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The quarry was bathing in the last rays of the sun. Billy had learned that the Indiana heatwave was a real thing and he’d spent the last few days in just shorts and a tank top and all the nights naked in front of a fan. It was just too hot for any clothes, really, and he would’ve given almost anything to be able to paddle out onto some waves. But here he was, stuck inland, far away from the ocean, so it was the quarry or Lover’s Lake. Knowing what all went to the water of the community pool—it was not just chlorine—he didn’t swim in it except while giving lessons to the kids.
And besides, Hawkins had one thing he didn’t have in Cali; a friend. Steve. And Steve also had a pool, so that was a bonus.
Unfortunately, Billy was also crushing at that said friend, hard. Which, then again, was a problem.
Above him, the birds were singing while they were on their way back to the forest and to their nests for the night. He opened a new pack of Marlboros and lit one up.
Steve had called him and told him he broke up with Nancy. Fucking finally, had been Billy’s first thought. Those two had been distant from each other for a long time. Billy was sure that Nancy had a thing with that Byers dude, but he didn’t want to get involved in any of that shit. It was better he didn’t know anything because then he wouldn’t have to tell Steve, either. And he couldn’t deny it, as impossible as it was, he felt like now he had a shot. If he was ever trying to do something, he’d have to get to it soon. Because when the summer was over, he’d leave for California.
Unless…
Like a good, loyal friend he'd called and asked if Steve wanted to talk. Of course he wanted to. So they’d agreed to meet here and here Billy was, leaning on the hood of the Camaro, a six-pack sans one waiting on the passenger seat.
Soon the burgundy BMW drove up the hill and parked next to the Camaro.
Billy turned to look when Steve stepped out of the car, and his heart dropped a little. Steve his eyes with red rims around them, face all puffy, and the usual spark he had going on whenever they met nowhere to be found. Billy raised his beer in greeting to Steve. “There’s beer on the front seat. Help yourself.”
Steve fetched a can to himself and leaned on the Camaro next to Billy. “Thanks,” he muttered.
They remained there for a while like that, quietly observing the surroundings, birds flying above, watching the darkening summer sky. Passing the cigarette between them in silence until it was all gone.
“So…what happened?” Billy asked.
Steve stared in the distance for a while before he answered. “She said she didn’t love me anymore.”
“Just that?”
“And that she didn’t want to be with me anymore,” Steve said, nodding.
“Kinda shitty.”
“Yeah,” Steve sighed.
A silence fell between them. Billy didn’t want to push it, he’d allow Steve talk at his own pace. Having your heart broken was hard. He was way too familiar with that. So he lit another smoke and passed it to Steve.
Steve took a pull of the smoke and was quiet for a while before talking. “I never thought it would end.”
“’m sorry man,” Billy said, patting Steve on the back. “You never think it might end.”
Steve took one more pull of the smoke and gave it to Billy. “What did you do when your relationships ended?”
Billy snorted. “Don’t really do relationships.” He bit his cheek and shrugged. “Or maybe relationships just don’t do me. Don’t exactly know which one.”
“You’ve never had a girlfriend?”
“I’ve gone to dates, had sex.” What Billy didn’t add was that a few of those were hookups with boys in Cali, part of the reason why they moved here in the first place. “Not one girlfriend.”
Steve nodded and took a sip of his beer. “I thought you would’ve had several.”
“Yeah,” Billy replied, looking up into the sky. “Not a lot of selection where to choose from over here.”
Steve frowned and looked at Billy. “You don’t know how great a person is just from the surface.”
Billy looked down to the gravel under his feet. He pondered whether this was the moment to say anything or should he just wait. “Yeah, I know.” He shook his head before glancing at Steve. “It’s not about that.” He decided that no, now wasn’t the time. “So, what are you going to do now that you’re single?”
“I don’t want to be single. I don’t want to be alone.”
“I’m here,” Billy said quietly. “You can always call me.”
Steve’s face lit up. “Can I?”
“Sure. Anytime.”
“I always thought we weren’t that good friends.”
“I didn’t know you have to be best friends just to hang out.”
Steve chuckled. “Yeah, I guess.”
They were quiet for a long while.
Steve opened another beer and drank from it. Then he spoke again, “We could be. You know, best friends.”
Billy smiled shyly and looked at Steve who was looking at him with a lopsided grin. “Really?”
Steve nodded. “Really.”
“Okay.” Billy clinked his beer against Steve’s. “Best friends.”
The words brought back some of the familiar sparkle into Steve’s eyes. “Best friends.”
Being best friends with Steve after he’d broken up with Nancy wasn’t the easiest, though, as Billy very quickly found out. He was there for Steve gladly, but the guy could go on for hours about how Nancy had been perfect for him and questioning if he’d done everything he could and had he been the best boyfriend he could’ve been—the list went on and on.
At one point it just became too much.
Because Billy wasn’t there just simply because he wanted to be friends with Steve. He was there also for selfish reasons. Listening Steve endlessly talking about Nancy was getting frustrating, because each word reminded him how Steve was straight and not queer. Billy had already started to lose his optimism, giving in to the cold reality of not ever having what he so much wanted.
And the closer the end of August came, the more restless Billy became. He’d planned on ditching this sad excuse of a town the moment his job at the pool ended—unless he could have something with Steve. But he’d been too scared to act, too afraid of losing a friend, his best friend.
So, it was the second to last weekend before the end of August when he once again turned up on Harrington’s door. By then they were good enough friends that he could walk in, say hello to Steve’s mom if she was home—she usually wasn’t—and go upstairs.
This time wasn’t any different. Steve had called and because Billy wasn't working the next day he could stay out late. When Steve told him that his parents were out of town, Billy decided to take his last spliff and a six-pack with him. They could celebrate a little. What, Billy wasn’t exactly sure. But he felt like Steve had been wallowing in the Nancy-pit long enough and he needed to get out of his head.
Billy managed to knock only a few times to the front door when Steve already opened it.
“Hey!” he said cheerily and gave space for Billy to walk in.
“Someone sounds chirpy today,” Billy said with smirk.
“Well, I feel chirpy.”
“Well, that’s good,” Billy said and dug the smoke from the breast pocket of his jeans jacket and showed it to Steve. “Because I brought something that might loose you up a little.”
Steve’s eyes widened. “Is that…”
“Why yes, Steve, it is.”
“I didn’t know you knew where to get that stuff from.”
“Steve. This is a hick town. It doesn’t really require looking to find out who the local dealer is. Because what else are you guys gonna do here? Go to the fair?”
“Excuse me, but the fair is fun—and you liked it, too, by the way,” Steve said defensively. The smile didn’t falter on his face, though.
“I bet this is more fun,” Billy said and walked past Steve into the living room. “You wanna smoke here or…”
“We better go to the backyard. My mom would murder me if she smells that stuff inside.”
Billy sat onto the side of the pool that was still warm from the sun that had been scorching it all day long. He rolled his jeans up to his knees and dipped his feet into the warm water.
Steve brought his boombox with him and turned on the radio on before sitting next to Billy, his feet in the water too.
“So, what are you going to do when the pool closes? Any plans?” Steve asked Billy after he took his first drag of the joint.
Billy hadn’t told Steve and he realized that maybe he should’ve. Maybe it would’ve made this moment easier if he had. “Um…I was thinking, uh, going back to Cali.”
“Oh.”
Steve sounded surprised and…wounded. It made Billy’s stomach twist. “I mean…there’s nothing here for me. And I’ve been saving all summer, so I’m gonna be good for a few months. Until I find a job.” Billy inhaled through the smoke and offered it to Steve.
Steve pursed his lips and nodded as he accepted the smoke. “Right.”
“Don’t sound so cheery about it,” Billy said, trying to lift the mood that had suddenly fell into some deep depths.
“Sorry. I just…” Steve started, took a drag, paused, and took another drag.
Billy looked at him when he didn’t continue. He was starting to feel the effect of the weed and he didn’t like it that the mood had suddenly taken a whole another direction than what he’d hoped. “You what?”
“I…I thought we had more time.”
Billy’s heart lurched. Steve couldn’t mean what he thought he meant. There just was no way. He glanced at Steve who was hunched and looked at the joint he held with his thumb and index finger. “What do you mean?”
“Just…” Steve started after a while. “…this. Chilling. Hanging out.” He paused. “Being with you.”
Billy was quiet. Thousand things went through his mind. Whether this was the time he should do something or not, just let it go or put all in.
He hadn’t paid any attention to the music on the background before, but now, among this silence, he heard the lyrics.
I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams, I've kissed your lips a thousand times
What were the odds this was the song of all the songs in the world that came on right now…
Hello
Is it me you're looking for?
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You're all I've ever wanted
He should do something. Seize the moment. What did he have to lose? He was going to leave just in a few weeks. If it all went to hell, well, he could leave a few days early. And he’d been thinking of this for long enough already.
I long to see the sunlight in your hair
And tell you time and time again how much I care
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow
He’d at least would know where they’d stand, if there was a chance in hell.
But let me start by saying
I love you
Billy looked at Steve who was staring at the surface of the pool water. “Hey, Steve…” he started.
Steve didn’t move.
Billy took a deep breath. This was it. His heart was thundering in his chest as he leaned towards Steve. “Hey,” he said softly.
After a moment Steve turned to look at him. His hair was flopped over his eyes, almost hiding them. Billy was close enough to see through the hair though. The eyes were dark chocolate brown, and they had flecks of gold in them, just a little.
Billy had never noticed before. If it was up to him he would never get tired of looking at them either. Since Steve didn’t move away even though Billy was this close to him, Billy leaned the rest of the way in and pressed his lips gently against Steve’s.
The kiss was chaste because Billy didn’t want to scare him. Just to see how he’d react.
Steve’s eyes were wide and his mouth hung open a little when Billy pulled back.
Instantly Billy felt his stomach drop. Mistake. A huge one. He felt like crying, and stood up. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, chin quivering.
He was already walking away from the pool when Steve grabbed his arm. “Hey. Don’t go.”
+ + +
Ever since Billy had said he’d like to be friends Steve's world had been a bit more tolerable. Sure, he appreciated Billy’s support after the breakup, it was the starting point after all.
He was no longer lonely thanks to Billy. He knew Billy had some issues at home, but he never asked more than what Billy wanted to tell. He was just happy that Billy seemed happier when he was with him, too.
So, his open invitation for Billy to come over whenever was for the both of them, really.
Over the month since they decided to become best friends they’d gotten closer. Watched movies, drank too much beer, done some dumb shit. Like accidentally burned a hole into living room curtain in one party and gotten Steve his first speeding ticket when Billy had given him a lesson on how to drive a muscle car. It had not been a surprise to Chief Hopper the speeding car was Billy’s Camaro. Steve behind the wheel instead had been.
And they had laughed. So much. Steve didn’t remember when he’d had this much fun. It had to have been a long time ago, maybe when he and Hagan were still friends. When Hagan was still actually fun and not just a butt-licking asshole.
Every day with Billy around was brighter than the ones when he wasn’t there.
After a while Steve had admitted that he didn’t want Billy around just because of their friendship. He was being pulled towards Billy in a way that had felt filthy at first. He was a guy and he wasn’t supposed to feel like that about another guy.
But he’d made friends with Robin at Scoops and one day after he’d learned about Robin’s likes, he’d ended up asking her about how he should go about it. To which she had replied very wisely; The heart wants what the heart wants .
So, Steve had tried to let himself get used to the idea that he had feelings towards Billy. The only heart wrenching thing was that he didn’t know how Billy felt about him. Maybe he was just a friend to him and nothing more. But he was determined to try to find out.
Which was why Billy’s words about leaving to Cali just in a few weeks punched the air out of Steve’s lungs.
But then Billy kissed him…and everything changed.
The weight of the silence between was heavy, yet fragile, easily to be crushed just by one wrong breath.
Billy licked his lips nervously and looked away. “Didn’t mean it,” he muttered.
Steve looked at him with a lopsided grin. “I think you did.”
Billy felt himself blushing. How did Steve see through him like that?
Steve let go of Billy’s arm and took a step closer, closing the space between them.
Billy felt Steve’s gaze burning his skin. A gentle brush of a hand on his, a question. He let Steve take his hand in his.
A smile tucked the corner of Steve’s mouth. He leaned in, closing the final distance between them and pressed their lips together.
Billy’s lips were softer than Steve had expected. He tasted like weed, smoke and beer. But somewhere there, buried under it all, strawberry. It made Steve smile in the kiss, and he pulled back enough to lean his forehead against Billy’s. “You taste like strawberries.”
The corners of Billy’s eyes crinkled as he let out a laugh. He looked at Steve. “That’s what you picked up after all the beer and weed?” he asked, whispering.
“Yeah,” Steve whispered back. “It’s my favorite.”