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“That’s it, enough!” Castiel growled.
It had happened many times before, but this was just one time too many. He heard the obscene noises as he was getting dressed after a nice long shower. The exaggerated moans of some girl, coming from the bedroom next to his own; Dean’s bedroom.
And it pissed Castiel off severely. Sharing an apartment with your best friend was easy. Tolerating said best friend’s many one night stands shouldn’t be that hard either, but for Castiel, it was. Because, sue him, he was pathetically in love with his best friend. Had been for ages. And although he'd tried to get over it, it wasn’t that simple. Dean brought home a new girl every weekend, and Castiel died a little inside whenever that happened.
A strange detail was that Dean hadn’t always been like that. Sure enough Dean used to have dates when they were still in college, and he would take a girl home on occasion, but not like this. The extreme behavior had started about a year ago, around the time that Castiel himself had been dating a guy named Balthazar. The only reason Castiel had dated the guy to begin with was because he'd hoped it would help him get over Dean, and Castiel had assumed that Dean had gotten bored when Castiel had less time for him, hence the sleeping around. But Castiel’s fling with Balthazar had been over for months now, and Dean was still sticking to the same pattern, screwing everything that moved.
“Oh, Dean…” The muffled sound of the girl whimpering Dean’s name invaded Castiel’s ears.
Jealousy was burning in Castiel’s veins like poison, and something within him snapped. He was done with this. He walked out of his room, slammed the door shut, collected his coat and car keys, and left the apartment in a rush.
He wanted out, he needed some time away from Dean. In the back of his mind he was already planning on moving out permanently…
~
Castiel found himself standing on his older brother’s doorstep, ringing the doorbell of the fancy mansion.
The door opened mere seconds later, and Gabriel greeted Castiel with a wide grin, completely ignoring Castiel’s sulky expression. No seriousness unless it was absolutely unavoidable; that was Gabriel in a nutshell, and Castiel had learned to accept that a long time ago.
“Little brother! To what do I owe the pleasure?” He asked as he held the door open and gestured for Castiel to come in.
“Some trouble with my roommate, is it alright if I stay here for a little bit? If you don’t mind, that is.” Castiel asked as he stepped into the spacious entrance hall.
Gabriel shrugged. “Of course, I have nothing planned for today, and I’m always happy to spend some quality time with my little bro.”
Castiel was tempted to roll his eyes, but he was just too grateful to have a distraction. Any distraction.
“I was just about to make some lunch, do you want something?” Gabriel asked as Castiel followed him to the kitchen.
“Yes, sure.” Castiel replied when he realized that he had hurried out of the apartment without having breakfast. “As long as it’s nothing sugary.” He added quickly, knowing his brother all too well.
“Wouldn’t think of it.” Gabriel said teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows at Castiel as he opened the fridge.
Castiel sat down at the kitchen island while Gabriel collected ingredients to make sandwiches.
“So, what’s up with you and Dean-o then, huh?” Gabriel pried as he worked on their food. “You two are always so close, I can’t imagine you dorks fighting, like ever.”
“I don’t particularly want to talk about it.” Castiel said sullenly, in no mood to elaborate.
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on! I’m your brother, you can be honest with me! Is this about your little crush on him?”
Castiel gasped, feeling slightly panicked. Gabe knew? How did he know? Castiel had never talked about this with anyone.
“How do you know?” Castiel blurted out, gaping at his brother.
There was a short silence as Gabriel set a plate with a turkey sandwich in front of Castiel, then sat down beside him with his own plate.
“It’s kinda obvious, the way you act around him. Actually, I had no idea until Anna brought it up after her birthday party when she saw the two of you interact. After that I started paying attention to it, to see if she was right. And yeah, she was right, you have it bad, little bro. Which reminds me, I still owe her fifty bucks, we made a bet because I didn’t believe her at first.” Gabriel said airily as if they were talking about the weather.
“Anna knows too?!” Castiel exclaimed, horrified at the knowledge that his sister also seemed to be aware of his feelings for Dean.
Gabriel only nodded, seeing as his mouth was stuffed with food.
Could this day get any worse?
The answer to that was: yes it could. Castiel felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He groaned as he checked the screen, and saw a new text message from Dean.
‘Heya Cas, where are you? You didn’t leave a note –Dean’
Another one of those stupid habits between the two of them. They usually always left each other notes when they went out, to tell the other where they were going. It had become some sort of tradition, but this morning leaving a note had been the last thing on Castiel’s mind.
He ignored the text, instead finishing his sandwich.
“Was that him?” Gabriel asked, sounding uncharacteristically earnest.
“Yes.” Castiel answered curtly.
“Aren’t you going to text him back, Cassie?”
“No, I told you, I need some time away from Dean.”
Gabriel shrugged. “Alright then… Your funeral.”
~
A few hours later, Castiel and Gabriel were hanging on the couch, watching some baseball game on the ridiculously huge plasma screen in the living room. Castiel had never been a big fan of sports, but it kept his mind occupied, and after a few beers he started to calm down a little.
That was until his moment of temporary peace was ruined when his phone buzzed in his pocket again. He sighed as he checked it.
‘Dean W Calling’
Castiel ignored. Gabriel said nothing, but Castiel could see that his older brother was glancing sideways with a look that was without a doubt judging him.
They continued to watch the game. After about twenty minutes, give or take, Castiel’s phone buzzed again. Another text.
‘Come on, Cas! Did you forget we were gonna look up Sammy at college today? You promised you’d come with’
Dammit. He’d totally forgotten about that. Dean’s younger brother Sam was away at college, but it was only a two hour drive, so every now and then they’d visit him there. Dean and Sam were really close, and Castiel and Sam also got along very well, so usually, Castiel agreed to joining Dean on these trips.
With a tight feeling in his chest, he still ignored.
The next text came only ten minutes later.
‘Pick up the phone, angel. It’s ok if you don’t wanna go, but I’m kinda starting to get worried here'
Castiel clenched his jaw. He hated when Dean called him that. It was a term of endearment, sure. But not one that should be used between friends. Not unless you wanted your ‘friend’ to get the wrong idea.
Again he ignored, the use of the nickname only adding fuel to the fire.
Gabriel at least had the decency to stay out of it, and he was quietly watching the game until dinner time came around. He offered to order a pizza, and Castiel was fine with it; anything was better than going home.
Castiel stared at the TV without really seeing anything as he heard Gabriel order their pizza’s in the background. The second Gabriel hung up the phone, the doorbell started ringing.
“Wow! They sure work fast.” Gabriel jokingly winked at Castiel as he passed him and headed for the front door.
Before Gabriel could even answer it, the sound of the doorbell was already followed by a loud, impatient ‘bang’ on the door.
“Jesus Christ, some people! Give me a second!” Castiel heard his brother curse in the distance.
Castiel’s heart stopped when out of the blue, he heard the familiar sound of Dean’s voice. He could only hear some bits and pieces of the conversation, but it was enough to stress him out.
‘Look, Gabriel… know you and I don’t get along that well… but I need your help… Looking for your brother… I think he’s missing…’
The low hum of Dean’s voice made Castiel wince in his seat. He held his breath as he listened for Gabriel’s reply, inwardly doing a prayer that his brother would cover for him.
‘Yeah Dean-o… Cas is fine… think you two really should talk though…’
Castiel swallowed thickly. Nowhere to run, nowhere the hide. Gabriel was going to betray him, wasn’t he?
And then Dean marched into the living room, furiously glaring at Castiel the second those green eyes fell on him.
“Seriously, Cas?! I have been worried sick about you! And you’re just chilling here, like nothing is wrong?!” Dean spat at him.
A stare that was nearly enough to freeze the entire room was exchanged between them.
Gabriel was standing in the doorway, holding up both of his hands. “Alrighty… I’ll leave you guys to it.” He muttered before hastily backing away and making himself scarce.
Dean completely ignored Gabriel, his eyes still firmly fixed on Castiel’s face.
“Well, aren’t you gonna say something, Cas?” Dean pushed. “I would’ve been fine with you not coming along, and it’s none of my business what you do, so if you changed plans and wanted to hang out with Gabe, that’s cool! But you could’ve told me! You didn’t even leave a note! And when you didn’t return any of my calls and texts, and your car was gone… I thought that maybe you’d gotten into an accident, or God knows what!”
Castiel took a deep breath as he got up from the couch, so that he was on Dean’s level. What should he do now? Lie? Make up an excuse? No, Dean would see right through that. Besides, Castiel couldn’t keep living like this. He needed to move out, get away from Dean, or he would never be able to move on with his life… The only option left was telling the truth, terrifying as that was.
“Look, Dean… I apologize if I made you worry, but I needed some time away from you.” He said determinedly, even though his voice was trembling.
“You needed time away from me?” Dean repeated Castiel’s words, his eyebrows shooting up, his freckled face turning red. “That’s fine! But you could’ve said so! Could’ve taken five seconds to text me and let me know that you weren’t dying somewhere along the side of the road!”
“I already said that I apologize!” Castiel answered, the volume of his voice going up to match Dean’s. “I’m sorry, alright! I just couldn’t deal with it any longer… Couldn’t deal with you.”
Dean looked frustrated and most of all confused. “Couldn’t deal with me?! What on earth have I done to you?”
“You’ve done nothing, Dean! That’s just it! This is to blame on me, not you…” Castiel said, taking a step closer to Dean without realizing it, so that they were right in each other’s space. “You have done nothing… You are just living your life like you’re supposed to, but I can no longer witness it. I have to think about what’s best for me, move out and find my own place.”
A frown formed on Dean’s forehead. For a second, he seemed more puzzled than angry.
“I can’t live with you anymore, Dean.” Castiel clarified when Dean stayed silent.
“What… Why?” Dean stammered. “Is it because I never do the laundry? Or because I drink the milk straight from the carton? Because I can work on that, Cas, I swear I can. We can work it out… I hate the idea of being apart from you…”
Guilt. Castiel was suddenly drowning in it, because as it was, Dean was nearly apologizing to him. But Castiel knew that he had to be strong. He had to, or he would never be able to let his best friend go and move on with his life.
“It’s not about that, Dean. I want to move out for… for personal reasons. Please trust me when I say it’s not about you, it is about me.” Cas said firmly.
“No…” Dean muttered, shaking his head. “Please don’t… We can at least talk about it. I can’t even remember life without you, angel.”
“Don’t call me that!” Castiel growled on an impulse, making Dean flinch visibly.
“What…” Dean whispered, his wide green eyes anxious.
“You can’t call me angel, Dean! Just like you can’t leave me notes and sign it with three kisses! You can’t sleep in my lap when we’re watching a movie!” Castiel ranted, all the floodgates finally opening. “I left this morning because I can’t take it anymore! I can’t take you hooking up with every random girl that you come across! I can’t take it because… Because I love you! Because I want you to be mine, and I know it’s never going to happen!”
The room turned impossibly silent. The only sound left came from a commercial on Gabriel’s television, the voice of an elderly woman who enthusiastically promoted some kind of washing detergent.
Castiel had expected all kinds of different reactions from Dean, but he was genuinely shocked when Dean sighed and pulled him into a warm embrace. Even though Castiel wanted to protest, it felt really good, and he found himself burying his head against Dean’s shoulder, Dean’s warm breath against the side of his face. Only now he realized how he’d been starving for Dean’s touch.
“I love you too, you know…” Dean whispered after a while.
Castiel’s insides constricted painfully as he stiffly put his hands on Dean’s lower back. “I’m aware that you care about me, Dean. But I meant the romantic kind of love.”
There was more silence, and it scared Castiel.
“I meant that, too…” Dean unexpectedly murmured against his ear after what felt like forever. “Why do you think I tried so hard to distract myself? At first I was so sure you only liked girls, and then you started dating that Balthazar guy, and I just lost it… I finally find out that you do like guys, but you didn’t like me… Not in that way… so I decided to go back to the basics, back to girls. Hoping that if I slept with enough of them, I’d forget about what I actually wanted. It didn’t work…”
“You… You want me?” Castiel asked, baffled, not sure if his ears were deceiving him or not.
“Yes… God, yes.” Dean’s breath tickled Castiel’s ear. “I just thought there was no point in saying it if you didn’t feel the same, but I love you, so much. Please, don’t move out before thinking this through… I need you, Cas.”
Tears were streaming down Castiel’s face. Tears of happiness, not anger or grief. They were soaking Dean’s shirt, but Dean didn’t seem to mind. He just held Castiel tighter.
When Castiel felt calmer, able to breathe again, he faced Dean with a shy, watery smile.
“Better?” Dean asked, lovingly stroking through Castiel’s hair while his other hand held on to Castiel’s waist.
“Much better…” Castiel answered, his lips were all of the sudden hungrily searching for Dean’s on their own accord, desperate to connect at last.
The two of them were caught up in a very heated kiss when Gabriel entered the room again, Dean whispering promises in Castiel’s ear of how Castiel would be the next person that Dean would make scream in pleasure, causing Castiel to shiver.
“Hey guys, the pizza is… here.” Gabriel paused when he saw what his brother and said brother’s roommate were up to. “Or… I could just offer you guys a room.”