Work Text:
Tsukasa had been doing well this week; he was down about two pounds since the last time he checked, sometime last week. WonderlandxShowtime’s new show was approaching hastily; the first show was tomorrow to be exact! Everyone was working the best they could, he was so proud of his troupe! Because of that, Tsukasa knew he had to play his part to make sure everything went well especially when being faced with a crowd. Appearance is everything for a star.
Tsukasa had been doing well this week. Restricting himself not too low to make sure he didn’t put their act in jeopardy, but not too high that he would be losing weight not nearly as fast as he wanted. Around 600-700 calories was enough for the boy with explicitly healthy options!
Tsukasa had been doing well this week. He looked at himself in the mirror pinching his waist, of course he could still stand to lose a few pounds, but for now he felt like he was good enough for his show tomorrow.
Tsukasa had-
He heard the downstairs door slam open and close, “Oni-Chan! I’m back from my date at the new bakery with the girls! Come down, I have a surprise for you hehe~” A bubbly voice shouted out, he knew it had to be Saki, but the implications of his predicament seemed alarming.
“Ah! Saki, I’ll be right down!” He quickly threw on his shirt and scrambled out of the bathroom to greet his wonderful little sister. Quickly enwrapping her in a hug, he threw a smile on his face. “How was your date!?”
The girl smiled back giggling as she lightly shook the boy off of her, “It was good! It’s funny, Honami said that she was out on a walk today and Shibao got lost. She had to scramble for 10 minutes to catch up to him on the street! Could you imagine! Anyway, the sweets were sooo delicious. We each got something and split them with each other! It was so good in fact I just had to bring something home for you!” Saki pulled out a medium sized food container from a plastic bag she had been carrying.“Ta-daa!~”
Tsukasa felt a slight panic creep up his spine. He looked at the box then back up to his sister, smile becoming strained. “Ah, Saki you shouldn’t have!” No really she shouldn't have. “Always looking out for others, I really do have the best little sister!” He spoke with fake sincerity grabbing the box she held out. “I got two, one for mom and one for you! I know dad isn’t too big on sweets, so I’m sure he won’t mind me not getting him anything. Go on and pick which one you want!”
Tsukasa held the box between his hands. He wasn’t planning on eating tonight, call it a pre-game before his show. He’ll just tell Saki he already ate before she got home! But… she went out of her way to buy this for him, and he can’t just go on without even paying the box any mind.
Saki stared at Tsukasa expectantly as he lifted the top off the box. The right side held a big piece of cheesecake with an assortment of berries scattered around it, as well as a healthy amount of whipped cream with raspberry syrup on top. The left side was a bright yellow mango danish that looked just as irresistible topped with a sprinkle of decorative sugar. He could practically smell the mango radiating off the semi-warm pastry.
Saliva in Tsukasa’s mouth started building up. Swallowing harshly, he quickly shut the box. “It all looks so delicable, thank you so much Saki! However, I just ate not too long ago. I'll decide which one I want later tonight, promise!” Tsukasa smiled, setting the box onto their kitchen island.
Saki hummed in a sing-song manner. “Hmm Hmm~ I knew you would like my choices. Well, I’m going to head in for the night. I wanna finish this one composition I’ve been working on. I’ll see you tomorrow, most likely at your show big bro, so good luck! Nighty night.” Saki runs upstairs before Tsukasa can even get the chance to warn her about the dangers of climbing them at such a rate.
He turns to look at the box once more. An empty feeling in his stomach began to grow. He closes his eyes and shakes his head. He’ll eat when the show is over, or even better pawn it off of one of his other sugar loving friends! Tsukasa licks his lips and takes a cup out of one of the kitchen cabinets filling it with water.
He doesn’t know why he’s still in the kitchen honestly. He had a perfectly fine nearly full cup of water in his room he had acquired earlier, but something in him wanted to linger around the box placed on the counter. Well, pull his leg! Perhaps a small piece of mango off the top of the danish wouldn’t hurt.. Plus fruits are kinda healthy! Tsukasa quickly disregarded the cup of water and opened the box. The danish stared at him, enticingly. He began reaching for a piece of the bright yellow fruit grasping it between his fingers.
What was he doing? His hand stayed in the air for an impossibly long time. Was he really going to risk it before their show tomorrow. He couldn’t tell what he was feeling in his stomach, guilt or hunger. Tsukasa swallowed thick saliva down again, and brought the sweet fruit to the tip of his tongue. Immediately he tasted the saccerine flavor and ate the rest of the small bite savoring it.
Tsukasa quickly closed the box. Enough is enough. There’s lines to be read and beauty sleep to catch up on! He took the water that was previously abandoned and speed-walked his way to the stairs. Nothing is going to tempt the boy no matter how delicious those sweets Saki brought back appeared.
Tsukasa mumbles over a few of his lines, slipping into his nightly wear. He sets his alarm to 8:30 am. Technically he didn’t have to arrive at the Wonder Stage until 12pm, however a star has to prepare himself accordingly! He flips the lightswitch in his room off before draping his warm and comfortable blankets onto his body. Hugging onto a pillow he closes his eyes preparing for a replenishing night.
Tsukasa’s stomach growls, the empty feeling only intensifying. He can almost taste the left over sugary sweet feeling he knows he can’t resist. Tsukasa turns over, trying to disregard the way his body is choosing to torment him. Shutting his eyes as tight as he before opening them only to be met with his bedroom door calling out for him to walk down and finish the mouthwatering pastry.
To be fair he didn’t eat much today.. just a few baby carrots with hummus. Maybe it won’t hurt to enjoy a treat especially after working so hard this week. Call it a celebration; it probably won’t do too much damage anyway. Hesitantly, Tsukasa lifts his body up and sneaks his way back into the kitchen immediately eyeing up the box of treats before him.
Pulling the lid off he picks up the mango pastry and holds it to his nose getting a final whiff of if before biting into it with much vigor. The pastry itself was perfectly flaky and buttery, its slight saltiness being a remarkable contrast to the sweet, slightly sour, taste of the fruit/mango purée in the middle. His stomach makes a creeping noise of pure happiness. Tsukasa lets out a hum in delight, shoving more of the pastry into his mouth.
His hunger took over quickly, chewing and swallowing the pure goodness of the pastry. Saki was right when she said the stuff they made is delicious. This is honestly to die for. Tsukasa pushes all of it in his mouth, closing his eyes and cherishes the flavor. He takes his pointer finger and picks up all the loose bits of sugar, licking it off the tips of each one individually.
The sugar fills his mind. Perhaps that’s why he’s not thinking right now as he takes his pinky finger and traces alongside the strawberry cheesecake. Of course he couldn’t just not have a small bite of it. I mean he already had a danish for crying out loud. It wouldn’t hurt to at least try the cheesecake.
Instead of taking his time to walk over and grab a fork or spoon he lifts up his pinky from the side and lets it just cut across the start of the cake. He brings it to his mouth. Absolutely delectable. The gnawing feeling in his stomach only intensifies as he picks the cheesecake up from the box holding it from the end and takes a big bite of it. A great balance of the original cheesecake flavor and the berries that pop in his mouth just complement each other so well. Tsukasa would be lying if he said he didn’t have a soft spot for fruit.
Bite after another he gets to the end with the perfectly hard yet soft crust and pushes the rest in. He lets it sit in his mouth resting the flavor on his tongue. He hums again, licking the crumbs he left on his lips and fingers. Closing his eyes he rests his hand on the table enjoying the feeling of contentment that comes with being fulfilled after eating something delicious… Eating?
He opens his eyes and stares at the empty box below him. A mess of crumbs are littered against the counter, and a sense of dread fills his body. He just ate the two things his sister brought home. Those two high calorie things his sister brought for him to share with his own mother.
Extreme sorrow was now apparent on his face. Not only did he eat two extremely unhealthy things but he also blatantly let down his sister. What the hell was wrong with him? He needs to clean this all up. Tsukasa takes the box and brushes the crumbs off the counter into the container. He walks to the trash can, shoving it deep inside where no one could even tell it was thrown away, a habit he picked up whenever he felt guilty for eating something.
Another pit found its way into Tsukasa’s stomach. He shouldn’t. No he couldn’t indulge especially after this.. Especially when everyone is waiting for him to be in perfect condition tomorrow. He looked at the snack cabinet. He truly is disgusting. Opening the door he grabbed a pack of cookies his mom bought. Not even opened yet. He tore the packaging open, stuffing them into his mouth one by one. Ravaging through them like some sort of wild animal.
They were small, caloric dense, and easy to fit into his mouth. He held the packaging in his hands and lowered himself to the floor continuously going through each row of cookies. He couldn’t even pay attention to the flavor anymore, only focusing on finishing them and feeling satisfied. What even happened to him to get him to feel like this?
He wanted the feeling of emptiness he had been harboring all week to finally subside. Go away. It was too late to stop now anyway. Why put an end to something he had already started. With the last one he made his way back to the trash can, shoving it all the way down where no one could bear witness to his shamefulness. Those cookies were meant for both him and Saki. How could he be so selfish?
This didn’t satisfy him. He made his way into the fridge. Tsukasa couldn’t stand the awfully sweet taste that now mocked him. He needed to wash it away. If he was being sensible he would choose water, but is that really what he wanted. Tsukasa found leftover Yakisoba he had made for Saki “and him” two nights ago. Without even warming the container up he simply grabbed them by his hand and gorged himself. He couldn’t care less of how he looked. He couldn’t care that they were dirtying his hands and face; he just needed substance.
Halfway through downing the noodles his stomach felt as if it was twisting. He couldn’t eat anymore. Reality started setting in just as fast as it had left him. Tsukasa stared down at his hands and the container. He felt like shit. He felt like sobbing.
Tsukasa lifted himself up and headed towards the kitchen sink. Leaning over it he did his best to rinse himself with running water over his hands. Bringing it up to his face as well. He could already feel the fat building up. Grabbing the counter he closed it and shoved it back to its original position in the fridge. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to feel the extreme disappointment in himself.
Clutching his stomach which only felt more uncomfortable as the seconds passed he pushed himself back upstairs into the bathroom. Tears pricked up in his eyes. He could feel the difference in his body. What kind of star would even act like this? Why couldn’t he just have control over himself like a normal person. Everything was going so well, he needed to make his friends proud. He needed to reverse this to at least gain some control… His eyes wandered over to the toilet beside him.
Tsukasa wouldn’t consider himself bulimic, well in the sense of throwing up. Exercising was a completely different story. Regardless it’s not like he never considered throwing up… it’s just when he tried in the past only little, if anything came out. However, this was dire. He needed this filth out of his body and fast. It was his fault he got like this.
He hunched over the toilet. He considered grabbing a toothbrush to use instead of simply his fingers, but his stomach already hurt enough and he was too tired to even get up at this point. Practically hyper focused on purging and feeling pure again. He held his fingers up to his mouth hesitant at first before shoving them deep inside his throat.
He felt his knuckles hit his teeth, but paid no mind. His throat burned; it was an extremely uncomfortable feeling. At first Tsukasa just gagged pathetically until something came up. He vomited into the toilet watching as a surprisingly large amount came out. He needed more. He needed to feel clean again.
There was this incredibly gross and dirty feeling that came with binging. It felt hot, sweaty, and humid; not to mention how greasy you begin to feel. His face was red from just how hot it was, combined with how hard it was to breathe when your fingers are practically being lodged in your throat he felt like ripping his clothes off his body.
Tsukasa gagged again and again before he finally felt like he was all used up. He took his fingers out and latched onto the paper towel roll. Quickly grabbing a handful he wiped his mouth and fingers, and flushed the toilet. He could only pray his sister was off in dream land to not hear her older, “respectable”, brother gagging himself with his fingers to undo such gluttony.
Tsukasa got up and stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were sunken and bloodshot. Tears and beads of sweat were drying up along his face. His disgusting cheeks, puffy and red, not to mention how terrible his throat stung.
Yet despite all that it felt almost cleansing, he almost felt a sense of accomplishment in getting rid of the grossness that plagued his body moments before. He took a deep breath and turned the faucet on. Cold water poured out and he quickly washed his face. He felt so tired.
Tsukasa stammered his way back to his bedroom not even bothering to brush his teeth despite being an advocate for everything hygiene related. He’ll clean himself up tomorrow morning… Hopefully he’ll look decent before the show, or else he would hate himself forever.
Tsukasa was doing well this week… Well, until now.