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It had been a long day. Approaching the end of her 12-hour shift, flitting around A&E, Claire could feel herself slowing down both physically and mentally. On a good day, she was tired by this point, but today had been extra rough. The pinnacle of the shift had to be when some guy collapsed at the reception, releasing what could only be described as the blood river bursting from the lift in The Shining, but from his arse. So yes, it’s been a long day.
A few hours later, she found herself outside the busy ward of the said guy. She had been sent to move him to a private room while he was waiting to go into surgery. It had been discovered that an artery had been cut by mistake in a routine colonoscopy where they had intended to take a sample for a biopsy. She shook her head in disbelief. What are the chances? In her 30 years working as a nurse, Claire had never seen that happen before. Talk about bad luck.
When she finally got to his bed, she glanced down at his chart, ‘Phil Lester.’ She looked up at Mr Lester, who was clearly still quite high on his pain medication, but was mostly lucid. His skin was grey and sickly, and he had almost white hair. She continued to look at him, just from appearance alone she couldn’t tell how old he was. She made a mental note to check for his age later, just out of curiosity more than anything. She smiled at him while placing the paperwork down for the time being.
“Hello, Mr Lester! How are you feeling?”
Mr Lester slowly blinked at her, but managed to croak out a quiet “I’ve been better,” followed by a half-hearted chuckle, “but please call me Phil.” Claire smiled back sympathetically and nodded.
“So, we’re going to move you to your own room, if that’s okay, Phil.” She walked over to his bedside and started to gently pull back his bed sheets to help the man out of bed. A wheelchair had been placed out for him already by another member of staff. She looked around to grab his bag, but couldn’t see it anywhere. “Where’s your bag with your clothes?” She turned back to look at Phil. He stared back at her, kind of vacantly. She could see him slowly turn her words over mentally, attempting to make sense of them. There’s the drugs still in his system, she observed.
She thought back to when he had collapsed at reception. There was another person with him. He looked a lot younger though, like a lot. Tall, dark brown hair, bright complexion. She looked back at Mr Lester, suddenly regretting not checking his date of birth before she put down his chart. It had to be his son, right? The white hair was really throwing her off. “Did your son take it home?”
She watched as his face distorted into a bizarre mix of horror and disgust. Whoops. Not his son then.
She went to open her mouth to apologise before he slurred out “erm, yep, he’s bringing back clean clothes,” he then sluggishly attempted to school his expression into a neutral one. She gave him a tight smile and curtly nodded before helping him into his wheelchair and taking him to his new room.
After she had helped Phil settle into his new accommodation and pretended to check his chart for vital information (definitely not for his date of birth if he asked) Claire went to find Jill - another nurse who had been present during the blood bath of Phil’s arrival. She caught sight of Jill stopping to grab a drink from the vending machine.
“Hey! The man who bled out from his arse in the reception earlier, there was another tall guy with him, right?” Claire asked as soon as Jill noticed her approaching.
Jill frowned, “Hello to you too.” She retrieved her drink, before turning to Claire, slouching against the vending machine. Claire continued to stare at Jill, waiting. She rolled her eyes, “yes there was another guy with him, with brown hair.”
Claire nodded, “who was he? Do you know?”
“Who was he to the patient?” Jill asked, Claire nodded again. Sighing, Jill answered, “I don’t know, I didn’t ask. Looking at them though, maybe his son? I mean the guy was pretty old, he had grey hair.”
Claire shook her head, “I think it’s dyed platinum blonde.” Jill pulled a face. Claire continued, “I had a look at his chart after I moved him to a private room -“
“Oh god, yeah, don’t want him bloodying up a communal patient bathroom. That wouldn’t be pretty.”
“Well, obviously, yes, but what I was saying is that he’s only 37. How old was that boy with him?” Claire sighed, taking a step backwards to lean against the wall closest to her. “He certainly didn’t look happy when I called him his son.”
Jill barked out a laugh. “Are you sure he’s a boy? You were calling him a ‘guy’ only a moment ago, so clearly he might just have a baby face. Maybe he was the bloody-arse guy’s partner.”
Oh you idiot, Claire thought to herself. She slapped her palm against her face. “I’m so stupid, of course.”
“I mean, I could be wrong, he could be his brother - that would also be kind of offensive, being accused of being your sibling’s parent.”
Claire groaned, “well, either way, I fucked up. Phil, I mean, Mr Lester wasn’t rude about it or anything, he just brushed it off, but I do feel bad.”
“Yeah, and to be honest, he has just lost a lot of blood, so that probably aged him a bit. He probably normally looks younger.”
“Way to beat a man while he’s down, Claire,” she grumbled to herself.
Jill barked out another laugh. She clasped Claire on the shoulder, “I’ll see you later hon, I got to get back to work. Try not to insult any more patients, aye?”
***
The following morning, Claire arrived at the hospital to start yet another gruelling 12-hour shift. As soon as she clocked in, she was sent to check on Phil again. He had had his surgery earlier in the day and was due for a meal. Claire inwardly groaned, hopefully, he was too drugged up to remember her misstep yesterday and would not even remember that they had already met.
As she approached the door to Phil’s room, Claire heard giggling coming from inside. She hesitated and quickly decided to wait a minute before knocking.
“Dan, it was mortifying, stop laughing!” She heard a groggy voice croak out, while someone else laughed heartedly. She couldn’t help but smile at the sound.
“Okay so not only did you get accused of being my dad,” Claire winced at the other man’s comment (yes man, she’s accepted that he’s an adult man now and she had definitely offended poor Phil by implying otherwise), “but you then bragged to a ‘hot doctor’ about our joint YouTube channel. Not your own channel - no - but the one you do with me; your lover slash soulmate slash business partner slash supposed child. You’re not very good at hitting on people - thankfully for me. You’ve lost your rizz, bub.”
“Hey! Don’t call yourself my lover and my child in the same sentence, you dick! That sounds disgusting. Fuck you for having a baby-face! I mean you’re 33 for god’s sake, start to look it!” Phil yelled out, voice croaking more and more the louder he got. “And, I’ll have you know I’m still full to the brim with rizz!”
Claire grimaced as Dan cackled even louder at this, before letting out a content sigh. “I still can’t believe you told the doctor you’re a YouTuber. How cringe.”
Phil sighed, “Tell me about it, I even tried to do the Justin Timberlake meme too.” Dan let out another musical laugh. Phil groaned before continuing, “he was looking at our channel and I was like ‘hey, wanna know a secret?’ And he agreed and I was like ‘we’re just about to announce a tour for our fans’ and he smiled at me, probably didn’t believe me, and then I looked down at myself in the buttless dress -“
“You mean, the hospital gown, Phil.” Dan laughed - Claire smiled at how happy he sounded with Phil.
“Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean Mr Over-Corrector - red flag by the way,” Phil giggled.
“Yet here I am, 15 years down the line with you. Clearly not that big of a red flag,” Claire could hear the warmth in Dan’s voice, and her heart swelled. And she called him Phil’s son. She grimaced at the memory.
“Anyway,” Phil emphasised, warmth and affection also flooding his tone, “so I looked down at myself in the hospital gown,” a pointed pause, “and went, ‘this is going to ruin the world tour.’ And nothing!”
“He said nothing?”
“Nothing! Zilch.” Phil sighed, “he’s obviously not cool like us.”
“Or just not chronically online like us,” Dan countered.
“Potato, Pot-ah-to.”
“Dork.”
Claire decided now was a good time to interrupt, feeling quite creepy for listening in for as long as she did. She gently knocked and poked her head around the door. Dan - who she could see was definitely an adult man, now she was getting a closer look at him, he does have a bit of a baby face though she thought in her own defence - was perched on Phil’s bedside, gently running his fingers through his partner’s hair.
“Hello, Mr Lester” Phil semi-glared at her.“Sorry, I mean Phil, I was only coming in to ask if you’d like tea or coffee, and some toast?” She mentally noted that, despite having not long had surgery, he was already looking better than the previous day. Thank goodness for blood transfusions.
Phil let out an enthusiastic groan, Dan lightly swatted him, “yes please, I’m starving.” Phil grabbed the hand Dan swatted him with, and gently held it, interlacing their fingers. Claire wondered if he was trying to make a point, ‘look, he’s clearly not my son.’
She smiled, “I’m sorry, rude of me not to introduce myself, I’m Claire, one of the nurses who has had the pleasure of tending to your partner here.” She extended a hand to Dan, and tossed a small smile to Phil, hoping he took it as an apology.
Dan took her hand and shook it while smiling at her. In her own professional opinion, it was a shit-eating grin, but she let it slide. It was her own fault anyway. “Hey, nice to meet you, I’m Dan.”
Claire turned back to Phil, “so yes to toast?” Phil nodded enthusiastically. “Brilliant, now, tea or coffee?”
Phil thought carefully for a moment, while Dan watched him, attempting to hide his fond smile behind a hand. “I think tea, please.” Dan looked at him confused, Phil sighed before turning to Claire, “no offence but hospital coffee tends to be pretty bad.”
Claire laughed in response, “no offence taken, you’re completely correct.” She turned to Dan, “what about you? Would you like a drink?”
Dan smiled, shaking his head, “No, I’m good, thanks.”
“Okay, well, I’ll be back shortly.” She turned to walk away, leaving the two men alone once again.
As soon as she left the room, Jill grabbed Claire’s arm and dragged her down the hallway, “they were curled up together earlier watching Below Deck on the boyfriend’s laptop, how cute!”
“Awww,” Claire replied and meant it. “I overheard them talking before I walked in, they’ve been together for 15 years, it’s so sweet.”
“Definitely not father and son then?” Jill let out an obscenely loud cackle. Claire smacked her friend’s arm.
“Shut up, hospital lighting isn’t exactly flattering on anyone, especially when they’re platinum blonde and have lost a lot of blood. He looked way older yesterday!” She gestured wildly, “and come on, his partner is so baby-faced, even if he is also in his thirties! He looked like a very tall teenager in comparison!” At this point, Claire was nearly yelling with exasperation.
“Okay, okay, calm down, you’re right,” Jill laughed, sympathetically patting her friend’s arm, “I’m sorry! I’m assuming they’re okay with you after your little mistake yesterday?”
Claire nodded, “thankfully, yes, still horribly embarrassed though.”
“Probably not the first time it has happened to them, don’t worry.”
They continue to walk arm-in-arm through the hallway. Before Claire remembered something, “Oh yeah, I think I also heard them mention they were YouTubers.” Jill grimaced, Claire nodded, “yeah I know.”
***
About two weeks later, Claire’s phone pinged with a message from Jill.
13:08 Jill Perkins (Work): Aren’t these your boys?
13:08 Jill Perkins (Work): Finally Revealing Our Secret https://youtu.be/2PUBhl5lzpI?si=a5leCUSeg-wUZKQM
13:09 Jill Perkins (Work): Oooh they’re going on tour. You should go and accuse them of being father and son again.
Claire frowned briefly before remembering that she had overheard the two men discussing Phil, while high on pain medication, bragging about being a YouTuber to a doctor. And then also her telling Jill about this after.
She sent her friend the middle finger emoji before clicking on the link. She watched the two men talk about new eras and how far they’ve come, the television screens flashing with old videos (she assumed) of theirs, right from when Dan was actually a teenager by the looks of the first clip of him. She smiled and then gasped at the amount of dates they had lined up internationally for their tour. She also noticed clips from at least one previous stage show they’d already done. She rolled her eyes at herself because, of course, she had managed to accidentally insult someone famous.
She paused on the tour dates and then glanced at the recommended videos on the side, some were her normal appetite, the best of complications of her favourite TV shows and some silly cat videos, but there were more from Dan and Phil popping up. Including one from a different channel, ‘AmazingPhil.’ The video was incredibly recent, titled ‘How Phil Nearly Died.’ She figured she knew what this one was about but clicked on it anyway.
She watched them banter as they recounted their experience, a smile resting on her face. She had partially forgotten how sweet they were. She found herself admiring their ability to retell the story in an entertaining way, but without overdramatising it. The emphasis they both put on checkups and how what had happened to Phil was extremely rare was also admirable to Claire.
“So then Nurse Susan comes in,” Phil recalled and Claire’s smile dropped, oh no here it comes, “…Did your son take it?” A snippet of horror music chipped in at this line, and Claire groaned putting her phone down and placing her head in her hands. Hearing Dan laughing as the video kept playing, she groaned again. “Did your SON TAKE IT?!” She heard Phil yell and cold, liquid embarrassment flooded her veins.
This will haunt her forever.
At least they changed my name, she thought.