Archive of Our Own ^beta

would you mind staying the night?

(or for the rest 

of our lives?)

I

Aren’t long hard days supposed to be for mortals and not gods? Well, it seemed gods actually never lost their mortality at all then. Feeling quite stupid, Mu Qing had to stay inside his chambers all day, all due to a heavy migraine, because health, unfortunately, wasn’t granted to a god either. 

But staying in meant having nothing to do and having nothing to do meant overthinking. And Mu Qing loves overthinking—he dwells on everything he shouldn’t, starting with the fact that why were those close to him even close to him. Could they even be close considering he never allowed those mighty walls to come down? Weren’t they better off without him? Isn’t he better by himself? He already endured 800 years, why not a couple more? Give them to him, he can take it! Speaking of, how many years did a god live anyway?

Despite not actually having to sleep while being a god, Mu Qing still found certain habits stuck to him. He was lying on bed, trying to get his thoughts in order, he even prayed for some sleep to whatever god could hear a god’s prayer.

Those heavy thoughts only increased his pain, and covering his ears as a kid no longer did anything. By the time he felt he was going to lose his mind, his room’s door opened, letting the painful warm light from outside strike his eyes. A pair of heavy footsteps trying to not make much noise echoed in the room. Mu Qing felt the mattress move and that unique presence of his, followed by an arm finding its way around his waist. 

A couple of minutes passed without Mu Qing moving, yet he surrendered to the closeness and placed his hand on top of his. The man kissed Mu Qing’s nape softly, so tenderly it screams heavenly devotion. 

“I have been waiting all day for this moment.” Feng Xin gently spoke close to his ear. “You won’t believe what happened to me in the Mortal World today…”

Without expecting a reply or interventions, the god told him his day. However, Mu Qing was quieter than usual. He didn’t hum or caress his hand at all. It was as if he truly were asleep or worse, totally uninterested. 

“Is everything alright, A-Qing?” Feng Xin asked, squeezing his waist to call for his attention. 

“Do you think we should stop this?”

Feng Xin rose a bit to lean on his elbow, trying to peek at Mu Qing’s face. “Stop what?”

“Us”. 

II

A martial god not being able to move had to be the worst penalty amongst them all. Mu Qing couldn’t leave his tent during the first day after the fight in Mount Tong'lu against Jun Wu. Finally everything was over, there was “peace” among the Heavenly Officials. Tacaing Mountain was crowded with gods rushing from one place to another, carrying out heavenly duties to try to patch everything up together and get their so-needed new beginning . 

But Mu Qing could not contribute to that. The burns in his body had him pinned down to his mattress, making him useless. Just as he felt sometimes back when his body actually worked. What’s a guy with a big ass saber going to do anyways?

Despite the request of being left alone, the only one who freely came and went was Xie Lian. He checked on him a few times, and Mu Qing knew he could not upset him. He remembered what had happened during the lava incident, and he couldn’t forget the most important matter at hand: Hua Cheng was gone . He couldn’t be a jerk. In his attempt of not bothering Xie Lian, Mu Qing mostly fell silent, allowing him the care of his health.

“I can repair Ruoye,” Mu Qing whispered one time when Xie Lian was almost leaving his tent.

The god sighed, smiling weakly. Was it because of his own exertion? Xie Lian hadn’t rested after the big fight with Jun Wu nor had a moment for himself after losing Hua Cheng—even if he had said he “was doing okay”, trusting his man was coming back and he would wait as long as it took. Or was it the thought of everything Ruoye meant? The memories it carried? Mu Qing could hardly see his face.

“When you can stand up, I’ll let you,” was all he said before stepping out of the tent.

He would talk when he needed it, was Mu Qing’s resolution. 

It probably was the third day, or maybe even the first one but that had felt like forever, when Feng Xin entered his tent. Mu Qing had his eyes closed, Xie Lian was finishing bandaging his left leg. 

“Is he doing better?” Feng Xin asked, clearly uncomfortable. 

Mu Qing could feel their eyes on him but didn’t want to interact. Xie Lian caught that and sighed, looking back at Feng Xin.

“He’s doing better. His wounds are healing fast, it’s the second day and I bet he’s at 70% recovered. I’m glad to see you healed fastly, Feng Xin.”

The god nodded, but he seemed to want to say something else. He faltered, debating whether to stay a bit longer but ended up leaving after nodding once again in Xie Lian’s direction. Xie Lian left too after patting Mu Qinq’s thigh gently.

Mu Qing wasn’t going to lie: something had definitely changed between the three of them. But communication wasn’t a trait given to Feng Xin nor him. Xie Lian had been the one to always start the needed conversations, yet it felt he didn’t want to start this one. Or was it because it only involved the two of them? He let out the air that had been weighing on his chest, opening his eyes slowly, only to be welcomed by an empty and dark view of the tent’s ceiling.

Accustomed to Xie Lian unofficial responsibility of his care, the god could only wait for him to come back later at night, or morning? Due to his condition and the last couple of days, Mu Qing couldn’t quite measure time; Xie Lian’s visits were what indicated him when the sun probably rose and set. 

That’s why when the gentle footsteps of the caring god weren’t the ones he felt, Mu Qing grumbled.

“Why are you… here?”

Feng Xin scratched his head, seeming to be asking himself the same question. “His Highness looked a bit tired and I offered to come. Is that… okay?”

Silence wasn’t something gifted to the pair, be it alone or in company. But once every two shooting stars, they were spoiled with it. Mu Qing gave it to his tiredness and the way his mind hadn’t left him in peace. He nodded, allowing the other martial god to approach him. Feng Xin, silently, removed his bandages. The gentleness and tenderness of his touch confused Mu Qing. How Feng Xin applied the medicine, as a caress more than a procedure, warmed the skin he touched, even his heart. How could this man, characterized by an idiotic brutness, be gentle with his hands? 

“What is the first thing you want to do when healed?”

Feng Xin’s mouth started to move alongside his hands. His tone matched his touch and made Mu Qing aware of thoughts he hadn’t had in centuries.

“Slash something with my saber.” 

Feng Xin laughed. As expected . “Anything? Anyone?” 

“Anything. Anyone.” Mu Qing was smiling faintly, eyes closed.

“Then that’s my cue to not be around when you do.” 

Mu Qing chuckled genuinely for the first time in years in front of him. But neither of them felt like pointing it out. They would take it as a gift, the harmony they shared in that precise moment, having the distant noise of a rushing and crowded night as a calming background sound.

Feng Xin kept tending to him. He seemed relaxed. 

“I also want to rebuild my palace.” 

“Don’t we all?” 

Muy Qing nodded.

“I don’t want to be next to an annoying god.” Feng Xin said.

“Aren’t they all annoying?” It was Feng Xin's turn to chuckle and he almost rolled his eyes. “Especially General Nan Yang. I can’t stand that guy,” Mu Qing added with a smirk. 

Feng Xin flicked him gently on his forehead. “Your wounds are freshly bandaged. I must leave now.” 

Mu Qing opened his eyes and nodded. Feng Xin started grabbing his things and before he could step out of the tent, Mu Qing, weakly, called for him, “Feng Xin.” 

“Yes?” 

Silence. 

It took Mu Qing a minute to be able to look at him. “Thank you.” 

Feng Xin turned his head around and nodded, covering the back of his head, but not fast enough. Mu Qing was able to get a peek of a delicate pink on his skin.

III

“In Heaven’s name!” Mu Qing yelled, bursting into Feng Xin’s new palace. “Why did you have to have your palace constructed next to mine? Isn’t it enough having to share a territory on Earth?”

The appealed god was in the middle of speaking with one of his deputy gods. With the abrupt interruption, Feng Xin could only stare at Mu Qing, speechless. Mu Qing wasn’t speaking or moving, but his heavy breathing was enough to convey his anger, or what seemed like anger to the small crowd.

A brief second passed in which Feng Xin recovered his composure. He looked at the scroll in his hands, visibly trying to undermine Mu Qing’s disrespect. “I wasn't the one who chose, Ling Wen did.” 

Sensing the tension, the deputy god excused herself. She bowed to both of them and left. Mu Qing didn’t know what embarrassed him more: having had someone witness his outburst or Feng Xin remaining calm, as if it didn’t bother Feng Xin as much as it was bothering him. 

Something inside his chest hurt. He didn't know if he would’ve preferred the martial god to have had a say in this matter or not. Mu Qing moved uncomfortably in his place, he wasn’t liking the disappointment that was settling in his heart. 

“I thought we were okay now?” Feng Xin asked once both were alone. Mu Qing clenched his fists, a scowl curving his lips. “Are we not, Mu Qing?”

Were they? 800 hundred years of harboring certain feelings weren’t unlearned so easily in Mu Qing’s experience. It was hard to let go of what hurt you for more than a lifetime. 

Those nights when Feng Xin tended his wounds felt quite unreal sometimes, kind of blurred in the back of his mind. Yet Mu Qing knew they happened, the simple thought of them left a fuzzy feeling on his chest at night but there was still an annoying small voice on the back of his head that told him Feng Xin did it out of pity or to please Xie Lian. 

The look in Feng Xin’s eyes right now, however, made Mu Qing feel like he fucked up. Was it for the way he changed in or by the question in itself? 

“I will ask Ling Wen what we can do. Maybe Lang Qianqiu or Quan Yizhen can switch palaces with me.” More than a kind solution, it felt as a rejection.

But Mu Qing’s intention had never been to have him move. He wanted an explanation, to ease his doubts but he had never asked for one before. Reason why everything turned out to be a fight, just another one of their endless bunch. 

“You can leave now, General Xuan Zhen. I will deal with this matter tomorrow morning.” 

It was a surprise his pride hadn’t killed him just yet, but if it did, he would have to bear it. What came out of his mouth haunted him for weeks: “You better.” 

Mu Qing turned around and left with a heavy burden on his chest. He was hurt when he was not stopped by Feng Xin, but why would he stop him anyway?

IV

Mu Qing was walking in circles in front of his altar. His face kept being red, the blush in his cheeks had decreased but it stayed. Between each turn, he stole quick glances at his garden, focusing solely on the mountain. The mountain he had to destroy now.

“I cannot forgive this offense!” 

“Hey, it’s not that big of a deal,” Feng Xin commented, trying to calm him down. “It’s a… mhm… normal , common action, you know?”

The look Mu Qing shot at him made him regret his words. Of course it was, but for Mu Qing, it wasn’t. Keeping his cultivation vows had been such an issue (read reason to mock him) when he had just ascended. Despite the talk behind his back or the rude direct comments, Mu Qing never thought of changing it. Besides, he felt he never had gotten any actual physical attraction for anyone, so it wasn’t an actual need . Emotions, however, did cause him a bit of a problem.

“I don’t know if I have to spell it to your stupid rock of a brain, but care to explain how two damned statues had,” he paused, horrified, “ sexual intercourse in my garden?”

Mu Qing didn’t miss the smile Feng Xin suppressed. Great, another one mocking him. “You think it’s funny?”

“No,” Feng Xin approached him slowly. “I just think you look hella cute right now, that’s all.”

“Cute?! What the fuck, Feng Xin?!” Mu Qing’s mouth was wide open.

The laugh that left Feng Xin’s mouth didn’t help the way his heart rate increased. Feng Xin’s comment made him snort, “ Language ”. 

“Oh for Heaven’s sake, you are impossible !” Mu Qing said, turning his back to him.

“Come on,” Feng Xin carefully placed his hands on Mu Qing’s back, ignoring the way the other man flinched at his touch, “let’s go to you private garden and get you back to your calm, stoic, unemotional weird mode you live with.”

It didn’t take much convincing to get him there. This private garden was a tad farther from the garden he had to destroy. Mu Qing often went there to meditate, but it was weird for Feng Xin to actually know about it. He probably had mentioned during one conversation, which also made him rethink how much attention does that martial god paid to him. He shook his head, trying not to read too much into it.

The thing he loved the most about the place was a couple of cherry trees he had managed to plant in the middle of it. They sat down under them, a bit too close. It didn’t feel uncomfortable, but it did manage to slightly raise Mu Qing’s body temperature.

Having Feng Xin close affected his heart—as in his blood pressure, to be more specific and leave the overthinking aside. For years, Mu Qing had thought it was the anger, jealousy, and hurt the man made him feel. But now, after Mount Tacaing, and if he was being honest, years before it, Mu Qing had identified other emotions. 

Growing his vocabulary on sentiments wasn’t a priority he had before. Naming them was a total pain in the ass, it felt like surrendering, even a joke. 

So now, he knew he was kind of nervous—not butterflies in the stomach type of nervousness, but the kind of wanting things he didn’t know how to ask for. Because he was never going to say it out loud, ever, but Feng Xin’s presence was calming, it gave him peace. A sense of tranquil joy that sent him back to the good old days at Xianle.

A heavy sigh left Mu Qing, making Feng Xin to stir a bit without standing up. 

“You didn’t have to actually change palaces,” Mu Qing started. “Now I have to deal with Lang Qianqiu’s love issues— and a tiger.”

“Lang Qianqiu has love issues ?” Feng Xin asked dumbfounded. 

“Something about Pei Xiu and his exile.”

“Oh, that.” 

Feng Xin didn’t say anything else, which made Mu Qing open his eyes and look at him. He was laying on his back, looking at the sky. He knew Feng Xin could feel his eyes on him but he still didn't say anything. 

“Feng Xin…” 

“You seemed quite serious about it. I didn’t want to bother you anymore.” 

It was Mu Qing’s turn to fall silent. He sighed and got back to fully lay on his back too. “You don’t bother me that much…” Feng Xin turned his head to look at him, “anymore,” Mu Qing added, rolling his eyes but with a small smile on his lips. 

“You…” he whispered while staring at Mu Qing’s side profile. 

The next thing that happened felt like a vivid dream for Mu Qing. He felt his right hand being slowly caressed, as if tempting the water. When Mu Qing didn’t protest (or hit him), Feng Xin held it completely, with a tenderness that made Mu Qing’s heart miss a beat.

The gaze that accompanied it was quite intense. Mu Qing gained some courage and turned his head to the side, searching for Feng Xin’s eyes and being careful to not let go of his old friend’s hand. 

To his misfortune, or fortune, only a few centimeters separated their noses. The unexpected proximity provoked Mu Qing to quickly jerk his head back as if nothing happened, yet his ears were tainted pink. He couldn’t care if the other man saw it.

Their hands stayed intertwined. They were going to ignore later how they were found by Mu Qing’s deputy god in that position the very next day. 

V

He knew he shouldn’t interrupt like this, not again. Yet the pain he felt, squeezing his heart and lungs, didn’t allow him to stay put at his own palace any longer.

“Where the fuck is he?” Mu Qing shouted as he rushed inside Feng Xin’s palace, without permission, being rude like before. 

Feng Xin almost never spent much time around in the Heavens, being more in the Mortal World. Yet it had kind of changed a couple of months ago, ever since the night they held hands below the cherry trees. 

Mu Qing felt furious, how could Feng Xin be so careless? Did he always have to resolve everything alone or what was he trying to prove by facing three wrath ghosts by himself? 

If it wasn’t because he heard his deputy gods gossiping about it, Mu Qing wouldn’t have found out about the accident, or even believed it. 

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Mu Qing yelled as he finally entered Feng Xin’s chambers. “Did you want to get killed or what ?”

Feng Xin seemed like he wanted to stand up but the civil god who was tending to his injuries pinned him down by the shoulder. He winced at the movement.

“What the fuck, Feng Xin!” Mu Qing pushed aside the few deputy gods around the bed, oblivious to the stares he was getting from some of them (probably the ones who didn’t buy the gossiping of them falling asleep under the cherry trees).

It was kind of a scene if he stopped to think about it. Once again, he was rudely intruding another god’s palace, this time making his way up to his chambers. On top of that, out of all the martial gods Mu Qing never got along with, this one was supposed to be his “rival”.

“Now who is the one with a poor vocabulary?” Feng Xin mocked him. The smile disappeared fastly as he shout, “Fuck!” a shriek leaving his mouth as the doctor put his arm back into its socket. 

Mu Qing didn’t look worried but mad, which was more confusing than anything. At the scream of Feng Xin, his brows furrowed. He stopped at the edge of the bed and demanded that he explain himself.

Feng Xin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. At that moment Mu Qing, at last, realized how uncommon he was acting and how weird it was even for him. His gaze fell to the ground, and due to his pale and thin complexion, the blush that crept up his neck was obvious and easily noticeable. 

Mu Qing crossed his arms and stared at Feng Xin. “If you are not tending to his wounds or being of any service, ” he was addressing the deputy gods in a low restrained tone, “you are dismissed.” 

Feng Xin’s deputy gods bowed and started leaving. By the time just the civil god and one deputy god who was assisting him remained, Mu Qing’s skin returned to his usual tone. 

“Now explain.”

“What do you want me to explain, Mu Qing? Isn’t it obvious?” 

Mu Qing hit the mattress with his fists as he leaned down: “What were you thinking facing them on your own! Reckless idiot!” 

“It’s not like I’m a weak recently ascended martial god !” Feng Xin threatened to rise up to face him but the civil god still restrained him. 

“General Nan Yang, please , remain calm or you will open your wounds again,” said the civil god, still holding him in place. “And General Xuan Zhen, refrain from giving him any more reasons to move, please.” 

Mu Qing nodded, backing away reluctantly. He huffed and then started pacing around the room. 

Why was he so worried? Why does looking at him hurt and in pain, but knowing he wasn’t going to die from it, was hurting him too? The feelings in his chest made him uncomfortable. Knowing it was definitely a one sided-thing, because obviously Feng Xin would never harbor such feelings for a man like him—or even a man—, made him want to leave the Heavens and disappear in Hua Cheng’s nasty territory.

Mu Qing was brought back from his thoughts when he heard Feng Xin. “Why are you concerned about me anyways?” He addressed him in a low, curious tone. “Even your footsteps aren’t floaty like always,” Feng Xin pointed out. 

“My what ?” Mu Qing stopped pacing and turned around to face him. He noticed there was no one else in the room anymore, just the both of them. 

“You normally don’t make any sound while walking, it’s all graceful and… floaty ,” Feng Xin explained as if it was a well known fact. 

Mu Qing crossed his arms against his chest and pressed them with more strength, forcing himself to avoid the reaction he felt creeping up his body. “I am not concerned,” he said, even though he knew that was a blatant lie. 

Feng Xin smiled softly. “And I have a third eye, Mu Qing.” 

The other god sighed. Then, he got closer to the bed once again. “Just… Just what happened?” His voice was oddly gentle. “Why didn’t you take your deputy general or any other deputy gods with you? It’s not as if you don’t have people in your palace.” Feng Xin remained silent. “Feng Xin, don’t be such an idiot and tell me .” It was almost a plea.

“I… I don’t even know,” he replied, looking at the ceiling. 

“Oh, come on, just tell me. Why did you do such an irresponsible thing?” 

“And why do you care so much?” Feng Xin exclaimed exasperated, but he regretted immediately once Mu Qing’s expression shifted instantly.

I wonder the same. Mu Qing’s body was tense, he gritted his teeth. He suddenly felt seen . It wasn’t that it was a bad thing, he had always wanted to feel that way with Feng Xin but the sensation was weird. He had thought about a thousand mean things to say back at the moment but he decided to bite his tongue. 

Mu Qing turned around, ready to leave. But before he reached the door, Feng Xin spoke, “Don’t leave.” He stopped but didn't turn around. “Don’t. Leave. Me. ”

There was a part of Mu Qing that had always wanted to be needed somewhere, by someone, not because of his abilities or any material thing he could provide, but because of himself . Not as a personal attendant. Not as a deputy god. Not as the heavenly official, a martial god. Not as General Xuan Zhen. Just as Mu Qing . 

That was the way he felt he was needed at that moment. Feng Xin’s tone was soft, tender, even vulnerable . There was a tiny bit of fear mingled with that softness, a fear Mu Qing could easily recognize; being left alone when he needed someone by his side. Neither of them dared to move or utter a single sound for what felt like an eternity, but what was eternity when time had long since been meaningless to them?

It took more than a second for Mu Qing to gather some courage. When having to deal with his feelings, or complicated situations not concerned with battle (read dealing with people), Mu Qing’s instinct was to flee. But maybe it was time for him to try something else.

“How is the pain?” he asked, walking back to his bed. His eyes couldn’t meet Feng Xin’s.

“Not that bad.” 

“Did they say anything? Left things you have to take?” Mu Qing walked around the bed to the other side and checked what was on the nearest table. 

“They said they would be coming back soon, they just needed to go check something urgent.” 

Mu Qing’s eyebrows furrowed. “What could be more urgent than treating you?” 

Surprised at his own words, Mu Qing opened his eyes widely, biting his lip before he could say anything else embarrassing. Feng Xin, however, laughed. It was a shy laugh, one that took Mu Qing down memory lane back to Xianle days. That laugh was rare and never for him or because of him. 

Mu Qing’s hands trembled as he grabbed a damp cloth. “You still look like shit, moron.” 

“Mu Qing, I need you to stop talking like that, you are scaring me,” Feng Xin commented lightheartedly. 

Mu Qing rolled his eyes and sat close to him. He cleaned Feng Xin’s face with delicate movements, never pressing the cloth hard against his skin. 

Feng Xin’s eyes were fixed on Mu Qing’s face. “Don’t look at me.” 

“Where else am I supposed to look at then?”

“Close your eyes or I am leaving.” 

Feng Xin huffed but obliged. It made Mu Qing feel more at ease. Once his face was clean, he passed the cloth around his neck, then his hands.

“Can you move?” 

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to. Why?” 

“Your clothes are beyond dirty. It’s disgusting ,” he said without any actual heat. 

Feng Xin opened his eyes and laughed. “I think that is the least of my worries right now.” 

They stayed silent for a while, which made Feng Xin fall asleep. Mu Qing kept mindlessly cleaning his face, not knowing what else to do with his hands. He exhaled heavily, feeling the worry that had consumed him all day leaving his body. 

When the awkwardness of being next to a sleeping Feng Xin hit him, Mu Qing thought about leaving. Besides, it wasn’t as if he needed him now, right? 

Despite the closeness they seemed to be working on lately, Mu Qing couldn’t still believe how someone, anyone, would want to even be close to him. Of course he kept holding onto the conversation—was it considered a conversation?—when Xie Lian, Feng Xin and him were in their near death experience. But once again, unlearning something that had existed for more than 800 years wasn’t easy. Was it even possible to overcome such an insecurity?

The universe had other plans, because as soon as he was going to stand up and run from those thoughts, a civil goddess appeared. 

“Is he asleep?” She asked.

“Yes, he just fell asleep a couple of minutes ago.” 

“That’s fine. He should take all the rest hours he can so he can recover faster.” Mu Qing nodded. He saw the civil god contemplating something while looking at the man in bed. She then sighed, directing her attention to Mu Qing. “He has twelve broken bones, three torn ligaments and has lost quite some blood, but with his spiritual energy level, he should be okay in less than two days.” 

He nodded again, his curiosity rising. How the hell did you get hurt? “I will be coming twice a day to check his bandages, but as I said, there is nothing else that has to be done. I will advise his deputy general to take care of the prayers and don’t let anyone bother him until he can stand up.” 

The civil goddess left and once again, Mu Qing didn’t know what to do. He looked around and noticed the awful mess in which Feng Xin’s chambers were. He snorted and rolled his eyes. Typical.  

In an attempt to stop thinking—and feeling, he tidied up the place. Most candles had been turned off but he still could see. He tried not to make too much noise but the owner of the palace still woke up. 

“Mu Qing?” it was a soft whisper, half asleep. 

“I am still here.” 

“What are you doing?” 

“This place is a mess.” 

“Mhm, it’s not.” 

“It is.” 

“Leave it like that.” But Mu Qing ignored him and kept organizing his stuff. “Mu Qing.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Why are you here?” the words come out slowly, as if he’s sleep talking.

Mu Qing pondered his options of how to reply. He had been asking himself that since Feng Xin fell asleep. He remembered the worry and pain he felt when he heard about his accident. He was scared, truly scared something horrible had happened. Bad news flies. And when he finally saw him drenched in blood and lying still on his bed, there was a part of him that broke down. Unable to understand the feeling, he resorted to name it anger; he was “angry” because of Feng Xin’s carelessness. 

But yeah, it was all a lie. “Why wouldn’t I be here?” He whispered. 

“Then,” Feng Xin cleared his throat, “would you mind staying the night?” 

Mu Qing felt a warm sensation creeping up his face. “Stay the night in your… palace?” 

“No,” Feng Xin patted the bed, “here.”  

At that point Mu Qing gave it to the pain Feng Xin was feeling for messing up with his old friend-rival-close friend’s mind. “Stop saying stupid things, Feng Xin.” 

“It’s not stupid.” 

“You are stupid.” 

“And you are an idiot!” Feng Xin tried to find something in his bed to throw at him but the mere movement made him scream: he had used the arm that had been dislocated.

“Feng Xin you idiot !” Mu Qing approached him. “Stop moving and go back to sleep. How dare you call me an idiot when you do these reckless things. Please, stay put and go back to sleep.” 

“Why? So you can leave and I wake up to an empty bed as always?” 

His words took Mu Qing by surprise. Wake up to an empty bed as always? That was how Feng Xin felt? And what had that to do with Mu Qing anyway? Couldn’t Feng Xin solve it by himself?

“Feng Xin, I swear! Pain is truly making you say bullshit.” 

“So you won’t be staying?” Feng Xin ignored what he had said. To be honest with himself, Mu Qing was exhausted. One moment they were okay, then they fought, then they were like this . “Why do you always make things so hard!” 

Mu Qing stood up immediately. He had been through all possible emotions in just one night and he was sure he couldn’t deal with more. “Good night, General Nan Yang.” 

“ Wait , no! Mu Qing!” 

Mu Qing did not wait. He was already down the hallway when his brain started hurting .

Why the fuck are you contacting me through my private communication array?  

How else will you hear me if I can’t get out of bed?

Just shut up! Go to sleep, and leave me alone !

Mu Qing kept walking and for a second got actually scared when Feng Xin let him go, not bugging his brain anymore. Maybe it was that easy to give up on him, just as it was easy for him to leave. 

He stopped at the main door and hesitated. When he felt stupid enough for having doubted leaving, he clenched his fists and walked away. 

Of course he couldn’t sleep. It’s not like gods need sleep anyways, but Mu Qing would appreciate having some hours thoughts-free. Around what he thought might be midnight, he got a soft prayer. 

Gods don’t need to eat, gods don’t need to sleep, and gods definitely do not need to pray, though they often do when their nature reminds them they once were humans.

Mu Qing closed his eyes. The prayer got mixed up with the rest, the voices unidentifiable, but he knew who was praying to him. He sighed and rested an arm on his forehead, regretting for once his ascension. 

Can you let me sleep?

Come back to bed.

I am in my bed .

You left .

Mu Qing got annoyed. Feng Xin seemed to not mind what he had to say and only demanded that he go back to his palace. For what? Mu Qing decided to stop replying. 

He should not be in the position he was in, he should not be having a turmoil of emotions overwhelming him, and he should not be in such a dilemma because of Feng Xin among all people.

Go to sleep, Feng Xin, please.

“I can’t”

Mu Qing opened his eyes. That was not Feng Xin on the private communication array. He sounded close, too close. He stood up and walked to his room’s door. When he opened it, Feng Xin flopped forward. 

“Are you out of your mind?!” Mu Qing almost didn’t catch him. He passed his arms under Feng Xin’s armpits and held his weight, trying to keep the man standing up. “You have several broken bones and torn ligaments, how the fuck are you out of your bed? How did you walk all the way over here? Why did you walk all the way over here!” Mu Qing was half yelling, half whispering. He looked behind him and noticed a faint trail of blood. “Great! My palace is now dirty, Feng Xin!” 

Feng Xin chuckled, his eyes still closed. “I’ll have Nang Feng clean it tomorrow morning.” 

The joke was so stupid Mu Qing rolled his eyes. “As if that bastard will be able to stand up tomorrow.”

Maybe Mu Qing should stop making exemptions. But when it came to Feng Xin, they didn’t feel like exemptions at all. Maybe he had a soft spot for him. Maybe he was just lost in incomprehensible feelings. Or maybe he was just stupid.

Mu Qing helped him to lay down on his own bed, ignoring the fact that it was going to get stained with blood, sweat and whatever was still in Feng Xin’s clothes. He had the strength to walk but not to change his clothes? Unbelievable! 

Mu Qing sighed loudly, clearly exaggerating it. 

“I’ll have Nang Feng clean it tomorrow,” Feng Xin reiterated, a faint smile on his lips but with his eyes still closed. 

Mu Qing flicked him on the forehead but regretted immediately when Feng Xin groaned. “Sorry,” he whispered. 

He took Feng Xin’s boots off and did his best to cover him with the blanket without hurting him. He sat on the edge of the mattress. 

“Why are you here?” There was an echo in Mu Qing’s question. Feng Xin hummed but didn't reply. “ Feng Xin .” 

“I needed to sleep.” 

“You have your bed. You were in your bed. You could have slept there. In your palace.” 

Feng Xin did his best to shake his head. Holding Mu Qing’s glare, he decided to shoot directly at his heart: “I am here for the same reason you were there.”

Mu Qing shook his head vigorously. No , he was not going to accept that. He didn’t even know why he went to Feng Xin’s place to begin with. Well, no, that was a lie too. Mu Qing’s hands found their way into his hair and he pulled it, exasperated. 

Definitely the longest, weirdest, most emotionally taxing day he had ever had.

“General Xuan Zhen.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Mu Qing.” 

“I said, shut it !” 

“Qing-er.” Mu Qing covered his face with his hands. “Qing-er. Qing-er.” Mu Qing was sure the pain had made Feng Xin go stupid. “ A-Qing .” 

“In Heavens’ name, shut up !” Opening his eyes, Mu Qing caught Feng Xin looking fondly at him. “You are wrong . You know nothing about me!” Feng Xin nodded. “I am not who you think I am and I do not want to be around you!” Feng Xin nodded again, still smiling. “ Stop that! ” It came out as a whine.  

“Stop what ?” Feng Xin’s smile was going to be his cause of death. 

Mu Qing groaned and pulled from his hair once more. “Don’t do this to me, please ,” he pleaded softly, almost inaudible. 

As soft as a plea, a name to worship: “Qing-er… Qing-er” 

“ What !” 

“Stay the night with me.” 

There were already tears in Mu Qing’s eyes. “This is my place, idiot.” 

Feng Xin looked sleepier than before. “Then let me stay the night.” 

Mu Qing nodded and crawled his way, laying down next to him. “You are so stupid, Feng Xin. Definitely the dumbest, most stupid man I have ever met. How did you get this injured?” Mu Qing’s voice was wobbly, “You are lucky your head is so tough and empty or you would’ve died right there. How dare you be so stupid to do this to yourself!” 

Under the covers, Feng Xin grabbed Mu Qing’s trembling hand. “Yeah, I am pretty stupid.” 

“The stupidest,” he replied, pulling Feng Xin into a hug.

Feng Xin whined, the movement hurting him. But neither of them cared. Mu Qing accommodated half of his body on top of him, allowing himself to be a little selfish for once.

“Weren’t you worried I was hurting?”

“You can take it. Just shut up.”

“Shut me up.”

“Idiot.”

Feng Xin had the audacity to smirk. “But you like me like that, don’t you?” 

Mu Qing sighed. “Against my will.”

VI

Feng Xin sat down, eyes focused on Mu Qing’s back, who still didn’t want to show his face. 

“Stop what now?” Feng Xin demanded again. “I asked you something, Mu Qing.”

“And I gave you an answer already!” Mu Qing whined as he yelled, his head still hurt.

Mu Qing hated what happened after. Once Feng Xin noticed he was in pain, he could feel a change in his humor. Feng Xin got closer to him, worried. Mu Qing rolled in bed, laying on his stomach and trying as best as he could to push his partner away.

“A-Qing?” It was a soft call. It pained him in different ways. 

There it was, the tenderness and softness he knew he didn’t deserve. Coming from the man who always compromised himself to be with him, for him. Who Mu Qing owed more than gave. It was eating him alive.

Muffled against the pillow, Mu Qing’s voice came out distant. “Aren’t you just tired?” 

“Of what?” Feng Xin asked, confused.

“Of me?” He answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Why would I be tired of you?” Feng Xin gently grabbed his arm and prompted him to sit up. Mu Qing complied, face still hidden. “I think it should be the other way around, actually,” he laughed, “I don’t know how you put up with me.”

Mu Qing felt his heart squeeze. “Don’t say that, A-Xin.” He shook his head, enduring the pain. “Don’t say that ever again, please.”

“I’m asking you for the same thing, then, Qing-er.”

“It’s different.”

Feng Xin laughed unamused. Mu Qing knew him well to know he was getting angry. “How is it different ? We have been together for almost nine centuries and you ask me now if I’m tired of you ?” He paused and Mu Qing didn’t dare look at his face just yet. “I come home to you every night. It’s what I wait for every morning I leave! To just be back and hold you!”

“But don’t you want something else?!” Mu Qing’s face was a mix of pain and sadness. 

Feng Xin was taken aback with his retort. His grip on Mu Qing’s arms loosened, clearly confused. “Something else?” He sighed. “I’m lost. Either you spell it or I won’t get it.”

That was what Mu Qing feared the most. Not because he was a teenager who couldn’t bring up the topic but because of the forwardness it had to ask Feng Xin about it. It also sickened how he couldn’t pull himself to say it directly to his eyes.

Finding comfort in looking at one side of his partner’s head, above his right shoulder, he spoke, “You say you can’t wait to come back and hold me.”

“Yeah, and?” He could also feel Feng Xin growing impatient. A childlike charm he had grown to love by now.

“Don’t you want to touch me?” He blurted out, cheeks a tender hue of red. “For me to… touch you?”

Mu Qing couldn’t blame Feng Xin from letting go of him, as if his arms turned into boiling lava out of nowhere. The man stood up from bed so fast Mu Qing didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He paced around the length of the bed, still not looking back at him.

“See?”

“See what?” Feng Xin snapped back, “See what !”

“Just how hard is it?”

“Is it what !” Feng Xin sat at the edge of the bed, clearly annoyed with the way they were getting nowhere. He rubbed his face with force, and then slapped his cheeks, taking Mu Qing by surprise. “Okay, walk me through it, darling, because I’m two seconds aways from losing my mind.” He turned to look at him. “Why are you suddenly thinking about that kind of intimacy?”

Long forgotten his migraine, Mu Qing sat cross legged in bed. He shrugged.

“So, it just appeared out of nowhere in your top list of things-with-which-to-bother-my-partner-tonight?”

Mu Qing snorted, amused by his partner’s ability to bullshit. “No,” he even dared to roll his eyes.

“Yeah, and I was born yesterday.” He rapidly cut short Mu Qing’s retort, “Shut it. Now, I really had a long day, which you seemed to ignore, mind you, so I’m literally begging you right now, explain why all of a sudden you seem to be pondering throwing your vows through the window.”

“I’m-I… I’m not considering that!” Crimson Rain Sought Flower was no rival to the red that took over Mu Qing’s whole face.

“Well, you just directly asked me if I ever thought of touching you or you touching me!” He paused. “Which by the way, it’s not a completely baseless question but I don’t get why you came to think about it centuries into us knowing each other,” it all came rushed, clearly denoting an embarrassed Feng Xin.

Honestly, it all was so awkward Mu Qing hadn’t considered this outcome. In his mind, Feng Xin was going to agree to them breaking up since he thought he was tired of him. And Mu Qing was going to cry his night away. Then it would be a rough patch again for both, maybe going back to fighting constantly for their territory and whatnot. But talking things out? Take his ascension away from him.

Mu Qing kneeled behind his back. “So you have.” Not a question but a statement.

“Well, I do have a human’s body…” He whispered. “And it’s not like I vowed anything so…” he sighed. “But if it is the answer you are seeking, Qing-er, it’s not a need you have to satisfy. I will never ask you for such a thing.” 

He reached for Mu Qing’s hand. “Have I ever taken it further when we are kissing and fooling around?” Mu Qing shook his head, a bit embarrassed himself. “Have I ever touched you in any way that has made you uncomfortable when we are naked in bed or after taking a bath?” He shook his head again. “Then why do you think I would want to leave you if we don’t have that in our relationship? Have you ever thought that maybe it isn’t that important when godhood takes most of your human needs away?”

“Then how do you explain Your Highness and Crimson Rain Sought Flower’s constant incidents ? And Pei Ming?”

Feng Xin laughed loudly. “Hua Cheng’s a ghost. Pei Ming is a lost case, A-Qing.”

“You are still not answering my question.”

“I think I just did. Maybe you just want to push me into giving up on you, don’t you, General Xuan Zhen?... I take your silence as my answer. Look, I haven’t even thought about sex at all in centuries, if I’m being honest. We met roughly twenty years as humans, and then… I think I have felt more human these past eight centuries than a god. I still find it hard to adjust to it sometimes, as if those scarce human years were more impactful. Besides, you never showed any kind of interest in anything related to it back in Xianle, so I crossed that off my mind when I started getting interested in you.”

“When?”

Feng Xin shook his head, amused. “So, of everything I just said, the only thing that caught your attention was the getting interested in you part?”

Mu Qing nodded eagerly, making Feng Xin throw his head back in laughter. “You seem like a curious child, my martial god. Very endearing.”

“Don’t make me backflip you, General Nan Yang.”

Feng Xin held up his arms, hands opened in a sign of surrender. He sighed, seeming to ponder something while he stared past Mu Qing. “I think it was after we split, the three of us. After also losing touch with Jian Lan. A bit before our ascension. Everything was a mess and I could only think about seeing you . Somewhat in my mind you were a synonym of peace, that everything was going to be okay,” he snorted, “even if we only fought. But then we ascended and we went back to what we knew. I found comfort in it, a constant to maintain me sane.”

Feng Xin finally looked back at Mu Qing, only to find his eyes tearful. Before Feng Xin could say something, Mu Qing wiped his eyes and held up a hand in between them, stopping whatever movement of the other. Feng Xin leaned against the headboard, arms crossed behind his back. He gave Mu Qing the space he needed and closed his eyes, a content and relaxed expression on his face.

So they have been both idiots, waiting centuries to overcome whatever rift they had created for themselves, only to find they could’ve been together even since their human years. Just like the moment he was certain his life was going to be taken by the lava, Mu Qing allowed himself a tiny moment of vulnerability. However, he felt prideful enough to not let Feng Xin “win”. He was not going to speak his heart out as easily as him, even if he practically could see through Mu Qing and knew it was something mutual.

Mu Qing laid on his side, using Feng Xin’s chest as a pillow. The bigger man hummed content, letting him make himself comfortable. Feng Xin kissed his forehead.

“Build a statue of me in your palace.”

“Mu Qing, you cannot be serious right now.”

“It better be beautiful or I will destroy it.”

“Why are you so pressed about how you look in your statues, for Heaven’s sake!”

“So you were considering making it ugly!”

Eight hundred years of something are not unlearnt that easily. Or maybe there was comfort in getting on each other’s nerves. But they would not mind staying every night til the end of time in the company of the other.