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It was a Friday evening, the sun hanging low in the horizon. It was littered with pinks and purples, and he knew that if he walked out into the backyard, it would make for a great sight. But ever since Jay's near-death experience, neither he nor Nick could go near the pool.
Instead, they spent their time perusing Jay’s mansion, decluttering every room, and packing his belongings in boxes for charity. He had let go of his staff since he wouldn’t be needing them anymore now that he was no longer going to be living in a mansion. Instead, he was thinking of a small, quaint, well-maintained house in the middle of nowhere.
His experience turned his view on life upside down and really, what was a better thing in life than spending time with loved ones? He didn’t need material stuff when he had the one person he wanted to spend his life with.
And he knew how that sounded. A part of his brain avoided those thoughts because they were too close to what he had felt towards Daisy. Thinking about her made his heart clench, though his feelings had vanished after she fled East Egg. Resentment made its throes, but now. . . he was tired. Tired of feeling like he had to maintain his social status for people who didn’t care about him.
Everything he was, had been for her. Without that, who was he? He’d been so clouded with obsession (Yes, he could admit that now) and he had thrown everything away for her. But now it was a new, shining, and clear day and he knew what he wanted.
Now he wanted peace, spending life as quietly as possible.
Jay was almost done packing everything in the living room when his gaze fell on the pool. It was always that damn pool.
The very thought of stepping back into it made him want to throw up. But he was ready to put these feelings at rest.
“I think that’s the last of it.” Nick called out, setting a box labeled “donate” on top of another.
Jay turned to face him, a smile easily appearing on his face as the hard lines on his forehead softened. It was always easy with Nick.
He stepped towards him and rested his hand on his shoulder to truly convey his next words. “I know I’ve said it, but I am thankful for what you’ve done to help me.”
Nick mirrored the smile. “That’s what friends are for.”
Something about Nick saying the word “friends” made his stomach churn.
He waved the thought away and nodded at the pool.
“What do you say, old sport? Fancy a last swim?”
Nick’s smile morphed into that of uncertainty. “Gatsby, are you sure?”
They hadn’t talked about the incident since the hospital. They hadn’t talked about the pool either, making a silent agreement not to go towards it.
But now that Jay was moving. . . he wanted his last moment in that pool to be a happy one. He couldn't think of a better way to spend it than with his dear friend.
“I’m quite sure, Old Sport.” Yet there was a phantom pain in his back where he had been shot, telling him that even though his physical wound had healed, it would be a long battle with his mental wounds.
Nick slowly nodded. “Well, ok, then.”
They dressed in bathing suits and Jay slowly lowered himself into the water after taking a shaky breath. He’d been trying to ignore those feelings, the terror of going back into the water and experiencing his worst moment over and over again in his mind. Jay had replaced those feelings with avoidance, shoving those thoughts into a safe and making himself forget the password.
A hand on his shoulder made him feel grounded and in control of himself. He was going to be ok. Nick was there, sharing a fraction of the pain. The man had heard him get shot for Christ’s sake. Had gone running to the hospital and stayed late hours before he was able to see him, not knowing if he was to live or die. Jay wouldn’t know what to do with himself if the roles had been reversed.
Nick Carraway was his only true friend in this world, the person who had stuck around even after deceiving so many people including him.
Jay closed his eyes at the warmth of Nick’s hand. It felt nice, warmed his body the way a fresh set of clothes would after a good tumble in the dryer.
“Jay, are you ok to do this?”
He faced Nick and without a doubt in his mind now, said, “Of course, Old Sport.”
Jay turned to the pool, the water up to his knees, and let himself go.
Swimming had never felt better. His lungs burned in the best way as he took a few laps around and then stopped in front of Nick, who was crouching, looking at him with curious eyes.
“Come into the water, Nick.” And then he sighed in contentment. “It’s quite nice. Especially with you here.”
And he didn’t know whether his transparentness was because of how nice the day was or what. But at that moment, looking at Nick Carraway, dry in one of his bathing suits, he felt something tug at his heart.
He had felt this before. . .
Before he could delve any further into that thought, he grabbed Nick’s wrist and threw him in. The splash that ensued wet the whole floor and Gatsby felt himself cackling, the weight of everything that had happened in the past few months, sliding off his shoulders.
As Nick resurfaced, breathing heavily at the unexpectedness of the situation, he yelled, “Gatsby, what the fuck?”
Jay kept his eyes on him, trying to reign in his laughter as a smile tugged at his lips.
Jay readied for more, challenging Nick with his gaze.
“You bastard.” Nick splashed him and despite his livid tone a second ago, he smiled all the same.
They spent a few minutes splashing around like little kids until Nick got on top of him, high off the adrenaline. His weight sent Jay under the water and for a few seconds, they stayed there, Gatsby turning to look at him, ready to go to war with him. But when he looked at Nick’s face, he felt another pang in his heart. Or more like a stutter. And suddenly he was back at that fateful day, pain blooming in his chest, calling out for Daisy and he had a wild thought that it should’ve been Nick’s name he uttered into the stale air.
There it was again, the pang. But this was much different. It enveloped his whole being and left his lungs aching, obstructing his breath, and . . . he was drowning now.
Spots of black invaded Jay’s vision as he flailed, momentarily forgetting how to swim. It was like the memory had seized his whole body, making him go into panic mode and it was delivering him to death yet again.
He was going to die in his pool for a second time. Poor Nick. He couldn’t do this to him. Not again.
Nick was on him at once, trying to drag him out of the water. He might’ve been saying Jay’s name, but all he heard was the woosh of water in his ears and. . . oh, they were ringing now. . .
His eyes shut against his will and he had the distant thought that if God existed, he was not on his side because seeing Nick’s terrified face before his last breath was hell.
But it wasn’t his last breath.
Jay Gatsby woke to Nick Carraway breathing life into him, chapped lips on his and he felt a surge of different emotions: relief, happiness, fear. Relieved over not dying in front of Nick Carraway. Happiness that he would live another day to see and experience Nick Carraway in all that he was. . . and-
Oh, he couldn’t deny what he was feeling anymore. Jay’s heart would lurch whenever Nick was around, even when he thought his heart only belonged to Daisy, so blinded by past infatuation.
But now . . .
Nick pulled off of him as soon as Jay clutched his arm, immediately coughing up water. Nick’s brow creased, eyes glassy with relief and as Jay caught his breath, Nick kissed him. Jay didn't manage to kiss back, his eyes widening, thinking he'd gone to heaven. But just as their lips touched, Nick pulled away.
With panicked looks, Nick and Jay simultaneously said, “I don’t know why I did that,” while Jay said, “What a great way to be saved.”
Jay felt like he was floating, his brain not aligning with his mouth as his brain repeated a mantra of “I want him to kiss me again.”
“I liked it,” Jay said before he could stop himself.
Nick was silent for a few moments, eyebrows shooting up at the confession.
And then he finally spoke. “I think I liked it too.”
Jay laughed, all giddy with the promise of his life continuing and whatever was happening between him and Nick.
“Well,” Jay said, tentatively. “I don’t see a reason to stop.”
Apparently, his giddiness was contagious because Nick bit his lip, biting back his own mouth-splitting smile.
“Yeah, I uh. . .I don’t see a reason either.” And he leaned back in, Jay meeting him in the middle.
It was everything it never was with Daisy. It was warm yet rough with stubble tickling his lip. It was wet with the slight taste of chlorine. It was broad shoulders and rough hands giving back just as much as Jay. It was perfect.
And he didn’t know how he lived without it for so long, so stuck in the past when he should’ve been paying attention to the present.
Nick was first to back away, slow and hesitant while Jay basked in the afterglow, eyes closed.
His whole body was thrumming as if Nick had touched all of him. And then he realized that he wanted that. Jay Gatsby wanted everything with Nick Carraway. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to think about it.
So he retrieved the password and opened the safe.
He could no longer deny his attraction towards Nick Carraway. It had always been at the back of his brain, a touch here and there because he wanted that physical contact. The prolonged glances because the sunshine shone just right on the left side of Nick’s face as he smiled. Always thinking about him and seeking to spend time with him. The way his heart would stutter in between casual moments.
He may have once loved Daisy, but this time around. . . he knew he loved Nick.
He was brought back to the present by Nick taking him by the shoulders and shaking him.
“Jay? Are you alright?” His eyes were wild with worry. “You’re not having a stroke, are you?”
Jay put his hands on either side of his face, eyes watering, and face alight with tenderness. “Nick. It was you all along.”
“What was?’
And then Jay barked a wet laugh. “I’m such a fool. It was you. It was always you who I loved. Not Daisy.”
Now it was Nick’s turn to freeze up, but it quickly melted into a softness that Jay couldn’t deny anymore.
“You love me?”
“God, who wouldn’t?”
Nick put his hands on Jay’s and kissed his knuckles. “I love you too, Jay. Always have.”
This time, he didn’t hold back. All these months spent denying this part of himself and obsessing over what wasn't. He couldn't take those moments back, but he could make new ones.
Jay Gatsby kissed Nick Carraway and it tasted like magic. Like a world of new possibilities. Like paradise. All the good in the world wrapped into one.
They kissed like they wanted to meld into each other. It almost scared Jay, the intensity of how he felt for Nick now that he allowed himself to feel all the love he had for him. It left him drunk with desire.
As Jay ghosted his fingertips down Nick's back, Nick gasping, Jay deepened the kiss and snaked his tongue inside.
He knew it was all worth it to hear those delicious moans. To feel his beloved crumble under his touch just as much as Jay. To have Nick Carraway in every way possible.
Jay Gatsby had survived two near-death experiences and came out of them a new man and he was certain Nick was his good luck charm.