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Like many previous nights, Changbin lied beside Hyunjin on Hyunjin's bed, playing with his lips.
Like many previous nights, Hyunjin let him until he got fed up and pulled Changbin into a messy kiss.
Like many previous nights, they made out for hours and hours.
They had not talked about this. That is why Hyunjin was scared to take it further. He wasn't sure if Changbin liked him or was just physically attracted to him. And he did not want to take things further if it was just lust.
Hyunjin was a hopeless romantic. He wanted to love and be loved. He was also in love with Changbin since years and couldn't take it if he just wanted him for his looks. So he refused to take it further.
But something was different that night. They had had a day off and they'd hung out with Minho and Jisung. In a perfect world, Hyunjin would've called it a double date.
But Changbin and him had never discussed the nature of their relationship. It didn't bother him much because he was too scared to take it further. Especially when he saw how Minho and Jisung were forced to hide theirs, pretend like the flirting is all jokes, pretend like they haven't been heads over heels for each other since predebut, haven't been dating since Minho came back after being eliminated from the survival show.
Hyunjin wasn't brave enough to go through all that. He wasn't brave enough to ask Changbin about his feelings.
Sometimes, though, it didn't bother him. He felt a strong surge of overwhelming emotions at times and felt like he was drowning in the love he had for Changbin, felt like he wouldn't be able to breath unless it was the same air that Changbin breathed.
At those times, he thought about confessing. He'd even come close to doing it a few times. But always chickened out in the end.
He just hoped that one day, Changbin would initiate the conversation himself. He was much braver than Hyunjin.
Hyunjin was completely sure his feelings were reciprocated. The way Changbin acted around him both on and off camera made him feel things. The way he'd play with his lips.. Who does that to just a friend? The way he'd always hang out with Hyunjin on a free day, after a schedule, during the breaks.. Hyunjin thought of them as dates.
However, one day, he realized he might have been wrong all along.
When they had recorded "I like it", Hyunjin didn't think much of it. But then, they were filming something for spotify and started discussing the song. It was revealed that the song was Changbin's idea. Hyunjin's heart sank when he heard Changbin say the song was relatable.
When they went home that day, he locked himself in his room so that Changbin wouldn't enter. Instead of falling asleep with Changbin's lips on his, he fell asleep sobbing and wishing he'd never let him kiss him.
Changbin, on the other hand, was worried. Worried because instead of sleeping in Hyunjin's room like every night, kissing his beautiful lips, he was standing in front of his door like an idiot.
He thought of knocking but decided against it. Whatever was bothering Hyunjin, he probably didn't want to talk about it and be alone. That's why he locked his door. He decided he'll let him be and ask in the morning.
Morning arrived and Hyunjin's door was still locked. Assuming he was still sleeping, Changbin went to bother the rest of the dorm members. He started to worry when it was 2pm and Hyunjin was yet to come out of his room.
He went to the door and knocked softly.
"Hyunjin-ah?"
No answer.
He knocked harder, heart racing. He cursed at himself for waiting the whole night. What if Hyunjin wasn't feeling well? He left him all alone in there. He kept knocking and yelling Hyunjin's name but no answer came.
Chan and Jisung who had heard him screaming had come up to him to ask what was going on.
"Hyung, where are the spare keys?" Changbin asked, looking at Chan.
"Why? What's wrong?" Chan asked in return.
"Hyunjin's been locked in there since last night and isn't answering me. I've been knocking for at least five minutes. Please Hyung, where are the keys?" Changbin pleaded.
Chan rushed to his room and brought back all of the spare keys.
"Sorry, I don't know which one is his room's."
"It's okay, I'll try them all."
The third key he tried unlocked the door.
"Hyunjin?" He softly called out.
Hyunjin was fast asleep in his bed.
That was not right. He didn't sleep this much. Maybe he was exhausted to that point? But Changbin was not convinced and had to make sure.
He went closer and saw the swollen eyes. Had Hyunjin been crying? He put a hand on Hyunjin's forehead and it was burning up.
"Oh no.."
He softly shook Hyunjin.
"Hyune, wake up, baby." He whispered.
Hyunjin groaned as he opened his eyes.
"Binnie?" He said, blinking to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.
"Yeah, Jinnie, you need to sit up." Changbin said as he helped Hyunjin sit up.
"Everything okay?" Chan asked, cautiously entering the room, Jisung right behind him.
"He had a fever, could you please make him something to eat, Hyung?" Changbin replied.
Hyunjin tried to protest but Chan interrupted. "Course, I'll make some soup for him."
"Sung, please stay with him. I'll be right back." Changbin instructed and rushed towards his own room.
He took out some small towels and filled a mug with water. Soon, he sat besides Hyunjin, putting wet towels on his forehead, trying to decrease his fever.
Hyunjin felt like sobbing all over again. How was he to not fall in love with Changbin when he treated him like this? When Chan brought the soup, Changbin took it upon himself to feed Hyunjin. He even forced Hyunjin to take medicine once they were done with the soup. And then continued to put the wet clothes on his forehead.
"Why did you lock yourself in if you were sick, you silly ferret? What would Hyung do if something happened to you, hmm?"
Hyunjin blinked away his tears.
"I wasn't sick at night."
He was feeling better now after all the treatment Changbin had given him. His fever was gone but the pain in his heart remained.
"Then why did you lock the door?" Changbin asked, frowning.
Hyunjin closed his eyes.
"Just wanted to be alone."
"Hyunjin-ah. You know you can tell Hyung anything, right?"
Hyunjin didn't know what to say. His head was spinning from all the thinking he'd done since last night.
"Jinnie? Won't you tell me whats on your mind?" Changbin said, bringing his hand close to Hyunjin's face. But Hyunjin turned his face away, making Changbin's frown deepen.
"Did.. Did I do something wrong?" Changbin asked, replaying the previous day in his head, trying to remember all his conversations with Hyunjin to figure what he could have possibly done to upset him.
"I.. I just.." Hyunjin wanted to cry. He didn't know what to say. All he wanted was to ask what they were but Changbin made it very clear he doesn't want that.
"I just think you shouldn't play with people's feelings. If.. If you don't have feelings for me, then.. don't make me feel like you do."
"Huh?" was all Changbin could say. He was extremely confused. He didn't have feelings for Hyunjin?
"Your- your song! You don't want to take anything further than just fooling around! You want a casual fling not a relationship! You're not.. You don't want to love." Hyunjin finished, letting out a sob after he failed to stop his tears from falling.
"Hyune-" Changbin started but Hyunjin didn't let him continue. He felt like his heart would explode if he didn't let it all out
"Don't ask what are we. That's all I've been wanting to ask since months! And you so easily say you like things just the way they are. You're fine with whatever the fuck sick kind of game you're playing with me. But I'm fucking not! I fell in love with you and you just- I don't even know what you want! So go find some other toy to play with because I'm not like you! I want love and commitment! Something, you clearly don't know about!"
"Hyunjin!" Changbin yelled. "Please listen to me."
Hyunjin's lips wobbled as he let out a few more sobs. Changbin grabbed his face in both his hands and wiped his tears with his thumbs.
"I'm so so sorry. The song.. I didn't mean- I wasn't referring to us, baby. I.. It was just a stupid song idea I had."
"B-but you said it was relatable."
"I said people would be able to relate to it." Changbin replied, softly caressing Hyunjin's cheeks. "I'm sorry I made you feel like you're not important to me. That this, our relationship, doesn't mean anything to me.. That I don't- That I don't love you."
Hyunjin's eyes widened. He opened his mouth to speak but Changbin put a finger over his lips.
"Let me say this. I love you, Hwang Hyunjin. And I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. I guess I was a bit afraid. Afraid you'd reject me After all, you're Hwang Hyunjin. You could have anyone you want."
"But I want you." Hyunjin whispered
Changbin smiled.
"Ask me."
"Ask you what?"
"What you wanted to ask me."
"Huh? Oh.." Hyunjin blushed as he realized. "W-what are we?"
"We can be whatever you want us to be." Changbin replied, placing a kiss on Hyunjin's forehead.
"Even boyfriends?" Hyunjin asked, voice small.
Changbin grinned as he nodded.
"Then be my boyfriend."
"Only if you'll be mine."
"I've been yours for a long time."
Changbin's ears reddened. "I love you."
"I love you, too, Binnie. Sorry for shutting you out."
"It's okay, it was my fault." Changbin replied, his eyes falling down to Hyunjin's lips.
Hyunjin giggled and asked if he wanted to play with them. Changbin's face lit up.
So like every previous night except for the last one, he played with his lips, until Hyunjin got tired of it and pulled him into a kiss. The only different was that this time, they took it further.