Work Text:
December 26
7:00pm
David was sorting out the edges of his new puzzle when Yuna’s phone rang.
“I messed up,” he heard Shane say. Yuna immediately went to hockey but from the tone in Shane’s voice and the simmering tension he saw between Shane and Ilya the day before, David knew it was bigger than that. He listened to Yuna reassure their son better than he would have been able to. Yuna always knew the right things to say. But he also agreed with Shane that Ilya was lonely. No 29-year-old should spend more time with his boyfriend’s parents than he did with his boyfriend or his teammates and friends, but it seemed to David that’s exactly what Ilya did. David knew that was in large part because the only people who knew about Ilya and Shane in Ilya’s life were the Hollanders. How could Ilya be anything but lonely when he couldn’t share all of himself with anyone else?
“For what it’s worth, he likes being in Ottawa,” Yuna assured Shane. David knew what she was saying was right. Ilya did like his team and his coach. But David had also noticed a heaviness in Ilya that had grown worse in the past several months. Moments of quiet when the usually playful man stared into space, when the sparkle in his eyes had been snuffed out, but only when he didn’t think anyone was looking. David had often wished Ilya would talk to him in those moments. They would sit quietly, sorting through puzzle pieces and David would wish he knew what question to ask to get Ilya to talk and let out just a little of the burden.
Yuna ended the call with Shane and must have seen the concern on David’s face.
“You think I’m wrong?” she asked.
“Not entirely. But I think Ilya is good at saying the right thing and putting on a good face for us and for his team,” David said.
“It’ll be ok. You’ll see. Those boys love each other too much for it not to be.”
David nodded. He knew Yuna was right. But he also knew that while Shane had Yuna to reassure him, Ilya didn’t have anyone to call himself for the same support. He picked up his phone and sent a text to the man he would have never imagined would become his son, but who had burrowed into his heart as thoroughly as Shane had when David first held his baby in his arms. Maybe he didn’t know the right questions to ask or the right words to offer, but he did know he could be there for Ilya in his own way.
*****
December 27 10:07AM:
Shane: He still hasn’t called. What am I going to do?
Mom: Give him the time he needs.
Yuna bit her lip as she read Shane’s text.
“What’s wrong?” David asked.
“Shane still hasn’t heard from Ilya.”
David knew that look in her eye. She wanted to go full Yuna Hollander on the problem. He was unsurprised when the next words out of her mouth were,
“Maybe I should go over there and see if he’s ok.”
“Yuna,” David said with a warning in his voice.
“What?” she asked, a little defensively.
“I seem to recall you telling Shane to be cool for once in his life when he suggested he do that yesterday,” David pointed out.
“That’s different,” she said.
“How? How is it different?” he asked.
Yuna sighed. She knew it wasn’t different. For three and a half years she had tried to navigate the fine line knowing that Ilya needed a mother, and that she could never replace the one he lost. Not for the first time, she wished she could talk to Irina, ask her advice on how to be there for the beautiful human Irina had raised. Sure, Yuna had told Shane to be cool but his lack of chill had clearly come from her. She couldn’t just leave it, or Ilya, alone.
“I have to do something. I can’t just sit here. What if he thinks I don’t love him because he fought with Shane?” she asked, a little desperate.
“So tell him,” David suggested. “Text him,” he clarified. “If he needs time and space, he won’t want to see you or answer the phone. But you can still tell him.”
*****
Ilya had seen the text from Shane before his appointment with Galina but hadn’t looked at any of his other notifications. After he hung up with Shane, with the prospect of some space but the hope that they would be ok, Ilya finally felt ready to look at the rest of his texts. He saw notification from both of Shane’s parents. Obviously Shane had told them about the fight. Resentment started to build again, that Shane had them, that he had no one, that he was alone. He didn’t want to have to explain himself to the Hollanders; he could barely get it up to explain to Shane. He felt hollowed out from the last 24 hours. And part of him worried that these texts were going to be angry - that the Hollanders only cared about him when he didn’t hurt their son. But he opened David’s text, which had come in last night.
December 26 7:43PM
David: Puzzles and chicken parm on Wednesday?
Ilya let out a breath. He wiped away moisture from his eyes. David didn’t hate him. He could go over there in a few days and eat delicious food and sit quietly. David wouldn’t probe him but he might squeeze his shoulder and be there. That would be okay.
Ilya stared at the notification from Yuna, which had come in this morning. The preview showed the first two words - “You are” and Ilya’s mind went wild. Yuna was fiercely protective of Shane, and Ilya was more scared of her than any other person in the world. “You are a giant dickhead.” “You are dead to me.” “You are never welcome in my home again.” Ilya’s asshole brain spun out into everything she could say.
December 27 10:54AM
Yuna: You are one of the lights of my life.