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1.
It was May 24th, and Danny was trying to have a reasonably peaceful day at work. Of course, this was one of Edogawa Ranpo’s work days at the Detective Agency, so Danny knew the nuisance would appear soon. However, he’d grown to tolerate the man. Yes, tolerate. Nothing more than that.
“Motta!”
Ah, speak of the devil.
Ranpo strolled into the café. There weren’t many customers today, which meant he could simply go straight to the counter.
“What are you doing this weekend?” He asked, eyes scanning over the menu, likely considering what insane bullshit to order today.
Danny looked at him quizzically. “I’m going to a wedding, why?”
“Whose wedding?!” Ranpo’s eyes snapped toward Danny’s.
“Just a random friend-“
“If they’re doing it on a weekend, that means they’re too busy all the other days and they’re always going to argue about it-“
“That’s not the point at all-“
“And why are you even going?”
“TO SUPPORT MY FRIEND?!”
Ranpo’s expression flattened. “You’re weird,” he deadpanned.”
Danny rolled his eyes. “You know, in spite of your social ineptitude, it’s actually perfectly normal to go to friends’ weddings. Do you just not have friends?”
Ranpo’s face tinged slightly red. “I have friends. But, to be entirely fair to you-“
“That’s not-“
“-none of them have gotten married.”
From what Danny knew about Ranpo’s ‘friends,’ they were all either colleagues at the Detective Agency, or police chiefs who disliked him. So, he supposed, they were either freaks (in the kindest possible sense of the word; he rather liked Ranpo’s colleagues) who would never get married, or were normal people who would not invite Ranpo.
Danny just sighed and shook his head, giving up on Ranpo’s bullshit. “Yeah, whatever. Are you ready to order?”
Ranpo sighed, as if it was an enormous inconvenience that he had to order what he wanted. “I’ll have a strawberry smoothie, with milk and chocolate syrup, and a half cup of powdered sugar mixed in. Oh, and whipped cream on top.”
Danny shook his head again in exasperation, going to make Ranpo’s smoothie.
A new voice piped up behind him. “Do you have any idea what he was trying to do?”
Danny turned around to see Lucy. “Huh?”
Lucy only rolled her eyes and walked back to the counter. She had a tendency to raise questions and then never answer them.
He sighed and went back to making Ranpo’s smoothie.
By the time he was done making it, he came back to Ranpo being chewed out for something by Akiko Yosano. As soon they saw him, they both went quiet.
Instead of delving into the questions of when that woman even got there, what she was doing here and what she was mad at Ranpo for, Danny simply gave the detective his smoothie and held out a hand for payment. Yosano paid (Danny guessed Ranpo didn’t bother to bring his wallet or some shit.) as Ranpo thanked him enthusiastically.
The duo left the café, and as soon as the door was closed, Yosano immediately continued berating the detective for god-knows-what.
Danny, once again, shook his head in confusion.
2.
A day later, Ranpo strolled back into Café Uzumaki. He stepped up to the counter, eyes briefly scanning over the menu. “Good morning, Motta.”
Danny nodded with an eyeroll. “Good morning, Narcissist.” The regular insults didn’t hold any bite anymore.
“You’re awfully rude to your customers,” Ranpo teased with a cheeky grin.
“It’s just ‘cause you’re an ass. Gonna order?”
The detective hummed in affirmative, looking once more at the menu. “Chai with foamed milk, and then add some vanilla syrup and matcha flavoring. Oh, and some un-foamed milk mixed in, and with whipped cream.”
Danny sighed in exasperation. “What is your obsession with whipped cream?”
“Whipped cream deserves to be on every beverage.”
Danny just shook his head, taking Ranpo’s order to the back.
A few minutes later, he returned with Ranpo’s drink. “Here’s your weird mix of nonsense.”
“Thanks.” He paused, seemingly thinking something over. “Akiko keeps yelling at me.”
Danny blinked, unsure where this was going. “Why?”
Ranpo sighed, as though terribly disappointed in something. “‘Cause I haven’t asked you yet.”
“Asked me what?”
“…Whatever. I’ll do it another day.”
Danny shook his head. “Whatever it is, just ask, weirdo.”
Ranpo sighed again. “Fine. What’s your phone number?”
Danny’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why do you need to know?”
“…so that I can stalk you at all hours,” Ranpo blurted.
“Huh?!”
“Goodbye.” Ranpo dashed out of the café with his drink.
Lucy suddenly appeared behind Danny the way she often did. “Do you get it yet?” She asked, eyebrows rising until they disappeared behind her bangs.
Danny was just more confused now. “Get what?”
She shook her head in exasperation. “You oblivious fuck,” she muttered.
3.
The next day, Ranpo returned yet again. “Motta!”
Danny sighed dramatically. “Shame, this was such a nice morning before you walked in.”
Ranpo smiled condescendingly. “Aw, don’t worry, I’ve already decided what to order.”
Danny waited, but the detective didn’t start talking. “…are you going to order it then?!”
“Hm. Fine. I’ll have a vanilla latte, with whole milk, whipped cream, 7 sugar packets; 6 mixed in, one sprinkled on top of the whipped cream to make it crunchy.”
Danny stared at him incredulously. “‘Make it crunchy?!’ That’s not even how that works.”
The detective donned his usual cocky grin. “Just do it!”
Danny just shook his head at the absurdity and headed to the back. Lucy took his place at the counter and began talking with Ranpo in hushed tones, almost as though they were keeping a secret.
When Danny came back, Lucy was gone and Ranpo looked absolutely flabbergasted. He shrugged it off and handed Ranpo his drink. “Here you go. I added the sugar to make it crunchy.”
Ranpo either didn’t pick up on the sarcasm or simply didn’t care. “Thanks! Are you free this weekend?”
Danny blinked. “Yeah. Are you trying-“
“No. Anyway, have you seen that new movie yet?”
“…Which one?” He tried to think of any new movies that Ranpo might like, but nothing came straight to his mind.
“I don’t know, I didn’t think that far through. Whatever, goodbye.”
“…oh my god.” Danny stared after Ranpo as the latter sped out of the café. The realization hit him like a baseball to the nose. Ranpo had been trying to ask him out.
…what the hell.
Lucy appeared behind him yet again.
“He’s been trying to ask me out?!” He blurted before she could say anything.
She just nodded with a deep, annoyed sigh.
4.
Now that Danny was armed with the knowledge of Ranpo’s intentions, he knew what to be ready for when, just the same as always, the detective walked confidently into the café.
“Morning, moron,” Ranpo said cheerfully, quickening his pace up to the counter.
Danny nodded. “Good morning, your royal nuisance. Ready to order?”
“Just a sec,” Ranpo said, eyes scanning over the menu. “So, how’s your dull, average day been?”
Danny sighed melodramatically. “My day was just fine before you decided to show up. And you?”
“Well, I had a case today, though I’m sure a feeble mind like yours couldn’t comprehend the-“
“Let me guess; the one investigating the murder was the culprit?”
Ranpo huffed indignantly, opening his eyes to stare into Danny’s soul. “Whatever. Since you decided to be so rude-“
“-since I decided not to indulge your praise kink-“
“I won’t give you a tip.”
Danny’s mouth dropped open. “That’s cold. I knew you were an inconsiderate jackass, but after all we’ve been through, I didn’t think you’d go that far.”
Ranpo snorted as he leaned forward. “What are you doing tonight?”
“I’m working late tonight, but tomorrow I can-“
Ranpo jumped back suddenly as though he’d been burned. “A cinnamon roll, please.”
Danny headed into the kitchen, where the baked goods had been made a few hours ago. He returned to the counter, handing Ranpo the cinnamon roll wrapped in a paper bag. “Here you go, but if-“
Ranpo grabbed the pastry out of Danny’s hand, making sure to avoid any skin-to-skin contact. “Thanks, goodbye.” He slapped his payment down on the counter (along with a generous tip, Danny noticed, rather pleased) and dashed straight out the door.
Danny shook his head in disbelief. “Holy shit, this is embarrassing.”
As she really seemed to enjoy doing, Lucy once again teleported behind him. “Damn straight. You wanna try just doing it yourself?”
Danny turned toward her, meeting her eyes. “I don’t usually like to, but at this point I think I have to.”
Red braids bobbed up and down as the girl in front of him nodded assent. “Hopefully he’s not too embarrassed to come back.”
Danny turned back to the counter as another customer walked in. “God, that would be a pain.”
+1.
Ranpo finally came back after two days of avoiding Café Uzumaki at all costs. Danny suspected that it was because he’d used his genius deduction (or whatever he called it) to find out that Danny was onto him.
The detective walked in quickly, as though his goal was to get in and out as fast as possible. When he got to the counter, he hardly even looked at the menu before beginning his order.
“I’ll have-“
“You can order in a minute,” Danny interrupted. “Right now, let’s address the elephant in the room.”
Ranpo’s face scrunched in confusion. “The what?”
Danny paused, face twisting to match Ranpo’s in his own bewilderment, before continuing. “I’ll temporarily ignore the insane revelation that you don’t know that phrase. Anyway, Lucy keeps bothering me about this, and you keep failing miserably to ask me out. So. Do you want to go to dinner tomorrow night?”
Ranpo’s entire face fell flat. His whole body froze. He stayed still and silent for so long, Danny nearly worried. But after nearly two full minutes, he nodded stiffly. “…Yeah. Sounds great.”
Danny smiled, letting out an amused huff. “Great. What time works for you, and where do you want to go?”
Ranpo finally managed to shake himself out of his stupor and meet Danny’s eyes. “…There’s an Italian restaurant Akiko recommended. I can text you the address. 7 pm?”
“All that works. I’ll see you there, tomorrow, at 7.”
Ranpo nodded, and then the two of them stared at one another for several seconds.
“Can I order now?”
Danny shrugged. “Go ahead.” He was sure he wouldn’t need paper this time, since Ranpo’s ridiculous drink orders certainly improved his ability to memorize random shit quickly.
Thankfully, Ranpo didn’t look at the menu, having already decided what he’d get. “I’ll have a hot chocolate with strawberry syrup, throw in some strawberries, and with half-and-half mixed in and whipped cream on the top.”
Danny stared at him incredulously. “…Okay, that just sounds gross, what is wrong with you?”
Ranpo smirked. (The audacity of that man! After all of his blunders even just today, he was in no position to smirk.)“Try before you deny.”
“…no. That’s gross.”
Ranpo shook his head with a grin. “Fine, then. You’re missing out.” He walked away, heading for the door. “Bye, Motta! See you tomorrow!”
Danny waved, watching the man leave.
“How’d it go?”
Danny jumped as Lucy’s voice appeared from behind him.
“Did you two finally get your shit together?” She continued.
He shrugged. “I have a date tomorrow night.”