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“Is this really necessary?” Dazai huffed, pouting at Chuuya from where he’d been unceremoniously dumped on his partner’s toilet seat. He couldn’t help but shift in discomfort, ass already going numb from sitting on the hard plastic surface. All the money in the world and Chuuya couldn’t get a more comfortable seat? For shame…
Chuuya levelled an unimpressed glare at the younger teen, “You’re coated in grime from God knows where, I’d rather not risk my furniture getting contaminated by whatever residue you’ve brought in from that shitty toxic dumping ground you call a home. You’re having this bath.” He scoffed, barely paying attention to the copious amounts of bubble bath he was pouring into the tub.
“…You didn’t have to invite me for a sleepover.” He sulked, pointedly avoiding Chuuya’s gaze.
Chuuya shrugged, turning his attention back to the tub, gently pushing the water with his hand to mix in some bath salts and make sure the water wasn’t scalding. Once satisfied, he turned back to Dazai, only to see him glaring at the bath like it had spat on his mother’s grave.
“What’s got you so pissy now?”
“You put salt in it Chuuya.”
“Yeah, and? They’re bath salts, it’s meant to be relaxing.”
“It’s salt! If you’re forcing me to take a bath I don’t want to feel stupid, grainy salt the whole time!” Dazai kicked the air in frustration, tugging at his hair harshly. It was as if even the imagined sensation was enough to send him into a meltdown.
“Oi! Cut it out!” Chuuya hissed, hands deceptively gentle as he untangled Dazai’s hands from his bunched up hair. “You won’t feel anything Dazai, it dissolves into the water. I got the fine grained stuff that dissolves faster, feel for yourself.” He nudged the bandaged teen encouragingly.
Dazai dipped his toe into the freshly drawn bath with all the hesitance of a water-hating cat, then immediately leapt back with an undignified squeal.
“Too hot!” He yelped, voice pitching to a tone so shrill Chuuya could barely hear it.
Dipping his wrist into the water, Chuuya gave Dazai a judgemental glance. Was it really too hot for him? It was colder than any of Chuuya’s baths normally were…
The bandaged boy eyed the bubble bath with distrust, and it quickly became apparent that he would not be getting in unless something was done about the temperature. Chuuya silently thanked whatever deity was listening that Dazai didn’t seem to be fussed about the bath salts anymore, as cooling the temperature was a much easier task than convincing his partner that the salt wouldn’t leave a bad texture behind. Small blessings, and all that.
Carefully adding some cold water to the tub, he swished it around to mix it in.
“This okay?” He asked, much more subdued than he normally would be. He knew that if he wanted to have any chance of getting his stinky mackerel partner in the tub, he’d have to be a lot more patient and accommodating with him.
Eyeing the water distrustfully, Dazai dipped his hand in this time. His head tilted to the side as he realised that it didn’t feel nearly as horrendous as he thought it would. He pulled back from the water, using his wet hand to spin Chuuya until he was facing away from him so that he could strip off and get in. Chuuya couldn’t help the aghast sound that slipped out of him as he felt the now damp shoulder of his nice clothes cling to his skin. He went to turn back around and give the mackerel a piece of his mind when he heard the soft thud of clothes dropping to the floor.
Oh.
Yeah, that would explain it.
Fists clenched, he stayed resolutely staring at the door, not wanting to move a muscle until he heard the other boy get in the bath.
Sure enough, he soon heard the telltale sound of splashing water, unable to help the small twinge of satisfaction in his chest as he could hear Dazai physically relax. Silently, he waited for the brunet to tell him when it was okay for him to look back.
The water sloshed quietly as Dazai slowly adjusted himself so that only his head was visible above the water. “The slug can turn back around now.” He mumbled, barely avoiding a mouthful of bubbles. Chuuya was slightly taken aback by the lack of bandages around his head — Dazai never took those ones off. He shook his head to rid himself of any distracted thoughts; he couldn’t afford to waste any time pondering his partner’s uncovered eye.
Taking a quick breath, Chuuya brought out a small wooden stool to sit next to the bath. He took a moment to look over the tub, glad to see that the brunet was already relaxing amidst the foamy bubbles.
“Why do you need a bathtub this big?” Dazai snorted, “I’m surprised you haven’t drowned in it yet.”
“Why you—!” Chuuya growled, just barely holding himself back from whacking the annoying bastard round the head. His bathtub was a perfectly normal size, thank you very much! Lord knew Dazai would be complaining about it being cramped if it were any smaller.
Rolling his eyes as his partner devolved into giggles, Chuuya gently chucked a damp flannel at the man to get his attention. Letting out a startled yelp, it took Dazai a moment to realise he could just pick it up off his face, doing so with a disgruntled huff.
“Chuuya’s so mean to me!” He whined, petulantly kicking so that the water would spill over the side of the tub.
“Mhm… sure.” Chuuya hummed dismissively, grabbing a bottle from the foot of the tub. “Now, would you like to wash your hair first, or your body?”
“…Hair.”
“Yeah? And would you rather do it yourself or can I do it for you?”
Dazai stared at the wall facing away from Chuuya, in a poor attempt to hide his abashed expression. “…Chuuya can do it.” He mumbled.
“Hmm? What was that?”
“I said Chuuya can do it!” He slumped further down into the bath until the water was up to his nose, barely giving himself room to breathe as he glared at the ginger. Chuuya couldn’t help but note that he looked so much more expressive with both eyes visible.
“Thank you,” he grinned cheekily, “sit up then, I can’t exactly wash your hair if half of it is hidden behind bubbles now, can I?” He reached over to a nearby cabinet, grabbing a jug.
Dazai pulled a face, squinting at the translucent plastic. “What’s that for?” He asked, silently inching away— well, inching away as well as he could whilst stuck in a bathtub.
“It’s a jug.” Chuuya deadpanned, silently wondering if his partner was more sheltered than he let on.
“I know that!” Dazai snapped, “I meant why do you have it out now?!”
“…to wash your hair with?”
“I thought—“ Dazai coughed, accidentally choking on his own spit, “I thought that was what the shower head was for?”
“No…? I mean, if the bath was a bit shallower then maybe, but as it stands I doubt much more water would fit in there without it overflowing.”
“…But I thought you said I was, and I quote, ‘coated in grime’. Wouldn’t reusing water from the bath just get me even dirtier?”
“No Dazai, I was being hyperbolic. You aren’t actually coated in grime—“
“But what if bathing makes me dirtier?! Chuuya you’ve made me sit in a soup of whatever dirt was on me! Gross! Bad dog!” Dazai flailed dramatically in the water, causing Chuuya to have to duck out of the way to avoid being soaked.
“Dazai! Stop it! You’re getting water everywhere!” He yelled, to no avail, “If it bothers you that much then you can have a shower tomorrow! God, I thought you didn’t care about shit like that, what the hell?”
Dazai settled down, grinning like a cat that had caught far more than its fair share of canaries, “Oh, I don’t! Annoying Chuuya was just too hard to resist.”
Chuuya could practically feel his eye twitch, “Right… besides, do you really think baths would be a thing if they were that bad?”
“I dunno Chuuya, I’d say I’m more grimy than the average person, so maybe it’d be worse for me. You wouldn’t know.” Dazai sniffed, holding his head up haughtily.
“God— are you actually upset about that?” No response, “Urgh— Fine, I’m sorry for calling you grimy, Mackerel. Can we please get around to actually washing you now? Ane-san said you’re only supposed to spend like— thirty minutes in the bath, or your skin will dry out. We’ve wasted enough time already.”
Dazai scoffed, “Fine! But Chuuya can deal with it in the morning when my grime gets everywhere!”
“Dazai!”
Before Chuuya could throttle him, Dazai childishly threw himself backwards into the water so that his hair was completely submerged. Though not without casualty.
“Argh- Dazai you got suds in my eyes, what the hell!?”
“Whoops.” He snickered, not looking very sorry at all.
Chuuya reached blindly for a nearby towel, wiping his face with a scowl — “Fucking ass…” he grumbled.
Tired of messing around, he immediately reached into the water, threading his fingers through Dazai’s now-wet hair. He couldn’t help but notice how nice the strands felt against his fingers as they rested on the waters surface, mentally likening the brown tresses to silk. Fortunately for him, Dazai seemed satisfied with his previous torment, allowing him to do as he needed without any fuss.
“Lift your head for me?” Chuuya asked quietly, not wanting to tarnish the comforting quiet that had fallen over them. He gave the back of Dazai’s head a soft nudge when he didn’t respond. The other man whined quietly, slowly pulling himself up with a disappointed frown. Chuuya helped push him up by his back until he was sat upright again, “That’s it… good. Stay like that for a minute? That’s good.” He cooed.
Dazai blinked, head feeling fuzzy. He barely registered the feeling of shampoo being kneaded into his hair before a hand under his chin encouraged him to tilt his head back. A broken hum of acknowledgement parsed through his lips as he let himself be adjusted as needed, eyes slipping shut. Was he always this exhausted? Attempting to open his eyes again felt like a Herculean task, as if the weight of all those sleepless nights were coming back to haunt him.
A hand was placed against his forehead, just below his hairline. Before he even had the chance to wonder why, he felt the warm sensation of water cascading through his hair and down his back, rinsing the shampoo from his hair. His head was tilted to the left, and the process repeated again. Then again, for his right. Right when he thought it was done, a flannel was pushed into his hands, and his hands brought up to cover his eyes. A firm guiding hand gently pushed his head down, and he just barely managed to press the flannel right up to his face before the next rush of water was sent over his head. Unfortunately for him, the water didn’t seem to want drip right off him, leaving him spluttering as he was unlucky enough to get some in his mouth.
“Chuuya’s trying to drown me!” He whined as he was sat back up, “You’re so mean Chuuya!”
“Quit the dramatics, you’re fine…” Chuuya grumbled, taking the time to wipe Dazai’s face clear of any remaining water. “See? Good as new.”
Dazai grumbled something incomprehensible to even himself, yet allowed Chuuya to gently push him back once more.
In Dazai’s opinion, the second round of shampoo went much better than the first, though that might just be because Chuuya was a lot more careful to not let any water get in his mouth that time.
“Right,” Chuuya clapped his hands together, “Now we just need the conditioner, then you can use this sponge to wash yourself while I sort out everything else, and then we should be done.”
“Conditioner?” Dazai tilted his head in confusion.
“Yes, conditioner…” when the blank look on Dazai’s face persisted, a feeling of horror dawned on Chuuya. “Dazai, please tell me you know what conditioner is.”
“Of course I know what conditioner is!” He snapped. Chuuya gave him a look, clearly not believing him. “It’s— y’know— the stuff that’s not shampoo in my 2-in-1?”
Chuuya was going to have an aneurysm.
“God you’re so— how do you even get your hair so nice if you don’t— what the hell Dazai?! Y’know what? Just stay quiet and let me do this, m’kay? No more talking.” Chuuya gripped the side of the bathtub harshly.
Wisely, Dazai decided to stay silent. Instead he picked up the bottle that was adequately labelled as ‘conditioner’, and placed it in front of Chuuya as some kind of peace offering. He figured that the sooner they got this over with, the sooner Chuuya would forget about it. Then he could look up everything there was to know about conditioner and whatever else so that if Chuuya ever brought this up again he could pretend he was playing dumb. It was a perfect plan. Mostly perfect, at least… if only it didn’t sound so boring. He knew it was a hair thing! It was just… he didn’t really get why he apparently needed it. He’d always thought it was optional, something for people who really cared about their hair (a group he was most certainly not a part of).
With a loud sigh, as if he had to make it known that he was still annoyed, Chuuya picked up the bottle of conditioner and ordered Dazai to stay still. Dazai couldn’t help but cringe at the texture of conditioner in his hair, deciding it was much more unpleasant than the shampoo. The second Chuuya’s hands left his head, he went to dip his head back in the water, jug be damned, only to be held in place.
Noticing the glare Dazai sent his way, Chuuya sighed. “You have to leave it in for a bit, Mackerel. Give it time to work.”
Unfortunately, this only lead to Dazai intensifying the heat of his glare. He didn’t want to wait, he wanted the gross feeling out of his hair as soon as possible.
“Here,” Chuuya passed him a sponge, “if you quickly wash yourself now, by the time you’re done we’ll be able to rinse it all out.”
Dazai stuck his tongue out at him, reaching at the body wash until Chuuya pushed it into grabbing distance. Wasting no time, he squeezed an oversized dollop onto the sponge, and got to work scrubbing.
Chuuya averted his gaze, making himself busy by gathering up some towels to soak up the water that had spilt over the edge of the tub. Thankfully, he hadn’t decided to add anything that would change the colour of the bath water, else he was certain his bathroom would look like a crime scene.
“Tell me when you’re done, Mackerel.” He reminded his partner, holding up two towels in an attempt to determine which would be better for drying his partner, and which could be left to the floor. Pressing one to his cheek, then the other, he soon nodded and placed the softer one back on the towel rack.
Just when he was about to get concerned that the Mackerel had somehow managed to drown himself when he wasn’t looking, Dazai piped up with a hurried “Done! Can you get this stuff out of my hair now?!”
By now, half of the bubbles had dissipated or dispersed, so there was little left to cover up Dazai’s bare skin, but Chuuya attempted to keep his gaze firmly above shoulder height, so as to respect his partner’s privacy. Silently, he grabbed the plastic jug and instructed Dazai to lean back slightly. He made quick work of the conditioner, running his fingers through Dazai’s wet hair to make sure that it had been thoroughly cleansed.
“Alright, out you get, fish-for-brains.” He pulled a shocked Dazai up into a sitting position by his arm before pulling the plug out of the drain.
“Huh?! Stupid Slug, I wanted to stay in here longer!” Dazai whined, looking mournfully at the swirling water at the foot of the tub. He splashed the quickly draining water in Chuuya’s direction, grumbling something about revenge, but the ginger swiftly blocked it from touching him with the stool he’d stood up from.
“Hey! Dazai, quit it!” He hissed, despairing at even more water spilling onto the floor, “I thought you didn’t like baths? Something about them being ‘a soup of whatever dirt was on you’?”
“Yeah, but that was before!” He pouted, “I didn’t think that the stuff you put in here would actually feel relaxing! I’ve never felt so comfortable in my life!”
Chuuya stared at him in disbelief, before groaning in frustration and running his hands down his face.
“Look…” He started, pressing his tongue against his cheek as a he tried to figure out how to word his next sentence in a way that wouldn’t have Dazai whining at him for the next half hour. “I… am sorry that you couldn’t spend longer in the bath, I didn’t realise you’d like it so much.”
“And?” Dazai sniffed, crossing his arms.
“But,” Chuuya emphasised, “I did warn you that you wouldn’t be able to stay in there long, did I not?”
“No!”
“Yes I did!”
“Nuh-uh!” Dazai blew a raspberry at him.
“Yuh-huh!” Chuuya responded in kind.
“When?!”
“When I said that Ane-san told me you could only be in there for thirty minutes!”
“Well— uh— I don’t remember that so it doesn’t count!”
“What the hell— whatever. I’m going to go get you some clean clothes, you better be out by the time I get back.” Chuuya stormed out of the room, slightly playing up his annoyance. Don’t get him wrong, he was definitely annoyed, but it was almost… fun… to play into it — at least it was when it was with Dazai. Though he supposed his partner had the advantage there, as he’d never really gotten the chance to mess around like that with anyone else.
Now, where were those clothes…
-
“Chuuyaaaaa?” Dazai whined, drawing out the end of his name for as long as he could.
Chuuya hummed in acknowledgment, hardly sparing Dazai a glance from where he was sorting out some fresh bandages and the pyjamas he’d found. They weren’t a pair Dazai had brought himself (because the bastard didn’t bring anything), but they were big on him and Dazai wasn’t that much taller, so they’d probably fit him, right?
“Too tired…” Dazai groaned, flopping his arms and legs uselessly, “lift me!”
That got Chuuya’s attention.
“Hah?!” He almost turned to look at Dazai on instinct, but remembered last second that the man was vulnerably underdressed — especially without his bandages — and managed to curb his knee-jerk response. The last thing he needed right now was to accidentally violate Dazai’s privacy. Even if the younger didn’t care right now, the guilt would probably eat Chuuya alive before morning.
“Chuuyaaaa! Carry me, I’m too tired to get up and walk!”
“Like hell you are!”
“Please?”
Chuuya almost choked on air. He’d never heard his partner say please before. Never. Was he really that desperate to be carried?!
Cautiously, Chuuya reached into the now empty tub, somehow managing to scoop up his partner bridal-style without looking anywhere below his neck. He attempted to sit the man on the stool he still had out, but Dazai clung to him like an octopus.
“Noooo… Chuuya don’t put me down! If you put me down I’ll be stuck. I’ll never be able to move again!” He wailed dramatically.
Chuuya rolled his eyes, biting his lip so he didn’t snap at the other teen, “I need to put you down Dazai, how else are you meant to put your bandages and clothes on?”
“Can’t Chuuya do that for me?” Dazai looked up at Chuuya and batted his eyelashes. As if that would ever work on—
“I— uh— huh?” Chuuya spluttered, face going a deep shade of scarlet. Dazai hadn’t ever let him so much as touch his bandages before — he’d heard horror stories from the grunts outside Mori’s office that the last time someone had tried to get at Dazai’s bandages, they had been sent to a Mafia-owned hospital needing treatment for a human bite wound. They’d needed stitches.
“I don’t wanna waste my precious energy putting my bandages back on, ergo, my doggie should do it for me!” Ah. Now that sounded more like Dazai.
“No, Dazai. I’m not putting your bandages on for you, and quit calling me your dog!”
“Please…?” He batted his eyelashes even more. Unfortunately for him, Chuuya would never fall for the same trick twice!
-
Half an hour later a very dishevelled looking Chuuya (and a very smug looking Dazai) emerged from the bathroom. Dazai’s bandages looked like a much softer brand than usual, and were immaculately wrapped around his limbs and eye. Sure he was wearing a pair of silk pyjamas that were clearly a size too small, but it was very obvious that Dazai was not the one who’d lost their battle of wills. He was practically glowing.
“What now?” He asked, plopping himself down on the sofa cross legged.
Chuuya grabbed a mug from the kitchen, scouring his fridge for milk. “Hm? Whaddya mean ‘what now’?” He asked, distracted as he grabbed for a bar of chocolate from the far back corner of his cupboard. “It’s a sleepover, we’re gonna do… sleepover stuff.” He shrugged. “Hot chocolate?”
Dazai almost refused, but paused. Chuuya looked back to see a face of heavy consideration, as if he were making one of the most important decisions of his life and not… well, deciding whether he wanted hot chocolate or not.
“Do you have whipped cream?”
“Mhm. Why? D’you want some in yours?”
“…and marshmallows?” The bandaged teen looked much more his age than he ever did, Chuuya would almost go as far to say the brunet looked bashful. Normally he would’ve teased his partner about it, but he was feeling nice that evening. It was rare for Dazai to actually ask for anything, especially relating to food, so it was nice to see him voice his wants for once. It put Chuuya in a more generous mood.
“I can get you whipped cream and marshmallows, yeah.” He hummed, grabbing another mug from the cupboard. It was a blue, fish themed mug — a gag gift from the flags when he’d first been given his apartment, but the only time it ever saw use was when Dazai came over. At that point it might as well have been Dazai’s mug, not that Chuuya was complaining. The mug was ugly as hell, and also the only thing he ever saw Dazai drink from (when he wasn’t sneaking into bars).
Chuuya thought Dazai was being oddly well behaved, having not made any witty quips since they’d left the bathroom, but decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth. Sure, that probably meant worse things to come for future him, but at that moment he just wanted to relish in the peace.
Fortunately, the hot chocolate didn’t take too long to prepare. Carefully balancing the overly-full mugs in his hands, he made his way to the sofa, settling in next to Dazai.
Dazai pulled a face, grabbing his mug from Chuuya with far less caution. “Why didn’t you use your ability? Surely that would’ve been easier.” He took a small sip of his drink, relishing in the intense sweet taste.
“Probably would’ve been, but I didn’t want to risk you nullifying tainted, leaving me to mop up a chocolatey mess.” Chuuya reached for the TV remote, flicking through channels as he took a gulp of his own drink. He had a modest amount of whipped cream, with shavings of white chocolate adorning it. Still rather sweet, but much tamer in contrast with Dazai’s cavity-inducing beverage.
For a moment it looked like Dazai wanted to protest his innocence, but seemed to think better of it when he caught a glimpse of his partner’s face. He instead leaned back into the couch, grumbling something about a ‘stupid dog’.
A few minutes passed in silence, the only sounds being the brief seconds played of each program they skipped past. Nothing seemed interesting to the duo. It probably would’ve been better for them to check out one of the streaming services they Chuuya had subscribed to, but they were both too stubborn to give up on trying to find something on regular tv.
…
“Chuuya?” Dazai finally broke, tired of twiddling his thumbs in boredom.
“Yeah?”
“…How can a bath dry your skin out? It’s water. Water makes things wet.” He crinkled his nose in confusion, as if he were genuinely baffled by the concept.
“What?”
“Well, you said earlier that it did, and I want to know why.”
Chuuya sighed, deciding that pressing further would be a waste of time.
“I’m… not entirely sure, but I’m pretty sure Ane-san mentioned something about the bath salts.”
“But— wait, does that mean Chuuya gave me a salt bath so it would be cut short on purpose?! Bad doggie!”
“No, I did it so you could relax for once. Now, for the last time, quit calling me your dog!”
Dazai sniffed in offence. “…Fine. Just for tonight though, since Chuuya did a good job with these drinks, and if he was my dog tonight then he wouldn’t be able to drink his, because dogs can’t drink hot chocolate, and that would just be too cruel.” He conceded.
“…Sure, whatever makes you happy, weirdo.” The older teen sighed, turning his focus back to the tv.
He only got past about three channels before Dazai piped up again, “Okay, but seriously. How does water dry out your skin? It’s water! That makes it, like, the antithesis of dryness!”
Chuuya shrugged, “If you’re that determined to know, look it up. You have your phone on you, don’t you?”
“Yeah, but it’s a flip phone. Can only use it to message people.”
“…Of course it is. Hold on.” Chuuya stood with a quiet groan, placing his drink on the nearby coffee table.
“Where are you going?”
Chuuya didn’t bother to answer, too busy focusing on his ability as he used it to sift through some boxes. Once it was clear that he wouldn’t find what he was looking for, he clicked his tongue in displeasure, making his way into another room.
Dazai tried to focus on whatever had been left playing on tv — some boring old comedy that was clearly past its prime — but the clattering noises ringing through the apartment were far too loud to ignore. He was just about to get up himself and ask Chuuya what the hell he was searching for when the noise suddenly stopped.
“Aha!” A small shuffling sound came from the other room before a red blur shot over to the sofa and an old touchscreen phone dropped into Dazai’s lap. He poked at it curiously, almost dropping it in surprise when the home screen popped up without him having to enter a passcode.
Chuuya flopped back down on the couch with a smug grin, hot chocolate back in hand. “You can look it up on that.” He commented when he noticed Dazai staring.
“Oh. Uh… thanks?”
“Mm… Your welcome. I haven’t used it, a friend gifted it to me without realising I already had one, and I hardly need two phones, do I? So you can have it if you want. Doesn’t have a SIM card or anythin’ though, so don’t try messaging off it.”
“…Chuuya you can’t just give me your old phone.”
“It’s not my ‘old phone’, I’ve never used it!”
“That’s not the point!?”
“Okay, then don’t keep it! Nobody’s forcing you to!” Chuuya threw his hands up sulkily. Dazai thought he seemed oddly upset about not having his phone taken, but Chuuya had always been a little odd.
After a few moments of quiet, Dazai rolled his eyes. “You’re so weird, Slug.” He mumbled, squinting at the too-bright screen as he typed in his question.
“Like you’re any better.” Chuuya returned to flicking through the channels, skipping through so swiftly that half of them didn’t even get a chance to play anything.
After about five minutes of mindlessly flicking through channels, Chuuya finally let his curiosity get the better of him, silently shutting the tv off so as to be able to better hear what the hell Dazai was mumbling about.
“I don’t get it!” The younger burst out suddenly. He pressed his finger against the screen harshly, scrutinising whatever he was reading with a glare worthy of one referred to as ‘The Black Wraith of the Port Mafia’.
Chuuya leaned forward, more than a little curious as to what had gotten his friend partner so riled up, “What don’t you get?”
“These bullshit articles!” The bandaged teen threw his head back in frustration, looking like he was only barely refraining from chucking the phone across the room.
“Bullshit…?”
“Yeah! It’s all bullshit, Chuuya! Most of them aren’t even answering what I’m asking.” He huffed, “Then I found one website where they did, but they’re just talking out their asses! Using their fancy bath terms to confuse innocent people, such as yours truly, who just want to learn more about the bathing industry—“
“Bathing industry?” Chuuya barked out a laugh, “Besides, since when have you been innocent?”
“Since always, Slug!”
“You’re a renowned mafia member, I’d hardly call that the trait of someone innocent.” He scoffed, taking a sip of his hot chocolate, frowning as he realised that he’d somehow already drained most of the mug whilst channel-hopping.
“…Right.” Dazai pulled a face, looking as if he’d bitten into something rotten. “They have no way of knowing that though! As far as these sites are concerned, I may as well be a regular old law abiding citizen with a completely innocuous question about dry skin and baths.”
Chuuya shook his head with an unwittingly fond grin, knowing there was no winning this debate. “Mhm, and what are some of these ‘fancy terms’ you find so hostile to innocent citizens such as yourself?”
Dazai stayed silent, opting to glare at the phone.
“Dazai?”
“…”
“Mackerel?”
“…”
“Osamu?”
“…exfoliate?”
Chuuya couldn’t help the laughter that escaped him, barely able to put his mug down before he doubled over, clutching desperately at his sides.
Dazai, on the other hand, didn’t find what he’d said very humorous at all. Seriously, how was he meant to know what exfoliate meant?! He thought that was a beauty and make-up thing, not anything to do with baths!
“Chuuyaaaa…” he whined, kicking at the other teen as he cackled.
By the time Chuuya finally calmed himself down enough to hold back more laughter, Dazai had sunk down deep enough into the sofa that it seemed he was about to get lost between to cushions. Chuuya tried to reach out to pull him back up, but his hand was batted away with a glare.
“Alright Dazai, I’m… sorry… for laughing.” Chuuya almost added a ‘mostly’, but bit his tongue. He could be the mature one when needed (Kouyou had made sure of that). “I just… wasn’t expecting you to not know what exfoliate meant.”
“Chuuya’s stupid.” Dazai sulked, though he did push himself back up, “Besides, that wasn’t the only thing that made no sense!”
“Oh yeah, what else was there?”
“…I’m not saying.”
“Why? Because there are none?”
“No! It’s because— uh… because Chuuya will laugh at me again!” He pointed an accusatory finger at the shorter teen.
“What if I promise not to?
“Don’t care! Chuuya’s a liar so he’ll laugh anyway.”
Chuuya scoffed, but spoke no words in his defence.
“Also! What would be the point in sharing with Chuuya since clearly he doesn’t know either!”
“Excuse me— I do too!”
This time it was Dazai’s turn to laugh, “Oh yeah? Then why don’t you explain it?”
“Explain what? Exfoliation?”
“Yeah! If Chuuya’s so clever he should explain to dumb old Dazai—“
“Hold on, I did not call you dumb!”
“—what exfoliation is!”
The duo stared at each other, neither willing to let this go just yet. Dazai had a determined glare, whilst Chuuya looked almost gobsmacked.
“Dazai—“
“Chuuya.”
“I’m not explaining exfoliation to you.”
“Yeah! Because you don’t know what it means either!”
“I do! Ane-san taught me ages ago! I just don’t feel like wasting any energy repeating it to you. Especially when you’ll go out of your way to forget it later because the information isn’t useful to you.”
“Fine!”
“Fine.”
“Fine!”
The teens settled back into the sofa grumpily, Dazai sipping at his slowly cooling hot chocolate and Chuuya glaring at the blank tv screen. The silence weighed heavily on their shoulders, only interrupted by the occasional aggrieved huff from either party and loud slurping noises from Dazai, as if he were trying to be annoying even whilst he drank.
An obnoxious amount of slurping later, the boys finally grew tired of the silence, their boredom overpowering their frustration with each other.
“So… when’d you turn the tv off?” Dazai asked awkwardly, his head tilted in a way that tempted Chuuya to call him a dog.
“Oh, uh, around the time I asked what you were mumbling about? So not too long ago.”
“…Right, so nothing interesting is on?”
“Nope, not even a little.”
“Well this sucks,” Dazai sighed. “Hirotsu-san told me that watching shitty movies together was key to a good sleepover…”
“Hirotsu?”
“Yeah! I asked him before coming ‘cause I didn’t know what to expect, and he’s the oldest guy I know — so I figured that, since he has the most life experience, he probably has the most knowledge about sleepovers too, right?”
“No, Dazai what—?”
“So I went up to him, yeah? And I asked him, ‘Hey, Hirotsu-san, what do people normally do at sleepovers?’ Of course I couldn’t let him know that I’ve never been to one before, so I told him that I was quizzing him—“
“There is something deeply wrong with you.”
“—and d’you know what he said? He said, ‘Well, I haven’t been to one in quite some time, but I imagine most people would watch films together at a sleepover, Dazai-dono.’” He made a poor imitation Hirotsu’s voice, “So I was like, ‘Yeah, I guess that makes sense.’ Then I realised I’d blown my cover, because who says ‘I guess that makes sense’ about something they know about?”
“Have you taken Boss up on his offer of a therapist yet?”
“No, now stop interrupting me! Right— where was I? Oh yeah! So,” Chuuya let out a groan of despair, which Dazai ignored, “I ran away— no, tactically retreated, and have avoided him as much as possible since, and will continue to do so until I can be absolutely certain that he has forgotten!”
Chuuya pulled a face, “Right… and how long ago was this?”
“Like— the day after you invited me over? Which you never do, I always have to break in, so obviously I had to ask someone trustworthy as soon as possible, another reason I picked Hirotsu-san—“
“Dazai.”
“Right! So— uh… if you invited me on… and then I saw Hirotsu-san the day after… I’d say about a month ago? Give or take a week?”
Chuuya coughed on his drink, “You’ve been ignoring the old man for a month?!”
“Or three weeks! Or five…”
“Dazai! Oh my—“ he turned to him in disbelief, “Is that why he came up to me the other day asking if I’d seen you?! I thought you were just avoiding work again— what is wrong with you?!”
“Nothing’s wrong with me, Chuuya. You just don’t understand the great machinations of a genius mind like that of my own.” Dazai pouted, arms crossed as he turned away from his partner. Or rather, he attempted to do so, before he remembered the hot beverage in his hands and swiftly righted his position before it could spill.
“God you’re insufferable… you better go find the old man and apologise after this, or I’ll tell him all of your hiding spots.”
“All of them?” Dazai gasped, an exaggerated look of betrayal on his face.
“All of them.”
Dazai let out a sigh of defeat, “…fine, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
“Mhm. I’ll make sure to ask him, and if I find out you haven’t—“
“I already said I will, Chuuya! You’re such a demanding slug sometimes…”
Another uncomfortable silence fell over the two, Dazai tapped absentmindedly at the phone, and Chuuya fiddled with a pen he’d grabbed off the table. By now, both of their drinks were finished, so they had nothing better to distract themselves with.
This time, Chuuya was the one to break the silence.
“Y’know… I have some DVDs. You said watching shitty movies was key to a good sleepover, right? D’you… wanna watch some with me?”
Dazai blinked, “Uh— sure. I guess. It better not be boring though, Slug!”
Chuuya nodded, getting up to grab a film from one of the shelves. It was becoming increasingly clear to him that Dazai was more than a little out of his depth. He… supposed that made sense, there weren’t exactly many other people their age in the mafia, and of the people he’d seen Dazai hanging out with, none of them seemed the type to invite him back for a sleepover. Not that that was a bad thing, in fact Chuuya would probably find it more concerning if they did invite him. Besides, he wanted to be the first person to do things like this with Dazai. It just felt right. Dazai was his partner, he should get to introduce him to new experiences, not some rando he probably met at the bar!
He pulled out the first case he saw, checking the cover to make sure it was something he knew they would both like, then made his way over to the television. He pressed the eject button to make sure there wasn’t a disc already in there, before slotting the new one in. He made a split second decision to grab a fluffy blanket, then headed back to the sofa, sitting closer to Dazai so the soft material would cover them both, and turned the tv on with the remote.
“What’re we watching?” Dazai asked, subconsciously leaning into his partner.
“Some film I got for cheap whilst on a mission, it’s called ‘BEAST’.”
“Never heard of it.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t find much about it online, but it’s supposed to be good.” Chuuya rested his head atop Dazai’s own, hitting play so the movie would actually start. The two fell into a comfortable silence as the opening scene began to play, hands intertwined beneath the blanket — away from prying eyes.
-
By the time the film ended, the duo were fully engrossed. Chuuya barely refrained from yelling at the screen as the credits rolled by about the ending being ‘bullshit’, and how the two main characters deserved better (though he was mostly upset about the treatment of his favourite side character, who’d been locked up in chains by the end of the film). Dazai on the other hand, was too busy fantasising about being in the place of his own favourite to notice Chuuya’s plight. Sure the guy had been rather unlucky, with his friend hating him and all, but his ending? It was all Dazai had ever wanted and he got it so easily! Sure there had been some pretty shit consequences for the other characters, but he’d already planned around that kind of thing for himself, so why was it so much more difficult for him!?
“Hold on, I’m looking this thing up, there has to be more. It can’t just end like that!” Chuuya griped, “I mean, there’s so much that went unanswered! What happened to the weretiger and the coat guy? I mean sure, the guy in the ushanka sent someone after them, but they’re clearly strong enough to take him out! So what, did the world just collapse? Or did Ushanka Guy take care of them himself?!”
“…So jealous…”
“Oh, and what about the boss’s right hand?! He clearly was loyal to the bastard despite him being an asshole, and yet he’s the one that ends up in chains with no compensation for all the bullshit he put up with in the end? How is that fair?! So what if he tried to end the city, it was his shitty boss’s fault for putting him in that position in the first place!”
“It should’ve been me!”
“It should’ve been him!”
Soon running out of things to say, Chuuya reluctantly settled back down, allowing him and Dazai to lean back into each other.
“So… what do we do—“ Dazai cut himself off with a yawn into Chuuya’s shoulder, “—now?” He blinked sleepily.
Chuuya turned his head to face his partner, lips almost brushing the other’s forehead. “Are you tired?” He asked, almost in disbelief.
“No…” Dazai mumbled, struggling to keep his eyes open.
“Holy shit, you’re actually tired… you’re never tired.”
“‘m not! Chuuya’s just being… silly.” He yawned again.
“Sure…” The shorter shifted the blankets off them, much to Dazai’s displeasure. “C’mon Mackerel let’s get you to a proper bed.” He murmured, scooping the lanky teen up into his arms with ease.
“No… wanna stay ‘wake… Chuuya’s a mean dog…” Dazai grumbled, pressing his head against Chuuya’s chest in spite of himself.
“I thought you weren’t going to call me a dog for the rest of the night?”
“Yeah, but that was before Chuuya cruelly tried to… make me sleep.”
Chuuya chuckled lowly as his partner yawned again, eyes slipping further closed with every passing second. Carefully, he pulled the sheets out of the way and placed Dazai on the left side of the bed.
“Cruelly, huh?”
“Yep. Chuuya’s being very cruel.”
“Ah, that’s too bad. Guess I oughta sleep on the couch then, leaving you alone in this big, soft bed.”
Dazai shot up, grabbing at Chuuya’s arm before the man had any time to react, “No!”
“No?”
“You can— uh— I mean, it would be irresponsible of me as an owner to kick my dog out of bed. Don’t people let their pets sleep in the same bed as them sometimes…?”
Chuuya couldn’t hide his grin, “I suppose some do, yeah. Why’s that?”
“…I’m not going to say it.” Dazai released Chuuya’s arm, turning away to curl up under the sheets.
“Aww, why not?”
“Too sleepy, goodnight doggie!”
Chuuya shook his head, climbing into the right side of the bed.
“Goodnight, Mackerel.”
Dazai was already out like a light.
-
And if in the morning the two teenagers woke up in each other’s arms, legs tangled together with neither bothering to move until long after they had both woken up, then nobody needed to know but them. It was their little secret, kept safe under lock and key.