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"You're a superhero who's really a monster. Guys like you are always mean!"
Kevin couldn't believe the nerve of this kid. Unfortunately, since he was still gathering the strength to stand after the fight against the Rock Monster, all he could do was glower at him as he walked away. "Why you—!"
Before he could say more, Gwen briefly put a hand on his shoulder to try and placate him. "It's okay, Kevin, it's okay."
He wanted so badly to tell her off, but he had enough control to remind himself not to treat her like an emotional punching bag, especially since she'd done nothing wrong. Recalling the calming techniques she'd taught him, he shut his eyes and steadied his breathing. When he opened his eyes, he didn't feel like yelling anymore, but he also didn't feel like doing anything else, not even stand. So, he dusted the sand off his body and sat with his legs outstretched, staring off into the ocean.
Coming to the beach had been Gwen's idea. Kevin didn't have much use for it in his current form. He'd sink if he swam, and he had no human skin to benefit from spending time in the sun. All he had to show for coming today was a broken ID Mask and a bruised ego.
Gwen's eyes had been glued to Kevin since the fight ended. From the day he was mutated, there had been a significant shift in his personality. He'd become more temperamental and reckless and, frankly speaking, less pleasant to be around. Thus far, she'd respected his need for space and told herself he would open up in his own time, but she couldn't put it off any longer. It was time they properly talked about the elephant in the room.
Ben could practically see the gears turning in her brain and deemed it best to excuse himself. "I'd better make sure everyone else is okay." Gwen gave him a small smile as thanks, which he reciprocated.
Once Ben was out of earshot, she sat a few inches away from Kevin and matched his posture. The past several moments she'd spent thinking of ways to broach the subject were for nothing, as she now opted for a direct approach. "We need to talk."
He kept his gaze straight ahead. Normally, he could appreciate the picturesque view of the vast ocean meeting the sky, but not today. "What's there to talk about?"
"Don't give me that," she pushed back.
His jaw tensed in response to her admonitory tone. "Again, what's there to talk about? I'm a monster. Talkin' about it ain't gonna fix it."
"Your condition isn't the problem."
Her choice of words did not go unnoticed. He appreciated that she didn't think he was a monster in his current state, even if he disagreed with her. That being said, it didn't seem like she understood where he was coming from. "You haven't been payin' attention, then."
His accusation struck her with a mixture of sadness and anger. She scrunched her forehead, her lips parting before closing again. She decided to let it slip. "Something deeper is affecting you, Kevin. I can't help you if you won't let me." She caught a subtle change in his expression, a telltale sign that his resolve was faltering. "Talk to me... please?"
Kevin didn't show any signs of acknowledging her plea at first. Nearly a minute went by before he turned to her, and a brief look of relief washed over her. He hadn't expected to give in, but he surmised he'd be a fool to turn down her help. "Whenever you're ready," she encouraged.
"Ever have one of those days where you just don't look right? Maybe you have a pimple in a really obvious place or your hair's a mess no matter what you do?" She nodded, prompting him to continue. "I feel that way every day, and I HATE it." He brought his hands up to his face, obstructing their view of each other. "I see the way everyone looks at me. They think they don't notice but I do. I dunno how you can stand bein' around someone who looks like this."
With the lightest grip, Gwen lowered Kevin's hands to his lap. "It doesn't matter what you look like to me."
"You say that now. You could wake up tomorrow and decide you deserve better. The funny thing is, I wouldn't blame you. You do deserve better," he chuckled self-derisively.
She frowned. "Would you leave me if I looked like you?"
"Never," he assured her, raising his voice.
"Why?"
"I like who you are on the inside," he stated matter-of-factly, entirely missing her point.
"Then why's it so hard to believe I feel that way about you?"
Kevin pressed his lips together. Gwen had asked a perfectly valid question, yet he couldn't reconcile logic with his warped perception of himself. "It's not just that," he said, leaving her question unanswered. "My body feels heavy all the time, I can't taste food as well as I used to, I have to take special showers to get clean... and the worst part?" He squeezed her hands. "Know what I feel right now? Almost nothing. It's like touchin' you through five layers of clothing."
He waited for her to say something, but she couldn't think of anything that would make things better. Even offering condolences seemed like an empty gesture. She berated herself for not knowing the extent of the physical toll his mutation took on him, to say nothing of the emotional toll. She couldn't imagine how excruciating all of this was.
"I don't feel human," he admitted with shame.
Gwen placed a finger over the left side of his chest. "You're still human inside, where it matters."
Haltingly, he shook his head, fiercely rejecting her reassurance. "When I was a monster the first time, Ben told me I'd always been a freak on the inside."
She couldn't recall being there, but she suspected Ben hadn't meant what he said even back then. "You know he doesn't see you that way anymore."
"I do." Gwen flinched at the venom in Kevin's voice. She realized they'd reached the root of what had been bothering him all this time. "I've felt like a freak inside for a loooong time. For a while, I was able to ignore it. I was doin' good, y'know? I was being good. But now that I'm stuck like this, I don't think I'll escape that feeling."
"You're still good," she insisted. Her finger on his chest pressed against his rough stone skin. Even if he couldn't feel it, she hoped it would convey how sincerely she believed what she said, and how much she wanted him to believe it too.
To her disappointment, he removed her finger from his chest and turned away. "You're gonna leave me eventually, if not for how I look, then for how I've been acting."
Dismayed by the conviction with which he spoke, she shuffled in the sand to sit across him. She reached out to cup his chin, forcing him to face her. "I promise I won't."
He failed to understand why she bothered with him when she could find someone without skeletons in their closet to date; someone who truly deserved her companionship. Nevertheless, he was too selfish to let her go.
Kevin pulled back, his cheeks slipping from her hands. The sounds of the waves crashing against the shore filled the uneasy silence between them. To their collective displeasure, their conversation hadn't done much to alleviate his worries. Gwen refused to let it fizzle out this way. She was the one who had wanted him to open up. She couldn't leave him in a worse mental state than before.
"There's something I need to tell you!" she blurted out louder than she would have liked, catching his attention. He regarded her cautiously, his frown deepening as if he were preparing himself for the worst. A knot tightened deep in her stomach, but she steeled herself. Even if what she was about to say didn't have the desired effect, she'd kept it from him for too long. He deserved to know. "Since the day of the accident, I've... I've been looking through my spellbooks to find ways to change you back."
His eyes widened. "W—Why didn't you tell me sooner?" He was less disappointed that she'd kept it a secret and more shocked that she'd been going to such great lengths for his sake. Her increased secrecy about her late-night plans and her tendency to doze off in his car made sense now.
"I know I should've." Guilt etched across her face as she avoided eye contact. "I didn't wanna get your hopes up. This kind of magic is new territory for me." Her eyes met his again, her determination apparent in each of her next words. "But I'm not giving up on you or us, okay?"
Kevin struggled to make sense of Gwen's selflessness. If their roles were reversed, he'd move heaven and Earth to cure her if she wanted him to, but he didn't believe he was owed the same kindness. She had an incredibly busy schedule. Didn't she have better things to do with her free time than try to fix a lost cause like him? "Why go through all that trouble for me?"
She was growing agitated. How direct did she have to be for him to understand her point? "Why else? I care about you, duh!"
"And I appreciate that, but you can't fix me, Gwen," he replied subduedly, lacking the energy to match her intensity. "I'm stuck like this, inside and out."
"Well, we'll have to agree to disagree!" she huffed loudly. Kevin cleared his throat and cocked his head towards some bystanders who had overheard her.
Her shoulders sagged. "Sorry, I—"
"It's okay."
"—Got worked up there. I just..." She smacked her lips together. "I don't see you the way you see yourself, Kevin. You deserve my help, and I'm sorry, you won't stop me from trying."
She was relentless. He was fighting a losing battle here. No matter what he said, she wouldn't budge. He finally told his cynical side to shut up and accept her kindness, despite his reservations. "Okay," he caved in.
Her hands crossed the distance between them, settling on his shoulders. "We're gonna come out of this together, you hear me? You're not alone. I'm here for you no matter what you need."
"I'm... I'm here for you, too. I know things have changed lately, but what I feel for you hasn't," he affirmed. "Just wish I was better at showin' it."
"You're getting better." Gwen propped herself up on her knees. Her hands moved up to bring his head closer so she could kiss his forehead. "Thank you for opening up to me."
"Wasn't easy, but thanks for lettin' me." He gazed up at her, slightly soothed by her kiss, and they exchanged a look of understanding.
Soon—too soon for his liking—she rose to her feet and helped him up, too. "Let's go find your ID Mask." He silently agreed, keeping their hands intertwined as they walked.
Kevin had no doubt that they'd have to pick their conversation back up sometime soon, but as their talk today sunk in, he began to feel just a little bit hopeful.
He'd almost forgotten what that felt like.