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It was dusk by the time Inej came ashore. Perhaps it was just the effect of the golden light hitting every run-down building just so, setting the city aglow, but she realised that she'd missed Ketterdam. Some parts perhaps more than others, she acknowledged, as she sidestepped a rat scurrying for cover. She had already bid a good night to the rest of the ship's crew. Those from Ketterdam were in a rush to get to their homes and families, and the others were in a rush to find beer and lodgings before nightfall. Bone tired, she dragged her bags alone. There was no one waiting for her at the docks, but then, no one expected her arrival so soon. She wasn't sure what her plans were for her visit in Ketterdam, but the Crow Club would be her first port of call.
The club was full, as usual. Full of people, full of money, full of smoke. She scanned the crowd before she entered; old habits for a wraith. It didn't take long to find them. Nina's infectious laughter rang out above the din, drawing her gaze to Jesper and Wylan beside her, giggling no doubt at Nina's antics. Kaz sat opposite them. She felt a nervous pounding in her chest that reached her throat. He hadn't seen her yet, none of them had. She took the opportunity to watch him. He looked as handsome as ever, his hair a little longer than when she had seen him last. And he was smiling, perfect rows of teeth that seemed almost unfamiliar. Of course she had seen him smile before - but not like this.
He said something to Jesper, though she couldn't hear. Jesper shook his head, still laughing, and Kaz plucked a coin off the table and tossed it in the air. The blinking edge revolved in the air.
Kaz caught it in his palm. His bare palm - his gloves nowhere to be seen. His long white fingers closed over the coin.
He slammed the coin on table - heads or tails she couldn't tell, but he looked as triumphant as Jesper looked disappointed.
Inej barely had time to collect her thoughts before Nina spotted her and let out a joyful shriek. The four were immediately on their feet, and Inej found herself in a wonderful bear hug, crushed between Nina, Jesper and Wylan.
Once she'd escaped, she saw Kaz behind them, his posture a little tense.
With only a slight hesitation, he wrapped her arms around her. "We missed you, Wraith". She returned the hug, though mindful where she touched him- away from his exposed head and neck. It was much less boisterous, much more careful than the hug before. She couldn't feel his body heat, still she could feel his heart hammering beneath all his layers of clothing. He smelled like home. Like his old room that she used to sneak into at all hours of the night.
He released her, and she found herself speechless, swimming in confusion.
"You're back a bit early. I knew you would be. Missed us too much." He was teasing, but it was the truth.
"I did actually!" she returned, smiling at them all. But she couldn't ignore the elephant in the room any longer. "Kaz, your gloves. You're not wearing them."
He looked down at his own hands, fingers twitching self-consciously, as he seemed to weigh his response.
"I don't wear them all the time anymore. I've been sort of...practising"
"Practising what?"
"Practising...not wearing them." His tone was wry, his lips pressed together, and Inej almost regretted having asked him in front of everyone.
"He's been practising touching people!" Jesper interrupted, grinning, seemingly bursting to explain.
Kaz looked at him with daggers for eyes, though there was a hint of amusement."Saints, Jesper - must you put it that way? You make me sound like a pervert."
Inej sat down at the nearest table, her mind racing."What do you mean?"
"My fear of people...of skin." He grimaced slightly, though out of embarrassment or disgust Inej couldn't tell. "I realised if more people found out, it could have made me a target - how easy it would be to use it against me. So I've been acclimatising myself, very slowly."
"To touch?"
Kaz nodded, turning a little pink, then turned to Nina. "Nina was the biggest help, at first"
Inej wasn't sure why she felt a pulse of jealousy but Nina seemed to read her thoughts in her heartbeat. "He means my heartrending," Nina explained quickly. "You know how I can slow the heartbeat? I think it helps to calm the body in stress - and sometimes that soothes the mind too. So we'd start with Jesper or Wylan giving him just a little tap or a touch" she paused to mime tapping him on the arm "-while I'd heartrend him. Now he's gotten so used to it, he doesn't need my help at all really. He doesn't need to always wear his gloves anymore, he can even shake hands without them." Nina's voice was proud.
"Look at this!" Jesper excitedly extended a hand to Kaz, who looked mildly annoyed at this point, but obliged and shook it anyway.
Nina noticed Inej's befuddled expression must have realised she needed a moment to digest everything away from the group. "You two," she said, nodding towards Wylan and Jesper, "let's grab a drink." With that, she swiftly ushered Jesper and Wylan away, leaving Inej and Kaz alone together.
"So you're cured now?" Inej was still desperately trying to make sense of what she'd heard.
Kaz gave a somewhat derisive snort. "Cured? No. Not at all. What you're seeing now is after months of work, and still one bad day and I'm back at square one. Every morning I want to put on my gloves. I don't, but some days I only make it to breakfast before putting them back on."
She nodded, her heart giving a little squeeze. "But still, you're so much better. You wrote me all those letters. You never mentioned any of this. Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?"
"Would that have made you come home sooner?" His gaze was like looking into the sun; his expression was unreadable.
"So you've been doing it for me?" He didn't reply, but she knew him well enough to read the answer in his face. She shrugged. "I don't know if I would have come back earlier. I still wish I'd known."
"I didn't want to tell you because I didn't know if it would work. I still don't."
"You gave me an real hug tonight!" She was equal parts exasperation and pride.
"And I was terrified!" he chuckled, the tension between them dissipating.
"I could tell." She was laughing along with him now. She held out her hand towards his. "May I?" He nodded in response, and she wove her fingers through his. His hands were warm and smooth and pale from all those years in his gloves.
"Is that alright?"
He nodded, smiling. Inej felt her heart fluttering in her chest.
"And this?" She raised her other hand, lightly touching his cheek. His jaw tensed momentarily, but he covered her hand with his own, took a breath, and his face softened. She withdrew her hand when she saw the other Crows return.
Jesper approached from behind them, ruffling his hand through Kaz's hair playfully as he walked past. Kaz flinched, but having seen the culprit, he'd swatted Jesper's hand away playfully. Inej's jaw dropped.
Jesper must have noticed her expression."It's alright! I'm helping. Kaz said I could!"
Kaz smoothed his hair. "It's true. Probably unwise," he shot Jesper a mock glare. "But I did say he could."
It had been a long day for Inej. After spending an hour or so updating the group about her travels, she found herself more of a listener than a talker. Nina filled her in on all the news she had missed, and the group slipped effortlessly into their old, comfortable banter. As the conversation continued, Inej felt herself growing drowsy, her eyelids fluttering shut despite her efforts to stay awake. She must have succumbed to exhaustion, for the last sensation she felt before she fell asleep was leaning against Kaz, his arm around her.