Chapter Text
It's been almost a month since they've defeteated Chuck, since Cas left, and Dean can't take that last moment out of his head, the things he said to him had never left his brain, he tried to ignore them but he really couldn't.
The truth is that he doesn't even know why is that, maybe he just misses Cas so much, or maybe it is something else... He tries not to think of that second option too much, because it hurts him, knowing that he won't be able to see him ever again, that this time he has really left. Forever. And that he can't change that. Thinking that is making his eyes water again.
Dean has lost count on how many times he has cried over that already, more that he'd like to admit. He doesn't like to show his feelings, never had, but this time is different for some reason, he can't hide them, because it's bigger than him this time. And Dean hates himself for that.
He wishes he could go back to that moment, to force himself to say something and not froze like he did, but he can't do that now, it's too late...
It's almost 4 a.m. now, and Dean has tried to force himself into sleeping, but he failed, "just as always" he thought, so he decides to go to the kitchen and grab hismelf a beer, to calm him down a little bit.
He's been sitting there for at least half an hour, just thinking, about how everything is over. Not just with Cas, but with everything, because they defeteated God, what else could he beat? there was nothing, of course he could always go on a hunt, even though he hadn't come out of the bunker in at least two weeks, he just didn't wanted to go on a hunt, at least not now.
He doesn't know if Sam feels the same way, at least he does come out of the bunker more often, mostly to see Eileen, so probably he's taking it better. That kinda makes Dean feel a little bit better, knowing that at leats one of them is doing okay, staying strong, just as he couldn't.
Dean decides to go to his room, to see if he could at least get a couple hours of sleep 'cause he knows he needs it. He has forgot what was the last time he slept an entire night without getting up at any moment and honestly, he doesn't care anymore.
He just wants him back, back to him.
Dean must have been more tired than he realized because the second he lied on the bed he felt asleep, thinking of him, dreaming of him, again.
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When Dean woke up it was almost 10 pm already, so he decided to get out of bed and try and be productive, 'just one more day' he thinks
'you can get through this, just one more time'
Once he gets to the kitchen he sees Sam there, He's with is phone doing God knows what.
"Morning, I made pancakes" Sam says without taking his eyes out of his phone.
"I'm not really hungry right now, but thanks" Dean says.
Sam finally turns off his phone to look at Dean, "Okay dude, what is wrong with you?"
"What?" Dean asks
"I underestand you are in a bad place now, but man, why don't you try and get over it? You have to do an effort, you haven't seen sunlitgh in weeks Dean, Weeks" he says, remarking that last word in a way to make Dean underestand the gravity on the situation.
"What the fuck do you want me to do? You really think I'm not trying? This is more difficult than it seems." Dean says offended.
"Dean, I've lost him too, and believe me, it's hard for me too, but that doesn't mean I just have to give up on my life, why don't you go on a hunt or something?"
"I don't really want to now." Dean says sitting at the table.
"Yeah, so you are not deepressed, okay" Sam says sarcastic.
"Fuck off" Dean says turning his head down to look at his phone and ignore his brother.
"I'm gonna go to spend the day with Eileen, why don't you come out a bit too? It'll be good for you."
"I'll think about it" Dean answers, going to serve himself some pancakes, he was actually hungry.
"You know what?" Sam starts. "I've found that there is a new theme park a couple of towns from here, wanna go check that out?"
"Of course, a theme park, what are we? kids??" Dean says.
"C'mon it'll be fun, give it a try, take it as an opportunity of starting again."
Dean didn't wanted to start again, he just wanted it to be over. Even he felt that way he said "alright, we'll go." He really didn't wanted to go, but what could he lose? It won't hurt him right?
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The rest of the afternoon was just as yesterday, Dean in his room, maybe watching a movie, or a show, depending on how he feels that day, doing anything to distract him from reality. It was like that until someone knocked at his door just to see it open a second later, it was Sam, of course, who else could it be?
"Hey, I'm leaving now, but Jack's here, he says he wants to talk to you" Sam says.
What did Jack want now?
"Tell him I'll be there in a second" Dean says turning off his laptop to get up, his legs hurted because of how much time he hasn't moved them.
Dean waits a little bit until he feels strong enough to get out of his room, and to talk to someone other than his brother.
When he gets to the living room Sam has already left and Jack was standing there waiting.
"Hey kiddo, what's up?" Dean says trying to look more motivated than he actually was.
"Hello Dean, I've been wanting to talk to you" Jack says.
"It's something wrong?" Dean asks worried.
"Look Dean," Jack starts "I've been observing you, and I think you are not okay"
"Come on, you too? It's not that big of a deal really." Dean says, because he is too tired to talk about this again.
"Dean, I'm serious." Jack says "I don't like seeing you sad, neither of us does, so..." Jack stops like trying to find the words. "I"ve brougth you a gift."
"A gift?" Dean asks confused.
And then Jack just dissapeared, okay, perfect, what kind of "gift" could Jack bring him to make him happy? And then he realised, 'no' He thought 'He doesn't mean that does he?' 'It can't be'. "Accept it Dean" his inner voice said "He is not coming back."
And then. He heard it, behind him.
"Hello Dean".