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Akira’s hands shook as he again tried to tap the Metaverse Navigator, and then he dropped his phone into his lap. His regular camera app again... Why couldn’t he hit the Nav? He’d tried so many times that the screen had tried to shut off a few times when he tried to aim it, and...
He just wanted to open the Nav. But it was like his fingers wouldn’t let him.
It was so easy, too. He just needed to open it and click the only entry in the search history. That was it. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t get his hands to stop shaking either, no matter how hard he tried. They just wouldn’t stop, and he just-
“Hey... Are you okay?”
He looked up through blurry and half-lidded eyes to see a woman in front of him. A stranger, someone he didn’t know... But she looked concerned. She looked so concerned for him, like she hadn’t ever seen someone in such a state like he was before.
“Mmm...”
“Are you okay?” The woman tried again, as if he hadn’t heard her the first time. She even knelt down in front of him, like he was some kind of scared puppy that she was trying to comfort. She was too close, too close, way too close, just go away, leave him alone-
“M-” Akira took a sharp breath and just nodded. Nodded because he didn’t want to speak, because he couldn’t speak. His voice was gone, left behind to someone that he would much rather be. Left to a person that was way happier, to someone who he needed to be so desperately. “Mhm...”
The woman didn’t look convinced, but Akira wouldn’t be either. Not when his clothes were loose and there were tear lines staining his cheeks. Not when he looked like a wreck who had all but given up on life.
Then again, he had. He’d given up on life a long time ago, and he hadn’t even really lived this past year either. That entire year that he’d spent on probation was lived by someone else, by someone who was far happier than him and who lived in ignorant bliss until the year had ended. The person who his friends needed the most, including himself. He hadn’t “lived” in so long, if he was being realistic. He’d stopped living years ago, but as the month of January was slowly drawing to a close... He’d come close to living again.
Yeah, imagine that. The suicidal delinquent had started making an effort to live again with friends that technically weren’t his in the first place. He’d spoken to everyone and made friends with them... Sure, he lost his powers, but he had been starting to get better. He was getting closer to his goal day by day, but...
But where was all of that now?
Gone. That’s where. Now, he was just sitting here crying on the floor over a life that he didn’t even want, but people were still trying to force him to stay. Things would have been so much better if he had stayed as Ren, and yet... Yet no one would agree with him. Sumire kept insisting that he should stay as himself, just like everyone else was... But how could he stay as “himself” when he was stuck with this broken life? Why shouldn’t he keep striving to become the Ren? Everyone liked Ren without a doubt, and Ren had a happier life. His parents were nice, he hadn’t gotten himself arrested for a stupid reason...
Ren was a million times better than he was. Why couldn’t anyone else see that?
Akira watched as the woman walked away as if she hadn’t even seen him. Like he wasn’t even there. Not that it mattered, though. No one ever saw Akira Kurusu anyway. To the general public, Akira Kurusu was just some autistic weirdo who couldn’t speak to save his life and always sat in the corner because no one wanted to be friends with a weirdo. No one at juvie cared to talk to him, and whenever they did, it was nothing good. Usually, he was only ever met with fake promises about him getting out of there soon, or yelling. Always yelling. No one would have yelled at Ren, and he was sure of it. People actually liked Ren, after all.
So then, if people liked Ren, why was everyone trying to fight for Akira? Why not fight for the better person out of the two? Why didn’t people understand that Ren Amamiya was the better one?
He picked up his phone again with quaking hands. Maruki would understand, though. He knew he would. Maruki only ever had his best interests at heart... and Maruki had been the one who turned him into Ren in the first place. That was why he was sitting here outside the stadium, because he needed to talk to him. He needed Maruki to turn him back into Ren.
And he was so sure of that fact that his hands didn’t shake at all when he tried to open the Nav.
Akira managed to pull himself to his feet as the world melted around him. The passersby melted into pastel colors and vanished into nothing, since they didn’t exist inside the Palace. Cognitive versions of them might, but those were in the Palace. Not outside.
Surprisingly, the gate in front of the stadium was open this time, like something was trying to invite him inside. He didn’t really know why, but he was too mentally exhausted to try and figure out why or how. It was appreciated though, since his Metaverse outfit was gone, so he didn’t have that extra oomph to jump over a fence. He couldn’t even sense Raoul anymore, so he couldn’t blast it open either.
He ran, not walked, into the elevator into the Palace. The ride up felt so long, way too long, like there was an eternity and a half before he reached the top. His phone wouldn’t work due to something something Palace and Metaverse rules either, so he had to just... stand there while the sounds of the elevator grated his ears.
It was fine though. In just a few minutes, that wouldn’t bother him anymore, and he would be happy. Forever. For the rest of his life. He couldn’t wait.
When the elevator finally dinged, Akira dashed out and ran up the stairs. The way to Maruki was... Uh... Well, he didn’t exactly know where Maruki would be, but he could look around. It would be kind of hard because of the Shadows, but he could try. The area where Ren, Sumire, and Akechi had inspected seemed like as good a place to start as any. That area was just... up the stairs and across the balcony, right? Too bad there weren’t any safe rooms closer to the stadium, but he couldn’t really complain.
“M-M-Maaar- Maruki?”
He kind of stumbled when he ran, but even though he ran into several things and knocked some of the decor off of their stands, it was okay. He was just kind of clumsy and shaky right now, but he’d be fine in a few minutes. He’d be fine, so long as he kept his goal in mind.
How could Sumire say that being Ren wasn’t a good idea? Even Lavenza had said it too... It didn’t make any sense. Lavenza and Igor obviously wanted their Trickster back, and that was what he was trying to do. It wasn’t a bad idea, it was the best idea for everyone. Ren could lead the Phantom Thieves properly, and he could do his intended job for Igor and Lavenza. Everyone needed Ren, not Akira. This was what everyone needed, even if they didn’t know that yet. Even Akira needed it, because he was happier as Ren.
He couldn’t wait, really, to become Ren again. To be able to talk normally and not think so weirdly... To be able to blend into the crowd and make friends. To be the rival that Akechi adored, and the Trickster that Lavenza and Igor needed. The leader that the Phantom Thieves looked up to so much...
Akira couldn’t wait to be happy again.
Something painful suddenly knocked him to the ground, just as he was about to open the door and get a step closer to the stadium. He landed with a painful thump in the middle of the hallway, and his vision even blacked out for a few seconds. It hurt to breathe too, just like everything else. Just like how his back was now throbbing along with his front, or even the way his head started spinning again.
When he went to twist around to see what had happened, to see why a Shadow had managed to catch him in the first place, he was met by a cartoonish squeak and pain all over his back again. It was obviously some form of Miracle Punch, but those gloves didn’t usually do that much damage... Or was it the way it constantly knocked down Shadows that made it hurt more?
He did manage to flip over though, despite all the pain, to see a Bugs and a Nebiros staring at him. Just the two of them though. Two Shadows that normally, he would have no problems with destroying, but he... He didn’t have anything on him. No Atom Matches or Happy Bombs to give him some kind of advantage here.
So he’d have to make a break for it and hope it worked.
The problem was though, that once he tried to even get up, Bugs waved its hand and sucked the speed out of Akira, and then blasted his legs with a few shots of Triple Down until he screamed and his legs felt like they were numb and literally on fire from all the pain. When he tried to, just barely tried to drag himself away, Nebiros turned the air stagnant so he couldn’t stop coughing and then flicked its hand over him to make him scared.
Akira fell back onto the floor then, and even curled in on himself when he realized he couldn’t stop shaking. It all... It was all too much, he realized. Trying to become Ren, trying to ignore everyone telling him otherwise... Trying to decide what to do about Maruki and trying to adjust to everything again. Try, try, try... All he ever did was try. Never actually do anything, but simply try and likely fail too, because he was nothing but a screw-up.
A Psiodyne struck him suddenly, and he couldn’t stop the laugh that spilled out. What was funny? Nothing was funny. Not when he was lying on the floor and crying in front of two Shadows that he couldn’t even face. Ren would have, but Akira couldn’t. Akira couldn’t do anything, after all... And the one time he had tried to actually do something, he wound up at the mercy of two Shadows that were bound to kill him once they stopped playing their mind games.
But who cared, really? Who would care if he died in the middle of a Palace? It wasn’t like anyone would know, unless he happened to get stuck in the Velvet Room after he died... But he didn’t care about that either. Everything hurt now, and his head was starting to get more and more numb from the constant psychological spells being thrown at him. All the funny bright colors and funky shapes that twisted around until he laughed so hard that he couldn’t breathe... But he couldn’t breathe anyway with the way his lungs were tightening.
Though he couldn’t hear anything beyond the sound of his crying and laughing, somehow he could make out the beginnings of a more... whispery voice. A wail, but one that sounded almost ghostly. Ghastly Wail... The skill that Joker liked to use when he teamed up with Noir. The skill that would immediately end the existence of Shadows that they had scared, if they hadn’t already run away from them.
Akira wanted to run. He wanted to run so badly because he was so close to his goal, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t do anything but lay there because the fear left him paralyzed. He wanted to run to Maruki, to someone who could keep him safe, but how could he when he just wanted to lay there and cry?
The ghastly wail got louder, and Akira curled further in on himself. So Akira Kurusu, the person who couldn’t do anything right, would die from his own stupidity. At least it would be a mostly painless death, though... No need for any more suffering when it was an immediate thing.
But then it all stopped.
The Shadows laughing stopped, the sound of Ghastly Wail moving closer stopped, and the pain all over him stopped too. The numbness in his head began to fade too, gradually, but it was replaced by an aching exhaustion that made him want to slump over and fall asleep. That exhaustion, in fact, was the only thing keeping him from thinking that he had actually died, because why would he feel so exhausted if he was dead?
“...Kurusu?”
Akira whipped his head around behind him to see Maruki of all people standing just a few feet away from him. He looked beyond concerned, but Akira was a bit too dazed to catch onto why. All he could do was bring himself to his feet and take ragged, harsh breaths.
And then he ran toward Maruki. Practically threw himself onto him, in fact, like the way a child would hug a parent they hadn’t seen in a while.
“I- I- I’m s-s-s-so s-orr-rr-rry- sorry, I-”
“Whoa, whoa...” He felt Maruki return the hug, and even cart a hand through his hair like he was a parent comforting a child. “Why are you apologizing...?”
Akira took a sharp gasp of a breath, one that was so sharp that it left his chest burning. He coughed one, and then twice against Maruki, and gripped onto his jacket tightly. His head felt like mush and he wanted to scream, but at the same time, he couldn’t do anything but stand there. Why couldn’t he have died to those Shadows just a moment ago? At least then, he wouldn’t be suffering anymore... Because there would be nothing to suffer over when he was dead.
“C-Can’t do- do thi-thi-this ‘nymore...” He mumbled between body-wracking sobs, and buried his head further into Maruki’s chest. He was probably ruining his outfit right now, and he wanted to apologize for it, but he just... didn’t have the energy to. He didn’t have the energy to do anything anymore, really... He’d lost that a long, long time ago. “P-Please...”
Please, he couldn’t take this anymore. He couldn’t live like this anymore, knowing that if he went along with what his friends said, then he’d eventually have to go back home to parents that hated him. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t go back to Inaba when people hated him so much for doing something that he thought was right. He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t-
“Kurusu...” He heard Maruki sigh, and then felt him hold him tighter. “I’m sorry you’ve been suffering like this.” And just when Akira was starting to get used to the warmth of Maruki’s embrace, he was pulled away from it. Maruki looked at him with a smile, a very sweet smile not unlike the one from back when they had first met. One that was trustworthy, and promised safety. “But you don’t have to be like this anymore, okay?”
Already, Akira could feel his problems starting to melt away... Or maybe that was just his imagination. All at once, his breathing stabilized and his tears stopped flowing. He wasn’t happy yet like he wanted to be, but he was... somewhere close to that. A small state of clarity against everything else that had happened.
“I’ll bring you your happiness.” Maruki said, and Akira couldn’t help but feel hopeful by just hearing those words. Finally, the thing he’d been wanting for so long now... “For now, though... Just rest, okay?” When he put his hand on Akira’s head, a certain amount of drowsiness overcame him... But the comforting kind, like when you get into a warm bed. “I promise, when you wake up, you’ll be the happiest you’ve ever been.”
Akira couldn’t fight the yawn that overtook him, nor could he fight the tiredness he felt... But then again, he didn’t want to. Maruki said that he’d be happy once he woke up, so he was even kind of excited to go to sleep, if not just so he could wake up in the morning or... whenever it was that he woke up.
So he relaxed and closed his eyes, and let the comfort spread over him.
He sat up, slowly, and went to rub his eyes. Sunlight peeked at him from the side, and he winced quietly. Great... Just when he thought he could have one morning where he could wake up undisturbed... The sun just had to prove him wrong... Right. Well, at least it wasn’t Morgana beating him with a pillow again. That had been nothing short of annoying, especially when it meant that Sojiro and Wakaba had to come upstairs and separate them from a destructive pillow fight.
“Oh, you’re finally up?”
Annnnnd speak of the devil. Ren turned his head just a little bit to see Morgana sitting on the futon of their shared room and wearing the most devious smirk ever. He lowered his phone and chuckled while Ren climbed out of bed.
“I was close to hitting you with a pillow about ten minutes ago, but I stopped myself.”
Ren snorted and shook his head as he moved toward his box of clothes by the stairs. “Well, good on you for practicing self-restraint.” After he yawned again and rubbed at his eyes, he chuckled to himself and added, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Hey, there.” Morgana’s tone carried a bit of a warning in it. “I can still do it, you know.”
Ren just sighed. “Okay, sure. But you’ll be the one to explain it to Sojiro this time.”
He laughed when all he got in reply was Morgana’s quiet grumbling. That was just another win for him, he supposed... Too bad for Mona, but he couldn’t say he minded all that much. He deserved it for eating his dessert the other day.
When he was finally dressed properly for the day, he headed downstairs, where he found that Sojiro and Wakaba were still setting up for the day. Futaba was there too, but she was spinning herself around on a stool.
“Oh, yo!” She turned and waved at him rather erratically. “Did Mona smack ya’ again?”
Ren chuckled quietly and sat down in the stool beside her. “What do you think?”
“I think you two should find a better way to wake each other up.” Sojiro mumbled while he placed a cup in front of him. “It’s starting to get out of hand.”
“Aw, no it’s not.” Ren couldn’t help but wink, and then he turned to Futaba. “Any plans for today?”
“Not much.” She replied. “Might just help around the cafe like usual.”
“Not going to see anyone?”
“Pffff- Yeah right.” Futaba chuckled and shook her head. “Everyone else is busy, or did you forget?”
“Forget what?” He asked before taking a quick sip of the coffee in front of him. He winced and put it back down with a hum. Hot, probably taken from a very fresh pot... Likely the one Sojiro would be serving to his usual customers soon.
“Uh?” Futaba smirked, like Ren was telling a joke. “Not only is Setsubun in less than two weeks, but your guys’ final exams are coming up too! Everyone’s busy studying or doing their usual thing.”
Ren hummed again. Right, Setsubun... He didn’t know how he’d forgotten that. He always celebrated with his parents, except for last year when they had been too busy making sure his transfer into Tokyo went smoothly. Now he’d be celebrating it without them again, for the second year in a row... It kind of sucked. He could send them a text at least, though.
“...Even Ryuji’s studying?” He asked, despite already knowing the answer. Ryuji might not take studying seriously half the time, but he took track and his mom seriously. He’d be studying so hard that he’d turn into sentient words and numbers before the month was over.
“Hell yeah!”
Ren didn’t reply that time since his phone went off, and he quickly pulled it out of his pocket to check who it was. Maybe he could go hang out with someone today instead of cycling between doing dishes and studying... Not that he cared for doing dishes since it allowed him to hear some interesting stories from the customers, but studying... He didn’t like studying. It was a slog, if anything. Just stuff he already knew that he had to memorize all over again...
Sumire:
Senpai! ^^
Sumire:
If you’re not too busy studying, wanna come watch my gymnastics practice?
Ren sighed and glanced at the clock. Just a little after nine... He couldn’t really say he had anything planned besides studying for final exams, now that he was reminded about them (thanks, Futaba), so he could. So long as Sojiro didn’t need him to work at the cafe again.
“Boss.” He took another sip of his coffee before he continued, “Do you need me to work today?”
“You have to study, right?” When Ren shrugged, Sojiro just sighed. “Me and Wakaba can handle things here. It doesn’t usually get too crowded here anyway.”
“Put Mona to work instead!” Futaba did her finger wag thing that she apparently loved doing. “He’s too lazy for his own good. He’s practically a human cat with how much he sleeps!”
Ren snorted and shook his head. “Mona as a cat?” He mumbled as he typed a response. “Yeah, I’d love to see that.”
He entertained the thought for a second and felt his brows furrow. Morgana as a cat... No, that’s... No, no way. Morgana was human, obviously. Anyone could tell that Futaba had been joking, but...
Eh, it’s nothing. He was probably just tired or something, if the thought of Morgana as a cat was starting to feel familiar to him. On the same token (dou...) though, he also felt great. It was like back when he had first met Maruki, how he had walked out of that meeting feeling fresh and like a new “him”. He felt refreshed, like he could take on some of Sumire’s most intense gymnastics training and still walk out with enough energy to run a few miles with Ryuji.
Ren:
Yeah, I’m free!
Ren:
I can even bring you guys some extra water too.
Sumire:
Great! ^^
Sumire:
Meet at my house?
Ren:
Yup yup.
“Alright, gotta go.” Ren pushed his mug across the bar. “Can I get this to go, please?”
“Hah-” Wakaba turned around and placed her hand on her hip. “Now, mister, you know very well that Sojiro doesn’t give out to-go orders. Whatever you gotta do can wait a few minutes for you to slurp that down, now can’t it?”
“I-”
“Awww, Mom!” Futaba’s devious glint in her eyes sent a spike of fear through Ren, and he immediately turned to give her a look that she very quickly pretended like she didn’t see. “But Ren’s got a daaaate~!”
“I do not!” He immediately turned to face her, feigning being more angry than he actually was. He could never actually get angry at Futaba, or even Morgana for that matter but he didn’t have any siblings, or anyone sibling-like back in his hometown. He’d only ever heard about what it was like to have siblings from his friends back at home and TV, so it... was a bit weird. He might even be laying it on a little thick, in fact... “I’m just going to the Yoshizawas’ gymnastics practice!”
“Riiiiight.” Futaba leaned forward, and her smirk just grew. “And it tooooootally isn’t because Sumire asked you to come along, right?”
“I wouldn’t have thought to come along in the first place if she hadn’t asked me, so yes it is.”
“It’s a date then!”
Ren groaned and facepalmed. Well, facepalmed as well as he could when he was wearing glasses. Facepalmed his forehead, in a way. Forehead-palm... That- Never mind. That sounded terrible. “It’s not a date if her coach and everyone else she trains with is gonna be there.”
He watched as Futaba faltered for a moment, and then went to take a sip of his coffee. He’d just have to be late to watch Sumire, then... For now, he was curious to see where this would go.
“...Mooooom!” Futaba threw her head back and whined. “Renren’s being mean againnnnn!”
“I thought I told you only Ryuji could-”
“Calm down, you two.” Wakaba chided with a humorous sigh. “Futaba, stop pestering Ren and let him finish his coffee.”
Sojiro turned and stared directly at Ren. “He should also eat something before he leaves.”
“I’ll be fine.” Ren replied. “I can get something on the way.”
And then around twenty minutes later, when he was finally done with his coffee and had managed to push Futaba off of him fast enough to manage an escape, he made his way to the Yoshizawa residence. He brought his bag along with him of course, though it was sans any of his school books since those were all piled up on his work desk for... whenever he decided to get to work on studying. The lightness was... Well, it didn’t bother him, but it was kind of weird. Not weird enough for him to notice it all the time, but weird enough for him to notice it a few times as he walked. Maybe he needed a pet or something to carry around with him. A cat would be small enough, probably... But would Sojiro let him have a cat? Or, hell, would his parents let him have a cat?
He hummed, again, as he went to knock on a door. In just another month or two, he’d be heading back home... Really, Ren hadn’t been expecting to make such great friends in Tokyo. He had kind of just been expecting to... go to school and live with Sojiro, and then leave once his parents weren’t so busy with work. It kind of hurt to have to leave everyone... But he couldn’t just stay out here. He had friends back home too, and his parents would never let him be away from them for so long.
Maybe... When he finished high school, he could go to college somewhere in Tokyo?
The door in front of him opened, not really interrupting his thoughts but making it so he left them aside for later. That far into the future wasn’t something he really needed to be worrying about right now.
“Oh, you’re here-” Kasumi smiled at him cheerfully, and then held up a finger to Ren while she turned down the hallway. “Sumire! Your boyfriend’s here!”
Ren huffed quietly and cleared his throat. “She’s not my-”
“He’s not my boyfriend, Kas!!”
Kasumi rolled her eyes as a quiet response to her sister, and then leaned against the doorway when she faced Ren again. “She’s still getting ready, but feel free to come in!”
“Thanks... I think?” Ren chuckled quietly while he reached to brush his bangs aside again. Damn things couldn’t ever stay in place... Maybe he needed to invest in hair gel. “But I’m good. I can wait a... few minutes, I’m sure.”
“You’re pretty patient, then!” Kasumi chuckled as well. “Sumire’s been kind of nervous for this upcoming competition that we have even though I’ve been telling her that she’s going to do fine.”
Ren nodded. Seriously, what was going on with his hair? “I think she’ll do fine, too.”
“Might be why she asked you to come along.” Kasumi leaned forward and put a finger over her mouth. “She says it’s just because you could probably use a break from all the studying, but I see right through that!”
“Kas.” A deadpan tone came from behind, followed by a very deadpan looking Sumire. Likely a joke of an expression, though. “Would you stop pestering Senpai?”
“Riiiiight, right! Sorry!”
She still winked at Ren when Sumire wasn’t looking, though.
“I’m sorry, Senpai.” Sumire dipped into a quick bow, not one of respect for her upperclassman but of friendliness. “She’s been a bit more hyperactive, lately.” She smiled when Kasumi gasped. “You know how she is.”
“Right.” He stepped off the porch and nodded away from all of them, toward the street and... Well, he didn’t know the way to where they were going, but still. “Excited for the school year to end?”
Kasumi shook her head and bounced off the porch. “Excited for our final meet as first years, more like!”
When Sumire caught up to them after shutting the door, the way she sighed brought Ren’s thoughts back to his interaction with Futaba not too long ago. Kasumi and Sumire were also a sort of example as to what siblings were like, in a way... Loud playful fighting, but they still loved each other either way.
“Don’t forget to study for the exams, though.” Ren said, because he felt like he had at least some semblance of duty as the upperclassman to his friends. “You don’t wanna end up two years behind me, do you?”
“Of course not.” Sumire commented. “We’ve been studying plenty, don’t worry!”
Kasumi laughed suddenly and put her hand on her hip. “We’re still years ahead of you when it comes to gymnastics, though!”
Ren sighed and shook his head. “...Shut up.”
Ren sighed as Futaba’s hand tightened around his, and just shook his head. Only a few more days left until Setsubun, sure, but there also were a few more days left until final exams. He’d just decided to buckle down and study with the help of Wakaba, and now he was being dragged out of his room and all the way to Akihabara. What the fuck?
Not that he really cared, he liked spending time with Futaba, but he just kind of... really needed to study even though he didn’t exactly want to.
“Futaba.” He tried to pull his hand back again, but to no avail. “Why are we here?”
Futaba looked back at him and smiled. “Because you’ve been studying for too long!”
“I’ve been studying for a day.”
“Exactly! Way too long! You need a break.”
Ren just sighed quietly and put his other hand in his pocket. It was way too cold to be out this early, but he’d bite, he supposed. It definitely wasn’t helping with his impossible impulse to do literally anything but study, but it was fine. He could study later, maybe with the help of Wakaba if she wasn’t busy later on in the day like she usually was.
“Ope, wait a sec!”
Futaba suddenly let go of Ren’s hand and dashed over to a window, which gave Ren the opportunity he needed to run off. That was, if he actually wanted to, which he didn’t. Even though it was cold and he would much rather be sitting next to the heater in his room, he’d weather the storm for Futaba.
“They’re having a sale on a thiiiing!” She turned back to Ren and started bouncing (like a...). “Can I go buy it real quick!? It shouldn’t take that long, and then we can go look at the video games down the street!”
“Sure.” He shoved his hands in his pockets now that there’s nothing to keep him from doing so. “Take your time, okay?”
“Roger that!”
And when Futaba dashed into the store, Ren turned and walked back the way he came after a few seconds. It was cold, and he wasn’t going far anyway. So long as he remained in view of the store, Futaba should be able to find him. If not, she had her phone and blah, blah, blah...
He stopped next to a small capsule machine where a few kids were pooling their money to try and win prizes, and he quietly leaned against the wall behind him. It was cold, obviously, which meant that it wasn’t really a good thing to do if he was trying to warm up but... Oh well. He should’ve just gone in the store with Futaba instead, in hindsight. But again, oh well, that was his fault.
Ren kept a watchful eye on the store, though he couldn’t exactly see the inside of it. Just the people loitering outside and the people walking in and out. Hopefully Futaba wouldn’t take too long getting her thing, even though he had told her to take her time. He didn’t exactly want to freeze his ass off or anything like that. It was late January and it was practically fucking freezing... Yeah, no wonder he’d wanted to stay inside all day. Maybe he could still salvage it though, like he could splurge on video games and then spend the rest of his day playing them in his room. Yeah that sounded pretty good.
His eyes wandered off to the side, where the street faded behind the store and people were just walking past. Usually there was nothing of note there, and yet... Yet his eyes were drawn to it. There was nothing there, or so he assumed, but he just... couldn’t look away.
And then he blinked, everything quieted, and he saw it.
There, sitting directly on the corner of the street, was a door, but a door that seemed invisible to everyone else. Everyone else was ignoring it, and some were even walking through it like it wasn’t even there, but Ren could see it. A blue door with bars that looked almost like a prison, or at least the door to a prison.
It didn’t... look familiar to Ren... kind of. He didn’t really know what that mysterious blue door was, but at the same time, he... His heart wanted to say something different. It felt kind of familiar, like in a deja vu type of way, where you know you haven’t been somewhere but it still feels like you have.
And no matter how hard he tried to tell himself that it’s not familiar, he couldn’t help but reach further back into his mind to try and figure out what and why he thought it was something he knows. He reached further and further back to try and find it, all the way through his memories of the past year, but it was like there was a wall. Several walls, in fact. There was a wall where he’d been trying to search for something that occurred this past month, but it just wouldn't give no matter how hard he pushed against it, and there was something else further back in April of last year that won’t give either.
He brought a hand up to his head and squeezed his eyes shut. What is it? Why is there a door that only he can see, and why does it feel so fucking familiar? He’s never seen it before in his life, and he’s sure of it, but something in his head is trying to argue against that fact... Yet that “something” also doesn’t want to be remembered, like it’s something he doesn’t want to remember.
Like he’s... trying to block it out because he doesn’t like it, or there’s some other force way stronger than him that doesn’t want him to remember it for whatever reason. But what if he wants to remember it, no matter how painful it might be? What if he wants that choice for himself?
But he doesn’t want that choice, something else says like it’s so sure about what he wants. Ren can’t possibly want to know about the blue prison door, or about the blocked things in his memory because he wanted to forget them, he asked for them to be forgotten and-
“Ren?”
When Ren reopened his eyes, the door was nowhere in sight, and the music playing over the speakers wasn’t muted. The headache that had been starting to form was gone too, and the only thing he can notice is Futaba standing in front of him.
She frowned and brought her hand up to his forehead. “Are you okay? Is the cold getting to you or something?”
“No...” He replied, though it was quieter than how he usually spoke, and sounded almost unsure. When he spoke again, though, his voice was back to its normal volume, and there was even a smile in his voice like always. “I’m fine. Just a flash headache.”
“Mmmmm, do you need to sit down?”
“Nope, I’m all good.” He said, and he really believed it too. What was he even worrying about, anyway?
“If you’re sure.” Futaba looked like she believed him too, because why wouldn’t she? He was fine, after all. She held out the thing that she’d bought and smiled again. “Can I put this in your bag for now?”
Ren rolled his eyes, but took the thing anyway. “You know, I’m starting to think all I am to you is a bag and item carrier when you take me out like this.”
“Eep!” Futaba squeaked and hopped backwards. “Oh no, the subject has become self-aware! Abort mission!”
Ren faked an annoyed groan and Futaba dashed off while he readjusted his bag. Of course she’d say something like that... He didn’t usually like to make that big of a scene in big areas like this, but Futaba had already taken off, and he didn’t like to back off from a challenge.
“Get back here!”
“Nooooo!”
Ren hummed as he finally stopped his stride and leaned against the wall behind him. After many, many weird situations (like the one with Futaba a few days ago), he had finally decided to go take a walk to try and clear his head. Wakaba and Futaba had been more than supportive of the idea, Sojiro just told him to not stay out too late, and Morgana... Well, Morgana would probably eat anything that belonged to him in the refrigerator, so oh well. He could deal with that though, at least in exchange for peace of mind.
He sighed gently and watched his breath puff out in front of him, almost like he was some kind of smoker, and laughed when it curled into a weird shape. It didn’t take a genius to see some kind of connection between the fact that he was having weird episodes so close to the time when he’d be leaving Tokyo. He knew he’d be sad over it, but for it to affect him so badly that he was hallucinating blue doors everywhere he went? Yeah... maybe he needed to go to Takemi and ask for sleeping pills or something like that. Whatever would help with his weird episodes.
Today in particular, his walk had led him to the stadium outside Odaiba. He’d been aiming to go to the church in Kanda actually, to see if maybe using the confessional would be a good idea, but somehow his feet led him here instead.
Not like Odaiba was a bad place by any means, it was just a bit weird that he’d overshot his destination by such a large gap. There wasn’t exactly anything he wanted to do out here, especially since it seemed colder in this area, but he couldn’t say he wanted to leave either.
Like something was... drawing him here, for whatever reason.
“Ah! Wasn’t expecting to find you here.”
Ren perked up and turned to his left, where he was met by a smiling Akechi. “Hey there.” He said when his friend walked right up to him. “Wasn’t expecting to see you here either... Aren’t you busy with final exams and the college entrance exams?”
“Lots of exams coming my way, yes.” Akechi chuckled quietly while Ren smiled at him. “But I thought I could use a break for a little bit, so I decided to take a walk. Can I assume you’re doing the same?”
Ren, admittedly, hesitated before he gave his reply. He trusted Akechi, sure, but telling him that he’d been having weird episodes all the time recently, episodes that made him hallucinate seeing things on his phone or blue doors in every major city he went to? He wasn’t sure that was something he wanted to exactly tell him. There were just... some things that you didn’t tell to even your closest friends, and that was just that.
“...Yeah.” He said eventually, and just as he said it, something in him caved. “I’ve also been worried about... having to go home and stuff, so that’s been cutting into my studying time.”
Why did he say that, why, why, why-
Akechi hummed quietly and frowned. “Nothing too bad, I hope?” He reached to touch Ren’s forehead, just like Futaba had done the other day. “Though if it’s cutting into your study time, it might be considered something ‘bad’... Hm. Have you been getting enough sleep lately?”
“More than enough.” He replied while Akechi took his hand back. It was weird, usually he got just the right amount of sleep, and yet... Lately, he’d been sleeping in a lot. He didn’t normally do that.
Akechi nodded slowly. “As in you’ve been getting too much sleep?”
Ren just shrugged that time. “Does sleeping in until noon count as too much?”
“Yes, it does, Amamiya.” Akechi rolled his eyes, though he was clearly joking. “Definitely sounds like something to do with stress to me. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about it.”
“Gee, thanks, Captain Obvious.” Ren huffed and rolled his eyes too. “As if I didn’t already know that.”
“I mean, if you had already talked to her, you wouldn’t be having this problem in the first place, now would you?”
Ren blinked, and he even thought he saw some kind of a pastel haze form over his glasses for a second, kind of like the way bubbles looked under sunlight. It disappeared after a second or two though. “...What did you say?”
Akechi blinked as well and crossed his arms. “I just said that consulting your doctor would be much better than consulting me, as I’m not exactly a trained medical professional.” He leaned a bit forward. “Is your stress really that bad that it’s causing you to space out in regular conversation?”
Ren just bit down on his lip and looked off to the side, now feeling weirdly... embarrassed or ashamed for almost no reason. Great, now he was hearing things... Is hallucinating sounds a thing? Cause now he’s almost entirely certain that he has that too. There was literally no way he’s not losing it at this point, because he had completely misheard Akechi in a way that didn’t even seem possible. Mishearing words, yeah that’s normal, but mishearing entire sentences?
But before he could fully tumble down that rabbit hole of thoughts, Akechi suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him out of his head with a gentle smile. It was a quick thing, like his spiraling thoughts faded just as quickly as they had appeared, like they were never even there in the first place. And... What was he even worrying about, again?
“I have an idea on how to clear that troubled head of yours.” Akechi said with a reassuring smile, though there was also a bit of a smirk hidden behind the smile. “Something that should even keep you distracted for an hour or two, depending on how capable you are.”
Ren rolled his eyes, because he could already see where this was going. “Akechi, no-”
“What?” Akechi chuckled and gave Ren a tug, like he was trying to see if he was rooted to the spot or not. “A game of chess would surely clear your head, no?”
He sighed and took his hand back from Akechi’s grasp. “I mean, I guess, but-”
“So then what’s the issue?”
“We both have studying to do.”
Akechi just waved his hand dismissively, which seemed rather... out-of-character for him. Since when did Akechi not care about studying? “That can wait for later.”
“You really want to play a match, do you?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Painfully so.” Ren muttered with another sigh. “Fine, but you’re going to lose.”
Akechi laughed, like he’d heard the funniest joke ever. “Ren, have you forgotten about our scores?”
“Sure haven’t.” He leaned right into Akechi’s face and smirked at him. “But the odds might be in my favor today.”
“No,” Akechi said, “They’re not.”
“Is that a challenge?”
Like it was an answer to the question, Akechi just backed up and turned to walk to the station. Damn fucker. Ren could only sigh and go after him, but he just happened to look behind him for a moment, where he saw a... weird thing. Looked kind of like a tower, smack dab in the center of the stadium, but it was kind of... not really there. Like it would fade if he so much as blinked. He... hadn’t really considered it before. It was just kind of there, but now that he thought about it... It was kind of weird, no?
“Ren! Are you coming or not?”
“Coming!”
...What a weird thing, huh?
He slowly slinked out of bed while keeping an eye on Morgana because technically... he was supposed to be asleep right now. In fact, he usually was asleep, but something kept... bothering him, and it wouldn’t let him sleep. He’d even taken some of the sleeping pills that Takemi had recommended to him, but it hadn’t kicked in.
Well, no, they had kicked in, he just wasn’t... tired enough to go to sleep. Which was why he was heading downstairs. Doing some crossword puzzles or something had to make him sleepy enough, right?
And when he sat down on a stool, he opened his phone to clear away the late night messages from the group chat and caught sight of that... weird thing again.
It looked kind of like an app, not exactly one that he recognized ever downloading. It was white (or... maybe red...?) with a black decal over it that looked kind of like an eye. A weird thing overall, but whenever he tried to open it up, his finger missed and his regular camera app was opened instead. And the real kicker was that, whenever he stared at it, he swore he got like, fifty headaches because it didn’t really seem like it was there. It always looked like a trick of the light whenever he stared at it, like if he moved his phone back and forth then it wouldn’t exist at some angles.
But the thing is, there was no light in Leblanc right now. So how could it be a “trick of the light” if there wasn’t even any light to begin with?
Ren glanced at the clock and hummed. 11:45... It’d be February 3rd in just a few minutes, which meant that Setsubun was literally just around the corner. That would be exciting, he supposed, though he was still miffed that he couldn’t spend it with his parents this year.
...Why did thinking about February 3rd make him feel uneasy all of a sudden? Was there something he was supposed to do, aside from celebrate Setsubun with his friends? Sure, the final exams were right around the corner too but... aside from that, he couldn’t really think of anything.
But there was still dread burning in his gut, like when you regret something, but what did he have to regret? Was the fear of moving away really affecting him this much?
He slid off the stool and away from his phone to put some distance between him and the clock and made his way into the kitchen to try and take some deep breaths. This- This made no sense, why was he freaking out so badly? It was just Setsubun and his final exams that he needed to worry about. Was he feeling bad over staying up so late or something? But even then, why would he need to feel bad about it? He stayed up late sometimes, and this was out of his control, so it wasn’t anything to be feeling bad over.
But there was this loud, this very loud roar in the back of his mind that made him feel like the weight of the world was crashing down on him. Like he was to blame for so many things, things that he couldn’t even remember, but huge things that were so impossibly large that they couldn’t possibly belong to a teenager. Like he was at fault for something, but he couldn’t tell what that something was.
And he couldn’t help but think back to a few weeks ago, when he was hanging out with Sumire after school- But wait, no he wasn’t. That day, he had been helping Sojiro around the cafe to assist with a large rush of customers. Even Morgana had been helping because it was that bad and-
But no, something else tried so hard to insist, he was hanging out with Sumire. They had been talking about... They had been talking about...
Talking... about...
Ren barely felt his legs give out on him before he crashed into the tile and his knees burned like fire. He winced, and that should’ve been it, but something else in the back of his head was laughing at the irony of his knees being the thing to get hurt. After all, he had dealt with sore knees around the same time last year too, so it was some cruel type of irony.
But no, no he hadn’t dealt with any pain like this last year, he had been talking with his parents about what his move would be like and everything. Of course, it wouldn’t be for another two months, roughly, but he was still concerned about it. Concerned about leaving his town, his friends, his school... And all of that stress had piled up until his parents set him up with a meeting with Maruki, and then he’d felt all better after talking about his problems.
That was it.
Yet there was still something else, something that was screaming at him to remember because it made him feel like he was forgetting something really important. A very big important thing that seemed impossible to forget.
Just keep thinking, you’ll get there eventually, it told him even though he felt like he had no time at all anymore. Pretty soon it would be February 3rd and it would be too late to take it all back, everything would become permanent and there would be absolutely no way to reverse it because Maruki would have overwritten reality with his cognition and-
Wait... What? What was- No, what? Reality being changed? Maruki? Some kind of deadline? What was that about? What did it even mean? Deadlines... Deadlines... Didn’t he have some weird amount of history with that word? “Deadlines”... Weren’t there a lot of deadlines in the past year? And...
And... Wasn’t there... another one coming up...?
It had to be the final exams for school, right? There was nothing else it could be. Nothing else, nothing else... Unless it was the fact that he was going to be moving back to his hometown soon, but then...
Ren groaned and brought his hands up to his head, trying his hardest to stop shaking and start breathing normally because everything was suddenly arguing. Every memory he ever had was arguing with itself, his vision was arguing with itself and so was his hair. Everything was arguing and none of it would stop no matter how hard he tried. He just wanted to find out what was going on, why he was freaking out over the fact that it would be midnight any minute now, or the fact that he felt like he was forgetting something humongous. Like, Mementos level of-
...Mementos? What was that? No... No wait, that did sound familiar. He didn’t know why, or how, but the arguing in his head managed to settle down enough for him to know that, at least. So he knew a “Mementos”, but he can’t really tell why or even figure out what a “Mementos” was. But he knew that, at least, it was one of the things that he could agree on.
His thoughts were starting to get more and more erratic now, quickly bouncing from one topic to the next like how Futaba usually did... kind of. His thoughts were fuzzy though, but they felt more dominant than whatever else he was trying to think about. Thinking about Futaba led him to think about a pyramid in the desert and sitting in the back of a really hot van, and then-
And then he realized that his headache was getting stronger instead of calming down like he thought it should, and he cried out before he buried his fists in his hair.
Headache... Painful headache... Hadn’t this happened before? Back in April of last year, where there was a weakening wall in his memory, he had been... He had been in a lot of pain, at least on the day when he had first left to attend Shujin. He had been over half a day late though, because he had ran into Ryuji and they had gone into Kamoshida’s-
And then, Ren felt something shatter.
It was quick, and small, like something so minuscule that it didn’t even matter against the roaring in his head, but it happened, and he grabbed onto it for dear life. He hooked onto it as best as he could despite the thing trying to pull him away from it because he didn’t want it to go away. It was the first clear thought he could manage to form in the past few minutes, and he needed to figure out what was going on.
The thought that had come from the shatter, though it was unclear, told him many things. It made the walls in his memory clear... kind of. He couldn’t see January and February clearly, because there was a wall that he couldn’t clear. The wall told him that he was just hanging out with his friends and trying to adjust to school again after a long break, but he just... he couldn’t accept that. There had to be more, because his gut never lied to him.
He could clearly remember now, awakening to Arsène to protect Ryuji from Kamoshida, and then being there to witness the awakenings of every one of his friends. All of them, even Sumire, though... Though hers was weird and unclear to him. He was the leader of the Phantom Thieves, the group that went about the Metaverse to change the hearts of the wicked and help them change their ways. He remembered that now, so very clearly, and his turmoil felt like it was starting to settle.
And now that he could remember that, he could remember something else too. The only clear thing he remembered about January was a chip piece of the 2nd, when he had met up with Akechi and Sumire in Odaiba. That was it. Everything after that was locked away, sort of. Not really locked away like it was just a blur, but locked away behind other memories that he was used to but didn’t want to believe. Happy, casual memories of school and his friends that he normally wouldn’t have questioned, but now... Now they just seemed off. Like they were fallacious, and attempting to cover up something else.
...Or something.
But he needed, he just needed to figure it out even if his mind was actively trying to counter everything by putting something else in the way or making him think that he was just tired. It wasn’t that. He knew it wasn’t.
Ren stole a glance at the clock on the stove. 11:55. He was running out of time, but running out of time for what? He knew he was forgetting something big, but what? Something big was going to happen at midnight, but what? Why couldn’t he remember? Why didn’t he want himself to remember? Why was something actively trying to push him in the other direction when this was what he wanted? He needed to remember whatever it was because it felt urgent and things would all go to hell if he didn’t.
But, the roaring thing began to say, it wouldn’t matter anyway. It was already too late, since the deadline was in a few minutes and they hadn’t made it far enough for it to count. It was all his fault for being selfish, his fault, his fault, his fault-
Ren looked away from the clock and bit his lip. No, there was no way it was too late. It was never too late. There was always time to remedy things, no matter how late it seemed. It was fine. It would be okay. They just needed to work something out. Just because they hadn’t secured the infiltration route didn’t mean it was over. He could just rush through the Palace quickly with his Personas and then send the calling card to-
Infiltration route? Palace? Personas? He was familiar with that at least, but what did that even mean? There wasn’t any Palaces that they were-
No... wait... Wait, there was a Palace! He had gone into the Palace with Sumire and Akechi because there was something wrong with reality (everything makes sense now...) and there was a Palace visible without the need to be in the Metaverse, so obviously the two were connected. Then, they had learned that-
That...
He blinked, and a pastel haze shimmered over his eyes. They had learned that... That he wasn’t Ren. That he was never Ren Amamiya, but instead Akira Kurusu. Everything after that was a blur up until the Phantom Thieves had saved him from the Palace ruler and they had started their usual work on their final heist to take back reality.
But... But just who was the Palace ruler? That was the only detail that was missing here. It was all blank, and whenever he tried to think about them, the image was unclear. No face, no outfit... Like they weren’t even there, but they had to be there. There couldn’t be a Palace without a ruler. That just wasn’t how the Metaverse worked. Someone had to be the Palace ruler, and he just somehow knew that it was someone that he had met over the past year, but who?
Wait... Wait, he got it! It- It was so obvious, it was surprising he couldn’t think of it immediately. Someone who he had met before he had first moved to Tokyo. The person who had changed him into someone else, and who was trying to make him forget about everything so he didn’t have to worry.
The Palace ruler was Mar-
“Ren...?”
Ren blinked, and the turmoil in his head immediately seized, like someone had waved a wand and cast a spell. “...Yeah?”
...The clock read 12:00.
“Mmmph...” Morgana rubbed his eye and leaned against the wall. “What are you doing on the floor...?”
“I... I dunno.” He said with a laugh, and rose to his feet. His phone had fallen asleep on the counter, but he couldn’t really say he remembered why he had brought it with him. Hadn’t he been wanting to just do some of the crossword puzzles until he got sleepy? “Guess I was more tired than I thought.”
“Well... maybe you shouldn’t be walking around.” Morgana shrugged, very obviously tired and only half-awake. He yawned rather loudly, almost in an animalistic way with how wide his mouth stretched open, “We should go t’ sleep... We have stuff in the morning.”
Ren turned around and snapped his fingers after grabbing his phone off the counter. He was starting to get more tired, now that he was thinking about it... Not to mention how busy things will be in the morning. “Oh yeah, happy Setsubun.”
“Mhm...” Morgana just waved his hand around and grabbed Ren’s wrist. He didn’t even ask before he turned and started dragging him upstairs. “Let’s just go to sleep...”
“Okay, okay! Calm down before you rip my arm off!”
Morgana grumbled something under his breath and Ren laughed while he checked his phone just to see if anyone was active at this hour of the night. Then again... why would they be, when it was a holiday?
The clock read 12:02 when Ren glanced at it before putting his phone in his pocket while he climbed up the stairs.
...Why had he been worried about the time, again?