Chapter Text
Your little scuffle with your stardust had left you weak. Weaker than you can remember being, before.
(The King staring at you in your final moments, again and again and again and again. Blood and stars. Tears and time.)
You let out a shuddering breath, tired, nearly a wheeze. Your stardust – Siffrin, (there wasn't any need to cover up the truth, now.) stared, gazed into your eyes with a knowing and sad look.
You looked up, away from him, into the Tree. Sunlight filtered through it and you swore you saw it glimmer. More tears prickle at the corner of your eyes. You laugh gently, and in your peripheral vision, you see tears prickle in his own eye.
“Stardust,” he focuses on you. What's left. (who's the stardust, now?)
“Siffrin. You have to talk to them, from now on.” Another shaky sigh wisps from you.
“If I come back here because you couldn't talk to them, about..about our feelings, I'll…”
It's getting harder to push words out, now, you note dully. They nod, however. A tear falls onto your face, and it sizzles and burns away.
You want to laugh. You want to cry. You don't want to go. You want to be free.
You breathe in.
“Siffr-”
“Loop… Siffrin.” You flinch slightly at the genuine acknowledgement. Shaky exhale.
You look into their eyes, now, and wipe his eye before it can fall and burn again. His own breath shudders, and his face screws up.
They lay onto what remains of your body, and gently, you pat his back. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, for everything, Loop.”
“Hey,” you choke out. “I'm … this isn't goodbye, okay?” the tears in your eyes betray you. “I… I'll need to give your coin back. And… and meet your party. In better circumstances. And…..”
Your hands grip onto his cloak, and they slowly phase through. “I promise. I'm going to see you again.”
He leans above you, and cards a hand through…your..… hair. Of course. A supernova, til the end. You had burnt up. A wet laugh escapes you.
“Super promise?” he shakes, imperceptibly.
“Super duper promise, Siffrin.”
The last of your will drains. You feel your energy, your light, slip away, and you feel peace.
[You wish for rest.]
You are in a dark void.
There is no sound, but you feel yourself walking. You cannot see, but some 6th sense leads you to a star. What you think is one, anyway.
It is standing alone. It has a body that you know, filled with galaxies and worlds you could not wrap your head around. Its head is expressionless, faceless– and it has its back turned to you.
You feel a heat, an anger, turn in your stomach. You did not know why you were angry.
You feel your body tense up, and belatedly you realize you are no longer controlling yourself.
You lunge, and you bite.
-
[You dreamt of tearing yourself limb from limb. You feel sick.]
You blink heavily. The Sun (???) glares at you, and you glare back, turning to your side. you feel prickles on your legs and you shut your eyes harshly, covering them in any way you can. You feel a soft fabric touch your hands, although muted, as you do so. It's nice.
And, suddenly…
“Ah, Siffrin!!”
Enter Mirabelle. Your heart. Stops.
You get up. Your legs wobble as you sway into a standing position. Your hands are clammy and you can't breathe.
You're not. You're not supposed to. Be here.
She barrels on with a script you can't even remember anymore, “Huh??? Siffrin, were you…”
You brace yourself.
“TAKING A NAP???”
and. you.
laugh
ha
haha
ahahahaah
HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HhahaahaHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
tears. pour out of you as you laugh and collapse to the ground, pulling your hat over your ears. your body trembles.
you cant hear mira anymore. you dont think you want to. its her, alright. yours. (disgusting disgusting disgusting, si- Loop, don't call her that–) her bow is.. smaller, you remember glancing up at your copy's for a split second, acknowledging that they could never be yours, and that they weren't–
you feel strong hands grip your shoulders and shake you. despite yourself, you flinch, and they leave. your hands reach out shakily, and you can't see, but she gingerly grabs it, taking it in both of her hands. you wail.
Her touch grounds you slightly, and you hear her voice cut through the fog. “Oh, oh, Siffrin…? Siffrin, what happened? Did you have a nightmare?”
A sob escapes you and you shake harder. Her hands grip yours slightly harder in response. “Mira,” you whine, and you have no sense to be embarrassed. “Mira. Mira, Mira, I'm,” you hiccup, “I'm so sorry,”
Your eyes are screwed shut, but she taps your shoulder. “Hey, hey, hey…” There's no doubt in your mind that she is confused to the Universe and back, and you feel guilt wrap its ugly hands around your neck. She shouldn't have to deal with this.
…But you're selfish. You need this, you need anything, and stars, you missed her so much.
“Siffrin, Siffrin… shhh, hey.” She squeezes your hand, once, twice, three times. You wearily open your eye.
“There you are!” Her eyebrows are pinched in concern, but her expression is heartbreakingly gentle, and you feel more tears form against your will. It's her.
“U-um, I'd ask you if you should do that breathing thing you do, but.. I think you need… I think I should help you. I think you need help, so..”
You giggle, and her eyebrows furrow. But she doesn't say anything, and her expression softens again.
This time, she grabs both hands, and places them right next to her heart. “Okay!!!! If I remember correctly, breaaaaathe in,” she orders, and you close your eyes and do so.
Your breath stutters a bit from your hyperventilating earlier, but it could have been worse. You hold it.
“You remembered! Okay, one, two, three, four, and outttt,” she exhales with you.
You both repeat the process a few times, and your shaking slowly dissipates. You blink the remaining tears out of your eyes.
“Siffrin…” you look up at her, nervous. “Um, I know you don't like touch, but it always helps me!! So, um, would you like a hug?”
You feel tears well in your eyes again
“Um!!!!!! You don't have to–”
and you barrel into her.
She inhales from the impact, but laughs, and you feel your body shake from laying on her as she does it. Tentatively, she wraps her arms around you, and you wrap your arms around her, extra tight!!!!
“Oh, Siffrin, if I didn't know any better–”
“I do,” and shame pools in your stomach from interrupting her, but you keep going. “Sorry. Um. I always. Um. Have? Liked touch, that is. That's what I you were going to say, right..?”
You look up at her, and she looks.. confused. Figures. “But.. the flinching?”
You shake your head. “Wasn't used to it. Still not. But. Um. I figured I'd tell you. I didn't know when I should have, it felt. Awkward? Like I was.. um. Desperate. But it was starting to drive me crazy, I think.”
“Oh, Siffrin,”
You grimace. “Sorry, Mira.”
She brings a hand up and slowly, slowly puts it on your cheek. “Is this.. is this okay?”
You feel the back of your throat sting, and you swallow. “Mira, I'm gonna cry again.”
“Oops!!!! Um!” she takes the hand away, and you frown deeply. She rifles in her skirt's pocket, though, and fetches out a small bottle. She peels your arms away from her with a giggle, and sets the bottle in your hands. “Not without rehydrating, silly!”
Your eyes water, however, the simple gesture already wrecking you. Your mind is fried from being Loop, and Siffrin, and Siffrin again, but you focus yourself to focus on her. You drink it without much fanfare, and put it back on the ground.
It's quiet.
…
“Um.” you start. “Mira.”
“Yeah?”
“I… I'm sorry. For crying and freaking out and. Um.” the whole event already feels fuzzy in your brain, your brain already storing it away for later processing. Or whatever.
“Aw, Siffrin! Don't worry, we all have our rough moments! I'm glad I could help. But, uh? If you don't mind, can I ask what happened? Was it a nightmare? Did I.. say something?”
You whip your head back and forth quickly. No, no! Of course not! Well. Not really. “Um. I.. can we…” your hands shake, despite yourself. Later. Never. You want to take this to your 327 graves. But…
“If I come back here because you couldn't talk to them, about..about our feelings, I'll…”
You made yourself promise. So. You suppose it's your promise too. You owe it to them.
Also, you'd rather not turn into a 6 story building and stab yourself a bunch.
You blink and realize you just. Didn't finish what you were saying. Oopsie~!
“Siffrin, if you're uncomfortable, you don't have to-”
“No. Sorry. I mean, um, sorry, I was thinking. I… can we get the others together? Before tonight. I have something.. really, really important I need to tell you all. And if I don't get it out I think I'll freak out? Um. Worse. Than earlier.”
Her eyes soften. “I can go get Bonnie and Madame, if you wanna get Isabeau? Would you like to go to the Clocktower?”
You shake your head. “Please?”
She grabs your hand. You jump a bit, but she doesn't let go. Thank stars. “We'll meet you there, Siffrin. Whatever it is, we'll be here for you.”
You shouldn't doubt it now, but… you're still nervous.
You wave to her as she goes.
You sit there for a minute, catching your breath and replaying what happened in your head, before hearing a surprised laugh in your head.
[Hey, Loop. Come to the Favor Tree, when you have a second?]