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Zenitsu was never very fond of himself, even in childhood. He was always told he was pretty ugly. His hair was always in thick chops, kept below his shoulders. His eyebrows are far too big, making his forehead too small.
The worst is probably his teeth. The gap in between his canines is distracting, the thing everyone sees first. His over bite might be the horrible part of it all. It makes his jaw look small.
Well, he is pretty small himself. He’s inches shorter than the other kids around him, looking more than five years younger than he is.
It’s embarrassing really.
Until Jigoro comes into the picture. He’s pretty short himself, and he has a tooth gap too. He takes Zenitsu under his wing, telling him others opinions don’t matter. He can almost believe him too.
This still doesn’t stop him from hiding his smile behind a quick hand, the acne coming in shortly to ruin his face more. Nothing he does makes him better, prettier, less himself.
He doesn’t want to be himself anymore. He’d much rather be Kaigaku. His face is pristine, well kept. His hair is always fluffy, constantly giving himself haircuts to keep it together.
He makes him feel worse. Constantly being called ugly and gross by someone as gorgeous as him, it must be true. He stops smiling all together, and it seems he’s lost color in his skin.
That’s another thing, Kaigaku calling him fat or a pig. Saying eating so many sweets is probably why he looks the way he does.
Zenitsu switched to only eating fruits and vegetables, that still didn’t feel like enough. He slowly went to nothing, sleeping whenever meals presented themselves. He couldn’t do anything else, sleep was all he knew.
Especially in the final selection, he slept the entire time. He doesn’t even know how he managed to make it back, but he did. He fell asleep while one of the quintuplets was talking.
Then there's becoming a slayer, and getting sent to the entertainment district, his home town. This reminds him he is truly ugly, bottom of the barrel.
Inosuke is gorgeous, his features align so perfectly you’d think he was sent by Buddha himself. His body is shaped and formed so delicately with muscles, he’d have Hercules in competition. His smile is white and toothy.
Tanjiro too. He was called the most handsome man in their town for a reason. His hair might be an odd color, off set of red, but it’s better than screaming yellow. His body is more gentle and caring, but still he’s buff. The worst part is both him and Inosuke are six foot or above.
Then of course you can’t leave out Nezuko. She’s a demon, so she’s mentally 12; but she’s still beautiful. Her hair is never tangled even with how much she sleeps, her eyes glisten under any form of light, and her giggle is the cutest thing on the planet.
Uzui’s, can't forget them. Zenitsu hates to admit it, but they are all flamboyant as all hell. They each match one another. Their faces are sculpted like porcelain, their lips tainted with lipstick. Eyes dolled in clear mascara, dressed in silks.
Zenitsu is jealous. Zenitsu is always jealous, everyone else is cute to him but himself.
Even when dressed as a girl, remembering the feeling of his hair in pigtails, he hates himself. The bows sit on his head as he walks beside the much taller men. People take Inosuke, despite his height, because he’s a walking Greek statue. People take Tanjiro because he promises to help with house work, proving himself useful.
Zenitsu walks beside Tengen in silence. He’s the average height of women, 4’10” to be exact. No one chooses him. He’s never been good enough to pick.
And old man walks in front of Uzui, handing over a couple coins of yen before the man grabs Zenitsu by the collar.
The place is diminly lit, candles coating the halls. He follows the sound of music. Standing in the open doorway, a couple of young girls usher him in with happy smiles. Perfect smiles.
That’s right, these women are what they call perfect. He quietly sits down as a bit of an older woman walks in. Without speaking a word she hands him a shamizen. He’s never held one of these, he knows instruments are too expensive.
The night continues, he wakes up much later than the meeting time. He sprints out, leaving his shoes to rot in that place. It’s burned to the ground, everything.
Running onto the roof, he spots someone with long white hair and green tips.
He doesn’t remember the rest, only remembering she had a beautiful face.
Time will always pass, which means they are closer to defeating Muzan. Zenitsu breaks away from the group again to sprint to the river.
Red spider lilies. He’s done enough research to know this would surely kill a demon just by exposure. He rips them out of the ground, shoves them in his pockets, runs back to his friends.
He repeats this for a month. Crushing the flowers into dust, mixing it with wisteria poison after sneaking into Kanae’s office, and injecting the magenta liquid straight into his neck.
The first few times hurt, hurt horribly bad. He’s gotten used to it.
He’s only thankful the flowers continue to grow everyday, something being against the river bed to keep them year long.
So much time passes he’s nauseous. He continues injecting the fluid into himself. His veins hurt, his throat is always sore. He doesn’t care. This will make him useful.
Then one day the floor beneath him falls and so does he. The sound of a biwa rings in his ears as he heads to his demise.
His sword is held into his belt tightly, falling much farther than the others, he watches from afar as Murata crashes to a platform.
Water. He lands in a pool of water. The sound of snickering makes him open his eyes fully. Sitting up and standing up is difficult. He hears the biwa again and he’s falling once more. The fall seems to never end before he sees blue.
Black hair, spikey as he always kept it. His ginormous sword, at least to Zenitsu’s view. The sight of the uniform, his brother is a demon.
A platform is found under his feet, Zenitsu doesn’t say a word.
“You always talk so goddamn much. You’re either whining, crying, or talking. Can you shut the fuck up for once.” Zenitsu hasn’t been fond of talking much since that day, a peach landing in his hair.
More giggling happens before Kaigaku stands before him. His sword is drawn and Zenitsu carefully pulls out his.
It’s a blur, the floor keeps falling and he has to keep sprinting up the walls to get him. Before the sound of a pop happens and Zenitsu is too tired to climb up again. Not a word is spoken to his older brother yet.
“No! No! No! You… you cut my head! You brat!” Kaigaku screams at Zenitsu as he slowly turns to dust.
Zenitsu opens his mouth, carefully holding, thinking of an answer. “Gramps would be so disappointed.” He continues his long fall until his body hits some surface.
The time never comes, like he so wishes. “Hang on Zenitsu, the building is crumbling. You are the last that’s needed out there.” Yushiro, a demon sworn to help, gets him safely on a platform before talking to Kaigaku one last time.
He can’t really point when he went from the castle to the battlefield, but he’s here.
Muzan has thick spines sprouting across the field, he can hear Genya’s heavy breathing hidden in the only intact building. Muichiro is there too, yet he’s gasping every few minutes.
Shinobu and Kanae are hidden, running to help everyone they can. Yushiro joins, leaving Zenitsu to his own devices.
The Hashira and his friends are struggling to keep Muzan at bay. Gyomei’s thick chains tangled around his body, Gyomei taking a mass amount of the hits.
Zenitsu’s head spins in circles, he isn’t sure what exactly to do. Kaigaku’s sword is seated comfortable on his left hip while his sword in on his right.
His arms feel heavy, unable to move. His feet feel cemented to the ground. He grabs the needles from his pockets, turning his head to the side before injecting each of them into his veins. The searing hot feel of red spider lilies and wisteria poison plague him.
Muzan hasn’t noticed him. No one has. He’s a shadow to their memory. He watches as comrades get flung into buildings. The only one standing is Gyomei, a leg so severely crushed he doesn’t understand how he’s up.
He’s stronger. That’s how. This makes Zenitsu jealous again, he could never be strong like that.
He takes the first step and the rest just feel natural. He’s walking to death with open arms and a nicked brow. He has nothing in his mind except that he needs to do this.
Muzan’s head tilts to the side for a moment as Zenitsu stands in front of him, not even 5 feet away. It feels like they are the only ones in the world.
The shouting of his friends, the shouting of Nezuko so close. It’s not working, he hasn’t ran, he hasn’t backed down. He can’t. He can’t let them down.
Zenitsu opens his arms and Muzan chuckles. It’s ugly, it sounds like Zenitsu’s father, only making him want to die more. The spine makes contact to his stomach faster than he anticipated. His knees lock under him as Muzan swings the spine into the air.
He never takes his eyes off him. He can hear them yell his name, even Shinjuro and Urokodaki; two men he’s never met before. Tanjiro and Inosuke are yelling louder.
Wait, that was his name. Inosuke said his name correctly. “Zenitsu!” His gravily voice is so easy to pick out. That’s his name.
A weak smile appears on his face. Tanjiro and Inosuke attempt to get up and get to him. Watching as parts of Muzan’s hair turn to dust fills him with gratitude.
“What the fuck are you smiling at?” Muzan is cold, his voice unwelcoming. He can’t pinpoint why his brother would follow him instead of a good man like Ubuyashiki.
Why is he smiling?
“You need to stop covering you mouth when you smile.” It was a simple thing Inosuke said in passing. Taken as nothing of Zenitsu couldn’t hear what he meant.
But he could.
“Why?” Zenitsu nudged him on the shoulder. “It’s cute” is all he got in response.
“It reminds me of a bunny! Bunnies always have such cute little smiles, especially when their noses bunch all together.” Tanjiro then exclaims.
“My smile is cute like a bunny’s?”
“Yes!” The smile that came from Zenitsu later that night while the two slept beside him would never be seen. The way it should be.
The way it always it.
The way it stays.
“Because… my name is Zenitsu Agatsuma… and I lived exactly how I chose to. I sacrificed myself… and I have a smile as cute as a bunny’s. If that isn’t smile worthy… I couldn’t tell you what is.”
Muzan growls as the spine lodges itself deeper in Zenitsu’s stomach. The smile doesn’t falter, watching Muzan’s fingers turn to dust.
The rest of him becomes dust, the spine dropping him to the floor. His legs are numb as he lays on the floor, he’s dying. This isn’t so scary. It’s peaceful.
He was always horrified what death would feel like, this just feels like spring time. His favorite season because the cherry blossoms remind him of girls. That’s probably a stupid reason to love a season, but it does.
The flowers remind him of Tanjiro, spring reminds him of Inosuke. He isn’t sure why, but they do. He never wants spring to end.
His body is numb after Muzan is gone. His friends scream and he can barely hear. He’s never heard anything so quiet as his eyes close. The last thing he hears is Tanjiro begging him to keep his eyes open.
The smell of peaches invades his nose as he slowly opens his eyes. The calm wind of spring floats about as he sits up. The grass and flowers moving to recover the spot he was just laying in. He turns his head around, confused, before he locks eyes with him.
Jigoro, his gramps.
“Gramps!” Zenitsu hurriedly stands up to give him a hug.
A hand comes up to stop him. He points to the ground to see a bright white line. “You must not cross this line, it isn’t your time yet.”
“Gramps?” Zenitsu asks. “What do you mean it's not my time? I’m here aren’t I?”
A heavy rooted sigh comes from the older man, “Yes you are here, but you aren’t supposed to be. You need to stay over there so you can go back home.”
Tears puddle in his eyes, “But home is with you.” He falls to his knees, taking a hand to touch the line. It creates a beep. The sound of a heart monitor, the same sound Rengoku had for months.
He takes his eye to the light, he sees himself laying in the mansion bed with his friends laying at his side. Inosuke has his head in his hand, Tanjiro’s head in his lap. Nezuko is somewhere close.
Oh… this is serious. He takes his head back up, another beep. He looks at Jigoro and then his friends.
“But you are my home…”
“Maybe they could be your new home, I won’t mind waiting. I’d prefer it, actually.” His smile is back, his gummy smile.
Zenitsu keeps another sob down with a gulp, “But I don’t think I could wait… even when you were alive… it was just waiting.”
“Zenitsu, time here isn’t the same, I’d take another look.” Jigoro changes the subject again, hitting his cane on the floor.
Zenitsu takes his face against the floor again. Tanjiro is in winter clothes? Last he saw he was in a yukata, now he’s in a kimono again.
His faces and Inosuke’s, when did he get there, are covered in tears.
“Zenitsu please! I need you to wake up! We’ll share a house and look after you! We need you to wake up!” The words come out in thick ugly sobs. He’s never seen Tanjiro nor Inosuke in such a state.
His head flies up again and Jigoro is sitting cross legged on the ground. “See? They need you, they can’t wait for you any longer, Zenitsu. I don’t mind waiting, when you are as old as me… I’ll take you under my wing again. You’ll be young again here, you won’t have to worry again. But for now, I want you to go back.”
The tears in his eyes remind him of that night. The night he got struck by lightning, telling him he was good enough. The night before final selection. The night before his life slid down a landslide.
If he follows gramps, he won’t ever be in pain again. He’ll be forever 15. His mind won’t make him sad, and he’ll be in paradise with his gramps.
If he doesn’t follow… he can fix his life… he can tell them the truth. He can live life without fear… because he did that. He could live life comfortably, sleeping in the same bed…
“I want to go back!” Zenitsu slams his head on the ground… Tanjiro is begging Shinobu for something?
“Please! He’ll wake up I’m sure of it! Give him a little longer!” Tanjiro begs as he holds Zenitsu, Inosuke is standing between the woman and him.
“Boys… he’s been in a coma for nearly three years. We need to let him go and let him rest.” Shinobu sighs as she blinks away a stray tears.
“Please… he’ll make it. He’s strong.” Inosuke’s voice is soft.
“I’m 18… I want to go back.” Zenitsu is stern as he stands up, Jigoro already up. He takes his old hand to his forehead and flicks him.
“I’ll wait for you.”
Zenitsu’s head slams up, panicked for air. The tube down his throat catching him as he grabs to yank. Shinobu quickly pulls it out and begins crying as she falls to the floor.
He’s quickly covered with people. Everyone wants to meet him and cry over him.
“Zenitsu!” Inosuke screams in his ear, sobbing. “We never thought you’d wake up! We thought you were dead!”
His voice is dead, but he still tries. “I was… for a while… I’m glad… I chose this.” His staple tears fall down his face as the hashira leave him, Tanjiro, and Inosuke alone.
“I’m 18…” Zenitsu is still stuck on this a month later.
“Yeah… you missed a ton. Uzui’s had a kid! They want you to meet him, he’s calling you Uncle Zeni.” Tanjiro talks his ear off on what he’s missed out on in the three years he’s been asleep.
Zenitsu gives a bright smile to both of them, they tell him they want him to move in with them.
“What? Move in together?” His voice is caught in his throat.
Inosuke smiles, “Yeah! I thought before this whole thing we were mates? Are we not?”
“Inosuke!” Tanjiro takes a hand over his mouth.
Zenitsu stares at the two before asking, “Mates…? Like dating?” His jealousy boils over in his body as he makes himself shrink, cowering his body into itself.
A heavy sigh comes from Tanjiro, “Yeah we’re dating… we want to date you, you you were in a coma. We weren’t sure if you were going to wake up or not, so we got together and moved into my old house.” He’s very blunt with what happened between the two, and suddenly his heart doesn’t hurt.
“Zenitsu?” Inosuke takes the blonds hand. “Will you be our mate?” Zenitsu feels a fat acorn between his palms.
“Yeah… that sounds amazing.” The cutest smile graces his face and before he knows it he’s being covered in kisses.
“You finally get to leave the mansion! I hope you have an amazing time in your new home!” Kanae gives him a hug after handing his bag to Inosuke.
“Yeah now your going to be on the opposite side of Japan, you better still visit or I’ll break into your home.” Tengen says while holding his son and newborn daughter, Tenko and Munui.
Zenitsu’s hands are overtaken by their much bigger and warmer ones. The sky is a pretty blue with just enough clouds.
He’ll restart, living his life the way he wants to. The scar is proof he was good, that’s all he needs. His boys by his side, helping him to not fall, keeping him warm as the chill passes his core.
He’ll get a choice in what to do, and this time… he’ll do it with a smile.