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I sit here trying not to let memories and thoughts crowd my head. Watching and waiting. All those times I've been in the infirmary, and someone else holding vigil – I guess now I can sympathize.
Just over a week ago, Rodney McKay was in my bed, discussing his requirements for energy, and how to build ZPMs. Later that night, he turned my world upside down. Of course he would; he's my geek.
“I get paid to think outside of your tiny militarized boxes, Colonel,” he said to me once. “And in colors you haven't even known existed.”
Oh, how many times did I want to smack that smug, crooked grin off his face!
The next morning, we explored a beautiful world blanketed with a dizzying array of thornless roses. All sorts of colors; so bright they burned my retinas I'm sure. Of course, our scientist complained of allergies. Of course said scientist had a hissy fit over venturing further than the 'gate. And he even sneezed a few times for show.
Then... And then...
Rodney collapsed in a bed of flowers, pale, pale skin against the blood red. That image is now burned into my memory.
Teyla got to him first, Ronon scooped him up, and I dialed the 'gate with numb hands. All I could think was, don't lose it. Don't lose it. My mind voice sounded a lot like Rodney. “Don't get how you get, Sheppard.”
Everything was pretty much a blur, whipping by so fast. Or was I just moving in slow motion?
Carson said we got McKay out of there in time, but then Rodney had a secondary reaction. He fell into some sort of coma. I'm sure Carson explained everything, but damned if I remember the conversation. It's been a whole week and my geek hasn't woken.
Looking around, I surreptitiously kiss him, wishing I could just gather him in my arms, and leave this smelly, sterile place. I can't help to reflect on how I got to this stage in my life.
The first time Rodney kissed me, he blew me away. I was floored; I had no idea someone could kiss like that, let alone experience it firsthand. When it ended, I felt like I'd been holding my breath all my life. My first barrel roll notwithstanding, it was the best feeling ever.
Probably the one and only time I forgave that smug grin.
The next time we kissed, it was later in the evening. He actually treated me to a sorta home-cooked meal. There were even candles and wine. Right then, I knew I was being wooed like a girl, and for some reason, it didn't bother me. For dessert, Rodney pressed every hot button I had, and discovered a few more.
His amazing hands had left indelible prints all over my body, deftly undressing me before I could protest. I never, ever, thought I could let someone take control like that, and so easily. Rodney had cooed in my ear, sucked the hollow of my neck, let his teeth scrape over my collarbone, and never asked about my sins.
I was a goner, then and there.
Over the last few months, we've learned more about each other, as any couple would, I guess. We both had – have – various issues and quirks nevertheless; issues with a capital 'I'. Seriously. Which leads to arguments, and shouting matches, and just plain bickering.
I know. It's cliché.
Between all that, there are moments we try to be not so annoying to each other.
Three weeks ago, I came back from a bad mission. They aren't all bad, just some are... really bad. Rodney had steered me to the nearest chair, pulled off my boots, and subsequently my filthy uniform. Bitching and moaning the whole time.
I feel a smile bend my perpetual frown at the memory. Rodney McKay, genius in two galaxies, had actually drawn me a bath.
To be honest, I barely remember what happened beyond the bath; I ended up tucked in bed, warm and dry. My astrophysicist was wrapped around me, whispering words of home and safety in my ear. He always keeps the nightmares at bay, like a protective shell. Teyla told me once that Rodney was my guardian at the gate, keeping everyone away when he thought I needed more sleep.
Of course, Teyla had been the first person we told about our... thing. Relationship. Whatever. She had already suspected, and was kind enough not to say anything.
Ronon...
I feel a chuckle escape my mouth.
“What are you laughing about?”
My world completely stops moving. Rodney's awake!
All I can do is reach out to grab his hand, rubbing small circles across bruised knuckles. I feel something break inside me; his hand is suddenly blurry. It takes everything I have just to focus on his breathing.
“What is wrong with you?” comes his exasperated tone. He weakly lifts a hand to his face, tracing the nasal cannula. “Why am I wearing this? What happened?”
“You... I... I...” My voice sounds foreign as it tries to form words; I can't say anything.
Rodney snorts as well as he can around the oxygen tube.”That's helpful, Colonel. Maybe you should use your words –”
“Shut up!” I hear myself say loudly. My voice still sounds strange to my ears, broken, rusty, unused. “Shut up. You almost died! And I... and I...”
His brow furrows and a frown appears. “Died?”
I feel like an observer in my own body. Suddenly, I'm climbing into bed next to him, kissing his temple, cheeks and frown. I can't help myself.
Burying my face in the hollow of his neck, all I can do is breathe him in, reassure my stupid, messed up brain that Doctor Rodney McKay is still alive.
“John?” He's rubbing and patting my arm, but I can't move. Not yet. “Well, I think you've just outted us. Hello, Carson.”
“Good evening, Rodney. Are you a sight fer sore eyes!” Even Beckett is choked up. So it's not just me!
“What the hell is going on here? What happened?”
I hear his demand for knowledge, but I can't leave my spot. Carson will have a field day with this!
“Sorry, lad. You've been in a coma for the last week. Ye had a very bad reaction to a very pretty flower on M5G418.”
“Really?”
He actually sounds surprised, tempting me to raise my head to look him in the eye skeptically. Instead, my hand has found its way across his chest, tucking itself between Rodney's arm and ribs. All I can do is breathe in his scent, even though it's not as pleasant as it normally is, what with the whole coma thing.
Another tap on my arm refocuses my attention.
“Uh, John? I'm sure Carson needs to do his rattle-shaking thing, okay?”
At this point, I really can't trust my voice. Shaking my head, I squeeze him gently. Seriously. I can't believe I'm acting this way. It's pathetic, I know; all clingy and damn near sobbing. So not right. What would Ronon say?
“No worries, Rodney,” I hear Beckett say. “I'll come 'round the other side.”
A few minutes later, Rodney moves a bit, his shoulder obscuring my face from Carson's laser eyes. Now, I can spoon in behind him, my heart thumping against his back.
“What is wrong with you? I mean, besides the obvious.”
“Rodney! Give the poor lad a break!” Exasperation mixes with amusement as Carson scolds my... geek. “As much as he's promised to eat and sleep, it's obvious he's done neither.”
“What's that got to do with anything?”
Carson sighs, knowing he'll have to spell it out. “He's been worried sick about you, Rodney. We all have. The man's knackered!”
I can almost hear the Snark-O-Meter ramp up in Rodney's brain. “That's ridiculous. John? I know you're not asleep.” He taps my restrictive arm for good measure. “Everyone will be here soon, so unless you feel like explaining you're playing Snuggle the Genius, you should move.”
Taking the deepest breath, I finally raise my head. “Okay.” At least I think I said it; can't hear over the roaring in my ears. Dragging my hands away, I suddenly feel cold and alone again as I leave the warmth of his body.
“John?” Someone says in the distance.
The edges of my vision darken. Great. Just great. I'm going to pass out, and I'm never going to hear the end of it. I feel my body being scooped up. The last thing I see is Rodney's concerned eyes.
oOoOoOo
I wake by inches.
“...I don't care, Carson. You should've seen that coming. He doesn't just pass out for no reason!”
“Rodney!”
“Sorry, Teyla.” I can hear the pout in Rodney's voice. “But still...”
“In my own defense, you weren't the only emergency, ya know. I was a little preoccupied. I have the finest nursing–”
“Blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I know. Finest nurses in two galaxies. I get it.” Oh dear. Rodney's on the rampage. “And what about you two?”
With my eyes closed, I can see Ronon's shrug. “I may not know him well, but I know he can take care of himself.”
Thanks, Chewy. Of course I can –
“No he can't!”
“I am glad he has you to watch out for him, Rodney. But you know his propensity to disappear.”
Elizabeth sounded like she was either upset or amused; I can't see how far her eyebrow is raised.
“Yes, yes. When the going gets tough, the tough disappear like a ghost in the night. Please. You know how he likes to sulk in dark corners –”
That tears it! “I was not sulking!” I stretch lazily, finally sitting up in bed. One day, that engraving featuring my name will show up on a gurney. “For your information, I was very concerned about –” My lover? My friend? What? “– you. Those flowers were everywhere, and I didn't know –” I didn't know.
“No, you didn't,” Rodney said quietly. “No one knew. I mean, there were very pretty flowers in a vast array of colors, and I did come somewhat prepared.” He rubbed at his nose; at some point during my nap, the oxygen had been removed, further proving Rodney is fine.
“Yes,” Teyla agreed. “Some were quite exquisite. In fact, I brought a bouquet just for you, Rodney.”
“What?! Are you crazy?”
“Kanaan loves them,” Teyla said, amusement in her sparkling eyes.
Slouching back under the covers, McKay pouted. “Oh ha ha.”
Carson moved into my field of vision. “How are ya, lad?”
“Fine.” What else was I gonna say? Honestly, I was stalling for time before he took my vitals. My heart is hammering away as I listen to Rodney's incessant complaining. God, I missed that annoying man! I take several deep breaths to calm down.
“I'll be the judge of that, Colonel. Your blood sugar was so low, it's a wonder you didn't pass out sooner.” Without missing a beat, Carson jots down notes in one hand, taking my pulse with the other. Such smooth, practiced movements, I barely notice the tsking. “I'm quite upset with you, John. You will be staying the evening.”
“Doc–” Seriously. I should know better. But, no. I try to withstand Doctor Carson Beckett's Laser Blue Stare once again, and find myself shrinking into the bed.
“Hush. Dinner is on the way.”
I feel my stomach flip at the announcement. Beckett's glare is replaced by Rodney's, which is burning a hole in the side of my face. Turning on my side, I face everyone, sighing. “Yeah, fine.” I'm glad I'm not wearing scrubs at the moment; usually the first thing I wake up in is a set of scrubs of varying colors.
Elizabeth suddenly looks motherly and concerned as she stands next to my bed. “We'll let you both get some rest,” she said, not so subtly suggesting everyone leave. The visitors waved and said their goodbyes.
As soon as Carson left our area, I threw back the covers, jumped out of my bed, and into his. I didn't realize that his arms were open until they wrapped around me. Putting my head on his broad shoulder, I sigh in relief, ignoring his comments about my bony limbs. I'm really not that skinny. Seriously.
“You know you can't stay here,” he whispers. “And I really don't want you to get into anymore trouble.”
“I'm not in trouble, Rodney.” Listening to his heartbeat, I feel his arms tighten around me.
“You know, all the time we've been... whatever... You've never been this needy.”
“Not needy.” I can't seem to keep the whine out of my voice.
Sturdy, gentle fingers lift my chin. I close my eyes against the brightness of his blue, blue eyes. He kisses me deeply, stealing my breath away. “Go to sleep,” he commands.
But I can't. We both know this needs to be under wraps for just a little longer.
Despite my efforts to leave, his strong arms tighten around me once more. In his subtle way, Rodney lets me know that we can deal with this. There are far worse things in this galaxy, hell, two galaxies than two men in a... thing.
As the infirmary comes to life with the changing shift, I close my eyes, feeling tiny kisses in my hair.
oOoOoOo
The end.