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He was soaked, and his lips were buzzing with a feeling of what had been. How could he be so stupid? He couldn’t help but crouch down, and grasp at his blond hair.
Dally had never been a particularly pleasant guy, hell, he wasn't even considered decent, he'd been in jail more times than he could count on one hand, so why was he being such a chump now? He'd kissed Johnny and run off to the station, he'd kissed Johnny before, the problem was what he said after.
“Goodness, Johnny, I love you,” he said, in a moment where he had been carried away, both of them still in the warmth of each other’s space. So far there could’ve been no emotion attached to the kisses they shared, played off as just a way to blow some steam, a warm mouth, only to be ruined by Dally saying those three godforsaken words. Johnny seemed stunned, as if no one had ever said those words to him before, and they probably hadn't.
Johnny's family has been shit to him, and the most loving thing they've done is let him eat a full plate of supper. Both Johnny and Steve's fathers beat them, and while Soda takes care of Steve (if it weren’t for Sandy, they’d totally have something going on), Dally feels it is his duty to clean up after Johnny. Their first kiss had been one of those nights, Dally had been cleaning up a busted up lip and one thing led to another.
They were in Buck’s house, in Dally’s room, talking about nonsense, tuff cars and whatnot. Dallas couldn't help but look at Johnny's enthusiastic expressions as he talked excitedly about Mustangs, even though he thought it was all nonsense. He couldn't help but smile softly when Johnny looked back at him, couldn't help but lean in when Johnny drew closer, couldn't help but press his lips against Johnny's cracked but soft lips, and couldn't help but say those stupid three words.
Imagine how stupid he looked, he left Johnny in his room, that’s in a bar, in the outskirts of Tulsa, to go away to the train station that’s on the other side of town. And now, it was raining, and he was wet, and he was much too scared to go back to Buck’s. Now, he couldn’t help but cry, weep for his stupid, stupid behaviors, shed tears because he loves someone, something he swore he wouldn’t ever do after New York.
It was a guy, ironically, just like last time, he was an idiot, he hadn't changed, he hadn't hardened, it didn't matter that he was in the middle of nowhere now. And he was going to lose Johnny, just like how he lost him.
“Dally, Dally,” a voice coughed, it was hoarse and faint, it seemed to be embalmed in smoke. He had followed him. Dallas’ tears had already dried.
The older teen asked, “Whaddya want?” as he fumbled with his rings, obviously trying to avoid the conversation they were about to have. Johnny sat alongside him and grabbed his hands to make him stop. He didn't answer, just looked down. His face was darkened by the shadow of his hair, his usual pout adorns his face.
He was never one to stay in an awkward silence, whether it be the moment before a rumble, or the five seconds in between kisses, he’d always be the one to move in closer. Johnny, however, could’ve gone the whole night without ever confronting him, and Dallas could’ve just let it go (could he really?). He always one who looked for conflict.
“Don't pretend like nothin’ happened, I'd rather you punch me right in the nose,” he didn't look at Johnny, just at his battered black boots. But he knew that the boy probably winced at his words, that he’d have to talk soon, drift farther from what’s comfortable, like it’s been for a while.
Johnny frowns, then mutters, “I don’t understand why you make these problems for yourself.”
“Because I’m not a coward like you,” Dally whispers to himself, but Johnny’s sad eyes show that he heard it as well. A moment later, his eyes weren’t sorrowful anymore but stern, one could even say mad.
“I don’t understand you, you leave, but you want me to confront you or punch you, you’re a goddamn fool!” Dallas grunts under his breath, Johnny doesn’t hear him, so he repeats himself, he liked to be heard, loud and clear.
“So that proves my point, you coward,” Dally enunciates every syllable for him. Not many have seen it, those big black eyes expressing nothing but fury, the brown skin on his cheeks flushed with anger.
“Yeah, okay, whatever Dallas, maybe I am a coward, or maybe I actually care about my dignity?! I can’t just simply confess to someone like you, I feel like you’re just mocking me at times. That one day you’ll say that this was just another way to prove a point to society or something, and you’ll be done with me. Another bad thing, another person screwed over because of you, and you don’t even care” he suddenly stops, relaxes his shoulder and just sighs, like he’s just gotten something he’s had for a while off his chest.
Dallas’ usual cold gaze softened (something that rarely happened, only with the boy beside him), his eyebrows pulling towards each other in concern, then he turns his head towards the slightly younger boy, “I promise I’m not trying to mock you, okay?”
Johnny looks at him, unconvinced and laughs, “Ha, sure, Dal, I bet you love me too. And that you find me to be handsome even with this—” He pauses for a second, grimacing in disgust, “—stinking scar on my face and sickly body. Sounds like one of those fairy tales come true, because I know you don’t love me, my parents can’t even love me. And we’re here in Tulsa, and we’re both greasers, a fuck-up and criminal.”
“So?” the blond shrugs. “The question is if you love me back. Do you love me?”
The boy next to him groans into his hand, “God, you’re so hard to talk to, don’t you understand that we can’t, we can’t, Dallas. And for a second you knew that too, when this became real, you ran, and now you don’t care. What changed?”
Dally stay silent for a while before he says anything, looking at Johnny as if searching for an answer, because the truth was for most of the questions relating to love, his answer would be about Johnny. “Do you love me back?”
“You didn’t answer my… Fine, I see how it is.” he hesitates before he answers. “I-I don’t know if it’s love, but… whenever I’m not around you, I can’t help but want to be beside you. And every time you k-kiss me, it was like my chest was on fire, and my head was spiraling out of its rails. Sometimes I just wish someone would jump me for just feelin’ these type of things.”
After basically just admitting he was in love (honestly, what he said was more embarrassing than saying I love you), he put his head in his hands in shame, was he genuinely that stupid?
The other teen chuckles, not because he found it funny, he was happy. Twisting his head slightly out of his hands, one of Johnny’s eyes looks at Dally, “Can you stop laughing?”
That just causes Dallas to start cackling, his usually pale cheeks red with exhaustion, his lungs exerted to exceed their usual. Johnny looks at him humorlessly, and starts getting up, muttering something along the lines of: “Why do I even love this idiot?”
Out of spite, right when he gets up, Johnny kicks some dirt into the other boy’s face. Coughing, Dally says, “The hell, why’d you do that for?”
The black-haired boy just starts walking away, he didn’t know where he was going to stay for the night, but he needed to make a point, a bit of a dramatic one but still. He feels a hand grab his shoulders, behind him, he finds those familiar icy eyes, no longer baring such harsh glare, the hard lines of his face, softened.
“Look, can we forget about who we are for a second, that we’re not both thugs, I’m not a criminal, and that you’re not a fuck-up? Or maybe instead we just won’t think about everyone else, okay? We’re both poor? Fine, right now there’s no one richer. I’m a criminal? There’s not a person who’s a better person than me!” Dallas flips Johnny to face him and places his hand on his cheek, running his finger through his cheekbone.
Johnny couldn’t help but smile, “I don’t know about that last one, Dal.”
“I don’t know about that last one, Dal.” Dally mocks, using the hand that’s not on the other’s cheek to mime a mouth. “Can you just put those lips on mine already, you’re blue-ballin’ me here, Cade.”
Johnny chuckles softly before complying to Dally’s wishes, grabbing the sides of his head before leaning in to put his own lips with the delinquents’ (who he loves for some reason).
“You know, if you keep kissing me like that, we might need to take this inside, unless that’s what you’re into.” Dallas whispers teasingly into Johnny’s before getting punched on his arm by the latter.