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"Have you ever experimented?"
It was a silly question, one that was not meant to linger on Jay's mind for as long as it did.
Tim and Jay were close, not because they had to be, but because they genuinely cared for each other at the end of the day. Everything else may be turning to shit around them, but at least they had each other.
The two were discussing about their crushes, their non-existent love lives to each other. How Jay never felt comfortable in his relationships, how something was always missing from them. Tim was bisexual, and he made sure to let Jay know that but explaining all of his past crushes to him, which stung for some reason, but Jay was just happy to talk with him about everything under the sun. Tim paid attention to him, by biting his lip and holding his fingers up to his chin, pondering about what Jay just said. It made Jay feel good to be heard for once.
Jay wasn't gay, he couldn't be gay. He never thought about it, and anytime he felt a ting in his heart, or butterflies in his stomach, he passed it off as just some nausea from the food he ate, a girl just walked by him that he thought was pretty, clinging on every piece of excuse for how he can't be gay.
The slimmer man blinked up at him, processing the words. He's only ever kissed a women, and even then, he was way too awkward to end up having more intimate moments with them. Maybe a make out here and there, a peck on the lips, or cheek kisses, but never for too long. At the end of the day, Jay was always first to back up. It just didn't feel right.
"No, I've only really been with girls... Nothing worth explaining either, just tiny flings or dates, nothing special." Jay fiddled with his fingers under the blanket of their shared motel bed, the one Tim had to pick up an extra shift for.
"Have you ever wanted to...try? I mean, I felt the same way you did... nothing feeling right."
Jay bit his lip, ever since he was young, he's always wondered what it would be like to kiss another dude. Feel the lips of another man, and hold one close. However, it wasn't socially acceptable for something like that. He wouldn't be looked at the same if he did.
But he felt safe with Tim. Like Tim was the island from the sea Jay was drowning in. Something for him to cling to, his broad shoulders being able to ground him from whatever happened in the world around them.
"I wouldn't say no, but I doubt it'll be for very long." Jay gave a half laugh, scared to look up at Tim with his beat red face.
"Nothin' hurts to try just once." Tim did one of his half smiles, grabbing Jay's hand softly with his bigger hands, rubbing the palms of them with his fingers. Jay felt giddy, so giddy he thought he might throw up. He didn't know what he was feeling, but it was overwhelming, and enticing.
Slowly Tim pressed his lips to Jays, the two sharing a moment together with tiny breaths of air through their noses, moving in rhythm with each other. Jay's heart felt on fire, feeling like he was going to burst as the breath got trapped in his lungs.
The two separated, and Jay felt lightheaded, he wanted to do it again and again. He didn't know what he felt for Tim, but it certainly wasn't just friendship.
"T-That was..." Jay started, loss at words.
"Good?" Tim finished his sentence, something the two always had a knack for doing.
"Yeah- good. Great, even." Jay's face was on fire, his hands were sweating and he knew Tim could feel it, he was so embarrassed but he didn't care. He wanted to feel Tim's lips on his again. Something he never got when dating all those women years ago.
"Well, how do you feel?" Tim questioned his, smiling like he knows what he's done. How he made Jay feel all these things for him, how he caused Jay to get all flustered, drinking every bit of it.
"I-I don't know..." Jay whispered, and soon he came from his high, and then the waterworks came.
"I don't know, Tim. I've never... I've never felt like this before. I feel wanted? I guess? I feel like my heart is gonna burst out of my chest, I feel like I'm gonna collapse if I keep even looking at your face, I don't know what to do. I feel too good." Jay collapsed onto Tim's chest, wiping his tears on his plaid shirt.
"Hey, look at me, man." Tim pressed up Jay's chin, "I would never judge you for this, you're trying something out. Again, we're experimenting, okay? It's a new experience, I get it. You're gonna be alright..." He leaned in close to Jay's ear.
"Do you wanna try again?"
He wants to so bad. God, he wants to.
"Please?"
Jay shook under Tim, and Tim pressed him close, and kissed him once again.
And the world went silent again, even if it was just for another few moments, Jay can think about all of this later.
All he wants to do is kiss his Tim.