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Finn easily learns he has separation anxiety, especially when it comes to his boyfriend.
Especially when his boyfriend, Poe Dameron, decides to live up to the self-title of Hot-Shot/Best-Resistance-Pilot-in-the-Galaxy.
Poe makes it up to him, though, by always coming back to him, completely unharmed – right into Finn's arms.
It never really eases the anxiety, though. Finn's spent way too much time abandoning parts of his life and things that are known to him to ever accept that things will stay.
He doesn't tell Poe this; he doesn't want Poe to feel guilty for doing the one thing he loves and makes a difference for. Besides, Finn loves that Poe is making a difference for the Resistance. He'd never have a problem with that.
“You should relax,” Poe murmurs into Finn's skin one night.
It's the night before one of Poe's biggest missions yet – other than that of Jakku, of course – the day they had met. The Resistance has located a secret First Order base that needs to be searched for plans. Poe was the first one that General Organa appointed lead on, much to Poe's delight. Finn isn't surprised in the least; Poe's a great asset.
“Easier said that done,” Finn teases. “You're too pretty to get blown up, though, I'm sure of it.”
Poe shrugs teasingly. “Probably true. I always come back, Finn.”
Poe kisses Finn tenderly, and Finn relaxes visibly for a moment, forgetting about his worries temporarily and burying his fingers in Poe's hair.
“I know. You've got an ego about it,” Finn points out after they break the kiss. “If you weren't so damn amazing at it, I'd make you stay.”
Poe nearly giggles, teasing, “Is that so? How would you do that? Spare no details.”
“Well, maybe I'll tell you when you get back,” Finn teases right back.
“Great, give me something to look forward to, then,” Poe purrs, his lips ghosting alone Finn's jawline.
Goosebumps rise on Finn's flesh; it happens every time Poe teases him like this. If anything, he'd have Poe on top of him right here and now; his mind can't stop wandering, however, and he knows Poe needs his rest before his big mission tomorrow.
Even Finn has quite a big day tomorrow. Although he's not flying with Poe toward the First Order base – he hasn't completed his flight training yet – he'll be with General Organa's team, making sure the communications are stable and the base remains secured.
Finn won't be alone, but he's as nervous as if he will be. Before his hands shake just thinking about it, he grips Poe's tightly.
Poe senses Finn's discomfort, and he lifts Finn's chin up with his fingers.
“Hey, what'd I tell you?” Poe whispers, kissing Finn once, twice, three times, “I always come back.”
“I know,” Finn murmurs. “Just gotta relax.”
“I am relaxed,” Poe laughs. “Excited, really.”
“I was talking to myself.”
Finn starts to laugh despite himself, and he eases up a bit. Poe always promises to return to him; Poe always does. He sighs. He hates being like this, especially in front of Poe the night before a big mission.
Poe's eyes light up as Finn laughs, and Poe takes the opportunity to slide on top of Finn.
“That's my boy,” Poe encourages, his lips pressing against Finn's deeply.
“We need sleep,” Finn gasps after the most intense make-out session he's ever had.
“Aw, c'mon, five more minutes,” Poe breathes into his ear as he tongues Finn's neck.
Finn's eyes roll back in his head in pleasure for a moment, gripping the back of Poe's head tightly, moaning slightly.
“Poe. . .” he scolds, but his body betrays the opposite; he grinds against Poe wantonly.
Poe chuckles, pupils blown, staring down at Finn like he's the only thing that could ever matter. Finn looks up at him knowing Poe is the only thing that matters in that moment.
“I love you, Finn,” Poe promises, delivering one last peck to Finn's lips before he rolls off of him, exhaling happily.
Finn circles his arms around Poe's waist, snuggling up to him.
“I love you, too, you reckless ass,” Finn teases.
He loves falling asleep to the sound of them laughing together. He wishes he could hold Poe forever.
It seems as if virtually no time has passed since they were lying in bed together and now he's watching Poe ready his X-Wing ship, leaving in no more than five minutes. Finn tries to swallow his anxieties, but now that there's no time left, it's not something he's capable of doing.
Poe laughs at Finn, gripping his shoulder and cupping Finn's cheek, an exhilarated smile on Poe's face – he's in absolute heaven right now; he loves missions.
“I'll be back, soon, I promise,” Poe reminds Finn.
Finn nods solemnly. “You better, or I'll kick your ass.”
“I think of so many better things we can do with my ass when I get back,” Poe teases.
Finn flushes a bright crimson, unable to help cracking a smile. “Get outta here, Dameron.”
“Not without a goodbye kiss.”
Poe's hands snake around Finn's waist, bending him slightly as Poe kisses him excitedly, eagerly, desperately. Finn would see stars if his eyes weren't closed; he tangles his hands in Poe's curly hair, holding onto him as tightly as he can.
That's it, then; he watches Poe climb into his X-Wing and Poe gives Finn a wink before he slides his helmet on his head. Poe even does a barrel roll in the sky just to show off, and then he disappears.
Finn sighs and heads to General Organa. He can't afford to worry about Poe, now – it's easier to not dwell in theory, though.
Overall, things go smoothly on the ground for Finn and the rest of the Resistance. General Organa is seemingly at ease, and it's not for a long time before they realize something has gone wrong.
The communications are the first to go, and all they hear from Poe is a warning that it's been some sort of trap; that's the only thing they hear.
Finn's heart drops instantly. General Organa bears a grave yet steady expression as she readies the rest of the base on the ground to send rescue and collection for the flight team – if there's any of them left.
Finn's desperate when they finally land, the rest of Poe's team in tow. It's not looking good; mostly everyone is being taken to the medical facilities, and Finn can't find Poe anywhere.
Even Jessika Pava, one of Poe's best friends and flight partners couldn't escape without some scars – mild in comparison to the wreckage that lay in front of Finn's eyes.
“What's happened?! Where's Poe?” Finn very nearly yells at her, desperation coloring his features.
Finn and Poe had tried to keep their relationship a secret for a long time on the Resistance base, but they couldn't be subtle for long – Finn's endless blushing and Poe's relentless flirting made no match for secrecy. Therefore, the look on Jessika's face is all too understanding.
“I-I don't know, we've lost a lot,” Jessika murmurs, and she seems in shock; her face is blank, and her tone much too quiet. “He's been hit. That's all I know.”
He's been hit.
Poe's hurt, maybe even dead, and Finn's world is spinning. It's as if he's suddenly disconnected from reality; all sounds are muffled and muted, his vision blurred from anything tangible. All he can feel is his heart thudding dully in his ears.
The adrenaline from anxiety kicks in next. His irrational fight or flight response makes his legs shaky, but he pushes them forward, as fast as he possibly can toward the medical bay. It's so full of injured pilots that he can't even find him, his Poe, if he's even alive.
A sob escapes Finn before he allows him to filter himself, and his legs pump faster.
“Where is he?!” Finn shrieks. “Oh God, where is he?!”
There were several people lying motionless on medical cots, some of them shrieking in pain, others unconscious. So many pilots have been either injured or killed. Some are being taken away already – nothing left to do with someone already dead. Where is Poe?
Finn stands at the front of the medical ward, shaking hands hovering over nothing in particular. He's unable to move, at the moment, his eyes scanning for Poe.
Then, Finn spots him. Poe's lying on one of the cots, and he's motionless. Finn's stomach drops – and then he sees the blood.
There's so much blood. Finn can't even see where the bleeding is coming from, but there's a lot of it, and instead of words coming out of Finn's mouth, a half-choked sob is what escapes his lips.
“POE!” Finn yells as he's running as fast as he can toward where Poe lay.
Several doctors surround him, one stopping the bleeding, the other pumping his heart.
Finn shoves his way among them, tears stinging his cheeks as he takes in Poe, his love, up close.
Poe's shoulder is severely wounded, one of the sources of blood highly concentrated in that location. With a half-choked gasp, Finn realizes where most of the bleeding is coming from.
Poe's right arm – it's gone. There's so much blood he can't quite tell just how much is gone, but he can tell it's gone. Finn can't hold back the sobs any longer. His eyes serve as floodgates opening, his breathing ugly gasps now.
“POE, no, God, not him, please no -!” Finn sobs.
Jessika finds her way to Finn, finally catching up with him. She grabs a hold of Finn to keep him out of the way of the doctors as they perform CPR on Poe.
“His heart's stopped!” one of the medics shouts. “I need you all to step back! Get him out of here!”
The room is indeed spinning now, and all Finn can do is sob and yell. His heart has stopped.
“NO, NO, NO!”
Jessika pulls Finn into his arms, some tears sliding down her cheeks as well. Jessika is one of Poe's best friends, after all.
All Finn can do is sob into her shoulder as the doctors attempt to bring Poe back to life.
“He can't, oh God, he can't, I need him!” Finn gushes, gripping Jessika tightly.
Jessika doesn't even respond, she just holds him gently, her breathing quite shaky as well.
Suddenly, there's a slow beeping of a heart monitor.
“We have a response!” the medic exclaims tiredly.
Finn whirls around, cheeks wet with tears, breathing shaky as he watches the monitor beep steadily. Poe's still entirely unconscious and bleeding profusely, and he watches as the medics work to clean and bandage what's left of Poe's arm.
It's just now sinking in that Poe's arm is gone, and he can't imagine how Poe will react – until Poe gets a cybernetic replacement, he won't be able to fly – not well, at least, until he gets used to it.
The medics get him bandaged, and inform Finn that Poe will have to wake up before Poe can get his cybernetic arm. They also tell him that because of his blood loss, and his heart stopping – they're not sure if or when Poe will awaken.
Finn feels as if he'll physically throw up, but instead, he runs up to Poe's unconscious body, his breathing heavy and his knees collapse next to Poe's cot, and he carefully throws his hands around Poe's waist, and starts sobbing into his shoulder.
“Poe, wake up, you asshole,” Finn sobs. “Just wake up, please. Come back to me.”
Finn can't help but kiss Poe's lips gently, his tears falling onto Poe's motionless cheeks. Finn can feel Poe's eyelashes gently brush against Finn's tear-soaked cheek, which furthers his sobbing – Poe would always give Finn butterfly kisses against his skin, since Finn liked the way Poe's doe-like eyelashes tickled his skin gently.
Jessika pats his shoulder gently.
“Finn-” she begins to say quietly, and then stops herself, letting her friend work through his emotions.
Finn's running his fingers gently through his Poe's hair, now, savoring the feeling of his curls against his fingers, and remembers how good they feel when Poe's mouth is on his, and he's unable to stop crying anymore.
“Finn, maybe get some rest,” Jessika urges sadly, “you've had a long day, and we don't know if he'll-”
“When,” Finn corrects, “when he'll wake up. He'll wake up. He promised. He promised me and-”
Finn's cut himself off with a half-cry, and now he's crying into Poe's shoulder. He reaches across him and holds the hand that's still there – it's a bit cold, even though Poe appears nothing but feverish.
“He promised,” Finn sobs.
Jessika can probably tell that Finn's not going to leave anytime soon. She ruffles Poe's hair, and nods sweetly to Finn.
“Keep an eye on him for me, okay? Make sure when he wakes up, you slug him for me for being so reckless,” Jessika laughs.
“Reckless?” Finn murmurs. His voice is broken and weak.
She sighs. “Isn't he always? I'll let him tell you.”
Finn's face crumples, and as soon as Jessika leaves, he lets it all out. He claws at Poe's medical gown, sobbing into it.
“Wake up, baby, please, Poe. I swear to everything I'll do anything if you just wake up for me, Poe, please,” Finn sobs in a whisper.
Finn loses track of how long he's kneeling next to Poe, whispering promises and pleads into Poe's ear, crying, somehow as if any of that can will him to wake up and smile one of those ridiculously cocky Poe grins. It seems almost cruel to see him in such a still form.
It's been three days, and Poe has not awakened.
Finn begins to worry about the inevitable. What if Poe doesn't wake up? He finds himself unable to leave Poe's side, day and night. He props himself into an uncomfortable position in a chair next to Poe's medical cot and he even sleeps there, holding Poe's other hand.
A medical droid comes every so often to check his vitals, and even though Poe's in a coma, all other signs seem normal. Every day that passes, Finn becomes more and more emotional – yet he's beginning to feel a bit lifeless, too.
It's been a week, now. Finn is desperate.
Jessika visits every so often, and even General Organa pays Poe a visit. She looks worried, almost like a worried mother, and it breaks Finn's heart even more.
General Organa puts a comforting hand on Finn's shoulder.
“If anyone can come out of this, it's Dameron,” General Organa reassures him. “I can feel it.”
Rey even comes back to the Resistance base from her force training with Luke Skywalker to give some support to Finn. She can't stay long, but she gives both Finn and an unconscious Poe a kiss on the cheek.
“If there's anything I can do to help you, my friend,” Rey murmurs soothingly, “just say the word. I love you, Finn!”
“I love you, too, Rey. I just want him to wake up and say something s-stupid to me like he always does,” Finn whispers, his voice breaking still.
Finn's lip trembles, and he tries hard not to break his strong facade in front of Rey, but when she pulls him into a comforting hug, he breaks down again in her arms. She says nothing, but rubs soothing circles in his back.
When Rey has to return to her force training, she kisses them both on the cheek again.
“You better invite me to the wedding,” Rey teases.
Finn's too upset to even laugh or blush – something he'd definitely normal flush bright crimson at. Instead, he throws a tired, sad smile at her – it's all he can manage.
Finn finds himself alone again, and his heart feels both empty and heavy at the same time – as if its weighed down with a ton of bricks but hollow on the inside.
It's been two weeks now. Finn begins to lose hope, but he'll never admit to it.
BB-8 waits with Finn off and on. He beeps sadly to Finn, and even though Finn hasn't mastered understanding BB-8 yet, he can guess the gist of what BB-8 says to him. Mostly, BB-8 hangs their tiny head low – in defeat. BB-8's master is gone right now. Finn knows all too well how that feels.
When BB-8 rolls away – General Organa needs them – Finn takes Poe's remaining hand, and squeezes it tightly.
“Okay, asshole, wake up, now,” Finn says lowly, his voice shaking. His palms are sweaty. “Of all the damn pilots in this joint I had to fall in love with you, and you go and do something damn stupid like this.”
Finn chuckles darkly despite himself, gripping Poe's lifeless hand tighter, as if that will cause Poe to grab his hand back.
Finn starts to cry again. “Please, Poe kriffing Dameron. I'm not leaving you, you're not getting rid of me that easily, y'hear me?! Wake up!”
He's sobbing now – again. He's letting it all out. It's been two kriffing weeks, and he's not letting the love of his life give up this easily.
“You're not going anywhere, dammit, and neither am I! I'll marry you, d'you hear me?! I'm not leaving this damn room until you promise to marry me, you kriffing idiot! I love you, and you promised me you'd come back. So come back to me -”
“Are we really getting married?” a weak, guttural, gravelly voice purrs weakly in Finn's ear.
Finn swears his heart physically has stopped beating. Surely enough, the heart monitors have increased slightly in speed. His eyes take in Poe's expression, and his eyes are barely opened, but enough to see Poe's beautiful long lashes fluttering against his sun-kissed cheeks.
“POE?!” Finn can't help but scream.
Poe winces at the loud noise. “C'mon, gently, now.”
Finn completely ignores him. “POE DAMERON, YOU-”
Instead of cussing at his Poe, he practically slams his lips against Poe's, kissing him desperately, gripping his good shoulder tightly. Finn nearly loses his balance as his lips attack every inch of Poe's face.
Poe's grinning weakly, and Finn's nothing but happy tears now.
“Jeez, buddy, you look like shit,” Poe jokes weakly.
“Don't you even dare, Poe Dameron,” Finn threatens. “I-I thought. . .”
“How long was I out?” Poe asks. He looks down at the place where his right arm should be, and he grimaces. “Well, that's just great.”
“Yeah, you're gonna get a new one, but they had to wait 'til you woke up. . . it's been two and a half weeks, now, Poe, and you scared the hell out of me-”
“I know, I know,” Poe murmurs guiltily. “Don't be too mad, okay? I couldn't-”
“Mad?!” Finn gasps. “I'm so kriffing happy you're okay, you asshole, I love you so damn much.”
Poe grins, and Finn was so certain just a few hours ago that he wouldn't ever see that smile again, that he's attacking every inch of Poe's face with kisses again, causing Poe to chuckle.
“I love you, too, Finn – I'm so sorry, I never meant to. . .” Poe trails off, sadly. “I promised you.”
“Shh,” Finn whispers. “God, I'm just so happy you're okay.”
“Damn, I'm so hungry,” Poe mentions. “Two and half weeks, huh? That's a record. I beat Jessika's, finally.”
“If you didn't look so damn weak right now, I would slap you,” Finn scolds. “I'll bring you some food.”
Finn has to do more waiting to see Poe, it turns out, since the medics want to get the cybernetic attachment to Poe's missing arm done right away, so they can make sure that Poe could walk out of there as soon as possible.
The very next day, Finn's allowed to take him home, and he's walking with Poe, hand-in-hand - finally.
“Are you only cutting me some slack because I'm gonna have a cool cybernetic arm now? Let's be real, here, we could probably try some. . . fun things with this,” Poe teases, flexing his artificial limb, practically collapsing on their bed once they get back to their room.
Finn still manages to flush, despite how much of a dork his boyfriend is.
“Maybe we should take it easy. You still need rest.”
“Rest?! I was out for two and a half weeks!” Poe complains. “I need a little tender-loving-care at least, doctor's orders, I promise.”
Poe crawls on top of Finn, grinning until he gets his way. Finn carefully snakes his hand into Poe's hair as Poe sweetly kisses him, and it's the best feeling in the world to Finn that he could cry.
“Poe,” Finn murmurs through the kiss, “please, don't ever, ever, do that to me again.”
Poe pecks him on the lips several times. “I mean, I'm willing to do pretty much anything to get to hear you say you'd marry me again. That's the first thing I heard when I woke up. Hell, maybe that's what woke me up.”
Finn slaps him teasingly. “I'm serious, Dameron.”
“So am I,” Poe grins, kissing his neck briefly, before bringing himself back to look into Finn's eyes.
“Would you? Marry me?” Poe's tone isn't so teasing anymore.
Finn's heart gallops right out of his chest, and his emotions have been so all over the place right now he's not entirely sure if he won't faint.
“Hell yes,” the words blurt out of Finn's lips before he can stop them, and he sees stars.
“It really is only because I have a cool cybernetic arm now, isn't it?” Poe's right back to teasing, “Fiance.”
Finn rolls his eyes. “It's only one of the small perks you offer.”
Poe chuckles, closing his eyes – his tiredness catching up with him. Before Poe falls asleep, Finn shoves him gently.
“Hey, Poe?”
“Mm, what?”
“You're not flying out anywhere without me, okay?” Finn half-teases.
Instead of argue, Poe just chuckles tiredly. “Roger that, Finn Dameron.”
Finn's heart leaps, and he's home. Finally.