Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - the old building in front of you is reaching towards the sky, casting an ominous shadow over you and your partner. The red-brick apartment complex has six floors, but based on the many broken and boarded up windows, you can deduce that most of the apartments are empty. The whole building looks worn, definitely past its glory days like the majority of Jamrock. Most of the paint has peeled off and any available surface has been treated with offensive graffiti.

INLAND EMPIRE - the building creaks and complains in pain. It has not been maintained properly in years due to financial cuts. Most people moved out for their own safety, fearing a fire or a collapse. A smart move, as the building is not up to safety regulations. The only sign of life is a cold breeze traveling through the mostly empty hallways, trying to slither inside the still warm occupied apartments. Those who still remain are not doing it because they want to; they simply have nowhere else to go.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Detective?” The lieutenant’s familiar voice pulls you back to reality. He is giving you a questioning look.

EMPATHY [easy:success] - There is no frustration behind his look. He knows what you are doing. He may not understand how you are doing it, but he has seen you in action enough times to know that the unfocused glassy look on your face means you are connecting to your surroundings.

YOU - You gaze back at him, looking slightly confused yourself. Getting lost inside your head is so easy that often you don’t even realize that time is passing on the outside as well.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi is standing next to you, holding his blue notebook. Snow is falling gently on the pages but he doesn’t seem to mind; his focus is solely on you. You are both standing in front of a building at Rue du Delta street in Jamrock. The Kineema is sitting quietly behind you two, still warm from the drive here.

INTERFACING - The ride here was smooth enough for you to doze off briefly. The purring of the Kineema was like a lullaby, sending you into a rare moment of peaceful slumber.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [challenging:success] - “It would be a great honor, Captain” Kim says, fighting to keep his voice professional. A pair of familiar keys are placed on his open gloved hand; the keys for the Kineema. His Kineema.
It is almost unheard of for an officer to keep their patrol vehicle after a transfer between precincts, but Kim Kitsuragi is an exception. Not only has he been an immensely important part of Precinct 57, but he has also sunken a large amount of his own personal money into the car. Giving the car over to Precinct 41 with the lieutenant is certainly a show of great honor, but also a practical move on the Captain’s part, as absolutely nobody else understands how to care for the unique vehicle.

EMPATHY - Kim would never admit or outwardly show it, but he had been overjoyed with the news. A large part of him felt like he was not worthy of such a gift, but another part of him - a part he thinks of as selfish and embarrassing - desperately wanted to keep his beloved vehicle.

INLAND EMPIRE [formidable:success] - The Kineema is glad to be with Kim, as well.

YOU - You start to wonder if Kim knows this too? Should you tell him? Surely he would appreciate knowing that his car loves him too.

VOLITION - It is a nice thought, but normal people do not talk to cars. He would probably find the information unsettling and question your sanity. Besides, now it’s not the time. He is still waiting for you to answer his question.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Khm? Detective?” The lieutenant clears his throat and repeats, slightly louder this time. His voice, however, is still lacking the expected tone of frustration by someone being actively ignored. He is incredibly patient with you.

YOU - Okay, you know where you are now, everything is cool. You can continue the conversation; “The building is almost completely abandoned …” you mutter quietly.

KIM KITSURAGI - The Lieutenants' eyes follow yours and land on the tall building. “It does appear so. This is a rough neighborhood, most apartment complexes are in poor condition.” he says while his gaze slowly drifts back to his notes. He finds it important to amuse your odd topics, however, the investigation is always his main priority.

“Was there anything else you wanted to talk about before we focus on forming a plan of approach?” The Lieutenant asks. His stoic face turns to you, waiting patiently to hear if you have anything else on your endlessly restless mind.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [medium:success] - The Lieutenant’s tone is soft, he is serious about wanting to hear if you have any other thoughts to share, even if they would normally be considered unnecessary to the current investigation.

EMPATHY - Since meeting you and getting a taste of your unconventional work methods, he doesn’t take anything you say for granted. No matter how unserious, irrelevant, or stupid.

YOU - You look back at your partner and smile. Kim has your back in everything. During fights, during interrogations, and during casual chatter. “We are ready to roll and kick ass!” you declare and aim a pair of dangerously disco finger guns at him

KIM KITSURAGI - “Alright, good. Though, I would appreciate it if we kept the ass kicking to a minimum, Detective.”

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [challenging:success] - To a regular person there is absolutely no change in The Lieutenants expression, but you are not just a regular person. You are Kim Kitsuragis' partner and able to spot the faintest twitch of the right side of his mouth, indicating a smile.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - He really wants to ask if you have a permit for those guns.

AUTHORITY - He is laughing at you! Mocking you! Put him in his place!

VOLITION - No, no. He is simply enjoying seeing you being you. There is not a single hint of mocking in his expression. Don’t make him feel bad for being comfortable around you.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Well then. Mind if I recap our case so far, Detective?” The lieutenant asks.

VOLITION - He is doing this for you, you know? Kim is always on top of his case so he has no need for a recap, but he wants to go through them again just to make sure you are also on board.

LOGIC - He doesn’t think you already forgot the facts, but he also knows your mind is always wandering and getting lost in other topics.

EMPATHY - He also wants to make sure you don’t feel embarrassed in case you have forgotten the facts. He phrased his question in a very natural way.

YOU - You feel warm inside, it feels good to be cared for. With a smile, you nod at the lieutenant.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Illimar Kalda is a suspect in multiple cases of breaking and entering local convenience stores. Eyewitnesses place him robbing three different stores within the last two weeks, all in a five to ten kilometer radius. Despite being only 25 years old, he has a lengthy criminal record and two stays at a juvenile center. Based on interviews with family and friends, it is reasonable to assume that Kalda has started using illegal narcotics and is funding his addiction with these robberies. He left his mothers house six months ago and has not been in contact with his family since. His mother -”

REACTION SPEED [legendary:failure] - Quickly! Show him you are on top of the case!

YOU - “ - who loves baking.” you chime in with a smile and a proud finger pointed towards the sky. It hadn’t been hard to deduce from the many butter packages yelling to you from inside her fridge, the faint smell of chocolate cookies she had baked the day before, and the many ingredient wrappers in the kitchen trash can.

KIM KITSUGARI - The lieutenant lets out a subdued sigh and nods. “Yes. You did take note that she seemed to be an avid baker.” he says and continues; “His mother gave us three possible addresses where he could currently be residing. The first two were futile and this is the final address we need to check out. This is also the address closest to the burglarized stores. He is also currently on parole for a previous case of breaking and entering.” The lieutenant concludes and closes his notebook with a satisfying snap.

YOU - Okay, it's your turn to talk. This is how conversations work, Harry. Don’t dissociate again. “Right. So we have a good chance of finding him here. We should hold hands when we enter, just to be safe.” you suggest with a wink.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant raises an eyebrow slightly in both judgment and amusement. Years of police work have trained the man to withstand anything the job throws at him, so it’s rare to get anything other than a controlled eyebrow movement as a reaction. Even when faced with an amnesiac tall fat man winking at him asking to hold hands, the lieutenant won’t crumble. “I do not think that is necessary, Detective.” he says and adjusts his bomber jacket’s collar.

VISUAL CALCULUS [trivial:success] - He is cold. The lieutenant has never been good with low temperatures.

ENDURANCE - Better hurry inside before Kim catches a cold.

APARTMENT FRONT DOOR - You open the creaky front door of the apartment complex and step in first. The metal handle is cold and sends shivers through your arm. It’s rather new, most likely the only maintenance the apartment complex has ever seen.

SHIVERS - Late at night, a distressed woman is hurrying home. Her high heels echo against the streets, the sound bouncing off of the many buildings around her. Protectively, her arms are crossed around her tense chest. Her breathing is coming out in quick puffs; she is terrified.
An older man is walking behind her, grinning to himself. He is doing his best to keep up with the much younger woman, his eyes glossed over in satisfaction; He is hunting.
A sigh of relief escapes the woman’s blood red lips as she sees her apartment complex door approaching. She will be okay. Just then, she hears the man’s steps picking up the pace. Quickly, the woman sprints over the few steps leading to the door and hurries inside, pulling the door locked behind her. The door slams shut just as the man’s greasy hand grabs a hold of the door handle with great rage. He lost his prey and he is furious.
Angrily pulling and banging at the door, the man is howling like an out of control predator at the woman.

YOU - “He broke the handle trying to get in …” you mutter.

KIM KITSURAGI - “What was that, Detective?” The lieutenant asks. He didn’t hear you.

LOGIC - And you probably shouldn’t repeat what you said. Despite fully trusting you, the lieutenant still doesn’t comprehend your abilities.

RHETORIC [medium:failure] - Nobody does. You are extremely weird and probably insane. He would leave you immediately if you told him what was truly going on inside your head.

YOU - While you were busy arguing with yourself in your head, your mouth moved on its own once again; “Oh - I was just saying that the door handle was replaced because an old creep tried to chase a woman in here.”

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant’s face doesn’t move. His glances back at the front door, looking at the new handle for a while.
He can tell it has been replaced too, it’s obvious to anyone looking at it. The new shiny metal lacks the similar rust that’s coating every other surface in the building, slowly eating it away.

INLAND EMPIRE - The city cries in pain. Rust, rot, crime, and decay are slowly eating her alive.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant's controlled gaze returns to you, but this time you can sense a hint of curiosity in it.
“Yes, I do recall reading about it in the newspapers. The woman was luckily unharmed and the man was apprehended …” he explains, then his eyebrow rises ever so slightly. “How did you know about this, Detective? I believe this incident happened over a year ago.” the lieutenant inquires, curious but careful around the topic of your memory loss.

EMPATHY - He isn’t asking because he doubts your amnesia, he is asking because he is honestly curious.

RHETORIC - Well now you have done it. How are you going to explain this without sounding insane?

LOGIC [impossible:failure] - Say you read it in the newspaper!

VOLITION - The lieutenant just said this incident happened during a time you can’t remember anymore. That wouldn’t work unless you were known for reading years old newspapers for fun. Which, to be clear, you are not known for.

ESPRIT DE CORPS -The topic of your unique way of working has not come up in conversation since Martinaise.
Back then, the Lieutenant assumed your eccentric behavior and outrageous thought process were the result of years long drug and alcohol abuse. Something he knows to be an unfortunate way of coping for many RCM officers.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [trivial:success] - Some common symptoms for long-term meth usage are impaired cognition, paranoia, delusions, and psychosis.

INLAND EMPIRE - The city breathes through you. Your pulse is her pulse, her pain is your pain. Nothing happens in the crumbling concrete jungle without your knowledge.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Normally, the human brain does not possess such capabilities. Yet, yours does.

VOLITION - And it’s not due to drugs or alcohol, because you have stayed clean. Congratulations, by the way. You have come a long way.

ENDURANCE - It hasn't been easy. It still isn’t. Addiction is deep in your very soul and body, a part of you that you will never be able to rid completely. You can feel it slithering through your flesh and blood, tempting you every chance it gets.

COMPOSURE - Stress is the worst. It opens the door into your mind and lets the temptations walk right in, as if welcoming them back home with open arms. But you have somehow managed this far. You found ways to cope.

LOGIC - Ways such as smoking and eating more.

ENCYCLO­PEDIA - It’s not uncommon for an addict to replace one addiction with another. In your case, you found comfort in smoking and overeating. Neither is inherently healthy, but nobody can argue that they aren’t better than your previous addictions.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You have filled out more in the past six months. The alcohol and drug bloated sore stomach is now replaced with a thick soft one. Your legs have also filled out slightly, though not only with fat. You began running again, mostly to cope with the cravings. Under the layer of soft fat lays a newly awakened foundation of strong muscles that could carry you anywhere.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - It also has the benefit of balancing out your top-heavy body. You look more normal now.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - The same effect can be observed in your biceps, as well. They haven’t softened out quite as much as the rest of you, and the muscles are now more defined. Oh, and your face is softer. Makes you look good and slightly closer to your age again. You might not be a completely lost cause in the looks department after all.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - We are back baby! Feeling and looking better, what’s gonna stop us now? Hey hey - the nearest strip club is just a few hundred meters north, fuck this gig and let’s go bam-bam in the ham!

DRAMA - And leave your partner alone? Are you insane? You are bonded by blue blood! You walk as one! He is your brother and expects you to be there for him.

COMPOSURE [trivial:success] - No part of you wants to leave Kim’s side. You want to be in his presence, it’s your happy place. Having that orange bomber jacket within your field of view comforts the very depths of your soul.

YOU - Lost in your mind once more, Kim’s voice slowly breaks through your busy thoughts. He is still waiting for an answer. You have no idea how long you zoned out for, but it couldn’t have been for too long. Kim wouldn’t allow for unnecessary slacking off during work hours.

EMPATHY [easy:success] - He knew you were thinking and wanted to give you time to gather your thoughts. He doesn’t see it as a waste of time, despite today being one of your more space-y days.

YOU - You do your best to shrug off the question as casually as possible, but your words get stuck together like melter gummy candies inside your jacket pocket during the hot Jamrock summer heat. “Uh – just – you know – probably read it somewhere or - uh - Jean maybe told me? Or maybe I dreamt about it?” You grin sheepishly, knowing all too well that the Lieutenant won’t buy it.

KIM KITSURAGI - “I see.” is all he says before moving on from the topic. We will return to this topic later when we are not working a case, his demeanor says. “The apartment we are looking for is 60 B. We should approach with caution.” the lieutenant reminds you.

REACTION SPEED - Caution. Yes. That means no sudden movements, no loud noises, and no acting like an idiot. All things you are well known for.

VOLITION - The lieutenant doesn’t mean to insult you, he just wants to make sure you don’t put yourself or him at risk.

YOU - “Right. Knock, ask questions, take notes, leave.” You say and give him a thumbs up and a crooked smile. The lieutenant simply nods back at you and gestures towards the stairs. He wants you to take the lead.

AUTHORITY - It’s a big show of trust. Even back during THE HANGED MAN case while you were still a drug-fueled amnesiac timebomb, the lieutenant let you lead. The trust he puts in you is immense, and you are still unsure where it stems from. But you sure as hell know that you don't deserve it.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - The old wooden stairs creak loudly as you start walking upstairs. They announce your presence to anyone still living in the dying building.

SHIVERS - A woman sitting in her apartment flinches at the sound. She clutches her child tighter and holds her breath; listening. She is afraid your steps will stop in front of her door. With growing panic she waits until you pass, before letting go of the painful breath she was holding. You weren’t his ex-husband after all. He hasn’t found her yet.

LOGIC [trivial:success] - If anything goes wrong, she won’t be helpful. She won’t open the door for anyone.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - In alert silence, the two of you ascend the stairs.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - The 6th floor opens up to your left as you step over the final steps. A row of identical worn wooden doors stands silently against the wall. Rotting and fading dark green wallpaper is weeping on the walls, contrasting the doors in a way that must have looked beautiful when it was still new. Most of the apartment numbers have worn off, you can’t see a 60B anywhere.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - Your fingers dance against the dirty handrail, letting your fingers brush away some of the thick dust and exposing part of the railing wood to sunlight for the first time in months.

INLAND EMPIRE - The floor is dead quiet and the air stands still. Something feels off, things are unnaturally quiet. It is almost as if every living soul under this roof knows you are here and is playing dead.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant reaches for his notebook. He flips over two pages to find a description of the correct apartment. The faint pages turn loudly in the silence.

VISUAL CALCULUS [heroic:success] - Second to last apartment on the 6th floor. Blue doormat. Door is locked.

YOU - Before the lieutenant has time to close his notebook, you crane your neck towards the end of the hallway where the apartment waits. “There. That's the one.”

KIM KITSURAGI - A hint of visible confusion bleeds through the lieutenant’s mask; how did you know that? As far as he is aware, you were busy bickering with Jean on the other side of the office while he was taking notes about the location. But he doesn’t ask about it. The silence has made both of you uneasy. It's both a cover and a curse on you. Your suspect could be listening to you just as you are to him.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - You take slow steps towards the door while observing your surroundings quietly.

VOLITION - Really focus, Harry. There is more to see.

SHIVERS - A young man sits inside an apartment with his friend. They are breathing quietly while keeping their eyes locked on the door. One of them wipes drug and stress induced sweat off his forehead. The second man, significantly younger, is sitting in the corner of the room on an old mattress. He is chewing on his lower lip in distress.
These are who you are looking for.

LOGIC [impossible:failure] - Is the stolen merchandise in the room? Do they have weapons? You can’t tell.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You crouch down slightly and quickly face the palm of your hand behind you towards the lieutenant.

AUTHORITY - Stop.

KIM KITSURAGI - He does so, but you can sense he doesn’t understand why you told him to do so.

YOU - You lean in close and whisper; “I think our suspect is home and he has a friend. The questioning might get intense.”

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant keeps his mask up but you can tell he isn’t sure about this. He nods in agreement.

LOGIC - He is wracking his brain trying to figure out where you got this information from.

EMPATHY - But he trusts you and will do as you say.

OLD DOOR - The old door greets you with an ominous silence as you stand before it.

KIM KITSURAGI - Behind you, the lieutenant is standing firm with his arms crossed behind his back. His posture is calculated to appear calm, but his right hand is prepared to reach for his gun if needed.

INLAND EMPIRE - You can almost smell the fear oozing from the two men inside. They are terrified. Reality is hitting them now, they aren’t children anymore, so they won’t be getting off easy. A lengthy prison sentence awaits both of them for the drugs alone they have in their possession.

SHIVERS - Two young men run away as fast as their burning legs allow them to. They are panting loudly, gasping for air as their methamphetamine fueled bodies carry them through the night. Neither of them are thinking about the consequences right now. The high and adrenaline combination is bursting their brains with pure serotonin. Nothing can get them down, tonight they are the Kings of Revachol!

OLD DOOR - Knock knock.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - Silence.

OLD DOOR - After a while, a wavering voice masked with fake confidence shouts out a question; “Who is it?”

YOU - “This is Detective Du Bois and Lieutenant Kitsuragi with the RCM. We would like to ask you some questions.” you answer, keeping your voice as serious as you can.

AUTHORITY - Pathetic, demand to ask questions! None of this pleading pussy shit!

OLD DOOR - You hear apprehensive steps approach the door before it opens slightly with a creak.

SUSPECT - A disheveled looking young man with piercing blue eyes peeks at you through the gap. He is still young but you can immediately tell he is a drug user. Just a few months of using have added features on his face you recognize all too well; the sunken look, almost purple shade under his eyes, and the scratched bloody patches on his cheeks.

EMPATHY - The visual makes your skin crawl and your stomach turn. How many people looked at you with the same pity, horror, and shame as you started showing these signs?

ESPRIT DE CORPS - This is not a moment for self-reflection, you need to be alert.

YOU - Right.

VISUAL CALCULUS [challenging:failure] - It’s hard to tell through the ajar door if this is the man you are looking for, but you are fairly certain he is.

YOU - “Illimar Kalda, I assume?” You ask. You see recognition in the man’s eyes. It’s him.

ILLIMAR KALDA - “I don’t know who that is. Leave me alone.” the man spits but keeps the door open to glare at you. Behind him, the second man yells at him to close the door. “You have the wrong place. Leave.” the suspect insists, paying no mind to his erratic friend.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Illimar Kalda, age 25, current residence unknown as you seem to be couch-hopping, but your mother provided us with three possible locations, this being one of them. You have two stays in Juvenile prison and are currently on parole for breaking and entering.” The lieutenant chimes in, reading from his notebook matter-of-factly.

AUTHORITY - He is aiming to unnerve the man with all the information you have on him. He wants to beat him down mentally and kill any desire to fight back. A calm killing blow.

ILLIMAR KALDA - For a second the lieutenant's tactic seems to work. The man is visibly rattled and bites his lower lip. “My m-mom told you?” he repeats in distress, his voice breaking.

EMPATHY [formidable:success] - Shame. He is extremely ashamed. He thought he had kept his drug usage secret from his mother. The revelation that she knows is crushing.

YOU - “Yes. We would like to ask you some questions regarding an open investigation.” you continue with a stern voice, your best attempt at mimicking the lieutenant’s authoritarian tone.

AUTHORITY - It’s an okay attempt.

ILLIMAR KALDA - The man looks troubled, his eyes darting between you and the other man in the room.

EMPATHY - He is torn. The addiction is pulling him in. But the love he has towards his mother isn’t completely dulled from drug usage yet, and it's telling him to give in.

REACTION SPEED [godly:failure] - Look out.

YOU - What?

REACTION SPEED [godly:success] - Look out, he is going to stab you.

YOU - What?!

ILLIMAR KALDA - Suddenly, with the unexpected speed only possessed by a meth user, the man swings the door open violently and raises a knife. His eyes glaze over with a mixture of fear and aggression, like a cornered wild animal. He knows he can’t win, but he will try.

YOU - “LOOK OUT!” you yell and leap back, accidentally (and unceremoniously) backing against the lieutenant, making him stumble backwards.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant keeps his balance, but the moment has caught him by surprise. He isn’t in a position to help you just yet.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - Light reflects off the knife blade as it’s swung downwards towards you.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Take out your service weapon and put an end to the escalating situation!

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Move out of the way!

SAVOIR FAIRE [legendary:success] - No, kick him disco style!

YOU - Going against the lieutenant’s previous orders you decide to act like an idiot. You raise your leg to knee the man to his stomach. Your strong knee sinks against the skinny man’s torso, pushing deep into his stomach and coming to a stop against his ribs.

PAIN THRESHOLD [easy:success] - That hurts. You can hear every gasp of breath being forced out of his lungs.

ILLIMAR KALDA - The man lets go of the knife and crumbles on the floor with a loud thud. He curls up to a fetal position cradling his chest while desperately gasping for breath. His attempts to inhale oxygen are futile; a deep wet rasping sound is all his lungs and throat can produce.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Do not move or attempt to reach for the weapon!” The lieutenant barks an order with the confidence of an experienced professional who has done this many times before. He is back to his usual confident stance with his gun pointed at the knife wielding man on the floor.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The imminent threat has been subdued. For now, the gun is only for asserting authority and keeping control.

YOU - You are leaning against the doorframe steadying yourself. Maybe the kick wasn’t the best course of action. You are old and your leg never healed fully after being shot during THE HANGED MAN case.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - On the outside the only reminder of the incident is a faded scar, but on the inside your mangled muscles and nerves remind you about the damage done on a daily basis. It hasn’t kept you from Jamrock shuffling, but there are days where it’s harder to get around.

AUTHORITY - Gottlieb suggested that you buy a cane and you actually did so. What’s worse than a sorry cop? A grandpa cop. A fragile cripple old wet fart of a cop not worth respecting.

VOLITION - But it makes those harder days a bit easier. And it has been a while since you have last needed it. A mobility aid is nothing to be ashamed of, you are worthy of a tolerable existence.

SAVOIR FAIRE - Also your cane looks disco as fuck; that shiny green handle fits with your snakeskin shoes like a cigarette fits between Kim’s lips!

SUGGESTION [formidable:failure] - A highly specific comparison, should we perhaps dig deeper into that? … No? … Fine.

VISUAL CALCULUS - Do not straighten your posture unless you want the Lieutenant shooting through your head.

LOGIC - The lieutenant's eyesight is extremely bad, but he wouldn't hit you. He can see you clearly. It's more likely he would miss the exact spot on the suspect he aimed for, if the situation was to come to that.

SECOND SUSPECT - The second man witnessed the scene in utter silence. He curls up more into himself before realization seems to finally hit him. “WHAT THE FUCK?!” he screeches.

LOGIC - He is currently under the effects of methamphetamine and struggling to separate what is real or not.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn’t react to the manic screaming. No loud sound can make him flinch and break his composure. His eyes are laser focused on the main suspect.

SECOND SUSPECT - “YOU KILLED HIM! HE’S FUCKING DEAD!” the second man yells in hysterics.

YOU - “He is not.” you groan and roll your eyes despite the seriousness of the situation. “Now, just calm down, get over here with your hands up, and we can be done with this shitshow.” you usher and gesture towards the hallway.

AUTHORITY - You don’t quite have the skill with words like the lieutenant does. Your orders sound more like pleas of a tired father rather than a seasoned professional.

SECOND SUSPECT - Slowly and with shaky legs, the second man slides himself up with his back against the wall. He seems rattled to his core.

PAIN THRESHOLD - Suddenly, a deep pressure followed by shearing pain penetrates your leg.

ILLIMAR KALDA - Kalda, still laying on the floor, has regained enough composure to stab you deep on your calf while you were both distracted.

PAIN THRESHOLD - The sharp blade sinks deep into your soft muscle, piercing everything on its path. The tip of the knife nestles itself against your fibula, setting your entire calf up in hellish pain. The wound burns deep as your nerves scream in agony. It’s like hellfire itself is making a home for itself inside your leg.

HALF LIGHT - You let out an animalistic growl at the pain. The spike of adrenaline gives you just enough energy to deliver a knock-out kick with your disco shoe on the suspect's head.
A hollow thud rings in your ears through pumping adrenaline and the man falls unconscious on the floor, now bleeding heavily from his freshly broken nose and open lip.

KIM KITSURAGI - No reaction from the lieutenant. He doesn’t normally engage in physical altercations during his missions, but this time he actually thinks your reaction was appropriate.

YOU - You crouch down to squeeze above your gushing wound. The flared leg of your yellow disco pants is quickly soaking in blood and turning red. You can only hope that comes out in the wash, these pants are your favorite.

REACTION SPEED [impossible:failure] - Danger!

YOU - …Yes, I am aware. Bleeding is dangerous.

REACTION SPEED [godly:failure] - Danger! Watch out!

YOU - Something else? I need more context, this isn’t helping.

VISUAL CALCULUS [godly:success] - The second suspect's hands are folded uncomfortably behind his back in an unusual way. His back isn’t flushed against the wall either. He is definitely hiding something there.

YOU - A knife?

LOGIC - No. A knife would not take that much room. It would also be an extremely impractical place to hide a knife. It’s something larger that requires both of his hands.

YOU - He is hiding a gun.

SHIVERS - Clasped tightly in a sweaty grip, a stolen loaded handgun with its serial number filed off is waiting for its turn to act. The metal is cold and worn, with many battle scars decorating the barrel. Each scrape tells a tragic story from the streets filled with desperation, crime, and fear.

INLAND EMPIRE - The gun has not been fired in a while, not since it was used in a botched robbery five months ago. A robbery that left one person seriously wounded. The gun was hot, a cheap buy exchanged for stolen merchandise.

HALF LIGHT - The suspect is going to raise his gun and shoot at your chest. The bullet will dance around your ribs and explode through your spine, painting the walls and the lieutenant’s jacket with blood red fireworks.

YOU - Why … am I not afraid, then? He is going to shoot me but I don’t feel afraid. Why?

ESPRIT DE CORPS - You know why, Harry.

YOU - I really don’t. I should be afraid, right?

LOGIC - No, no you shouldn’t.

YOU - But why?

LOGIC - Because he is not going to shoot you.

YOU -The realization hits you worse than any bullet could. The man is not going to shoot you, he is going to shoot Kim.

VISUAL CALCULUS [formidable:success] - Shaking from fear and meth, the second suspect will pull out the gun and fire without thinking. He trusts that he can outrun you, especially with your fresh injury, so he will haphazardly aim at the lieutenant.
The bullet will hit. Despite his shaky hands and lack of experience, the suspect is able to hit the lieutenant.

YOU - But Kim is more experienced, he is able to shoot first! That kid is going down.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The lieutenant is very experienced and excellent at his job. Despite his bad eyesight, his marksmanship abilities are on par with the rest of his precinct. But he does not possess your abilities and is not aware of the upcoming threat.

EMPATHY - in addition, part of his focus is on you. He is concerned over your bleeding.

LOGIC - the current position you two are in is also not optimal. You are covering a large part of the doorway, despite being crouched down. This blocks the lieutenant's view of the suspect's lower body. He cannot observe the man’s legs and read his body language fully.

HALF LIGHT - it will hit. It will hit Kim on the right side of his chest. He will die because your useless fat body is blocking his view.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT- Leap over and stop him!

ESPRIT DE CORPS - You can’t, there is no time. You aren’t faster than a bullet.

REACTION SPEED - Yell a warning!

ESPRIT DE CORPS - It’s too late, suddenly shouting would most likely only startle the lieutenant and make the situation worse.

VOLITION - Just do anything. Anything … please.

REACTION SPEED [challenging:success] - Time slows around you as you turn your head to look at Kim. You are still crouched down and he is still standing steady, guarding over you. You aren’t too far away, maybe you could just –

SAVOIR FAIRE [impossible:success] - In a moment’s decision, you reach your arm out and grab the lieutenant’s ankle. Your big hand locks around the tight leather and squeezes hard.

And you pull.

KIM KITSURAGI - Unprepared, the lieutenant loses his balance and is yanked down. His brain doesn't have time to register what or who is pulling him down. His gloves crease under pressure as his already strong hold around his gun tightens. No matter what happens, the gun is not leaving his hands.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - As an officer of the RCM, it is your responsibility to make sure your weapon is always secure, on you, and used appropriately according to protocol.

SECOND SUSPECT - In the same breath, the second suspect pulls out the loaded gun and fires it towards the lieutenant. There is no aiming or hesitation, the moment the barrel is pointed somewhat towards the lieutenant’s torso, he presses the trigger.

KIM KITSURAGI - You watch in slow motion as the lieutenant falls down. His hands stay on his gun and won’t let go even when his instincts are screaming at him to brace for impact with his arms. Instead, his body twists to the right in a desperate attempt to not fall straight on his back and head, causing his temple to smack against the wooden stairway railing.
A disgusting thud and a crack echo in your ears as the lieutenant falls on the floor.

BANG!

BULLET MEANT FOR KIM - The bullet flies past you at a dizzying speed, shattering your focus as it glides through the air. With a loud crack, the bullet penetrates the wooden wall and sinks deep.

YOU - That was way too close.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Get off your ass, you have a scene to secure and suspects to arrest!

HALF LIGHT - KILL HIM! DESTROY HIM! HE TRIED TO SHOOT KIM!

VOLITION - No, escalating the situation is quite literally the worst choice you could make. Keep your cool, Harry. The lieutenant is hurt but not shot, you can attend to him after making sure all the risks have been eliminated. And I must emphasize, eliminated with proper RCM protocol, nothing else.

HALF LIGHT - Spoilsport.

SECOND SUSPECT - The man is shaking violently, the gun drooping in his loose grip. His eyes are wide in shock and starting to moisten from tears.

EMPATHY - He cannot believe he just did that. He has never fired a gun at anyone, let alone a police officer. He is currently in utter shock of his own lack of humanity.

AUTHORITY [heroic:success] - Your sorry-ass finally awakens to the reality that you are indeed an RCM officer with power, and most importantly, a gun. The adrenaline is muting the pain from your wound, so you stand up with only a mild grunt of pain. Finally, framed by the correct amount of authority, you point your weapon towards the man and shout an order; “PUT THE GUN DOWN NOW!”

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Your voice is deep and raspy, as if each letter is tearing the very inner walls of your lungs. There is no room to question your presence anymore, every civilian is under your command, you are Lieutenant double-yefreitor Harrier Du Bois. No more sorry-cop.

ENDURANCE - Your breath is coming out in deep puffs. Your whole body is sloshing with rage and adrenaline, and you can’t hear anything else but your blood flowing in your ears.

SECOND SUSPECT - The man flinches, immediately drops the gun, and falls to his knees. Fat burning tears streak his cheeks as he sobs.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - With your heart still beating against your chest you move on autopilot. First, secure the scene; You force the suspect on his stomach and handcuff his hands behind his back. He puts up no fight, but you still lay your weight on top of him while doing so. You snatch his gun away from him, growling as you wrap your hand around the barrel.

HALF LIGHT - This puny thing almost just killed the lieutenant; your lieutenant. You wish your grip was strong enough to simply squeeze the gun like an empty soda can.

RHETORIC [formidable:failure] - Your lieutenant? That is not correct, you do not own him.

ILLIMAR KALDA - The main suspect is still out cold. He doesn’t react when you yank him up by his bicep. Blood keeps trickling from his swelling nose, but the sorry sight elicits no sympathy from you. Instead, you feel a sense of justice. You let the man lay back down on his side in the recovery position.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [trivial:success] - If an unconscious person is left lying on their back they could suffocate on their vomit or their tongue could block their airway. Putting them in the recovery position will help to keep the airways open.

LOGIC [medium:success] - Despite being out cold, you should still cuff this man. He is a meth fueled loose cannon who already woke up once and punctured a hole into your calf. You do not have a second pair of handcuffs, but the lieutenant does. He will understand you borrowing them.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Not only would he understand, the lieutenant would prefer you take his cuffs and act according to the protocol. Securing the scene is of utmost importance.

ENDURANCE - The adrenaline is starting to wear off but you still have some time before the worst pain kicks in. Loud grunts emphasize your every move as you shuffle your way to the lieutenant. Your wound is leaving behind a trail of blood, slowly staining the old wooden floors.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is laying on the floor, his body twisted in an unnatural way; his hands are still grasping his gun, determined to not let it go. His upper body is turned to the left with his head buried between his extended arms, while his lower body is still facing towards the scene. One of his legs is bent while the other, the one you used to pull him down, is extended straight.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [easy:success] - Scattered droplets of blood decorate the wooden railing and the floor around Kim’s head. Dust and wooden splinters have fallen on him from above him where the bullet impacted the wall. But the most damage sustained has been by the lieutenant’s glasses.

KIM’S GLASSES - The black metal frames usually framing Kim’s sharp features are now mangled on the floor. One of the legs is bent almost in a 90 degree angle, making you grimace. The almost comically thick lenses did not survive the impact either; One of them has popped clean off from the frames and could perhaps be re-attached with some fiddling, but the other is laying beyond redemption in multiple pieces on the floor.

YOU - “Kim?” You croak as you loom over him with worry.

AUTHORITY [challenging:failure] - What the fuck happened to the officer you were just a second ago? Get a grip, Du Bois.

KIM KITSURAGI - A muffled groan. The lieutenant is awake but not well.

YOU - “Listen, stay still, okay? I’m just gonna - I’m just gonna borrow your cuffs for a bit.” You ramble nervously; the sorry state of the lieutenant now makes you seriously question your actions.

HALF LIGHT - He is completely fucked up, of course you didn’t do the right thing! Look at him! Put him out of his misery and just shoot him.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - [easy:success] Carefully, you sneak your hand under the edge of the lieutenant’s bomber jacket and fish out his handcuffs attached around the high waist of his pants.

SUGGESTION - You suddenly feel the urgent need to swallow a lump in your throat.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [easy:failure] - Why? There is nothing in your throat. You are fine. Focus on the task at hand.

YOU - Your grip on the handcuffs is getting less confident the longer you allow your gaze to linger on Kim. The previous authoritarian mask is slowly slipping away, so you decide to act before it’s too late.

AUTHORITY [formidable:failure] - That mask has not only slipped but it has been properly destroyed. Welcome back, sorry-cop.

EMPATHY - Tears are slowly gathering on the corner of your eyes again.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The trail of blood doubles as you make your way back to the unconscious suspect still laying how you left him. The cuffs snap around his wrists with a satisfying click, marking the job done.

SECOND SUSPECT - The shooter is almost as catatonic as your main suspect. He has laid down on his side and is still sobbing quietly. Every now and then he whimpers out unintelligible words, silent pleas not meant for your ears. Perhaps he is praying, you guess, as his fingers are interlaced tightly together behind his back.

VOLITION - Whatever it is, you should leave him alone. The danger has been taken care of and you can now focus on what really matters.

YOU - Kim!

EMPATHY - Finally, you shed the last remains of anger and authority as your mind focuses solely on what matters; Kim.

KIM KITSURAGI - While you were cuffing the suspects, the lieutenant tried to get up and is now leaning against his elbow and supporting the side of his head with his other hand. There is a pained frown on his face.

LOGIC [easy:success] - Well, it makes sense, he has sustained a nasty concussion.

YOU - Shit, a concussion? Those can be dangerous, right?

ENCYCLOPEDIA [trivial:success] - Concussions should not be taken lightly. Brain injury experts emphasize that although some concussions are less serious than others, there is no such thing as a minor concussion. In most cases, a single concussion should not cause permanent damage and most people will recover quickly and completely following a concussion.

HALF LIGHT - You really fucked up here, didn’t you? Great fucking job. How about you bash your head against the railing until you die.

YOU - “I didn’t know what else to do!”

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant groans at your yelling and glances at you below his frowned brows. “... Detective?”

YOU - You feel a wave of relief washes over you when hearing the lieutenant’s words. He is okay enough to talk.

PAIN THRESHOLD - The wound in your calf is oozing searing pain all over your body. Any weight put on it causes your nerves to scream and cry in pain, begging you to stop. You can feel the cut flesh stretching and bending disgustingly as you move.

ENDURANCE [challenging:success] - You push through and limp to the lieutenant’s side.

KIM KITSURAGI - “... What happened?” is all the lieutenant asks through gritted teeth. He doesn’t look at you and instead seems to stare straight forward with an empty gaze.

HALF LIGHT - You gave him amnesia, you idiot! Look at him, he can’t remember a fucking thing!

YOU - You don’t wait for the lieutenant to ask for help and instead grab him under his arms with your big hands, and hoist him up with one solid move.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn’t resist the help. He does not appear to be in a shape to do so, even if he wanted to. Once up, he leans against the very railing he hit his head on and holds onto it for support.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - He seems disheveled to his very core. Some of his hair has escaped its usual slicked back style and strands are now resting on his forehead. His bomber jacket, which you have never seen with as much as a stain on it, now supports a steady coverage of dust, blood speckles, and wooden splinters.
But what catches your eye the most is just how empty his face looks without his glasses.

VOLITION - He has yet to realize that those very glasses – his lifeline – are broken. Maybe you shouldn’t bring attention to that just yet.

YOU - “Uh – the guy – the gun guy was going to shoot you so I had to pull some moves.” You try to explain as a sheepish grin sneaks on your face. You are suddenly feeling very embarrassed by your actions. What sort of detective just yanks their partner into a stairway railing, concussing them?

LOGIC [easy:success] - One that was saving their life.

YOU - “The bullet – it lodged behind you inside the wall.” You point at the wall where the still hot bullet now resides.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn’t turn his head to follow your finger, instead he keeps staring into nothingness with his eyes squinted in pain.
“...We should call for someone to transfer the suspects … I cannot drive like this and you …” He says and sighs, as he leans more of his weight against the railing. It goes unspoken that you will not be driving the Kineema.

RHETORIC - You cannot drive any company vehicle yet, for that matter. It will take a while before anyone trusts you with another motor vehicle.

YOU - “Huh? Oh yeah – yeah – you stay here and I’ll take care of that? Disco? … Disco.” You assure with false confidence. All Kim needs is a few minutes to get his bearings and the two of you will be back to business!
You give him an affectionate pat on his shoulder, which sends him swaying on his unsteady feet.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Please don't - “ he sighs and squeezes his eyes shut in discomfort. “I will be fine, I just need … a moment to compose myself. Please, detective, the suspects.”

CONCEPTUALIZATION - The deep frown on his face, his unsteady feet, the unmistakable shakiness in his voice; this is a mess that will require much more than just a few seconds to repair.

HALF LIGHT - Nice job, sorry-cop.

YOU - You swallow down your guilt and nod.

Chapter Text

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Fortunately, neither of the suspects have any fight in them left. Kalda wakes up enough after a few cheek slaps to stagger on his feet. Both young men seem startled by their own action and listen to your commands in total shocked silence. You order them downstairs, limping behind them with your gun out just in case.  
You wouldn’t be able to chase them in your current state if they ran, but they seem to silently recognize that you could still shoot them if needed to. Both men walk slowly outside and climb to the backseat of the Kineema at your orders. You keep a watchful eye at them while calling for backup.

EMPATHY - Unfortunately for you, the backup that arrives is none other than Jean.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - You still cannot recall your past with Jean. His words, voice, and certain expressions stir an oddly warm feeling in your chest, as if you were experiencing something familiar, but your mind stays blank. For this reason – and  your many questionable actions over the years – it is still very hard to interact with him.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “What the fuck now , shitkid?” Jean barks at you before he has even fully exited his vehicle.  “I send you to question a kid and somehow you fuck up that too?!”

EMPATHY - His tone is harsh, his words sharp, and yet - for some reason your body is telling you that this is a good thing. Like this is how it has always been.

YOU - “Things… escalated.” you mutter sheepishly and scratch the back of your lion mane of a hair.

JEAN VICQUEMARE  - “Of course they did, everything always escalates with you. So, what the hell happened? Where’s lieutenant Kitsuragi? Did he finally get bored of your shit and fuck off?” he mutters while lighting up a cigarette.

PAIN THRESHOLD - His words hurt more than the pulsing wound on your leg.

INLAND EMPIRE [formidable:success] - Jean has increased his smoking habits since your return. If anyone asks about it, he insists he has always smoked the same amount. But it is obvious this is his way of coping with stress. 

RHETORIC - Coping with your presence.

EMPATHY - He is still struggling to accept that you are unable to remember him after everything you put him through.

YOU - “Uh – well, for starters there were two suspects.” You begin and nudge your head towards the two men sitting quietly in the back of the Kineema.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean frowns, flashes the men a death-glare, and lets you continue.

YOU - “One of them came at us with a knife. I kneed in into his stomach which made him fall down –“

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Why didn’t you just retreat and take out your gun?!” Jean hisses and takes a deep inhale of smoke.

AUTHORITY - Exactly! You are an officer of the law! You have the right to put people in their place under the barrel of a gun! Why didn't you use that power?

VOLITION - Because you knew the second man would shoot if you did that.

YOU - Did I?

LOGIC - Well, maybe you hadn’t fully realized it yet, but you knew the best course of action was to stay close instead of retreating.

YOU - “I just – uh –“

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Whatever, you acting like an idiot is nothing new. Go on.” He sighs and rubs the deep wrinkles on his forehead.

EMPATHY [easy:success] - This is his way of saying he is glad you didn’t get yourself hurt.

YOU - “The second suspect had a gun hidden behind his back and by the time we – uh – I realized that, it was too late to really do much else…” you explain, your voice slowly dying out the closer you get to that part of your recollection.

HALF LIGHT - You mean the part where you pulled the lieutenant down like a ragdoll, broke his glasses, and gave him a concussion of the year? That part?

YOU - …

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Much else than - what? … What the fuck did you do?!” Jean is now worried, really worried. Your ambiguous actions under duress have never resulted in anything good.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - He thinks you got the lieutenant killed, Harry.

YOU - “NO! HE – KIM ISN’T DEAD! JESUS, JEAN!” You yelp defensively.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean flinches back, his angry scowl giving away to confusion for a split second. “Then where the hell is he?!”

YOU - “He is still in there, just taking a breather! The second guy was going to shoot him so I had to do something, alright? I pulled some moves to get him out of the bullet’s way which - uh - may have … resulted in a concussion and … his glasses breaking.” you explain hastily, your words tangling over each other and becoming a sticky nonsensical mess.

AUTHORITY - Here it comes…

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “FUCKING HARRY – GOD! Kitsuragi has been here 6 months and now you get him concussed AND BLIND during a routine mission! ARE YOU HIGH?!” Jean screams at you with his arms raised up in utter disbelief.

EMPATHY - It’s a rhetorical question, he knows you aren’t high.

LOGIC - You have agreed to multiple drug tests since you returned to ensure that you are staying clean and to gain back trust.

AUTHORITY - He just thinks you are stupid.

HALF LIGHT - Which you are. 

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “I knew giving you a second chance was a mistake, you cannot be trusted with anything! You’d kill a fucking rock if you were ordered to care for it! All you had to do was ask questions, how fucking ha –“

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - “Satellite Officer Vicquemare.” Suddenly, an authoritarian – yet faint – voice stops the yelling.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is standing at the doorway, holding onto it with both of his hands. His expression is pained and tired, and his eyes are squinted tight. He is pushing through the best he can, still fighting to keep his usual controlled demeanor up.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Lieutenant Kitsuragi!” Jean immediately composes himself and rushes to help his colleague.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant waves away his help and staggers down the few concrete steps by himself. He is slow and shaky on his feet, a far cry from the usual assertiveness he oozes. “If you don’t mind, I would appreciate a lower tone during our conversation.” he mutters.

PAIN THRESHOLD [easy:success] - That’s his way of saying to shut up or he is going to throw up from pain.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “O-of course, I apologize.” Jean clears his throat, but not before giving you a death-glare. He fully blames you for this mess and for getting scolded by the lieutenant.

VISUAL CALCULUS - If looks could kill.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [trivial:success] - A simple look from another person cannot kill a human being. You are safe.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Satellite officer Vicquemare … I can assure you that Detective Du Bois’ actions were necessary in securing our safety, and there is … there is no need for disciplinary actions at this moment.” The lieutenant insists. His eyes are still hazy and he isn’t lifting his head to look at anyone.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Oh come on, punish me baby! Spank me!

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Right. Of course … Do you need to visit the precinct lazareth?” Jean asks, skillfully shifting the topic away from his unprofessional behavior. 

AUTHORITY - He is acting like you aren’t even here. You outrank this man and he treats you worse than trash.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Thank you, but no. I am sure all I need is a bit of rest away from bright lights and I will be okay.” The lieutenant insists.

VOLITION - You know this isn’t true, you can feel just how unwell he is.

PAIN THRESHOLD [challenging:success] - The lieutenant's head is pounding and heavy on his shoulders. His temple is sore and sending shooting pain into his jaw and forehead. Nausea is constantly creeping up his throat at the sounds and lights around him, and he is fighting to stay conscious. His usually sharp mind has been reduced to a confused mush that is unable to keep track of what is happening around him or inside his brain.

ENCYCLOPEDIA - What the lieutenant needs right now, is supervised rest in silence and darkness. He needs to stay put until he feels better. He should also avoid eating and drinking right away, as vomiting and passing out is a real risk. While his concussion is not fatal, vomiting when unconscious is.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Are you absolutely certain, lieutenant? I can drive you there while I transport the suspects. We will have someone else make sure the Kineema is taken back to the precinct as well. You could put an order in for new glasses while there as well.” Jean asks again, also observing that the Lieutenant is being unreasonably brave.

KIM KITSURAGI - Despite his haziness and general confusion, a shiver of realization runs through the lieutenant’s entire body at the words.

INLAND EMPIRE - Glasses.

KIM KITSURAGI - His gloved hand flies to his face in a desperate attempt to feel the familiar cool metal framing his face. But there is nothing.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [easy:success] - His finger rests against the empty bridge of his nose in disbelief.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean sighs loudly and tosses his cigarette on the ground, stomping it violently to let out some of his anger. “Yes, Fuckface Mcgee over here told me he broke them while heroically saving your life.” he explains, allowing a sarcastic tone to seep into his words when describing your actions.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Not a part of him believes you actually saved the lieutenant’s life.

VISUAL CALCULUS [godly:failure] - Your gaze shifts from Jean back to Kim. Despite your efforts, you cannot meet the Lieutenant’s eyes. He is staring into nothingness with an unfamiliar expression on his face.

YOU  - What’s wrong?

HALF LIGHT - He is terrified, Harry-boi.

YOU - Of what? Kim is never scared.

SUGGESTION - Not of the same things you may be, such as being alone with your thoughts, smell of apricots, the neighbor’s cat, the sound of a balloon popping, facing your sexuali –

YOU - YES, GOT IT … What is he afraid of, then?

EMPATHY - Appearing weak.

YOU - Weak? But Kim is the strongest person I know?

VOLITION - Listen, Harry. You are comfortable, sometimes too comfortable, with showing your emotions. You have cried in front of the lieutenant approximately 47 times since you two met. How many times has he cried in front of you?

YOU - Uhhh … none.

VOLITION - You have laughed so hard in front of the lieutenant that you threw up … on multiple occasions. How many times have you seen him laugh?

YOU - None. He kind of smiles with his eyes sometimes but –

VOLITION - You aren’t afraid to ask for help with anything. In Martinaise you asked Kim to help you rebuild communism while you were still basically strangers. Now … I think you know what I’m going to ask next?

YOU - How communism could actually be utilized in training house cats to take down facism?

VOLITION - Harry.

YOU - Seriously, there is potential there you guys aren't seeing! … Fine, I will play along; how many times has Kim asked for help?

VOLITION - Not once.

INLAND EMPIRE - You can practically feel the tension in the Lieutenant’s body. His shoulders are tensed up and he is squeezing his jaw shut hard, despite it making his headache worse. This is a man who has spent his entire life building up walls around himself; carefully crafting an unbreakable outer layer of perfection, discipline, and professionalism. No ounce of emotion will leak through unless he wants it to, no amount of pain will have him complaining, no amount of overtime will make him take days off work.
But now, all that carefully crafted control has been broken apart alongside his glasses. 

LOGIC - The lieutenant’s vision is extraordinarily bad. He is not able to function in day-to-day life without his glasses. Even the most minor tasks would require assistance.

AUTHORITY - How embarrassing. A completely useless lieutenant.

VOLITION - You should do something, Harry.

YOU - Me? What can I do? I caused this mess. I’m also occupied with thinking about cats now.

EMPATHY - Do anything, save him from this moment. He is not ready to face the situation right now and he is not willing to ask for help. Force it upon him.

YOU - “I will have him.” You declare.

VOLITION - With a  little less homoerotic undertones, please.

YOU - “I mean – I will take the Lieutenant to my place.”

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean turns to you and is giving you a look. A look that tells you he would love to be yelling at your face right now. Instead, he clears his throat and asks; “And how would that help in any way?”

AUTHORITY - Convince him. The lieutenant is coming with you.

YOU - “Well – I live close by. Closer than the station, even. Ki – the lieutenant is concussed so he should be moving around as little as possible to prevent his condition from worsening. My brain told me that one. Anyway, he can rest at my place until he is in shape to visit Gottlieb for a checkup and – uh – new glasses.”

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean’s frown deepens. Somehow you know this specific frown, it’s the frown where he wants to be mad at you but knows you are right. Which makes him even more mad. He has given this exact look to you many times in the past.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [formidable:success] - It's the frown he gave you each time he reported your ridiculous outfits for being a distraction at work, only to be told you were technically not breaking the dress code by having your badge still visible.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant hasn’t moved or reacted to your proposal in any way. You aren’t sure if it’s due to his concussion or the news about his glasses.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean is still looking at you. He is weighing the options and his trust in you. He has been at your place a couple of times since you returned. Both times he has been visibly shocked that your apartment has been relatively clean. But he still cannot trust you fully and fears he is throwing the lieutenant in the hands of a drug-addict lunatic who lives in a shithole.

EMPATHY [difficult:success] - He wants to trust you more than anything in this world.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [easy:success] - For the fourth time this week, Satellite Officer Vicquemare is banging at your door. You have not shown up for work once again. He can hear the sound of empty beer bottles hitting against each other as you shuffle slowly towards the door. It makes him cringe; you are drunk, again. Jeans empty eyes stare through your sunken ones as you open the door. “Can you drink yourself to death already so I can stop doing this?” He asks, his tone flat and void of any emotions.
Last week, Jean was officially diagnosed with clinical depression. He is a broken man tired of helping the man who broke him.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Only until he is well enough to visit the lazareth himself. And you get your ass back to work immediately after he has gotten over the worst.” Jean finally sighs. “But of course Lieutenant Kitsuragi himself has the final say.” he adds and turns to Kim.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is slowly swaying on his unstable feet. His condition seems to be worsening. “Regrettably, that seems to be the best course of action right now.” he sighs. 

LOGIC - He is bothered by the solution but is not in any shape to fight it. 

KIM KITSURAGI - “Satellite officer Vicquemare … please ensure that Lieutenant double-yefreitor is also given proper medical care … I do not believe he is in a shape to return to work immediately either. ” The lieutenant adds through gritted teeth. 

EMPATHY - Even in his own time of need, he is still worried about you.

RHETORIC - He just needs a reason to accept the kind gesture. And the reason can’t only be him.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “He - what?” Jean asks, dumbfounded. He turns to look at you, first grimacing at your face. 

VISUAL CALCULUS [easy:success] - There is nothing on it, he just finds you incredibly displeasing to look at.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - His eyes travel slowly across your body until he finally lands on your alarmingly blood-soaked calf. “Fuck Shitkid - you’re bleeding!” Jean yelps.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [easy:success] - Jean’s angry look makes way to a mixture of worry and embarrassment. He cannot believe he didn’t notice you were injured before the lieutenant pointed it out. His worried gaze is still framed by a familiar face of angry eyebrows, but his eyes lack the usual fury directed at you.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - He clears his throat and fumbles in his jacket pocket to fish out another cigarette. “Fucking hell … next time don’t just bleed to death while chit-chatting with me, alright? Fucking speak up, it’s not usually a goddamn issue for your endless blabbermouth …  now get moving before the lieutenant passes out.”

EMPATHY [challenging:success] - And before you hurt yourself more.

Chapter Text

YOU - Jean insisted on taking you to the lazareth to have your wound stitched up. But you being your usual hardhead, you refused. Part of it was your worry over the lieutenant; he really needed to lay down and rest as soon as possible. But another significant part of it was your desire to avoid seeing Gottlieb again.

INLAND EMPIRE - The man’s face doesn’t arouse any memories in your head, but his presence makes you uneasy. You can only guess how many times he has had to stitch you up after drunken escapades, or how many times Jean has dragged your limp body into his office for a shot of Naloxone after overdosing. 

ENCYCLOPEDIA [trivial:success] - Naloxone is a medicine that rapidly reverses an overdose by quickly restoring normal breathing to a person if their breathing has slowed or stopped because of an opioid overdose.

YOU - Because the history between you two, each injury is now followed up with a list of questions which tell you too much about the man who you used to be.

NIX GOTTLIEB - “Had any alcohol? Meth? Speed? Cocaine? Inhaled paint? … Ate paint? …  Let’s put it this way; have you put anything other than food and liquids meant for healthy human consumption in your mouth today?”

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Most of the time it doesn’t matter what you say, the man doesn’t want to hear it. He believes in your recovery even less than Jean. 

YOU - So you insisted - 

AUTHORITY - Begged. Like a child.

YOU - that Jean patches you up with the car's emergency kit instead. Shockingly, he did so, but not without a constant stream of insults and curse words thrown in your direction.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Always something with you, isn’t it? Can’t just fucking do the normal thing. Why am I even helping your sorry-ass? Next time you are stitching yourself up, Shitkid. You're fucking lucky its the same leg you got shot at. You'd be even more useless than normal otherwise …”

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant sat silently in the car during the argument and the entire drive to your place. His eyes kept falling closed whenever the road had a smooth patch to drive on, but sooner or later a hole on the asphalt forced him awake with a violent and painful jolt.

YOUR APARTMENT - Your apartment sits silently on the second floor on top of a set of concrete stairs. It’s nothing shabby, exactly what you would expect from someone living off of RCM salary. After you had first returned the place had been a complete disaster, mirroring your pre-amnesia personality painfully accurately. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [easy:success] - The night is creeping in. Street lights are brushing over you through the window, lighting up the many silent figures inside the motor carriage.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean drops you off in front of the stairs and coldly tosses your keys on the ground next to you. His eyes are burning with rage; still hurt from your recent actions and refusing to believe this amnesia business is anything but one of your attempts to escape accountability. He leaves you there, alone and scared. But deep down you know you deserve it.

SHIVERS - The first night you refuse to go in, instead channeling your inner hobo-cop and wandering the oddly familiar streets until the morning sun starts creeping over the city. You return to face your daunting front door again, only to find the lieutenant standing there, knocking on it.

YOU - “Uh … I don’t think he is home.” You chuckle weakly.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant flinches slightly at the sound of your voice coming from behind him and turns around with a confused arched brow. “Detective?”

EMPATHY - You immediately sense the worry in his mind; He thinks you have relapsed. The thought is painful but also oddly comforting; someone actually cares about you. 

YOU - “In the flesh.” You joke and join him standing in front of your door. “I heard that a real piece of shit lives here. The place is probably trashed and full of…awful things …” your voice dies down as the fake smile on your face can’t keep itself up any longer. You squeeze the keys tightly in your hand, unable to bring yourself to open the door and face your past.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Hmm, really?” The lieutenant hums and rubs his chin, as if considering your words deeply. “I was told that the well-known Lieutenant double-yefreitor named Harrier Du Bois lives here.” He says with a hint of amusement in his voice. “I took the initiative to pay him a visit and perhaps … help him settle.”

YOU - That was all you needed. With Kim by your side, facing a part of your past suddenly felt possible. Sure, you cried many times as you went through items left by her, found unfinished suicide notes, and came across old pictures of yourself. You also vomited three times at the state of your fridge.

YOUR APARTMENT - But together you went through all of that and made what used to be a prison of old forgotten memories into a clean home waiting for new ones to be made.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Khm … Detective?”

YOU - Suddenly the vivid memory of that day fades away and makes room to the current moment.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - You are standing at the bottom of your apartment stairs. Snow has fallen slowly on them during the day, and you can see your neighbors footsteps still lingering on the snow powdered concrete. The lieutenant is standing facing you and leaning against the worn metal railing. He looks slightly more awake now, but the distress is still clear on his aged face.
Behind you, tire tracks from Jean’s vehicle are slowly being covered by snowflakes. You notice drops of blood following you to where you stand. 

ENDURANCE - You can still feel your pulse in your calf. The wound and your entire leg is scorching after Jean’s aggressive stitching job. Warm blood is slowly dripping down against your ankle, like a snake slithering inside your disco shoe.

YOU - “Sorry - what?” You blurt out. You hope the lieutenant wasn’t talking, because you were not present enough to listen.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant subdues a sigh, speaking in his current state is exhausting. “I said you may go ahead, Detective. I will join you shortly… I would like to have my cigarette first.” he says and shifts his gaze towards the city.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Smoking together has become a daily routine shared between you two. Days often stretch late at the precinct, so it’s not unusual for you and the lieutenant to be the last ones still working. You, trying to make up for your past mistakes and him overworking to stay busy. Eventually, after hours of working without exchanging a word, the two of you share a knowing look and retreat to the balcony.

YOU - Used to the habit, a gentle smile creeps on your face. You await him to officially ask you to join him.

LOGIC - But this time, there is only silence. He doesn't want you there.

HALF LIGHT - Be gone, Shitkid.

EMPATHY [difficult:failure] - Why? ... Please.

YOU - You feel your chest tighten at the realization; Kim does not want you there. “Oh … O-okay. Yeah, I’ll just …” you stammer and aim a forced smile and finger guns at him, before ascending the stairs.

KIN KITSURAGI - The lieutenant keeps his gaze far away and simply nods in response.

ENDURANCE - Each step feels like your calf is being stabbed over and over again, but compared to the awkwardness that suddenly looms between you and the lieutenant, it’s nothing.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [easy:failure] - You fumble with your keys at the door. They get caught in your blazer sleeve and keep escaping your sweaty grip. Somehow you miss the keyhole four times before finally pushing the key in.

YOU - You slam the door shut faster than you intended. The loud sound prompts you to flinch, and you know it must have irritated your neighbors as well.

HALF LIGHT - You shouldn’t be surprised that the lieutenant is mad at you, you broke his glasses! You ruined his life!

ENDURANCE [formidable:success] - Your wound is pulsing and your heart is aching, but you need to get up. The lieutenant is in much worse shape than you, and you must ensure him a safe space to regain his strength. No time for your usual sorry-cop act!

YOU - “Right … this is about Kim.” You tell yourself and forcibly stagger up. You start by turning on a green-and yellow table lamp that you had recently purchased after finding your old one broken. Jean said you had thrown it against a wall in drunken rage.

INLAND EMPIRE - The warm glow slowly brings out the vibrant colors in your apartment, hugging them gently. Your apartment wakes from its gloomy slumber, ready to welcome visitors with a comforting embrace.

LOGIC - Open a window for some fresh air, it will do good.

YOU - Good idea. You do just that. A slight breeze tickles your kitchen curtains as you open the door. The yellow curtains – also new – match the tableside lamps’ shade. You like that a lot.

YOUR APARTMENT - Many other things in your apartment had to be replaced when you returned. Like the new matching set of bedsheets you are currently setting up on your bed for the lieutenant. They are freshly washed so Kim will hopefully have to deal with your disco scent for as little as possible.

HALF LIGHT - Disco scent, or as Jean calls it; a disgusting mixture of cologne and a man who is rotting from the inside.

RHETORIC [easy:success] - It’s not really that bad, he is just an asshole. You smell normal.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [trivial:success] - While making the bed, you hear the now-familiar creak of your front door. Peeking out from the bedroom, you see Kim stepping in cautiously.

YOU - “Welcome!” You grin, trying to keep the mood light.

EMPATHY - Your smile is forced. Guilt is rampaging your insides. Will you ever smoke with the lieutenant again?

KIM KITSURAGI - Kim simply nods. He makes no effort to enter in further.

LOGIC [easy:failure] - He seems … off.

RHETORIC - Well yes, he is still very concussed. It would be unfair to expect him to be his usual self.

VISUAL CALCULUS [medium:success] - His breathing is much faster and you can see droplets of sweat forming on his forehead. He is putting in a lot of effort to conceal these signs from you, which in return is making his usual stoic face deepen into a frown.

VOLITION - No, more off than he was before. Something happened between him smoking that cigarette and stepping inside your apartment.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [impossible:failure] - The lieutenant just walked up stairs, he is physically strained from the effort.

YOUR APARTMENT - The lieutenant has briefly visited your apartment before. Driving you to work has become a reoccurring habit for him, so naturally a few times he has had to knock on your door to rouse you from deep sleep after you have overslept.  During those times, you have welcomed him in while desperately pulling on clothes and speed-brushing your teeth in blind panic. 
Each time the lieutenant chose to stand near your door in his usual formal position, and always kindly refused the offer to sit down to wait.

LOGIC - He is not a man willing to accept gestures of comfort outside the security of his own apartment walls.

EMPATHY [difficult:success] – Even there, he struggles to relax and let himself enjoy things. He keeps a strict daily routine to help him balance out household tasks and hobbies. Shower after work, a quick meal, cleaning, an hour for his chosen hobby, going over casefiles while enjoying his singular cigarette, 15-minutes of reading before bed. After exceptionally long workdays he will sometimes allow himself an occasional glass of wine while reading his book. But that is the extent of his routine breaking.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – He is so painfully BORING. A shell of a man who has never in his life felt the bursting power of crack cocaine entering his system!

VOLITION – Maybe we should focus back to reality here. The lieutenant is still standing in front of your door.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant’s position is a far cry from the authoritarian figure he usually is. His hands aren’t crossed behind his back, instead one lays limply next to his slouched body, while the other is holding his head like it weighs a ton. His face is scrunched up in discomfort and he is still squinting his eyes slightly.

AUTHORITY – He wants, no – he needs you to offer him help. He is not able to ask for it himself. He is simply going to stand there with his brain scrambled in a mess until he passes out.

YOU – “Uh – bed. I made the bed for you. Do you want to – uhh – shower first?” You offer and gesture towards both the bed and the bathroom door awkwardly. You have absolutely no idea what you should do.

KIM KITSURAGI – Dried blood, dust, and what looks like wood splinters are still stuck to his outfit and hair. His appearance is bothering him greatly, but he isn’t in shape to take care of it right now.

EMPATHY [easy:success] – He is already worried how this will affect your perception of him.

KIM KITSURAGI – “Khm. I would greatly appreciate – ah – shower. But I …” He is struggling to form coherent sentences. “I believe my condition demands I rest first. I apologize.”

RHETORIC – Despite his state, he is very apologetic for intruding in your space and causing a mess. A logic he would never apply to anyone else but himself.

YOU – “What are you sorry for? Isn't that my job?” You chuckle at the absurd words of the lieutenant. You want to walk over to him and help him to bed, but you know he wouldn’t appreciate that. Instead, you walk out of the bedroom and offer the space for him with a smile. “Go on in, then. I’ll be here to – uh – well – if you need something, just holler.”

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant nods a weak thanks and walks past you slowly into the dark bedroom.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [easy:success] – He still has his shoes and jacket on. Taking them off would be too much effort in his current state.

AUTHORITY – Pathetic. He feels pathetic just as he should.

EMPATHY [difficult:success] – He does feel pathetic and quite embarrassed. But he is also extremely thankful for the effort you are going through to help him. He wishes he could voice his gratitude right now, but exhaustion is overcoming him. For once, he is giving into his needs and allowing himself to do what his body is begging him for.

YOU – You carefully peek inside the bedroom where the shadowy shape of the lieutenant crawls into bed. He lays on top of the covers and turns to his side, letting out a subdued sigh. It takes only a few seconds before his breathing evens out and his posture relaxes.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [challenging:failure] – He has either fallen asleep or passed out. You are not sure which one.

VOLITION – You know what you should do now, Harry?

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – BOOZE! The lieutenant is out cold, it’s party time! Sniff coke off his stupidly sharp cheekbones!

VOLITION – No. You should help him. Clean him, wash his clothes, and take care of him.

YOU – Wouldn’t that be … stepping over his personal boundaries?

RHETORIC – Have you ever had an issue with that before? Just last week at work you tested how many sunflower seeds you could place in his hair before he notices.

VISUAL CALCULUS [easy:success] – The answer was 34. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The lieutenant was aware of your shenanigans from the start. He allowed your antics to continue until there were enough seeds in his hair to cause a proper mess at a flick of his head. It took you 20 minutes to gather all the seeds from the floor while the lieutenant stared you down with his lethal eyebrow and a smug smile.

EMPATHY – Need I remind you that he took care of you and saved your life back in Martinaise after you were shot. He did everything in his power to help you while suffering from a concussion.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [formidable:success] – The lieutenant groans in discomfort as he drags your heavy limp body through the doors of Whirl-in-rags. Blood is gushing from your thigh, staining his clothing red at an alarming rate. You are much taller and heavier than him, so he is having to exert a great deal of strength to drag you along. His head is pounding in pain thanks to being pistol-whipped, but he is pushing through it, his mind focused solely on you. “Garte!” The lieutenant barks. “Detective Du Bois has been shot and is bleeding profusely. I need him laying down so I can tend to his wounds!”

EMPATHY – He doesn’t mention his own injuries. His sole focus is on your survival and well-being.

YOU – You feel yourself tearing up at the image.

COMPOSURE [medium:success] – It’s not time for tears, it’s time to act!

YOU – Right. You have an opportunity to repay at least part of the effort the Lieutenant went through for your sorry ass. With hesitant steps you approach the bed.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - long calm breaths are leaving the lieutenant’s lips in a steady rhythm. He is out cold and probably will be for a while.

ENCYCLOPEDIA – It’s a common misconception that sleeping after a concussion is dangerous. However, it is recommended to wake a sleeping person every few hours to ask them a question to ensure there are no signs of brain damage.

YOU – Right, okay. You will let him sleep for an hour or two for now.

CONCEPTUALIZATION – While the lieutenant is laying there, you find yourself stuck looking at him. You have always found his features interesting and quite appealing. While your face is square and well-padded, his is rounder yet somehow still quite angular. You notice how empty his nose looks without his glasses resting on it. His hair is cleanly shaved on the sides.

YOU – You wonder if he does that himself or goes to get it cut professionally.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [heroic:success] – In his apartment, the lieutenant pulls out a simple haircut kit from his bathroom cabinet. Shiny well-cared-for scissors, a razor, and a comb are wrapped up in a beige pouch. The set cost him a good amount of réal, so he keeps it in a meticulous condition. With confidence, he picks up the comb and starts running it through his hair, parting it with experience movements. He has done this hundreds of times by now. The lieutenant puts the comb between his lips and picks up the scissors. He is precise, calm, and skilled at his movements. Small tufts of black hair fall into the sink as he works.

AUTHORITY – He is the professional.

YOU – Kim is so cool.

VOLITION – Sure. But you should probably stop staring at him – again – and actually do what you came in here to do.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION – With slow movements you reach out towards the lieutenant. You carefully take hold of his jacket and start to maneuver it around his body, trying to slip it off of him.

PERCEPTION (TOUCH) [trivial:success] – You have never touched his jacket before like this. It’s soft but not that thick. No wonder the lieutenant gets cold easily.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant does not react to your touch. Normally a light sleeper, this time he stays unconscious despite your manhandling.

HALF LIGHT – He is dead.

LOGIC [trivial:success] – No he is not. He is unconscious.

YOU – With an apologetic look on your face, you carefully turn the lieutenant from side to side and move his arms to get the jacket off of him.

EMPATHY - He feels small in your arms. You are aware of your considerable height and weight difference, but you have never been able to just hold him like this. To really feel him.

RHETORIC [formidable:failure] - Why have you thought about holding him before?

HALF LIGHT - Faggot.

ORANGE BOMBER JACKET – The jacket is dirty and needs a wash. Splinters fall off of it as you shake it. You place the jacket temporarily on the bed next to the lieutenant with great care.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION – Next, you slowly open his boots and pull them off his feet.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) – To your surprise, his boots or socks don’t smell. Maybe you should take notes and do something about your reeking disco shoes.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is now laying on his back, only wearing his white tank top, pants, and his trusty gloves. His head is gently turned to the side, giving you a good look of his unique side-profile.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Take off more!

YOU – NO! No, why would – NO! Absolutely not.

VOLITION – You are staring. Again.

YOU – It’s hard not to. The always rigid and in-control lieutenant is now laying on your bed, his eyes closed and his whole expression relaxed. It’s the first time you have a chance to truly observe his features without the fear of being absolutely destroyed by his eyebrow of authority.

VISUAL CALCULUS [medium:success] – His arms are slender but not skinny, there is a nice layer of muscles under there. He clearly works out but struggles to put up as much muscle as you. His muscle tone is much more even; whereas you are very top heavy, his whole body looks perfectly balanced. 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – You are a god. No one else can match your masculine build and strength!

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – Multiple scars decorate the lieutenant’s arms, all small and faded; scrapes and bruises from past missions. His arms are much less hairy than yours, same with his chest. A very thin layer of dark chest hair peeks from under his tank top, but it’s so thin it’s barely visible. Almost everything about him is the very opposite of you.

SUGGESTION – Something about this clearly endears and interests you. You enjoy the contrast.

YOU – Shaking yourself awake from the rather creepy staring session, you limp out of the room with the lieutenant's boots and jacket in hand. You have no idea how to properly treat this style of garments and the last thing you want to do is accidentally shrink or otherwise destroy the lieutenant's beloved bomber jacket. 
So, you decide you will treat them to a gentle wash. You flick on your radio that’s automatically tuned into your favorite channel DiscoClassicsFM, roll up your sleeves, and get to work.

Chapter Text

YOU - Besides using way too much soap and filling your entire bathroom with bubble foam, you think you did a pretty good job. You stand proudly in your completely soaked bathroom, only wearing boxers and a now wet t-shirt, and admire your work.

ORANGE BOMBER JACKET – The jacket hangs from our makeshift clothing line above your tub, dripping water in steady rhythmic drops that drum a beat against your worn plastic tub.

PAIR OF COMBAT BOOTS – The pair of shiny boots sit in the tub as well, patiently waiting to be worn soon again.

YOUR BATHROOM – The bathroom looks like a warzone. Somehow you managed to get every surface area in there wet and filled with soap foam while performing such a mundane task. But at least the mess consists of water and soap this time. When you first moved back into your apartment, the bathroom had been a mess of rotting laundry, empty beer bottles smashed in the tub, and god knows what substances on every surface.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Mostly spilled beer, vodka, and cocaine you sniffed against every flat surface possible

YOU – Done with your first task, you move on to the next; it’s time to clean up the lieutenant. He did the same to you when you were unconscious, so it’s about time you repay the favor!

YOUR BATHROOM - You find a clean rag from the cabinet under your sink and wet it. You purchased a set of new towels and rags with Kim after your return. He not only helped you clean your apartment but also took you shopping. You saw a list written in his notebook titled “FOR HARRIER”, listing multiple regular household things with an empty box next to each item, ready to be ticked off.

EMPATHY - The sight had been heartwarming. There was something special whenever the lieutenant used your name instead of calling you a detective. More personal. It also felt weirdly special to occupy space within the pages of his notebook. Your name there, forever.

LOGIC [easy:success] – At least until his notebook gets full and he purchases a new one.

YOU – You limp quietly into your bedroom again, the drenched rag dripping water on your floor as you walk.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – The lieutenant is still laying in the same position, breathing steadily. Blood has dried on the right side of his temple, all the way to his neck where it has dripped down to. It’s not a lot of blood, a normal amount for a small head wound, nothing alarming. Dust has been smeared on his face and splinters still peek out between the black strands of his hair.

YOU – You gulp, suddenly feeling nervous. The lieutenant isn’t as touchy as you, he normally refuses anything but a handshake. And now you are going to touch him, a lot.

SUGGESTION – Are you sure that’s the reason you’re nervous?

RHETORIC – You don’t have to clean him. The lieutenant cleaned you thoroughly for practical reasons to avoid an infection. It is very unlikely that the mess on him will cause him any health problems, outside perhaps small mental discomfort and embarrassment once he recovers.

EMPATHY – But it would be a comforting gesture. A way to show that you care.

YOU – You slowly lower yourself on the bed next to the lieutenant. You squeeze the rag nervously and take a deep breath. He would do the same for you, you tell yourself. This is just what cop buddies do; they help each other out. There is nothing to be nervous about!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Yeah, just two guys sharing intimate touches in bed. Totally disco.

COMPOSURE [challenging:failure] – You let out a pathetic whine the moment you brush his face with the rag. There is something seriously wrong with you. He is your colleague, a fellow officer. You are wiping blood and dust from his face, which is there only because of you, by the way, and you are whimpering like a child.

YOU – SHUT UP! I don’t – I don’t know what’s wrong with me!

SUGGESTION – Yes you do, Harry.

YOU – The rag stills on the lieutenant’s expressionless face. You are biting your lower lip and staring at him with a desperate expression stuck on your face. Perhaps deep down you know why you are acting the way you are, but it doesn’t feel right to think about it now. Not after what you did to the lieutenant today. He is in this shape because you didn’t listen to him and acted like an idiot.

HALF LIGHT – Useless idiot. The bullet should have hit you.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [heroic:success] – At his desk, lieutenant Kitsuragi is focused on his paperwork. You admire how smoothly his pen dances against the paper. His posture is straight, exactly like example images in those proper office ergonomics pamphlets everyone ignores. He looks comfortable in the silence, unlike you who cannot go a minute without either fidgeting or making some sort of noise. Currently you are endlessly clicking your ballpoint pen. But the noise doesn’t seem to bother the lieutenant, nothing seems to distract him while he works.

He looks so cool. Calm and collected, always well put together. His hair is slicked back without any strands out of order, and his facial hair is shaved cleanly into the familiar pencil mustache looks you have come to appreciate.

You lack any memory if you have ever looked at another man with such admiration than you look at the lieutenant. If you have ever found yourself thinking about how handsome another man is. You don’t know if you have ever found yourself flushed when you accidently bump into another man while crossing paths in a tight hallway. Or if you have ever before gotten completely stuck admiring their features in a trance like state.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Kmh. Detective?”

SUGGESTION - But all of that has happened with Kim. And you are scared to death to dig deeper why that’s the case.

KIM KITSURAGI - “… Detective?”

YOU – I thought we were done with the flashback?

ESPRIT DE CORPS – We are.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Officer?”

YOU – Then why can I still hear Kim?

LOGIC [trivial:success] – Because he is talking to you now.

KIM KITSURAGI – Laying on the bed, half of his face half covered with a wet rag, the lieutenant is staring at you through squinted lids with a perplexed look. He hasn’t dared to move yet, the pain in his head and the confusion situation are enough to keep him still.

YOU – “OH! Kim – shit – sorry!” You yelp awkwardly and pull the rag off his face. A moist spot has formed on his face and the mix of water and blood are now spilling on the bed. You cradle the rag against your chest and shuffle further away on the bed apologetically.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant wipes his wet face and attempts to sit up. He is only able to lean against his elbows before he frowns in pain. “What – Hnh – What are you doing, detective?” he asks and attempts to aim a neutral controlled look in your general direction. In his view, you are merely a blotchy shape framed by a faint light in the darkness.

YOU – “Oh – I -uuh – your face, the blood, you know? I was just – yeah. “

VOLITION – Breathe. He doesn’t sound mad, just confused.

YOU – “I – I wasn’t doing any homo stuff! You just had blood and stuff on your face so I – uh – wanted to clean … it … off?” You start to question yourself the longer you talk.

VOLITION - Homo stuff? Really? Get yourself together, Harry.

KIM KITSURAGI – “… I see.” The lieutenant says before letting himself fall back on the bed. He still seems out of it. “I must have dozed off, I apologize … my head … is …” he mutters, closing his eyes and going quiet again.

LOGIC – He is still recovering but there are no signs of brain damage. Check again in a couple of hours.

YOU – You let out a sigh of relief.  At some point in your life you've certainly had to care for a fellow injured officer, but that information has been wiped from your brain alongside everything else.

EMPATHY - The uncertainty makes you nervous. The last thing you want to do is hurt Kim further.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [trivial:success] – With careful strokes, you resume cleaning the lieutenant’s face. You follow his sharp angles gently, wiping away all the gunk covering his handsome features.

SUGGESTION [heroic:failure] – Handsome? Are we going to address that?

YOU – After you are done, you quietly get up and rummage your closet for another blanket. The lieutenant fell asleep on top of the covers and you don’t want him to get cold. 

YOUR APARTMENT - Unfortunately, while your life is somewhat under your control again, you are still a single man living alone and do not own a second pair of anything. It's time to get creative and find something else for the lieutenant to use as a blanket.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - Your eyes fall on the nauseatingly colorful assortment of blazers and shirts.

YELLOW BLAZER - You pick out a large bright yellow blazer and very carefully lay it on top of the lieutenant like a blanket. 

EMPATHY [easy:success] - It feels right, yellow is close to orange. Orange is Kim’s color.

YELLOW BLAZER - The blazer is big enough on him to work perfectly well as a temporary blanket. You can't help but to note how funky Kim looks with yellow on him. The contrast between the blazer and his midnight black hair is striking.

SAVOIR FAIRE - You flash a pair of celebratory finger guns in the dark and make your way back to your living room.

YOU – You let the lieutenant sleep and check on him regularly. Each time you wake him up he seems more coherent, but it is clear he still needs time and rest before he is back to normal. So, you let him rest while finding something enjoyable to distract yourself with.

SUGGESTION [heroic:failure] - You could also sit down and actually inspect your recently rather obsessive thoughts about the detective. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Fuck that, do not stop what you are currently doing! The happy brain juices are finally flowing!

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [trivial:failure] – Humming to the tune of the radio, you chop the carrot with enthusiasm. The uneven pieces are being knocked everywhere on your cutting board and counter, but cleanliness has never been your strongest feature.

YOU - Alongside running, you have picked up cooking to try and keep yourself busy. The less time you have alone bored, the less time you spend thinking about the cravings. Cooking turned out to be something you enjoyed, so you have kept at it. Experimenting with different ingredients, tossing whatever you can get your hands on into a pot and seeing what happens, and feasting on your creations is a source of joy for you that you never thought you’d experience.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - It’s no speed or vodka, but I take what I can.

SAVOIR FAIRE - You are not a man bound by rules, so following recipes isn’t your thing. Instead, you are like a mad scientist, experimenting with whatever works. Luckily you are not picky either, so most of the time you enjoy the odd fruits of your labor.

LOGIC [easy:success] – Years of drug and alcohol abuse have dulled your taste buds.

MYSTERIOUS POT OF STEW – Currently, a dubious mixture of chopped vegetables, chunks of meat, and your very own green broth are bubbling in a pot. It smells surprisingly good and like actual food.

YOU – You made the smart decision to change your clothes and are now much more dressed up.
Normally, you would be relaxing in your boxers and one of your many ugly t-shirts, but you don’t want to risk giving the lieutenant brain damage with the sight of you swaying half-naked in your kitchen. So as a gesture of kindness only worthy of the lieutenant, you are wearing a pair of light blue disco pants and a tight collar t-shirt with a flower print that fit you better many years ago.

VISUAL CALCULUS - Looking good, chief.

YOU - I think you mean chef!

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – Your calf still hurts. A lot. Leaning most of your weight on your healthy leg is helping slightly, but you can still feel a constant pulsing pain radiating deep in your calf muscles. You shouldn’t be standing at all, you know you are only making it worse. It doesn’t help that nobody at the Precinct is willing to give you anything but over-the-counter medicine that helps as much as licking a salt rock for sugar cravings.

LOGIC – An odd metaphor. The pills barely have an effect on you because you have numbed your tolerance and pain receptors with hard drugs over the years. Slowly with time, you have a chance of reaching a somewhat normal tolerance again.

YOUR APARTMENT – Even through music and the sound of the stew bubbling, you can feel the deathly silence of your bedroom nagging in the back of your head. Kim is still asleep, much longer than you expected. The lieutenant seems to have an inhumane ability to bounce back from everything, so the unusually long rest he is taking is making you anxious. Maybe you hurt him more than you realized.
Focusing on cooking to distract you is helping slightly, but the dinner is finished soon and you are getting nervous. What will you do next? You need to do something. Silence, anxiety, and boredom are a recipe for a disaster and you know it.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – You know what to do, Harry-boy! Forget this faggot shit and get fucking wasted! Snort that speed and feel the rush again! There is no better time than now! Numb your worries and FEEL FREE!

VOLITION – Do not listen to him. That is the exact thing you are trying to distract yourself from.

MYSTERIOUS POT OF STEW – The smile on your face fades and you find yourself stuck staring into the bubbling stew. The thick and murky green liquid reminds you of your mind; an endlessly stirring mess. Every now and then a chunk of meat pops up on the surface before sinking again, much like your self-destructive thoughts creeping their ugly head out just to remind you how easily everything you have built up since Martinaise could be destroyed.

HALF LIGHT – The situation you are in currently is one of those big fat balls of meat, Harry. Do you really think the lieutenant will forgive you just because you let him sleep in your bed and wiped his face? You gave him a concussion and broke his glasses! If he doesn’t personally fuck you up, Jean will.

YOU – Silently and on autopilot, you scrape the sliced carrots off the cutting board and let them fall into the stew. The bright orange pieces sink deep into the green liquid, disappearing under them instantly.

DRAMA [easy:failure] – I am sure there is a metaphor here too.

HALF LIGHT – Like how the lieutenant is being drowned by your miserable existence.

YOU – You try to shake the thoughts away and keep stirring the food. It only needs to simmer on low heat for a while for the carrots to soften and then it’s ready. Your plan is to check on the lieutenant one more time before going to sleep and hopefully get him to eat some of the stew. He might not even like it. Come to think of it, you have no idea what type of food the lieutenant likes.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [medium:success] – Footsteps.

Chapter Text

REACTION SPEED – You turn quickly and peek out between a kitchen counter and overhead cupboards towards your bedroom door. Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise and relief.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is standing near the bedroom door, his posture much closer to his usual strong stance. His arms are clasped behind his back again, but his demeanor lacks the usual authority. The white tank top and missing shoes make him look almost comfortable and oddly domestic.

EMPATHY – He looks like he fits in.

YOU – “Ki – Lieutenant!” You smile and limp out of the kitchen. You reach your arms out for a hug but stop yourself short.

HALF LIGHT – What the fuck are you doing? He doesn’t want a hug from you. You are the reason he is in this mess. Also, you are dirty, fucking gross.

YOU – Sheepishly, you retreat and quickly reach for a towel. You start wiping the sauce from your hands and face. Somehow, you have gotten it on your forehead. “H-how are you feeling, lieutenant?” You ask carefully, keeping a respectful distance from Kim.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant squints but keeps his expression stoic. “Khm. Detective.” He greets you.

EMPATHY [medium:failure] – He is reserved. Something is making him extremely uncomfortable

VISUAL CALCULUS [formidable:success] – His eyes are squinted and he is gripping his hands hard behind his back. One of his thumbs is gently drawing circles around his wrist, a self-soothing motion hidden behind his back. He must have removed his gloves after waking up.

KIM KITSURAGI – “I have a slight lingering headache but otherwise I am feeling quite well, thank you.” The lieutenant insists and casually dusts off his tank top.

PAIN THRESHOLD [challenging:success] – A big fat lie. The pounding in his head has not calmed down in the slightest. The concussion has eased slightly, but he will need much more rest before he is back to normal. Dark bruises are slowly forming on his temple, the back of his head and upper back, which took the worst of the impact. He is in need of much more rest and care.

AUTHORITY – But Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi is not weak, like you. He will not complain or cry. He is strong, unstoppable, and could take on anyone right now!

EMPATHY – Incorrect. The lieutenant is forcing his strong appearance even harder than usual. He is feeling weak and unsteady on his feet, but he won’t allow himself to sit down or rest any further. A mind trained since childhood to be independent, strong, and routine orientated is forcing him to stand and appear well, despite being very aware of how bad he actually feels. Showing his true emotions is an option much worse than enduring his current state.

KIM KITSURAGI – “Detective. I would like to tha-“

YOU – “Sit down with me!” You yelp loudly, with a forced smile on your face. You gesture towards the couch only after a brief moment of awkward silence.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant arches an eyebrow but it’s lacking authority. “Thank you, Detective, but I only just got up. I have been laying down for hours, I wouldn’t mind –“

YOU – “I insist! I – I really do! Sit down for my sake!” You keep pleading and make your way to the couch, sitting down as if to show the lieutenant how it’s done. You pat the space next to you with enthusiasm.

AUTHORITY – The lieutenant does not appreciate being cut off. He wants to say something about it, but the chance to get off his unsteady feet is too tempting.

KIM KITSURAGI – With slow steps masked with fake confidence, the lieutenant walks to the couch. He pats the edge with his hand a few times and sits down. He leaves a large gap between you two and moves one of your decorative pillows on it.

EMPATHY [medium:success] – A subconscious move. The pillow works like a wall between you two, giving him more security. He is very uncomfortable.

YOU – “So – uh – how are you feeling? Any better?” You ask carefully while fiddling with your fingers. Anxiety is creeping up your spine, reminding you that the entire situation is your fault. You aren’t even sure if Kim remembers how badly you fucked up, and you might have to tell him everything in detail again.

RHETORIC - You already asked how he is feeling a few seconds ago. Stop acting so weird.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is silent for a while, his eyes focused somewhere else. “As I said, I am feeling well.” he insists. “But I do have to admit, I am a bit hazy on the details of today’s incident.” The lieutenant sighs and rubs the side of his head gently. “Care to fill me in, Detective?” he asks, turning to look at you, his tone slightly cheerier.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [formidable:success] – He finds it amusing that you need to fill him in. Most of the time you are either lost in thought or talking to the city, so the lieutenant is always the one needing to repeat things to you.

YOU – Just like you feared, you need to look Kim in the eyes and explain just how badly you fucked up. Again.

VOLITION – Just be honest. Do not lie, do not make jokes, simply explain what happened. The lieutenant is a reasonable man, he will understand. A concussion and a pair of broken eyeglasses are a fair price to pay for being alive.

YOU – You let out a shaky breath and lower your eyes to your dry hands. You can see some sauce under one of your fingernails. “I … “ Silence. You keep your eyes focused on your hands which are starting to tremble now.
Another breath, another try.
“Turns out that the main suspect – uh – Kalda, he was armed. He had a knife and stabbed me.” You start.

KIM KITSURAGI – Immediately, the lieutenant’s eyes widened in shock. His expression remains neutral but his eyes betray him.

EMPATHY [easy:success] – Worry.

YOU – “O-on the calf! Nothing life threatening!” You quickly explain and pull up your pant leg to display the stitched wound.

CUT ON YOUR LEG – The area around the slash is badly swollen, indicating just how deep the cut is. The stitching done by Jean is holding up decently, but some blood has again leaked out and dried against your leg.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant’s eyes gaze at the wound, but his look is unfocused. To him your leg is simply a beige-colored blotch with a blurry shape of red in the middle. He can’t determine just how accurate you are being about your description of the wound.

AUTHORITY – But he refuses to lean in. He will not let himself display just how bad his eyesight is.

EMPATHY – He wants to do it so badly. He is very worried about you. He knows you are bad at taking care of yourself and are probably playing down the severity of the wound.

YOU – “Anyway, it’s nothing really! Honestly, I got lucky that I was stabbed on the same leg I was shot at. I can still Jamrock shuffle!” You grin and flash a pair of finger guns.

KIM KITSURAGI - Your grin does not rub off on the lieutenant. Clear worry is plastered on his face, despite your best attempts to play the situation down. 

INLAND EMPIRE - The tribunal. A bullet meant for him exploding through a stranger's chest. Your tall figure falling heavy on the ground. Hot red blood gushing from your leg. Life slowly draining from your eyes. 

VOLITION - He hates these memories.

YOU - You read the room and continue the story; “So – uh – after that whole thing happened the second suspect was going to shoot you, so … I had to do something. Something cop-like.” You feel the words getting stuck in your throat and cannot bring yourself to look at the lieutenant.
“He thought he could shoot you and outrun me because of my injury. I just - I know you told me to not be an idiot but I swear there was no other way! There was no time to pull out my gun or - or go all supercop on them.”
A quick gasp for breath in between your fast rambling.
“So I did the only logical - or what I thought to be the only logical thing and pulled you out of the bullet’s way. That’s when … you hit your head and … broke your glasses.”

HALF LIGHT – Here it comes. The lieutenant fucking hates you and is going to make sure you know it too.

KIM KITSURAGI – Instead, the lieutenant is silent, still looking down at your foot. His hands are laying against his thighs in a relaxing manner, but he is squeezing part of his pants fabric between his thumb and an index finger.

EMPATHY [medium:success] – Another self-soothing motion. He doesn’t realize he is doing it.

KIM KITSURAGI – “What about the suspects? Were they both apprehended?” The lieutenant asks. He is prioritizing work over everything else, as always.

YOU – You feel slightly proud to be able to tell him that the suspects are currently sitting in a holding cell. “Both are currently behind bars waiting to be transferred. I called for backup and Jean got them.” You explain.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [easy:success] – You hear the faintest relieved sigh at those words.

KIM KITSURAGI – “I see. I am able to recall most of the incident but … I suppose the concussion is making it difficult to piece all of it together.” The lieutenant sighs. “I should be back in working shape in a few days, however. It is not the first concussion I have sustained during work and I have never experienced long-lasting effects.” He explains matter-of-factly.

AUTHORITY – He is not weak. This incident will not affect his work. He needs you to know this.

YOU – The last thing on your mind at the moment is Kim’s work condition. You would miss him terribly if he was out of work, but your top priority is simply his overall well-being and health. The feelings overwhelm you and you start feeling tears creeping in.

COMPOSURE [impossible:failure] - You are going to cry.

YOU - Relief seeing the lieutenant alive and talking is too strong. You feel your anxieties washing away and the immense stress you have been carrying finally disappearing. You are so relieved. Tears start rolling down your cheeks as you launch forwards and capture the lieutenant into a tight hug.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant flinches harshly at the contact and freezes.

RHETORIC – I thought you were concerned about his personal boundaries?

YOU – You sob against the crook of his neck openly. It’s not the first cry-hug you have shared, but it feels like the most impactful one so far. Your strong biceps are squeezing the smaller man tight, as if he was at a risk of disappearing the second you let go. The lieutenant must absolutely hate you now, but you still want him to know just how much you appreciate him being alive.
"Fuf-fuck Kim – I … I’m so sorry! I hurt you so bad a-and broke your glasses! It’s all my fault!” You cry, your words wavering.
“I didn’t know what else to do, I couldn’t lose you!” You admit with no shame. You need Kim to hear this before he demands a new partner, or before you are fired.

AUTHORITY - Sorry-cop has entered the building.

HALF LIGHT - This is worse than sorry-cop. This is irredeemably pathetic-cop.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is stiff against you. His whole body is rigid with tension while you are melting into him like the sad soft man you are. He says nothing, but slowly, you feel a hand touching your shoulder. He gives you a couple of firm pats.

EMPATHY – You shudder. You care so deeply for this man, so even his formal touch feels like burning hot fire against you.

SUGGESTION – I would like to point out that there might be some other emotions involved in the mix. You have cried against Jean, Minot, Heidelstam, and random suspects as well, and none of them have made you feel so safe and reassured as the lieutenant.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Oh yeah baby! You know what’s up! You want that lieutenant grade ass! Ask him to finger you!

VOLITION - Why would you ever ask that? Just why?

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant allows you to have your moment. He prefers avoiding physical touch, but your sudden bursts of affection have become quite common to him. But he still has his limits, and eventually he carefully gives your shoulder a gentle press, asking you for some personal space.

YOU – You lean back slowly and try to subdue your sobs. It’s not working all that well, and you are left hiccupping and sniffing under the lieutenant’s gaze. The tears have made your already red eyes an even deeper shade of red and have also soaked into your mutton chops. It’s not a pretty sight, you look quite pathetic right now.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – Your tears have also soaked into the strap of the lieutenant's tank top and made the skin around it glisten under the dim light. His hand itches to reach for his napkin and wipe away the mess.

HALF LIGHT – Great work making the situation worse, idiot.

YOU – You quickly scramble to hand him the sauce soaked towel with an apologetic look. “Here – sorry.” You mumble.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant hesitates but takes the dirty towel, nodding a thanks. He searches for a clean spot between the stains of green broth, and wipes away the mess you made on his shoulder. He carefully folds the dirty towel into a neat square before handing it back to you, like it’s the most precious thing he has ever handled. “Thank you.”

EMPATHY – The gesture makes you tear up again.

KIM KITSUGARI – “Khm … Detective …” The lieutenant cleans his throat, indicating that he has something to say. Something so important that he hopes you can focus on his words instead of crying.

HALF LIGHT – He is going to tell you that he never wants to see you again.

RHETORIC – Unlikely. He is still here. If he wanted nothing to do with you, he would have left.

KIM KITSURAGI – “How …” The lieutenant hesitates for a moment. “How did you know the suspect had a gun and was going to shoot me?” He asks, and aims a stoic, but somehow curious, look towards you. His eyes don’t pierce you like they usually do, because despite being in your close proximity, the lieutenant cannot make out any shapes of your face.

HALF LIGHT – He doesn’t believe you. As he shouldn’t. You are an insane man in need of psychiatric help, a loose cannon who needs to be fired immediately and thrown into an asylum.

RHETORIC – He simply wants to understand. He saw no indications of a gun as you approached the suspects. He needs to know if he missed something, if he made a mistake.

YOU – “Oh well – you know…” You chuckle awkwardly and gesture towards your head. You have come to learn that generally people do not believe in your abilities. Jean calls you insane every chance he gets, even when a case is solved purely because of your abilities. Judith is friendly but finds your way of working unsettling at times. Heidelstam always assumes you are making one of your off-color jokes and gives you a hearty chuckle.
Everyone can see how skilled you are at your work and recognize your talent, but that doesn’t mean they believe you when you say you are talking with the city.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – In the dark, only lit up by a tiny desk lamp, Satellite officer Vicquemare is working silently. A cigarette rests lazily between his lips and there is a deep frown on his face, a feature you never see him without nowadays. He is tense, deep knots in his shoulder muscles making his already miserable night even worse. Like second nature, Jean writes a perfect copy of your signature on the paper; he isn’t filling his own paperwork, but yours.

Faking your signature to save your sorry-ass has become second nature for him. You were always either high, drunk, or skipping work, so Jean had no choice but to do your paperwork for you to keep you from being fired. He writes your signature better than you, by now.

This time, however, he will not take credit for the work. He will silently slip the paper on top of the pile on your desk and insist you filled it yourself if you ask about it.

YOU – You smile faintly. You need to thank Jean somehow.

KIM KITSURAGI – “Detective?” The lieutenant asks once more, bringing you back to reality. He has the same look on his face as always when he catches you lost in your unique thought process; partly concerned, partly curious.

YOU – “What? Oh – right – uhh - I guess I could tell just from the way he was holding his arms. There had to be something behind his back and - and anything smaller than a gun just did not make sense.” You mumble.
You don’t know how else to explain it. You felt the gun behind the suspect’s back, as if it was pressed against yours. You could see, feel, and smell the bullet flying through the air and sinking into the lieutenant’s chest in slow motion, while the rest of reality was stopped around you, letting you observe the future scenario.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant arches a weak eyebrow but doesn’t question you further.

RHETORIC – He isn’t buying it. He knows you are leaving things out, but there are more pressing matters to discuss now.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - While your explanation makes as little sense as your fashion choices, he is relieved to know the incident did not occur due to misconduct on his part.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant clears his throat again. “Anyway, to continue what I really wanted to say – I do not accept your apology.” he says and lifts a stern finger up before you can even begin to apologize. “Because there is nothing to apologize for. You saved my life, Harry.”

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Your name on his lips is like a drug.

SUGGESTION – You want more.

KIM KITSURAGI – “I consider a concussion an occupational hazard, these things happen. A light injury such as this is nothing compared to the alternative. My glasses, however …” he sighs and rubs between his brows in discomfort. 
“It’s extremely inconvenient to lose them. It can be weeks before a replacement pair is made and sent to the Precinct. Maybe I could – well … perhaps …” in a rare moment of uncertainty, the lieutenant’s sentence dies out as he is left wondering his thoughts out loud.

LOGIC [formidable:success] – Unable to use his notebook to write down his thoughts, the lieutenant’s line of thinking derails.

AUTHORITY – How will he do his work now? He has become utterly useless, unable to even fill paperwork. Years of school, training, and work experience, yet he cannot put any of that to use because he cannot see. Humiliating.

EMPATHY – Comfort him. Tear the walls down and help. Let him know everything will be okay.

VOLITION – A noble thought, but remember who you are talking about. This is lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi. He could be torn limb to limb and he would refuse to complain or accept comfort. He might take your gesture negatively and only bury himself deeper.

YOU – It’s a risk you decide is worth taking.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – The lieutenant is squeezing his fist tightly. His jaw muscles are tensed and there is a light frown on his face. The signs are very subtle and easy to miss, but you can tell he is in great discomfort. Physically and mentally. His eyes look nowhere, which only adds to his distress.

YOU – “Kim?”

KIM KITSURAGI – “Oh sorry - yes?” He had completely lost himself in his thoughts.

YOU – You take a shaky breath and prepare to speak your mind. Normally it’s never an issue like this. You are famous for letting whatever comes to your mind spew out freely, often shocking and confusing everyone around you. But somehow now you find yourself struggling.

EMPATHY – You are scared. You don’t want to hurt him.

PAIN THRESHOLD – You are about to attack the lieutenants at his very core. He has made it very clear he does not discuss emotions with anyone. Yet here you are, going against his personal boundaries and power.

SUGGESTION – You are scared you will mess this up just like you did with her . Your words were your weapon, you used them to hurt everyone. They were your shield and dagger, slashing people around you and shielding yourself from well-meaning criticism.

LOGIC [challenging:failure] – Her? The lieutenant isn’t your life partner, he is your colleague. Why are you worrying about him the same way?

YOU – “I know – I know you can’t see well.” You start and immediately cringe at your own words.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant seems puzzled and allows his brows to frown ever so slightly. “Yes, we have discussed my eyesight before.” He states. Despite his calm demeanor, his adams apple bops slowly as he swallows down a growing knot of anxiety.

YOU – “I mean – yes – fuck – that’s not what I wanted to say.” You groan and sink your face into your palms, hiding away. Why is this so difficult?

AUTHORITY – What the hell is wrong with you? Pathetic. Speak up, boy!

YOU – “I know you are strong. You are the strongest, Kim.” You start up again and lift your face up enough to stare down at your feet while still talking into your palms. Your hands provide comfort and a physical barrier between your words and the lieutenant, calming you slightly.

EMPATHY – You are mirroring the lieutenant’s self-soothing.

YOU - “You cracked the hanged man case even when I was a total mess, you saved my life, and you are a pinball master! You are so freaking cool, Kim … So – uh – you don’t need to do all this pretending to be okay stuff.”

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant looks at you, his face stoic as always, his body rigid and stiff. He is taking in your words but not reacting in any way.

VISUAL CALCULUS [impossible:failure] – His face is stone. There is nothing to read.

YOU – “That – uh – “You stutter, his gaze is so unmoved and serious. You are terrified you already fucked up.

VOLITION – The lieutenant is a man of honesty. Speak your mind, stop circling the topic.

YOU – “I can tell that your head is hurting and you are doing all this self-soothing to try and cope - which - don’t get me wrong, Kim, you are super good at keeping your cool. It’s just - you know, can-opener.” You chuckle weakly and swirl your index finger around your temple, like a spoon mixing your thought soup. “I’m not even sure why I care so much …”

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [challenging:success] – The slightest inhale of breath.

YOU – “But I do! I care so much about you Kim so … I’m sorry for putting you into this position. I know your eyesight is a big thing for you and now you are stuck pretending it doesn’t bother you when it clearly does! I’m … I’m sorry, Kim.” You sigh and turn to finally face him. You look deeply into his brown eyes with your moistening green ones.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is silent. He has not moved a muscle since you started speaking.

HALF LIGHT – As if you couldn’t dig yourself any deeper.

VOLITION - He is unusually quiet… Even for his standards.

KIM KITSURAGI – “Khm.” The lieutenant suddenly clears his throat into his fist. “As I said, no apology needed.” he brushes you off with a calm voice. “I believe we both need rest so we can resume our work as soon as possible, detective. I am okay taking the couch, because your injury requires you to lay your leg down comfortably. Is this okay?” He asks, stoically.

HALF LIGHT – He hates you.

VOLITION – Something definitely feels odd.

REACTION SPEED - He brushed you off completely.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [medium:failure]  – Everything about the lieutenant looks normal. He is sitting straight with a good posture, one leg crossed over the other formally. His hands are resting against his top thigh and his expression is as neutral as ever.

LOGIC - [formidable:failure] – Nothing is wrong, the lieutenant is acting completely normally in a completely normal situation.

YOU – “I … “You find yourself lost for words. Kim is so composed you start doubting yourself. Did you read all the signs wrong? Did you completely misunderstand the lieutenant’s feelings? He seems fine while you are breaking apart at the seams – and for what?

HALF LIGHT – Some can-opener you are, huh? Can’t even tell what your work partner is feeling. Fan-fucking-tastic work, Harry.

YOU - “Su-sure … that’s fine.” You say, defeated. You want to ask if Kim is hungry, if he would like a glass of water, but you can’t bring yourself to do it. You think he should be hungry and thirsty by now, but you are doubting everything in your head at the moment. 

MYSTERIOUS POT OF STEW – A rich smell escapes from under the pot lid and sneaks its way into your nose, reminding you that your food is still cooking.

YOU – “Oh, the stew.” You mutter and get up carefully, letting out a pained grunt as you lay weight on your leg. You limp slowly to the kitchen, leaning against the counter for support whenever you can. You open the lid and take a sniff.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) – The stew smells nice, very rich, but instead of making your mouth water and your stomach grumble, it makes you nauseous.

YOU – With a sigh you turn off the heat and stare at the pot. You see your own warped reflection from the metallic surface looking back at you, mocking the mess of a man you are. You turn your gaze towards the couch where the lieutenant still sits, unmoved.

VOLITION - Focus on the bed, don’t let the alarmingly desperate thoughts to suck you in. Keep it together and give the lieutenant a place to sleep.

COMPOSURE [legendary:success] - With only a mild whimper escaping your tense lips, you limp past the lieutenant to your bedroom. A rhythmic mantra of “pillow, sheet, blanket” repeats in your head as you walk, helping your thoughts from escaping their tight leash.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - You would love to be on a leash.

YOU - What??

LOGIC [challenging:failure] - You are not a dog. That statement makes no sense.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - Your dark bedroom opens in front of your eyes. It looks the same as before, except for the clear lack of a sleeping lieutenant on your bed. Instead, there is a faint man-shaped body imprint left on your sheets.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [medium:success] - Seeing the soft crevasse on your bed makes you miss something you have never experienced. Longing for domestic bliss that reaches deep in your soul and makes home a home. The shape of your loved one on your bed after a peaceful night of sleep, knowing both of you will return there after a long day of work, and fall asleep in a loving tangle of limbs.

REACTION SPEED - A splash of color catches your eye; it’s your yellow disco blazer. 

YELLOW DISCO BLAZER - It sits neatly folded on the edge of the bed. The lieutenant must have folded it after waking up and finding it covering his body. The folding job is neat, beating some clothing store shelves you have seen. The blazer is in a perfect square, its edges lining with the bed corner meticulously. To finish the job, the lieutenant slid his hands over the cloth, smoothing up the front. 

EMPATHY - He treated that blazer with more respect than you have ever given any of your clothing. You feel tears moistening your eyes again.

ENDURANCE [heroic:success] - You grit your teeth while slowly emptying your bed of your sheets. The added light weight of them is enough to make your way back to the lieutenant an even more of a struggle.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant sits still on the couch, his gaze moving naturally between the floor and walls while waiting.

RHETORIC – For someone worried about your leg, he sure does not seem concerned or willing to help now.

EMPATHY [heroic:failure] – It is odd. The lieutenant has always shown great worry over your wellbeing, but right now he seems uninterested in you.

HALF LIGHT – You deserve this. That’s what you get for trying to dig deeper, for trying to form connections. You infect everyone with your rot, Harry.

YOU – “T-there.” You say with a forced smile and present the bed for Kim like it’s your finest work of art. In reality, you simply moved the mattress topper, sheets, pillow and a blanket from your bed and laid them down on the couch.

RHETORIC [trivial:success] - A kind act but now you have nothing to sleep on yourself. Perhaps put on some more clothes before going to bed yourself.

VOLITION - Kim would gladly sleep without a proper bed if he knew you had no spare sheets. That possibility does not even cross his mind because normal people usually own a second pair or almost everything.

LOGIC [trivial:success] - A second pair of bedsheets would make washing up easier for you too. You could stop sleeping on still wet sheets, which by the way, is not a normal thing to do.

YOU - Your mind is blown, this possibility never crossed the surface of your smooth brain.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [medium:success] - You realize the word ‘wet dream’ does not mean what you thought it meant. You have many people to apologize to.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant nods a thank you and stands up. “If you don’t mind, I would prefer to lay down right away. But please, do not let me be a bother, resume your regular evening activities as you normally would. Noise won’t bother me.” he insists and shuffles past you to his bed.

YOU – You follow him with your eyes; confused. Kim seems so … formal, all of a sudden. You simply nod, despite him already turning his back on you and laying down.
In silence, you limp to put the stew into the fridge to cool. You can’t bring yourself to eat anything, despite feeling hungry. You make your way to your bedroom doorway quietly, and turn to peek back at the lieutenant before going in; “Goodnight, lieutenant.”

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - There is no response.

Chapter Text

YOU – Laying in your now empty bed you gaze at the ceiling. Your mind is heavy and won’t let you fall asleep. It feels like it has been hours but you don’t feel any more tired than you did before.

VOLITION – We should discuss what happened today. You won’t be able to sleep otherwise.

INLAND EMPIRE – The air in your apartment is heavy and tense, almost as if your swirling thoughts are sucking out all the air and turning it into clouds of anxiety.

YOU – “I don’t know what I did wrong …I thought he would feel better …”

LOGIC [easy:failure] – You tried to butt your head into business that wasn’t yours. You and the lieutenant are close, but clearly you misunderstood just how close. He did not want to discuss his emotional state with you and shut the conversation down politely so you would not feel embarrassed, and your professional relationship would not be affected.

RHETORIC – But the lieutenant has been willing to discuss your emotions before. He has always been open to listening and giving his input in order to make you feel better. This is the first time he has shut you down.

SUGGESTION [formidable:success] – There is something more to his behavior.

PAIN THRESHOLD – Like being in pain and not wanting to deal with your whining.

VOLITION – No, something more. The lieutenant is a good person. He is serious about his work, stoic, and can sometimes seem cold, but he cares immensely about the people around him. He took you under his wing without hesitation and has been by your side ever since you first met. That is not the behavior of someone who does not want to deal with you.

YOU – “Then … then why did he not let me care for him?”

EMPATHY [easy:success] – Because he got scared.

YOU – You frown into the darkness. “Scared of me? Why? I had clothes on!”

EMPATHY – No. He is scared to appear weak, remember? He is scared to show that side of him to anyone, but especially you.

LOGIC – His emotional walls protect him. He uses them to be in total control in every situation. Unlike you, who is reactive, emotional, rash, and often reckless, the lieutenant is calm, collected, calculates his every move, and keeps his emotions under wraps.

YOU – “I know this, I know Kim. How is this helpful at all?” You pose the question into the air.

EMPATHY [godly:success] – In your move to try and help, you practically tore down those walls. You exposed his vulnerable emotional core to the world. You told him you see through him and know that he feels weak.

YOU – You shoot up in bed. “WHAT?” You yelp and immediately cover your mouth. “I didn’t – that’s not what I wanted to do! I – I just wanted to support him!” You scream-whisper.

PAIN THRESHOLD – Your panic is making your wound pulse in pain.

VOLITION – Your intentions were honorable, Harry, but you must understand. Nobody has ever been able to see through Kim like you are. He has survived a life of loneliness, racism, homophobia, and danger by blending in and making himself invisible. He observes life around him carefully and gives others no reason to single him out.

AUTHORITY - His work is always done in time and immaculately, so nobody can pick him apart. His appearance is always neat and controlled, so nobody will pay him any mind. His emotions never leak through, so nobody can get close and hurt him. His personal interests and dreams are never brought up in conversations, so nobody can embarrass him. His weakness never shows, so nobody can target him.

SAVOIR FAIRE – But none of that works against Harrier the human can-opener Du Bois. And it scares him to his core.

YOU – “Oh fuck … I – I really fucked up, didn’t I?” You ask out loud, already knowing the answer.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [easy:success] – Just then, a loud thud makes you flinch. It came from your bathroom and shook your floor enough to indicate that something fell down.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION – Carefully, you nudge yourself out of bed without letting your hurt calf scrape against anything.

YOU – You make your way out the bedroom and towards the source of the noise slowly, limping and leaning against the walls.

INLAND EMPIRE [easy:success] – The movement is familiar. The rough cool wall scraping against your skin, the support it gives. You have done this hundreds of times before, drunk and high. The cooling effect of the wall is nice.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – You notice that Kim’s makeshift bed is empty. 

YOU - “Kim?” You ask carefully, waiting for a response. You hear none, so you approach the bathroom door that is slightly ajar. A stripe of light is illuminating behind the door and it momentarily blinds you as you go in.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – There, on the still wet floor, the lieutenant is laying on his behind, his hand holding his head and his legs bent awkwardly on his sides.

VISUAL CALCULUS [medium:success] – The way he is sitting is not natural, it looks like he was attempting to move before you opened the door and forced him to stop. 
His pants are wet, the darkened soaked fabric obvious on his behind, back of his thighs, and calves. His top is also wet from the back, though it's harder to notice because of the white fabric. He is keeping himself upright with his left arm, while leaning his head against his right. It is obvious that the lieutenant slipped on the wet floor and fell.

INLAND EMPIRE - Dejá vu. You have seen him helpless on the floor before.

ENCYCLOPEDIA – I would like to remind you about what I said earlier. A secondary concussion after the first one can be life threatening.

YOU – You gasp in panic. “Kim – “

VISUAL CALCULUS [difficult:success] – Wait. He has not hit his head. See how he is holding himself up with his dominant arm and cradling his head with his non-dominant one? The lieutenant fell on his back and managed to stop himself from hitting his head, which he is holding simply as a preventive measure.

YOU – You let out a relieved sigh and take a step inside the bathroom. “You – you okay?” You ask, feeling silly for even asking, considering that the lieutenant is still on the floor. Of course he isn’t okay, but you don’t dare to assume anything further after the earlier fiasco of a conversation.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant seems to deflate as you finally speak up, as if he was hoping you wouldn’t notice him if he stayed perfectly still. “Detective.” He states. “The floor was … wet.” he says.
The “I slipped and fell” part of the sentence goes unspoken.

YOU – An apologetic grin spreads on your face. “Oh yeah – sorry, that was my bad. I kind of lost control when washing your jacket and boots, a-and forgot to dry up … sorry.” you explain and reach your hand out to help him up.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant seems hesitant for a second. He looks at your hand – or what he can see of it – before finally sighing and taking a hold of it.

SAVOIR FAIRE– You pull him up with a strong swing, maybe a bit too strong, as the lieutenant lets out a surprised oomph and sinks against your chest.

YOU – “I got you.” You simply grin and give him a couple of comforting pats.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant clears his throat and takes a step back. “T-thank you.”

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [trivial:success] – You notice the tips of his ears turning a deep shade of red, contrasting strongly against his normally pale skin.

EMPATHY – He is embarrassed.

YOU – “Oh – you’re embarrassed.” You state, like the blabbermouth you are.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant’s composure cracks and his mouth opens slightly in shock. He cannot believe you called him out with such ease. His brows scrunch up in shame and his ears only gain more color. He wants to say something to defend himself, but he can’t.

RHETORIC – You may be correct but you have done it again. You pointed out how easily you can see through him and now he feels exposed and uncomfortable. This is the exact thing you did not want to do again, remember?

SUGGESTION – Say something else to ease his discomfort.

YOU – “Crap! No, I mean – I shouldn’t point that out, we just talked about this and how it makes you feel – goddamnit.” You blabber instead and smack your forehead with your palm in frustration.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is standing next to you quietly. His arms wrap around himself as his gaze tries to find a suitable spot to focus on.

EMPATHY [medium:success] – He is feeling emotionally exposed and is attempting to physically protect himself.

YOU – “A-anyway! This was my fault – again – so let me help you back to bed.” You insist, forcing an end to the awkward situation with the best fake confidence you can muster. Your help means uselessly limping next to the detective for a few meters to his couch bed, but he accepts the gesture in silence nonetheless.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant sits down on the edge of his bed, still not meeting your eyes or saying a word.

HALF LIGHT – He wishes you would leave this room … this apartment … his entire life.

RHETORIC – Incorrect. He is thinking about something very deeply.

YOU – You clasp your hands together awkwardly and keep the fake smile going. “Well – hope you are able to – uh – get back to sleep. Goodnight!” You quickly turn around to escape into the comforting darkness of your bedroom where you can safely wallow in your self-pity and regret.

KIM KITSURAGI – “Detective.”

INLAND EMPIRE – The air in the room goes out. The temperature drops. Suddenly everything else around the room disappears into a meaningless fog.

VOLITION – The mood has shifted. Whatever he says next is extremely important.

YOU – You turn around slowly, fidgeting with your fingers nervously. You don’t dare to look at the lieutenant, and instead gaze everywhere around him. “Y-yeah?” you ask, your voice shaking and weak.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - Silence. Deathly silence. It sounds like the pale itself swallowed up all the noises of the world.

VISUAL CALCULUS – The lieutenant is looking down at the floor, unmoving. His posture is rigid and stiff, but not from embarrassment or out of habit this time. The fingers of his right hand are playing with the knuckles of his left hand.

KIM KITSURAGI – “I was attempting to leave.” He says. His voice is uncertain, as if he is admitting to something he never thought he would say out loud.

YOU – “Huh?”

KIM KITSURAGI – “Before I - kmh - fell … I was on my way to get my jacket and shoes so I could leave.” he admits and leans down against the sofa, resting his head back and letting his eyes gaze at the ceiling. “You do not need to point out how idiotic that was, I am painfully aware.”

EMPATHY [medium:success] – He is calm, but there is a hint of fear in his voice. This is not a conversation he is comfortable having.

YOU – “Leave? But Jean said – you can’t – how were you going to -?” You attempt to ask all the questions flooding your mind at the same time, ending up only blurting out half-finished sentences.

LOGIC – Leave, why? Jean said you need to take the next few days off to rest, why were you going to leave? How were you going to get anywhere without your glasses?

HALF LIGHT – Anything to get away from you. You have trapped him here and can-opened his mind without consent. You freak.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant lets out a faint exhale; a chuckle. “Embarrassingly, I did not think that far. It seems you have completely scrambled my brain, Detective.”

LOGIC [trivial:failure] – The concussion did cause brain damage, after all!

YOU – “I’m – oh god – I’m sorry! I’ll call someone right away to take you to the Lazareth!” You panic and start limping towards the phone like your life depends on it.

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant’s head shoots up and a deep confused frown falls on his face once more. “What? No – Harry!” He groans.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – Your body stops at the words. Your name on his lips freezes your entire existence with ease.

AUTHORITY [legendary:failure] - His words should not affect you like this. You outrank him in everything!

KIM KITSURAGI – He sighs and pats the empty couch space next to him.

INLAND EMPIRE [easy:success] – A silent invite into his personal space.

YOU – Somehow you manage to stumble your way next to the lieutenant, without causing more bodily harm for yourself or him. You lower yourself next to him hesitantly.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – The couch sinks under your weight, moving the lieutenant slightly closer to you.

EMPATHY – Are you blushing?

KIM KITSURAGI – The lieutenant is silent, once again gently rubbing his knuckles. There is a determined look on his face, as if he is preparing for something.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY  – He is planning to eat you out.

LOGIC – I believe you mean ‘chew you out.’

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - I said what I said.

KIM KITSURAGI - Finally, after what feels like an eternity of silence, he starts talking; “When I was around seven years old, fellow boys at the orphanage invented this new game …'' His fingers form bitter air quotes around the word. “The game consisted of stealing my eyeglasses and finding increasingly humiliating ways for me to get them back.”

YOU – You listen quietly, for once all your attention focused on a single point; his words.You feel that this is important.

VOLITION - It is. You get a distinct feeling that only one person has heard this story before you.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - On a lonely graveyard in Revachol, a decorated grave sits silently in a row of identical crosses. Dying flowers are keeping the headstone company, both slowly disappearing under the falling snow.

KIM KITSURAGI – “That was the first time in my life when I realized that I was being treated differently because of the way I was.” His eyes focus nowhere, lost in the memories he is reliving. “Initially I did the logical thing and told the orphanage employees what was going on, but they only scolded me for acting out. I do not blame them, it could not have been easy taking care of so many children.”

EMPATHY - Despite the mistreatment he suffered by the orphanage employees, Kim does not carry a grudge. He knows they were doing their best, even if it wasn’t enough.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant continues. “So, left to fend for myself, I decided to try and stand my ground next time I was being tormented.”

SHIVERS – Young Kim, wearing brown hand-me-down overalls covered in mud, falls to his hands and knees as his legs give out under the kick. Immediate laughter surrounds him as the rest of the orphans come to ridicule him. His glasses fall off his nose and land on the ground. “Seolite binoclard down! ” one of the kids cheers and dances around Kim.

Biting his lower lip and swallowing down his tears, Kim can only watch as the boys snatch his glasses and fight over them like a toy.

Instead of running away in tears or begging the other children to not break his glasses, young Kim squeezes his fists into tight balls and uses all of his childlike will to stop the tears from rolling. Slowly, he stands up and simply stands there. The excited grins fall from the children’s faces and are replaced by disappointed frowns at the realization that they are not going to get the desired reaction out of him.

The silence lingers and Kim refuses to let up. 

“Boring.” one of the kids groans. That’s all the rest need to hear before they decide Kim is no longer interesting to bully, and rush off to the sandpit instead. Kim’s glasses are hastily tossed to the side.

YOU - You shake off Kim’s memory. You want to say something, comment on what you just saw, but the tension is still high in the air. Kim is not done talking.

KIM KITSURAGI - “That is just how the world works, it’s cruel sometimes. You can choose to let it beat you down or give fighting back your best shot” The lieutenant continues. 

VOLITION - Kim has always had to work twice as hard for things than the rest of us. He has never experienced many of the things you have taken for granted.

YOU - Like what?

VOLITION - Like a stable home. A pair of loving parents. Safety. Unbreakable friendship.

HALF LIGHT - The lieutenant spent his childhood in a racist orphanage processing the death of his parents. You spent your childhood getting spoiled by your mother and praised by your father. 
Oh, and how about this; You got promoted faster than anyone else in the precincts history, while he was stuck 15 years in Juvie simply because he looked different. 
The lieutenant has also never been able to safely express his love publicly or date anyone without intense steps to hide it from the world. You? Well, you have very loudly and openly fucked random women from the streets with a shocking lack of shame whenever you felt like it.
But it gets better! He had no one looking out for him because the only person he ever trusted literally died in his arms, while you were pissing away your career on drugs and alcohol, and Jean had to fix your messes to the point where his brain literally broke! What a superstar you are!

YOU - Suddenly you are overtaken by a crushing wave of guilt. You had everything. You were blessed with stability and opportunities that the less fortunate can only dream of. And what did you do with it all? You spent years slowly killing yourself and everyone around you, because a woman you loved left you and it was the worst thing that had ever happened to you.

PAIN THRESHOLD - Your heart hurts. It physically hurts. You might be having a heart attack.

COMPOSURE [heroic:success] - You take a slow deep breath through your nose and exhale through your mouth. This is not a time for a self-pity induced panic attack, keep it together!

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant hears your sudden change in breathing but doesn’t react to it. Instead, he continues; “Unsurprisingly, many children from my orphanage ended up living a life of crime. I suppose I wanted to distance myself as far away from a similar fate as possible …”

LOGIC - So he became an officer.

KIM KITSURAGI - “I never took it as anything else but a simple fact of life when my personal affairs or career were affected by my features or … sexuality.” There is a slight pause before he dares to finish his sentence.

EMPATHY - A small part of him is afraid you will turn this into one of your homo-sexual jokes. He wanted to use another word instead of ‘sexuality’, but decided to trust you. Do not take his trust for granted and turn this into a joke.

COMPOSURE [trivial:success] - With no effort at all, you keep your expression neutral and your gaze kind. You will be the first to make a joke about sucking dick or fucking men whenever the opportunity rises, but not a single cell in your disgusting body wanted to do that right now.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [medium:success] - A hint of tension escapes the lieutenant’s body. He is relieved.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant feels comfortable to keep going; “Each person chooses their method of navigating hardships in life. Some find comfort from religion. Many unfortunately choose violence to navigate their obstacles …” He allows the end of his sentence to simmer out like a forgotten cigarette.

VOLITION - He did not bring up the most obvious coping mechanism; drugs and alcohol. He does not want to make you feel bad.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Did someone say drugs and alcohol?

EMPATHY - You feel appreciated …

AUTHORITY - And pathetic.

KIM KITSURAGI - Against the usual dynamic between you two, the lieutenant keeps the monologue going without expecting you to butt in with your random comments. His gaze is now fixated on the ceiling, stargazing imaginary stars he cannot see. “So, I suppose I am telling you all this to say … you are right, Detective.” The lieutenant says and turns to you.

“I chose to build up walls. That is my way of surviving.”

YOU - This feels like an intimate confession. Like something reserved for only the dearest and most trusted people in the lieutenant's life. 

SUGGESTION - That’s because it is.

YOU - Then why is he telling me all this?

LOGIC [easy:failure] - Because you asked.

RHETORIC [formidable:success] - It's called controlling the narrative. You went against his wishes and broke the dam, there is no putting that water back in. All he can do now is to control the flow.

KIM KITSURAGI - There is a faintest hint of a sad smile on the lieutenant’s face. He rubs the back of his head and turns his gaze away to safety, away from your all-knowing deep green eyes.
“The way I see it; no-one has room to criticize me for unrelated personal factors as long as I do my job well and function as a productive member of society. My vision, however … it is not something I can simply overcome with hard work. It is an unfortunate fact that cannot be changed by anything.”  His fingers creep against the bridge of his nose, trying to push up the ghostly frames of his glasses out of muscle memory.  “So yes, I do feel quite uncomfortable and exposed without them.”

EMPATHY - He feels scared and useless.

YOUR APARTMENT - The air in your apartment suddenly feels lighter. Part of the lingering tension has faded and been replaced by comfort and relief.

INLAND EMPIRE - He is not done talking. If you open the correct doors, he will walk you through them.

YOU - Your always running mouth is still clasp shut. You have absolutely no idea what you should say. Words have never been your strongest suit, and the current situation feels so fragile. Like a single wrong word could shatter everything you and the lieutenant have built between you two.
“So … that’s why you wanted to - uh - leave?” You force out quietly. Your eyes gaze over the lieutenant but duck away in fear almost immediately.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant lets out a quick exhale, his version of an audible laugh. “Yes. That was quite embarrassing of me. I am not … I am not used to - this.” he admits and gestures vaguely towards the entirety of your apartment. “Navigating unfamiliar surroundings I cannot see and being doted on like a child. It’s all … it’s not me.”

AUTHORITY - It’s not who I want people to see me as.

VOLITION - This is a major admission, Harry. You tore down the lieutenant’s walls uninvited and he still let you in. I hope you understand that.

EMPATHY - You exposed his guarded, wounded core to the unforgiving world, and instead of pushing you out like everyone else, he took your hand and guided you in. Only one person has been allowed to reverse these lands before you, and the lieutenant had to watch him die in his arms.

DRAMA - The sky could be falling down on you both and it would matter less than the words the lieutenant has just spoken.

COMPOSURE [impossible:failure] - You don’t even have time to fight it, tears are rolling down your cheeks. You don’t deserve his trust, you don’t deserve to hear these words. Kim deserves everything in this world, he has fought through a life of unfair obstacles and endless scrutiny while you were busy pissing away your privileges!And yet, for some reason here he is, opening up his heart for a complete fuck up like you. You feel so unworthy of his trust.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Detective?” The lieutenant’s tone is confused and slightly concerned. He took a rare leap of fate with the expectation of gaining nothing but regret, so the list of reactions he was prepared for was short. You becoming a crying, hiccuping mess was not one of them.

COMPOSURE [impossible:failure] - Your tears keep rolling without an end in sight. You cover your face behind your arms in shame.

YOU - “Fuck - I’m sorry - I -” You try to somehow save the situation but the words die in your throat. “I didn’t - I - they said to be - be honest a-and -” 

VOLITION - Harry, breathe, or you are going to have a panic attack.

YOU - Your thoughts and emotions are swirling violently in your head, making you dizzy. Like a confusing mixture of pain, love, and sorrow all racing against each other to overpower you with their chosen emotion. Your heart aches for everything Kim has gone through, while your guilt is pulling you under into an early grave which you deserve to rot in. 

VOLITION - Harry, you need to calm down.

PAIN THRESHOLD - You take a quick gasping breath in and swallow it down. It hurts your throat and chest but you fight it.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Detective? Are you okay?” The lieutenant asks and hesitantly reaches his hand out.

VISUAL CALCULUS - His hand moves slow, unsure. He cannot tell how far away from him you really are. You are a blurry mess without features, mixed in with the colors of your apartment like a soaking wet painting, slowly blending together into a mess of colorful shapes.

YOU - With utter desperation, you reach out and grab the lieutenant’s hand for comfort. You need to feel him. 
Your grip is tight, begging even. “Kim - “ You rasp and plant your forehead against his knuckles, letting yourself melt into his touch.
It feels so real, so grounded. He is here, right next to you, and he will never leave.

HALF LIGHT - Yes he will. You are not worthy of love, Harry.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn't fully grasp what is going on inside that wild mind of yours, but he can tell that you need this. So for the second time today, he allows you to selfishly take what's not yours, and lets you keep holding his hand.

EMPATHY [formidable:success] - There is a part of him that also wants this. Deep down, a part of him pushed far away, is yearning for this too.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your heart is banging against your ribs like a prisoner beating the bars of his cell. Your throat feels dry and slim as a straw. 

YOU - “I'm sorry Kim … I - I broke your glasses, hurt you, a-and made you feel weak. I just - fuck - I didn't mean it! My head is a mess and I don't know - they're saying I made you do this, that you're just controlling the - the flow now - !”

INLAND EMPIRE - Nothing you say is making sense. Your words are meaningless to anyone outside your head.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is silent but his hand stays relaxed in your shaky grip. He has witnessed multiple of your panic attacks and always approaches them with his usual calm and practical thinking.
“Detective? … Can you hear me?” He asks.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [challenging:success] - There is a hint of comfort in his voice, replacing the usual seriousness you are so used to during your episodes.

YOU - You whimper and nod weakly. Your forehead stays glued to his knuckles; your lifeline. It feels like your very soul will die if he lets go.

KIM KITSURAGI - “It feels like we are having two different conversations at the moment. Take deep breaths for me and try again.” The lieutenant instructs.

RHETORIC - Always so practical.

PAIN THRESHOLD [difficult:failure] - You take a deep painful breath and your body immediately tries to fight it. It hurts, your lungs are begging for more air they don't need.

KIM KITSURAGI - Following your breaths with his hearing alone, the lieutenant keeps you in rhythm; “and now out…” His other hand has found its way on your shoulder.

ENDURANCE [difficult:success] - With the lieutenant’s help, you are able to slowly steady your breath. The sea of anxious thoughts steadies in your mind, making room for clearer skies.

EMPATHY - Nobody else has this effect on you.

VOLITION - And nobody else ever will, Harry. He is special.

YOU - You finally let go of the lieutenant's hand and rush to wipe your embarrassingly wet face. “Um - thank you … and sorry.” you sniff.

KIM KITSURAGI - “You're welcome … whenever you are able to, I would like to hear what you wanted to say.” The lieutenant hums and sits back up, leaving your personal space.

SUGGESTION - You immediately miss it. You need him in your space, always. It's where he belongs.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You take a deep breath to study yourself and to collect your thoughts.

VOLITION - Stay calm and honest. He may not understand the way your mind works, but he trusts you fully.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Some alcohol would loosen you up and make this a lot easier!

YOU - “Umh… I guess I never … fully realized how strongly you feel about your vision.” You start while fiddling with the fluffy edge of a decorative pillow. “Y-you're so amazing, Kim, so … I never thought anything about you as a flaw. So I didn't think you did … either.”

VOLITION - You are doing good, keep going.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is now fully facing you. His gaze is still hazy and unsure, looking for a spot to focus on your blurry face.

YOU - “So I… I was selfish and just laid your - your emotions bare without thinking. A-and then you were forced to share these things with me be-because I already accidentally can-opened it all out of you.” You are breathing faster again as the words are forcing themselves out of your mouth. You feel unable to stop once you have started.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [easy:failure] - You slick your hair back but it all falls down again, framing your face like a protective shell.

YOU - “I just got scared that I fucked up … that I hurt you. You - fuck, Kim, you have gone through more than anyone I know.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS [formidable:success] - Satellite officer Vicquemare finishes his cigarette and tosses it on the ground followed by a deep sigh. He gives the quiet Precinct building a spiteful look and blows out the last of the smoke he was savoring in his lungs. 
He is so exhausted. His entire being is exhausted to his very soul. It’s the type of exhaustion that can never be fixed by sleeping or resting. Nothing he does will grant him relief, it’s an eternal mental hell caused by years of thankless work for someone who cannot even recognize him anymore.

EMPATHY - Someday. Someday you will have a talk with Jean too, when he is ready.

YOU - “You are so strong a-and so good at your job! I just thought - you know - I could cheer you up maybe by telling you that - uh - that I know how you feel and you don’t need to pretend to be okay around me. But it - I - I fucked up. I made you open up when you weren’t ready.” You blurt out the last of your word spaghetti.

VOLITION - That could have gone worse, I’m proud of you Harry.

RHETORIC - Less stuttering might have made your sentence more cohesive, but the lieutenant is fluent in your endless rambling language. He understands.

COMPOSURE [medium:success] - You are able to steady your breath again before it gets away from you. You are in control again.

PAIN THRESHOLD - You notice that your fingers hurt. You have been picking on them nervously the entire time you were speaking. Thin stripes of flesh have been ripped off near your nails and you notice a few of the wounds are beginning to bleed. It offered temporary satisfaction in the moment, but you are left feeling uncomfortable at the stinging pain in your fingertips.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant shifts on the couch. He turns away from you.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - He lifts one of his legs on the couch and wraps his arms around it, bundling himself up to a comfortable ball. He rests his chin against his propped up knee and sighs.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You could never do that, you aren’t nearly flexible enough. Attempting such a simple move would dislocate your hips and put you to a hospital bed for weeks.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Just imagine how his flexibility could be utilized in the bedroom!

VOLITION - Not an appropriate time, the lieutenant is about to say something. Also, that is a very standard way of sitting, are your hips okay, Harry?

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - They really aren’t. You have old-man hips.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant keeps his unfocused eyes gazed towards the floor. He seems lost in thought, something you are usually known for. “Harry …” He sighs. “I don’t have the slightest idea what to do with you.” The lieutenant says and lets out an exhausted faint chuckle.

YOU - “I … what?” 

KIM KITSURAGI - “Your ability to see things in people … read their every move … it’s quite remarkable and makes you an incredible detective.” the lieutenant continues, a look of admiration crossing over his otherwise stoick face when mentioning your career.
“But it makes our personal relationship outside work … challenging, to me.”

DRAMA - You freak me out, sir. Your supra-natural abilities are frightening me.

HALF LIGHT - She hated this about you too, remember? Your inability to turn off your can-opening and way of thinking outside work. Bombarding her with endless questions to figure out her thoughts. 

YOU - Your grip around the decorative pillow turns stronger. You can’t hear this again. This is how it all started going downhill last time too.

KIM KITSURAGI - “You are able to bring out sides of me that I had almost forgotten. Sides of me that I had buried away for the sake of professionalism.” The lieutenant keeps talking calmly. “Having them pulled out to the surface with such ease and … recklessness …” there is a hint of amusement in his voice at the word. 

SAVOIR FAIRE - Reckless. That is what you are, a reckless disco-powered bulldozer without breaks. Instead of thinking about consequences or possible outcomes, you roll a mental dice and do whatever the fuck you want. It helped you save the lieutenant’s life today but it has also left you in a lot of trouble before. And I mean a lot.

YOU - “Kim I’m -”

KIM KITSURAGI - He isn’t done talking. With ease - and slight satisfaction for getting you back for cutting him off earlier - he continues; “I find it … quite unpleasant and uncomfortable on occasion. But …”

EMPATHY - And this is an important but.

KIM KITSURAGI - “A part of me enjoys it greatly.”

LOGIC [heroic:success] - Kim Kitsuragi is an incredibly repressed man. He has not tipped his toes in the homo-sexual underground dating pool in years. One night stands are risky, so he saves them only for very rare occasions when his desperation gets the better of him.

EMPATHY [heroic:success] - He is also extremely emotionally repressed. Being wanted, loved, and desired is not something he is used to, but secretly longs for greatly. He desires it more than sex and physical touch, he yearns for it to the point it has become a deep seated source of shame.

SUGGESTION [formidable:success] - Your can-opening and honesty make him feel cared for, Harry. Your want to know more about him, learn every tiny fact, and respond to his emotional needs correctly is satisfying an empty void inside of him.

YOU - “Oh? … Oh!”

KIM KITSURAGI - Another hint of amusement in his eyes when he glances towards you. Your ridiculously easy to read expressions are a great source of entertainment for the lieutenant. He never knows what to expect, much like when flicking through radio channels during long rides on the road.
Even without being able to see your face, he can imagine the slideshow of expressions on your face.

YOU - “O-okay … uh … so what is the problem, then?” You ask honestly and aim a confused smile at the lieutenant. He said he enjoys it, right? So he is not mad?

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant’s amusement fades and his brows furrow in discomfort. He curls up tighter around himself. “Perhaps … It's time for another thought project, Detective. I believe this should be a rather simple one.”

EMPATHY - He cannot bring himself to say the words. He is asking you to can-open them out of him.

VOLITION - A surprising turn of events.

LOGIC - Quite expected, honestly. The man just said he enjoys what you do.

AUTHORITY - Mangle his brain and force his secrets out! A lower ranking officer should never be keeping anything from you!

RHETORIC [easy:success] - This one is quite self-explanatory indeed. The lieutenant confessed that while he finds your abilities unnerving at times, he mostly enjoys when you use them on him and fish out pieces of information. This is something he would absolutely not allow anyone else to do.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [trivial:success] - He also respects you as a detective. Your methods of working are often odd, ridiculous, sometimes useless, and unethical at times. Despite all of this, the man looks up to you and treats you as his superior.

AUTHORITY - As he should.

YOU - I know all of this already, how am I supposed to use this information? Is there a connection?

HALF LIGHT [trivial:success] - You are also a washed up recovering alcoholic with a past drug problem. You are fat, look much older than you should, and your disco style has not been in fashion since - well - ever, really. You drank away your memories and every person who has ever known you hates your guts.

YOU - Thank you for the reminder … is this relevant or did you just want to hurt me?

VOLITION [formidable:success] - For once the comments are actually relevant to the investigation. While you do have multiple traits that most people perceive as negative, the lieutenant has never done so. He has never seen you as the past Harry so many people have told you about, and instead has focused on getting to know the current you.

YOU - And that’s what makes Kim the best!

ENCYCLOPEDIA [trivial:success] - Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi is a homosexual. This means he is attracted to people who perceive themselves as male.

YOU - I know? None of this is new information, what am I supposed to - 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [medium:success] - He finds your ability to run endlessly around the Jamrock streets immensely impressive. He has also brought up your bicep girth on more than one occasion.

INLAND EMPIRE [godly:success]- At his precinct desk, a bright orange pen sits in his pen holder; a welcome gift from you when he first transferred to your precinct. It reminded you of his bomber jacket so you decided to buy it for him.
A few weeks later you had found a matching green pen placed neatly in the middle of your desk. When you asked the lieutenant about it, he kept his eyes on his paperwork and simply stated; “It goes well with orange.”

CONCEPTUALIZATION [medium:success] - Paperwork he had been filling with his orange pen instead of his usual one.

YOU - Your mind is swirling, you have no idea how to connect these thoughts. They all seem irrelevant to each other, pieces of a puzzle with no corners to start with.

LOGIC - [legendary:failure] - The lieutenant has homosexual feelings for you.

YOU - W-what?!

VOLITION - That’s not quite it.

LOGIC - [legendary:failure] - The lieutenant has homosexual feelings for you and it makes him sad.

YOU - You want to cry.

VOLITION - No, no. There is more. Think, Harry.

LOGIC [legendary:success] - The lieutenant has homosexual feelings for you, and he is under the impression that you are a heterosexual and never going to respond with feelings of your own.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [challenging:success] - The lieutenant wants your pathetic ass. He actually wants you - no - he lusts after your body. He desires to squeeze your non-existing ass and lick your fat belly.

SUGGESTION - Is it finally time to address the topic of your sexuality?

YOU - Uh no I - but - what - I  - I don’t know -

VOLITION - You are a man with no past. Who you used to be will forever remain a mystery to you and a source of trauma for others. It is something that will certainly be a great burden on your already heavy shoulders for years to come, but it also offers you a new chance in life. 
You do not know the old Harry Du Bois, you never will. It is time to keep working on what truly matters; the current Harry Du Bois.

SUGGESTION - It is possible that the old Harry was only attracted to women. But it’s also possible that the curiosity to explore further was always there, chained deep down with hatred and various forms of self-harm.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [medium:success] - Bisexual is a term used to describe a person who experiences emotional, romantic and/or sexual attractions to more than one sex or gender.

YOU - There is a term for that?

RHETORIC - Yes there is. Bisexuality is very common in the homosexual underground, and the usage of the term is only rising in popularity.

YOU - Am I … Is that … me?

SUGGESTION - You are what you make of yourself, Harry. 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Each morning as you ascend the Precinct stairs towards your office, you find your steps increasing in speed. Your big clumsy body is physically pulling you towards the office where the lieutenant is already hard at work. When your eyes meet for a brief moment as you exchange greetings, it makes your chest feel bubbly and your heart beats in double speed.

COMPOSURE - Whenever you catch him smiling at your odd antics, you cannot subdue the grin that takes over your face. When he reaches out to tidy up your always messy hair before a performance review, your shoulders relax noticeably and your entire body gets lighter. You cannot stop the sigh of pure relief that escapes from your mouth at his touch.

EMPATHY - In your lonely moments of weakness, your first instinct is to reach for your phone and call the lieutenant. You know he will pause whatever he is doing and prioritize you. You know he will sit with you on the phone, listening, asking careful questions, and offering practical advice until the worst has passed. You know he will not accept your apologies once guilt takes over your mind and you find yourself profusely apologizing for ruining his day. You know he will end the call with a shy smile on his face. You know all of this because you trust him fully.

ENDURANCE - The man pushes you to be better. He does this because he can see the infinite potential in you, even when insecurities and past mistakes have blinded you from seeing it yourself.

INLAND EMPIRE - He is the only one able to calm the mess inside your head. His presence is like a guiding light you follow in the storm of your mind, a bright halo that will lead you to safety through everything the universe throws at you.

AUTHORITY - Lieutenant Kitsuragi has unfathomable respect for you, lieutenant double-yefreitor. Pride swells in his chest at the mention of you two being work partners, and he makes sure you are given the respect you deserve.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - The lieutenant is also hot. You find him very attractive, Harry-boy. You love that slim waist of his and how his puffy jacket makes him look even leaner. His strong nose and piercing eyes make your cheeks warm whenever you sneak a look. Oh, and how about those arms, huh? So skinny yet so strong, able to manhandle a big guy like you if the moment calls for it, yet also the perfect size to be held down with only one of your hands.

LOGIC - You compliment each other. His practical and plan-orientated approach to life keeps you from sliding off the rails, while your eccentric ways and utterly ridiculous mind encourage him to let loose sometimes. It’s a comfortable balance that brings out the best in both of you.

VOLITION - Harry.

YOU - I know.

VOLITION - You love him.

YOU - I know.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is sitting still, waiting patiently. He is accustomed to your thought projects by now, and is able to easily observe when you are going through one, or have brought one to its conclusion. 

REACTION SPEED - Like right now.

KIM KITSURAGI - Your spaced out look and endlessly switching expressions, as if your emotions were visibly arguing with the thoughts in your head, don’t confuse him anymore. The lieutenant has accepted that he will never fully understand what happens in your brain during these moments, but the results have convinced him that, although extremely unusual, your ways of working produce results.

AUTHORITY - And lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi is all about results.

VOLITION - Maybe you should share the results of your concluded thought project with him now.

YOU - Your vision focuses back on Kim. 

EMPATHY - Kim.

RHETORIC - You do your best to call him lieutenant instead of Kim. It’s a sign of respect and something you know he prefers to be called. But since the very moment you two shook hands at the entrance of Whirling-In-Rags, you have felt so deeply connected to the man that calling him by any other than his first name has felt wrong.

YOU - “Kim - I - “

KIM KITSURAGI - “Detective.” The lieutenant cuts you off gently. His demeanor is calmer and more composed; the lieutenant is back in control.
“Before you speak your mind, I would like to make something clear, if that is okay.” His eyes lock with yours, his usual sharp look piercing through you again.

AUTHORITY - He may not be able to see you clearly, but his mighty presence is able to locate your very soul with ease.

KIM KITSURAGI - “I understand harboring personal feelings such as this is … highly unprofessional.”

EMPATHY [formidable:success] - There is a hint of regret in his voice. He doesn’t regret having this talk with you, but he is nervous how it will affect your careers; your professional partnership. Being able to work by your side means the world to him.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The practical side of your work relationship is also weighing on his mind. As partners in law, there is no room for distractions between the two of you. 
You need to be able to think as one, move as one, and communicate fluently without any misunderstandings between each other. It’s essential that you are a single mind between two bodies working as one fluent crime-solving machine. His selfish one-sided homosexual emotions put that entire operation at risk.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant continues through his inner turmoil; “I want to assure you that I would not have shared such information if I had any other options.” A deep sigh, full of uncertainty. “As I am sure you were able to deduct, my emotions towards you go further than is … acceptable.” His gaze softens and wanders away from your face. He can't subdue the obvious disappointment contorting his face into a deep frown. 

EMPATHY - His overwhelming homosexual feelings towards you disappoint him, his inability to control them makes him cringe, but most of all, the painful reality that you will never reciprocate his love impacts him the most.

KIM KITSURAGI - “But it is for the best to discuss the facts now, since everything has been laid down bare. It would have been a matter of time before this issue would have also been brought up.”
The lieutenant is keeping his tone professional and calm. He handles difficult emotional situations like just another case needing to be resolved. It’s the only way he knows how to navigate his emotions; as problems that need solving so they can be concluded and filed away forever. 

LOGIC - Rejecting himself first on his own accord hurts less.

KIM KITSURAGI  - “As I mentioned, it will likely be a couple of weeks before I am able to acquire a new pair of eyeglasses and return to work. If you wish to do so - and I fully understand your decision, detective - you have ample time to file in the paperwork for a partner change. This sh-”

REACTION SPEED [godly:success]  - Time stops. The entirety of the universe freezes.
You are no longer a man controlled by your thoughts, but an entity bursting with overpowering needs and wants, completely led by your emotions. You lean forward in what feels like slow motion. The lieutenant’s gaze is down but your sudden movement prompts him to look up, locking eyes with you once more. 

EMPATHY [formidable:success] - A flash of fear.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION - Your big hand makes its home on the lieutenant’s bare shoulder, reassuring him. The touch is electric, sending pulsating energy through your entire body.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant doesn't pull away.

SAVOIR FAIRE [impossible:success] - you kiss him.

INLAND EMPIRE - Suddenly, everything in the world feels right. This very moment, this very place, with this very person; it’s all correct. Every struggle you have gone through in your past life has been worth it; mere trials you had to survive to be granted this second of utter bliss.
You would do it all again if it meant this moment never ended.

SHIVERS - Outside across the city, leaning against an old run down concrete building, a young man is nervously waiting for his date. Snow is falling gently on his slim frame, slowly covering him in a protective blanket. The streets are empty in the area this late, exactly as he had planned. Suddenly, a figure approaches; another man, slightly taller than him, walking with unsure steps. His hands are hidden in his pockets and the only thing lighting up his features is a lone cigarette hanging between his lips.
The two men stare at each other, neither of them brave enough to speak.
What if this is a trap? A set up?
Slowly, the man leaning against the building stands up and approaches. His hand reaches out in a silent plea. There is a breath of uncertain silence.
The taller man shyly takes out his hand from his pocket and allows himself to be held. Soon, in the safety of the darkness, the two men share their very first kiss.
At this moment, everything in the world feels right.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your kiss is careful and questioning. Despite the uncertainty, the way his lips slot against yours feels right. Your fluffy facial hair gets squished between your faces and scratches against the lieutenant’s lips and cheeks. It must tickle, you think.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Fucking stick your tongue inside his mouth, taste all of him!

VOLITION - Do not do that.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant’s eyes are wide open in what you can only presume to be shock. They seem to be staring right through you, focused on something else.

PERCEPTION (TOUCH) - Your hand is trembling on his tense shoulder.

KIM KITSURAGI - Slowly, after what feels like an agonizing eternity, the lieutenant closes his eyes and surrenders. His whole presence seems to all relax at once; His shoulders rest down, his facial expressions soften, and a deep sigh escapes through his nose.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You carefully give his shoulder a gentle squeeze, thanking him for accepting your physical touch. There is something so wrong about your abused grotesque body touching the lieutenant’s fine tuned one. Everything about his physical appearance has been carefully crafted and tended for over the years with the same care he gives to his Kineema. Your body, on the other hand, is like a devastating car crash that shouldn’t have left any survivors. You don’t deserve his affection.

VOLITION - Yes you do. The lieutenant's eyes are not clouded by the same self judgment as yours are. Please don’t put thoughts in his head, he will not appreciate it.

KIM KITSURAGI - With a shaky breath, the lieutenant pulls back. He doesn’t go far, your noses are still touching. The fear is gone from his eyes but there is still a layer of uncertainty left, obvious to you as he looks deep into your eyes and allows his gaze to linger.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - The lieutenant’s ears are tinted red; he is blushing. Back during your impromptu karaoke show at the Whirling-In-Rags, It had been a wonderfully adorable realization that the lieutenant was only capable of blushing in his ears. Seeing that faint glow of red in plain sight as he turned his head away in embarrassment had made your knees buckle. You have chased that feeling ever since.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Speed, meth, cocaine, alcohol - no high matches what you are currently experiencing. Your entire body is electrified, excited tingles running through your every cell. You may be an old fat man but this kiss has you feeling younger and lighter than you have felt in years.

YOU - You are breathing in the lieutenant’s heavy breaths, your lips so tantalizingly close to his, tempting you to go for another kiss. But you wait.

EMPATHY - You don’t want to overstep. The lieutenant has yet to speak or move. You posed the question, now it's time to wait for his answer.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Harrier.” The lieutenant breaks the tender silence with a whisper. He leans back hesitantly, the fear of letting go of this moment making him move slowly. The lieutenant doesn’t dare to believe this is real. Dreams do not come true for someone like him, they burn up in bitter flames and disappear forever. Once he lets go of you, this dream will crumble just like his previous ones.

The air force. 

Promotion. 

Eyes. 

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [medium:failure] - You are unable to read his tone. It’s still as composed as ever, but with a layer of something completely new you have never heard before. His voice is husky from an unknown emotion.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Suddenly, you feel a warm hand covering yours on his shoulder. 

KIM KITSURAGI - “I was under the impression that you …” the lieutenant starts but his sentence dies out. Both of you know what he means, there is no need to finish the sentence. So he doesn’t.

SUGGESTION [trivial:success] - He is confused by your decision to kiss him. Uncertainty about your true intentions are fighting back the dopamine currently flooding into his brain.

CONCEPTUALIZATION - Looking on the outside, you are a walking underground stereotype. Your outrageous outfits bend gender norms on a mild day and cause onlookers to question their sexuality on the worst days. You are the perfect fit for the underground; a disco monster wearing every color of the rainbow, a man completely oblivious to the concept of gendered clothing, a lover interested in hearts instead of physical attributes.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - You do fuck with both pussy and dick, though. 

LOGIC - Despite all of this and your 8-hour sexuality thought project in Martinaise, you have never presented yourself to be anything else than a heterosexual man.

VOLITION - Even in the face of his deepest desires becoming a reality, the lieutenant keeps his head cool. His thoughts organize themselves in an order of importance on imaginary lines inside his mind’s notebook. 

INLAND EMPIRE - Number 1. Are the intentions behind the Detective's actions honest and real?

YOU - “I - umh - me too? Until - uh - until … a while ago … like … just now?” You chuckle with a crooked smile on your alarmingly warming face. Your hand draws away from the lieutenant’s shoulder and reaches to scratch your mane nervously. 

COMPOSURE [medium:failure] - The urge to over-explain takes over again.

YOU - “I think I may have been … curious … about - uuh - things before I lost my memory.” You mutter. It would certainly explain your initial obsession with Kim’s sexuality. 

HALF LIGHT - A way to dig deeper under the guise of curiosity, while keeping your fragile masculinity intact.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [trivial:easy] - Being a homosexual does not make a man less masculine. This is a stereotype born from the belief that women are weaker than men, and forcing that belief onto certain homosexual men because they are seen as the ‘woman’ of the relationship.

YOU - The idea enrages you because you are a feminist.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is listening carefully. His full attention is unapologetically on you. The shame of his bad eyesight and unusual situation pushed back in his mind.
His mental notebook has only one line on it and it’s you. “Is that so … what prompted this realization?”

SUGGESTION - Keep going. Emotional connection is just as important as physical one.

YOU - “All the pieces just kind of - uh - clicked together when I realized that I really wanted to kiss you.” You admit and feel your blush creeping lower on your neck.

SUGGESTION - Perhaps you should explain those pieces to him, as well. You opened up his heart, it’s only fair you do the same. It’s time to do some can-opening of your own.

COMPOSURE [challenging:success] - You take a deep breath to slow down your racing heart. Your hands curl into fists, resting against your thighs. You can do this, Kim understands. He wants you to tell him this. You are doing this for him.

YOU - “Initially I thought maybe it was just the fact that I had … forgotten everything and everyone else. You were my support pillar in Martinaise and afterwards. So - uh - I thought naturally I would feel closer to you than anyone else.” You begin and seek the lieutenant’s eyes for approval.

DRAMA - You tend to do that often.

KIM KITSURAGI - Kim nods, this line of thinking has clearly crossed his mind on multiple occasions too. He stays quiet to let you continue.

YOU - “But - uh - now that my life is slowly normalizing again … I started to realize that nobody else made me feel like you do …” You feel yourself detaching from the moment. Images from Martinaise are flooding back, shifting the reality in front of your eyes. But you keep talking.

ESPRIT DE CORPS  - The lieutenant lights up his cigarette and inhales. Somehow even the way he blows out smoke is elegant and fully controlled. The lights from the inside are dancing on his features, prompting your eyes to follow their shapes like flowing waves. He looks stunningly cool.

YOU - “When I saw you smoking on the balcony in Whirling-In-Rags, I thought … I thought you looked so damn cool, Kim. And I still do. Nobody else looks that cool to me, no man or woman. Just you.”

EMPATHY - The lieutenant sits sideways on a swing next to you. His unique position intrigues you, it’s not what you expected from someone who seems to do everything by the book. Even without your memory, you know that is not the normal way to sit on a swing. His face seems neutral as he gazes at the slowly sinking vehicle trapped in ice, but something about his expression is almost … solemn. Like he knows something you don’t.

YOU - “When we found my motor carriage you … you didn’t mock me. You didn’t ridicule me. Kim - that car was over 40,000 réal and I single-handedly took that money and wiped my drunk ass with it! But you still stuck with me …”

SAVOIR FAIRE - The lieutenant’s scoff turns into a disbelieving chuckle at your words. You have issued him the ultimate challenge, and the lieutenant never backs down from a challenge. He is prepared to destroy you. “Okay, you psychopath!” he chuckles. Flicking his hair back, the lieutenant braces himself. He allows the rhythmic beat to flow through his body, tapping his finger against his thigh to infuse himself with the beat. Suddenly, he breaks into a dance next to you, his legs bouncing up and down in a manner you have never seen before. Frankly, you don’t think his moves are disco at all, but you give him a pass.

YOU - “And at the church Kim - fuck!” You laugh, still in disbelief that you were able to get him to dance. “People saying you have a stick up your ass are so wrong, you are a riot! We need to work on your moves but that’s not a problem, my brain might have forgotten how to disco but my body still remembers, I will teach you some moves!” You grin.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant is really fighting a smile now. That memory regularly plays back in his mind, often with fondness but sometimes with great embarrassment. He is glad you enjoyed it as much as he did.

INLAND EMPIRE - A mental note is added to his inner notebook; find out who thinks he has a stick up his ass.

INTERFACING - You hand Kim the tool he asked for. A metal instrument that in your opinion looks identical to five previous ones he asked you to pass over. Working on a motor vehicle doesn’t awake any muscle memory in you; you are pretty sure you have never done this before. Despite this, you are enjoying yourself greatly.
Kim is hard at work, oil and grime covering his white top and serious face. His usual put-together demeanor is long-gone, replaced by a man with a single minded focus on doing a perfect job at attaching the new helium lights to his Kineema. He looks … alarmingly good like this. His muscles are flexing as he tightens a bolt, his hair is escaping the gel slicking it back and landing on his forehead, and his brows are furrowed in deep concentration. You have never wanted to be a car more in your life.

YOU - “And - uh - then there were more questionable thoughts…” You admit with your cheeks burning red hot while gesturing your hand towards Kim’s entire presence. “When we - uh - you were attaching the new lights to the Kineema I … was struggling.”

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant lets out an amused snort at your statement. He hides his mouth loosely with the side of his fist. Your boldness always manages to shock him in the best ways possible.

LOGIC - The frown on your face is so deep it must be creating new permanent wrinkles between your brows. Multiple black and white squares are mocking you on the board, just waiting for you to embarrass yourself. The lieutenant patiently explained to you how this game, chess, works. You listened obediently, like you always do, yet now in the heat of the moment you have absolutely no idea how to proceed.The lieutenant isn’t oblivious to your distress and decides to show some mercy on you. He pulls out the rulebook and prepares to go over them again with a smile only you can see on his face.

YOU - “You didn’t have to keep spending time with me after Martenaise … after the transfer … but you did. I’m doing okay now but I’m still an amnesiac fuck-up that almost cost the Precinct their entire force.”  You let out yet another deep sigh. “Kim, the past me … I was a monster. I hated myself so much I openly directed that hatred on others. Nobody will tell me anything a-and I can’t remember, but I just have a feeling that I was … hateful towards everyone”

DRAMA [heroic:success] - Homophobic slurs feel disgustingly at home on your tongue. You get the nauseating feeling that directing them at strangers simply living their authentic life was a common habit for you. But you also feel like it did not come from a place of hatred towards them, but towards yourself. The confused desire in your soul for the handsome men in porn magazines morphed into yet another layer of self-hatred. Instead of analyzing your thoughts, you silenced them with narcotics.

YOU - “I think I was always curious … and it scared me. So I just - I ran away from them like a coward. But now that I …” 
You stall. You don’t want to say that you are a new person. You are still you, the old scars are still there. There is nothing you can do to rid yourself of your past actions, you can only accept, move on, and be better. 
“Now that I am doing better I'm able to explore these feelings. A-and after a few more thought projects I realized … I … you - well - yeah.”

KIM KITSURAGI - Your explanation seems to have calmed something in the lieutenant. His posture has relaxed slightly and his gaze lacks any remnants of uncertainty. He needed to hear all of this to make sure there was absolutely no room for confusion.

RHETORIC - Always so throughout.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - The familiar shade of red is back decorating the tips of his ears and a faint smile is trying desperately to take over his face.

EMPATHY - Your brain is completely scrambled, this time with overwhelming feelings of love and desire.

YOU - Love. Yeah, that’s it. You love this man. You love him more than anything in the entire Elysium.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Harry …” The lieutenant’s fingers inch towards your thigh against the couch. He is struggling to contain himself. “I haven’t … I have not done this in a long time.”

DRAMA - He means opening his heart up, loving someone, letting himself be loved. He never imagined he would be able to do any of it again. You are looking at a man who came to terms with dying alone long ago.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Your … way of thinking - “ he starts talking again and rolls his index finger loosely in a circle around his temple; an endearing move attempting to visualize the eternal mess inside your head. “It unsettled me at first. To be completely honest with you, I initially assumed perhaps it was a result of prolonged drug abuse or serious mental illness.”

RHETORIC - You are still very mentally ill, but not in the ways the lieutenant assumed.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [easy:success] - You have PTSD, depression, and serious anxiety.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant’s fingers are now resting on your thigh. You can feel the slight tremble of them. “But you have more than proven yourself to be an uniquely skilled detective with an unbeatable track record. Nobody can do what you do, detective. However, it was my oversight that I did not think your abilities stretched … outside work.” he lets out a nervous breath. 

EMPATHY - The way you completely saw through him today still unnerves him.

REACTION SPEED - You don’t want to interrupt the lieutenant but an urgent need to clarify yourself takes over.

YOU - “I didn’t mean to intrude!” you insist with haste, placing your big paw of a hand on top of Kim’s again. “It’s just - I can’t turn it off. The thoughts - they just keep going a-and I’m just in for the ride.” You try to explain, hoping this way he will see you less as a voyeuristic creep.

EMPATHY - The lieutenant’s eyes shine with a reassuring gaze. He already knew this but appreciates your effort.

KIM KITSURAGI - Hoping to minimize the time your thoughts have to spiral, he continues right away; “I am not used to people seeing through me with such ease. It … frightened me. Despite trusting you fully, I still assumed you would use the moment to hurt me in some way… I apologize for thinking so low of you, Detective.”

YOU - “Harry.” 

KIM KITSURAGI - “Pardon?”

YOU - “Please call me Harry. We’re not at work. We’re just a couple of homos hanging out.” You grin with pure honesty.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant can’t hold back a shocked laughter. Bright joy sparkles in his eyes. “Right. Just a couple of homos. Then please, keep calling me Kim.” he insists with an amused smile.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Kim.

EMPATHY - Kim.

RHETORIC - Kim.

PERCEPTION - Kim.

VOLITION - Kim.

YOU - Your loopy smile only widens at his words. “Okay, Kim.”

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [easy:success] - Another slight hitch of breath. The way his name dances on your lips affects him the same way it does you when he utters your name.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The lieutenant would not allow anyone else to call him Kim during work hours. You have been given an unique exception because the lieutenant can tell you treat his name as a synonym for his title.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Khm. As I was saying … in my haste to avoid being emotionally vulnerable, I got the foolish idea that perhaps it would be for the best to make my leave. Which was incredibly stupid of me.” Kim sighs deeply and rubs his forehead. He prides himself in his control and ability to always be on top of every situation, and today has made a serious dent in that pride.
“Despite what I said earlier, I am still quite unwell. Not to mention I am legally blind without my glasses…” he explains openly now. 

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - The topic still seems to make him uncomfortable, but a gentle squeeze from your hand is all that it takes for him to continue.

KIM KITSURAGI - “In fact, I have been behaving quite ridiculously all day and I would like to apologize. It was rude of me to not invite you for a smoke … I was … extremely embarrassed.”

ESPRIT DE CORPS [medium:success] - Outside your apartment, Lieutenant Kitsuragi lights up his daily smoke. He awaits until you are inside before letting out a deep sigh that turns into a pained grunt. 

Everything hurts and he wants to scream, but he won’t. Instead, he takes a deep drag of his cigarette and allows the smoke to cloud part of the pain. The warmth fills his lungs and offers temporary relief, even if barely. He wants to drag his ritual out as much as possible, but he finds himself unable to focus on enjoying it. There is only one thing on his mind right now.

The stairs to your apartment.

Something so ordinary has now turned into an obstacle of utter humiliation. As if his vision wasn’t already blurry enough without his glasses, the concussion is only making things worse. It will be a painfully slow and pitiful journey stumbling up the few steps that normally wouldn’t pose any issues.

Regrettably, the lieutenant finds his cigarette gone much faster than he would have liked. He is out of things to stall with and slowly turns to face the stairs. The bland concrete stairs are a tall blurry wall in his vision. Nothing to help indicate where a step starts or ends, just a shapeless mess he is supposed to somehow climb.

A lieutenant of the RCM. Scared of stairs.

Letting out a shaky sigh, the lieutenant takes a slow step towards the blur and hopes the bottom of his boot will connect with the first step. It does, even if a bit shakily.

Slowly, he drags his foot against the rough step until the steel toe tip stops against what he presumes is the beginning of a next step. He carefully drags his foot up against it, until it reaches the edge, and plants his boot on the next step. His fingers are going white from the death grip he has on the cold railing. 

This is how the respected lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi slowly ascends the stairs. The humiliation is almost too much, the only saving grace is the fact that you aren’t there to witness him at his lowest. Utterly helpless, struggling to even get up the stairs.

YOU - “The stairs …” you mutter and snap back to reality. “Kim - that was dangerous, I could have - ”

KIM KITSURATGI - The familiar empty look glazing over your face tells the lieutenant that somehow, without a reasonable explanation, you were able to peek behind the curtain of reality and see the events that unfolded outside your apartment door. “We don’t need to dwell on that.” he cuts you off gently but with a firm tone, letting you know he would prefer not to be viewed like that.
“I should have asked for assistance but in my embarrassment I did not. It was extremely foolish of me. As an RCM officer I should prioritize my own health so I can be of better service for the city.”

AUTHORITY - If he had gotten himself hurt worse, it would extend his time off work. Time off the streets of Jamrock to which he now belongs. His every step needs to be taken on the city concrete, his every breath must fill his lungs with the polluted city air, his every action must be done for the residents of the city. 

EMPATHY - The lieutenant is slowly shielding himself with work again. Disguising his emotions with work-related matters is a habit deeply ingrained. He finds it almost impossible to separate the two after many lonely years, and naturally slips behind his work-persona when things start getting too emotionally open.

YOU - You simply nod.

KIM KITSURAGI - “It was also very rude of me to not offer assistance with everything else you did for me today. You are also injured and it was unacceptable for me to act so stubborn. Your injury requires rest just as much as mine does.” The lieutenant sounds deeply apologetic and aims an honest look towards what he hopes are your eyes. “I am sorry for the way I have been acting today, Harry.”

YOU - “You're forgiven.” you smile brightly. While many of Elysium's mysteries still remain uncertain to you, the one thing you are absolutely sure about is that your heart has no room for negative emotions towards Kim.

VISUAL CALCULUS [medium:success] - Underneath that hard shell is a soft man working tooth and nail for others. He has his flaws, traumas, and problems, but his intentions are always pure.

KIM KITSURAGI - Kim looks taken aback. A moment of total silence passes before a smile only you can see is back on his face. 

INLAND EMPIRE - In the lieutenant’s mind, life is one long list of problems requiring solving. Everything in life has a cause, a reason, someone to blame, something to argue about. 
Completely opposite, your mind is an endlessly swirling vortex of desires, reckless ideas, curiosity, and emotions that tug and pull you through life. There is no room for reason, no interest in searching for logic, no time to jot down notes to look back on later.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - The way your brain works would be almost naive and innocent sometimes, if you weren't an ex-addict amnesiac middle aged police officer in charge of people's safety.

EMPATHY - But your way of thinking has a calming effect on the lieutenant. It reminds him that sometimes things can be that simple; Apologize, accept, forgive.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Thank you.” The lieutenant smiles faintly.

YOU - “But Kim …” You say as an inquisitive look falls on your face, invisible to the lieutenant. “You shouldn’t only care about your health when it’s related to the RCM. You should care about it because it’s your health. I care about you more than just as an officer, you know?” You insist and end your thought-provoking speech with a proud grin on your face.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - There it is again, the red flush on his ears that never quite left since you shared that kiss. Your way of firing out your honest emotions and truths at people never fails to amaze the lieutenant, and completely stun him when he is the target of your words. 

EMPATHY - Something so trivial to you means the world to him. Not a single person has ever said something so beautiful to him.

KIM KITSURAGI - In stunned silence, the lieutenant is only able to stare at you. He is soaking in the words, for once allowing himself to just feel. You care about him. Not because you are his work partner and changing partners would be a hassle, not because you work at a shithole of a Precinct and need all hands on deck, but because he is him.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - chuckle breaks the silence.

KIM KITSURAGI - “I gathered that.” Kim smiles and shakes his head in amusement.

LOGIC - [easy:failure] - You don’t know what he means. The silence lasted long enough for your brain to disconnect from the topic at hand.

KIM KITSURAGI - “What you said, about caring about me more than as an officer. I gathered that… considering officers do not usually share intimate kisses between each other. Unless I have missed an important section of the Precinct 41 handbook.” he says and aims an amused eyebrow in your general direction.

YOU - “Oh. Right.” You smirk back. “I don’t blame you, it’s quite easy to miss. It’s on a fine print right next to the section about the importance of holding hands when entering buildings. You should read up on that.”

KIM KITSURAGI - Kim tries to hide his laughter with his hand and nods.

SAVOIR FAIRE [godly:success] - Come on, do it loverboy, kiss him again!

YOU - And you do. Your lips connect again and this time you take a gentle hold of the back of Kim’s head with both of your hands. Something in your amnesiac brain tells you to tilt your head slightly.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant immediately lets out a satisfied sigh and deepens the kiss. His eyes close in bliss.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - That’s right, go in deep baby! We are gonna get it on TONIGHT!

ENDURANCE - Nobody is getting anything on today. You are both injured and require rest. Sexual intercourse would be far from pleasurable in your state, and possibly even dangerous.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Pussy, go for it! Pain is pleasure!

VOLITION - No, do not focus on pain right now. You have had more than enough of it in your life, you deserve this moment of happiness, Harry. Enjoy this kiss, really feel it. Allow it to completely consume you and forever imprint itself in your brain so not even another memory loss can erase it.

LOGIC - But do not forget that the lieutenant has just admitted that he is indeed unwell. You two have not eaten or drank anything since you returned to your apartment. It would be wise to take care of your basic needs before going back to bed. Which you should also get to, soon.

YOU - Slowly, you pull back just enough for your lips to have enough room to form words.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - It’s physically painful to be apart from the lieutenant even if the distance is just a few millimeters.

YOU - “Umh - Kim …?” 

KIM KITSURAGI - “Mm?” he hums, questioning, his face staying close.

YOU - “Don’t get me wrong, I would like to keep kissing you and touching you and - uh - anyway … shouldn’t we get some rest?”

DRAMA - A beat of silence.

KIM KITSURAGI - “We should be responsible and do just that.” The lieutenant sighs with a smile. 

CONCEPTUALIZATION [medium:success] - He did not want the moment to end. The longing in his eyes betrays him, showing just how badly he needs more.

SUGGESTION - A few kisses and shy touches are a drop of water disappearing into the empty well that is the hole in his soul. Years of repressed emotions and desires are now breaking free, and nothing will be enough.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Fuck yes, release those desires! Lets not hold back, this moment calls for meth and marathon sex!

EMPATHY [medium:success] - Wait, can you feel that? Uncertainty is creeping in. The lieutenant isn't sure what happens next between you two and doesn't know how to ask.

VOLITION - What do you want to happen next, Harry?

YOU - The question makes you stop. Life after Martinaise has been a slow, uncertain road of re-learning everything. From what money is, all the way to correctly filing confidential Precinct paperwork. Making things easier is how much your body still remembers despite your mind being completely blank.
But in the middle of it all, there has been little time to think about the future or what you want from it. You are forced to live in the present, endlessly learning new things like a newborn baby.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [godly:success] - Trying to visualize your future comes out blank at first. You can only assume that you will keep living in your current apartment, the RCM salary won’t afford you a better one. Naturally you will grow older, perhaps aging somewhat gracefully thanks to your sobriety. Dressing disco will always be part of you, so you can see yourself swinging around in your kitchen with clothing even more colorful that you have on now.

Suddenly, a hand sneaks around your belly. Well, this is a surprise. You're not alone. Another hand soon climbs up your back, finding its way to your slowly graying mutton chops, tickling them. A loving warmth engulfs your back as he snuggles tightly against you, letting out a satisfied sigh. He loves how big you are, how he can completely sink into you and forget the worries plaguing his mind. 

You chuckle at the tickling. The food you are working on is temporarily forgotten as you turn around swiftly, and embrace him into a tight bear hug. You let out a playful growl for good measure, which prompts a chuckle out of him.

You snuggle your head tightly against the crook of his neck and take a deep inhale; pine needles.
He says something to you, muffled by the sound of your own breathing. Despite your body's arguing against it, you lift your head up and gaze down at him.

He has grown older too, though you swear age has only made him more handsome. The slicked back hair is still there, perhaps slightly thinner than before. It's still strikingly black and you regularly have playful arguments over whether he is dyeing it in secret or not.
That thin mustache line is still framing his lips, as meticulously trimmed as ever. Occupied by his lips, you proceed to steal a kiss. He welcomes it with a smile, which emphasizes the crows feet at the corners of his deep brown eyes.

His glowing presence finally colors the surroundings around you. Your kitchen is now clear in your vision, worn but cozy, full of comfortable clutter you use to conduct your food experiments. 

Your living room is much the same, only with many more framed photographs of the two of you decorating the walls. You spot miniature plane models sitting on a shelf, one in the middle of being painted. A half-finished crossword puzzle sits on your living room table with a familiar orange pen next to it.
Its comfortable, domestic, safe, and feels so right. You turn your gaze back to him: back to Kim.

Yes, this is what you want.

VOLITION - You should reassure him that this is only the beginning. What you just shared between you two can be the start of something beautiful, stable, and real. You can't predict everything the future holds, but you know the two of you will face it together.

YOU - You stagger up and wince only slightly in pain. “We could - if you want - uhhhhh…” Your attempt at smoothly transitioning between moments fails spectacularly right away. Your words die out but your arms keep swaying around, trying to keep the conversation going.

VOLITION - Come on, superstar, before he starts worrying about you again.

YOU - “The bed, I mean. We can both fit, if you want.” 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Yes!

YOU - “I didn't mean - like for sleeping! I swear!” You panic, your arm movements increasing in speed and range. “We both need good rest a-and I was thinking we could- cuddle if that's something… you … would like … to do?”

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant chuckles. “Harry, calm down. Neither of us can even stand properly, sex is completely out of the question right now.” He assures, his ears burning red.

EMPATHY [challenging:success] - The lieutenant finds your clumsiness and awkwardness endlessly endearing.

RHETORIC - There is also immense relief on his face. For a brief uncertain moment, the fear of being wanted only for a one-time fling crossed his mind.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - It has happened before.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY- Whoa whoa whoa, did he say we could have gotten down and dirty if we weren't injured?!

YOU - You get stuck grinning sheepishly at Kim. He is so incredibly good to you for reasons you will never understand.

REACTION SPEED - Maybe you can ask about it someday. You are not in a hurry, your future together has just started.

YOU - “So … uh the bed is - is fine?” you ask once more.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - A warm smile, sunshine inside your apartment, shining only for you.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Yes. That would be quite nice.” the lieutenant agrees with a smile.

MYSTERIOUS POT OF STEW - Hey. Hey! In the fridge! 

YOU - What? Kind of in the middle of something here.

MYSTERIOUS POT OF STEW - Sure yeah, I know. But listen, that gnarly feeling in your stomach isn't going away on its own. I bet the lieutenant is feeling it too. You better eat before going to bed.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - The stew is right. You have managed to masterfully ignore the almost nauseating emptiness in your stomach so far, but it's nearing unbearable now. You both need food to heal.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) [easy:success] - A low growl, almost like an annoyed puppy who is just learning to express itself. It's Kim’s stomach.

KIM KITSURAGI - Embarrassed, the lieutenant sucks his stomach in instinctively and clears his throat. 

ENDURANCE - It's a habit, something he doesn't even realize he is doing. It started in his childhood when there wasn't enough food for everyone at the orphanage. During long workdays at the juvenile prison he would keep himself so busy with work he often forgot to eat. Nowadays the hunger pains need to be strong enough to derail his thinking for him to do something about it. 

INTERFACING - He fuels himself with the same mindset as his Kineema. It's simply something that needs to be done for the machine to keep performing.

YOU - “Hungry?” You ask, beaming a smile at him. The opportunity to care for Kim immediately excites you.

KIM KITSURAGI - He seems to ponder your question for a moment. A tense inner monologue is happening behind those eyes.

INLAND EMPIRE - A simple question. But the topic of the lieutenant's now self-admitted tendency to play down his needs and wants is still lingering fresh in the air. Asking this so bluntly is almost a challenge to him; to see if he can be honest for you. 

EMPATHY [medium:success] - He feels safe enough to let his emotions take the lead around you.

KIM KITSURAGI - “To be completely honest with you … I'm starving.” He chuckles, his hand resting against his flat stomach. Normally a picky eater, the lieutenant feels like he could eat anything right now.

YOU - Your smile somehow only widens at the admission. It's getting unsettlingly close to The Expression, so you should probably take it down a notch. “Great! Because while you were asleep I created something spectacular!”

SAVOIR FAIRE - You emphasize your words with wild arm movements, drawing a half circle over your head with both of your arms. 

KIM KITSURAGI - His posture relaxes and he sinks back against the couch. A curious eyebrow is aimed at your direction; a challenge. “Is that so? Well, if it's not too much trouble, it would be an honor to sample this spectacular dish.” The lieutenant says, his tone endlessly amused.

VOLITION - You better blow him away with this meal, Harry.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - You could always just blow him. 

YOU - “Yes, sir. You sit tight, I got this. Prepare to have your tastebuds blown off!” with a bright smile on your face and the pain on your leg momentarily forgotten, you make your way to the fridge with haste.

MYSTERIOUS POT OF STEW - Your reflection greets you as you reach for the pot, shining back at you with much more friendliness this time.

SAVOIR FAIRE - With overexaggerated movements you turn the barely functional stove top on, and sit the pot on it.

MYSTERIOUS POT OF STEW - Ahh yess, that feels good. You should toss some rosemary in me, makes the flavors pop.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - You scan the many unlabeled jars and bags of seasoning on your shelf. You can't remember when or why you bought them in your past life, and you don't feel like digging in deeper. They are almost certainly leftovers from her.

ROSEMARY - Over here!

YOU - Oh, hello there. Rosemary, I presume? You pick out the bag that was calling out for you and sprinkle some into the pot. 

VOLITION - How about some background music?

YOU - Oh, great idea! A ladle still in your hand, you reach out and flick on the radio. Static fills your apartment as you fiddle with the nub, until -

YOUR KITCHEN RADIO - “And that was DJ RO-RO-ROCKING ON YOUR COCK! NEXT UP ON SPEEDFREAKS FM; DRIVING MY CAR INTO A WALL AND KISSING YOUR MOM BY CARCRASH BOYS! STAY TUNED!”

VISUAL CALCULUS - The lieutenant's head turns towards the kitchen and a shy smile tugs on the corners of his mouth. He knows you aren't a fan of this type of music and appreciates the gesture. His knee starts bouncing along the song rhythm.

YOU - You smile back even if he can't see it. A warm smile is stuck on your face whenever you are around him, a much more pleasant alternative to The Expression.

BOWL OF WARM STEW - You place heavy portions of your creation into two yellow bowls. Despite looking rather questionable, the stew smells rich; like home. Two mismatching spoons finish the presentation off with the perfect flare of you.

YOU - The money is poor and the economy is in shambles, so most of your cutlery is a random assortment of second hand silverware. None of them match and all of them look worn, but it suits your style.

EMPATHY [formidable:success] - Kim had demanded you replace every piece of cutlery in your apartment after discovering a scorched spoon with an unknown substance on it in your bathroom during cleaning. His expression did not flinch and he spoke no words, simply disposed of the item with great care and added a new line on his shopping list: -new silverware.

YOU - Looking at the spoon currently sinking into your homemade meal makes you feel hopeful. You have come this far, what's stopping you from going even further?

VOLITION - Nothing. It will not be easy, but it's possible. There is a safety net between you and the pit of despair now.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Satellite officer Vicquemare lets out a deep breath as he steps out of his vehicle. He straightens his back, groaning at the way it pops and complains loudly. He is way too old to be sitting at a desk and then driving for hours cramped in a motor vehicle all in the same day.

ALICE DEMETTRIE - “Satellite officer Vicquemare.” a female voice greets him gently from further away, attempting to get his attention. The woman is peeking through the Precinct 57 building front door, her red hair contrasting the dark concrete brightly.

JEAN VICQUEMARE -  “Oh - evening.” Jean turns towards the voice. His eyes land on a woman he presumes to be Alice DeMettrie. With haste, Jean heads towards her with his arm already extended out in a greeting.

ALICE DEMETTRIE - Alice smiles faintly and gives Jean’s hand a firm shake. “It is good to meet you. I am Alice DeMittrie, we talked on the radio phone earlier.” She greets.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - “Satellite officer Vicquemare. Thank you for coming out this late.” Jean sighs, failing to hide his exhaustion.

ALICE DEMETTRIE - Alice gives Jean a sympathetic look, she can only guess how stressed and tired the man is after such a long day. He had already sounded drained through the crackling radio line, and that call had been hours ago. Wanting to speed things along for Jean’s sake, Alice pulls out a package and hands it out to him; “Here. I am surprised he remembered we had these. They were bought as a backup when he first joined us and he never needed them.” 

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Jean takes the package and rolls it around in his hands, inspecting it. “Mh, I suppose that’s Lieutenant Kitsuragi for you. Always on top of things.” he forces a chuckle and pockets the package. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS - He will not mention that he was the one who got the idea to check with the lieutenant’s old precinct to see if they carried a backup pair of glasses for him. He will also not mention that he was the one who started making calls and inquiring about the glasses. But most of all, he will not mention that he alone decided to drive to Precinct 57 after a grueling workday to pick up the glasses. 

ALICE DEMETTRIE - “How is he?” Alice asks, her tone leaning on worried. She seems to catch herself and quickly adds; “The lieutenant and Du Bois, I mean.”

JEAN VICQUEMARE - How is the lieutenant, Jean wonders. He can only hope his misplaced trust in you won’t come back to haunt him once again. The Precinct's newest and best addition is in your clumsy destructive hands, and he does his best to not think about all the ways things could escalate further. 
“The lieutenant is recovering.” Jean assures Alice and also himself.

ALICE DEMETTRIE - Alice smiles and nods, it doesn’t feel proper to ask further questions. She may consider the lieutenant her friend, but his business is first and foremost Precinct 41’s business.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - Her badly masked worry isn't enough to fool Jean. “I will tell him to contact you once he is back to work.” he says, hoping to reassure her. He wants to give her a smile as a good measure, but doesn’t have enough energy left in him. “Anyway, I don’t want to keep you any longer. Thank you for this, I owe you. Do not hesitate to call in if you need anything.” Despite his exhaustion, Jean means it.

YOU - Jean … he must be tired.

ENDURANCE [heroic:success] - Jean is tired beyond limits you could ever comprehend. The man barely has the energy to get through everyday life as it is; he is a depressed wreck on life support. The pills he takes every morning may keep him from shooting his face off with his service weapon, but they don't help with the deeply ingrained exhaustion that's gnawing on his bones at all times.

EMPATHY - It will take him weeks, maybe months, to recover from the burnout that is creeping in. Despite being well aware of this, Jean wanted to go through the trouble of doing your paperwork so you can return to work to a clean desk. He wanted to pick up the lieutenant's glasses so you two are able to resume work together as soon as possible. He wanted to do all of this, because deep down he cares.

VOLITION - It's slow, but the people around you are carefully starting to trust you again. They see that you are trying your best and want to believe in you. Years of abuse, broken promises, and lies have nearly burnt all the bridges in your life, but what you and Jean have cannot be broken. He will be there for you, cursing and complaining all the way, to the very end.

YOU - You are spacing out again. The two bowls sitting on the kitchen counter are giving you a look of confusion. Even they are concerned over how disconnected you seem today.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - Some speed would help you focus reeeeal quickly.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - Your stomach lets out an angry roar, reminding you about your hunger. It's time to feast, Harry-boy. Drugs won't fill that belly of yours.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [challenging:success] - with slow steps and immense concentration, you carefully carry the two bowls to the living room. Your steps are unbalanced because you are avoiding putting weight on your hurt leg, but somehow you manage without making a mess.

KIM KITSURAGI - There is immediate concern on the lieutenant’s face once your blurry frame enters his obstructed field of vision. “How's your leg? Do you need help?’

EMPATHY - He feels bad he didn't offer help right away.

COMPOSURE - But he was too lost in his thoughts to think of it. The memory of your lips on his is playing on repeat in his mind, pushing out everything less important. Which at the moment includes everything else.

YOU - “I'm good, I just got so excited about the idea of serving you food that I didn't even think about it.” you admit with a lopsided grin and reach one of the bowls towards Kim.

REACTION SPEED [easy:success] - Hey, remember the information you discovered about the second pair of glasses?

YOU - “Oh.” you say out loud and stop. 

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant gives you a curious look, stopping with his arms reached out midway.

YOU - “Kim, did you know you have a second pair of glasses at your old Precinct?” you ask with a casual tone that's contrasting the bombshell information in a comical way.

KIM KITSURAGI - It takes a split second for the lieutenant to fully comprehend what you are telling him. You can see the moment of realization click as his eyes fly wide open; “The second pair!” he repeats in utter disbelief, his arms still reaching out.

SUGGESTION - You enjoy seeing Kim’s stoic face break into radiant expressions.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant, however, is entirely focused on the news about his glasses. Your admiring look goes unnoticed.“I must call the Precinct first thing in the morning, perhaps I could -”

ENDURANCE - He is barely containing himself, debating if he should make the call right away. He is already leaning forward off the couch, ready to bolt towards your phone.

YOU - “No need, Jean has them.” You reveal casually and hand Kim his bowl of food.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant instinctively takes the bowl from you, which stops his attempt at standing up. Stunned, he holds the bowl with a ridiculously confused expression on his face.

VOLITION - Come on, help the man out, Harry. He has no idea what you are talking about.

YOU - You sit down on the couch and pat the cushion next to you, smiling eagerly. 

KIM KITSURAGI - Hesitantly, the lieutenant sits next to you. His face is still filled with nothing but confusion and questions.

VISUAL CALCULUS [trivial:success] - An expecting gaze is aimed at you, awaiting an explanation to your bizarre statement.

YOU - “I don’t know how Jean knew about them …” you start explaining while already spooning food into your mouth like a starving beast. “But he picked them up just now. Alice helped, she seemed worried about you …Hey this turned out pretty good!” You grin, a poor attempt in changing the topic.

KIM KITSURAGI - A gentle hand is placed on your thigh. “Focus, Harry.” Kim smiles, but his brows are tight with a plea. He needs you to explain.

AUTHORITY - Not so fast, the lieutenant will have his questions answered!

RHETORIC - He cannot accept a wild statement like that without something to back it up.

YOU - Against your stomach’s wishes you halt your eating and swift your focus to Kim. “Sorry … umh - well … you know? Just - brain told me.” You chuckle weakly and mimic Kim's earlier move by jokingly rotating a finger around your temple.

EMPATHY - Guilt is threatening to creep in, you know Kim is not satisfied with your lackluster explanation. 

RHETORIC [medium:failure] - There is no explaining the unexplainable.

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - The lieutenant’s expression slowly shifts from disbelieving into something more gentle. A carefully curious look takes over his gaze.

EMPATHY [easy:success] - He does not comprehend your abilities, but his trust in you overwhelms logic and reasoning.

INLAND EMPIRE - Together you two have threaded the pale, faced the miracle of a phasmid, and traversed the line between reality and dreams. Every new day with you challenges his analytical mind.

KIM KITSURAGI - “So …” he starts. “Your brain told you that Satellite officer Vicquemare has retrieved my old spare pair of eyeglasses from the 57th Precinct today? Did I understand that correctly?” He is doing his absolute best to approach your ludicrous statement with professionalism and seriousness.

EMPATHY - The last thing he wants to do is make you feel ashamed simply because he is struggling to understand.

YOU - “Well - uh -  yes?” You chuckle, fully aware how insane it sounds when put like that.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant ponders for a second. Then, he gives your thigh a pat. “Okay. I’m glad to know that.”

EMPATHY - He is, in fact, overjoyed to hear that. Kim is willing to put aside his skepticism for a moment just to believe for this to be true.

YOU - “Just like that?” you poke, relieved that Kim seems to believe you, but also taken aback just how quickly he dropped the questioning.

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant smiles gently and shifts his gaze back to his food; “Just like that, yes.” he repeats. “Harry …” striking pair of brown eyes lock with yours once more. “After today, I'll believe anything.” he chuckles. But he means every word.

EMPATHY - To him, the most unexplainable thing on the entire supra-natural plane of Elysium is that someone loves him.

ENDURANCE [formidable:success] - Tears wet your eyes but you manage to keep them from rolling down your face. A mixture of affection and sadness tug at your heartstrings; you want nothing more than to make Kim understand just how much he means to you.

VOLITION - Everything.

INLAND EMPIRE - More than everything. Something larger that cannot be contained in mere words;
He is your blood, 
he is your breath, 
he is your Elysium.

REACTION SPEED [impossible:failure] - An uncontrollable urge for physical affection overtakes you, and you lean against the lieutenant, nudging your head in the crook of his neck.

PERCEPTION (SMELL) - There it is again, the smell of pine needles.

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - Faint laughter, he finds your almost puppy-like affection endearing.

AUTHORITY [challenging:failure] - You are a double-yefreitor lieutenant of the RCM, stop embarrassing yourself!

YOU - No. It's Kim… it's okay.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION [difficult:success] - Your food threatens to escape over the edges, but you manage to balance the bowl in your hands without spilling anything on yourself, even while aggressively cuddling against the lieutenant.

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - You feel fingers tangle in your messy hair and scratch your head comfortably.

KIM KITSURAGI -  “You're going to make a mess like this.” The lieutenant insists with a gentle tone. He doesn't actually want you to move away.

YOU - So you don't. Instead, you keep your body locked against Kim's and soak in the comfortable warmth of it.

KIM KITSURAGI - With deep calmness now in his heart, the lieutenant can finally focus on eating. He blows gently at a spoonful at first, then wraps his lips around the spoon.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - See that lip action? That spoon could be your co-

VOLITION - Please. Do not ruin the lieutenant’s appetite with an obvious raging boner.

COMPOSURE [impossible:success] - Somehow against the odds, you successfully kill the hard-on threatening to make an unwanted appearance. 

PERCEPTION (HEARING) - SPEEDFREAKS FM is still playing in the background. The current song is about driving through the pale with a flaming car.

LOGIC [formidable:failure] - Would that even be possible?

VOLITION - This is one of those theories not worth testing. Let's just focus on the current situation.

VISUAL CALCULUS - The lieutenant's brows furrow at first, then relax. He pokes around the bowl with his spoon, digging out pieces of carrot and meat; inspecting if he is tasting everything right. Suddenly, very subtly, his brows shoot up.

KIM KITSURAGI - “Mmh. I'm surprised how well the carrots go with the broth…” he comments, seemingly more to himself. “Quite an unexpected combination.”

YOU - His reaction prompts you to look down at the bowl and the few bright orange carrot pieces peeking through the green liquid.

WARM BOWL OF STEW - Incredibly rich in varying flavors, the green stew is thick and murky, a mix of mysterious ingredients unknown to anyone else except the chef. It would easily overpower your mouth with its flavor, were it not for the simple pieces of carrot absorbing some of it and balancing things out. The carrots, naturally tough, have softened up in the warm embrace of the stew. They float naturally in the liquid, giving it much needed structure.
It’s a strange combination that against all the odds, works.

YOU - You smile. “Yeah. I think they make a pretty disco pair.”

VOLITION - Many unanswered questions still linger in the air. Tomorrow the two of you will discuss the reality of your new relationship. You must talk about the unfortunate risks it poses for both of you privately and professionally. 

ELECTROCHEMISTRY - An awkward conversation about your knowledge of homosexual intercourse will be had, and Kim will laugh with tears in his eyes.

ENCYCLOPEDIA - “Kissing with our dicks” is not, in fact, a term used in the homosexual underground. 

EMPATHY - There will be a moment of vulnerability during which you will sob openly and share your fears about ruining everything again. Kim will be there to wipe your tears.

ESPRIT DE CORPS - Jean will deliver the lieutenant's glasses to your apartment. You will force a hug on him, despite his pretend protests.

ENDURANCE - The lieutenant will clean your wound and fix the stitching. Your pathetic whining will earn you a kiss on the forehead.

REACTION SPEED - Both of you agree that Kim will stay with you for a few days longer … for now.

INLAND EMPIRE - Those few days will turn into forever.

SHIVERS - In an apartment in the heart of Jamrock, two men sit on a couch in each other's loving embrace. One of them sits heavy, the mistakes of his unknown past weighing down on his shoulders. The other, carefully soaking in his new affectionate reality he never dared to even dream of.
Two vastly different souls, threading the uncertain world with nothing but the glow of their lungs guiding them. The future is dark and unknown, but together their love radiates bright enough to light up a path.