Work Text:
Shaak was neither blind nor stupid, she had clearly noticed Master Windu's interest in her. In fact, perhaps she had even noticed it before the man himself.
The first few times they had met outside Council meetings, it had been at his instigation, but he had acted in a very neutral way, with no gesture, no look and not even the slightest whiff that could mean he was interested in renewing what had happened between them. She would know, she had checked as she usually checked the intentions of anyone who came near her, like any Togruta with superior sensory perception did.
It was only recently that things had changed, and to be honest, it was not just him who had changed. She had changed too, seeing Jedi couples forming and shining in the Force while their eyes and smiles were bright would easily influence any caring and empathetic people to look into the reason for their happiness.
She was not jealous of any of them, but she was certainly curious to feel the kind of deeper emotions and feelings that seemed to give or restore meaning to the lives of some people who had been almost irreversibly shattered by too much loss.
It was... beautiful, the beauty that arose from pain when one refused to give in to the ease of hate and anger. Love was redemption and salvation, she saw it in them. She saw it in her.
If it were up to her, Shaak would have taken the lead already. Unfortunately, she was not alone in this and she could not drag another person into this budding and not yet even official relationship without any real assurance other than her own certainty that she was a Jedi Master capable enough to feel the emotions of others around her.
She had been waiting for weeks, and as they met and worked together, she could see for herself how clearly they complemented each other and that had contributed to reinforce her decision. Now it was only a matter of time.
"On a scale of 'intolerable and offensive' to 'welcome and encouraged', where would a courting proposal fall?"
"That would depend above all on the potential wooer," she answered honestly without interrupting her reading, deciding to skip the paragraph after the end of the introduction.
It would be too irrelevant to be useful.
"What if it were me?"
Shaak looked up from her reading this time, her heart beating so hard in her chest that it suddenly seemed she could not hear anything else. It seemed like today would be the day.
"You wish to court me."
"Yes, I do" he answered simply.
"With the aim of..."
"Becoming a bonded couple."
It was not something she had dreamed of as a child, she had never even wanted it growing up... but she was not that child or that young woman anymore. She did not think she would be any less happy or free with a man like that by her side. Quite the opposite, in fact.
"There's something you need to know before I accept or even before you can make this proposal in full knowledge of the cause. You may want to reconsider."
"Let's hear it."
"Meet me at the end of the day," she proposed, serene and confident because she was determined to do what she had to do rather than what she selfishly wanted to do. "Master Yoda is going to teach young people, you'll soon understand."
He finally accepted the unspoken message and did not insist, even backing away slightly.
"I won't change my mind, whatever it is," he said in a determined and somewhat stubborn tone that drew a smile from her.
"That's what you are saying now, we shall see. I wouldn't be offended if that happened."
On the contrary, you would be in the best position to be angry.
Because he was past the childish age of insisting on proving his point without all the knowledge necessary for an effective and convincing argument, he said nothing, simply looking at her thoughtfully.
He had great self-control, that was something reassuring about him... but she did not know how he would react. They had got on very well together, not that Shaak had been surprised by that fact but... but she had no idea how he would react to that. They had got on very well with each other, not that Shaak had been surprised by that fact but... well, she had not necessarily imagined that they had a good compatibility for anything other than being capable and reliable colleagues, and, incidentally, people who might be able to help another during a Heat or Rut without making demands or putting pressure on for something that was not in their reach.
She had had her doubts that time, when he had offered it, and the Jedi had been on the alert for several weeks to see if the other shoe would drop. Her Padawan days had taught her that some people could promise that they would not go too far, that they would respect established boundaries and that they would not act possessively but that these promises were made in haste and were hopelessly meaningless.
He had scored points by giving her time to think about it, by checking several times that she was comfortable and by not biting her - once, just once, she had been bitten by someone without it being reciprocated and the pain in her body had seemed so corrosive until her next Heat that she had several times been tempted to cut her own skin to break the imposed and illegitimate claim. Never again.
This was different though, would he understand, would he approve... would he forgive?
Even with all her wisdom and understanding of sensitive psychology, Shaak was not sure of anything.
It was a leap into the unknown.
A few hours later, Master Yoda proved himself to be a creature of habit and was teaching in one of his favourite classrooms, calm, attentive children surrounding him with serene, happy minds. Peaceful.
Shaak silently watched the lesson taking place from outside the room, hidden from the sight of the children, smiling immediately as she saw tiny red Togruta Leks emerge from under a mask, little hands the exact colour of hers wielding a lightsaber to parry harmless shots that she remembered learning to parry herself without seeing anything at the time...
It was a bittersweet vision, but it never failed to give her a paradoxical peace of mind that conflicted sharply with everything she had felt at the time and still felt today. When she found out she was pregnant and would not be able to bring up the child. When she thought about her every day, wondering if it was the right decision.
"What's the matter?" He asked immediately as he joined her, barely glancing at the children.
Sweet innocence... but he had to know.
"The Togruta girl."
He identified her very quickly because she was the only child in the group with Leks and Shaak felt herself blush at the soft, affectionate smile he allowed to appear for a few seconds before once again appearing neutral and impassive.
"She looks very much like you, that red is very specific."
"She's the spitting image of me," she agreed, taking a deep breath before finally saying it. "She looks like me but, although she's an Omega like me... she smells more like you."
There, it was said.
The Korun stared at her for a few seconds, eyebrow raised, looking as if he did not understand before realisation dawned on his face and he disappeared completely into the Force as he looked at the child and the others, taking note of everything there was to note.
"She... she's my daughter?"
"She doesn't know about you," Shaak murmured with as much neutrality as she could summon. "She doesn't know about me either."
"Why not?"
"I couldn't keep her and raise her, it was the only thing to do. She'll become a Jedi, at least that way I knew I would be able to see her."
"Hmm... I see," he said, his fists clenched and Shaak could see his efforts to accept the new information without getting upset. "Weren't you using contraception?" He continued in a tone that his restraint could not prevent from being tinged with accusation and reproach.
"I was," Shaak clarified, making sure the Force revealed her honesty and the way he ran an exhausted hand over his face told her he had sensed it.
"I'm so sorry, for all you've had to go through alone, I'm... so sorry."
Shaak looked at her daughter, her incredible daughter, her little miracle.
"I'm not."
"What's her name?"
"Ashla."
The name the Lasat gave to the Force. Because she was a gift from the Force.
After several long minutes of silence, neither particularly pleasant nor heavy, a warm hand slipped into hers and a shoulder leaned against hers as a whisper was whispered in her ear.
"We should introduce ourselves to her later, when we have a stable environment to offer to her."
Shaak watched him place a soft, chaste kiss on the top of the hand he held as he interlaced their fingers.
"You mean..."
A sensation of soft warmth slowly surrounded her as he leaned back to look more easily at their daughter, pulling Shaak to lean against him.
"I haven't changed my mind."