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Kelly woke Robbie up by shaking his shoulder. “What?” Robbie grumbled. Then he felt the pain radiating from Kelly.
“Can Carter come to bed?”
Robbie blinked the sleep away from his eyes. “This bed?”
“Yes.” Kelly bit his lip. “I can’t sleep. He’s on the porch, hurting so bad that it’s keeping me awake. He told me to go to bed, but I can’t stop feeling him.”
Robbie knew Kelly could have muted the bond if he wanted to, dampened the feeling enough to be able to sleep. But Kelly never would. That was part of the reason Robbie loved him. One reason of many.
“Yeah,” Robbie said. “Go get him.”
Kelly pecked his cheek, and then he was out of the bed and heading out the door. Robbie listened to his feet on the stairs, the front door opening, his soft voice outside, two sets of feet returning up the stairs.
“Go on,” Kelly said. “You get the middle.”
The bed dipped, and Robbie was surrounded by Carter’s scent, though it was bitter with sadness. Without opening his eyes, he patted the space in front of him. “C’mere.”
He felt Carter’s back press into his chest, and he wrapped his arm around him. He placed his hand over Carter’s heart, covering it as it steadied.
Kelly plastered himself against Carter’s front, reaching his arm across them to rest on Robbie’s waist.
“There you go,” Kelly said. “Okay?”
Carter squirmed. “I’m nauseous.”
Robbie held him tighter. He wanted to squeeze the sorrow out of him. He knew he couldn’t, not really, but he wanted to try anyway.
The sheets rustled as Kelly nuzzled into his brother. Robbie’s heart ached, thrumming along the painful tethers between them, stretched thin with Carter’s misery.
One day, Robbie promised him silently, one day we’ll do this with him here too, and then you won’t be sad.
He pressed a kiss to the back of Carter’s neck. Carter had become fairly proficient in silently crying, but he couldn’t prevent them from smelling his salty tears.
“My Carter,” Kelly whispered. “Shh, I know it hurts. Try to sleep.”
“I can’t.” Carter’s voice hitched, and it was thick with tears. “It’s the worst at night.”
Kelly hummed and stroked his hair. Robbie could feel the movement so close to his own head. He pressed his full body against Carter as if his touch could soak up some of the pain, make Carter’s load easier to bear.
“I know,” Kelly said. “It was for me too.”
A lance of agony shot through Robbie’s chest. He could very well imagine the brothers reversing roles, Carter comforting Kelly after Robbie had disappeared not so long ago.
Below the sadness, fury bubbled inside him. Robert Livingstone was the cause of so much pain in this family, and he was going to pay as soon as they could find him.
“Do you want me to read to you?” Kelly asked.
Kelly had become an avid reader in Robbie’s absence. It hadn’t seemed strange to him until he had restored his memories; before Livingstone took Robbie, Kelly had never indicated any special love for books. But now, the bookshelf in their room was stuffed with books Kelly had acquired and devoured in his absence. Since his return, Kelly had purchased even more, stacking them on the floor beside the bookshelf.
When Robbie asked, Kelly had explained that Carter read to him when he was missing Robbie most. In the early days of Robbie’s absence, it was the only thing that would quiet his mind enough for him to get reprieve, even just briefly.
Eventually, he was able manage his pain enough to read on his own. “It helped to go somewhere else,” he’d said, “because I couldn’t stand to be here without you.”
Carter murmured something that sounded like yes, and Kelly turned on the bedside lamp. He got out of bed and went to the bookshelf, murmuring an apology for the brightness. Robbie didn’t care. His face was buried in Carter’s hair and his eyes were closed tight.
Kelly’s finger made a rhythmic tapping as his ran it over the spines of books double stacked on his shelf.
“I think you’ll like this one,” he said softly, pulling a book out and returning to bed.
Kelly settled in close, and began reading in a soft voice, starting from chapter one. Robbie didn’t recognize the book — it sounded like some fantasy adventure novel — but Carter seemed to relax in his arms.
Robbie could tell the moment Carter fell asleep. His breathing slowed, and his heart did too, thumping even and strong in his chest. He relaxed too, some of the tension leaving his body. He didn’t fully sink into the bed, not like he used to. Even in sleep, he held onto a bit of discontent.
Robbie was familiar with the nagging feeling of restlessness that gnawed at his bones when he had been separated from Kelly. It had pestered him even when his memories were lost, the inability to relax completely, the unshakeable sensation that he had left something behind.
Robbie could only imagine it was worse for Carter. He knew what it was, but he couldn’t get any reprieve. So far, Gavin had been untraceable. Robbie hugged him tighter.
Kelly read on for several more minutes. Robbie inhaled the scent of Carter’s hair and listened to Kelly’s voice until he too was on the verge of sleep. That’s when Kelly closed the book and turned out the light. Carter barely stirred when Kelly snuggled up to his chest, tucking his head under Carter’s chin.
Kelly’s arm reached across their waists against to fall across Robbie, and a warm hand splayed across Robbie’s lower back.
Love. Robbie thought at it, pushing all his affection and heartache through the bond. LoveMatePackSorryHurtBrother.
He felt Kelly acknowledge him through the bond and return the sentiment. Robbie held onto them both and let himself drift off. He had his mate, his needs were met, so he could focus on giving Carter the tools to survive this.