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“Tenn!”
It wasn’t a big deal.
It was just his name, being called in public, sure…but that wasn’t even what had made Tenn’s blood run cold, as if it was trying to freeze time and forcibly rewind it to replay that moment.
And yet his body was moving, eyes shadowed by a beautifully crafted hat moving faster to spot a cheerful head of red hair covered by a more inconspicuous cap.
There he was, walking at a steady but hurried pace to the photography set Tenn was currently occupying, waiting for the IDOLiSH7 centre that was supposed to do it with him.
“It’ll be good for us.”
For some reason, the exasperated words from Anesagi came to mind, said in her resigned-if-slightly-induldgent tone.
“The fans still adore the rivalry between TRIGGER and IDOLiSH7. And to have its two centres modelling for the charity’s clothing donation advertisement will increase both our favorability with the fans and those in the industry.”
Plus, it would have been just a good thing in general, Anesagi had not said.
“Ah, sorry, Tenn-nii—er, Kujo-san. I hope no one heard…” Riku’s slightly quieter voice broke through the random memory that had distracted Tenn…in more ways than one, too.
His twin’s dark eyes sparkled with the usual excitement they did whenever they worked together. And as much as Tenn tried to hide it, he couldn’t help the pitcher of fondness that—without his permission but willing reception—always filled his “empty, ice cold heart”…or so it was if Gaku was to be believed and listened to.
“It’s all right,” Tenn found himself saying, shaking his head and giving Riku his ever-present idol-behind-the-scenes smile. “I’m happy to be working with you again, Nanase-san.”
Riku’s head bobbed happily. “Likewise, Kujo-san!” he chirped back before turning to follow the stylist to the dressing rooms. In a smaller voice, he added, “I’m so happy to be working with Tenn-nii again!”
And that melted away the last of Tenn’s tension as he watched Riku happily chat with the stylist for the shoot.
Ah, that was laughable of me, getting worked up over something I misheard, he couldn’t help scoff to himself, slightly embarrassed.
He was at work, after all. There were more pressing things to worry about.
“You sure are pathetic, Tenn. It’s a wonder Nanase turned out as sweet as he did with something so bitter and sour spoiling him.”
Riku laughed a little at that. “Don’t say that, Yaotome-san,” he protested anyway, somehow still earnest as ever. “Tenn really is an angel!”
“Shut your mouth, Gaku,” Tenn snipped back, his neutral feeling towards Gaku suddenly dunked in acid yet again. “You wouldn’t get it being an”—his brain caught up to what his ears heard his brother say, causing him to weakly cough out—“…only child”
Gaku cast Tenn an irritated squint from across the table. “I like to think I have some experience being an older brother to you,” Gaku said, the contents of his words disgusting Tenn at the current moment. “Besides, you’re nothing like Izumi-ani.”
“Don’t compare my brother to Kujo-san,” the younger Izumi scoffed, though Tenn noticed that his eyes were sharply focused on him rather than at Gaku.
He noticed it too…I didn’t mishear, did I? Tenn thought.
He’d already forgotten the small moment during the photoshoot weeks ago, but the incident now brought the memory crawling at the forefront of his brain.
Then, Iori turned his eyes away, smirking slightly—and what exactly are you smirking about? Tenn, even more irked, wanted to snap.
“When it comes to older brothers, it’s clear as day that the superior older brother is nii-san,” Iori finished his statement without missing a beat that should have occupied his glance at Tenn.
It was Mitsuki’s turn to laugh, shoulder-checking the boy who looked as serious as death next to him. “Come on, Iori. You’re going to embarrass me again.”
At that, Gaku sighed. “See, Tenn? You could be as cute as Iori is to his brother.”
…which brought Tenn back to reality.
“You’re not my brother,” he affirmed without any inflection to his voice.
“Yep, Tenn-nii is my one and only brother,” Riku laughed, beaming brightly at said brother.
Tenn allowed himself the indignity of smiling back, a little softer than he usually would in front of Gaku—but this was Riku…and maybe he and Iori had misheard him. After all, the conversation they were having made absolutely no sense and followed absolutely no logical progression of thought. His brain was already scrambled in trying to keep up with Gaku’s idiotic logic, and there was no way Riku would…
“How in the world did Tenn make this feel just as bad as getting rejected from a girl…?” he heard Gaku mutter.
“The perils of being the nation’s angel, I suppose,” was Iori’s unsympathetically reply.
Yeah. In Tenn’s private opinion, this conversation was utterly useless.
Tenn stares at his parents. His real—that is. His biological parents.
“Hi, Tenn…” his mother awkwardly greets him, her face too clear for someone who is just pixels on a screen. “You’re looking well.”
Besides him, Riku waves enthusiastically. “Oka-san, Otou-san!”
“Hi, Riku. You’re also looking well! What’s the occasion?” His mother returns her younger son’s greeting with noticibly less awkwardness.
Tenn has to hold back a shudder for a moment.
These are the parents he’d abandoned.
(A smaller part of his brain whispers that these are the parents who had agreed to sign him off for Riku’s sake.)
They look…older…and happy…happier than they had before the video had started, that is. He’d seen the way their eyes had lit up at his presence, like they’d…shed something.
(Did they feel less guilty now? Did they even have a right to feel less guilty? It had been Tenn’s choice, after all.)
“What’s the occasion, boys?” his father prompts.
That, at least, helps Tenn swallow back the tears he didn’t even know he wanted to shed.
Right. He’s here for business…not anything else.
“Oh!! Actually…Tenn and I wanted to invite you two to a concert! We’re going to sing a duet together, the one you missed,” Riku excitedly chatters away before Tenn can.
His parents look startled for a second. “Is…is that okay…”
“Of course! We wanted to do this, especialy for you! At the very least, you have to hear Tenn and me sing together on a big stage,” Riku continues, and there’s something…eerily calm, even if still bright, about his tone. He doesn’t sound like the little brother that was excitedly asking “Tenn-nii” if they could sing “Incomplete Rulers together.”
Once again, Tenn can see his parents’ surprise—maybe shock.
Tenn also feels his mouth dry into silence.
I didn’t mishear after all. That was twice, he thinks, suddenly feeling those tears well up again.
But he will not cry in front of the people he can’t even call parents anymore. However…
“Otou-san, Oka-san.” He’ll allow himself that small indulgence, even if his voice is shaking repeating the titles he’d never thought he’d be able to utter again.
(He missed them. He was angry at them. He was so sorry…)
He can see his parents valiantly holding back their tears—they’re both just like Riku, wearing their emotions plain on their face. Or maybe Tenn is also like them…he doesn’t know if he’s even doing a good job masking the feelings that are carving out his heart.
“Tenn?” his father says his name…and the tone of it is too familiar, too…happy, too…much like he’s holding something precious.
“Um…” Tenn gives himself the smallest of moments to collect himself. “If it’s all right with you, can Riku and I deliver the concert tickets to you personally?”
“YES! We can have a family reuinion! That’s such a good idea, Tenn-nii!” Riku exclaims.
Tenn doesn’t glance sideways at his brother, but he does see him from the small box in the video call screen. Riku’s eyes are sparkling…and yet there’s also something in them that makes Tenn wonder if he’s being purposefully light in the moment.
My little brother is…growing up, Tenn thinks, which is ridiculous because of course Riku’s growing. They’re the same age, and Tenn has also grown.
“Ah, we’d love that…” his father mutters, then clears his throat and repeats more clearly. “We’d very much love to see you two boys again.”
“Tell me what you’d like to eat, too!” his mother adds quickly, smiling in a way that reminds Tenn of the smiles he gives the fans when he’s finished performing while sick. A little forced but not because he doesn’t want to give it to them. “It’ll be nice to cook for my s-sons again.”
If anyone heard her falter, then they didn’t show it.
“AH!” Riku suddenly shouts, standing up. He turns his wide eyes at Tenn. “Sorry, Tenn! I should tell Manager about this plan! Hopefully it won’t interfere with anything on the schedule! You can stay and talk to our parents more. Otou-san, Oka-san, I love you! Bye!”
And then he’s off, leaving Tenn with a heart that is either too full or too broken.
Riku leaves in a swift breeze, taking with him the only lifeline Tenn had in this moment and leaving it with silence and something a little salty.
“I-I should go too…” he stammers at his parents, forcing his eyes to look at them and his mouth to smile.
“Of course,” his mother tells him gently. The smile she wears is softer, less forced, more revealing. “It was so good to see you, Tenn. I love you.”
“We love you…and we’re sorry,” his father adds. “And we’re so proud of you both.”
So maybe Tenn’s heart had to break. Because now everything inside it is spilling into the rest of his body and overwhelming him with…everything. So he nods mutely, unable to repeat the words back before ending the call.
If the flood that had burst out of his heart and overwhelmed every part of him inside starts spilling out?
Well…that’s no one’s business.
Ryuu likes earnest people.
And the fact that Riku also veritably exhudes younger-brother energy makes it so much harder to resist the IDOLiSH7 centre’s charm.
So when Riku had privately pulled Gaku and him away to talk, he’d been more than happy to indulge—not least because they were also technically guests in IDOLiSH7’s new dorm.
“What’s up, Nanase?” Gaku had begun the conversation.
“Nothing! At least…there’s no problem…how do I say this…” Riku had seemed to be lost in his own thoughts a bit before he’d resolved himself to say, “I just wanted to say thank you. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for taking such good care of Tenn.”
Both Ryuu and Gaku stare at Riku a bit for that.
“Oh…well…I don’t know if we took that good—”
But Riku shakes his head. “No. You did. You protected him from Kujo-san. And even though I understand that man a bit better now, I still can’t like him or accept him for what he did to my family,” he says, the resolve and sincerity clear in his eyes. “And I couldn’t protect him from that—it was always Tenn-nii protecting me. But I never thanked you for doing the same to him, for being his friends… I don’t know if he even had that many friends when we were kids, since he was always rushing home to take care of and play with me. So again, thank you for being Tenn’s friend, for protecting him, and for singing with him.”
“Um…”
Gaku is clearly at loss for words, and before he can say anything to ruin the moment, Ryuu cuts in. “Of course, Riku. We’re always happy to care for your ‘Tenn-nii.’ He’s a good worker, and I’m glad we were able to get closer to him, aren’t we Gaku?”
“…ah, yeah. In truth, we were always curious about him, and you showing up also helped with that. So, um…thanks as well. And you’re welcome.”
The response could have used a bit more flourish, particularly given the way Riku’s words had touched the part of Ryuu’s heart that wanted to care for his younger brothers. Still, despite the lacklustre response, Riku looks…content. Ryuu had expected the younger man to beam at them or say something cheerful.
But he only repeats, “I’m really happy for Tenn, and though I’m a little jealous of you two, I’m more thankful than anything.”
“You did good, too, Nanase. Don’t sell yourself short,” Gaku mutters, scratching the back of his head and glancing at the door—slightly ajar—where they can hear the sounds of laughter and some drunken singing lightening even their heavier atmosphere.
“I won’t,” Riku laughs, closing his eyes and nodding. “After all, it took a long time to get where Tenn is at. I think…we can move forward now.” Then he shakes his head and is all smiles and cheer again. “That’s all I wanted to say! Thank you for hearing me out.”
His mood is infectious, and Ryuu finds himself grinning back. “Of course. Thank you for telling us all this. The words mean a lot coming from Tenn’s beloved brother.”
They all make their way back to the party, with Riku entering the fray first and immediately getting jumped by a drunk Sogo who gleefully latches onto him.
“RIKU! We missed you! You’re back! Yay!!”
Before they enter the party, though, Gaku stops Ryuu. “Hey, by the way, Ryuu…is it just me or did Nanase call Tenn ‘Tenn’ instead of his usual ‘Tenn-nii’? Did they fight?”
“Ah, you noticed that, too, huh?” Ryuu sighed. “I don’t think so, but it’s hard to know Riku’s feelings about his brother sometimes.”
But, of course, Gaku has to ask Tenn if he fought with his brother. And, as expected, Tenn scoffs at him and says that not all families are as dysfunctional as his, that Riku and he are perfectly fine. And, yes, Ryuu once again finds himself drowning out their argumenting with the alcohol sympathetically offered by Yamato.
Sometimes, little brothers and younger groupmates can be a handful.
Iori’s been noticing it from some time now, and he thinks Kujo has as well.
“Good to see you, Kujo-san! I look forward to working with you today again!” Riku greets, smiling with his usual delight at seeing his twin.
For example…Riku hasn’t once slipped up at calling Kujo Tenn by his proper name at work as of late.
“I look forward to it, too, Nanase-san,” is Tenn’s ever-smooth response.
“Don’t be so uptight, Tenn,” Gaku sighs, clapping his centre on the shoulder and nodding with a big grin at Riku and Iori. “It’s been a while since we’ve done a project together. You guys want to grab some lunch afterwards together? I’ll treat you as your senior.”
Riku glances back at Iori with wide, adorable, pleading eyes.
…ah. I still can’t resist those eyes.
“Well………we don’t have anything scheduled afterwards. MEZZO” has something right away after, though, so…it’ll just have to be the five of us,” Iori reluctantly agrees, doing his best not to let his gaze be drawn by the hallway’s ceiling light. “We can’t stay long, though. We’ll be meeting with a director for a new show.”
“Oooh…busy as ever, I see,” Gaku comments, then smiles. “Well, see you later then. Tenn looks like he’s about to murder me.”
“We can’t be late, after all. And you’re still not properly dressed…”
Their voices trail off into the distance, and Iori and Riku—who are dressed up and ready to begin filming—walk back to the dressing room where the other IDOLiSH7 members are waiting for them.
“I can’t wait to eat with Tenn later again…it really has been so long since we met outside work, longer than when we’ve met for work,” Riku is telling Iori, who is really only half paying attention and supplying Riku’s chatter with inane nods.
And then there’s this too, another thing he’s noticed.
He doesn’t think Riku has yet, though, and Iori’s not sure he ever will.
“Oh! I have to go now. It was nice to talk to you again!”
“Same here,” Tenn salutes his adoptive little sister. “Be safe and have fun!”
“Of course!” Aya agrees, waving at the camera. “Goodbye, Tenn-onii-chan!”
The video call ends, with Tenn’s basic screensaver greeting him.
Tenn-onii-chan…
It’s been a while since he’s heard anyone refer to him as such.
There had always been Riku before, who would ocassionally slip up and call him “Tenn-nii” on set, and not even bother to try and call him by something different when they were together off it. Key word being “had been.”
Tenn had spoken to Riku yesterday—over text.
Not once had Riku typed his name out as “Tenn-nii,” and Tenn wondered how purposeful that was. Riku had probably noticed by now—Riku was dense and oblivious, sure, but he was more self-aware than most people thought—but, apparently, it hadn’t changed the new natural.
That was what had bothered Tenn most, that this felt—for all intents and purposes—natural.
Against his will—maybe he’s possessed or maybe he’s simply drawn to it like a magnet—he reopens the chat and sees the evidence there…or not there, really.
Riku still had no qualms in referring to Tenn as his beloved older brother, or beloved twin, at least in private. But Tenn now has to face the reality that it really has been a while since he’s heard Riku refer to him by the beloved moniker of “Tenn-nii.”
I suppose that means we’re on the same level now, huh… Tenn thinks to himself, leaning back on the office chair and swivelling away from his desk.
Idiot…who said I acknowledged you as my equal? Tenn can’t help but think a little petulantly.
Maybe that was the point, though.
Riku didn’t need Tenn’s acknowledgement and approval anymore.
I never knew I had so much trouble letting go.
And did Tenn even deserve the right to feel so…regretful about it? He’d been the one who left first, after all. Maybe he could say that his parents had abandoned him, but Riku never had. Riku had always been chasing after him, and now…Tenn was the one holding onto the phantom of the Riku who had always been behind him.
But the real Riku is there, by my side…or maybe in front of me…
That Riku wasn’t walking with Tenn, either.
He was talking animatedly with Rokuya Nagi, bickering with Iori, laughing with Mitsuki, having his hair ruffled by Yamato, chattering softly with Sogo, playing with Tamaki…
As for Tenn?
“Tenn, what are you still doing in your room?”
As always, Gaku disrupts the moment with his presence.
“I thought you said your call with Aya would be short, but you’ve been here for nearly twenty minutes. We have to go,” Gaku continues, standing outside his room with his arms crossed.
Right…I have them, Tenn realises. Out loud, he stands up and walks towards Gaku. “You should learn to knock before entering.”
“Well, yeah? I haven’t entered yet. Are you coming or not?”
“Yes, yes,” Tenn waves aside, stepping past Gaku and smirking back at him. “Are you going to stand there or come?”
“You little—”
Tenn hears a defeated sigh while approaching the entryway.
“Boys, please don’t fight…again.”
The three of them exit Ryuu’s—or their—apartment to where Anesagi is waiting for them.
It’s not the family I thought I’d have. Far from it. It’s not perfect or whole, either…it wouldn’t be without Riku in it. But it’s okay. And he’s okay…
And it was enough.