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When Sae was little, she’d don an oversized hat she’d found in her mother’s closet and the black gloves she had swiped from her father’s coat and pretend she was a hero of justice.
“I’ll defeat you, Evil-doer!” she’d yell as she rushed her father with a pillow half her size dragging behind her and a determined look on her tiny face. “You won’t defeat me” he would answer with a frown before seizing her by the waist and rising her into the air where she’d trash wildly in a vain attempt to hit him.
Over time, a new member of the family would come into play. And a young Sae vowed to protect her from whatever dangers might arise. So armed with the knowledge that mere illness could take away your loved ones, she endeavored to become stronger.
By the time Makoto could drag Buchimaru-kun behind her, their father was working longer shifts and more often than not, she’d fall asleep clutching her black and white panda while waiting for him to come home. Thus, Sae made a promise to herself; clean the city from the inside, so their father would never have to work late again.
But no matter how much Sae wished to protect her little sister, evil was always around the corner and on the day their father died, she was reminded of the dangers that came with making the city a safer place for her sister to be in. She had to make sure no one walked free from their crimes.
No matter what.
The clink of a cup being placed on a saucer brought her out of her reverie.
Looking down, a sea of blackness tainted by earthly smells spiraling out of it beckoned her, daring her to take a sip from the beverage she had denied herself access since that fateful day on which she had threatened its maker.
“Was I punishing myself for failing?” she wondered as she brought the red cup to her lips. “Or was my pride so wounded I dared not set foot in this place?”. A bitterness filled her, and unmistakably she knew it was not because of her coffee.
Blinking, Sae focused on the lazy spirals steaming out of her cup, as if just waking up from a long dream they didn’t even know they were in. Maybe, that’s what happened to her, she mused.
Ever since her father’s death, life had seemed to drain away. Slowly, in a trickle, color had seeped from each aspect.
Makoto’s laugh, ever so present every time they’d play pretend in their living room and her fists of justice would fall to Sae’s tickle attack, had given way to happy squeals whenever their dad came home with a new Buchi-plush as compensation for missed events and then timid smiles when Sae would ask her about her day. Until their dad stopped coming home with apologies.
Until Sae stopped wasting time talking to her little sister in favour of becoming a prosecutor.
One day silence fell upon them, and she never noticed, because she had been deaf for so long, focused on what she thought important. She forgot to listen.
She gripped the cup in her hands and feared the red might extend to her hands. Had she been blind too? Blind to Makoto’s silent pleas for companionship?
No, she simply had chosen to ignore them. What was a missed dinner in pro of a late-night study session? A school event unattended in favour of a case?
Success was all that mattered, the void she had chosen to throw herself into to cope.
She would show them all they were wrong to leave her…and in that pursuit, forgot about the one person who remained.
God, if this cup would swallow her into its murky depths and spit her after, it would still taint her less than what her choices had.
If Makoto had gone, would she have cared? A traitorous voice in the back of her head seemed to mock her, daring her to answer.
Closing her eyes, she let her head hang; honestly, she would have sooner noticed Leblanc’s closure than Makoto’s absence.
She had a reason to check on the slow-paced coffee shop, even if it was for a case. But on Makoto? Ever since the Kaneshiro case, she had basically lived at the office and let her little sister fend for herself.
What kind of guardian was she, where she’d sooner threaten an old man doing his best for his adoptive daughter, than even dine with her only remaining family?
“Hey”
The sudden interruption shocked her like a lone thunder on a sunny day, and the dark liquid inside her cup trailed down the counter, making it rain onto her shoes. Looking towards the source of the noise, rich brown eyes, far warmer than she deserved, greeted her.
“Your coffee” the man behind the counter gestured to her cup. “It’s probably gone cold by now”. Was he uncomfortable with her taking so much time at his counter? The hand on the end of his black cowlick seemed to indicate so.
Before Sae could excuse herself, he continued. “I’m not judging if that’s how you prefer it. But over the years I’ve learned to enjoy it while it’s warm.” Suddenly, those eyes took a shine. “There’s no harm in pouring a new one, you know? Sometimes you just have to try again, until you find the right temperature”.
A dark blue cup was placed right next to her old one by the smiling barista. “So why don’t you give it a try?” And then it was gone, and in its place a somber look that betrayed his years surfaced; “or would you rather stick to your past?”.
Without waiting for an answer, the man retreated to the back of the kitchen at the end of the aisle, leaving behind the dripping cold liquid falling from the counter onto the floor and a steaming cup slowly swirling up.
Closing her eyes, Sae reached for the sky.