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“This might be unprofessional to say Mr. Stark, but I am rather surprised you didn’t get diagnosed earlier.”
Tony let out a small chuckle. Today was the final assessment, he answered every vague ass question the psychologist, Dr. Elizabeth Lonn, had for him. He dug up all the school reports he could find, told stories about things his dear ol’ dad didn’t like, and threw in a couple newspaper articles showing off his public meltdowns for good measure. All of it led to Dr. Lonn coming to the same conclusion Tony did only a little over a month ago. He is autistic.
“Yes well, I told you why that wasn’t the case.”
“Oh no, I understand that.” Dr. Lonn looked up at him, “Times were different, we didn’t have the knowledge we have now.”
“I think even with that knowledge it still would’ve gone nowhere.” Tony mumbled, crossing his arms and bouncing his leg.
“Maybe so, but we can’t change the past Mr. Stark.” Dr. Lonn softly smiled at him, “We can only focus on the now, and right now you are now diagnosed autistic.”
Tony let out a small smile.
“So what do you plan to do with this information?”
Tony looked up at her, slightly tilting his head, “What do you mean?”
“I hate to bring this up, but you are a very public figure.” She said, “So you do have to think about how you will go about this. You can make it public and have everyone know, but you are also fully entitled to your privacy. If you don’t want anyone else to know about this, then it’ll all stay safe and a secret.”
Tony let out a shaky breath. Of course, the public. This was one of many, many times he hated being famous. Of course there were days where he loves it, him having that status and money is how he was even able to get Dr. Lonn, and able to get her quick. He’s lucky in so many ways, but he hates the fact that he can’t have moments like this. He can’t just go to a psychologist, hell he can’t even go to the grocery store without the whole world knowing. He knows he’s privileged, more now than ever thanks to Peter, but these moments make him hate it.
“I know that’s a scary thought.” Dr. Lonn said, sensing his spiral, “But as I said in my first session with you, we are in a secure building in a mostly remote part of New York, and anything said in here stays here unless you say otherwise.” She saw him nod and continued, “Of course you have a bit more to think about than just ‘do I tell my family or not’, you have the public eye, but the world isn’t entitled to know everything about you, only you can decide that.” She looked at him and said, “It’s all your choice.”
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“So what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know Pep!” Tony got back to the Tower and told Pepper everything, the now official diagnosis, and the conversation that followed after. Currently Tony was pacing around the living room, freaking out over ‘The Choice’, “I’m tired of hiding who I am, yet I don’t want everyone to know what’s wrong with me!”
Pepper looked up at him, “Tony, there’s nothing wrong-“
“Yes there is! You know there is, I’m fucked up and everyone will-“
“Tony!”
“I’m sorry…” He stopped his pacing, not wanting to look her in the eyes. His foot tapped rapidly, breaths a little shallow, “I don’t know…”
“Hey hey, it’s ok.” Pepper walked over and put her hands on his shoulders. She ran them down his arm and linked his hands with his, softly rubbing his knuckles, “You don’t have to know right now, you don’t have to decide right now. Tony, you just got diagnosed an hour ago, allow yourself time to process all this, then we can worry about the public.”
“Yeah.” He took a deep breath, his foot tapping slowed down, “Yeah you’re right.”
She smirked, “I always am.”
Tony chuckled and started stimming with her hands. Rubbing and moving her fingers with his, twirling them in little circles, occasionally giving her hands a squeeze. Over the past month he’s been noticing what he does as stims, and a lot of it revolves around his hands and the need for them to do something. They always had to be moving, and to be moving not just his, but Pepper’s? This was one of his favorite stims, he always feels so calm, so loved. Being allowed so openly to stim, and for her to participate in it, means more to him than Pepper could ever understand.
Pepper softly smiled and leaned forward to kiss him, she let one hand go and moved it up to play with his hair, “No matter what you choose, no matter what happens, I will be here by your side.”
Tony nodded, looking down but smiling wide, “Yeah, I know, thank you Pep.”
“Anything to make you happy.” The two fully embraced, swaying side to side, both feeling the contentment and love from one another. No other worries about work or the press, it was only them in the world.
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They were walking down the street, the street they always take home, walking past the same building they see everyday, when from across the road they saw a guy walk out of the psychologist building. They normally wouldn’t bat an eye, they’ve seen guys and girls in fancy looking business suits come in and out of there, but this one made them do a double take. No, it can’t be… but it is, everybody would recognize him from a mile away. But why was he here? Why was Tony Stark walking out of the psychologist's office!?
They had to know.
They pulled out their phone.
*Snap*
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Two weeks have passed since his diagnosis. After Pepper he told Rhodey, Peter, and Happy, but so far no one else. Not that he hasn’t thought about it (more like he can’t stop thinking about it), for now though he’d rather keep it to his close family and friends. He might tell the team, but he doesn’t know how everyone would respond. Bruce would be ok with it, Clint could go either way, he has no idea how Natasha would respond, and Steve…
One thing he knows for sure is that he doesn’t plan on telling the public. That would cause way too much chaos and probably destroy his reputation, no one would trust him to run his business or hell, be Iron Man. So he’s gone quiet.
Right now he was enjoying his lab time with Peter, the two were working out and testing a couple new web shooting designs. They cleared out a section of the lab so that Peter has a wall he can shoot his webs at.
“Alright, shoot now.”
Peter pressed the button and three webs shot out, he stumbled back because of the sheer force and weight of three webs shooting out all at once. The first two ended up looking great, the last one was smaller in size and ended up lower on the wall, some even spilling onto the floor. Peter groaned, looking up to the ceiling and stomping his feet, “Fail againnnn!”
“It’s not a fail kid, last attempt only one worked and all were small in size, this is a massive improvement!” Tony walked over and ruffled his hair.
Peter pouted and leaned into him, “I know, it’s just frustrating, we’ve been working on this for weeks!”
“These things take time, you know that.” Tony looked down at him and sighed, rubbing his back, “I know it’s frustrating, but we’ll figure it out, we’re smart, alright?”
This time Peter sighed, “Yeah, think I wanna do something else now, my brain is fried and if I do any more work I might just cry.”
“Well we don’t want that, how about a movie?”
Peter’s pout immediately turned into a smile and he jumped up and down, “Ooo! Yes! Can we watch The Lion King? It’s been FOREVER since I’ve watched that movie-”
“-Didn’t we watch that a few months ago?”
“-And Ned and I had our Disney playlist on shuffle the other day and Hakuna Matata came on so it reminded me of the movie and I wanna watch it again!!”
Tony smirked, crossing his arms, “Doesn’t that movie make you cry though? I thought you said you didn’t want to cry?”
“Well technically you said you didn’t want to see me cry.” Peter saw Tony roll his eyes with a fond smile, which only made Peter’s smile grow, “And even then, it’s a good cry! A planned cry! A controlled, planned cry is good.”
“Oh so we’re writing down schedules for our cries now?” Tony chuckled and started heading upstairs to the living room, “Then I actually gotta dip out at 5:38 cus that’s when my scheduled cry is next.”
Peter giggled, flapping his hands, “Mr. Stark, it’s 5:51 now.”
“Well damn it kid, I missed my crying session. Gotta add another year of emotional repression because of you.”
Peter was now full on laughing, and Tony joined in, and soon after that he joined in on the hand flapping stim. He was slowly allowing himself to stim openly more and more. Sure he was always stimming in some way, but often times it was subtle, this wasn’t to him. But through the kid’s help and gentle encouragement, he’s been allowing himself to stim larger, at least in front of the people he told, which is still a massive step.
They were almost at the top when FRIDAY spoke through the elevator, “Boss, there is an incoming call from Dr. Elizabeth Lonn.”
Tony furrowed his brows, curious to what it might be about. The doors opened and Tony looked at Peter, “Go set up the tv and everything while I take this call, alright?”
“Ok Mr. Stark.” The two walked out together yet went their separate ways, before they were fully apart Peter asked, “Is everything ok? Why would she be calling?”
“I don’t know, things should be fine…” Now Tony’s heart started thumping. Peter left the room and Tony took a big deep breath before picking up the phone, “Tony Stark speaking.”
“Hello Mr. Stark.” There was a definite shakiness in her voice, which immediately made Tony even more anxious, “I have some rather unfortunate news.”
“Uh huh.” Tony gripped the phone tightly, “What is it?”
There was a shaky breath through the phone, “Our place has been hacked.”
Tony’s stomach immediately dropped.
“We have called the authorities to find who did it. All we know so far is that they’ve leaked many of our patients' documents, we don’t know how many yet, but yours was one of them.”
His heart started racing.
“I am so sorry Mr. Stark, we are planning on upgrading our security as soon as things get sorted out.”
“I-It’s… it’s ok. Shit happens, didn’t plan on it.” Tony let out a shaky breath, “I-I can give you my security systems, better… it’s better.”
“You don’t have to do that Mr. Stark, we… I understand if you have lost trust in us.”
Tony shook his head, then remembered it was a phone call so he had to speak, why was it so hard to speak , “No, no, i-it’s fine. Umm… thank you f-for uhh, letting me know.”
“Of course, we’ve been making these calls all day and will be continuing to make them. I hope the rest of your day goes better.”
“Mhmm…”
“Goodbye Mr. Stark.”
“Bye.”
The phone hung up and Tony immediately dropped to the ground. He checked his emails first and saw one from Pepper and the P.R. Department, the latter having a link to an article. His hands shook as he opened up the article.
*TONY STARK ACTUALLY HAS AUTISM? THESE PHOTOS MAY PROVE SO…
Anthony (Tony) Stark has been called many things throughout his now 46 years of life, but is it time to add autism to the list?
Photos were sent through an anonymous tipper, the first of which is the infamous celebrity walking out of Inner Insight Psychology Clinic. What would Tony be doing there?
The next five are of documents that supposedly show Tony’s log while being tested there, the final showing that he was officially approved of having autism.
What does this mean for Tony? How could having autism now affect how he runs Stark Industries? How does that affect his standing as Iron Man? Will Tony Stark tell the truth about this diagnosis?
Autism is a neurological disorder…*
He stopped reading the article, well… more like he was shaking so hard he dropped it right out of his hand. He curled into a ball as his breathing got quicker and quicker. They’re gonna know… they know!! The whole world knows. Everyone now knows of the fuck up that was Tony Stark. His father was right, he was a mistake, a waste of space, a pathetic excuse of a human. No true son of mine would ever behave like you do. Everything he created was going to go to waste, no one trusts him anymore, he could hardly trust himself. Can anyone trust him to do such a job? Maybe he should try to curl up more to the point of him sinking into a black hole of nothing-
Something was put around him, something soft, a bit of weight to it. He grabbed onto the edge and softly rubbed it. He slowly looked up and opened his eyes, when did he close them , and saw someone in front of him. He flinched, the person backed up a little. The person looked like they were taking deep breaths, maybe he should do that . He tried, gasped, failed. He could never calm down at this rate, he was gonna hyperventilate himself into dying, he let out an agonizing yell and banged his head against the wall.
He saw the person get up. Of course, they always leave, they always leave and it’s always his fault- The person was back, with a pillow, the person put the pillow behind him so he wouldn’t hurt himself from hitting his head. Of course, what an idiot, hurting myself over- The person went back to breathing, and talking? The person was counting, slow, easy. Tony once again tried to follow along, grabbing the pillow from his head and squeezing it against his chest, finding it a little bit easier to breathe.
Tony continued to take deep breaths, his mind slowly becoming clearer and clearer. He became aware of his surroundings, now recognizing the person in front of him, “P-Peter..?”
Peter had a small smile on his face, “Hey Mr. Stark, how… are you feeling?”
Tony let out a small, breathless chuckle, “Not… good.”
Peter chuckled too, “Yeah, I assumed.”
“I’m sorry kid…”
“No! No it’s ok! I just… what happened?. Was the call bad?”
“Yeah, guess you could say that.” Tony shakily sighed, “Inner Insight, the place I got my diagnosis. They uhh… they got hacked.”
“Oh no!” Peter exclaimed. After a few moments he thought about what that meant, he sunk further into the ground, “Oh no…”
Tony gulped, taking shaky deep breaths.
“Your diagnosis, the files, did they…?” He couldn’t finish, but they both knew what was left unsaid. Further confirmed by Tony nodding his head. Peter gasped, Tony curled in on himself and hid his face in the pillow.
“Can I hug you Mr. Stark?” He saw a small nod come from his mentor, Peter immediately moved himself over so he could fully embrace him.
A few minutes later the two heard someone running in, “Tony? Tony!” Pepper entered the hallway and crouched down in front of them, “I tried to come down sooner, but I had to talk with P.R.”
Tony looked up with tears in his eyes, Pepper moved and sat on the other side of him, embracing him as well. Tony curled in and melted into the embrace of two people he loved more than anyone.
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It was the next morning. Pepper decided to have everyone rest the night and figure out a plan in the morning. Peter messaged Aunt May, she agreed to allow him to stay the night and to skip school.
Pepper was sitting in the chair on her laptop, emailing with the P.R. Department, while Tony and Peter were cuddled on the couch. Tony had the weighted blanket wrapped around him, and the two were stimming with their respective stim toys. A red and blue tangle for Peter, and an all black fidget cube for Tony.
“Well good news, the original article got taken down and the authorities are tracking down the hacker.”
Peter bit his lip, “Bad news?”
Pepper sighed, “It’s already made the greater news. Multiple other articles have been posted, a couple news stations have covered it, it’s trending online.”
Tony groaned and started punching his leg, and Peter quickly handed over a pillow to punch on instead. He asked, “So… what can Mr. Stark do?”
Pepper closed her laptop, “One of two things. One, we find the guy who hacked and leaked the files, pay them money to keep quiet, and hope this gets swept under the rug.”
Tony sighed, curling in on himself, already knowing what option two is.
“Or two… he gives a press conference confirming everything.”
“No.”
Pepper looked sympathetic at him, “Tony, you can’t only say no because your scared-“
“-I said, no.” Tony stated, now looking up from the pillow, a sense of desperation in his voice, “I can’t have people know something’s wrong with me, that I’m not capable enough to do my job.”
Pepper looked at him with fear, but before she said anything, they heard a small yet firm voice say, “So you think something’s wrong with you? With us? Think that we’re not capable of doing our jobs?”
Tony’s heart rate picked up and he looked at Peter. The kid was glaring at his tangle fidget, holding back tears in his eyes, “Fuck, I… Peter I didn’t mean-“
“I know, but you still believe it.”
“Not with you, never with you.”
“But there’s still that belief that being autistic is wrong and bad.”
“I don’t believe that in general Pete.” He noticed that Peter had started rocking, “I don’t, I know that being autistic isn’t wrong and that plenty of autistic people are very capable of doing great things.” Tony put his hand on Peter’s shoulder, “ YOU do so many amazing things, and I am so proud of you.”
Peter took a couple deep breaths and said, “But you still believe that within yourself.”
Tony sighed, letting go of Peter, “I try. I have moments where I feel ok, hell even sometimes proud. It’s hard to break over 40 years of everybody telling you different.” Peter was silent, and Tony allowed him. He looked away and went back to fidgeting with the cube, focusing on his breaths so he doesn’t spiral into a self destructive mess.
A few minutes pass with only the sounds of Pepper’s laptop clicking as she went back to writing emails. Tensions were still a little high.
“I think you should make it public.”
The two adults look over at the kid with a bit of shock. Tony started to say, “Peter, I-“ when he got interrupted.
“I know you’re scared, I get it, I would be too. I know I got upset with what you said but… I had moments like that too, I still do sometimes. I just think… I wonder how many people struggle with those same thoughts, those feelings of being alone in the world, of being a freak.” Peter’s eyes welled with tears, “But if we had someone to look up to, someone who understands our struggles, who’s struggled themselves too… it would reassure, and maybe even save so many people.”
Peter looked up at Tony, “There’s going to be people who don’t like it, say you’re a fake, say ableist things to you, all that. People suck and it sucks, but the best thing you can do is to keep doing what you're doing and try not to let it get you down. People flat out told me that I wouldn’t survive a year at Midtown, and yeah I have my moments of struggle, but I’m still going there. Things got a bit tougher once Spider-Man came into the mix but I’m managing that too and now I’m happier than I’ve ever been.” Peter reached out, grabbing Tony’s hand and giving it a squeeze, “Again, I know it’s scary, and if I’m totally wrong about this you can tell me to shut up now, but I think you should make it public.”
Tony softly smiled, stimming with Peter’s hands. He shook his head, “No, I don’t think it’s wrong. I… I agree with you, when did you get so wise kid?”
Peter shrugged, “Through experience, I guess.”
Pepper once again set her laptop aside, “Shall I set up a press conference for tonight.”
Tony looked over at Peter who was smiling at him, a small nod of encouragement. Tony nodded himself and said, “Yes, let’s do it.”
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Tony paced beside the door that would lead him to the press. Journalists, camera men, reporters, everyone from the NYC news is here. Tony has never loved press conferences, even if we ignore all the sensory issues, having to act professional in front of an annoying crowd of annoying people really irked him. Why must he censor himself? The public already knows how he is, why does he have to act like a boring business man? He’s never loved press conferences, and this is probably the most nervous one has ever made him feel. He had no clue how anyone would respond, what the general reaction would be. Positive, negative? Who knows, and that terrified him.
“Hey, Mr. Stark!”
“Kid, what are you doing here?” Tony saw Peter run in, and the two had a quick hug, which has become more common since that fateful day in the lab.
“I wanted to say hi!” Peter said with a bright smile, he then started rocking a little, “I… also wanted to check in on you.”
Tony smiled softly, “You didn’t have to kid.”
“I didn’t say I had to, I said I wanted to.”
“Right, you’re right.” Tony chuckled, then sighed, “I’m… very nervous.”
“Yeah, I can see why you would be…” Peter rubbed his hands together then looked up at him, “You’re gonna do great though.”
Tony smiled, pulling him in close to ruffle his hair.
Pepper came through the door, “Tony, honey? You’re on.”
Tony gave Peter one final hug, he grabbed Pepper’s hand and gave it a tight squeeze. He took a deep breath, put on his sunglasses, then walked out.
Cameras flashing, people shouting, all the comeuppance that comes with the press. This is why Tony wears sunglasses to these things, and has learned ways to shut them up. He walks up to the podium, waves of people coming forward, overlapping yells and flashing lights. Tony raises his arm, closing his fists. A hush of silence falls through the room, and Tony speaks.
“We all know why we’re here, skipping the pleasantries because that’s not needed right now, we all know why we are gathered here today, at least I certainly know. You wanna hear the big news, ‘Is Tony Stark autistic?’” Tony pointed at a young journalist in front of him, “Bet that makes a great headline, doesn’t it bud?” The guy stammered, and Tony waved his hand, “You don’t gotta answer that, we already know it does! That is the reason why we are here, we all saw that amazing, hook grabber of a headline, and rushed to hear it from the man himself!” Tony glanced down at the podium, then looked up with a smirk, “But first, a story.” Groans from the audience, “Look guys, if you want the answer you gotta stick around.” He said with a shrug. He glanced around and saw no one moving, so he continued on.
“This story is of a kid. A young boy born into a family of wealth and power, the only son of a couple who expected the perfect child, and for the most part he was! He was quiet, didn’t play with toys, a prodigy. Everything they could’ve dreamed for! Except… this child had some quirks. They noticed the boy, even now at 4 years old, didn’t say more than 10 words. They noticed how much of a hassle it was to put the kid into some damn clothes. They noticed how the boy was always moving his hands in weird ways. They noticed, especially when this kid was in front of a camera, how he would cry and scream, yelling about how much the lights and voices hurt.” Tony paused, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“His parents sent him to a boarding school, partly because that’s where all the genius rich kids go, but also so this kid could learn. Clearly he needed to learn some discipline. Well, kinda yeah, but that’s besides the point.” He cleared his throat, “Anyway… the kid did not have an easy time at school. Sure, the classes were easy, way too easy, but the poor guy just couldn’t make any friends. Now you may think because he’s a 7 year old in a class full of 10 year olds, which… partially yes, but no matter what he did, he always felt left out. Which, ok ok, so sad. Boo hoo, the little rich kid doesn’t have any friends at a private boarding school. I know how it sounds. This kid though, because of what he went through growing up, he always knew he was different. The boy was incredibly aware, he saw how everyone was treated compared to him, he saw how he was different against his peers, he just didn’t know why . There had to be a why, there had to be a reason, or else he was just a mistake and a burden.” Tony paused, taking a deep breath.
“We skip ahead, yada yada yada. The kid is a genius, he gets into trouble a lot, makes some risky decisions during his young adult years that he will come to regret later in life. He grows up hiding the parts of himself that his peers didn’t like, he tries to move less, holds back the breakdowns over silly things like the lights, he tries his damn hardest to learn all the stupid social rules that still just don’t make any sense.” Tony took a deep breath, “The boy is now a man, he’s in his 40’s, mostly accepted the fact that these quirks he’s had since his childhood will never go away, that he will forever be different. That is, until he has a conversation with someone, an autistic person.” He saw about half the room perk up, “The two have a chat, they talk about autism and later on, that man does some additional research on his own.”
“I’m sure you’ve all picked up by now that the kid is me, the man is me, I was talking about my life. And, well… after talking to the autistic person, doing research of my own, and seeing a psychologist…” The moment of truth , he took a deep breath.
“I am autistic.”
The crowd erupted, people shouting questions, demanding answers and explanations. Tony once again shot his fist in the air, and the crowd silenced. There were a few second where Tony didn’t say anything, but then he began again, “When I found out the documents had been leaked, I had a full on meltdown. I’m a very public figure, maybe I should’ve expected it, but to be honest… I wasn’t ready to accept it. When you get told all your life that the things that make you different, also make you wrong? It’s hard to break that habit of negative self talk. There are days where I hate being autistic, wishing I could’ve just been normal, but most of the time now, I am proud to be autistic. The moments where I’m with the people I love and can just be 100%, authentically myself, those are the moments I am the most proud.”
“When I was a kid, autism wasn’t really known, wasn’t talked about. Those kids were chucked in the looney bin. I am so glad times have changed, that stuff like this is talked about and treated seriously, that autistic individuals can now thrive. I know there are some undiagnosed autistics out there reading this, watching this, wherever people consume media nowadays. But I just want you to know I see you, I hear you, I WAS you. For 46 years of my life I went undiagnosed, only finding out almost 2 months ago that this was a possibility, and getting confirmation 2 weeks ago. You are not broken, you are not a burden. Not a mistake, a freak, none of that. You are just autistic, and that’s ok. Autism can be hard, this world was not built with neurodivergent people in mind, but trust me when I say being authentically you is the most freeing thing in the world. And if you aren’t in a safe enough space to do that, I get it. I was there too… but you’ll get out. One day you’ll be out and free, and you can find the people who love you for you, not some mask you put up. From one autistic guy to another, the unmasked, real you is great. You are great, and we got this.”
“No further questions.”
Tony headed off stage, leaving the screaming crowd behind him. He entered the waiting area and was immediately pulled into a hug from Pepper and Peter. Tony’s arm wrapped around Pepper’s shoulders, the other clasping the back of Peter’s hair. The three were swaying side to side.
Peter smiled wide, “I’m proud of you, Mr. Stark.”
“So proud.” Pepper kissed him on the lips, “I couldn’t be more proud of you.”
Tony hummed and melted into the embrace, the press conference wearing him out. Of course now there’s the worry of the wider public, how will this affect his business, Iron Man. But none of that matters right now. Right now Tony is with people he loves, being 100% authentically himself, and he couldn’t be happier than that.
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“I’m sure you’ve all picked up by now that the kid is me, the man is me, I was talking about my life. And, well… after talking to the autistic person, doing research of my own, and seeing a psychologist… I am autistic.”
Steve watched from his TV, his eyebrows furrowing.
Autism? Now what could that be…