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There's a tingling of bright magic that washes over him, and then he's hitting the ground with a hard thump.
The last thing Chat Noir remembers — what was, to him, mere seconds ago, but he has no idea how much time has actually passed — is throwing himself in front of Ladybug, shielding her from Desperada’s attack. He'd have thought the blow had missed him entirely if it wasn't for the familiar tingling in his skin that came from being brought back to life by the magic ladybugs. He breathes a sigh of relief, grinning as he stands up and dusts himself off. He never doubted that Ladybug would succeed, that he would be brought back. His Lady is brilliant.
Still smiling, he looks around for his partner, ready for their usual celebratory fistbump. But when his eyes land on her, she's not smiling. Her eyebrows are drawn together under her mask, lips twisted up in a frown.
His face falls, fear and worry twisting his stomach. "My Lady? What's wrong?"
"Can we talk?" she says briskly, voice cracking at the edges. She sounds like she's about to cry.
"Of course," he says, gently. Alarm spears through him at her tone. "I'll follow you."
Expression unchanged, Ladybug throws out her yo-yo, zipping towards the rooftops. Chat does as promised, following where she leads. Once they're a safe enough distance away from where the Akuma attacked, they touch down on a secluded roof, hidden from prying eyes. She immediately whirls on him.
"What were you thinking?" she hisses, fists clenched tightly at her sides as if she's afraid of what she might do with them. Chat's eyebrows raise in surprise.
"I'm sorry?" he says.
"Is this a game to you?" Her voice is a little louder, now. Tears have started to roll down her cheeks. "Is that what this is? Is that why you—" her fists unclench, coming up to yank at her hair, "—why you're so goddamn stupid?"
Chat's jaw drops open in shock. Before he can defend himself, she continues.
"You can't just do that. Don't you know how it feels to watch your best friend die right in front of you, over and over and over again, and not be able to do anything about it? What if I fail? What if I can't defeat the Akuma, and Hawkmoth gets our Miraculous, and Paris is destroyed, and then I have to live the rest of my life knowing that I couldn't save you or anybody else and—" She's rambling, now, tears dripping angrily down her face, and she doesn't seem to know how to stop. "What is wrong with you?"
A thousand different emotions run through him at once. Shock, embarrassment, anger, sadness, guilt. His gut reaction is to defend himself, to defend the decision he made, but he knows that what he did has hurt her. It’s written in the lines of her face, the angry tears streaming down her cheeks. He’s never seen her so distraught.
His ears press flat against his hair, tail hanging lifeless behind him. Swallowing down his pride, he says, "I'm sorry." His voice is quiet with shame, and his eyes flick down to her boots, suddenly finding it difficult to look her in the eye. "I'm sorry, Ladybug. I..." he takes a deep breath, trying to find the right words. She beats him to it.
"You're sorry?" She's almost shouting now, and he jumps a little, eyes snapping back up to meet hers. Her face is red, and she's scowling, tears flowing freely. His stomach churns. "How can you say that, when you keep sacrificing yourself every time I'm in even a little bit of danger? You know that means I have to finish the fight without you, right? Don't you know how it feels? How scared I am that I won't get you back?"
She sobs, then, and something in him breaks. He takes a step forward, holding his arms out to her, and she falls into him without a moment of hesitation. She curls her fists against his chest and sobs, her body shaking with the force of it.
How could he have been so reckless as to make his Lady feel this way? His heart twists in his chest, the heaviness of shame making him nauseous.
He should have known better. As Aspik, he had watched her disappear in front of his eyes thousands of times over, always failing to keep her safe like he had wanted. And even though he had had the power of Second Chance to bring her back each time he failed, something inside of him still shattered every time he had to watch her disappear into shimmering dust. He was so desperate to finally be able to protect her as Chat Noir that he hadn’t given a second thought to throwing himself in harm’s way for her sake.
But all his failures as Aspik had been because of his own carelessness, not because of a choice she had made to protect him. And now, as Chat Noir, as he imagines how it would feel to watch the love of his life sacrifice herself for his sake, his heart breaks in two. He holds Ladybug tighter against him, letting her cry, sharing her pain.
He shouldn't be so careless with his life. He loves her, he'd die for her — has died for her, time and time again — but he failed to consider how his recklessness was affecting her. She was the Hero of Paris, the braver of the two of them, always saving people with a smile and never letting her weaknesses show through.
Through the shining, perfect image he has of her, it seems he's let himself forget that she's human, too. Just like him.
"I'm sorry, Ladybug," he whispers into her hair. He hopes she knows just how true it is, how much he loves her. How much it breaks him to see her cry. "I'm so, so sorry."
In unison, their miraculous beep, signaling that they're about to detransform. Chat squeezes his eyes shut, pressing his face into her hair. He doesn't want to let her go.
Ladybug doesn’t move from his arms as their magic washes over them, leaving them in civilian clothes. They both know better by now than to reveal their real identities to one another; this wordless trust between them like a tangible bond, tying them together. (Regardless, Chat is thankful that they're away from where anyone could see them. He’s got enough to worry about right now.)
Ladybug is softer under his hands, now; he's no longer touching the smooth material of her suit, but the soft fabric of clothing, and the sensation makes him want to hold her closer, squeeze her tighter. He breathes in her smell, stronger now as it's unmasked by magic; she smells like warmth, like comfort, like coming home. The scent is achingly familiar to him, even without his magic-enhanced sense of smell.
"I've got you," he whispers, cheek pressed against her hair. He rubs soothing circles against her back, letting her cry as much as she wants. Not for the first time, something deep inside of him wants to open his eyes, to look at who his Lady is under the mask; but he fights this urge with ease, content to hold her, to keep her trust.
Her sobs eventually quiet down into hiccups. They stay like this for a little longer; her leaning against him, sniffling like a child, and him holding her close, wishing his love could soak through her skin to heal her heart.
"You're an i-idiot," she hiccups, but there's really no heat to her words. She just sounds tired, now.
"I know," replies Adrien, softly. "I'm sorry. I'll be better."
"You better be," she sniffles. He can feel her frown against his chest through the fabric of his shirt.
He nods, trying not to jostle her in the process. "I really am sorry, Ladybug. I had no idea I was hurting you. I just wanted to protect you, and I..." He sighs. "I should have considered how it was affecting you. I was careless. I'm sorry."
Ladybug sniffles again, before murmuring, "Dumb kitty cat. If you die again, I'll beat you up."
This makes him smile. "I hope so."
"Ugh. Don't look forward to it."
His grin widens, but he resists the urge to tease her further. He’ll save it for another time. "How about we transform back and go get ice cream?"
"Trying to bribe me with food?"
Adrien gasps. "I'm shocked you think so little of my integrity."
She laughs, and the sound lifts his soul.
"Okay. Let's go."