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I.
Ponyboy had never understood Soda when he told his brother he’d start liking girls eventually. Girls were pretty, sure, in a conventional way, but he never felt like he was feeling the right things.
Whenever he watched romance movies or read novels that centered around two love interests, they always went into great detail about how that person would make your heart flutter or your cheeks red. They discussed how they were someone who could see you in a way no one else could, how even the sight of them would make you wanna melt on the spot.
Ponyboy always felt it sounded too corny, too cliché, cause there’s no way other guys his age felt that way about girls.
I mean, sure, Soda used to talk about Sandy in that way a lot but then again, he’d talk about Steve in a similar fashion. It didn’t help that his brother had always been a hopeless romantic anyway, so he wasn’t the best person to look towards for that kinda stuff.
He thought he was alone in this feeling for a while. Girls were just regular people in his eyes, nothing special really.
But when he embarrassingly told Johnny this one day, his friend quickly nodded his head in agreement.
Pony joked, “I don’t want to hang out with some girl all the time, I just wanna hang with you instead!”
Johnny muttered, “Me too,” as he nudged his friend’s shoulder and gave a shy smile.
Yes, he didn’t need a girlfriend when he had Johnny Cade.
Hanging with Johnny was just as good as having a girlfriend, just without all the messiness. They understood each other, more than anyone in Pony’s life could, even Soda. They could sit in silence and not grow bored or uncomfortable. Yet, they could have lengthy conversations about practically any topic if they wanted to. It was always easy with Johnny, it was always easy when you had a friend as good as him.
Well… Pony wouldn’t say easy. But it wasn’t Johnny’s doing, Pony just had to make things complicated and he hated how unintentionally he could.
~~~~
Ponyboy loved to sketch the gang in his old, tattered sketchbook. They were fun to draw, always doing something interesting. But Johnny was his favorite subject. Sure, he was small and young-looking but that didn’t take away from his dark eyes or the small scars covering his body. Did it make Pony pissed out of his mind? Sure but he also thought it just made Johnny look as strong as he really was. Johnny would always deny it but Pony always remarked that Johnny was the strongest person he knew, even next to Dally or Darry.
Johnny had been through shit no one should have to endure and yet, he still stood tall. Maybe he was slightly bruised or scarred but he was there regardless. And Ponyboy loved that about him.
He had pages and pages dedicated to his best friend, his tense and nervous expression, his bitten-off nails, and every freckle that dotted his face in the summer.
He especially enjoyed drawing his friend when he wasn’t so nervous, when the sparkle came back into his eye. He understood why Johnny was a nervous wreck. In fact, Pony didn’t blame him for it. But he loved it when Johnny would ease up, become less tense, less scared. Ponyboy often basked in the fact that this was his doing, that this was a side of Johnny reserved for him alone. For when they were stargazing or watching the sun set. When they’re watching cartoons in the Curtis's living room or when they’re sharing popcorn at the drive-ins. Special moments where Johnny Cade was relaxed, where he was himself.
For this very embarrassing reason, he never let anyone look inside the book unless it was only at specific pages. He felt gross and embarrassed that simply flipping through the pages filled with his best friend’s face would make him blush or his heart beat a little too quickly. Why was he so nervous? This was Johnny .
~~~~
See, his sketchbook was something that he hadn’t even shown to Soda, something he was too embarrassed for anyone to lay eyes on.
Yet, Ponyboy’s luck tended to be horrendous.
He should’ve known he was stupid for not stuffing the book back into his drawer. But he had been extra drowsy that morning and didn’t bother.
It was a Friday afternoon. Ponyboy had way too much studying to do that night and as he complained about this very thing on their walk home, Johnny offered to join his friend while he worked, for emotional support and all.
So Johnny tagged along, and man, did Pony wish he said no.
The two arrived at the house, kicking off their shoes, Pony yelling for Darry and Soda. Neither of them were home yet, unsurprisingly.
“Meet ya in me and Soda’s room,” Pony called out. Johnny nodded, trailing off into the bedroom down the hall.
Pony went to the kitchen, got an apple, and pulled out his books from his bag. Eventually, he slid back into the bedroom.
Ponyboy thought he might faint when he saw Johnny sitting at his desk, flipping through the pages of his sketchbook, a small smile playing on his lips.
“I- um-“ Pony tried to sputter out, an embarrassed blush creeping up his neck.
“Oh hi, Pony,” Johnny looked up, “These are all really good!”
“Thanks…” Was all Pony could let leave his lips.
“Why are they all of me though?” Johnny inevitably questioned, causing Pony to stutter and blush, hiding his face in his hands.
“I just think you’re pretty, ok?!” Pony called out, quickly correcting himself, “Pretty cool! Pretty cool…” He then cursed under his breath, avoiding eye contact with the boy across from him.
“No, no,” Johnny reassured, “I really like ‘em all! I was just curious.”
Ponyboy was a mess . Why the hell was he such a mess? This was Johnny .
II.
Johnny was never really one to stare. Eye contact was hard enough, let alone risking leaving your eyes there long enough for someone to notice .
Johnny would say he felt this way about everyone… Well, everyone except a certain Ponyboy Curtis.
Johnny could never seem to keep his eyes away from Pony, it was a bad habit of his.
Yet, Pony never seemed to notice and if he did, never seemed to care all that much. Johnny and him would lock eyes and instead of sending a weird look back, he'd give the boy a small smile. God, he loved that smile. He loved everything about Ponyboy really, as embarrassing as it was to admit.
He’d never tell Pony that. It was too risky, felt too wrong.
Yet, as much as he tried to suppress it, he couldn't help but love Pony more than he had anyone before. He had for a while, yet keeping the romantic thoughts down was more difficult than he expected it to be.
It was made especially hard when Ponyboy was his unabridged self, his observant, smart, snarky self.
“See, everyone thinks the main character is tough and strong and all and he is but he’s so much more than that!” Pony had begun on one of his usual tangents about a novel they’d just finished in English, “There’s all these clues that say that he’s hiding his true self and how deep down, he’s scared and all, like look here!” He flicked open his book, which was covered in scribbled annotations and neon highlighter scattered across the pages. Pony’s eyes skimmed over said pages, a sparkle alight in them, the way they always looked when he was talking about books and movies and such. Golly, Johnny could stare at those eyes all day long if Pony would let him…
“Johnny!” Pony called out, a grin on his face, “Here, here, see!” Johnny’s eyes quickly flicked back down to the page, nodding along as Pony continued about the deeper meaning.
“I just hope that Mr. Syme doesn’t mark me off on this essay,” Pony sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Everyone had such a basic take, but I think-” Pony had cut himself off, pausing, hand still in hair.
Johnny’s eyes followed up… Johnny had noticed, he just thought Ponyboy wouldn’t want anyone teasing him. It was clear the other boy hadn’t realized.
“ Dammit ,” Pony muttered, rubbing a tired hand over the bridge of his nose, “I’m so stupid , Steve ‘n Two are never gonna let me live this one down.”
Ponyboy had been running late that morning. Darry had left early for work and Soda’s shift wasn’t til that afternoon… And his alarm didn’t sound.
So, as Johnny knocked on their front door, the way he always did every morning before school, he heard the sound of Pony’s surprised yell and rushing around the house. In the chaos, Pony hadn’t greased his hair. To most, it would seem like a small, insignificant detail. But to the greasers, to Pony , it was important. It was their identity, their pride, it was all Pony was trying to be.
“Do you have any grease?” Pony turned to Johnny, slightly panicked.
Johnny squinted toward Pony, analyzing the fluffy tufts atop the other boy’s head. Johnny reached into his pocket, finding the small jar of grease he kept hidden but pausing before pulling it out.
Pony assumed this meant no, the brunette groaning, “God, I must look so lousy .”
“Ya know, Pony?” Johnny remarked, heart jumping to his throat as he spoke without thinking, “I think it looks really nice like this.”
Pony’s eyes turned a little more reassured, fingers fiddling together, “Really?”
Johnny nodded, murmuring, “Here, c’mere.”
Pony obliged, allowing Johnny to begin running his hands through Pony’s hair, fluffing it up in some places and down in others. Johnny truthfully couldn’t believe what he was doing, trying to keep the severe blush filling his cheeks away as well as the thoughts of how soft his friend’s hair really was. Pony seemed to be just as confused, but allowed it, trying not to catch Johnny’s eyes.
Eventually, he finished. Johnny sighed, “There.”
“ Thanks ,” Pony gave Johnny a small smile, “At least now it doesn’t look as bad.”
“I think you should keep it like this more often,” Johnny nodded, Ponyboy giving a surprised but reassured look in return.
“Thanks, Johnnycake,” Pony shrugged, “Maybe I will…”
III.
Pony usually hated going to movies with other people. Sure, drive-ins were fun and all but having people (mostly Dallas) talk in his ear the entire time was a very large pet peeve of his. He couldn’t entrace himself when he was distracted by outside sources.
Yet, if there was one person Pony could tolerate going to drive-ins with, it was Johnny Cade. In fact, he loved going to movies with his best friend.
Johnny was a quiet person already, and Ponyboy vented about this very issue with going to movies with others to Johnny before. His friend didn’t really chat whenever they saw one unless Pony spoke to him. He was a dream, compared to Soda and Dally at least.
There was really only one occurrence when Johnny had distracted Ponyboy, but in all honestly, Pony didn’t mind strangely.
It was a Double Feature, two movies in one. This meant that Steve and Soda had double the time to goof off, throw popcorn at people, and make out if they found a quiet enough spot.
This was good for Pony though. Steve would park his trunk in a quiet, dark spot at the back of the lot and run off with Soda to god knows where. This left Pony to sit in the back of said trunk, sipping a Pepsi and entrancing himself in the film.
Oftentimes, Johnny would join him, periodically getting up to get snacks or drinks so Pony wouldn’t miss anything.
That night, it’d been a quick-paced heist film followed by a much more slow romance.
Soda and Steve sat for the first fifteen minutes of the first before getting distracted and leaving to go track down Two-Bit for the liquor he’d promised the two of them.
A few minutes later, Johnny quietly murmured to Pony, “You want me to go get food?”
Pony sent him a grateful smile, pulling a quarter or two out of his pocket, “Yeah, thanks!”
Johnny nodded, knowing Pony’s usual ask for a Pepsi and popcorn by heart by now. He returned not long after, settling back beside Ponyboy, shoulders comfortably touching each other’s.
Pony took one of the drinks, setting it to the right of him, and the bag of popcorn in between the two of them.
Johnny also threw Pony a KitKat. Pony excitedly whispered, “Hey, thanks!! How’d ya know these were my favorite?”
“Oh,” Johnny rubbed the back of his neck, “You just get one every time we visit Soda at the DX, I just assumed…”
Pony grinned, eyes turning back to the screen.
The action movie ended with a bang. It was good, just predictable. As the credits started to roll, he quickly turned to Johnny, beginning to ramble about his thoughts.
Johnny listened intently, adding comments occasionally and nodding enthusiastically. He always loved that about Johnny, he’d listen to every word that left Pony’s mouth with interest. He understood why most people listened to his tangents offhandedly, but he appreciated how Johnny gave his full attention every time, without fail.
Ponyboy cut himself though when the second movie started. Most boys his age thought that romance movies were cheesy, boring, gross. But Pony disagreed. He found himself longing for a love like that sometimes. But maybe that was Soda getting to his head or something…
The sun had gone down at this point, and Pony felt the cold breeze pick up as the night grew darker. He normally brought some sort of blanket along but Soda had been in a rush to get Steve so he hadn’t had time to snag one.
Pony shivered a bit, trying to ignore the goosebumps now trailing his arms. Johnny, observant as ever, seemed to notice.
“Cold, Pony?” he asked, a slight bit of concern slipping into Johnny’s voice.
“A little..” Pony responded, a bit embarrassed.
“Here,” Johnny began to slip off his denim jacket.
“Are you sure?” Pony questioned, “I don’t want you to be cold now.”
“I’m fine, I promise,” Johnny wrapped the coat over the other boy’s shoulders, “I’ve spent lots of nights in the lot, I don’t get cold easy.”
Pony slipped his arms into the sleeves, trying to ignore how his cheeks felt hot. He never understood why that happened with Johnny, he didn’t always feel like that around his friend. Soda often said that’s how he used to feel around Sandy and how does around Steve now but Johnny was his best friend .
He tried to focus on the movie, he really did but he couldn’t help noticing how the two main love interests reminded Pony of him and Johnny. No, he and Johnny were friends.
Yet, it was extremely hard to argue these feelings when after a while, he felt a weight on his shoulder.
Johnny seemed to be drifting off on Ponyboy’s shoulder, nuzzling his nose into the crook of the other boy’s neck. Pony didn’t know if he could think straight after that. He could hardly even pay attention to the rest of the film, particularly because he was trying to avoid tensing up and risk waking his friend and particularly since he was trying to keep the blush from his cheeks (which he failed at miserably ).
Even when the credits started to roll, Pony continued to stare straight ahead.
At the sounds of Soda and Steve returning, part of him was hoping to all gods that he wasn’t teased and the other part was… disappointed?
As the two got closer, slightly tipsy, Pony could assume from their walks, Soda’s eyes found Pony’s and he sobered up real quick. His gaze began to look the two up and down, and therefore, at the sight of Soda’s eyes, Steve did as well.
“Sooooo?” Soda raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips.
But Ponyboy quickly cut him off, in a whisper, “ No, it’s not like that.”
Steve and Soda seemed to share a look with each other, before his brother remarked, “Whatever ya say, hon.”
IV.
It wasn’t unusual for Johnny and Pony to be left home alone at the Curtis’s house. Being how commonly Pony’s two eldest brothers worked, the home was often quiet, which was an extremely nice change for Johnny.
When the rest of the gang came around, the rooms were filled with loud conversation and noise but it was a comfortable type of background noise in Johnny’s mind.
On the other hand, there were times were it was just him and Pony, and that was the type of quiet Johnny especially enjoyed. He always felt so secure around the other boy, like a weight of anxiety had been lifted off his chest every time the two were alone together.
One particular night, Darry was getting home late and Two, Soda, and Steve were out doing god knows what. Dallas had remarked something about heading back to Buck’s and the group departed, leaving Pony and Johnny to trail back to the house.
As soon as they got home, Pony flicked on the radio, trotting off to his room to grab his most current read. Johnny plopped down on the couch, flicking on the TV, not really caring to find a channel he enjoyed. A small lamp cast a warm glow on the room as he relaxed into the cushions. It was peaceful . He couldn’t remember a time his house had fallen under that description.
Pony quickly returned, joining Johnny on the couch and flipping open the tattered book in his hand. They stayed like that for a while. Johnny wished they could stay like that forever.
From the corner, Johnny heard some Frank Sinatra song begin to play softly on the radio. He suddenly got up, causing Pony to look up from his book curiously.
Johnny then stuck out his hand, quietly offering, “Wanna dance?”
A small smile grew on Pony’s face as he quickly nodded, taking Johnny's hand.
After a bit of struggle of both of them trying to remember how to position themselves, they started to copy what they had seen in the movies, failing miserably .
“Wait, hold on-” Pony quietly murmured, seeming to be trying to connect dots in his brain, “So when I put my foot forward, you put yours back I think.”
“Ok..” Johnny responded, concentrating as they very slowly as they tried to figure out the footwork.
As they slowly went back and forth a few steps, Pony continued explaining, “And then, once we got the hang of it, we can add turns and spins and stuff.”
Johnny nodded, still trying to figure out which direction to move his foot. His concentration kept being broken though by the feeling of Pony’s hand in his, softer than Johnny thought it would be. Dammit, he needed to stop thinking those things.
As time went on, they slowly became more faster and steady on their feet.
As they did so, Johnny questioned, “So how do you know about all this stuff?”
Pony shrugged, “Movies, books, Soda mostly.”
“Soda?” Johnny grinned a bit, curiosity seeping through his tone.
“Yeah, he tried to teach me once. Didn't go real’ well…” Pony snickered, “I kept stepping on his toes and he couldn’t stop laughin’.”
“Well, how’d he learn?” Johnny asked.
“Darry…”
“Darry?”
“Yeah, Darry,” Pony nodded, amusement in his eyes as he said so.
“And how’d that go?”
“Well, not awfully actually,” Pony shrugged, “Soda’s really good at it so I can assume it worked.”
“Really?” Johnny smiled, “I didn’t see Darry as the dancing type.”
“Me neither but he’s actually really good,” Pony remarked, whistling, “He doesn’t do it much anymore ‘cause he’s all stiff and against anything fun.”
Johnny laughed a bit at this, Pony adding on, “Two convinces him too occasionally though, at least when no one’s around.”
A quicker-paced song started on the radio, causing Pony to lock eyes with Johnny, a determined look in his eyes. He boldly commented, “Let’s try this faster.”
Johnny gave a firm nod as they tried… Safe to say that confidence doesn’t make it easier if you can’t stop stepping on each other’s toes.
By the end of it, they were both giggling, Pony spinning Johnny for a final time, causing them both to lose their balance, gripping onto each other’s arms to prevent from falling over.
At this point, the laughing was uncontrollable and even Darry walking through the door couldn’t stop it. As Pony’s eldest brother strolled in, all three of them seemed to freeze. But as Pony and Johnny caught eyes again, they began to giggle to each other yet again.
Yes, this was peaceful.
V.
Ponyboy always hated thunderstorms… And he hated that he hated thunderstorms.
Logically, he knew that he was safe and that the likelihood of their house getting struck by lightning was little to none. And yet, the suddenness of rumbling or the downpour of rain on their metal roof did not help his fears in the slightest.
Pony and Johnny had been sitting on the two Curtis brothers' shared bed, Pony sitting up, back against the headboard, reading aloud some novel he had to read for English class.
Johnny seemed to relax as the small patter of rain started outside, yet it seemed to do the opposite to Ponyboy. His breath caught in his throat but he tried to cover it up as he continued on to the next paragraph. He tried to ignore how Johnny’s eyes seemed to furrow a bit, observant as ever that Johnny Cade.
The chapter went on yet Pony couldn’t help but notice how the rain began to get stronger and noisier. He tried to stop his heart from beating quicker, which he failed at but at least he tried.
It slowly became harder to focus on the words, which caused him to lose his flow and mess up the words every once in a while. He could tell that Johnny noticed, as he scooted a bit closer to Pony. Ponyboy ignored this as he read on, trying to keep his voice from becoming shaky as the first round of thunder came along.
He gulped, failing to keep his voice steady but wanting to keep reading cause he needed this distraction.
Yet, this was inevitable when an especially loud strike made Pony jump out of his skin. He tried to keep his eyes from watering but he couldn’t help it. He quietly muttered, “Sorry, sorry, where was I-”
“Pony,” Johnny’s voice was soft, reassuring, as he put his hand on top of the book in his friend’s hand, gently pushing down, “You ok, man?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Pony quickly swiped at his face, “I’m fine-”
But he was interrupted by another round of thunder that caused him to grab onto to Johnny’s arm and a whimper to erupt from his throat.
Johnny took Pony’s hand, “Hey, hey, it’s ok.”
He nodded towards the scared boy, arms out, softly murmuring, “C’mere.”
Pony collapsed into Johnny’s arms as he ran a hand through his friend’s hair, “It’s alright, I gotcha.”
As the rain pounded harder against the roof, and the thunder sounded again, Pony buried his face into the crook of Johnny’s neck, sniffling and shaking. He sadly muttered through his sobs, “It’s stupid, I know.”
“No, no,” Johnny shook his head, as he let his hands play with Pony’s hair, “It’s not, they’re scary, that’s for sure.”
“But you’re not scared,” Johnny heard Pony’s muffled concerns, “And here I am, bawling like a baby.”
“Well I’m used to noise, it does scare me much,” Johnny shrugged, as he comforted, “And I don’t mind, really.”
Johnny continued to whisper sweet nothings into his friend's hair as the storm went on. At some point, he heard shuffled footsteps and the creak of a door opening.
Unannounced to Pony, Soda had poked his head in but when he saw Johnny rocking Pony back and forth, he gave a smile and a thumbs up before joining Darry back in the living room.
Soda casually whispered to his eldest brother as he plopped down on the couch, “ He’s in good hands. ”
I.
They had been stargazing when it happened. Johnny didn’t expect it, especially not then, not ever . But it wasn’t his fault everything suddenly felt so right.
It had been an especially cold night, the type that caused you to pull your jacket tighter around yourself and goosebumps to trail up your arms.
Being how freezing it was, Johnny and Pony would usually make some sort of fire if they were outside but the wind was blowing a bit too hard for them to keep one aflame, as well as the fact that if it was darker, they could see the stars better.
Johnny laid back, feeling the wet grass prickle against his neck. The breeze bristled his hair and the smell of earth and smoke hit his nose. Pony laid down beside him, burrowing his face in Johnny's neck and lazily snaking his arm around Johnny’s until their hands found each other. It had been like this since the night of the storm, and Johnny sure wasn’t complaining.
The touch felt warm and welcoming, something he hadn’t experienced before. It felt like the same love they described in movies, something Johnny was sure both of them knew. But it wasn’t the same. It was different. Pure, unearthing, real.
He’d never felt that way with anyone. He felt seen from the inside and out, felt vulnerable. He hated feeling that way around everyone else, except Pony.
These thoughts passed through his mind like a freight train as they silently watched the sky, Pony’s breath tickling his skin. Eventually, he couldn’t stand it any longer.
“Ya know, Pony?” Johnny quietly said.
“Hmm..” Pony responded, head lifting a bit as he listened to the other boy speak.
“You’re my best friend,” Johnny looked down at the boy he loved more than anyone in the world.
Pony smiled, a small, sweet smile that was reserved only for him, “And you’re mine.”
“I like you a lot…” Johnny’s eyes were now glued to the sky as he said this, trying to avoid Pony’s curious gaze, “I like you more than anyone actually.”
There was a small pause before Pony drew a breath and muttered, “I love you.”
Johnny’s eyes widened a bit before he finally caught Pony’s eyes, where he saw a nervous squint to them. Before Johnny could think, he delicately took Pony’s face in his and planted a kiss on the other boy’s lips.
It was quick, and probably awful being how Johnny had never kissed anyone before, but Pony’s eyes seemed to tell Johnny that it was ok , that everything was ok .
Everything was going to be ok.
“I love you too, Pony.”