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Jimin was fine.
Was he currently crying his eyes out in the music room? Yes.
But he was fine. He was just feeling a lot of emotions right now, and everything was going to be fine. He was going to get through this year even if it killed him.
Jimin was stressed, and he hated to admit it, but he might have bitten off much more than he could chew.
First, there were his classes at his studio and the classes he was teaching there. When Hoseok accepted his invitation to that dance company, their studio asked Jimin if he would want to teach some of the classes that were supposed to be Hoseok’s. He readily agreed, so now he taught classes on top of taking his own classes.
Then there was the fact that he was part of two different musical productions this year. Due to Mrs. W, the school’s music teacher, getting pregnant and leaving for maternity leave, their school wasn’t putting on a musical. Apparently, no other teacher wanted to put up with the craziness that was the school’s yearly musical production. So instead Jimin went to see what musicals were being put on by the community theatre production. As overjoyed as Jimin was that their production was Newsies, Taehyung and Jungkook were more apprehensive. While Jimin auditioned and got cast, Taehyung and Jungkook took a different route and auditioned for a smaller community theatre’s production of Next to Normal.
Jimin was sad that he wasn’t able to perform between his two best friends during his last year of high school. His dance director at the studio was friends with the director of the Next to Normal production and when he heard they needed a choreographer he passed Jimin’s name along. Which was why most nights you could find Jimin in a studio somewhere, either preparing a musical, teaching or taking his own classes.
In addition to Jimin’s extracurriculars (which was going to look stellar on his university applications, but more on that in a minute), past Jimin decided there wasn’t enough on his plate and decided to make the super smart decision to take all sciences and maths. Current Jimin kind of hates past Jimin. Did he need all the sciences, who knows? Jimin certainly didn’t know what he wanted but wanted to keep his options open.
Which brought him to university applications. They were stressful and they were tedious. Why did every school want him to write an essay? What was a time when he demonstrated problem solving? Well right now he was solving his stress problem by crying, did that count? What did he have to offer if he were to be accepted? He would be giving them so much money, wouldn’t that be enough? Where was he supposed to find the time to write all these admission essays on top of everything else he was doing?
Everything was piling up, and there was just so much to do with so little time. Hence, the stress cry.
“Jimin, again?” Taehyung had poked his head through the music room’s door
“I’m fine,” Jimin’s nose was all stuffy, which made him sound all nasally.
“This is like the third time I’ve found to like this this month,” Taehyung said while coming to sit beside Jimin. Taehyung pulled a tissue out of his pocket and offered it to Jimin, which Jimin gratefully accepted.
“I’m fine,” Jimin blew his nose. “Just a bit stressed. Nothing I can’t handle. Everything is good.”
“If everything was good, I wouldn’t find you crying in some corner of our school during lunch once a week.”
“Just a bit of stress,” Jimin said. “Nothing for you to worry about.”
The look on Taehyung’s face said that he was very much worrying about Jimin and Jimin hated that. He hated that he couldn’t keep his emotions locked down and was worrying his best friend.
“You know,” Taehyung leaned his head on Jimin’s shoulder. “No one would blame you if you had to drop something. I don’t know how you even have time to breathe.”
“Everything is fine,” Jimin wiped the remaining tears from his eyes and stood up. “I’m fine, everything is fine.” Jimin pulled Taehyung off the floor. “You ready for rehearsals tonight?”
Taehyung laughed. “Will there be more pole dancing?”
“It’s not pole dancing,” Jimin spluttered.
“I’m literally humping a pole during I’m Alive,” Taehyung stated. “I don’t know how you consider that not pole dancing.”
“The instructions were to swing around the pole, not my fault you took that to mean pole dancing.” A smile crossed Jimin’s face. Taehyung always had a way of bringing a smile to Jimin.
“How else am I supposed to take that as anything other than pole dancing?” Taehyung said while standing up, offering Jimin a hand and pulling him off the floor. “Come on. Let’s get some food into you before your next class starts.”
…
All things considered, Next to Normal wasn’t hard to choreograph for, mainly due to the fact it wasn’t really that much of a dance musical. All that being said, it just meant that the numbers that Jimin did choreograph needed to stand out. Be amazing. Be perfect.
“And then you present the drugs like you’re Van White on Wheel of Fortune,” Jimin explained while demonstrating. “Then on your beat, you hold your hands like this,” Jimin demonstrated how their hands should be in front of them, “that’s on 5, 6, 7, 8.”
This was the last number Jimin had to teach choreography for. After that, all he needed to do was polish and clean, and make sure everything looked perfect.
Jimin demonstrated the rest of the choreography for My Psychopharmacologist , and made the cast run through the number a few more times to make sure they remembered everything between now and their next rehearsal.
By the time he got out of rehearsals, it was just past 8. Which all things considered was an early end of a night for him. Maybe he would finally have time to start on his application essay. He had been trying to start them for the past few nights, but by the time he got home, he was so tired that he immediately crashed after a shower.
Tomorrow he had Newsies rehearsal and he wouldn’t have time to work on it for the rest of this week.
“Jimin!” Jungkook took a running start and jumped on Jimin’s back as they were leaving the rehearsal studio. Jimin caught Jungkook instinctively and just started walking with Jungkook still clinging to his back.
Taehyung joined them laughing at Jungkook’s antics. “I thought you were a bunny, not a monkey.”
“You’re all gross a sweaty Kook,” Jimin complained but didn’t let Jungkook go.
“So are you,” Jungkook shot back. If Jimin had to guess he would say Jungkook was sticking his tongue out at him. Jungkook wiggled to get off Jimin’s back and started walking beside him.
With how busy Jimin has been he didn’t have enough time to spend with his best friends. Even though their walk to the bus stop was short he would take all the time he could get.
“Are you guys busy this weekend?” Jungkook asked. “Seokjin is home this weekend and said he’s dragging Yoongi and Namjoon with him. We were maybe planning a bubble tea hangout. We can probably convince Hobi to join us as well, I heard he’s also in town.”
Jimin mentally ran through his schedule for the weekend. He taught the Saturday morning Kinderdance, then had his own classes the rest of the morning. Then there was a Newsies rehearsal on Saturday and Sunday afternoon, and the Next to Normal director asked him to join rehearsals Sunday night to clean the I’m Alive choreography. There was a chemistry test on Monday, which he should study for. And he really did need to start working on his university applications. He wanted to at least have a draft of his essay done soon.
But Jimin hadn’t seen his friends in such a long time. He missed them, and this seemed like the rare chance that they could all finally be together.
“Yeah, I have time as long as it’s between rehearsals,” Jimin answered, hoping he wouldn’t regret it.
Taehyung shot him a concerned look. “You know we all won’t mind if you can’t make it. Like if you need time to catch up with school work.”
“I’m sure they won’t mind,” Jungkook said. “I mean there’s always next time. I just thought that this seemed to be the weekend we were all around.”
“No, I can make it work,” Jimin said ignoring the look Taehyung was giving him. It would be worth the extra stress to see his friends.
…
Was Jimin coming to regret his words? Maybe. But he would never admit it out loud. Never.
It was genuinely really nice to see his older friends. But seeing them didn’t ease the sinking feeling in his stomach that there was something he needed to do.
Yes, there were things he needed to do! But now was friend time, and Jimin wished his brain could just shut up with the impending dread so he could enjoy himself. With the older four no longer at school with them, it was increasingly harder for them to see each other. Any time they did had a precious and Jimin wished his brain could get with the program, instead of flooding him with anxiety over all the things he should be doing.
He was so zoned out that he wasn’t tuned into the conversation happening around him until he heard his name. “Sorry, what did you say?” Jimin shook his head, bringing his attention back to his friends, noting the varying looks of concern from around the table.
“I was asking about Newsies,” Hoseok repeated himself frowning. “You look tired. Everything good?”
Jimin tried to stifle a yawn and hide it by taking a sip of his drink. “Just a bit tired. Stay up a bit later last time to study for chemistry.” He plastered on his most convincing smile. “Everything’s great! Newsies has been really fun.”
“Except the stress crying,” Taehyung mumbled, but loud enough for everyone around the table to still hear.
Jimin looked down at the table so he wouldn’t have to look into his friend’s eyes and see their concern cause then he would start crying again like the stupid emotional mess he was lately. He could still hear the concern in Namjoon’s voice, “Jimin...”
“It’s fine,” Jimin insisted, cutting Namjoon off because he could get a lecture about taking care of himself. “I was just over emotional last week.”
“I found him crying three times last week,” Taehyung announced to the group.
Jimin frowned “Tae stop. I have everything handled.”
And he really did. Next to Normal Choreography was all done so that was already less time needed to choreograph pieces. Newsies was also done with choreography, and then all that would be left would be cleaning. School would always be there, but at least he has stated some of his admission essays, so hopefully that would soon be off his plate.
“If you need something off your plate then I can come back on the weekends to teach the Kinders and some of your other classes,” Hoseok offered. “Things are feeling more settled in the troupe, and our next performance isn’t for another few months.”
“I can do it,” Jimin insisted. “It’s just been a stressful week. Things will be better next week.”
“You’ve been saying that every week for the past month,” Jungkook commented. “I don’t think things are magically going to get better without your dropping something.”
“It’s okay to stop,” Yoongi chimed in. “You don’t always need to be running. Things shouldn’t have to feel this hard.”
Jimin shook his head. “It’s not hard. I just need like a few more hours to my days, but I can manage.”
Looking around at his friend’s face, they didn’t look like they believed him. It would be fine. It was just a rough patch, but he’ll out of it just like any other period of stress before now.
“We’re here to help you,” Namjoon said. “You might be able to talk to the guidance counsellor about restructuring some of your schedule if you are finding it too overwhelming.”
“Oh, I did that in my final year,” Seokjin added. “ They were really helpful in like making my schedule less overwhelming.”
Jimin was touched by his friend’s concerns, but he would be fine.
Maybe if he said it to himself enough times it would be true.
---
By Sunday afternoon is was legitimately falling asleep on his feet. The coffee he drank earlier seemed to not be working anymore. He was supposed to be stretching to get ready for Seize the Day as their Jack and Kathrine rehearsed Something to Believe In .
He must have nodded off while folded over in his straddle because the next thing he was aware of was a gentle shake on his shoulder startling him awake.
“What?” Jimin jolted upright looking around and seeing their choreographer standing above him.
“Jimin, I think you need to go home.”
Jimin quickly picked himself up off the floor. “I wasn’t sleeping.” He totally was. “I’m good to go!”
The choreographer softened, but his voice remained firm. “It’s not safe for you to flip today if you’re falling asleep. It wouldn’t hurt for you to take a day off. I know there’s a lot going on for you. We’re just cleaning Seize the Day , which you know.”
Jimin opened his mouth to protest, but before he could get any words out the choreographer interrupted.
“Go home. Take a nap. I’ll see you tomorrow fully rested.”
“I’m good to stay! I can still dance,” Jimin tried.
“Even so, I think it would still be best for you to take the afternoon off.” The choreographer gave him a kind smile. “Go home Jimin. Go to bed earlier. I’ll see you tomorrow,” and before Jimin could even try to protest again he walked away.
Jimin let out a sigh and went to pack his stuff to leave.
He understood why he was being sent home, but he genuinely didn’t think that things were bad enough for him to need to be sent home. He pulled out his phone as he sat down to wait for his bus. He could feel the tiredness hit him as soon as he was sitting.
“Jimin? Aren’t you supposed to be at rehearsal right now?” Taehyung answered the phone.
“I got sent home for being too tired,” Jimin admitted.
“Good,” Taehyung said. “You’re going home now?”
“Yeah, just waiting for the bus. Should be here in 10 minutes.” Jimin’s brain took a moment to catch on to the first part of what Taehyung said. “Good? What do you mean good?”
“Hold tight. I’m with Yoongi, we’re coming to get you”
“I’m fine Tae,” Jimin grumbled. “The bus will be here soon.”
“No, we’re almost there. We’re taking you home and then sitting on you until you fall asleep so you don’t do something stupid like try to do more work.”
“Tae I can’t-“
“No!” Taehyung cut him off before Jimin could start talking about getting some studying done. “You got sent home so you can get some rest.”
“I need to-“
“See you soon Jimin,” Taehyung cut him off again and hung up.
Jimin looked down at the now black screen of his phone. “He’s overreacting,” Jimin mumbled to himself, but couldn’t argue with how nice a nap would be right now.
---
Jimin woke up to darkness outside. He frantically looked at the clock to see he had only fallen asleep for a few hours. He still had some of the night left to get some work done. He should get up and out of bed, but it was just so cozy, and he wouldn’t hurt to lie down for a few more minutes.
“You okay there Jimin?” Yoongi’s voice comes from the darkness of his room.
Jimin shot up from his bed, and head on a swivel until he spotted Yoongi sitting by his desk.
It takes his moment to catch up because the first thing that comes out of Jimin’s mouth is, “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
A light clicked on, and the soft light from Jimin’s desk lamp filled the room. “I got put on Jimin watch to make sure you slept and didn’t try to sneak off to do work.”
“What,” Jimin scoffed. “I wouldn’t have tried to –“An unimpressed look from Yoongi stops Jimin from finishing that sentence. “Yeah, I probably would have tried to do work,” Jimin admitted. “I have a chem test on Monday.”
Yoongi sighed “Jimin, you can’t keep going like this. It’s not good for you.”
“I know, but it’s too late now. I said that I was going to do all these things, and maybe it’s too much, but I can’t go back on my word! I can’t let everyone down by quitting something!” Jimin had made a commitment, and gave his word. Jimin prided himself on always sticking to his word.
“It doesn’t have to be quitting,” Yoongi came to sit with Jimin on his bed, placing a comforting hand on his leg. “But maybe it could look like accepting help from the people around you. Things don’t always have to be full steam ahead, running and running until you can’t anymore. It’s okay to take a break.”
“I don’t think I’m very good at that,” Jimin said. “I just don’t know if I can let something go.” He could feel the tears building in his eyes. He was just so tired, and he couldn’t see a way out.
“Well, practice makes perfect. Sometimes what’s needed is to let go.” Yoongi gave his leg another comforting pat. “Sometimes it’s better for everyone involved to let go.”
Jimin could feel a tear fall despite his best effort to keep them in. He quickly caught it with his sleeve, but it was too late, Yoongi had already seen.
“Oh Jimin,” Yoongi helped to wipe more tears as they fell and pulled him into a hug. “We’ve got you. You’re not in this alone. It’s gonna be good, you’ll see.”
...
In the end, it takes a lot more coercion and convincing, but Jimin finds balance. Or as much balance as one can find when trying to finish up the last year of school.
Namjoon helps Jimin with his admission essays, and they are so much easier to write when Jimin’s not working on 4 hours of sleep.
Hoseok takes some of Jimin’s teaching classes. It took him sitting Jimin down and yelling at him about how much he had missed teaching and the studio kids for Jimin to relinquish those classes. He still can assist if he feels like he has time, but giving his classes to Hoseok gives him the time he needs to actually complete his school work and also get a few hours of sleep, imagine that.
He also manages to restructure his work with Next to Normal as a co-op, and drop his chemistry class (he never liked that class anyway. Who thought that was a good idea). With Next to Normal now being part of his school schedule and Hoseok taking over some of his dance classes, Jimin finial feels like he can breathe. He forgot how fun this all was supposed to be.
Jimin’s watching the final run-through of Next to Normal, a big smile on his face, everything has come together how he had hoped. The run of the show starts next week, and then he can fully dedicate his time to Newsies.
Things are better.
Jimin would even say that things are good.
Jimin watches Diana cross the stage singing So Anyway , and his eyes can’t help but fill with tears. Watching her sing about leaving, Jimin can’t help but let it fill his chest with the relief of coming out the other side after making the hard choice to stop. Knowing when to fight and when to let go.