Chapter Text
(After Sabre left)
Bee(Nightmare): How did Sabre and Lucas always get out of these messes?
Rainbow: They didn't. They just made a bigger mess that canceled out the first one.
#
Ghost: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.
#
Illusion: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.
#
Plague: Do I sound smart, or am I smart?
Dark: You sound unbearable, to be perfectly honest.
#
Negative: I’m gonna die alone.
Hypno: Negative, you’re not gonna die alone.
Negative: Rainbow was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake.
Dark: Uh-huh. Why is that?
Negative: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face.
Negative: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man.
Negative: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!
#
Memory, planning a group disguise: You cannot be Blake Bortles.
Reverse: Fine! Then I’ll be Jake-
Positive, under their breath: Don’t say Jortles.
Reverse: Jortles! And I work at the molotov cocktail department.
#
Purple: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.
#
Infinity: *chokes on something*
Plague: Jeez, Infinity, don't die on us.
Infinity: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!
#
Sabre: So, everyone, what does a story NEED?
Lucas: A character!
Rainbow: A setting!
Bee, a gleam in their eyes, in a near-whisper: REVENGE.
#
Alex: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Sabre: Literally or figuratively?
Alex: I have to specify?
#
Ghost: I taught the dog a new trick. *throws ball* Fetch!
Dog: *just stands there*
Infinity: He didn’t do it.
Ghost: I taught him to ignore social conventions and think for himself.
#
Origin: Alex, my old friend!
Alex: I think you tried to kill me at some point.
Origin: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.
#
Rainbow, watching Lucas do something stupid: Sabre, you're officially only the second highest risk here.
Sabre: Hell yeah! I'm gonna—
Rainbow: Don't finish that sentence, you'll move back up.
#
Galaxy: I don’t know, they just don’t seem interested...
Emerald: Did you try talking to them?
Galaxy:
Galaxy: Try what?
#
Blue: What are your three best qualities?
Diamond: I’m hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.
#
Faceless: I have lots of friends!
Lucas: Name one.
Faceless: Well, there’s-
Lucas: Name one you haven’t gotten incredibly angry at.
Faceless: Hey, that’s not fair, then there isn’t any!
#
Bee: Are you reading fan fiction?
Plague, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.
Bee: Oh, is it on AO3?
Plague: This is CNN.
#
Rainbow: I’m 80% awesome 20% water and 100% handsome.
Plague: That’s 200%.
Rainbow: I’m twice the man you’ll ever be.
#
Guardian: Look, I know we don’t always see eye to eye but—
Sabre: Thats because your too short to do so.
Guardian: ...Listen here you fucking—
#
Alex: It’s Pride Month, you know what that means!
Prof. Red: I get to eat as many Skittles as I want?
Alex: What? No! What has Yellow been telling you?
Yellow, walking in, pouring Skittles into their mouth: Taste the rainbow, bitch.
#
Yellow, Entering Emerald's room: Prof. Red did it again.
Emerald: Peace disturbance?
Yellow: What no-
Emerald: Arson..?
Yellow: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Emerald: uh....Attempted murder?
Yellow: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-
#
Void: If I say yes am I joining a cult?
Origin: Possibly.
Void: I’m in.
#
Lucas: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Sabre: And?
Lucas: And you are.
#
Diamond: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly?
Alex: Not again!
Diamond: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions.
Sabre: Just wait until you hear about whales.
Diamond: What now?
#
Alex: If you aren't someone the church wanted dead 300 years ago, are you really living?
#
Green: Plants have feelings too?! What is this? Now I can't have food!
Overseer: You can eat a rock.
Ghost: Air.
Alex: The fabric of time and space.
Sabre: Chugging a bottle of bleach can solve all your problems.
Green: You guys are not helpful.
#
Guardian: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Sabre: Which one? I can't do both.
#
*Bullying Prevention Day at school*
Teacher: Light, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?
Light: Oh, that’s easy. I’d take a pencil out of my pencil case—
Teacher: To write something to your teacher?
Light: —make sure that it’s really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My dad always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can’t outlaw bringing pencils to school!
Teacher: *internal screaming*
#
Blue, being robbed: Please! Have mercy! I have a family! A wife and kids… a dog…
Emerald: Literally none of that is true, Blue.
Blue: Okay, but I’m sexy! That’s gotta count for something, right?
#
Positive: The time to act is now.
Positive: Wink, wink.
Negative: Don't say "wink wink". Just wink.
Positive: Oh, sorry.
Positive: Wink.
#
Ghost: Hypno, you’re such a genius!
Hypno: Yes, I know.
#
Memory as a child: I can’t wait to grow up and have cool adventures!
Memory now: I can’t wait to go to bed.
#
Sabre: Met a dumbass today. Awful.
Origin: You looked in a mirror?
Sabre: Someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.
#
Galaxy: *lying down and crying*
Bee: There, there. Why don’t you take some time off to not be around me while you’re like this?
#
Bee: What did you get on your shirt?
Light: Rust.
Bee: From what?
Light: Weapons.
Guardian: Time for more adult supervision.
#
Positive: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.
Memory: That’s a snake.
#
Prof. Red: Quick! You must come with me! Your in great danger!
Sabre: Why?!
Prof. Red: Because I’ll kill you if you don’t.
#
Yellow: Alex just said "I have an appetite for destruction" and then they reached down and untied my shoe.
#
Plague: My expectations were low but holy fuck.
#
Emerald: I truly hate it here <3
Hypno: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it?
Galaxy: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women?
Bee: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny?
Guardian: I’m having a fucking stroke.
Galaxy: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations!
#
(After word of Sabre's sacrifice spread to the Spirit Realm)
Purple: Life could be worse, Rainbow.
Rainbow: Life could be a lot better too!
#
*Sabre and Lucas are in Paris.*
Sabre: I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Lucas: But...
Sabre: I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Lucas: This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
Sabre: Yeah.
Lucas: But the Eiffel Tower is behind us.
Sabre: Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Lucas: Okay, alright.
#
Hypno: I don’t have anything against you, but I can make up lots of reasons to attack you!!
#
Lucas: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.
Sabre: You were too lazy to read the book?!
Lucas: I was too lazy to watch the movie.
#
Light: My favorite thing about big dogs is that when you push them over, they're all like "Oh, I'm lying down now! Someone might scratch my stomach! I might nap! Endless possibilities!"
Sabre: ...whereas, when you push little dogs over, they're all like, "Vengeance! Death before dishonor!"
Elemental, not looking up from his book: Hm, just like you.
Sabre: *Throws a knife next to his head*
#
*The TV is freaking out*
Lucas: Don’t worry, you have to treat an electronic like you treat a patient on life support.
*Unplugs the TV, then plugs it back in again. nothing changes*
Lucas: Yeah, that didn’t work with my grandma either.
#
Elemental: If bees can be fish and boys can be girls, then why can't my dad love me?
Sabre: I thought I was going to have to yell at you, but now I think I should hug you.
#
Hypno: Why do you act like we’re three year olds?
Sabre, exasperated: WHY?!?
Sabre points at Bee: YOU TRIED TO HYJACK A CAR!
Sabre points at Emerald: YOU NEARLY JUMPED 20 FEET OFF A CARPARK!
Sabre points at Hypno: AND YOU ATE MULTIPLE DRIED LEAVES AND ROCKS OFF THE GROUND!
Sabre: AND YOU ASK ME WHY????
#
Positive: Reverse tooth fairy where you leave money under your pillow and the tooth fairy comes and leaves you a bunch of teeth.
Guardian: Why?
Positive, shaking a bag of teeth: Just because.
#
Yellow: Can we talk? One 10 to another?
Purple: I’m an 11, but continue.
#
Bee: I think I need a hug...
Rainbow: Good thing I'm hug shaped!
*45 minutes later*
Bee: You... you can let go now.
Rainbow: No, I absolutely cannot.
#
Hypno: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.
Hypno: Violently practices.
Purple: Violently studies.
Time: Violently sleeps.
Red: Violently shoots pictures.
Galaxy: Violently boxes.
Lucas: Violently murders people.
Time: Violently worries about the previous statement.
#
Light: *gets a text* Oh! It’s Sabre.
Illusion, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?
Light: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
Illusion: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood?
Light: You wanted fake blood?
Illusion:
Light: I’ll go call Sabre.
#
Red: Bee, I have a couple of words to say to you.
Guardian: Please let those two words be “I’m sorry.”
Sabre: I’m ready with the bleep button if not.