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You groggily rubbed your eyes and opened them. In the darkness, they met nothing. You tried to steady yourself as you sat up, drunk with sleep. You had slept and slept, not sure how long, but that seemed to be the only thing you did lately. In fact, it was the only thing you could do. You groped your surroundings as your eyes adjusted to the lack of light, your hand brushing something soft beside you. Stroking it gently, you stared off into space. You didn't have to look at it. For some reason, you knew that it was there for a reason and you were comforted by its presence. It seemed to belong there, just as much as you belonged between the bars you peered through.
A click and some footsteps could be heard just outside of your field of vision. He was home. You actually weren't sure who he was anymore. You weren't sure who you yourself were either. Sometimes you felt like you heard a concerned voice inside your head urging you on, encouraging you, telling you things, but you dismissed it. You felt like you'd lost half of your mind so you started trusting only the things that were right in front of you. Things you could see. Feel. Things that made you belong.
You couldn't remember anything.
Actually, you weren't sure if you could remember things or not. You felt like a lot of things were on the tip of your tongue, overloading it with foreign yet nostalgic flavors, and then... nothing. The taste lingered for a few moments, then you forgot it again. Who was he? Who were you? What were you doing?
Peering through the dull silver bars, you could see light flickering in the corridor, illuminating a tiny portion of the room you were in. The sound of water running, more footsteps, and then finally another click. Light pierced your eyes. Between your squinted eyes, you could see him.
And he spoke to you.
"I'm home. Did you miss me?"
Unable to utter a word you stared at him blankly while he did something. With a snap, the bars directly in front of you moved further away, and your line of sight was replaced with him, and only him.
The cage had been opened, and the beast, released.
No, you weren't the beast. He was. The cage's purpose was to protect you from him. Your gut told you that something about him was wrong, but you didn't do anything about it. You couldn't. Even though he was dangerous, there was a sense of familiarity coming from him. And he was gentle. He was always gentle.
As much as you couldn't remember anything about yourself, you knew that something tied you to this man. Almost every day, the same scenario played itself out. You were left to your own devices for a long time, then he came back, and you would spend time together. You learned to anticipate his return even though you didn't know the time of the day, nor did you know why you did. You didn't even remember his name.
That didn't frustrate you for some odd reason, because just when you were about to get annoyed at the fact that you didn't know him, he taught you. Slowly, patiently, he taught you his name.
And this was every day. You couldn't remember, of course, but the monotonous routine drilled itself into your head eventually, and you just accepted how things were. You knew that some gaps in your brain, whatever functioning part of it was left, would be filled by him.
So your life revolved around him.
You were a doll.
You were his doll.
**
He coaxed you out of the cage and you crawled out. He offered you his hands and helped you steady up. You hadn't stood on two feet in a while. They felt so wobbly. You thought you were going to topple over at any moment, but your face showed nothing. He chuckled as if he knew exactly what you were thinking.
Slinging one of your arms over his shoulder, he directed you towards a well-lit room. He had you lean against the wall while he closed the door. You could hear the sound of water running, and the moisture in the air prickled your skin.
"Time for bath, I guess," he said. "No matter how many times I do this, I can't ever get used to it. Sorry."
You wondered what the meaning behind his words were as he lifted your arms up and pulled your shirt off. His face was tinted red as he lowered his hands to your hips and undid the zip of your skirt. He pulled that off too, and in one swift motion, your undergarments were pooled at your feet. He nudged you gently, trying to get your to raise your feet so he could take the clothes away.
"Go sit on the stool."
You obeyed. A steady stream of water hit you suddenly, and you gasped. He made an amused sound and then buried his hands in your hair. The scent of lavender relaxed you as he massaged your head and lathered. His index fingers reached the shell of your ears. Pressing and rubbing gently, he made sure to get those too. He rinsed the shampoo off of you and then handed you a bottle.
"For your body. It's soap. Do it yourself." He was a bit tense, bashful.
You looked at him, not comprehending a single word. You didn't understand his intent. He sighed, squeezing out some of the contents and put his hands on your back. Despite the coolness of the shower gel, his hands were quite warm. You could feel it through the suds. It was something familiar to you.
"Do that but with the rest of your body," he said. "Or do I have to do it for you again?"
He already knew the answer as he placed his hands on your bare skin again, rubbing first your neck, then onto your shoulders, under your left arm, then your right. His hands reached yours, and he clasped them for a short while, fingers intertwined.
"Like that." His voice directly next to your ear made you shiver. Or perhaps it was the fact that he had turned the water off and you were feeling cold. "Do I really have to continue? No, scratch that. Do you want me to continue?" This time, he sounded more confident. You gave him a small nod. You felt comfortable with him and the things he was doing. "You're so spoiled... Just like when we were kids."
He moved to face you. You noticed that his clothes were completely drenched. Water was dripping down his dark blonde hair. But he looked happy. At peace.
Hands came close to your chest tentatively, then his skin met yours. He scrubbed gently, tickling you. His eyes were determined for some odd reason. He cupped your breasts and then worked down onto your stomach and hips. He squeezed yet more soap onto his palms, and then your thighs were attended to. You could hear a wet sound as he smoothed your skin. He reached to your feet lacing his fingers between your toes.
He turned the water on again. You expected it, but your body didn't. You whimpered yet again at the contact of water raining down upon you. He lifted your arms in order to wash the soap off, and parted your legs gently too.
You felt almost boneless, being handled by him like that.
He pulled you up and directed you towards the tub. He told you to get in, and you did. It was warm, and it felt good. You were almost melting. You leaned back against the tub, stretching your legs out, not noticing that he was gone. You could only concentrate on the things in front of you after all, and this relaxing heat was taking up all of your attention. You closed your eyes and savored the feeling.
You heard the shower again, and then water dripping. And then, you felt the water in the tub being displaced. He slowly got into the tub facing you and nudged your legs to the side so he could have space too. Water spilled out from the sides, pushed out by the extra body.
He looked at you, and with a gentle smile, he spoke.
"I wish we could have done this under different circumstances." His voice was almost a whisper. "I wish it would've never come to this. But someone needed to protect you. And it wasn't going to be Shin. Nor was it going to be Ikki. It had to be me. And now there's only me. Your entire life will only be comprised of me from now on."
He grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together.
"Hey, do you still remember my name?" He squeezed gently.
"..." You opened your mouth tentatively. The word was on the tip of your tongue. Your head was well above the water level, but it felt like you were drowning. You racked your brains out for the correct response, but the only thing you could manage to choke out after some strenuous effort was, "Thank you."
Tears welled up in his eyes.
"Thank you," You couldn't help but smile. "Touma."
Droplets hit the bath water, gently rippling it.
"You're welcome," his eyes didn't manage to meet yours as his shoulders shook slightly. The only thing you could feel was his grasp on your hand getting tighter. "You're welcome."