend the rest of their time together, bound as one? Why should they continue this, when Umemiya has forgotten everything about them?
That in consequence, has forgotten his feelings for him as well?
The worst part of it is that Umemiya Hajime still acts like Umemiya Hajime. He's still kind. Dependable. Foolish. Strong. Clever. Despite not remembering him nor loving him now, Umemiya still treats him so kindly, accepts and listens to him and it's... hard. So so hard. He'd rather have the white-haired male shun him or despise him or hit him in disgust or just... something. Something that won't make him regret continuing their upcoming marriage and feeling like he's trapping a good man, or something that makes him won't regret breaking it altogether.
Sakura also knows he isn't the greatest man out there. He's selfish. He's brash. Reckless and he's still such an awkward being among the strangers.
But the last thing he wants to do is to chain down the man he genuinely loves, when Umemiya feels nothing but obligation and responsibility for him.
For them.
.
(And he's been playing the fool, the pretender long enough.)
(Umemiya Hajime taught him to trust, to accept, to love. Never in his mind did he ever think that the older male would also be the one to teach him how to let go as well—)
Sakura Haruka is letting go of Umemiya Hajime.
(He's going to be alright. He's used to be unloved.)
.
.
Three years later.
Umemiya Hajime stares at the much older black-and-white-haired male. He notes how Sakura's ever-bright heterochromatic eyes are now heavy with eyebags. He sees the weariness in the younger man's bones, the wariness in his stance.
He notices, the absence of a ring on both of Sakura's hands.
(Where is theirs?)
(Where is his ring too?)
Sorrow and heaviness break his heart to pieces at these facts.
"I'm not going to beg for your affection." Sakura says tiredly, but firmly. "If that's what you expect now that you've recovered some of your memories."
(Umemiya wonders, where they went wrong when he lost his memories, for his (ex) fiance to say such a hurtful thing to him.)
"What if I'm the one who begs for yours?" Umemiya replies earnestly with what he hopes is an assuring, gentle smile. He squashes down his pain, hoping his sincere feelings will reach Sakura and open the younger man's heart for him again. At the very least, he expects that it will relieve some of Sakura's tension, that he doesn't need to be so guarded against him.
(Why would Sakura beg for his affection, when he'll freely give it to him? When he's desperate to get Sakura's as well?)
However, Umemiya feels his pain is amplified when he sees the flinch on the younger man's face instead.
(What did he do in the past three years?)